---------------------------------------------------
                	      TO HELL AND BACK

       	     Chapter 9 - The Crucial Ramifications Of Consumption
			 By Monster And/Or The Living Undead

    	            Original Concept by Steven Scougall, 1999
            		    This part by Madsman
	      ---------------------------------------------------


Treisel watched from where he was hanging from the wall with Tao and three
others as Zeke and Waj tried to negotiate with a roomful of several different
creatures notorious for being rather difficult to negotiate with.

"Okay, think, Treisel," he muttered to himself. "You can work your way out of
this... hell, you've been in *worse* situations than this, right?"

In retrospect, Treisel decided that, no, he had in fact, *not* been in a
situation worse than he was in now. 

Yes, there was that blood-chiling time that Hunter had attempted to turn him
into a creature *with* no blood... and then there was the time that an entire
populace of mad, pitchfork-and-whatnot-wielding townsfolk chased them out of
Lurien, and his group's barely escaping with their heads intact... and there
*was* that time when a bunch of grass clad mountain cannibals attempted to
cook said heads and serve them as appetizers... and the time he and Tao
almost got stuck on the astral plane when a malcontent sorcerer took it upon
himself to try and 'persuade' them to see his menagerie...

All troublesome times, certainly. But at least their oppressors then were
*human*.

Treisel swallowed nervously as he saw one of the vampires confronting Zeke
and Waj holding a book that read, "Cooking Along With Hans!", subtitled,
"Over A Hundred Different Ways To Bring New Life To Those Boring Old Human
Dishes!".

Plus, for some reason, Dr. Bulman, the fellow who had thrown him in the brig
for summoning Waj, was here as well. Chancellor Hatstring had probably
changed his mind about *just* expelling Treisel.

No, he had *definitely* never been in a worse situation than this.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


"Well?" Wajissabequahze whispered to his angelic ally.

"*You're* the demon here!" Zeke retorted. "Don't you have some kind of sway
or authority over these foul legions?"

Waj halflidded his eyes and turned to his companion. "Now how do you figure
that? I'm a demon *farmer*, not some dark overlord or nobleman."

With a sigh, Zeke materialized his trademark Holy Mace in his hands as he
crouched in a battle stance. Reluctant to be fighting again after so soon, 
Waj made his pitchfork appear as well. Truth to be told, he'd rather be 
drinking and eating something at the moment, rather than deplete his reserve
by engaging in some combat.

Then Waj reminded himself that they were about to fight because all those
other fellows *also* wanted to be drinking and eating something at the
moment, specifically Tao and Treisel and those others, whoever they were. And
neither Waj nor Zeke could let that happen, not if they could help it.

Just as an extremely one-sided bout between a demon and an angel against a
whole caboodle of magical creatures seemed unavoidable, Waj was struck with a
sudden flash of divine inspiration (well, as divine as it *can* get, his
being a demon from Hell and all...).

Actually, it was just the flash of a Fire spell from a vampire trying to get
a preemptive strike in, but as Waj fell from the blast, he was hit with an
idea as well, nonetheless. The vampire, on the other hand, was also hit...
with the business end of Zeke's Holy Mace.

The rest of the unholy congregation growled at this assault on their comrade
and stepped closer to the two by the door, fully intending to rip them both
apart.

"Hold it!" Waj yelled at the mass of bloodthirsty individuals from his place
on the floor. They eased somewhat but only momentarily, as they all looked
ready to just jump in and kill something.

Waj stood up, seemingly unhurt from the Fire spell (he was, after all, a
demon) and dusted himself off. He grinned at them and said, "It looks like we
have a bit of a misunderstanding here..."

"No we don't!" a rough voice from the back disagreed. "You said that those
five humans on the wall were yours! And we won't let you have 'em!"

"Yeah!" the rest added.

"Yes! That's what I said and..." Waj paused to remember what it was he was
going to say. When he got it, he folded his arms and said, "... you *have* to
let us have them because... we're... uh... from the NFA! The Netherworld Food
Authority!"

"The Netherworld Food Authority?" echoed a clueless troll.

"Never heard of it!" yelled a two-headed giant. It was a big inn.

"Oh, but it exists!" Waj countered. "We... um... were just established... to
... to make sure that all humans that monsters eat are safe! And those
five..."

He pointed at where Triesel, Tao and the other captives were giving him a
look that said, 'Dear lord, what are you *doing*?'. "Those five are... um...
*contaminated*! Yeah! that's it! They're unsafe to eat!"

"Ve von't know until ve try, ja?" the vampire smirked. There was a rumble of
agreement from behind him.

As Waj struggled with a difficult mob, Ezekiel had made use of the time Waj
had bought for him and came up with his own idea.

"What he meant was... those humans are *going* to be ours," Zeke clarified
for them, stepping in for Waj smoothly.

"What do you mean?" a confused werewolf snarled.

"You see, we want to *buy* them from you," Ezekiel declared with confidence. 
"You don't think that we'd take what's rightfully yours without reimbursing
you, right?"

Beside him, Waj gave his heavenly counterpart a sideways glance. He certainly
hoped that his old friend knew what he was doing... But he had to admit, ol'
Zeke was turning on the charm again.

