Writing Crazy Messageboard Omake Type Things Can Be Tricky, or at Least Weird [ Post a new reply ] [ Back to the message board ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This message was posted by Steven Scougall, posted on March 07, 2000 at 18:14:26 coming from com.au Slightly edited. ^^ WRITING CRAZY MESSAGE BOARD OMAKE TYPE THINGS CAN BE TRICKY, OR AT LEAST WEIRD Subtitle: That may or may not resemble Zeitgeist Eggbeater Subsubtitle: With subtitles shorter than the title Suggested by W4 This starting segment by Steven Scougall (...who also sometimes goes by Steve, the Mad Scougall, and the reasons why will probably be demonstrated by this attempt at 'writing') --- Kim Kaphwan, whose name this author shall not make an issue about for this piece of mad writing, drove carefully, observing every law to the letter. So he was understandably just a tad miffed when a giant mecha came screaming into the studio's parking lot and right into the space he was aiming for. He smiled Smile #3.14 (the "This is rather annoying" smile, which really is more of a frown than a smile, but hey, Kim communicates by different sorts of smiles, so we're calling it a smile) as he looked around and saw that the next carpark was about five hundred meters further away from the entrance. The woman who got out of the mecha wasn't wearing very much. It's just one of those things. She looked at him contemptuously and said "Feh. Another annoying human that I will undoubtedly crush when I, Caldara, get around to actually crushing this lowly planet." After such a horrible introduction to the story, which was really just to introduce the idea of Indie Madness stories crossing over, Caldara stalked into the Indie Madnesse studios. Kim smiled Smile #1,000,000 (The "This Is Really A Sigh" Smile) and carefully and legally drove to the 500 meter away parking spot. Once inside, he found there wasn't a script for today, but that wasn't new. He couldn't remember the time when RECBT had HAD a script, or even if it ever had. But he was still quite surprised when he saw a huge redskinned demon when he walked onto the usual RECBT set. It was followed by a floating... thing. It looked a bit like a woman who had been first in line when arms were being handed out, but hadn't even bothered joining the queue for legs. "What's going on here?" he asked, to nobody in particular. The best boy, who had the really unfortunate name of Nobody In Particular, answered with, "The Mad Scougall is attempting something new today. A gigantic crossover of all the stories produced here at the Indie Madnesse studios." Kim blinked. "Why wasn't I informed?" "He came up with the idea fifteen minutes ago, that's why," said Nobody In Particular. "I see. Thank you, Mr. Particular." "You're welcome, Mr. Kim." "Alright, listen up," said the Author, cutting off Kim's imminent praise for understanding Korean name structure. "The first chapter is always introductory, so our heroes have to meet up. A goal for them to strive towards would be nice, too." A pink haired lady looked annoyed. "That's a LOT of heroes." "So some will have to be demoted to sidekicks," said the author. "But Martina," said a man near the pinkhaired lady, "As the hero of IDFRL, you're almost definitely not going to be a sidekick." Kim thought the man's nametag read "Zzsacque". WHO WILL BE HEROES? WHO WILL BE SIDEKICKS? "I don't have to worry about that," said Caldara. "I'm obviously going to be a Villain! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" WILL THIS GET CONTINUED? HOW MUCH AUTHOR SELF-INSERTION WILL THERE BE? Only time will tell. ...and hereby I throw down the gauntlet. If you like this, if you think it should be continued, then go ahead. It takes about ten minutes to come up with what I've written above. And if two people write different continuations of the same segment - well, worry about it when it happens! ^_^; -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part TWO! [ Post a new reply ] [ Back to the message board ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This message was posted by Kichigaisakka W4, posted on March 07, 2000 at 19:35:00 coming from marconiis.com Mood of this message: This message is a reply to Writing Crazy Messageboard Omake Type Things Can Be Tricky, or at Least Weird posted from Steven Scougall posted at March 07, 2000 at 18:14:26 WRITING CRAZY MESSAGE BOARD OMAKE TYPE THINGS CAN BE TRICKY, OR AT LEAST WEIRD Subtitle: Casting Calls, Couches And Cockroaches! Subsubtitle: Alliteration Is Always Annoying Started by Steven Scougall aka Steve, the Mad Scougall aka Steve the HTMLing Scougall aka Steven von Schougallmeister aka Skippy Nosehairgoblinstein This segment by W4 aka W4, the Mad Author aka Kichigaisakka W4 aka The Mad Dr. Kichigaisakka aka The Rickyfracking Pootyhead That Can't Write Anything But Chibi-Impros Steven sat and thought. "Plot, plot, plot," he muttered to himself. "How am I going to get them all together." A brown-haired man, dressed in a black t-shirt, green lab coat, white pants, white sneakers and glasses stood over Steven. "Think, Steven," he cackled. "What event above all others brings people together?" Steven turned around and gulped. "Y'know, Woof, if ANYBODY but you had asked me that, I wouldn't be afraid right now." */ \* Ichiiro had managed to land a weekend job at "Sailor Batter's All-You-Can-Eat Pancake Shack." With the money he raised from this job, he would be able to go out and enjoy himself after school. "Yosh!" he shouted. "With the money I raise from this job, I will be able to go out and enjoy myself after school!" That just went to show that the narrator(s) of the story were highly reliable. The readers should have mailed the narrator(s) large chunks of money. But back to the story... Kim Kaphwan walked in, smiling smile number #152, the "There Is No Better Way To Start A Day Of Reforming Evil And Upholding Justice Than With All-You-Can-Eat- Pancakes" smile. "Good morning!" Ichiiro called out as he served Kim some pancakes. "Good morning to you, too!" Kim replied cheerfully. A pink-haired woman stomped in, grimacing