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                    TO HELL AND BACK

Chapter 2 - Realities of Employment Post-University

Original Concept by Steven Scougall, 1999

This part by: Matthew Campbell
E-mail me at: mgcampb@clemson.edu
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     Hotel bars really weren't Tao Feymu's bag.

     Not that she was much for bars in the first place, but on those 
rare occasions she had allowed her fellow students to drag her to a 
tavern, it was always one of the cheerful, slightly barbaric student 
hangouts that were so popular with those enrolled in the 
Adventurers Faculty.

     This on the other hand, was the hotel bar of the GoodEnough 
Inn, a place where businessmen, travelers, and the occasional 
monster could stop by for the all-important alcoholic pick-me-up 
before going about their business.  It was a rather cheerless room 
located in a building well away from the grounds of the Great 
Zinnonthian University.  A place, thought Tao, where nobody knew 
anybody's name and they rather liked it that way.

     At the bar behind her, she could hear a short white-haired man 
complaining to the bartender.  "Just ran off!  Said they got a better 
offer, and I could just go jump in a lake.  Where I am I going to get 
someone dumb enough, suicidal enough, and desperate enough to-"

     Deciding that she really didn't want to here any more, Tao 
looked at her two companions, sitting at equal distances from her 
around the small circular table they'd claimed for themselves.  
Treisel Arrayarli, the man who tended to give her tingly feelings 
when she spent too much time looking at him, was slumped over 
the table, a beer mug in one hand.  The mug was still mostly full 
since Trei didn't handle his liquor very well- Tao had first hand 
knowledge of that from an incident some months before.  He 
looked depressed, which wasn't surprising considering that he'd just 
been expelled from the Great Zinnonthian University in the most 
unpleasant manner possible.

     Her other "friend" was dressed in a robe one size too large, the 
hood pulled up so as to conceal his face in its shadows.  Since he 
was a demon, Wajissabequahze by name, the robes would hopefully 
help hide the tail sprouting from his backside and the small horns 
projecting from his forehead.  The bright red skin of his hands was 
exposed every time he reached out to grab something, but people in 
Zinnonea lived next to the university and were used to stranger 
things than that.

     Tao wasn't certain whether she ought to be cowering in mortal 
terror or not.  There were some fairly unpleasant stories associated 
with demons, but Tao had no first hand knowledge and precious 
little second hand knowledge.  Demonology courses were 
considered graduate level material, and she had only been in her 
second semester of studies.

     Just at the moment, however, she was far more concerned about 
Trei.  Sitting there staring at his beer wasn't likely to get them any 
further on their quest.  Perhaps, she rationalized, he just needs a 
push. A nudge to get him going and display some leadership 
qualities.

     "Ahem," she said.

     No response.

     "Ahem!" she said again, this time a bit louder.

     Again, no response.  He's just preoccupied, she thought.  No 
doubt every aspect of his mind is focused on planning our next 
move.  I'll just have to be a bit more forceful.

     Working up the maximum amount of phlegm in her throat, Tao 
let loose with a truly massive "AHEM!!!".  It was so loud, patrons 
from across the room turned to stare at her.

     Treisel blinked and straightened up, looking confused. 
Wajissabequahze pushed the hood of his robe back enough to look 
her in the eye and said, "Are you having some sort of throat 
problem, Tao?  I know some excellent herbal remedies, but I'm not 
sure I can find the plants I need here on the mortal realm."

     Flushing at the sudden attention turned upon her, Tao shook her 
head quickly.  "No-no.  I was just wondering if Trei has figured out 
what we're going to do next yet."

     "An excellent question." Wajissabequahze nodded his head in 
agreement, but had to cut short and pull his hood back up where it 
had almost slipped and exposed his horns.

     Treisel's jaw worked for a couple of seconds, and Tao was 
pleased to see a look of determination forming in his eyes.  He 
brushed his red hair back in a gesture that nearly made Tao swoon 
and pounded his hand against the table.  "You're right.  It's time to 
take action.  I may have been kicked out, but I was a graduate 
student at the greatest university in the world.  All I have to do is 
harness my reasoning ability and I should know what to do next.  
It's all a matter of logic and thinking things through.  We just look 
at the situation and take the next logical step."  Getting to his feet, 
Trei stood and shouted, "Let's go forth and make our next move!"