Apparently, it was working as the gang of horrors seemed to be considering
it.

"Hmph, I dinnae see why not," grunted the orc in the skirt. "I kno' dat *I*
kood yooz a wee bit of extra money."

"Hold it, heaven-boy," a brownie stepped forth and challenged the angel. 
"Just how *much* money can you give us for these humans?"

"A couple dozen gold coins," Zeke responded easily. "Give or take a few."

At the mention of gold, almost all of the monster's mouths watered and light
levels in the room rose slightly as eyes gleamed. If there was one thing the
old angel could count on, it was every monster's fixation for gold and other
treasure. One could always hope to manipulate them by a simple mention of the
word.

The monsters huddled together for a quick discussion.

Waj blinked and turned to Zeke. "Where will we get that kind of money?"

"Just trust me okay?" Zeke hissed back. "And play along..."

"Okay," Waj shrugged. "*You're* the one with the plan..."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Meanwhile, the inn's proprietors, a bunch of pygmy cannibals (they had
nothing to fear from the nonhumans as their eating people as well gave them
something in common), were watching the proceedings warily. They had heard
some of the exchange and thought that they were entitled to at least *some*
of that gold. After all, they had gone through all that trouble to use an old
MegaTeleport spell that a witch had taught them to get near Lurien and
capture those three who were now hanging beside Tao and Treisel...

Sure, there were enough wild animals to hunt around but the pickings on
humans were slim those days.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Tao glanced once at Treisel hanging beside her and verified that, like her,
he was definitely not enjoying being tied up.

Tao was itching, aching and generally very uncomfortable. She squirmed a bit
in her bonds to try and loosen them but all it got her was even more chafing
from the rough ropes. She sighed in defeat and resigned herself to watching
Waj and Zeke try to buy them out.

"They tied us up real tight, didn't they?"

Tao blinked and turned her head towards the person tied up closest to her. A
rather pretty girl in armor smiled back at her.

Tao said what immediately came to mind.

"Huh?" Tao replied blankly.

"I said," the girl reiterated. "They tied us up real tight, didn't they?"

"Oh," Tao nodded, finally understanding. "Yes, they did."

She returned to watching the bargaining by the door.

Iryien smiled slyly at how the girl in glasses hanging beside her refused to
pick up the conversation. She had always found a kind of appeal to the shy,
quiet types. And this one was as shy and as quiet as they could get. With a
grin, she redoubled her efforts.

"Do you think your friends will be able to get us out of here?" Iryien asked
Tao, the question half a sincere inquiry, and half a ploy to get her talking
to her.

"I certainly hope so," Tao said and bit her lip, not taking her eyes off of
Waj and Zeke, completely failing to notice Iryien's doggedness.

Iryien pouted slightly and then decided to be a little more direct.

"Why don't we introduce ourselves first?" she smiled at Tao, who looked at
her puzzledly. "I'm Iryien. Iryien Maglashka. You?"

"Uh... I'm Tao. Tao Feymu. You're with Dr. Bulman over there, by your friend,
right? How'd you three get here, anyway?"

"..."

"What? What's wrong?"


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Beside Iryien, Genni was staring dumbfoundedly at Waj. Quickly, she turned to
Dr. Bulman.

"Dr. Bulman! Dr. Bulman!" she said in an excited voice. "Isn't that a demon?
And wasn't that expelled guy what's-his-face supposed to be bringing a demon
along with him? Wasn't he?"

"Indeed, you're right, Ms. Poshtin," Dr. Bulman muttered. "The two who have
just been captured with us are indeed Mr. Arrayarli and Ms. Feymu. Quite a
remarkable coincidence, really... that we stumble onto them barely a week
into our search."

He tried to turn his head to look at the said two but Genni's head
effectively blocked his view in the same way that Iryien's head prevented
Genni from seeing them.

"So we accomplished our mission, right?" Genni beamed, barely able to contain
her delight and wanting to jump around in joy. Well, being tied up, she
couldn't, of course. "We can return them to Chancellor Hatstring and you can
give me my credits, right?"

"Genni..."

"Yes, Dr. Bulman?"

"*After* we get out of here. Okay?"

"Yes, Dr. Bulman..." Genni smiled sheepishly.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


By the inn's doorway, an interesting battle between two evils was playing
out. It seemed that avarice was winning over gluttony. The denizens agreed to
Zeke's proposal.

"Olright," said a large ogre, who had become his side's representative.
"We dun believe dat yer really from de NFA but we'll give ya the humans, ya
greedy chumps."

Waj, Zeke and the five humans sighed in relief and everyone put away their
weapons, claws, fangs and other things that would mete out harsh punishment
to those unfortunate enough to be meted punishment to.

The ogre wasn't finished yet, however. "Now about dat gold..."

Human and demon eyes turned to Zeke.

"It's with one of the humans," Zeke pointed out calmly, indicating Treisel. 
"The leftmost."

"Hunh?" the ogre snorted. "Why wudd yer gold be wid dis human?"

"He's a thief," Zeke explained. "He stole it from me earlier and-..."

"Fine, fine," the ogre gruffed, not having a lot of patience. That just went
to show how wisely sentient monsters chose representatives. "Just as long as
ya pay us."