grimace number #152, the "This Day Is Going To Suck Just Like All The Others, But At Least I Can Have My Fill Of Pancakes" grimace. "Good morning!" Ichiiro called out as he served Martina Hopkins some pancakes. "My grandfather was an alien! Okay?!? Are you happy?!?" she snapped at Ichiiro. "...um," Ichiiro replied. Treisel Arrayarli cheerfully walked into the restaurant. "I would like some pancakes!" he announced. And Ichiiro served him, surprised that Treisel was walking on air. Literally. Itsuko Kaiu walked in, pouting, "Oh! I wanted a jigsaw puzzle of an All-You-Can- Eat Pancake restaurant, not an actual All-You-Can-Eat Pancake restaurant!" She continued to pout until Ichiiro served her some chocolate-chip pancakes. That cheered her up. */ \* If there's one thing I love after an action-packed adventure, it's All-You-Can- Eat pancakes. Scars and Taluna decided to "have breakfast together," so I had to go by myself. Their loss. */ \* Scarlett Marquee walked into the restaurant and sat down, warily watching everyone in the restaurant. She continued her vigil even after Ichiiro served her. */ \* I didn't think- "Hey!" the third-person narrative interrupted. "Do you mind? You're invading my turf?" I grumbled to myself. */ \* "WAAAAI! All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes!" Dark Queen Uzume cheered. "Good morning!" Ichiiro greeted Uzume. "WAAAAI! Bishounnen waiter!" Dark Queen Uzume shouted as she glomped Ichiiro. "STOP EATING!" Charles Boucher shouted, charging into the restaurant. "WHAT?" everyone shouted (some after gulping. After all, talking with one's mouth full is rude). Charles explained, "I need all of you to stop eating for a moment! You see, the soul of the first pancake is somewhere in this building, and I need to retrieve it before-" A figure in blue, futuristic-looking armor burst into the building and cackled evilly. "-something like that happens," Charles sighed. "NYOO HOO HOO HOO!" the figure laughed. "The soul of the first pancake will belong to me, Kleenex Man!" "...Kleenex man?" Scarlett asked, eyebrow arched. "WAH!" Queen Uzume hollered, clinging to Ichiiro. "Protect me from the evil Kleenex Man!" Ichiiro was busy trying to fight the urge to nosebleed. Treisel and Kim rose to their feet. Kim gave Kleenex Man his stern smile (#29) and said, "Breaking into restaurants and stealing pancake souls isn't very nice, Mr. Kleenex Man." Treisel shouted, "FIRE-" "STOP!" Kleenex Man shouted. "Why should he?" Martina asked. "Because... I have THIS!" Kleenex Man replied, pulling out a palm-sized box. Martina gasped, "Oh, no..." Uzume bawled. Treisel gritted his teeth and muttered. Scarlett glared at Kleenex Man. Kim switched to smile #55, his "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Shit" Smile (which actually doesn't look like a smile at all). Charles cursed at Kleenex Man. Ichiiro, having accidentally gotten a faceful of Queen Uzume's... ahem... outfit... had passed out in her arms. Itsuko was oblivious to all of this, rearranging the pieces of her pancake to make different shapes. "That's what I thought, 'heroes'!" Kleenex Man mocked. "As long as I possess this, you cannot harm me!" */ \* "So," W4 asked. "How's THAT for a crossover beginning?" Steven sighed. "I think it's time for someone else to step up to bat." "Damn." */ \* WHAT DOES KLEENEX MAN HOLD IN HIS HAND? WHY DO OUR HEROES FEAR IT SO? WILL OUR HEROES BE ABLE TO FIND THE SOUL OF THE FIRST PANCAKE? WILL SCARLETT TRY TO USURP THE THIRD-PERSON NARRATOR AGAIN? WILL MARTINA STOP BEING SO BITCHY? WILL ITSUKO BE ABLE TO MAKE PENROSE TILES OUT OF HER PANCAKES? If you want the answers to these questions, write part three! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Would you settle for someone else? ^_^ Part 3! [ Post a new reply ] [ Back to the message board ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This message was posted by Mark Poa, posted on March 08, 2000 at 23:48:54 coming from No domain available Mood of this message: This message is a reply to Part TWO! posted from Kichigaisakka W4 posted at March 07, 2000 at 19:35:00 WRITING CRAZY MESSAGE BOARD OMAKE TYPE THINGS CAN BE TRICKY, OR AT LEAST WEIRD Subtitle: Plot? What plot? Subsubtitle: More improvisional than improvisional. Subsubsubtitle: Having breakfast interrupted by crazy aliens is always annoying. But having it eaten by crazy aliens is more annoying. Started by Steven Scougall aka Steve, the Mad Scougall aka whatever else W4 called him. This segment by Mark Poa aka the guy who pops up sometime and oftentimes unannounced. "Wanna grab a bite to eat?" Steve asked W4. "Sure," said the mad author as he followed his fellow impro author out of the studio. They left the scene frozen just like that. A black-haired Asian looking-guy wearing a polo shirt, jeans and glasses walked into the studio and saw the frozen scene. "Hmm, that's weird. I didn't know they were doing a new production." Looking around, he saw that there was no one else in the vicinity. "Guess they won't mind if I play this on a bit." A menacing gleam in his eye, Mark Poa sat down to work. **** Kleenex Man held up the rubber chicken in his hand and cackled maniacally. ($1 to the pun cup) "It's, it's, its..." started Charles. "The Rubber Chicken of the Epsi!" gasped Scarlett. The group gasped at this, while Martina just reacted "Huh?" The Man made from Kleenex hefted the mythical weapon of smiting and poised it over his head. He looked up... And it was gone. "This rubber chicken is mine! So that I will be the main villain in this omake! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Caldara laughed as her mecha took the rubber chicken from Kleenex Man and sped off. "No one could defy me. I am the Kleenex Man!" "Kleenex Man?!?" a voice piped in. "Hah! What a lousy name. You're nothing more than a two bit hooligan who wasn't enured with the proper dictums of society." The Man made of Kleenex was hurt. he started to sob. "You're just a measly turd that crawled out from the anus of your mother. In fact, you're an embarassment to turds everywhere!" Sachiko said. Kleenex Man took a piece of of his hand and started wiping the tear that started to form in his eye. Uzume turned to her. "Hey, you weren't here before!" "I was just passing by. Cameo and all that. Well, I'm leaving now," she said as she left the restaurant. The others facefaulted cause the Author made them so. "Is this the Tendo Dojo?" a man piped up. The assembled loonie..,er, heroes looked toward the bandannaed teenager entering the restaurant. "Hey," Martina shouted. "You can't be here! You're not even an indie Madnesse character." "Well, I did appear once in RECBT." Ryouga sweatdropped. Kim moved Martina aside. "Allow me, miss." He executed a boot to Ryouga's head that sent him flying into orbit. "THIS IS ALL RANMA'S FAAAAUUUUUUU--" was heard as Ryouga disappeared from view. "Now we can go back to what we are doing," Kim shrugged. %Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! % Tiffany Lords passed by outside carrying a boom box playing the song of a dozen Japanese schoolgirls. "What's with all these cameos?!?" Kleenex Man shouted. "It seems as if the Author doesn't know how to write about you," Scarlett explained, then clamped her hand over her mouth. She looked surprised. "I don't know what made me say that." **** Mark cracked his knuckles. "Nice work for a ten minute job if I do say so myself." W4 and Steve walked carrying their lunch. They saw Mark and waved at him. "Yo, dude!" W4 greeted. "You working on that?" Steve asked. "Yeah, hope you guys didn't mind." Mark looked at the cast again. "DOn't they get stiff being frozen in the scene like that?" he asked WHAT MADE SCARLETT SAY THAT? WAS IT THE AUTHOR? OR SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY? HOW WOULD THIS BE CONTINUED? WHY WERE THERE SO MANY CAMEOS? PLOT? WHAT PLOT? DO THE CHARACTERS REALLY GET STIFF POSING? WHO IS KLEENEX MAN AND IS HE BIODEGRADABLE? "WHat's with all the questions?" Trei asked, scratching his head. WHAT IS THE ANSWER TO TREI'S QUESTION? WHY IS THIS PART SO SHORT? IS IT BECAUSE THE AUTHOR HAS A TEST IN THIRTY MINUTES AND IS GOOFING OFF INSTEAD OF STUDYING? AND WHO WILL CONTINUE THIS? **** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When your regular madman doesn't cut it anymore... part 4 [ Post a new reply ] [ Back to the message board ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This message was posted by Jonatan, cardcarrying maniac, posted on March 10, 2000 at 10:07:57 coming from his.se This message is a reply to Would you settle for someone else? ^_^ Part 3! posted from Mark Poa posted at March 08, 2000 at 23:48:54 WRITING CRAZY MESSAGE BOARD OMAKE TYPE THINGS CAN BE TRICKY, OR AT LEAST WEIRD Subtitle: Fruit from space Subsubtitle: The Antipope strikes back Subsubsubtitle: Madness is fun, violence is sexy. Started by Steven Scougall, who is barking mad, really. This segment by Jonatan Streith, who really should stop trying to open soda cans with his teeth and start writing instead. Steve and W4, having somehow been drafted as the maintainers of this little venue, looked at the frozen characters. They flickered a bit, kinda like when you pause your video. "Well," Steve said, "I hope someone continues this soon." "Fear not," a rehearsed voice said from behind. "I am here now." Woofer turned to look at the newcomer. Black clothes. White coat. Colorful headband. Messy, brown hair. Unshaven chin. A blue helium balloon tied to his wrist. "Hey Jon, what's with the balloon?" He shrugged. "Never mind that. This your omake thingie, Steve?" Steve nodded. "Do you want to take a shot at it?" Jonatan cracked his knuckles, making the other authors wince at the sound. "Might as well." ////////// "Like I said," Kim repeated, "Now we can go back to what we are doing." "What were we doing, anyway?" Itsuko asked distractedly, idly arranging bits of pancake into a picture of her nonexistent boyfriend. He looked yummy. "You mean before the author--" "Don't say that!" Treisel interrupted. "The fourth wall--" "Can go to hell!" NeoVid filled in. Everyone *blink blink*ed. Even NeoVid, who succumbed to peer pressure. "ARRGH!" Itsuko 'arrgh'ed. "That's it, you're out!" She took out a small kumquat- shaped communicator device and put it to her mouth. "Em, dispatch War Rocket Ajax!" A small girl dressed up as a catgirl mecha pilot snuck up next to her and asked, "You have a War Rocket Ajax?" "Sorry, no," said an unstable voice (as in, it was hard to hear, not that the speaker had mental deficiencies. He had that too, but it didn't affect his voice). "It's still under construction. Sorry, boss." "Okay..." Itsuko rubbed her forehead. "Then activate the Absolute Kumquat Field!" "Yes, boss!" "What's an Absolute Kumquat Field?" Molly asked. **|** How nice that you should ask that, Molly! [The facts presented below are completely true, and were developed under highly scientific regimens at Harvard Institute of Contra-Material Research and development. If you'd like, I also have a few bridges you might want to buy.] Kumquat energy is the third most powerful form of energy in the known universe. Fortunately it only gathers in certain small yellow fruits, and due to their size, only in small amounts. Few kumquats are large enough to house enough power to actually be of much use. One, however... It may also be of value to know that if the energy is influxed with a 31/+281 degree to the Chandrasehkar constant and superimposed over a perfect sphere, something known as an Absolute Kumquat Field. The Absolute Kumquat Field is capable of totally annihilating Author Avatars. However, it has no effect on non-avatars. \\\\\\\\\\ "Gee golly, mr wizard! I had no idea!" Molly exclaimed. Kim flashed his grin #3855324-wurfle, also known as the "I see that the weird chick with the unbelieveably large eyes has decided to nuke the Avatar with a superweapon, so it's all right but we should finish up breakfast before it hits" grin. Ichiiro nodded, deciding that it was time to pack up and close. "It's time to pack up and close," he said. But before anyone could do anything, a mecha crashed through the roof. "OOHOHOHOHO!" its pilot laughed. Then the