######################################################
 SENSHI MUYOU! 

 Episode 24 - Call Us Armchair Detectives!
 This part by Steven Scougall
 
 Original concept by Mervyn the Wonder Slug, (c) 1999

 Hosted by Indie Madnesse
 (http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net)
######################################################


Fushin looked again at the business card.  All white, a telephone number, 
and just two words - Yamashita's name and his occupation.  You couldn't get 
much simpler than that, he thought.  In an almost desperate way he 
continued looking at the card for any interesting things it might turn up, 
not really wanting to think about what the card meant.

Yuriko, however, didn't mind what the card meant at all.  After recovering 
from her stunned surprise she squealed in excitement.  Loudly.  

"Fushin-kun!  Hey, Fushin, this is *amazing* - we can be on a TV show!"

Fushin sighed.  He hadn't wanted to think about it, but Yuriko had forced 
it.  Considering this was Fushin, a man who needed a cold shower and a bit 
of a lie down after the excitement of stamp collecting, his response was 
obvious.

"So we can," he said.  "I do not think it is a wise idea.  Our skills lie 
elsewhere, with Amalgamated Amalgamation, Inc."

Yuriko flushed with embarrassment, thinking back to her cubicle and the 
deadlines she was getting dangerously close to not meeting.  She really had 
to stop daydreaming all the time.

Fushin had completely missed the reddening colour on her face and continued 
on.  "-thus I believe we should ignore this Yamashita man's offer."

"Fushin-kun!  But it would be so exciting!"

"I find that the opportunities provided by Amalgamated Amalgamation Inc. 
are adequate enough," said Fushin.

Yuriko rolled her eyes.  As dreamy as he was, Fushin had a few faults.

"And besides," Fushin continued, "do you remember how you were doing all 
that, back at the mall?"

That brought Yuriko up short.  "Uh... no, not really," she said, 
sweatdropping.  "I don't even remember *what* I was doing."

Fushin nodded.  "See?  Yet you surely remember the skills needed for the 
awesome responsibilities required of you in the Pulp Product Fixative 
Device Quality Assurance Division in Amalgamated Amalgamation, Inc."  He 
looked at his watch.  "I think I should be going."

"Er... okay."

Fushin nodded.

Here the narrative shall pause for a moment and consider the matter of 
business cards in Japan.  In the hallowed halls of business and commerce in 
that nation, there is a whole culture that has sprung up around business 
cards.  They are exchanged when you first meet someone, and it is 
unthinkable to throw a card away later.  They are always taken and stored.  
It should come as no surprise that Fushin had neatly organised all the 
business cards he had received in his career, with multiple indexes by 
company, name, and date of receipt.

So it should come as no further surprise that, as Fushin stood up, he 
instinctively slid the business card into his pocket.

Unseen by either, the vase flashed a dull green light.  And Yuriko felt an 
unfamiliar surge of anger.  He was taking her chance at TV stardom away!  
It was over in a moment, but its effects lingered...

"Fushin-kun," she said, "don't worry about his card.  If we're not going to 
take up his offer, we won't need it, will we?  I'll just get rid of it 
now."

Fushin's face first registered shock that a business card was about to get 
trashed, and then acceptance of the fact he really didn't want to associate 
with Yamashita any further, and finally realisation that he didn't really 
need the card.  He handed it to her.

"Certainly.  I'll see you in a few days at the office."

"I'm looking forward to it," said Yuriko with a smile.

After Fushin left, Yuriko notably didn't throw the card away.  She instead 
slid it into her business card folder.  She rested a finger slightly 
against it, then shook her head, confused, and put the folder away.

If one had put an ear against the side of the vase, faint laughter could be 
heard.

---

They were back in the house that, for want of anything better, had turned 
into the group's headquarters.  Kagi was watching TV.  Meryl was also 
watching TV, but from a vantage point near the ceiling that she had floated 
to.  She occasionally spun end over end in mid-air.  Sachiko was also 
watching TV, while tossing a knife from hand to hand.  The knife 
occasionally turned somersaults or did stunts over the light fixture, and 
at no time did Sachiko seem to be looking at the knife.