     "Ah good," said Wajissabequahze.  "And what is our next move, 
Treisel?"

     "Well....  maybe you could explain it Tao.  Seeing as how the 
next move is so logical and obvious, really."  He gave her a 
desperate smile.

     Tao realized that the man she had blindly followed out into the 
world had not the slightest idea what to do next, even after several 
hours of thinking about it.  On the plus side, it was nice to have him 
smiling at her like that.  She said, "Well maybe Wajass-, um, 
Wajissub, um-"

     "Treisel has been using Waj," the demon said kindly.

     "Well Waj, maybe if you told us more about what happened in 
Hell to get you stuck here, we'd be better able to figure out how to 
get you out."

     Treisel gave her a thumbs-up out of Waj's view.

     The demon considered, casually grabbing Trei's beer mug and 
taking a sip.  "It's simple enough.  Just let me wet my whistle a 
little, and I'll tell you what happened."

     * * * * * * *

      Wajissabequahze sipped at his Summoner's drink, and said, "I 
guess it started when I was trying to clear out a particularly tough 
patch of weeds."

     As he continued his story, his mind drifted back to Hell.....
_____

     Executing a drop and roll maneuver, Waj dodged a half dozen 
thorns.  Using the momentum to spring back to his feet, he reached 
out with his pitchfork and used it to tangle his adversary's roots.  
He then gave a mighty heave and wrenched the weed completely 
out of the ground, twisting the handle of his pitchfork as he did so.  
It went flying through the air into the nearby compost heap, it's 
furious movements slowing down and then halting completely.

     Brushing off his hands, Waj took a moment to bask in the 
satisfaction of a job well done.  Some of the younger generation 
might have tried a hoe, or even used a flameblast to crisp the weed 
where it stood.  He didn't hold with that kind of modern thinking, 
though.  A pitchfork had been good enough for his grandma, and 
by the Flies, it was good enough for him.

     Speaking of the devil (the younger generation of devils that is) a 
slow clap alerted him to three young demons observing him.  The 
demon in the middle, the same one who had been clapping, said, 
"Nice one, Professor."

     "You know you don't have to call me 'Professor', Ryu," replied 
Waj honestly. "I just hang around to teach some farming tricks I 
happen to know, but I don't think that puts me anywhere above you 
guys studying the hard stuff.  Nice to see you.  You too, Ken, 
Dan."  He nodded to the other two demons in turn.

     "Sure... Waj," said Ryu, an edge in his voice.  "I wish I could 
say its nice to see you, but Ken, Dan, and I have this little problem, 
see.  We tried to sneak a peek at some exams questions a little 
early.  You know, like we were talking about with you last week.  
Only thing was, the professor seemed to already know where and 
when we were going to do it, and we got caught.  Like somebody 
tipped her off.  You wouldn't know anything about that would 
you... Waj?"

     "I'm afraid I was the one that turned you in, boys.  I know you 
thought cheating was the easy way out, but I can tell you in the 
long run that-"  Waj continued on in that vein for several minutes, 
making several sidetrips to espouse his philosophy on the value of 
labor.  He wound down with, "-and I'm sure that given your 
records, you won't actually be expelled.  So you see in the long run, 
I've done you a favor."  He smiled at them hopefully.

     It wasn't that Wajissabequahze was stupid so much as it was that 
he had his own way of looking at things, and lived in the eternal 
hope that other people would learn to share that view.  He knew, 
somewhere in the rational part of his brain, that Ryu, Ken, and Dan 
weren't going to be happy with him for turning them in, no matter 
how much he explained his reasons.  He knew, but his innate sense 
of honesty forced him to confess to it and just try as best he could 
to explain his actions. 

     So he was disappointed, but not surprised, when Dan growled, 
"Done us a favor?!  We're lucky we WEREN'T expelled!  As it is, 
we're going to have to repeat the entire semester's worth of work 
over again.  And with this on our records, we'll never advance in 
the Hierarchy.  I'll kill you!"

     Waj subtly adjusted his grip on the pitchfork to a combat 
position, but it turned out not to be necessary.  Ken and Ryu were 
managing to hold Dan back (if only barely).  Finally Ryu managed 
to whisper something in Dan's ear, and the other demon stopped 
struggling.

