"Well, whaddya know?"

"What's wrong, Mr. Kitty-cat-san?" Nadako blinked cutely, wand in hand.

"Nothing, Nadako-chan... nothing at all," Macavity could only murmur
absently as he beheld the scene before him. Children were gathering
candy from what looked like the decapitated body of a hideous, albeit
rather cute in a way, body of what used to be a youma.

Happy Shiny Beautiful Princess Cheer took one look at the scene and
then instinct took over.

"WAI! Candy!"

As his charge joined the screaming multitudes on stage, Macavity
started licking his right paw.

"Well now," the amused cat thought as he groomed himself distractedly.
"They actually managed to beat Uzume without using a Youma-Finishing
Item. Impressive."

After another moment's thought, Macavity chuckled. He knew that he
should have been worried after a fashion, but...

"Rei must be squirming in that throne of hers right now..." Macavity
snickered.

And Macavity being Macavity, he wasn't that far off either.

############################################################
SENSHI MUYOU! 

Episode 20 - What Did You Call Me!?
By Mads
 
Original concept by Mervyn the Wonder Slug (c) 1999, 2000

Hosted by Indie Madnesse
(http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net)
New HTML! Wai! ^____^
############################################################

Uzume woke up feeling light as a breeze. Maybe that was because of the
filmy black nightdress she always wore to sleep, but that was beside
the point. The point was, she was feeling quite pleasant that day and
it felt as if nothing could go wrong for her.

Uzume smiled.

*BOOM*

Uzume frowned.

Stretching a bit before leaving the bed (causing certain anatomical
features in her possesion to make themselves known...), Uzume sauntered
over to her window, which overlooked the front of her new edifice.

Nothing *seemed* to be amiss. There were the nice new lawn elves she
had ordered (happy, you understand. Lawn gnomes caused people annoyance
and she had ordered her generals to destroy all of them on sight),
there were her nice happy man-eating flowers- no, wait... they
*weren't* there. In their place was a bed of daisies which looked like
they had been hastily planted there sometime ago.

"Hmmm... daisies! Why didn't *I* think of that?" Uzume thought absently
as she went on with her search for whatever had made that awful booming
sound.

*BOOM*

Uzume scanned her front lawn a little more carefully this time. She
could see some of her employee's vehicles parked on the road, she could
see the lawn sprinklers, the large siege weapons scattered about
outside her walls, the remains of a few wayward dogs who had attempted
to water her happy man-eating trees, and there were the-

Wait, back up a bit...

Uzume changed into something a little more decent (or at least, a
little less revealing) and phased into her throne room.

*****

"Oooooh, Schein!"

Schein instantly appeared before Uzume in her throne room in an
impressive burst of dark smoke. Somewhere in the castle, a piece of
toast and a glass of orange juice succumbed to the laws of gravity as
their holder mysteriously vanished. The toast landed on the buttered
side, of course.

"You called for me, my queen?" Schein asked, bowing deeply.

"Yes, yes," Uzume said flippantly, "Schein, didn't I tell you to get
rid of those awful big wheeled things that fling rocks and big pointy
sticks at people that Prudence used to have lying around here?"

Schein raised an eyebrow slightly as he straightened to face Uzume.

"The catapults and ballistae, my queen?"

"Yeah, those. How come they're on our front lawn?"

Schein looked even more puzzled than before.

"My queen, I assure you," Schein started to say, "I followed your
orders concerning the catapults and the ballistae to the *letter*. I
may have not enjoyed converting perfectly-functioning siege vehicles
into souvenir toothpicks, but I still did what you willed."

"Yes, you *would*, wouldn't you?" Uzume agreed thoughtfully. "But
what-"

*BOOM*

"There it is again!" Uzume yelped as the castle walls trembled
slightly.

Schein's eyes narrowed as he looked in another direction.

"Hmmm... so it would seem..." He turned to Uzume. "Please leave this to
me, my liege. I shall find out what is causing the disturbance and will
immediately report to you."

"You do that," Uzume nodded, and just as Schein was about to leave, she
called out, "Oh, oh, Schein!"

*sigh* "Yes, my queen?"