Understandably, Kagi was just ever so slightly nervous.

Carlisle and Whittington were not watching TV.  They were instead looking 
at the sword Yuriko had used, and discussing Yuriko's behaviour.

"I'm *sure* that wasn't her normal behaviour," said Carlisle.

"Obviously," said Whittington, twitching an ear in Carlisle's direction.  
"Most people don't go around in armour waving swords, after all.  And those 
that do we usually hear about long before they start becoming a true 
nuisance."  He started washing himself in true cat fashion.  "And besides, 
most normal women wouldn't be able to carry the weight of all that armour 
*or* a sword of this size.  Being able to carry both *and* be able to use 
the sword as well indicates something weird and highly magical going on."

"..." said Carlisle.

"Stunned speechless?  Not like you, kitty."

"Normally," said Carlisle, "you don't talk so lucidly and sensibly like 
that."

"Look, she was almost as disturbing as Sailor Glaive-Guisarme," said 
Whittington.  "I think that's cause enough to be worried."

Both cats shuddered.  In the whole Blade Beauties fiasco, Sailor Glaive-
Guisarme had been the most unhinged.

"So what do you think caused it?" asked Carlisle.

"No idea," said Whittington.  "Just because I could smell magic all over 
her doesn't mean I know what caused it."

"You said it seemed like mind-control magic."

"Which tells me zip, Carly.  When the girl woke up and couldn't remember 
anything of what had happened, that was enough to know it was mind-control 
magic."

"Don't call me Carly," said Carlisle, mostly out of reflex.  She stared at 
the sword again.  She ignored Whittington's riposte and tried hard to think 
about things.

Mind-control.  It didn't matter how obvious Whittington said it was, that 
wasn't something to sneeze at.  It was *hard* to completely subjugate the 
will of another person.  It required a lot of magic.  Also, to make a 
normal woman strong enough to wear all that armour *and* be able to wield a 
katana required a not insignificant amount of magic as well.

Finally, the woman must have been fighting with considerable skill, 
considering how *long* she and Fushin must have been fighting.  Yet most 
people with full time jobs didn't have the sort of time needed to get that 
skilled.  And making someone that skilled with a weapon also required a 
significant amount of magic.

Add it all up, and... what did she have?  Someone or something must have 
been using a very large amount of magic, on just this one woman.  But who?  
And why?  She had no idea.  

All she had was a suspicious hunch.  When she'd arrived, there'd been what 
sounded like very faint cursing coming from an apartment over the street.  
The girl's apartment, maybe?  It was certainly her apartment building.  But 
the cursing had been so faint it didn't make sense to be coming from that 
close.  It sounded like it was several blocks away at least.

A weird voice coming from what could have been the girl's apartment, 
cursing at the same time she'd been defeated and back to her normal self.  
That immediately suggested the voice belonged to someone - or something - 
controlling the girl.  Of course, this was dependent on the source of the 
voice being the girl's apartment.  Anybody in that apartment block could 
have been cursing for any reason at all.

But who, in this day and age, would have been cursing in such ancient 
language and idioms?

There were few concrete clues.  One was this sword in front of her.  Did it 
tell her anything?  She probed it with her Mystic Advisor senses and 
couldn't pick up anything.  But then, Whittington had always been a bit 
better at that sort of thing...

"Hey, Whittington?"

Whittington had curled up in a napping position and looked like a ball of 
grey fluff.  She wasn't taken in for a moment - from what he'd said, he was 
obviously as worried as she.  He just had a way of looking lazy no matter 
what he did.

Whittington twitched an ear and opened an eye, looking in her direction.  
"Yeah, kitty?" he asked.

"This sword.  I can't sense anything strange about it.  How about you?"

"Way ahead of you.  I've been probing it for the past ten minutes and 
haven't turned up a thing.  It just seems like a regular katana.  *Maybe* 
there's some magic on it keeping it sharp and keeping it from breaking.  I 
can't tell.  But there's definitely no hints of magic to make it lighter."