     Releasing his friend, Ryu turned and smiled at Waj.  It was a 
rather demonic smile, and not just because a demon was the one 
doing the smiling.  "Oh we understand Professor.  In fact, the boys 
and I want to help you spread your philosophy far and wide."

     Ken snickered,  "Yeah.  Far.  Wide  Banished.  Heh-heh."

     Waj resumed his combat grip on the pitchfork as the other three 
formed a triangle around him.  "I'm glad we're still friends then."

     Ryu raised a hand and began to glow with a faint blue light.  The 
glow quickly spread to the other two, and Waj began to feel a faint 
falling situation in the bottom of his stomach.  Just blackness 
overcame him, he heard Ryu say, "I know a dirtgrubber like you 
would never get the chance to answer a summons, so we're going 
to give you a little push to the mortal realms with a spell of irony.  
You tell be sure to tell them all about your 'philosophies' and don't 
hurry back."
_______

     Waj finished his story.  "So the rascally sods hooked me with a 
drama class curse designed to take advantage of the universe's 
natural love of irony.  I get a few student friends upset by exposing 
their cheating, and I get sent to the human world... to expose more 
cheating!  Gadge of a universe, isn't it?"  He tilted back Trei's mug, 
allowing the last of the sweet, sweet beer to trickle down his throat, 
and made a mental note to ask Trei what their alcohol budget was.

     Both of his companions were staring at him, jaws hanging open 
in a peculiar manner.  Finally the female, Tao, said, "University?  
Students?  You're telling me you're a farmer?"

     Waj was surprised at the question.  "Sure.  I thought the 
pitchfork was a dead giveaway.  Why else would I appear with a 
pitchfork in my hand?"  He patted the aforementioned farm 
implement, carefully leaned against the side of the table.

     "I thought it was.... You know, to torment the souls of the 
damned and stuff.  With a pitchfork."

     Waj was slightly flummoxed, not having a very accurate sense of 
how the denizens of Hell were viewed by the mortal world at large.  
He said, "We do have a Redemption department that dabbles in the 
soul-torturing, but I've never been involved in that myself.  Not as 
large as you might think, because most Powers prefer to take care 
of that thing for themselves.  Hell just kind of subcontracts torment 
to the deities too somnolent to handle it on their own.  The lazy 
sods."

     "This isn't getting us anywhere," interrupted Treisel.  "Can't you 
just zap your way back home or whatever demons do?"

     "Ah no, I'm afraid not Trei.  As I tried to explain to you earlier, 
by friends must have added some kind of extra twist on their little 
'banish me to another realm' prank.  I really ought to be able to 
absorb energy from this world and grow stronger as I continually 
drain the life-force around me.  They seem to have switched it 
around so I'm actually leaking energy instead of absorbing it, 
making me unable to use even my natural demonic powers.  On the 
plus side, it means I can touch things without them shriveling up 
and dying.  I think.  You aren't dying are you, Trei?"

     "I only wish," replied Treisel.  "Why are you so keen on having 
me help you get back home anyway?  You may have noticed that 
I'm not exactly the universe's biggest success story.  Hell, even Tao 
here would probably be more use to you."

     "But you're my Summoner!" protested Waj, feeling a bit 
rejected.  "By chanting the incantation that brought me to this 
world, you assumed responsibility and my fate.  It's your duty and 
responsibility to help me get home."  In defiance of reality and his 
own scant hours of experience with humans, he added, "I know no 
human would ever willingly shirk his responsibility."

     For some odd reason this seemed to upset Trei.  Rising from his 
chair, he yelled, "Forget it!  My life may be ruined, by I don't see 
why I ought to delay fixing it to shuttle some farmer demon around 
the world to find his way home.  It's your problem, not mine."  
Without another word he turned and stormed out of the room.

     Seeing that this had managed to attract attention from the 
patrons of the bar, Waj stood and waved for everyone to remain 
seated.  Not that anyone had shown much of an inclination to 
actually get up.  "It's all right folks, nothing to see here."

     At that moment, the hood of his robe slipped down to reveal his 
demonic visage to everyone.

     * * * * * * *

     Thinking deep thoughts (deep for him at least) Treisel wandered 
about the town blindly.  Almost literally blindly, as he was too 
preoccupied to bother looking out for people, wagons, or any stray 
buildings littering his path.  This would likely have resulted in him 
running face-first into something if he hadn't had the presence of 
mind to cast an Avoidance spell to cause himself to automatically 
change course if he was about to hit something.  If he had been a 
truly powerful mage, he could have cast a spell that caused other 
things to avoid him instead.  Including the buildings. Unfortunately, 
Trei didn't have that kind of power.

