--------------------------------------------------- TO HELL AND BACK Chapter 6 - What Else Could Go Wrong? Original Concept by Steven Scougall, 1999 This part by Kate Malloy --------------------------------------------------- When Ezekiel returned to the group, he found Treisel, Tao, and Wajissabequazhe standing in the middle of the burnt-out village, looking lost, exhausted, and generally grumpy. "And where exactly were you?" Tao demanded as soon as she saw him. "If you were supposed to be helping us-" "Ah, but my original orders were simply to see you safely out of Lurien," Zeke interrupted. "Having adequately performed that task, I went to make my report to my supervisors, who then informed me that I was to now continue traveling with your group for the purpose of keeping you safe. I returned as quickly as I possibly could to find...this..." He looked around at the devastation. "Waj, old friend, there appears to have been a very large fire in this area recently. Exactly what went on here?" "Well, you see, there's a very good explanation for this..." Waj began. Treisel was only half listening to Waj's explanation. The other half of him was wondering, as it had been for a very long while, "How did I get myself into this?" "...tied up to a stick..." Waj continued. That was right. He'd been tied naked to a stick, and...wait a minute. NAKED?! He looked down at himself. No, he was definitely wearing a robe now, and he must have been when he rescued Tao as well, because she hadn't looked embarrassed or interested or anything like that. So when did he put it on? Oh, yes, the "Summon Clothing" spell. He'd enchanted himself with it after that unfortunate incident during his second year, the one that involved his lab partner, the goat, and several kegs of vegetable oil. Not something he ever wanted to repeat. He was shaken out of his reverie when he noticed that Waj had stopped talking, and all three of the others were staring at him. Right, he was supposed to be the leader now. "Um...well, let's get moving!" he exclaimed, trying to put as much confidence and cheerfulness in his voice as he possibly could. ***** By late afternoon, they had left the Valley of the Inexorable Banes, and were back on the road to Hasbro. Unfortunately, they soon discovered a problem. "We're almost out of food," Waj stated after consuming several days' worth of dried mutton. "Then we'll have to stop at the nearest town and resupply," Treisel answered sensibly. He pulled out the map (which somehow had managed to stay undamaged throughout the entire adventure) and consulted it briefly. "That would be to the east, in the Land of Ying. It won't take us more than a few days out of our way." "The Land of Ying," Ezekiel stated ominously, "is not the kind of place to go for a visit. Or a vacation. Your mother should have told you never to go near the Land of Ying, and said it was the place where evil sleeps." "Aw, that's nothing we can't handle, right Trei?" Waj asked jovially, clapping Treisel on the back. "Ooof!" Treisel exclaimed as the wind was knocked out of him. Waj took that as a yes. Tao looked uncertain for a moment, then nodded. After all, if there was any fairly nasty magic being slung around, her own magic distortion field would take care of it. Other fairly nasty things...well, she was sure they could come up with something. After all, with a demon and an angel on their side, it would take quite a lot to stop them now. Then why did she have the sudden ominous feeling that they would be meeting that lot very soon? ***** Chancellor Feyluck Hatstring was working late at his desk that night, when suddenly he was filled with a Sense of Foreboding. Wondering why he was suddenly Thinking in Capital Letters, he looked up... ...to find an Ominous Figure standing in the doorway to his office. The figure was dressed in a tattered brown cloak that covered its entire body. It slowly lifted a skeletal finger to point at him. This was Not Good. Feyluck, however, tried to put on a show of nonchalance. "Well, you can't be Death," he reasoned. "I've already met him. So then, you must be..." Suddenly, he had a horrible realization. "Taxes?" he finished weakly. Bloody hell. He hadn't even gotten a chance to enjoy putting up all those lovely coins in the faculty lounge. "No," the figure boomed, "I Am Not Taxes. I Have Come To See You, For I Represent Them." "Represent them? Represent who?" Feyluck asked, not quite comprehending. "Not Them. Them," the figure replied. "Oh, Them." Feyluck Hatstring knew at that moment that he was in Very Deep Shit. ***** By some sort of happy coincidence, Treisel and company found a small inn by the roadside. It was run by a kindly, middle-aged couple who were instantly taken in by Ezekiel's charm (and he could be *very* charming when need be) and agreed to not only let them spend the night at less than half the price, but also gave them a nicely detailed map of the Land of Ying, which would be helpful in avoiding some of Ying's less attractive spots. (Many people would be quick to point out that pretty much all of the Land of Ying would fall under that description.) The inn was quite the picturesque little place, built at the base of a large hill. The hill itself was crowned with a majestic oak tree, and it was there that Tao found herself that night after a refreshing meal of stew and fresh-baked bread. She sat underneath the oak, leaning against its trunk, and enjoyed the cool night breeze. It was nice to just sit back and relax for a little while, considering what they had all just gone through. Plus...this seemed to be a wonderfully romantic spot. It would be just perfect if Treisel would come join her right now. The two of them could sit and talk, or gaze at the stars together. Maybe he would even look into her eyes and tell her... She shook her head. "Stop being so silly, Tao," she told herself. "Next thing you know, you're going to start acting all helpless around Trei." She shuddered. "Mental note: if I ever try to pull a 'Damsel in Distress' act when I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, I *will* smack myself in the head with the nearest Large Blunt Object." Smiling, she closed her eyes for a few minutes, opening them when she heard a voice. "Hey, mind if I sit here for a little while?" Treisel asked. Tao's eyes snapped open. He was standing right there, with that cute smile on his face. Could this finally be it? "Yeah, sure," she answered, as nonchalantly as she possibly could. Treisel sat down