"You... you can't tell?" Carlisle asked incredulously.  "You're supposed to 
be the better one at this."

"You didn't even catch the traces.  It's like the magic on that girl - 
faint, as if it's weeks since it was cast, even if it had to have been just 
today."  He paused.  "Now there's a thought.  Maybe the magic was cast on 
her weeks ago."

Carlisle moaned.  "So we have a voice that came from a building just in 
front of us yet sounded like it came from the other end of the street, 
possibly casting high order magic on her weeks ago and yet the magic was so 
strong that it lasted until now, meaning it must have been even more higher 
order, only we didn't sense the magic when it was cast back then!"  She 
stood up and swished her tail angrily.  "None of this makes any sense!"

"Voice?" asked Whittington.

"I heard it when we just arrived at the mall.  It sounded like it was 
cursing.  It came from that girl's apartment building - but that doesn't 
mean it came from *her* apartment, and *anybody* could be cursing for any 
reason at all."

"Ah," said Whittington.

"And it was so hard to hear, yet I'm *sure* I heard some really ancient 
curses that almost nobody today would use."

"A ghost?"

"And what can a ghost do?"

The two cats nodded.  Ghosts were not known for their magical capabilities, 
not being alive and thus not being able to hold onto much magical ability.  
The most magically able ghost known in history had been able to cast a 
lighting spell.  With a struggle, it could cast an illusion.

"So nothing makes any sense," summarised Sachiko.

Whittington looked up.  "Sachi?  When did you start listening in?"

"When Carlisle started yelling.  What's this about ghosts?  Why can't they 
cast magic?"

Carlisle opened her mouth -

"Simple," said Meryl, floating down to the conversation.  "They're not 
alive, so they can't generate a magical... well, call it a magical field.  
Whereas all alive humans do, some more than others."

Carlisle closed her mouth, amazed.  But then, Meryl did have some psychic 
powers, so she must know something of magic.

"So it's simple," said Sachiko.  "If it's not a ghost and it was casting 
the magic, then the voice came from someone who's been alive for a very 
long time."  She sighed.  "Which doesn't explain much, I guess.  We really 
need Fushin to get back so we can confirm a few things."

---

Rei glared at the chessboard.  The position of the ivory pieces was not to 
her liking.  They were getting too close to checkmating the few emerald 
pieces in play.

"This is *not* acceptable," she hissed.

A voice from the clock spoke, answering her.
=| But the pieces cannot checkmate yet. |=

Then the far wall spoke.
=| Indeed, the knight needs to be brought back into their play. |=

Then her chair spoke.
=| And, most tellingly, Macavity must commit his pawn to Ivory. |=

She smiled.  "True, very true.  And what are the chances of that?"

---

This was... somewhere.  Not entirely in the real world, but not entirely in 
any world either.  It was a place between times, between worlds, and long 
past its last rent payment.

It looked like a rather drab orange fog.

The only prominent feature of this place was its only resident:  Macavity, 
the most disreputable looking cat in the world.  Macavity was currently 
napping on the floor, inasmuch as this place had a floor, walls, or, for 
that matter, any visible surfaces at all.  He was currently in the process 
of sneezing.

"Huh," he said.  "I know I can't catch a cold, so someone must be talking 
about me.  Wonder who?"  He pricked up his ears, listening as only he 
could.

"Mr. Kitty!" was what he heard.

"Can't possibly be her," he mumbled.  "She's not saying my name and can't 
possibly be properly thinking.  But still, business is business."  He 
grinned.  "And the game is the game."  He faded away, the grin being the 
last thing to disappear.

---

"Mr. Kitty!" wailed Nadako.  "Where are you?  I have to talk!"

"Right here," said a voice.

"Huh?"  Nadako looked upwards and saw Mr. Kitty sitting on a branch just 
above the nearby wall - but she hadn't seen him there before, had she?  Her 
mind mulled this over for all of two seconds then dismissed this as 
irrelevant in the larger scheme of things.