     One little mistake ruining his life!  Was it fair that he was being 
punished for the flagrant crime he had committed?  Was it fair he 
had to take responsibility for a demon that his own foolish haste 
had cause him to summon?  Was it fair that his laziness had worked 
against him instead of being rewarded, and he was denied an easy 
life with little work?

     Well yes, it probably was fair.  Fair, Treisel decided, sucked, 
blew, and all other forms of negative verbs he could think of.

     Waj would be better off without him, Trei rationalized, trying to 
ignore the fact that the demon knew nothing about the mortal realm 
and didn't seem to have had many survival traits even back in Hell.  
Tao could go back to the university where she could get some real 
help instead of banging about with an ex-graduate student, he 
further rationalized.  This time he ignored the fact that the 
University had already declared their inability to help Tao's twisted 
magical aura, and were no doubt glad to see the back of someone 
who disrupted all magic cast around her.

     Treisel was good at ignoring things he didn't want to think 
about.

     He leaned against the side of a convenient building and muttered 
aloud, "Who needs a graduate degree anyway?  I'm not that bad as 
a spellslinger.  Stupid University.  I bet I find a job, no problem."

  He was mightily surprised when a voice spoke two inches form his 
ear.  "I applaud your attitude young man."

     Treisel either managed the world's first unintentional teleport or 
simply had a bad case of nerves, because suddenly he was several 
feet away, looking at the man who had spoken in his ear.

     The man simply stood there, smiling an oily smile.  He was 
dressed in a cheap business suit and looked like someone had folded 
him up in a suitcase and not bothered to iron when they took him 
out again.  He looked that way, not the suit.  The suit was ironed.

     The wrinkled man said, "Allow me to introduce myself.  My 
name is Hunter, and I heard your comment about finding a job.  By 
your words, I surmise that you have recently left the university.  It 
can be hard, embarking upon the work experience after enjoying the 
pleasures of college life.  I work for a small consortium that 
specializes in hiring such fresh mea-, er, fresh faces as yourself.  
Perhaps you could come with me that we might discuss the 
matter?"

     Treisel felt an immense feeling of satisfaction.  This was how it 
was supposed to be!  Leave school and have hordes of eager 
employers descend, eager to welcome you into the job market.  So 
ignoring any sense of deep ominous foreboding his intuitive powers 
of magic might have gifted him with, he agreed to follow Hunter a 
little ways up the street.

     The organization that Hunter had spoken of was located in a 
snazzy black building fairly glowing with magic from all the latest in 
modern architectural spellcraft.  The company name, ExploiTech 
was traced on a medium sized sign beside the entrance.  Beneath it 
was written the company motto,  / 100% not evil, we swear. / 

     Once inside, the first thing Treisel noticed were the golems.  
There was a golem cleaning the floor, a golem sitting at a desk 
filling out papers, and a golem pumping bellows at a peculiar 
looking forge.  They were everywhere.  He said, "Wow.  I'm 
impressed, Mr. Hunter.  Back in Lab, old Fizzit used to tell us that 
golems were impractical because their every action had to be 
supervised.  How are you getting all these to work on their own?"

     "A trade secret, my young friend," Hunter replied.  "One you'll 
be let in on if you join the team."

     Treisel was congratulating himself on the excellent luck he was 
enjoying in getting an offer from such a cutting edge place when he 
saw something that made him stop in his tracks.  "A.. a SPELL-
CASTING GOLEM?  No way."

     "Ah yes," said Hunter, looking peculiarly disappointed.  "But 
right now we have only the one.  I'm going to need to acquire 
another to make my deadline on time.  But come along, let's go to 
my office."

     Over a small table, Treisel was given a brief interview in which 
Hunter had him describe classes he had taken and quickly 
demonstrated his ability to work magic.  Fortunately brief, as 
Treisel had been worried that his somewhat skimpy knowledge base 
on some aspects of magical theory would shine through.  Before he 
knew what was happening, Hunter was shoving a contract to him 
across the table.