The brute turned around to shout at those near the back. "Youz guys back der!
Bring us de human on de leftmo-..."

Every other nonhuman had had their attentions focused on Zeke and Waj and
looked towards the back only when the ogre did so. As a result, only then did
they notice that a few of the trolls were with the humans.

One of them seemed to be shaking salt onto one of the humans, who had all
been gagged. He stopped only when he was elbowed by another troll who had
noticed the sudden shift of attention towards them. He quickly hid the salt
shaker behind his back, dropped Treisel's leg and tried to look innocent.

"Whadja think ya doin!!?" the ogre roared.

"You sssslime!" screamed a harpy.

"WHAT!?" an indignant tentacled slime yelled back from the right.

"Not you!" the harpy sweatdropped. "The trolls!"

"Oh," the slime said weakly. "Uh... LET'S GET 'EM!"

And get them they did. Five minutes and five unconscious trolls later,
Treisel was freed and given to Waj and Zeke. They were allowed to go to a
back room to discuss things in private.

"Okay, thanks for saving my butt back there," Treisel panted and rubbed his
arms, sore from being tied up and hung. "Now what?"

"Okay, Treisel. No time to lose. Give me that package," Ezekiel ordered.

Treisel blinked. "*What* package?"

"Yeah, what package?" Waj asked, making Ezekiel arch an angelic eyebrow. "I
thought we put them all in that pocket dimension."

"Not this one," Zeke stated. "Treisel has once again shown how he is really
capable of being a leader."

This elicited a "Hunh?" from Treisel.

Zeke patted him on the back. "Somehow, you knew that the package contained
gold, didn't you? And you wanted to keep it safe, right?"

Treisel opened his mouth to say something. "What pa-"

"And *that's* why you cast Fusion on it and yourself, you clever boy, you!"
Zeke finished proudly. He poked Treisel's chest.

Waj put a hand to his chin. "You mean that Treisel buried a package in
himself so that he wouldn't lose it? That's resourceful! Good work, Trei! I
didn't even detect it!"

"I barely could, either," Zeke laughed and patted Treisel on the back a
couple more times. "But when I knew, I cast a True Sight spell on myself and
found that the thing had gold in it. So how about it, Trei? Let's see that
gold."

Treisel, for the most part, didn't understand a bit of what was going on. But
now that Zeke mentioned it, there *was* a strange feeling in his chest. It
was as if something had been integrated into that part of him so that he
wouldn't even notice that he had been carrying it all along.

Dazedly, he recalled his lessons on reversing Fusion spells and retrieved the
package. It took some effort but he did it. He was surprised it was even
there. It was as heavy as a package of gold would be.

*Now how in the world did I get THIS in me?* Treisel wondered as he held the
hefty box.

"Good," Zeke said. "Now let's open it and see how much we have..."

When the package was opened, something in the gold coins must have triggered
a chemical reaction or something because Treisel and Zeke started acting
*very* strangely...

"GOLD!" Treisel breathed, eyes wide. "I really didn't believe it when you
told me... but here it is... *real gold*! Lots of it!"

Zeke took one look at them and turned to Waj. "Uhh... I think *you'd* better
give these to the guys out there, Wajissabequahze, ol' pal, buddy."

"Eh? Why?" Waj picked up one of the coins. "Is it because of these writings
on here?"

"Yeah, kinda," Ezekiel muttered. "I guess you could say that..."

Treisel was running his hands through the money. "With this, I could forget
about going to *any* university! Heck, I could live without working for the
rest of my life!..."

Waj turned a coin around in his palm, somehow liking the crafted feel of it.
"Why? What does it say, Zeke? I've been a farmer most of my life and I really
haven't had that much of an education. This script must be real old 'cause I
can't recognize it."

"Umm... it's nothing important..." Zeke said evasively. "Really."

"Guys!" Treisel called to the two, distracting Waj. "Do we really have to
give this gold to those monsters out there?"

"You don't want to be eaten, do you?" Waj reminded him.

"But, we'll be rich and..."

"But nothing," Ezekiel told him. "What about Tao and those three others out
there? Would you leave them?"

Something ached inside Treisel as the usually dormant empathy bone in his
body began to throb viciously.

"Oh... okay," Treisel submitted. "Let's go out there, Waj."

"Sure," Waj grinned. He took the package with both hands and was about to
turn towards the door.

"Uh, Trei?"

"Yeah, Waj?"

"Uh... could you let go of the package?"

"Oh," Trei grinned sheepishly and complied. "Sorry."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


In a faraway land, away from the prying eyes of mortals and away from the
majority of the prying eyes of immortals even, stood the abode that belonged
to... Him. No, not Treisel. *Him*.

Presently, He was inside and lounging about in His throne room.

He was in a good mood for just the other day, His shapeshifter minion and
female one had reported that their packages had been sent, secured and safe.

Now, He had just sent three of His best servants to keep tabs on how His
undoubtedly flawless plan was going. Yes, His plan was undoubtedly flawless,
but it *did* make sense to play it safe.

He laughed. "AHAHAHAHAAA!!! My plan is so undoubtedly flawless, that not even
They nor Death who serves Them shall be able to stop Me! AHAHAHAAA!"