pilot, who, for those who admit they're clueless, is Caldara, realized that its waist was on level with the roof. "Feh." #%&@$!! "Well," Jonatan said, brushing his hands, "that was a crappy job." "Hey, hey, don't sweat it." Woofer patted his fellow labcoat supporter on the shoulder. "You introduced Caldara, at least. And NeoVid..." "I told you there'd be SI's," Steve said. "Although most people insert themselves..." "Ah well, he can be killed in the next part, if the author wants to." He grinned. "And maybe we get to see Caldara naked." The two other authors blushed. "I love doing that," Jonatan laughed. "Until next time." Then he flipped over a convenient couch and took a nap. WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? WHAT WILL CALDERA DO? WHAT WILL THE 'HEROES' DO? WHERE DID MOST OF THE CAST RUN OFF TO? WILL THERE BE MECHA? WILL NEOVID GET KILLED? WILL CALDERA REMOVE PARTS OF HER CLOTHING? WILL THE AUTHOR GET A SOLID BEATING FOR THE HENTAI COMMENTS? AND WHO WILL CONTINUE THIS? "You're asking us?" Martina said. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't belong here, and I know it! Part 5! [ Post a new reply ] [ Back to the message board ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This message was posted by Ardweden, posted on March 11, 2000 at 02:27:34 coming from mediaone.net This message is a reply to When your regular madman doesn't cut it anymore... part 4 posted from Jonatan, cardcarrying maniac posted at March 10, 2000 at 10:07:57 WRITING CRAZY MESSAGE BOARD OMAKE TYPE THINGS CAN BE TRICKY, OR AT LEAST WEIRD Subtitle: Be Careful What You Wish For Subsubtitle: I Mean It! Why Doesn't Anyone Listen To me?! Subsubsubtitle: Fine then. But this is really long. Bwahahaha! Started by Steven Scougall, who is quite mad, or that's what I hear. Isn't he? This segment by Ardweden, who has no idea what the heck she's doing. But that's typical. "Who's going to go next?" Woofer asked Steve. "I don't know. First person to come along, I guess." Steve shrugged. They waited. They waited some more. They waited some *more*. Woofer started picking gum off his shoe. Jonatan snored on the couch. Steve smacked Jonatan around with a large trout. They waited some more. Finally, you'd think something would happen. Well, it didn't! ... Okay, okay. Steve screamed to the heavens. "Oh, please! Send us someone, anyone, that will continue this relatively safe (or so we think) insanity!" And his prayers were answered. Kinda. "Hiiiiii!" A teenaged girl wearing pajammas with penguins all over it ran up. She had long, brown hair and was smiling very, very widely. "How are you? I'm Ardweden, and I'm here to grant you three wishes!" "... Three wishes?" A goofy grin spread across Woofer's face. "Well, hang on." She checked the nonexistant script. "Oh! My bad. I'm just here to continue this story. Let's get started!" "Hey." Steven peered at the girl. Ardweden blinked and turned to Steve. "Yah?" "I've never seen you around here before." "Oh, that's because I'm not *from* here! I'm from your happy happy neighboring site, Beware the Radish!" "... You mean that place where they write *serious* stories?" "Yup yup! I write darkness and angst and torture scenes. The torture scenes are so much *fun*!" Ardweden's eyes sparkled and she giggled for a bit. Woofer edged slowly away from her. Jonatan snored. Steve smacked him with the trout. "Well. I guess I'd better get started." Ardweden hopped onto the seat and waggled her fingers. "Wait!" All the (conscious) authors turned to see Mark Poa standing right next to them. Funny, they never noticed him since part three, but it doesn't really matter anyway because he's talking now so there! Neener! Mark stood in a melodramatic pose. "I will not let you ruin the story!" Ardweden cocked her head to one side. "I can't. There's nothing to ruin." There was a mass facefault. Jonatan snored. Woofer smacked him with a trout. He deserved it. Snoring is evil. "Ah... well, I guess it's okay, then." Mark rubbed his head. Facefaulting hurts. "Okay! See, I usually actually care about what the characters are, and I never really read any of the improfanfics on the Indie Madnesse site, but I figured it doesn't matter because Steve was actually desperate enough to ask *anyone* for help! Okay? Okay!" Ardweden laughed insanely and started typing. * * * * * They stared at a foot. A really big foot. It belonged to a really big robot, but that wan't the point. The point was that the foot was big. Really, really big. So big that the author can't think of a way to say it's big because of the rambling thing and she wants to get to the torture scene *now*, dangit! So it was big. Caldara laughed. "OHOHOHOHOHO! Now I shall squash you like the bugs you are!" And she brought her mecha's foot up, hit the roof with her knee, and brought it down solidly on Molly. There was a nice, squishy sound as she twisted the heel into the ground. "Oh my God! You killed Ke- Molly!" Uzume shouted. "You bastard!" Itsuko finished (because it was obligitory, you see). "Where did that come from?" they asked each other simultaneously. "Nooooooo!" Kim fell to his knees smiling smile number 10694, the "Molly just got flattened like the gum on the bottom of Woofer's shoe, but I suppose she went to a nice place in the afterlife" smile. (And you thought he didn't have that many smiles... well, ha!) "She was too young to die!" He started crying. "My life is no longer worth living!" "Do not fear, citizen. I shall dry your tears." And Kim Kaphwan looked up in hope. For there was his savior, the one that will help them all... Kleenex Man! Wait, Kleenex Man? "Yes! It is I, Kleenex Man, defender of dry eyes and some such or something." He coughed. "Anyway, I have seen the error of my ways! I have come to the side of love and justice in the name of the moon!" "Oh, thank you Kleenex Man!" Kim stumbled to his feet and started crying on the man's shoulder... it started dissolving. "No! Stop it! I'm meeeeeelting! Aieeeeeee!" Kleenex Man dissolved in to a mess of tissue and tears. Scarlett blinked. "Hey, it it just me or is Kim acting a little