     "As you can see, Trei, the terms of employment are most 
generous.  Just sign on the dotted line and ExploiTech will take 
care of you."

     Treisel honestly intended to sign, to salvage his future.  He 
really did.  But something held him back.  Maybe it was the thought 
of Tao, who believed in him so much.  Maybe it was the thought of 
Waj, rather a decent sort for a demon.

     Probably though, it was the fact that the "generous" contract 
would have obliged him to work as much as the company thought 
was reasonable for about five years.  Treisel didn't much care for 
work.

     "Sorry man, but I think I need to explore other options in my life 
right now.  I've got some other commitments right now and well, 
you know."  Treisel smiled his best disarming smile.

     Hunter wasn't smiling.  "That's most unfortunate Mr. Arrayarli.  
What I'm about to do violates company policy, but I'm afraid I 
require your services too urgently to resort to other recourse.  
Seize him!"

     Treisel heard the clay footsteps of a golem approaching from 
behind and got a very bad feeling.

     * * * * * * *

     "Come on," said Tao, tapping her feet as she waited for Waj to 
catch up.

     "But can't we stop and get something to drink?  I'm still a little 
thirsty."

     "No!"  Tao was beginning to grow a bit annoyed.  They had 
been wandering the streets for a quite a while, unsuccessfully 
searching for Trei.  She was torn between anger at him and worry 
for him.  On the one hand, it hadn't been any too pleasant being 
abandoned like that.  On the other, she knew how hard getting 
expelled had hit him.  Hopefully, this was just a temper tantrum he 
was having, and they'd soon be able to get on with the next step of 
their quest, whatever that turned out to be.

     Fortunately for her and Waj , the bar patrons had been more 
intimidated by the demon than inclined to form a lynch mob, but it 
had still seemed like a good idea to clear out and track down Trei.  
Waj, his concealing hood back into place, had followed her out, and 
they began combing the town.

     "But-" said the demon again, annoying her still further.

     "Look, we don't have time for you to keep stopping every five 
minutes.  We have to find Trei.  He can't have gotten too far."

     "Oh, were we looking for Trei?  I thought you just wanted to 
take a walk until he cooled off and came back."

     Tao counted to ten backwards.  "Yes, we're looking for Tao."

     "I could probably track him easily enough then.  As my 
Summoner, he and I share a spiritual connection."

     This time, Tao counted backwards from twenty.  "Why didn't 
you tell me sooner!"

     "Because I didn't know we were looking for him!" yelled Waj 
back, startling Tao.

     "Oh," she mumbled quietly, losing her annoyance to a sudden 
resurgence of shyness.  "Could you find him please then?"

     "Certainly."

     Waj stopped walking and his face (what Tao could see of it 
anyway) screwed up in concentration.  Finally he turned and started 
moving in a different direction, nearly getting himself run over by a 
cart as he failed to look both ways before crossing the street.  Tao 
followed at a discreet distance.  Soon enough they arrived at a 
sleek-looking black building that a sign proclaimed to be 
ExploiTech.

     Tao stood outside, not feeling quite confident enough to go in 
and uncertain what to do next.  Her doubts were resolved by a 
sudden scream coming from inside the building.

     "That sounds like Trei!  Come on."  With a spring in her step, 
Tao flung the door open and ran inside.  At least, that was what she 
intended to do.  The door unfortunately proved to be locked, and 
she ended up just standing there tugging on it futiley.

     "Please, allow me," said Waj.  Standing before the door, he took 
a deep breath and concentrated.  With a sudden release, he pivoted 
about and launched a sidekick that impacted the door squarely in 
the center.  The door was torn it off its hinges, flying into the 
interior of the building.

     Tao barely heard Waj say, "Just like knocking some sense into a 
sandworm," as she ran inside.  And straight into the hands of 
several golems who were shambling to the site of the break-in.  She 
screamed as great clay hands lifted her up off the ground, ignoring 
her struggles.

     Before she could really start to panic, the were some thuds and a 
cracking noise, and the golem holding her dropped away, leaving 
her to fall straight into Waj's arms.  In a moment, she saw the clay 
staining one end of his pitchfork and the golems knocked clear who 
were struggling back to their feet.  Then she was back on the 
ground running forward again, desperate to rescue Treisel.  She ran 
straight into the hands of more golems.

     Behind her, Waj sighed audibly.