He powerposed. "Once I have eliminated that Feymu girl, her aura and all
evidence of her existence, They shall have nothing to hinder my plans!!!"

"Who?" a voice squeaked from the darkness. "That Feymu girl and her friends?"

He glared at the source. "No! *They*, They! Get it?"

"Ah."

He resumed his powerpose. "I shall usurp Them and take my rightful place as
the ruler of all the land! NGYAHA! NGYAHARHARHARHARHARHAR!!!"

Now, you'd think that anyone who had the guts to face up to Death and They
whom Death represented would be very intelligent. However, that possibility
could easily be discounted as He uttered his next few words.

"MUAHAHAHAAA!" He guffawed, really enjoying Himself. "My plan is so
undoubtedly flawless!!! What can *possibly* go wrong with it!?"

At this point, somewhere in the heavens, a deity laughed.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


In a lofty palace somewhere, They were in a flurry of activity. They were
deep in concentration and thought. They were playing checkers.

"That Feymu girl found yet?"

"Nope."

"I *knew* I shouldn't have trusted Phil to hide her in the university."

"Nah, don't worry. She'll be brought back. 'sides, her aura hasn't reached
maturity yet so we won't be able to use her for a while."

"Yeah... I guess you're right."

[sound of several clicks]

"I win."

"Damn."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Miles away from the Human's Head inn, Chancellor Hatstring was having gold
problems of his own.

Several of the most talented mages from the Faculty of Magic were in
protective gear and closely inspecting some strange-looking gold coins. They
took notes as they went as well, experimenting on them either alone or in
small groups.

Chancellor Hatstring was present as well, too anxious about the nature of the
coins to leave the investigation unobserved.

The investigation had been going on for a while now; roughly around ten
hours, not counting faculty union coffee breaks. Finally, the mages had made
their evaluation and gave them to their superior, Dr. Zerev.

The old mage turned around and held a coin up for Hatstring to see.

"Definitely cursed," he told Hatstring, who was trying to stay at a safe
distance. "These coins are enchanted with something nasty, though we don't
know what. Looks like really high-level stuff... An Accumulation spell."

*Perfect,* the Chancellor thought in an ugly way. "Can you get rid of it by
casting Dispel Magic on it?"

"Unfortunately, no," the rather overweight mage replied grimly. "The bloody
thing's been tampered so that it resists Dispel Magic. The best we can do is
restrain it with a Keep or even a Null Effect."

*It figures,* Chancellor Hatstring grumped in his mind. *Of course. It would
be too easy for me if the enchantment COULD be Dispelled, now, wouldn't it?*
He knew that the enchantment's resistance to Dispel Magic was a very, very
bad sign, indeed. No. It was a very, very, [BAD] sign.

However, Death, a mysterious woman and convenient replications of Death each
representing Someone had all been bad signs as well. And he was getting
pretty tired of it.

And, considering where the coins had come from and all the attention it was
being given, Hatstring was actually not all that surprised. Just damn
annoyed.

"Good, good," Hatstring told Zerev wearily, ignoring the worried look on the
mage's face. He also sensed that something [BAD] was afoot. "You do that. I'm
going to go get some rest."

"Very good, sir," Zerev nodded. He returned to his team to begin restraining
the coins.

Hatstring hadn't had a nap in over five hours and the severe disruption of
his biological clock was wreaking havoc on his judgement and it made him
cranky as well. So when Death appeared yet *again* to him in the hall, he
really couldn't be blamed for his words.

"What do you want from me *now*?" Hatstring groaned loudly at the hooded
figure with the scythe, waving his arms wildly in the air. "The coins are
going to be restrained, I've sent someone to investigate Ms. Feymu and this
is all coming out of the univer- I mean, *my* pocket. What more could you
possibly want from me!?"

Death cocked his skull to the side a bit. "UHHH... WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IS VERY
COMMENDABLE, CHANCELLOR HATTDEHESSZTRYINGGNKGYWE... BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU
THAT I'M REALLY NOT HERE FOR THAT."

"Oh?" Hatstring was genuinely surprised.

"I'M HERE FOR WHAT I *USUALLY* DO WHEN I'M NOT RUNNING ERRANDS FOR *THEM*."

"Eep."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Somewhere in the Great Zinnonthian University, assumably somewhere dark and
dank and probably a nice place to lurk, a hooded figure in a robe and cloak
remarkably similar to that of Death's was peering into a scrying dish.

"No! Not now! Not when it's so close to resolving!" the figure wailed.
"Restraining the coins will ruin everything!!!"

"Tsk," a female figure beside him tsked. She twirled a random white-blonde
lock of her hair with her finger absently. "And I went to all that trouble of
giving them to the old goat too..."

The Death impostor turned to the woman. "What do we do now? We can't let this
happen! He'll be pissed!"

"Hattdhessztryinggnkgywe?"

"No! *He*! Our boss, remember?"

"Oh, right." The woman cradled her arms and appeared deep in thought. "Tell
you what. You get those coins back here and I'll try to cast a Dispel Magic
on their Null Effect field..."

"... And after that, I return the coins! And they'll think that they're still
restrained! Brilliant!"