"Have you been to the kitchen? Are there still any strawberry Pup Tarts
left?"

"There's a box in the corner of the leftmost cupboard..."

"WAI! Thanks!"

At that, the queen disappeared towards breakfast and Schein rolled his
eyes before stalking over to the front gates.

*****

"Hmmm... I could have *sworn* I saw some milk over here just a minute
ago..."

"HI, DEAREST BROTHER OF MINE!"

Shiryo reacted as best as he could given the circumstances (Uzume had
just teleported behind him and was attempting to deafen him).

"EEAAGH!" Shiryo announced before rendering a bowl of cereal airborne.

"Wow, Shiryo," Uzume giggled as she walked over to one of the
cupboards. "You've really been on edge these days. Is there something
the matter, brother of mine?"

What Shiryo *wanted* to say was, "Yes, my dear sister. It would seem
that the Agent, who has gained notoriety as one of the most efficient
assassins this side of the fourth wall has laid his sights on me and
that means that at any given moment, I will have ceased to function as
a living being, courtesy of having been slain in what will most
probably be a very unpleasant manner involving a black stilleto."

What he *did* say was, "No."

"Oh. Okay then!' Uzume smiled cutely and tried reaching into the
leftmost cupboard of her edifice's kitchen where Schein said the last
box of Pup Tarts (cuter than the real thing!) would be. But alas, her
prize would elude her, as she was just a bit too short too reach the
back.

Slightly annoyed, Uzume turned around to look for a stool, as she
couldn't very well teleport into the cupboard.

"Oh, Pookie! It's you!" Uzume yelped as she saw the familiar tentacled
teddy bear standing behind Shiryo. "I didn't even notice you were
here!"

Pookie blinked his black button eyes. "G'morning, my queen!" he said as
he shifted something from his bear paws to a tentacle on his back
where it disappeared as if it were never there. "Lovely day, isn't it?"

"It certainly is!" Uzume chirped cheerfully, already forgetting about
what she saw in Pookie's paw just 1.87 seconds ago. "Listen, could you
come over here and help me out? I can't seem to reach the back of the
cupboard by myself."

Pookie nodded readily. "Sure thing!"

As Pookie was helping Uzume retrieve her box of mass-produced pastry
filled with artificial fruit substitutes, Shiryo asked, closely
inspecting two jars, "So, Pookie... Would you like peanut butter on
your toast or would you prefer the jelly inste-"

Shiryo had turned to face Uzume and Pookie.

Oh, Shiryo knew perfectly well what was going on. Of course. He had
been there the whole time, hadn't he?

But still, he couldn't help but find the image of Pookie lifting his
sister by the waist with his tentacles considerably more than a little
disturbing. The fact that Uzume was as sparingly-clad as ever didn't
help.

"..."

Before he could expound on these thoughts, however, intervention rudely
shoved them aside.

"My queen," Schein said as he walked briskly into the kitchen, "I must
speak to you immediately about a matter... most... dire."

Schein paused as he looked at Pookie lifting Uzume.

"I'm having a bad hair day," Pookie explained, noticing Schein and
Shiryo's blank stares.

"Ummm... okay..." said Schein unsurely.

"Hi, Schein!" Uzume called out. "What do you want?"

Schein shook his head to clear it and then faced the Dark Queen.

"My liege, I have to speak to you now. It's very important."

Uzume pouted cutely. "Can't it wait 'til *after* breakfast?"

"I'm afraid it can't, my queen," Schein answered. He looked calm, but
whatever it was that was the matter, it certainly seemed to worry him.

"Oh, alright," Uzume grumped as Pookie put her down, "what is it?"

"The castle is under siege by an army of street mime ninjas, my queen."

Schein braced himself.

"*WHAT!!?*"

"At first," Schein went on, "I had thought it was just Marais again,
but we had taken measures to ensure that he would never set foot inside
another Burrito Barn store again, so that seems doubtful. And besides,
he's still asleep. It turns out that a group of mimes have apparently
decided to wage their little campaign on our castle this morn, my
queen, though for what reasons, I know not."

"Oh... I see," Uzume blinked. "So... what are they doing right now?"