out of cha-" "Don't say that! You're breaking the fourth wall!" everyone else shouted. Scarlett covered her mouth. "Oops." There was a great rumbling. But the author doesn't feel like describing the rumbling, so we'll skip that part. Anyway... A giant kumquat appeared! Yes, a kumquat! What, you were expecting an apple or orange? Shame on you! Bad reader! No cookie! ... Oh, don't give me that look. Here, have your cookie. And out of that kumquat popped... NeoVid! "Haha!" NeoVid haha'd, striking a pose. "It's not that easy to get rid of this story's unofficial deus ex machina!" And lo, everyone (including various authors) sweatdropped. "Here, let me do my job!" And a ball of chaos energy formed in his hand. Everyone had the sense to leap out of the way, except the foot, because Caladra was too busy laughing to notice, and it probably didn't matter anyway because the foot couldn't leap by itself. The mecha wasn't exactly made to play hopscotch, y'know. NeoVid threw the ball, it hit the foot, and... Nothing happened. "Wait! This never happened before!" NeoVid tore at his hair. "Something's supposed to happen! Something fun and chaotic and..." Something happened. Happy now? "Very," NeoVid said with a smile. Right. So something fun and chaotic happened. Caladra stopped laughing. How is that fun and chaotic, you ask? I'm getting there! "What's going on?" she asked in typical female-confused-evil-not-very-clothed-at-all-fashion. Everyone (not including various authors)gaped as they saw the foot being lifted. This in and of itself wasn't impressive, because, come on, everyone's seen a mecha foot lifted once or twice in their lifetime, but instead they were gaping at what was lifting it. It was... it was... "MOLLY!" everyone yelled, just because it felt good to yell together. Molly stood, holding the foot up, in a very short sailor suit colored off-pink, off-orange, and on-purple. "No, I am not Molly! I am..." She powerposed impossibly under the foot. "Sailor Dragon Barf!" There, NeoVid. That chaotic and fun enough for you? "Aheh. Quite. Um..." NeoVid looked frantically around as he found himself surrounded by our heroes. "I didn't mean to do it, I really didn't! Honest!" "Death would have been a cleaner fate for poor, innocent Molly than becoming a Sailor Scout!" Kim cried, while smiling smile number 64, the "I'm going to kill you now because you turned my formerly squished friend into a Sailor Scout" smile. The others nodded. "Ah. Aheh. Um. I'll be going now. Yes, that seems like a good idea." And NeoVid vanished in a puff of Chaos energy as the rest of the heroes crashed into each other in an attempt to grab him. Everything froze. * * * * * "Hey!" Ardweden cried as she made a desperate attempt to grab the keyboard. "I was just about to get to the torture scene!" "Well, you've had more than your turn." Jonatan shook his finger at her and pulled the keyboard further away. She pouted. "Oh, fine. But I was going to have Caldara what little there is of her clothing in it, and you won't see it now! Haha!" She stuck her tongue out at Jonatan and ran off. Everyone else blinked. "Hey, Jonatan." Mark nudged Jonatan in the ribs. "Why didn't you let her write until she finished that scene?" "Figured someone else should have a turn." Jonatan sniffed the air. "Something smells fishy around here." Woofer and Steve whistled innocently as they hid the trouts behind their backs. CAPS LOCK, CAPS LOCK, CAPS LOCK! OW! OKAY, OKAY. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR HEROES? WHAT ARE SAILOR DRAGON BARF'S POWERS? WILL CALDARA EVER LOSE ALL HER CLOTHES? JUST HOW OUT OF CHARACTER WAS EVERYONE? WHY DID ARDWEDEN WRITE FOR THIS WHEN SHE DOESN'T FOLLOW INDIE MADNESSE? DOES ANYONE CARE? DOES ANYONE READ THIS? ARE YOU LISTENING? "Of course not," random character number fifty-five snorted. "That would be silly." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Somebody's gotta write the next one... Part Six! [ Post a new reply ] [ Back to the message board ] This message was posted by ravi , posted on March 13, 2000 at 09:54:59 coming from bbn.com This message is a reply to I don't belong here, and I know it! Part 5! posted from Ardweden posted at March 11, 2000 at 02:27:34 Supertitle: Bwahahaha! WRITING CRAZY MESSAGE BOARD OMAKE TYPE THINGS CAN BE TRICKY, OR AT LEAST WEIRD Subtitle: This Really Shouldn't Surprise Anyone. Subsubtitle: If You Were Surprised, What Are You Doing Here? Go Away! Subsubsubtitle: No, you can't get a refund! Started by Steven Scougall, who's just this guy, y'know, 'cept I hear he's a wee bit daft. This segment by ravi, who still maintains that he is not really a pervert. - = - "Zounds, but I wanted to see that torture scene," Woofer said, snapping his fingers. "You would have," Steve added. Then, rubbing his chin, "Actually, I would have too." "Mmrrmmg-mmph grrmpah..." Jonatan either agreed or didn't, unsure whether it was better to swallow or cough up the large fish wedged down his throat. Mark blinked. "Well, if we're all in agreement, why don't we just let Ardweden finish the scene? Hey, do you think you could do that?" Ardweden looked up from where she was proving that there were no fewer than seven ways to skin a cat, and shook her head sadly. "No, I can't. The next author is already here." The other authors ('cept Jonatan) looked around, blinking. "Where is he?" they chorused. "I AM ALL THINGS, IN ALL PLACES," came a booming voice, from no particular place. The other authors looked around nervously. "Who are you?" "MUAHAHAHAHA." Three men shivered at the sound of the voice (the fourth was still hacking up a fish). "Wh- wh- who are you?" Steve asked. "THIS IS GOD. SQUIRM, YOU PUNY WORMS!" the voice boomed. "We're squirming, we're squirming!" Ardweden facepalmed. Sighing, she walked over and unplugged the amplifier. Reaching behind a screen, she yanked out the misbehaving author. The author in question was a man with unruly black hair. He was wearing jeans and a button-up shirt. Frowning, he reached behind his back and pulled out a long- handled mallet. He smirked. "CHIBIMALLET STRIKE!" he shouted