"Mr. Kitty!" she wailed, setting a truly remarkable wall-and-tree climbing 
record.  "I was fighting the evil queen and then there was this other weird 
lady fighting Fushin-"  She paused a moment to dreamily sigh.  "-and then 
the weird lady grabbed the evil queen and threatened to kill her and I 
knocked her out with a roof tile and saved the evil queen and I think I 
messed up!"  She paused to take a deep breath.  "But the weird lady was 
fighting Fushin so I had to stop her and yet to stop her I had to save the 
evil queen!  Help me!  It's all so confusing!"

Understanding her would have been difficult for a normal person, but then 
again, this wasn't a normal person she was talking to.  Still, Nadako's 
hyperactive speech had been so rapid it took Macavity a good few seconds to 
parse what she had said.

"Mr. Kitty?" asked Nadako, her eyes as wide as dinner plates and wobbling 
with the threat of tears and a really ear-piercing bawl.

"Just thinking," Macavity quickly said.  "I don't think you messed up, kid.  
You had to save Fushin.  I'm going to have to find out who this 'weird 
lady' was, though.  Can you tell me anything about her?"

"Sure!" said Nadako, sitting to attention.  "She was wearing lots of armour 
and using a sword and fighting Fushin really well!"

Macavity thought about this for a second.  "A full suit of armour?"

"Yes!" said Nadako, every cell of her vibrating at attention.

"Interesting.  This was at the mall?"

"Yes!" said Nadako.

"I'll have to go investigate.  You go back home now, alright?"

"Yes, Mr. Kitty!" said Nadako, and dropped back down to the street.

Macavity waited until she was out of sight before slinking into the shadows 
and disappearing.  He reappeared much further away, behind a dumpster at 
the mall that had so recently seen so much violence.

He sniffed the air.  Apart from the obvious stench, there was magic in the 
air, all right.  It smelled almost familiar, in fact.  Almost like Rei.

It was faint, though.  Could he be sure that it was Rei's touch?

"It would be like her to make a move like this now," he mused aloud.

"That cat... that cat... it talked!" shouted a voice.

Macavity looked up to see a janitor pointing at him, and grumbled to 
himself.  He'd been so lost in thought he hadn't even noticed the human 
arriving.  He jumped up to the top of the dumpster and peered into the 
man's face.

"Don't be silly," he said.  "Cats can't talk."  He then hopped down and 
wandered over to the battle site to do some more investigations.  Behind 
him, the janitor turned as white as a sheet while simultaneously looking as 
confused as a stunned goldfish.

---

Fushin got back into his car and wondered where he should go.  To the cats' 
house?  Indeed there had been rather confusing and odd circumstances that 
needed to be puzzled out.  As magic was obviously involved, puzzling it out 
was above Fushin's head.  On the other hand, much had been happening today 
and going back to his place for a calming rest sounded like a good idea.

But he was nothing if not practical.  The mystery really did need to be 
solved.  After all, if Yuriko had another odd turn like that at Amalgamated 
Amalgamation, Inc., why, the consequences would be disastrous.  She might 
even accidentally destroy the entire Pulp Product Fixative Device Quality 
Assurance Division, or perhaps the whole company.  That would not do.

With his mind thus made up, he turned the car in the direction of the cats' 
house and started driving.

He then almost immediately turned left, but that was okay for the road had 
ended in a T-junction.  He'd be back to going in the right direction in 
just a couple more minutes.

A black limo chose this moment to careen wildly in front of him and almost 
smash into a lightpost.  It swerved and narrowly avoided three cars, ran a 
red light, and finally completed its turn into the road ahead of him.  As a 
conscientous citizen, Fushin tried to note down the number on its 
registration plate, but the car was swerving too crazily to make out the 
numbers.  He sighed in consternation.

---

Inside the limo, Uzume was giggling wildly and having the time of her life.

The generals, on the other hand, were all but screaming and in what they 
were sure were the last few moments of their lives.  They didn't scream, 
though.  That would have been disrespectful towards their queen.