"They're attempting to storm the gates, my queen," Schein said.
"They've started the attack not an hour ago, but luckily for us, I've
trained our youma to have an excellent response time and we're holding
them off very nicely and I believe we can-"

"Those mean mimes!" Uzume declared indignantly, cutting the general
off. "They're trying to ruin my castle gates with their stupid
rock-throwing thingies! And after I went through all that trouble to
get this from Prudence!"

Schein wisely refrained from pointing out that it was he and the other
generals who had actually gone through all the trouble.

"C'mon, Schein!" Uzume said. "Let's-"

"Mete out swift and harsh retaliation upon our foes for daring to
attack the fortress?" Schein guessed.

"Don't interrupt me!" Uzume reprimanded him. "Of course not! Let's go
out there and find out what they want!"

Schein blinked. Why hadn't *he* thought of that?

As Uzume performed happy bounce #15 all the way down the hall (I'm
about to be on a negotiating committee!), Schein reflected that the
long lack of actual combat was finally getting to him.

Inside the kitchen, Shiryo watched the receding figures. He picked up
his breakfast and walked out the door.

"Hmmm, might as well follow them and see what this is about (not to
mention what it might cost me)..."

Pookie watched him for a moment and then followed as well.

*****

A few minutes later, Uzume was in her throne room with all her
generals, and in front of them was the street mime emissiary, a couple
of bodyguards and a translator.

"So, what brings you to lay siege to my castle on this fine day?" Uzume
asked cheerfully. She had had a tray brought into the throne room and
it was presently set in front of her. She took a bite out of a Pup Tart
and regarded the figures before her.

The emissiary, a lean, sickly-looking fellow in the usual black
overalls and facepaint, started gyrating in a series of complex
motions, some of which involved seemingly impossible physical feats.
After he finished, the translator, whose name was Not Important,
turned to Uzume.

"The emissiary says that he represents the Silent Smiling Doom, who
have been at war with the clowns for quite sometime now," Not said
calmly. "He expresses that the Silent Smiling Doom feels it an
offensive act for someone to have an especially active member of the
opposition on her payroll. He demands that the clown be surrendered to
them or they will continue their assault."

"A clown?" Uzume turned to Schein, who was standing to the right of her
throne. "Do we have a clown on our payroll, Schein?"

"It's our chief intelligence officer, Bozo Nishida, my queen..." Schein
whispered to her.

"Oh, him. Right," Uzume nodded, cutely biting into a banana.

The emissiary's bodyguards shifted a bit uncomfortably at the weight of
the various swords and knives and shurikens draped about their bodies.
At least, we *hope* it's because of the various swords, knives and
shurikens draped about their bodies...

"Well, I'm afraid you misunderstood my intentions when I hired Mr.
Nishida to work for me," Uzume started to explain. "You see, here, we
make no distinction between clowns and mimes! We believe in providing
equal employment opportunities and conditions for clown and mime alike!
I assure you, we here harbor no ill feeling whatsoever for mimekind,
least of all, the Silent Smiling Doom!"

As Uzume finished, she gave the emissiary a cute smile.

The emissiary tensed and convulsed in another round of body movements,
each one more difficult than the last, some of which involving what
looked like motions suggesting the presence of an invisible ladder, box
and canoe.

The translator nodded and turned back to Uzume.

"He says that regardless of the intention, the presence of a clown in
your castle is completely unacceptable. It would mark a victory for
clowndom and would be an insult to mimekind," Not Important said
empathically. "He says that your best recourse would be to hand over
the clown so that no one gets hurt."

The emissiary grinned, exposing crooked teeth and then put a finger to
his nose, draped his other hand over it, raised a leg high in the air,
performed a triple somersault with a half-twist and landed on his
head, uninjured.

Not Important nodded. He turned to Uzume.

"He says it's a matter of principle."

Uzume's patience was starting to thin, unfortunately for them. "Listen,
I don't *care* if it's a matter of prinicple, or a matter of life and
death, or whatever!" Uzume said, still smiling, but in a somewhat
strained manner. "I don't give a darn about what Mr. Nishida does in
his off-hours, but as long as he works here, I am NOT going to give him
up just like that to any old person who comes and asks for him, and
especially NOT to the Silent Smiling Broom, or whatever it is that you
mimes call yourselves!"