"Naturally," the woman said, not a little proudly.

The shapeshifter chuckled. "They won't know what hit 'em! Okay! here I 
go!..."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Change into something inconspicous... you look like a schmuck."

"Oh, right..." The figure turned into a normal looking university student.
"How's this?"

"Better. Now go. We're running out of time."

With a nod, the morphling vanished with a 'poof!' from his teleport spell.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Outside the Human's Head Inn, another woman was stalking some other people.

She impatiently moved a stray strand of red hair from her face as she watched
the inn intently from an alley. She shifted the covered barrel of...
something... she was hiding behind to get a better view.

"Soon, soon..." she told herself quietly. "That spell He cast will resolve
and the plan will be complete... and since I went to great lengths to ensure
that the package won't be leaving the boy, it will be *perfect*..."

She grinned to herself. She had no idea what was going on inside, apparently.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


"Are you sure it was wise to mess around with the mail?" Tao Feymu asked
Treisel. "We were entrusted with it, you know..."

The transaction had been made and the humans freed. As Waj was dividing
the gold among the monsters, Ezekiel and the five were already walking to the
door.

"Look at it this way, Tao," Treisel smiled at her. "We wouldn't be here right
now to send the rest of the mail if we *didn't* mess with the mail, right?"

That sounded like extremely shaky logic to Zeke. That revelation, however,
was lost to Tao as she was once again semi-hypnotized by Treisel's smile.

"Besides, Tao," Zeke added tonelessly, not noticing Tao's mind's recent
departure from the real world. "That package had no destination address or
return address. It was as good as ours."

Treisel grinned, extremely relieved to be walking out the Human's Head inn
door, or even still being *able* to do so. Trei was rather puzzled, actually.
Zeke seemed withdrawn ever since he saw the gold and Tao was acting peculiar
again. He looked at Tao, who swooned from the inside.

"Besides," Treisel told her. "Who would be *stupid* enough to send money
through the mail in this day and age anyway?"

Behind him, Dr. Bulman winced. He had once had an unfortunate experience
concerning mail-order weasel meat. But that was a *long* time ago...


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


The head of the Faculty of Magic walked into the laboratory carrying a large
ham sandwhich. Investigating enchanted artifacts always gave him an appetite.
But then again, doing most *anything* gave him an appetite. 

As Zerev moved his bulk through the empty lab, he noticed something strange.
He had distinctly remembered leaving the coins on the table so that he could
cast a Null Effect on them when he got back.

He turned to look for someone to ask where the coins went but there was
nobody to ask, the rest of his staff having gone out as well.

"Hmph," Dr. Zerev shrugged in between a mouthful. "Maybe ol' Pfhizzitd wanted
to do it himself..."

Satisfied with this conclusion, the old mage didn't give it a second thought
and left. He needed some more mustard.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Pfhizzitd glared at the laboratory. No one was there. He looked at the table.
Nothing was there either.

"Tsk... I thought I told them that *I* would be doing this this time... the
inconsiderate sods..."

At that, the irate proffesor stalked off feeling very annoyed.

It would be rather funny to see what would happen if ol' Fizzit ever happened
to tell Dr. Zerev about the missing coins. The head mage's reaction to that
would porbably be even funnier.

But that's to be told in another chapter (if ever).


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


"Okay... so there aren't any clues in Tao's room... that figures," Rahve
muttered to herself and tapped her notepad to her chin. "Hmmm... where to
next..."

After a few moments of contemplation, her face fell. "Oh great. Now I have to
check the school records. Damn, but I *hate* paperwork..."

Nevertheless, Ms. Rahve Lisken bravely walked onwards to... to... wherever it
was they kept the students' files. She had checked where it had used to be
and found that it had been blown up after a small "accident".

Okay, so she was going to Guest Service first and find out where exactly it
was they kept the student's files now.

The detective sighed as she began to navigate the almost empty halls (it was
a weekend). She would have a bit of a walk ahead of her.

She wished she had brought some gum along.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


The Death double, now posing as a university student, was quite happy. Now
that he had swiped the coins, he could bring them to the woman so that she
could cast her Dispel Magic on them. The enchantment already on the coins
would resist it but the Null Effect would dissappear. And then *nothing*
would stop the spell on the coins from resolving.

As he was walking down a corridor, he saw a woman approaching. She wasn't
what one would call beautiful, especially since her features were covered by
a brimmed hat and she had a trenchcoat on, but she was a far cry from being
plain or, heaven forbid, homely.

The minion chuckled and guessed that, since the plan was going through so
well, he might as well have a little fun. After all, what could go wrong?

He, like his boss, wasn't very bright when it concerned questions like that.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Rahve hated college guys. Even when she was still in college. Okay, so she
only hated those with perverted streaks. But so far, she'd only met a
precious few who didn't fit in that category. Either all the respectable guy
students were situated elsewhere or she was just extremely unlucky when it
came to meeting decent men.

Perverted college students, especially ones from schools of magic, were all
so snotty and they thought they were better than her and they could do
whatever they wanted with any girl. It just made her want to hit somebody.

Also, she could tell that the one approaching now was one such student. Chalk
it up to her detective skills and a few years of experience. 