next to her and gazed up into the branches of the tree. "Nice night." "Yeah..." "So, this is quite a mess I've gotten us into, isn't it?" He laughed. "Actually, I've kind of been enjoying some of it." "Not that part where we were tied up to sticks and about to be roasted." "No." "Not running for our lives from a bunch of maddened townspeople." "No..." "Okay, how about holding the mail of Lurien hostage...that was a great move, by the way." "Thanks." They sat in silence for a few minutes. "So what exactly have you enjoyed about this trip?" Treisel eventually asked, turning to look at her. Gods, how she wanted to say, "being here with you." But she couldn't. "Actually doing something," she finally replied. "I mean, I was going to study and study, and eventually I'd end up being a magic researcher. It's a job, and it pays, but the most exciting thing that would ever happen to me would be...well, not very exciting." Treisel nodded. "And I want to find out why I have this magic distortion field. And..." No, she really couldn't say anything. Not to him. "Yeah, I've been thinking about my future. I'm not sure about taking Waj up on his offer when we get to Hell. That place still has too many negative connotations for me. But Waj, well, he's a really nice guy, for a demon. Hasn't demanded my soul or attempted to condemn me to eternal torment or anything like that. Mind you..." He sighed. "He sort of indirectly got me kicked out of school. But that was really my own fault." He shook his head. Tao wanted to say something comforting, but couldn't think of anything. So they sat for a few more minutes, until finally Treisel got up. "Well, it's been nice talking with you, Tao. You're a great friend." He smiled at her, that wonderful smile again. "I feel much better now that I've told somebody some of what's on my mind. Get some rest; hopefully tomorrow won't be another one of those wonderfully action-packed days we've been having. But I wouldn't bet on it." He waved and went back into the inn. Tao pounded the ground next to her with a fist. Damn. Missed it again. ***** The Land of Ying was a sprawling territory comprised of ninety percent swamp, eight percent extremely dense forest, and two percent decent living space. A vast majority of the native flora either dripped slime or grew really, really sharp thorns that had the nasty property of regenerating instantly if cut off. (Some of the plants did both.) There were few species native to Ying; the most common were small poisonous animals that would look something like rabbits, were rabbits possessed of fangs, horns, and spiked backs. It was no wonder that the tourist industry in Ying was practically nonexistent. Ying's sole attraction was the Marvelous Menagerie, run by the ruler of Ying, the Sorcerer of the Oxbow Lake. The Sorcerer, one Laistrin by name, was the much less successful and horribly jealous younger half-brother of the famed Elmunster, Wizard of the Coast. The Marvelous Menagerie was, in fact, not marvelous at all. It was simply comprised of members of the Sorcerer's staff dressed up in very strange costumes. In order to rectify that, he was constantly on the lookout for legitimate oddities. Thus, every day, he would sit in the highest room in his Tower of Fairly Nifty Magic, look into his scrying dish, and search for strange things. (Most of the time his scrying dish would focus on that one particular butler...but that was certainly not the type of strange thing he was looking for!) That particular day appeared to be like any other, until Laistrin noticed that his scrying dish was showing him something he'd never noticed before. That was right; he'd run out of mystical seeing potion last week and had to make do with chicken soup instead. No, wait, there was something unusual in the dish. Moving a noodle out of the way, he peered deeper into the dish. It was focusing on one of the borders and...wait? Could it be? Yes, someone was actually entering his kingdom! He jumped up and began to do a happy dance around the room before remembering his case of severe asthma. Wheezing, he sat back down and looked back into the bowl. He watched with delight as they noticed the first billboard for the Marvelous Menagerie. And the second. And the third. ***** "Hey, guys," Waj called out, pointing at one of the billboards. "Think we should check out this 'Marvelous Menagerie?'" "No, it is imperative that we continue on our way as quickly as possible," Ezekiel answered. "Blast," Waj commented. "It looked like it could have been a lot of fun." ***** Laistrin couldn't believe it. How dare these people dismiss his masterpiece like that?! Well, even if they didn't want to come visit the Menagerie, they were going to anyway. He'd just have to...persuade them. He stalked over to his bookshelf, grabbed a spellbook, and began to rifle through it. Surely there was a Spell of Compulsion or a Summon Dragon or something like that in here. His eyes fell on one particular page. "Yes, this is perfect..." ***** Treisel blinked. Something odd was going on here. And why did he have a sudden craving for chicken soup? Before he could answer, he heard a shout from Tao, and then everything went dark... ***** Author's notes: Of course, the spell didn't work properly, being as it was cast on Tao as well, but exactly what was it meant to do in the first place, and what did it actually do? Only the great and mystical ColdFury knows for sure... See if you can guess where the Land of Ying came from, plus some of the ideas for the local wildlife. And, of course, the sorcerer. ^_^ There wasn't very much of Waj in this chapter, and a lot of Tao. Apologies to Waj's fans, and if I ever sign up for another chapter (in the far, far future, let me assure you ^_^) I'll make sure he gets a good part. I really like Tao, though. I kinda identify with her in a way. An idea that I wanted to put in this chapter (but couldn't find a good way to work it in) was for the Sorcerer to discover that Waj and Zeke were actually a demon and an angel, and decide to capture them for his menagerie. Maybe that'll happen when/if they arrive, eh? ^_^ Thanks go to Kristen Smirnov, Eslington, W4, and Mycohl for volunteering to preread. The fact that they didn't actually get a chance to is entirely my fault as I was very late in writing this chapter. Bad me. Bad me. (whacks self on head with Nearest Large Blunt Object) Thanks also go to Mervyn for being extremely understanding. Begging goes to ColdFury and Epsilon not to kill me. ^_^