Hearing this, the emissiary jumped up and down in a fit of rage. He
waved his arms wildly around and made several rude gestures towards
Uzume and the generals in well, general, but to Uzume most especially.

Uzume leaned over to Not Important. "What's he saying?"

Not bit his lip. "Ummm... he says you look lovely today."

"Oh, really?" Uzume smiled demurely. "Why, thank you!"

Schein, Varese, Tallis and Marais sweatdropped as one.

Schein leaned over to Uzume. "My queen... wouldn't it just be easier
for us to give the clown up? It would save us a lot of trouble from
these mimes..."

"Nonsense," Uzume sniffed, "he's an employee of mine and I damn well
can't let *these* guys have him! I appreciate the suggestion, but will
you now please fade into the background and leave the negotiating to
me, Schein?"

"Of course, my queen," Schein said and returned to his post.

"Don't you think you've got *enough* brownie points by now, Schein?"
Tallis said from the side of his mouth.

"Shut up," Schein shot back darkly.

Uzume, meanwhile, was settling with the emissiary. "Look, here's what I
can do... You can send one of *your* guys here to work for me as well.
That way, you can keep an eye on Mr. Nishida and I won't have to lose
my intelligence officer. How does that sound?"

The emissiary seemed to be lost in thought. And then, he nodded.

Not turned to Uzume. "He said-"

Uzume eyed Not. "I *know* what he just said. I'm not dense."

Not blinked. "Then you know that he said, 'That is a generous offer and
we will consider it. We will cease the siege at once and start making
arrangements for an agent of ours to be sent here immediately'?"

"Oh, he said *that*?" Uzume blinked. "Well... okay then!"

Both parties satisfied, the emissiary bowed to Uzume and then did three
cartwheels followed by a split and, amazingly enough, he managed to
clothesline himself.

Not smiled and said, "The emissiary thanks you for your time and hopes
to see you again in the future."

Uzume smiled and sweatdropped. "Umm... same here, I guess..."

*BOOM*

"What's going on!?" Uzume demanded.

Varese looked out the window. "Hm. Looks like the mimes just blew up a
truck."

"Oh, is that all?" Uzume sighed relievedly. "No biggie."

"It has a mark that says the Home Shopping Channel..." Varese observed.

"MY DRESSES!" Uzume shrieked.

She stood bolt upright and pointed at the emissiary and his bodyguards.

"GET THOSE MIMES OUT OF HERE!!! SEND OUT THE YOUMA AND DESTROY THEM 
ALL!!!"

*****

Three kicked-out mime butts and two hours later, the first sieging of
Uzume's Dark Edifice of Happiness and Terror was almost in full swing.
Mime ninjas were scaling the walls, while youma from inside were busy
fending them off. And of course, no siege was complete without the
prerequisite catapult and ballistae.

*POOT*

"Where are they getting all those rocks?" Uzume wondered aloud.

"Uh... that wasn't a rock..." Marais said nervously, looking outside
the window.

"What?" Schein asked and went to see for himself.

Indeed, the last projectile was, in fact, NOT a rock, and it had lodged
itself to the gates. It was big, purple, scaly and looked like...

"It's a two-headed Barney!!!" Tallis screamed. "We're all gonna die!!"

"That's a *youma*!" Schein roared. "How did these mimes get a hold of
a *YOUMA*!??"

Outside, the giant two-headed Barney youma was tearing at the gates and
incapacitating Uzume's guard youmas with several declarations of love
for all mankind and suggestions on how one could use one's imagination
to do wonderful things and of course, there was the chuckle.

"Hiya, kids! Uhyuhyuhyuhyuk!"

Plus, it didn't help that he was big enough to step on them as well.

Uzume looked outside and whistled.

"Wow. That's a big dinosaur..."

*****

In the mime ninja army's nerve center, the leader of the Silent Smiling
Doom was laughing with a very familiar figure. Or more accurately, he
was miming laughter.

Dark Queen Prudence smiled at him.

"I'm glad we made this arrangement," she said in a sultry voice.