She especially didn't like the way this one was staring at her as she
approached. She *really* didn't like the way he blocked her way either.

"Excuse me," the private investigator said frostily. "Could I please get
through?"

"What's your hurry, babe?" the fake college student grinned at her, making
her hairs stand on end. "Anything I can help you with?"

"It's nothing for college students like *you*," Rahve smiled at him sweetly,
voice coated with sarcasm. "It's for pros like me, now step aside."

"Child, am I?" the facsimile of a student smirked as he let Rahve pass.
"Okay, but I can't let you pass without some kind of payment first..."

Rahve stopped walking. "Eh?"

That was when the college student grabbed her where men ought not to touch
women they just met. Or even those whom they already knew.

That was a mistake.

"YOU SICK, PERVERTED, LITTLE FREAK!!!" Rahve screamed and, a split second
later, she had grabbed the guy's sling bag from him. It was unusually heavy
but Rahve was too charged with adrenalin to notice.

Rahve didn't bring her club but the bag made do quite nicely. Her thoughts
were along those lines as she swung the said bag.

The minion that He sent, having just been smacked in the face with a bag full
of gold coins, became quite unconscious. The bag of gold dropped on his head
afterwards didn't help matters any.

Dusting her hands off, Rahve spun and left in a huff.

As she left, the figure of the college student melted away to reveal the form
of the Death twin. Apparently, it was a default form of some kind.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


"Whew... you scared me for a while back there," Chancellor Hatstring laughed
nervously, wiping his brow. "For a moment there, I thought you came for
*me*!..."

"NO, NOT YOU, I ASSURE YOU," Death assured him. "IT'S NOT EVEN A STUDENT OF
YOURS... JUST SOMEONE PASSING BY, I BELIEVE..."

"You don't know exactly who?"

"NO... BUT WHEN HIS TIME COMES, I WILL KNOW."

"Ah... Hmm? What is that man doing sleeping in the middle of the hall?"

Both Death and Hatstring halted from their walking as they saw a man lying on
the floor, apparently knocked out.

"Hey!" Hatstring yelled and pointed at the figure. "That's YOU!"

"DO YOU REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUS YOU SOUND?" Death asked him. Death turned to
the figure. "BUT THEN AGAIN... THAT MAN *DOES* RESEMBLE ME SOMEWHAT..."

Hatstring smirked. "How many *other* people do you know who have skulls for
heads?"

Death put a bony finger to his fleshless chin. "WELL, THERE'S FYTHGINNHI...
AND THEN THERE'S GNGNJHOI..."

"Stop, stop," Hatstring requested, putting a hand to his temple. "Forget I
even asked that. Would you spare the time to help me wake this vagabond
up? Sleeping in the halls must not be tolerated."

Death shrugged. "I HAVE NOTHING TO DO UNTIL THE ONE I HAVE COME FOR'S TIME
ARRIVES. HELL, WHY NOT?"

Together, Death and Hatstring brought the dazed man and his (heavy) bag to
the infirmary.

"Hey! He changed into a man!"

"HMMM... HE MUST BE SOME KIND OF HUMAN SHAPECHANGER."

"Stranger and stranger..."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Nighhandnen, the morphling, known as Nigh to most, woke up with a severe
headache. It felt as if someone had beaned him with a bag full of gold. Which
was, of course, exactly what happened.

And then he saw the two people looking down at him. The first was really
nothing special. In all honesty, he was actually a funny looking old man who
looked like he had missed nappy time or something. The other wasn't as quick
to be dismissed.

Nigh immediately began to scream his lungs out and leapt off the bed he was
on to run towards the door screaming like a little girl.

Well, *you'd* do it to, if you woke up and found a skeleton with red flames
for eyes and wearing a hood was staring down at you with a toothy grin on its
face and a sharp scythe in its hand.

Hatstring and Death watched as the man took one look at Death, shrieked and
proceeded to disappear through the door at breakneck speed before either of
them could do anything to stop him.

"..." said Chancellor Hatstring.

"TSK, HUMANS..." Death shook his skull. "CAN'T HANDLE STRESS AT ALL..."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


In his flight, Nigh had managed to grab his bag. He sighed in relief as he
found all the gold coins were there. And then he caught sight of the nearest
chronostone.

"Ach! The spell! It may not be too late!" he screamed as he cast a teleport
spell to transport him to where he had left the woman.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Hiding among the barrels just outside the Human's Head inn, the red-haired
woman saw Treisel's and Bulman's group walk out.

The unseen woman took a look at the sun and verified the time. She grinned
maliciously. "Yes... the spell will resolve right about..."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


The woman glared impatiently at Nigh as he hastily teleported to the room.
"Just *where* do you think you've been??"

"I got... delayed," Nigh excused himself. He thrust the bag out towards the
woman. "Now, cast Dispel Magic on these so I can return 'em and we can go
back to the boss and tell him how well we did our job!"

The woman's eyes half-lidded but she consented. As she held out her hands to
begin the spell, she noticed something.

"YOU FOOL!" she shrieked. "THESE AREN'T RESTRAINED AT ALL!!!"

"What!?" Nigh exclaimed. "You're kidding!"