     * * * * * * *

     Hunter grunted as he tightened the straps around young Treisel.  
It hadn't been a pleasant day for him.  Without another spellcasting 
golem he had fallen behind schedule.  Young Treisel had seemed 
like a gift from the gods at first, a chance to get things back on 
track.

     Unfortunately, Treisel had proved to be exactly like a gift from 
the gods.  That is, less useful than one had first hoped, more trouble 
than he was worth, and yet not something one could successfully 
get rid of without even worse happening.

     If only Arrayarli had signed the contract it would have been so 
much easier.  A quite snap of the finger along the magical conduit 
created and wham.  Now he had to do it the old fashioned way.  
Strap Treisel to one table, the golem to another and carefully cast 
the transfer spell.  At least he'd still get a self-directed spellcasting 
golem out of the deal.

     He started chanting, just as some sort of disruption started up 
near the front of the building.  It would have been dangerous to 
stop in midcast but he hurried, trying to get through the spell as fast 
as possible.  Even at tongue-twisting pace it still took several 
minutes, and he was just winding down when a brown-haired girl 
with glasses burst into the room.

     "Get away from him!" she shouted, running up and tugging on 
Hunter's arm.  He shook her, trying to push her off as he chanted 
the last few words of the spell.  There, he thought with a smug 
satisfaction.  Now he could have the new golem under is control 
take care of this nuisance.  Everything was-

     Not fine.  The magic was twisting, moving in ways it wasn't 
supposed to.  Hunter felt himself falling and-

     Blackness.

     * * * * * * *

     Tao sat on the building's steps, watching as two members of the 
Guard hauled away a clay statue that looked like a wrinkled man in 
a cheap business suit.

     Sitting beside her, Waj said, "It appears your magic twisting 
aura saved Trei."

     Tao nodded, but didn't feel very happy.  "It was horrible though.  
Is Trei almost finished talking to the Guard Commander?"

     "It looks that way.  Here he comes now."

     Sitting down on Tao's other side, Treisel said, "The Commander 
said he's going to send the golems up to the University.  Maybe 
they'll be able to get them back in their proper bodies again."

     Tao sniffed and turned her back on Treisel, intent on giving him 
the cold shoulder.  While she was glad Treisel was alive, she hadn't 
been pleased at his near-abandonment.

     "I'm sorry, Tao!"

     "You should be," she said, not yet mollified.

     "I backed off at the last second, you know.  I was going to come 
back and help Waj find his way back to Hell and you get a cure for 
your magic problem."

     Tao finally turned back to face him.  "Sure, at the last second.  
Nice to know things came so close."

     Treisel's face screwed up, and Tao could see he was having a 
hard time getting the words out.  "Look.  I'm just... worried about 
what I'm going to do.  With my life, you know?  The truth is, I'm 
not very strong when it comes to magic.  I know the all the basic 
spells pretty well and I've got most of the technical stuff down, but 
casting very many spells tires me out something awful.  If I could 
have gotten my graduate degree it wouldn't have mattered, but with 
the kind of job I can get now, having been expelled and all-"

     "It would be low-level repetitive stuff, where they expect you to 
keep casting a few basic spells all day long," Tao finished for him.  
"And you'd never be able to keep up the pace.  Sorry Trei, but at 
least you're still better off than me."

     "Oh... well."  He looked still uncomfortable, so she touched his 
arm to let him know that he was provisionally forgiven.

     In what she thought was a wistful tone, he added, "If only I 
could go back and get a second chance at my graduate degree."

     "Maybe you could," said Waj, startling Tao.

     "What do you mean," replied Treisel, speaking across Tao to the 
demon.

     "If we ever make it to Hell, I have some influence at Neifllem 
University.  You know, where I was teaching farming like I told 
you?"

     "You want me to go to a university in hell?!" said Treisel, 
sounding rather more intrigued by the idea than Tao liked.

     "Well you seem to have learned your lesson, and I bet they'd 
jump at the chance to have a human student.  Something to think 
about anyway."

     * * * * * * *

     Neifllem University, thought Treisel.  It was certainly an 
interesting idea.  He'd never be able to get into any other magic 
academy of repute on Zinnonth, not with the expulsion hanging 
over his head.  But perhaps a hellish university wouldn't hold it 
against him.