And then she laughed.

*****

Rei sighed.

= | What's wrong now? | = the throne asked.

= | A piece that we thought has left the game completely has | =
= | returned. It is causing... problems for our side...      | = the
clock said, concerned.

There were pieces colored black and white swarming what looked like an
ashtray containing several other pieces. Among the black and whites,
there was a large purple ball moving towards the ashtray. A few inches
behind it, the largest of the black and white pieces and a dark blue
gem were rotating about each other.

Suddenly angry, Rei clenched her fist and a random piece on the board
burst into flame.

Somewhere in the outside world, a random person burst in spontaneous
person combustion. But don't worry. It wasn't anyone you liked.

"Why doesn't Macavity ever get problems like these?" Rei gritted.

Inside the ashtray, a strangely-colored marble was moving of its own
volition, isolated from the rest of the pieces within.

Rei smiled slightly.

"One thing may yet prove to move according to my plans..."

The fires crackled as Rei observed the board. Her pawn was stirring.

*****

Uzume looked up from her ramen.

"Oh, Moonshine-chan!" she grinned. "You're just in time for lunch!"

Dark Magical Princess Moonshine was standing under the doorway to the
massive dining hall (Prudence liked to give the occasional ballroom
bash) in pajamas colored an unlikely mixture of black and pink, along
with the bedroom slippers Uzume had given her. In her arms was an
irate-looking Vorpal Void Bunny.

"Evewy second you hold me hewe adds to the suffewing I will inflict
upon you when Lord [Bun-Bun] metes his wrath out to an unsuspecting
world," D-chan admonished.

"I slept in, oneechan," Moonshine smiled drowsily and rubbed her eyes
cutely. "Did I miss anything?"

"Nothing much," Uzume replied, gesturing for Moonshine to sit down.
"The castle's just under siege by an army of street mime ninjas, and I
just sent my troops to repel them, that's all!^__^"

"Oh... okay then," Moonshine smiled, still looking a little sleepy.
"What's for dessert?"

"Vanilla ice cream and chocolate cake," answered the butler (yes, they
had one) from behind Uzume's chair at the head of the table.

"Mmm... ice cream... ^__^" Moonshine said and proceeded to lunch.

*****

"Break out the cauldrons of boiling oil," Varese ordered a random
youma sergeant. "Let's see how good these mimes are at climbing walls
if they have THAT to deal with."

As Varese was supervising the wall defenses and enjoying his job,
Marais, Tallis and Schein were left with the problem of dealing with
the giant youma pounding on the gates.

The atmosphere was rather uncondusive to strategic thinking, given all
the screaming youma and all the noisy mime weapons, but Schein and the
others ignored this.

"We have to think of something quick," Schein warned the two other
Dark Generals. "The gate won't hold out much longer."

"Let's just overpower the thing," Marais suggested. "We've got lots of
youma and there's only one of him."

"Won't work," Schein said. "If we order our youma to attack that thing
out there, there won't be anyone left to fight off the mimes."

"And besides," Tallis adjoined, "none of the low class youma will even
go NEAR that thing, after hearing all that 'love' and 'imagination'
rot, let alone fight it."

Marais held his chin, for once looking like the Dark General that he
was. "And what about the higher class youma?"

"We can't use one of those," Schein told him. "We've already used up
our quota for the week yesterday. If we let another one out, the
Dark Union will be on our backs."

Schein looked outside at the monstrosity attempting to gain access into
the castle.

"Magical alterations must have been made on that youma..." Schein
muttered. "It certainly isn't normal for a youma to be THAT large..."

"Maybe he's just big-boned," Marais suggested. He was promptly ignored.

After a moment's thought, Schein reached a decision.

"Compatriots," he told Tallis and Marais, "I will consult the armory
and artifacts to see if there is anything there that we can use. Until
then, see to it that that creature outside does NOT reach the castle...
even if you have to fight it yourselves!"

Tallis turned to Schein, an expression of horror on his face. "WHAT!?
But Schein, wha-"

Schein had already teleported out.

*****

Meanwhile, inside the castle, a different kind of meeting was taking
place- a financial one.