Apparently, she *wasn't* kidding as she suddenly disappeared in an even
faster Teleport spell than he had executed earlier.

To Nigh's horror, the coins began to glow.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


"Hey... why ar dese coins dey geb us glowing?"

"Ja?"

"I dinnae ken, laddies. But who gives a damn? It's GOLD!..."

"Ja."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


The group of adventurers Hatstring had sent forth huddled in front of the inn
as Treisel's group was busy trying to find Simon.

Iryien turned to Dr. Bulman. "I say we take them now, while they're not
looking!" Iryien particularly liked the idea of tackling that Feymu girl.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Genni bit her lip, eyeing Waj and Zeke.
Though, truth to be told, she wouldn't mind tackling that Treisel guy
either... or better yet, *be* tackled by him.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ms. Maglashka," Bulman reprimanded his consort. "We're
all civilized people here. Even that demon. After all, they didn't leave us
there with those creatures, did they? I'm sure we can talk them into coming
with us."

The diplomatic Pav Bulman stepped forward to speak to Treisel and his
company.

He was a minute too late.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Treisel was at it again. "We escaped the clutches of the Human's Head inn. I
don't think there'll be anything else out there to mess our day any more than
it is already, right?"

Tao nodded unsurely.

Treisel probably deserved the way things got progressively worse and worse
every time he asked a question like that.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


In two distant parts of the continent, two remarkably similar things occured
simultaneously to two completely different places.

Air molecules expanded in sudden heat as combustible elements oxidized
rapidly and light shone from the reaction. Tightly packed material with large
amounts of potential and chemical energy released massive quantities of
radiation, the vibrative force from these events jarring the integrity of
several surrounding rock formations and structures.

In a word, they blew up.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


"What was that!?" Chancellor Hatstring yelled as he heard an explosion. "It
sounded like it came from the store room!"

The chancellor rushed to look outside a window where the top floor of a
building went up in a pillar of flames. With a swallow, feyluck noted that,
had the blast been situated anywhere else, it might have taken out half the
school.

He turned to Death. But the hooded skeleton was gone.

"..."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


The Human's Head inn erupted outward in a fiery, fantastic display of random
pyrotechnics.

Dr. Bulman and his crew, being close to the blast, were flung to the side a
ways off from where they had been standing just seconds ago, indefinitely
interrupting Bulman's would-be spiel with Treisel. The three crashed onto the
cobblestones of the road, each muttering curses unique to their respective
positions.

Treisel and his friends were launched like catapult ammo as well, landing
them a few meters in the opposite direction of Bulman's group and knocked
them down on their faces.

Treisel had been knocked out once again. And just as he was starting to feel
good too.

Tao rushed over to her fallen friend and cradled his head in her hands. 
"Trei? Trei! Wake up!"

To her relief, Trei came to. "Wha? Where am I? Oh, thanks, Tao..."

Tao bit her lip. Surely, this would be it! Her eyes moistened at how she had
become instantly concerned for his safety, at how she was at his side the
moment he was in trouble. And how she knew that he would definitely do the
same for her. 

Treisel looked up and saw that there was something written in Tao's eyes. She
looked almost serene as her head was framed by the sunlight above. "Tao...
what is it?"

Now. She parted her lips to say those most intimate words...

"Damn!" Ezekiel cursed from the soil. "I knew it! It was those damn coins!"

As the rest of them stared at him, Zeke rushed to explain.

Tao could only glare, as eviscerating Zeke would force her to drop Trei's
head on the cold, cruel street.

"Those were enchanted with an Accumulating Spell!" Zeke told them, getting up
and dusting himself off. "It's one where the spell gathers power over time to
be released at a certain date that only the caster knows."

"Accumulation?" Tao asked, already on her feet. "That's *really* high-level
stuff! Who could have cast it? And why have it blow up when it would be sure
to be with us, had circumstances been a little different?"

"I believe *I* can shed a little light on this!"

Everyone turned to the source of the sinister voice and found a woman
standing on a barrel, wielding a very wicked looking red sword.

"Who are YOU?"

She laughed, a painful sound that brought Treisel and his group to their
knees. "Who I am is nothing that concerns you. Well, actually, it *does*
concern you. Because where the coins failed, *I* shall triumph!"

"But why?" Treisel asked incredulously. "Why're you after us?"

"You'll find out. That is, if you live to do so!"

Tao blinked. *I wonder if this has to do with those two back at that cave...*

And she laughed again, the paralyzing sound leaving Waj, Zeke, Tao and
Treisel defenseless against any attack the woman might do.

It looked like this was it for our heroes.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


From behind the barrel, under a pile of thin rags, Simon's eyes shot open at
the most horrible sound he ever had the displeasure to hear in all his donkey
existence. He had just been awakened from a peaceful slumber by this said
sound and he was as mad, annoyed, frustrated and irritated as only donkeys
could get from years and years of practice.

He needed to vent his anger. Fast.

Immediately, he began to scan for the source of the godawful noise and he
found it; the woman standing on the barrel just next to his hiding place
among some crates and more barrels.

Simon stood up and stretched, readying his muscles. he positioned himself
behind the woman.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


The red blade rose, ready to be lowered in a deadly arc.