     And a man with a degree from a great university of Hell might 
be able to write his own ticket, assuming he could get anyone to 
believe it was legit.  Definitely something to think about.

     But first he had to find a way to Hell in the first place (besides 
the obvious).  And while had been strapped to the table seeing his 
life flash before his eyes, he had the glimmerings of an idea.

     "Look, nobody at the University really knows much about 
demons or where an entrance to Hell might be.  Right?  And the 
reason for that is that students and faculty are both strictly 
forbidden from summoning demons.  So what we need to do is find 
someone who DOES summon up a lot of demons, and ask him 
about it.  Somebody like that would be a lot more likely to know 
the best way to get back to Hell," said Treisel, leaning forward to 
look at both Tao and Waj as he explained his idea.

     Waj nodded his head slightly.  "Come to think of it, I do 
remember this one Summoner I kept hearing about.  Kept more 
demons in the mortal world than any other twenty Summoners 
combined.  I even heard he visited Hell himself, though that might 
be just a rumor.  His name was Elmunster."

     Tao sprang to her feet, prompting Treisel to follow.  She said, 
"Elmunster?  I've heard of him.  He's the famous Wizard of the 
Coast.  He lives in Hasbro, by the ocean."  Her face fell.  "But that's 
across the continent!  How are we going to get there when we 
barely have enough money to pay for our rooms tonight?"

     "Excuse me," said a voice.  "Did I just hear someone saying they 
needed to get to Hasbro but were short on funds?"

     Treisel turned to see a short white-haired man addressing them.  
As the leader of the group, he stepped forward to suavely 
negotiate.  "Yeah, what's it to you old man?"  In fairness, Trei had 
been under a lot of stress that day and wasn't at his most suave.

     The man moved in closer.  "My name is Opie, and I run the 
Wagon Express.  We're a new delivery service, specializing in mail 
and package service to out-of-the-way places where the main 
carriers can't or won't go.  Our motto is that just because a place is 
hidden from the outside world, just because a place is surrounded 
by dangers beyond imagining, just because the inhabitants are 
homicidally suspicious of outsiders.... doesn't mean they shouldn't 
get their mail."

     "So?" said Treisel, who still wasn't feeling 100%.

     "So my last group of drivers bugged out in me when they hit this 
town for a supply run.  Said they were getting out while they was 
someplace civilized.  Kind of left me in the lurch, and I need 
someone to do the rest of the route.  You bunch, in other words."

     Opie continued, "Word's all over town about how you took 
down this crazy golem character.  I figure you might be tough 
enough to make it- and I can't seem to hire no one else.  Those 
punk graduates from your 'Adventurers School' all say they won't 
lower themselves to be mailmen."

     Treisel scrathced his head.  "I say again, so?"  What makes you 
think we want this insane mail route of yours?

     "Didn't I say?  The route twists around a lot, but it ends up in 
Hasbro.  You do it, and I'll supply you with transportation, food, 
and 100 marks a week each.  That way you'll get to Hasbro with 
some funds in your pocket."

     The results of the last time Treisel had accepted an offer of 
employment off the street were still fresh in his mind, so he 
carefully shook his head and said, "I'm sorry but-"

     "We'll take the job!"  Trei was shoved out of the way by Waj, 
who reached out to eagerly shake Opie's hand.

     Treisel protested, "Now wait a minute, we can't-"

     "Come now, Trei, where are we going to get a better offer?  
Perhaps we'll even find something that can help me or Tao while 
along the way."

     "But."

     Tao gave him a quick hug.  "Everything's going to be all right 
now!  We finally have a next move."

     "But."

     Opie gestured.  "Come on and I'll show your transportation.  
Right this way."

     Treisel put his face in his hand and said, "But this might be a 
very bad idea."

      But no one was listening.

     * * * * * * *

But wait, there's more!!!

     * * * * * * *

     Feyluck Hatstring, Chancellor of the Great Zinnonthian 
University, was occupying himself with what he might have called 
"a deep meditation technique allowing the accumulated flotsam of 
the unconscious mind to play out unfettered in the mental 
landscape."

     Someone else might have called it taking a nap.

     A gentle knocking at the door awakened him.  Quickly rubbing 
his eyes, he said, "Yes?"

     Neville, the student interning from the department of secretaries, 
stepped quickly through the door, carefully shutting it behind him.  
He said, "There's someone here to see you sir."