"So, you think that if we do this, it'll reduce prop costs by 10%?"
Shiryo was asking over a sheaf of papers with lots and lots of numbers
and words on them.

"If my calculations are correct, they should," Pookie said, smiling- or
at least, doing what passed for a smile to a giant, tentacled teddy
bear.

"Great," Shiryo said, "hand me those documents over there so we can
work on this immediately..."

Pookie's grin grew even wider and he walked over to the desk where he
retrieved a small, elaborately-decorated box. As he stepped towards
Shiryo, he slowly began to open it with one of his tentacles.

"Lord Shiryo!" Schein called as he rushed into the room. "Where are the
keys to the storeroom? I can't seem to find them!"

"I borrowed them for awhile," Shiryo explained, taking care not to say
why (he had to hide his Soap Opera Digest issues). "I think I left them
in my room. Here, let me get them for you. Oh, and Pookie..."

Pookie was returning to the desk the small case he had taken, removing
it from view. He towards Shiryo. "Yes?"

"You can start without me. I'll be right back."

"Sure thing!" Pookie grinned and waved as Shiryo and Schein left.

Pookie turned back to the case and looked at it in thought. After a
moment, he stuffed it in a pouch on his back and followed the two.

*****

Dark Queen Uzume was in a small study, doing something of utmost
importance.

"Hmmm... what's next on the agenda?" Uzume wondered to herself,
holding a checklist and then sipping on her tea. "Ah! I'm supposed to
visit those people at the television station again! Oh, wait... the
castle's under siege and I can't go out... oh, well. I guess I'll have
to do something else then..."

She giggled as she crossed out the item on her checklist.

"Now, let's see..." Uzume muttered as she returned to her perusal of
the list.

Suddenly, smoke materialized before her and out from it stepped a
laughing female form.

"OHOHOHOHO! So! Long time, no see, Uzi-chan!"

Uzume blinked. "Prudence?"

"In the flesh!" Prudence said and pointed a black-gloved finger at
Uzume. "So! You thought that you could just move in, didn't you?
Thought that I wouldn't come back to take back what's mine, didn't
you?"

Uzume blinked some more. "I thought you were... you know... too ummm
*dead* to object."

Prudence laughed some more. "OHOHOHO! But I'm back now and I have
every intention of reclaiming this castle! It seems that the traps I've
left failed, so I'm here to do this myself! What say you, Uzume?"

Uzume blinked and her eyes shifted from side to side before settling on
Prudence again. She gestured towards the table.

"Tea?"

*****

"WAAAAAAAHHH! I'm a complete and utter failure of a Dark Queen!"

"No, you're not," Uzume said comfortingly. "You're just a little...
misguided, that's all."

It had been thirty minutes since Uzume had invited Prudence to tea, and
already, the conversation had somehow veered towards how Prudence had
lost the castle in the first place. At the first mention of the
incident, Prudence had snapped.

"WAAAAAAHHH! What kind of Dark Queen would be beaten by a bunch of
mouseketeers in silly wardrobe? I was supposed to be able to control
all the powers of darkness! WAAAH!"

"Now, now, Prudence," Uzume consoled her, remembering how miserable she
had been as well ehen she had been beaten before, "defeat is something
we ALL go through. I think *you*, of all people, should be able to get
over this one."

"*sniff* Do you really think so?" Prudence looked at Uzume with hopeful
eyes.

"Sure I do!" Uzume grinned. "All you'll need is... retail therapy!"

Prudence blinked. "Retail wha-?"

"That's it!" Uzume said, smiling. "You need a vacation! Take a break
from all this Dark Kingdom business!"

"A vacation?" Prudence was starting to look puzzled as she held her
tea. "But wha-"

"Venice Beach!" Uzume declared. "That's the *perfect* place for you to
go and forget all about the unpleasant things that happened to you
here!"

"Is that... such a good idea?" Prudence asked dubiously.

Uzume clasped her hands and smiled cutely at Prudence.

"Of course it is! I'll even pay for it myself! Well, I WILL be using
my brother's money... but that's not the point! The point is, I'm your
friend and all I want is to help you, right? We've known each other for
a while, right?"