as he brought the weapon down upon the girl's head. With a puff of smoke, she popped out of existance, leaving behind a cute, stubby-limbed minature version of herself. With a grin, the newcomer scooped up Chibi Ardweden and tucked her carefully into his shirt pocket. "Now where were we? Oh, that's right... the introduction scene!" Striking a dramatic pose, he removed his glasses and wiped them clean. "Never fear, Ravi the ImproGigolo is here!" Woofer blinked. "I thought you'd be, you know... taller." Ravi scowled. "I blame the Communists." Then, with a goofy grin, he pulled out Chibi Ardweden and carefully balanced her on his shoulder. "How'd you do that mallet thing?" Jonatan asked, always eager to have another method of plot-contrivance at his fingertips, and apparently having recovered from his savage trouting. "MY POWERS ARE--- Oh, sorry. My Powers are Beyond Your Understanding." "What's that supposed to mean?" Mark asked. Ravi chuckled. "Heh. Mweh heh. Order the fries, Earthling, and all that. You'll find out in due time..." "Hey, Ravi... why don't you get on with the story? We want some torture." "Oh yeah. I don't do torture, but... oh wait. I guess I do." "Yippee!" bubbled the chibi. - = - Kim rubbed his head, and moaned in pain. Uzume rubbed her head, and moaned in pain. Scarlett rubbed her head, and moaned in pain. Sailor Dragon Barf was rubbing something else, and it was Caldara who was doing all the moaning. Oh-hoho, nudgenudge, winkwink and all that, y'know. Hey, this author has a reputation to uphold. "Stop tickling my mecha's actuator! It's sensitive!" Caldara cried. Our heroes facefaulted, bumping heads again, then stood up again. "What are you doing?!" Itsuko cried, appalled at her former friend's turn to the Barf Side. "Have you no decency?" Sailor Dragon Barf shrugged and kept manipulating. "I need to torture her. Contractual obligation, and all. And the author is afraid of Beware the Radish. They hate him over there. So, I gotta do something else." Then Ichiiro, who had been largely forgotten for the last two chapters, stepped up and leered. "I'll torture her!" And with that he leaped up to the cockpit of the mecha, grabbed Caldara (conveniently leaving what little clothing she had behind), and ran off. "Well that was sort of anti-climactic, wouldn't you say?" Martina mused, looking around. "I suppose we should go hunt down NeoVid," she said, turning to face her compatriots (and the as-yet-unclassified Sailor). "Are you all right, Mr. Kim?" Uzume was asking, as she helped Kim up to his feet. Kim was still very woozy, and so ended up with a faceful of Uzume when his vision returned. He passed out again. "Get away from Kim-sama, you tramp!" Uzume blinked. Kim blinked. Everyone except Scarlett blinked, but that's because she was readjusting her contact lenses. Sailor Dragon Barf blinked, surprised at what she said. Shaking her head, she repeated herself. "Yeah, that's right. Kim-sama is _mine_! Get away from him!" She shrugged. If being a Sailor meant getting crushes on older men, so be it, she decided. Besides, they needed some plot complication until the whole torture scene resolved itself. Uzume blinked and pointed at herself. "Me? What would you do to me, Molly?" "It's Sailor Dragon Barf now! And I'd do this: Dragon Poison Spray!" she powerposed, releasing a sickly stream of puce bubbles at Uzume. "Get away from him you harlot!" Meanwhile, a couple of random passersby were doing exactly that. Passing by. "Look, Yoshi, I'm dead. D-E-A-D _dead_. And that means, 'No, I will not sleep with you.' How many times do I have to repeat that?" "But, Cleo," the man whined. "I miss you. I'll do anything for you. Honest!" Cleo stopped in her tracks and turned around. "Well, I suppose you could die and join me..." Yoshi was then struck by Sailor Dragon Barf's heinous attack, and did exactly that. Cleo scowled. She didn't really mean it that way. She turned to see who had killed her Not-Ex-Boyfriend. "Ooopsie!" SDB (shortened because the author is too lazy to type the whole name out, but not too lazy to type a much longer explanation of his reasoning for the action... this isn't working, is it? Never mind...) giggled cutely. "Sorry about that!" Cleo raised an outstretched palm. "Mono. Volt." she said, using the weakest spell and inserting the periods, just because Hey! it works for Slayers Glorious. "You can't do that!" Itsuko protested! "You're breaking canon waaay too much to get away with that!" "Oh, fine! Lightning Maelstrom!" Sailor Dragon Barf, (or SDB, for short), twitched and crisped. "I think I liked the other spell better," she muttered as she collapsed, reverting into Molly. Yoshi, for his part, grinned and glomped Cleo. - = - Elsewhere... "You call that torture? Gimme that!" "But, but, but--- oooooh!" "That's right. Call me Queen Uzume!" *sweatdrop* "Do it!" "Okie!" "Good boy! Have a cookie!" - = - Kim woke up and smiled his Smile #2001.5 (Something really funky has just gone down but I am not sure I really want to know). "Ara? What did I miss? Or do I not want to know?" And then, the Giant Kumquat of Doom reappeared! NeoVid popped out and glared at Cleo and Yoshi. "No one reads your series anyway! Go away!" he shouted, and threw a ball of Chaos energy at the duo. It bounced off an invisible field. "Buh?" NeoVid buh'ed. "Ha! My Kiwi energy is superior to your puny Kumquat!" Cleo exclaimed, powerposing. "And now it is time to punish you!" "Not so fast!" exclaimed Ryouga, who also popped up out of the Kumquat. It really was a spacious fruit. And NeoVid got all the options too. Except for the chrome rims. Those were a bit too ostentatious for even him. Ryouga pulled out a DCM gun, cackled evilly (because, well, he _is_ evil), and shot Itsuko in the chest. Itsuko looked at her chest. (Ichiiro would have, but he was preoccupied). Itsuko blinked. Itsuko fell down. "What did you do to her, you malodorous fiend?!" Kim asked. "Gya-hahaha!" Ryouga barked at NeoVid ducked back down and stepped on the gas. Our heroes gathered around the prone form of Itsuko, watching in horror as she began to transform... - = - "Okay, that's it for me," Ravi said, shoving the keyboard away. "I'll let the next author decide what to do with Itsuko." "Wai! You rock, Ravi-sama!" Chibi Ardweden exclaimed, from her perch on his shoulder. She then bit the head off a bat. The other authors sweatdropped. "You do know that we didn't actually get to see the torture scene, or even Caldara nekkid?" Mark asked. "Damn!" Ravi swore. "Next time, then." Capitalize? Do I have to? Oh, fine. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR HEROES? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR VILLAINS? WILL ARDWEDEN PUMMEL THE AUTHOR FOR CHIBIFYING HER YET AGAIN? WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED AKIRA? AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHY DOESN'T TIFFANY LORDS GET A SPORTS BRA? Roy: Duh! *leer* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ And now... part seven! [ Post a new reply ] [ Back to the message board ] This message was posted by Kichigaisakka W4 , posted on March 13, 2000 at 14:59:00 coming from marconiis.com This message is a reply to Somebody's gotta write the next one... Part Six! posted from ravi posted at March 13, 2000 at 09:54:59 WRITING CRAZY MESSAGE BOARD OMAKE TYPE THINGS CAN BE TRICKY, OR AT LEAST WEIRD Subtitle: Everyone Was Kung-Fu Fighting! Subsubtitle: Sailor Dragon Barf Gets Her Groove On Subsubsubtitle: What? You're Still Writing? */ \* Steven looked with dismay as his MB omake spiralled out of control. "Oh, man. Oh, MAN. We need to end this before it bleeds over into someplace it's not supposed to go, and..." Steven turned around and saw a very grinning, very wild-eyed and very close Woofer behind him. "You want to [BEGIN] the [END]?" Woofer said. The other authors gulped. "Crud," ravi muttered. "He's gone into the Riot of the Chibi again. Round up the tranquilizers and fasten your safety belts." Our heroes gathered around the prone form of Itsuko, watching in horror as she began to transform... ...into... ...Danielle Hibiki! "OOSHA!" Danielle shouted, flexing her mighty forearm. "I, the mighty Danielle, am mighty!" Pointing to NeoVid, Danielle shouted, "Hey! Here's a quarter! Buy a life!" "WHAT?!?" NeoVid shouted. Danielle continued her taunting spree by turning to Ryoga and shouting, "And you, pork lips! Are you really so desperate for a woman that you'd chase AKANE? I mean... jeez! You'd be better off with, oh, say, Babe the Gallant Pig!" "CURSE YOU!" Ryoga shouted, pulling out his umbrella. "I SHALL SMITE THEE!" NeoVid and Ryoga cast aside their weapons and leapt at Danielle and the heroes. */ \* Ichiiro was displaying to a bound, gagged and naked Caldara that just because he was an ordinary student in a not-so-ordinary school, he could still be a merciless and heartless bastard. "Yoshi fell back into the chair in the lounge of the underground Kyoto Legitimate Businessman's club," he read. "He never got to do anything fun with his father. The only thing dad let him do were..." Caldara shouted out, "Oh, for the love of mecha, please stop this inhumane torture! I'll do anything! ANYTHING!" "Anything?" Ichiiro asked with an arched eyebrow. "ANYTHING!" Caldara sobbed. Ichiiro wrung his hands together, cackling evilly and walking towards his prisoner. */ \* Meanwhile, Martina, Uzume, Treisel, Kim, Scarlett and Danielle were in a no- holds-barred, hardcore, hey-that-was-my-NOSE slugfest and free for all agasint NeoVid, Ryoga, Sailor Dragon Barf, Cleo, Yoshi and Kleenex Man. */ \* "BARF!" Sailor Dragon Barf barfed. Queen Uzume narrowly dodged a rain of deadly puce bubbles. "Kim is MINE!" "WAH!" Queen Uzume wahhed. "You're mean, so I'll smite you in the name of everything happy and cheerful!" */ \* "You're toast!" Martina scowled. Cleo laughed. "You cannot kill that which is already dead, you pink-haired FREAK!" "FREAK?!?" Martina spat, her aura ablaze in a blend of unfriendly colors. */ \* Treisel just... looked... at his opponent. "Um... er..." he muttered. "Listen. If you must know, it was my wife's idea for this gimmick," Kleenex Man explained. "...right." */ \* Kim and Yoshi were engaged in a fast and furious fight to the finish. Well, Yoshi was furious. Kim, however, was smiling smile #5A4RQ73, the "I'm Fighting An Undead, Sword-Wielding Character From A Concluding Impro, But I'm Not Worried Because I Fight For Justice, And In The End, Justice Prevails," smile. */ \* If there's one thing I hate, it's engaging in battle with self-insertion avatars with chaotic powers. When I- "AHEM!" the third-person narrative interrupted. "You're doing it again!" Do you mind? I'm in the middle of fighting NeoVid here! "Then fight him for frog's sake! Leave the narration to me!" the third-person narrative snapped. If there's one thing I hate, it's pushy third-person narratives. "I HEARD THAT!" */ \* "Danielle Danielle Kick!" Danielle shouted, booting Ryoga three times in the head. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Ryoga shouted, getting booted in the head three times. Danielle followed up her assault with a Shinku Gadouken, throwing Ryoga back into a wall. */ \* The fighting went on for twenty minutes. Neither side was able to press any advantage, but all combatants were ready to collapse. Ichiiro rushed into the room, holding Caldara by the hand. "Guess what, guys!" Ichiiro shouted. "I'm getting married!" All 12 combatants turned and shouted, "WHAT?!?" "OH, HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO! Merry Chris- er... I mean... Ichiiro- kun is right. We shall be wed. And for our honeymoon, we will TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Ta!" Ichiiro and Caldara merrily skipped off. "Well, that sucks," Treisel muttered. "But we can stop them!" Charles shouted, coming out of nowhere. "How?" Scarlett asked. "With this!" Charles held up a bottle of maple syrup. "The mighty Danielle says this to you! That is merely a bottle of maple syrup!" Danielle tanuted. "Perhaps," Charles explained, "But it also holds the souls of countless pancakes, hash browns, strips of bacon and other breakfast foods. And it will be more than enough