Uzume ran another red light, swerved through traffic, and ended up in the 
wrong lane.  A huge truck, about thirty metres in front of them, honked its 
horn wildly.  Its tyres screeched as the driver locked the brakes, but 
there was no way it would stop in time, and besides Uzume wasn't slowing 
down in the least.  At the last possible second, though, she whirled the 
wheel and passed the truck on the sidewalk, giving it her Rude Gesture of 
Happiness and Terror as she did so.  Pedestrians scattered and waved their 
fists wildly at the car as went by, then Uzume slid back through traffic 
into her own lane.

"This is FUN!" she squealed.

The combination of Marais' disgusting personal habits and the driving had 
just made his jeans a little browner.

"Marais, that is *disgusting*," said Schein, wrinkling his nose.  "Have you 
no sense of decency?"

"And besides," said Varese, "the smell is going to just *ruin* my hair."  
He picked at his brown corduroy suit.  "I suppose it'll ruin these clothes, 
too," he said hopefully.

"Having some fun back there?" Uzume asked brightly.

"Er," said Schein.  "It appears that Marais needs to go to the bathroom, my 
liege."

"He *had* to go the bathroom," said Varese.  "Now he needs to go the 
laundry."

Marais shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  "Sorry, guys," he mumbled.

"Don't worry," said Uzume.  "We're almost at the next mall!  Marais can 
wait until then!"

"But can *we*?" mumbled Varese, and sniffed disdainfully.  Then he spent 
the next few minutes agonising over why on earth he'd chosen to *sniff* 
while so close to Marais.

Schein, for his part, was watching in interested horror as Uzume wove her 
merry way through the famously congested Tokyo traffic.  Cars were 
everywhere, going at a maximum of thirty kilometres an hour, and yet 
somehow Uzume wove through them all at a speed well above sixty.  She ran 
red lights, drove on the sidewalk every now and then, and had even turned 
the car on its side and drove on two wheels for a short distance to get 
past a truck.  He didn't want to repeat that again, especially as he'd been 
squished against Marais.

Up ahead he saw a knot of cars, absolutely *packed* end-to-end.  Uzume 
would never be able to get past it, yet she continued driving far too fast, 
humming merrily to herself.

This is it, he thought, and gripped the seat until his knuckles whitened.  
He was going to die, and not in an accepted Dark General fashion, either -

Then he saw the ramp.  And how Uzume was heading towards it.

Schein squeaked in dismay and put his arms over his head, hoping he'd live 
through this.

---

The door opened and Fushin stepped through.  The scene he stepped into gave 
him slight pause.  Sachiko was holding Yuriko's sword with a gleam in her 
eye, Meryl was listlessly hanging from what looked like the chandelier, and 
the cats were nowhere to be seen.  There was, however, some grey fluff on 
the floor.

In this scene of seeming disaster, Kagi was inexplicably watching TV.  He 
turned at the sounds of the door closing.  "Oh, hi Fushin," he said, and 
waved.  "They're showing the new show Super Chojin Advance Force Fiveman 
Zed!  Do you want to watch?"

"Of *course* he doesn't," said Sachiko disdainfully.  "Fushin is much too 
sensible to watch that trash!"

While she was not being all that friendly towards Kagi, Fushin could 
understand her ire.  Additionally, she wasn't making any dangerous moves 
towards either Kagi or himself.  Maybe she wasn't going on a rampage after 
all.

Meryl floated down from where she'd been hanging in mid air, with no 
notable attachment between the chandelier and her neck.  "I don't know how 
anybody over six could watch this stuff, really."

Kagi's world broke into millions of little pieces.  Again.

Carlisle poked her head out from underneath the sofa.  "Are you finished 
swinging and throwing that sword around yet, Sachiko?" she asked.

"Guess she is," said Whittington, strolling out from behind the curtain.  
"Is there anything about it, Sachi?"

"Nothing odd with its balance at all," said Sachiko.  "I tell you, this is 
a perfectly normal sword.  The handle looks a bit worn, though.  Along with 
the way these things are really expensive, I'm guessing she got it second-
hand."