Prudence sniffed. "Well... we *did* graduate from Dark Queen Academy
together..."

"See?" Uzume said triumphantly. "Now, you just relax and think about
all that sand and ocean and nice, big, green trees in California and
don't worry about a thing! I'll even help you pack!"

Prudence looked at Uzume, starry-eyed and tearful. "You'd do all this..
for me?"

Uzume simply smiled and said, "Why not? C'mon, I think I some of your
stuff is still here. Let's find them, and after that, I can send you to
California without further ado! How's that sound?"

"Umm... that would be great..." Prudence smiled slightly.

"Wai!" Uzume squealed, bouncing. "I *knew* you'd think this was a good
idea!"

*****

Schein was alone as he rummaged through various magical items in the
storeroom, looking for something that would aid in their castle
defense.

He wouldn't be alone for long, though...

To his astonishment, a portion of the air in front of him split open
to admit a large male figure clad in black and white.

"I am looking for your queen," the leader of the Silent Smiling Doom
gestured. "She has a lot of explaining to do..."

Schein narrowed his eyes at the intruder.

"You must be the leader of the Silent Smiling Doom, Mnemmlem..." he
murmured, dark energy already congregating on his hand. "You've got
guts coming in here alone... I'll give you *that*."

"It is only a pity that my spatial displacement slash isn't as
accurate as it used to be," Mnemmlem mimed (this took some time to do),
"otherwise, I would have appeared just in front of your queen. But..."

He extruded a black stilleto from a sheath by his side.

"... a general will do."

Schein sneered as both his hands now glowed with black power. "Have at
you, mime!"

Battle, one-on-one combat, etc.

*****

Tallis and Marais watched as the two-headed giant Barney finally broke
through the heavy wall gates. As it lumbered towards the castle, the
two generals launched into a heated debate using all of the logical
faculties they could muster.

"You go fight it first."

"No, *you* go first."

"No, *you* go first!"

"No, *you* go first!"

"No, *you* go first!"

"But I just had lunch!"

"Well, *I'm* not going first!"

"*YOU* go first!!!"

"No, *YOU* go first!!!"

*****

"By the way, Prudence, your old youma, Pookie is really a hard worker!
He's been real helpful to me in all his time here!"

"Pookie? Who's Pookie?"

"Say what?"

*****

Shiryo was passing the throne room on his way to his study when he saw
a familiar figure skulking in the darkness. He heaved a sigh of relief
when he saw that it was only his trusted accountant.

"Whew, it's just *you*, Pookie," Shiryo said as he approached the
tentacled teddy, whose back was to him. "For a minute there, I thought
you were..."

Tentacles were suddenly wrapped around Shiryo's arms, legs and waist,
immediately incapaciatating him. The Dark Litigator was lifted clear
off the ground.

"POOKIE! What the-!?"

"... you thought I was who, Lord Shiryo?" Pookie chuckled as he turned
to face his captive. "The... Agent maybe?"

Shiryo looked down at what Pookie had in a small, fancy-looking case.
Inside, resting on some red velvet, was a black stilleto.

"Woo boy," Shiryo eked.

*****

Rei smiled to herself contentedly. At last, the true Marble she had
dispatched had revealed itself. With one of the black pieces gone, a
void would be present, a void which would have to be filled. And when
that void came, she'd be ready...

"What's this?" Rei muttered. "Interference?"

A piece with what looked like a smile painted on it moved in behind
her Marble.

*****

"NISHIDA! Help! It's Pookie! He's the Agent!"

Pookie whirled around to snarl at the clown who had appeared under the
doorway of the throneroom and was holding a gun at him.

"I should have known it was you all along," Bozo said, trembling. "You
fooled us all... even Lord Schein!"

"They *do* say I am the best," Pookie laughed.

"That was very clever of you... pretending to be youma looking for a
job... you even pretended that you couldn't understand human language!
Pretty slick..." Bozo said, stepping a little closer, though obviously
terrified out of his wits.

"Yes, it was, wasn't it?" Pookie maintained his hold on Shiryo.

"You must be very pleased with yourself, waiting for the perfect
oppportunity when everyone who mattered's distracted," Bozo said. "But
now I'm here to stop y-"

It is very hard to go on talking if someone just stuck a knife on your
back.