to defeat Caldara's invasion." "Oh, yeah?" Sailor Dragon Barf taunted. "Prove it!" Charles uncorked the bottle and threw it at the villains. NeoVid, Ryoga, Yoshi, Cleo, Sailor Dragon Barf and Kleenex Man were engulfed in a syrupy, greasy blob which instantly hardened. "HAH!" Charles hahed. "Doubt me, will you?" "That's great," Scarlett explained. "But how are we supposed to stop the Honeymoon Invasion now that you've used up all of those Breakfast Food Souls?" "....oh, crud," Charles cursed. Kim gave smile number #-6(pi)i^3, the "Oh, My; The Needless Expenditure Of Breakfast Food Souls May Have Doomed Us All," smile which is always accompanied by a forlorn sigh. */ \* "And so it will [END]. And it will be [SILLY]. And there will be lots of-" Mark rolled his eyes. "DANIELLE!" Jonatan shouted, laughing hysterically. ravi sighed. "Ard, if you'd be so kind," he said. Ardweden nodded. She placed her hand on Woofer's shoulder. Noticing that a woman was making physical contact with him, his entire body blushed. He fainted a few moments later. CAN OUR HEROES STOP THE MARRAIGE OF ICHIIRO AND CALDARA? IF NOT, CAN THEY STOP THE HONEYMOON INVASION? AND WHO WOULD OFFICIATE THE WEDDING? AND DOES CHARLES KNOW WHERE TO FIND REPLACEMENT BREAKFAST FOOD SOULS? AND HASN'T THE WORD, "[THRUST]" BEEN CRIMINALLY UNDERUSED IN THIS STORY? All this and less in the next chapter, written by whomever opts to write it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The utterly ridiculous part 8 [ Post a new reply ] [ Back to the message board ] This message was posted by Steve the Mad Scougall, posted on March 18, 2000 at 08:26:34 coming from com.au This message is a reply to And now... part seven! posted from Kichigaisakka W4 posted at March 13, 2000 at 14:59:00 WRITING CRAZY MESSAGE BOARD OMAKE TYPE THINGS CAN BE TRICKY, OR AT LEAST WEIRD Subtitle: Self Insertion Madnesse! Subsubtitle: And is it ever. Subsubsubtitle: Tricky, Weird, and mad, I meant. Started by Steven Scougall aka Steve the (Fill in the blank here) Scougall aka a couple of other things Woofer called him in part 2 that Steve can't remember quite at this moment This segment by the very same person who started this whole mess. Please don't shoot him, he's still relatively young and doesn't particularly want to die. --- Steve stared at the MB Omake piece that had, just as he'd feared, spiralled right out of control. "This thing's gone way out of control," he grumbled. "Akane insults? Danielle Hibiki?" Woofer loomed, light glinting off his glasses ominously. "You have something against Danielle Hibiki? You LIKE Akane?" ravi ducked behind a handy object, which turned out to be Jonatan. "If he wants to antagonise Woof when he's in the Riot of the Chibi, that's his problem," muttered the lowercase author. --- Our heroes - that is the ones that were still present and hadn't been transformed or anything, you know, Martina, Uzume, Treisel, Kim, Scarlett and Danielle - were interrupted in their "What shall we do next" musings when a a messy-and-brown-haired man wearing utterly average clothes crashed through the wall, followed closely by a brown-haired man in a green labcoat. The restaurant, unable to take any more structural abuse, chose this point to collapse upon the entire heap of sorry louts, killing them all instantly. The End . . . . . . . Oh, all right, it didn't kill them. It just meted out some injuries: Kim gasped in horror as he glanced in a coincidentally shiny surface and saw that one of his front teeth was missing. How was he ever going to smile Smile #900 now? Danielle Hibiki muttered something about the mighty head of Danielle Hibiki being able to withstand the mightiest blow, just before Uzume landed on it. Uzume bawled as Danielle decided to take a short nap. Martina glowed a bright blue and her hair was very pink. This is her body language for "I am very very very very very very very VERY mad and am looking for someone to take this anger out upon." She decided to take it out on Scarlett, as this author knows nothing about Scarlett's characterisation and this was a handy way to remove Scarlett from the chapter. Treisel had seen everything about to collapse on him and had quickly raised a Shield spell around him, at the exact point Tao entered the restaurant. Her aura twisted his Shield spell into a Summon Sand spell, and everyone was very sandy. --- If there's one thing I hate, it's being removed from a chapter in a painful way like this. "Do you MIND?" asked the third person perspective, its arms crossed and tapping its foot impatiently. "Just go away," I asked it. "I'm trying to defend myself from this psychotic pink haired woman." --- Martina became even angrier at being referred to as psychotic and landed a killing blow! Oh all right Esli, it wasn't a killing blow. Sheesh. Some people panic too much. It was just a 'knock this person out so she collapses in a dainty dramatic way' blow. --- "Hello, you have reached Scarlett Marquee's First Person Perspective answering service. I'm not conscious right now, so leave your name, message, and number after the beep, and I'll come back after coming back from playing with the penguins. Thank you!" *BEEP* --- "Whose bright idea was it to change to Scarlett's perspective after she was knocked out?" The little used Second Person Perspective said to the Third Person Perspective, "You look up at the byline and see that the current chapter is being written by Steve 'Fill in the Blank' Scougall, and swear vengeance upon him. You look at his unconscious body and decide to wait until he awakes before beating him up." "Thanks, Secondy," said the Third Person Perspective. "You smile back as Secondy says 'You're Welcome!'", said Secondy as the Third Person Perspective smiled in thanks. --- "Well, this is a shambles," said the smelling-of-fish Jonatan. "Any ideas on what should happen next?" WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? "Oh, that's easy," said Narrative Imperativity. "The heroes have to wake up." I MEANT *AFTER* THEY WAKE UP. "With authors like this, I have NO idea," said Narrative Imperativity. I SEE.