"What's happening here?" asked Fushin.

"We're trying to determine if there is *anything* interesting about this 
sword at all," said Carlisle.  "But it seems to be almost completely non-
magical."

"Almost?" asked Fushin.

"There might be a small sharpening spell on the blade," said Whittington.  
"If there is, it's very faint and so can't be very strong.  Not very potent 
in the overall scheme of magic swords."

"There would have to be such a spell," said Fushin.  "Swords haven't been 
sold sharp in Japan for many years."  He looked at the TV screen; there was 
a red suited hero pointing dramatically at a giant stamp monster that was 
obviously someone wearing a rubber suit.  Fushin looked away, uninterested.  
"Have you determined what caused Yuriko to attack the way she did?"

"All we have are guesses and suspicions so far," said Carlisle.  "We need 
to confirm something.  Which apartment is hers in that apartment building?"

Fushin thought for a moment.  "The one on the third floor on the north side 
of the building with the faulty air-conditioner," he replied.

Carlisle thought back to when she'd heard the voice.  "Yes... yes, that 
seems to be it.  That *is* the one that voice came from."

"Voice?"

"I heard one cursing when we first got to the mall," said Carlisle.  She 
tapped one paw on the floor for a few moments, nodding to no one in 
particular.  Finally she turned to face Fushin again.  "Hm.  Alright, 
Fushin, this may seem like a dumb question but I'd like you to answer it 
anyway.  Has that woman been acting odder recently?"

"Not from what I've seen.  Apart from today of course."

"I see."

"So what does it all mean, then?" asked Fushin.

Carlisle didn't immediately answer.  She just lay there on the floor, 
tapping it with a paw while staring into space.

"Here's what I think," she finally said.  "Someone or something is *inside* 
her apartment.  It can't be a ghost, so it must be someone alive hiding in 
something else.  That someone must be rather old.  That someone must have 
also taken mind-control of her today, or something very much like mind-
control.  To cast all the magic it must have been using, it's 
powerful...very powerful."  She paused.  "I'm not sure of anything else, 
including *why* it's done all this.  Fushin?"

"Yes?"

"Did you notice *anything* strange when you were at her place today?  Or 
anything that she might have bought recently?"

Fushin thought for a while.  "No... nothing," he finally said.

"Damn-"

"Wait," said Fushin, his eyes wide.  "There was the matter of that business 
card!"

"Business card?" everyone asked.

"There was a man called Yamashita waiting for us, and he tried to convince 
myself and Yuriko to go into television, for he had seen our battle and 
thought it to be a stunt.  He left his card so that we could contact him 
later.  I, however, did not see any need or have any particular desire to 
take up his offer, as my life is perfectly fine as it is."

Everyone else rolled their eyes.  Oblivious, Fushin carried on.

"As I was leaving, I automatically picked up the card and was going to take 
it with me.  However, Yuriko requested the business card.  She said that I 
should not bother myself with it as she could get rid of it right then.

"Get rid of a business card?  How strange, I thought.  But I realised that 
I really did not want to bother with Yamashita's scheme, so allowed her to 
do it."

"That's *it*?" asked Whittington.

"Indeed.  It was very strange," Fushin insisted.

"Right," said Whittington.  "'scuse us cats, we gotta discuss something."

---

The two cats huddled together, so only they could hear each other.

"Carly," Whittington said in a low voice, "asking him if he noticed 
anything is a waste of time.  You heard what he just said.  He thinks it's 
odd, I think anybody else working in paperclip quality assurance would want 
to get into TV."

"But there *must* be something influencing her," said Carlisle.  "But do we 
have the time to check out her place?  We still have Uzume running around."

"Uzume... is Uzume," said Whittington.  "While she's nuts and wants to 
force everyone into an Orwellian land of strictly enforced contentment, I 
don't see her managing to do it anytime soon."