     Hatstring waited, but no more information was forthcoming.  
Finally he snappishly asked, "Well who is it?"

     "Death, sir."

     "Death?  Death is here to see me?"

     "Yes sir."

     "You're sure it's not my good friend Beth, from the Journalism 
department?"

     "I don't beleive so, sir.  What does Beth look like?"

     "Well is a small red-haired woman or a large skeleton in a black 
robe carrying a scythe?"

     "A large skeleton in a black robe, sir."

     Hatstring paled.  "See if you can stall him for a few minutes!"

     Ignoring Neville's automatic "Yes sir" as he exited the room, 
Hatstring began pulling papers out of his desk and scribbling on 
them furiously.

     Will, will, will,  Why did I never finish this thrice-be damned 
will?  Must let old Fizzit know what I really think of him.  Make 
sure they put the RIGHT name on my headstone.  Make sure 
there's a headstone, I don't hold with all that cremation garbage.

     "THERE'S REALLY NO NEED FOR THAT."

     Hatstring looked up frantically as a skeleton in a black robe 
stepped _through_ the door.  He could hear Neville's muffled 
protests of, "Sir, the Chancellor is a very busy man."

     "No!  I still have so much to do, to see!  I'm too young.  Oh by 
all the gods, I've wasted my life!!!  No more naps, I swear."

     Death shifted, as if uncomfortable with Hatstring's reaction.  
"AS I SAID, THERE'S REALLY NO NEED FOR THAT.  I AM 
NOT HERE TO TAKE YOU, PBVHEYWLLIUHCQKWE 
HATTDHESSZTRYINGGNKGYWE."

     "No?  Then why?  If you're here to sign up for a class, I'm afraid 
it's a little late in the semester to-"

     "I AM HERE TO INQUIRE ABOUT A STUDENT."

     "Please," said Hatstring.  "Not one of my students."  He began 
mentally trying to compose a letter of condolence.

     "SHE IS NOT DUE TO DIE SOON..... I THINK.  IT'S 
SIMPLY THAT SHE IS NO LONGER HERE, SO FAR AS I 
CAN DETERMINE.  HER NAME IS TAO FEYMU."

     "Tao Feymu?  Ah yes, I recall the case.  One of our magic 
students.  She proved to have an aura that twisted spells in her 
vicinity, so we allowed her to take a leave of absence to go look for 
a cure.  Glad to see the back of her, if you want to know the truth.  
can't have someone walking around, making all the Labs explode."

     "YOU'RE TELLING ME SHE'S JUST WANDERING 
AROUND OUT THERE?  UNSUPERVISED?"  It was hard to 
tell, but Hatstring thought that Death had actually begun shouting.

     He swallowed with an extremely fry throat before replying.  
"Well she _is_ an adult."

     "BUT HER TUITION FOR THE SEMESTER WAS PAID IN 
FULL.  I'M QUITE CERTIAN OF IT."

     "Bit late in the semester for a refund, I'm afraid," said Hatstring, 
who had once supervised the Bursar's office.  "Bottom line, the 
University has no knowledge of her whereabouts."

     "OH DEAR," said Death.  "THIS IS TRULY 
UNFORTUNATE.  _THEY_ WILL NOT BE HAPPY ABOUT 
THIS.  NOT AT ALL."  Without another word he exited through a 
convenient wall.

     Hatstring made a mental note to call on Dr. Zerev, head of the 
Faculty of Magic, as soon as possible.

     The Feymu case perhaps merited a little further investigation.


**************************************************

Author's Notes:

As the first chapter played with the pressures of graduate school, I 
used this one to play with the difficulties finding a good job after 
finally getting out of college.

Tried to establish some characterization for Waj without making 
him one-dimensional.  Tried to keep to my new vow of including a 
complete story in every impro part I do.

I thought the issue of why exactly Trei was going to be helping Waj 
get back to hell was one that needed addressing.  He doesn't exactly 
seem the type to willingly accept his responsibilities.

I'm distressed that I didn't get to develop Tao very much in this 
part.

I hope I established some plot hooks for future authors while 
keeping everything moving forward in a unified direction.

Death appeared because he appeared in the two previous stories 
written by Steven Scougall about this world, and it's bad luck to 
break a streak.

Good luck to Epsilon, who I'm sure will far outshine my own feeble 
efforts.