"Gnnhh..." said Bozo before falling over. One of Pookie's tentacles
returned to its normal size, shortening as it returned to its owner
carrying the now-bloodied stilleto.

"Amateur," Pookie sniffed before returning his attention to Shiryo.
"Now where were we?"

"Ummm... you were about to let me go and turn over a new leaf?"
Shiryo grinned amiably.

"Nice try. Goodbye, Lord Shiryo," Pookie laughed.

"Mommy."

*****

Rei watched with rapt attention. The moment was coming. And then...

"*WHAT!?*" all of Rei's voices screamed simultaneously as they saw
what was about to unfold on the board. "This cannot be! This MUST not
be! But my control is limited! I cannot prevent it! EEAA-"

As Rei screamed, her rage reverberated all throughout her prison,
affecting even those outside of her dimension.

*****

Yuriko wound up with a HUGE migraine that eve.

*****

Pookie's knife stopped short of Shiryo's neck as a familiar voice rang
through the throne room.

"You have attacked a person who looks like my daddy... you have hidden
your true nature and will spread unhappiness by betraying those who
trusted you... and you dare try to kill Lord Shiryo!"

Pookie turned towards the small figure that had just appeared under the
doorway. He rolled his eyes. "Criminy, not *another* one..."

"In the name of happiness, love and terror," Dark Magical Princess
Moonshine called out, clad in full battle gear (which isn't saying
much, really) I order you to drop my adopted sister's brother!"

"Hah! I've handled Dark Queens, Dark Monarchs and Dark Generals!"
Pookie laughed at the dark magical princess before him. "What makes you
think I'll listen to a puny Dark Princess like-"

Moonshine had crouched by a corner, deep in thought.

"Now, if I'm Uzume's adopted sister, and Lord Shiryo is her brother,
that would make him *my* brother as well, and that would make him
daddy's adopted son too, and..."

"HEY! You're not even listening to me!" Pookie cried out indignantly.

Moonshine blinked wide, startled eyes at Pookie.

"Now that I have your attention again," Pookie growled amusedly, "You
can watch while I consume you piece by piece!"

"I will defeat you!" Moonshine declared courageously. "I won't be
beaten by you! Right, D-chan?"

Moonshine blinked after a moment. She turned to look at a nonexistent
D-chan.

"D-chan! I can't beat ugly monsters without you here to advise me!
D-chan! Yoo-hoo!"

Pookie pounced.

"I'm doomed," Shiryo thought as Pookie let him come along for the
ride.

*****

Tune in next time to see... something really weird! ^___^

*****

Me Speak Here...

Finished! Wai! And loads before time too ^___^! I'll still probably
have to get an extension while I look for prereaders, though ^___^;;;.

Sorry about the length of this thing, and sorry if you felt that the
funny ran out as it went along. Because it did. I did this in just one
go. I just hope I haven't mangled the story too much. ^__^

Story Notes:

It seems that earlier, there was some confusion as to who Rei's
"Marble" was supposed to be. When Teyunde's part appeared (Part 12),
I was under the impression that Tewwance was the Marble and was
"dealt with". However, *another* Marble seems to have appeared around
Episode 18, and it seems to represent the enigmatic Agent. In this
story, I made it so that there was more than one Marble. Hope that
makes sense ^^.

No mention was made of Tewwance, but I hope I've handled the Agent-
Marble thing satisfactorily. Rei's "Marble" appears whenever it reveals
itself, so it would make sense that Nyuro would be represented by a
Marble if he *thought* he was the Agent, right? ^^

Anyway, I hope none of you mind that I made Pookie the Agent. I was
running out of suspects, and turning the butler into the Agent just
didn't seem right. ^^;;;;

Oh, and don't worry about Bozo. It wasn't a fatal wound. Last thing we
need is Sachiko going on some kind of revenge schtick. Next author:
please, pleeeeaaaase let him live. ^_^;;;

Bah, enough of me. Danke all and please e-mail me your comments and
feedback ^^.

Ja. Godspeed.

-Madsman
madsthebeast@eudoramail.com