As they were both huddling on the floor behind the sofa, they completely 
missed the ad for Uzume's youmabibble merchandising and the big red "Smash 
hit bestseller!" in the corner of the screen.  Sadly, nobody else was 
watching the TV at the time either, as they were too interested in what the 
cats would come up with.

"So what are you saying?  Give up on the Uzume account for a day or two and 
check up on this Yuriko?"

"I can feel it in my whiskers, Carly.  There's something important going on 
around that girl."

"But what if Uzume does something?" cried Carlisle.  "We'd be caught away 
from the job, Uzume would gain the upper hand, and we'd have to explain 
things to Myra Lou!"

"Oh all right," grumped Whittington.  "If you're so concerned about Uzume, 
then you stay here and on her case.  I, on the other hand, am going to go 
find out if something's happening with Yuriko."  He stood up and swished 
his tail.  "She seems to like me, anyway.  Some pathetic meowing and she 
should be taking me into her apartment in no time flat."

"What have you two decided?" asked Kagi.

"I'm staying here," said Carlisle.  "Someone needs to keep an eye on Uzume.  
Whittington is going to go investigate Yuriko."

At the window, Macavity grinned.  And faded away.

---

"Ivory's pieces, they are getting too close!" said Rei.

The tiles beneath her feet spoke.
=| Much too close! |=

The armrest spoke.
=| But look!  If this continues the same way, their bishop |=
=| will get close to Emerald, but break away too early.    |=
=| It could be easily captured.                            |=

"True... very true," murmured Rei.  She tapped the armrest thoughtfully.  
How to take advantage?  How to capture Ivory's bishop and put it out of 
commission?

---

"Happy!  We are so happy!
 You should be happy too!
 For we are victorious,
 And stand in happiness true!
 Come and be happy with us,
 Come and be on our Happy Bus!
 Now we must sadly go,
 But have no fear, no!
 We shall be back!  Hooray!
 Happy happy happy happy-yi-yay!"

Their song finished, the elves waved and got onto the Happy Bus.  It drove 
off stage, the elves still waving as it departed.

And the audience, or more precisely that part of it that was less than 
seven years old, burst into spontaneous applause and cheering.  Then that 
part of the audience started badgering the other part of the audience to 
*please* buy them the Happy Bus *right now*, pleeeeeeeeease?  The second 
part of the audience, fed up and willing to do anything to make the first 
part of the audience quiet, departed for the nearest toy store to buy the 
Happy Bus.

Uzume exulted.  *Finally* she'd been able to run a public appearance 
without those pesky kids and that hunk, handsome as he was, getting in the 
way.  Not only that, the audience had stayed throughout, and even gotten 
bigger as the show had continued on.  And it even looked as if most of the 
audience was now heading off to buy the Happy Bus toy!  Shiryo would be 
very happy, she was sure.  It was certainly worth all the money of his that 
she'd spent in coming up with the Happy Bus idea.

Backstage, an elf got off the Happy Bus and took off its prosthetic ears, 
turning into Schein.  He felt very... he supposed the word was 'icky'.  
That had been one of the stupidest and most humiliating things he'd ever 
been forced to do in his life.

But it was the order of his queen.  He could not go against it.

And despite the sheer... seeming stupidity of her plan to conquer the world 
and make it a happier place, she was doing very well.  She'd certainly 
captured the hearts and minds of the children.  That was a *very* good 
start.  Schein had never, in his long experience as a Dark General, come 
across a Dark Monarch that had managed such an impressive feat.

Things served to become interesting.


(TO BE CONTINUED!)

Tune in next time to hear Rei singing the Happy song!

Then again, perhaps not.


 Author's Notes
----------------
Blah.  Not all that much stuff with Uzume after all even though it is, 
ultimately, her story.  Most of the chapter is just the cats and Rei.  But 
I can't think of anything else to write, it's very late on Thursday night 
and I suppose I should send this in before I pass the deadline.

This has not been preread.  This is what happens when you start a chapter 
too late.  Don't try this at home, kids.

Thanks for reading.

Steven Scougall
1st February 2002
http://sscougall.crosswinds.net/