"Now you're finished!" the woman wielding it cried, making Tao cringe.

*Goodbye, Trei,* Tao thought tearfully. *I'll never be able to tell you what
I really feel now...*

The blade sang as it sliced through the air...

The woman laughed yet again...


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Simon was about to release a month's worth of pent up rage.

The sound started again. Simon reared up on his front legs and [KICKED].


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


The group watched, dumbfounded as their attacker was suddenly rendered
airborne. She whizzed over them and into the burning wreckage of the Human's
Head inn with a crash of collapsed beams and roof material, screaming all the
way.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


"Hm... who's *that*?" Genni wondered as a red-haired woman flew over the
flaming rubble in the middle of the road and into even more flaming rubble by
the side of the road where an inn used to stand.

"Beats me," Iryien replied, looking down at the screaming figure who
disappeared in a cloud of ash and a burst of flame. "I didn't see her
before..."

"The fiend," Dr. Bulman said darkly to himself. "I should have known better
than to trust someone who befriends demons. Surely, this was done by *his*
trickery!.."

Genni glanced at thir team leader.

"Doctor," the apprentice mage asked. "Do you suppose it had something to do
with those strange coins?"

"I don't know," Bulman answered. "But what I do know is that they won't come
with us peacefully."

"So we'll have to take them by force?" Iryien asked their leader.

"Precisely."

Iryien hid a fiendish smile.

"Uh... Dr. Bulman..."

"Yes, Ms. Poshtin?"

Genni pointed weakly at the rubble where various heads were starting to poke
up.

"..."


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Simon was in a rather good mood all of a sudden.

Meanwhile, everyone else checked to see if anything was amiss... aside from
the fact that there was now a smoking heap lying on the road between them and
Dr. Bulman's group (hey! If RE2 can do it, so can I!), effectively
separating them.

Treisel, for one, was relieved. "I wonder what Dr. Bulman was here for. Not
that I'd like to find out or anything..."

"Who *was* that strange lady?" Waj asked himself and scratched his head as he
looked at where the woman had fallen into.

Zeke seemed to be deep in thought again.

"What a day," Tao sighed after fixing her clothes and walked to where they
had left the cart. Miraculously, it had survived any debris that might have
flown from the exploding building nearby.

Treisel smiled tiredly. "Well, at least we're all safe and sound, right?"

The rubble from the Human's head inn shifted and around thirty nonhumans who
had either been sleeping in one of the rooms or been down in the tavern
minding their own business poked their heads up. They turned to stare at
Treisel and his bunch.

Then they turned to the rooftops of the buildings nearby. Most had caught
fire as well.

At first, Treisel and company had around twenty monsters wanting to eat them.

Now they had *thirty* *pissed off* monsters wanting to eat them. Probably not
before some plain, good old-fashioned torture.

"If it *was* the coins that did these, I don't think I want to be anywhere
near here right now," Treisel admitted weakly. "Let's... go... okay?"

He turned and saw that the others were already scrambling into the cart in
front of which, Simon was braying irritatedly at having his victory dance
disturbed.

"Hey!!! Wait for me!!!"


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Author's Notes:

Writing this was easier than I thought, considering that I had to deal with
that thrice-be-damned Death/Hatstring/Them thread. I hope I satisfactorily
put that in a good, *sensible* direction.

As for the rest of the threads... ^_^.

Oh, and by the way, did anyone notice how I sacked one character (that overly
confusing morphling) and introduced no new characters ? Do I deserve some
credit for that or something?  ^_^

Oh, and that red-haired woman's supposed to be immortal, right? Right???

Okay, I know that characterization is vague but I was so much into detail and
development that I really didn't have the time or will to think "Now what
would [insert name of character here] say/do, if they were in [insert
situation here]." everytime I wrote.

Looking back on it, I'd say it was worth it, actually.

And if you don't like it... uh...

I'd bribe you to silence with some fanart but, sadly, scanner bwoke ;_;

I *must* find someone else's flatbed scanner to abuse!

But I'm ranting. Anyway...

If you don't like it, you can bite me. Please. Bite me. I deserve it :p.

I think this is easily one of the longest chapters ever. Please, don't hurt
me *too* much. ^_^; I actually got tired rereading my own work. Ah, well...

To Coldfury: Iryien was yours, right? You *saw* this coming, didn't you?
Didn't you? Don't bother denying it. ^_^

On another matter, I threw Rahve in because I want her to go on. It was only
unfortunate that I could not find a longer role for her in my part. Sorry,
Steve ^_^; Maybe the next author...

Steven, did I portray her right? Did I, huh? Did I???

And for the first time ever, I have asked for an extension for my part. And
considering that this is only my third occasion writing for an impro... hmmm.
I really don't know what that would mean.

Prereader thanks go to the esteemed creator of this series, Steven Scougall
and...

[DRUM ROLL]

... myself! Haha! Thanks, Steve and myself! Have a potato chip!

C&C at 
madsthebeast@eudoramail.com

or, for a change of pace, at
amadeoiii@eudoramail.com

Godspeed!!! ^_^

-Mads
"Now I shall go to write my starter on... government workers! AHAHA! Evil!"