########################################################## SENSHI MUYO Episode 6 - Who's Been Dripping Slime on the Casting Couch? by Philip Barkow - "Gnostic in Training" Thanks to Jonatan Streith, Kate Malloy, and Alex "Eslington" Powell for pre-reading. Original concept by Mervyn the Wonder Slug, (c) 1999 Hosted by Indie Madnesse (http://www.students.rhodes.edu/~knoke/indie/indie.html) ########################################################## "Nope. We have heard that you expressed an interest in combat training for your armies so I'm here to teach them," the kobold stated confidently. "Do you have any references Mr...?" Uzume asked politely. "Genma. Well, I'm sure Macavity here will vouch for me," the kobold followed Uzume's searching gaze to find that sure enough, Macavity was not there. "Well, if you have a copy of your resume on hand I'll be sure to take a look at it." Uzume replied apologetically. "I can't promise you anything though, you don't seem nearly happy enough," she added critically. "Pardon?" Genma asked in a bemused tone. Seemingly distracted, she ignored his question. "Now if you'd please excuse me, I have another appointment," Uzume said as she departed. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Elsewhere Macavity grinned to himself as he padded silently into the bedroom and leapt up onto the small desk. Squinting at the open workbook he noticed that half the questions seemed to have been left undone. *Perfect,* Macavity thought to himself. *It's always more fun to work with a traditionalist.* Flipping the workbook closed, he squinted and read the name on the cover. "Now Nadako," Macavity said aloud, and then jumped onto the nearby bed. "It's time to cheerfully greet your destiny." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Do you have much experience with this kind of work, Nyuyokumiru- san?" Uzume inquired politely. "Please, call me Nyuro," the well dressed man replied. Equal parts bishonen and unctuousness, the man would have been readily identified as either a demon or a Hollywood Agent, depending on what kind of company you keep. Or perhaps both. "I've been recruiting pubescent girls for many years. I personally obtained most of the necessary sacrifices for Dark Queen Hecate's attempt to bring about the return of the Okiiwaruikoto. I was also involved in the Fujinkajin's effort at gigapolygamy. I must admit though, I am most impressed with the potential of this new innovation of yours, and look forward to working with you." "Great!" Uzume said with Happy Bounce #13. "When can you start?" "And how much do you charge?" Shiryo asked sourly. "I'm sure you'll find my rates are quite reasonable," the Agent replied smoothly. "I look forward to starting immediately." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Stop picking on Carlisle," Whittington said protectively. "Oh alright," Sachiko replied in a bored tone. "Thank you Whittington," Carlisle said trying to recover her wounded dignity. "That's my job!" the grey blob of fluff continued in a tone of mock indignation. "Why you!" Carlisle said as she swatted at Whittington. "Did you bring us here for a reason, or are we just here to learn about your relationships?" Fushin asked in an exasperated tone. "Quite right," Carlisle said, trying to recapture at least a faint sense of professionalism. "Whittington, continue with the briefing. I have to be going." The black cat turned and left the room. "Where's she going?" asked Fushin. "She has to recruit another one of your compatriots," Whittington replied succinctly. "Anyway, your duty is to put a stop to the evil schemes of Dark Queen Uzume." "So what's she trying to do? Collect the Heart Brushes of the nineteen pure hearted girls who have been touched by the second cousin of the Lord of Dreams to assemble the Artifact of Penultimate Puissance and thus conquer the world?" Sachiko asked in a sarcastic tone. Whittington blinked in surprise. "Actually, she tried that a couple of years ago," Whittington answered in an embarrassed tone of voice. "Right now, the important thing is that you put a stop to her present scheme." "And what is her latest scheme?" "She intends to make the world a happier place." "You're not kidding are you?" Sachiko asked despondently. "No, I'm not," replied Whittington. "Great... Can this get any weirder?" Sachiko asked with a sigh. To an outside observer, the answer was obvious. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "How did you get in here Mr. Kitty-cat?" "I'm here to tell you about your destiny, Nadako-chan." "You can talk! Does this mean I'm going to be a Magical Girl?" "That's right Nadako-chan. It is up to you face the forces of evil. The very fate of the world may hang in the balance." "Wai! I've always wanted to be a Magical Girl! Aren't you supposed to give me a transformation pen?" "But of course," Macavity replied, with a grin that would have been very familiar to Alice. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "I don't believe you! Demons prefer that kind of disguise to sucker in little kids. Next thing you will say is that I'm some kind of reincarnated magical girl destined to save the world," Meryl said in a bitter tone. "Not again," Carlisle said with a groan. "Why is your generation so cynical?" "I want to pet the kitty!" Molly enunciated in a high pitched voice, refocusing her gaze of intense cuteness. "Get back Molly, it's dangerous!" Meryl said protectively. "No she's not. I checked her aura," Molly replied as if it had been obvious. "Are you sure?" Meryl asked warily. "Yes. Her aura is pretty," Molly replied with equanimity that only children and fools are capable of. "Well, alright," Meryl said as she grudgingly dropped her guard. Molly promptly began cuddling Carlisle. "So what do you want anyway?" Meryl asked with a trace of suspicion left in her voice. "You had it right the first time," Carlisle said in between pets. "You're kidding, right?" "Sorry." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "If she desires to make the world a happier place, why do we need to stop her?" Fushin asked in a tone of tried patience. "Because she intends to conquer the world first," Whittington continued. "So what? Shouldn't we just ignore her in favor of someone who wants to conquer the world but doesn't want to make people happy?" Sachiko asked rationally. "She wants to make people happy. Circuses make people happy. If she conquers the world, you'll be forced to work in a circus for the rest of your life," Whittington improvised. "The bitch goes down," Sachiko stated determinedly. "And why should I be concerned?" Fushin asked. "Because she intends to eliminate paperclips!" "Why would she do that?" "Because faulty paper clips make people unhappy." "Which would give me better job security." "But she's more likely to eliminate them entirely!" "Why is that?" "It's the way she works!" "Really." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Yuriko paused in her work. For a moment she pictured herself clad in a metal costume that left far too much skin exposed to be considered armor, leading an army to crush her enemies. Pausing to shake that image out of her head, she concentrated more intensely on her work, and thus failed to notice the momentary green glow emanating from the vase on her desk. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Thank you for agreeing to see me on such short notice Kocho- san," The Demonic Talent Scout said, oozing respect. "It was my pleasure Nyuyokumiru-san. This school is most appreciative of the generous donations your agency makes." "Please, call me Nyuro." "So, what can I do for you Nyuro-san?" "We'd like to hold auditions. The standard arrangements will be fine." "But of course. I'll see to it that the gymnasium is made ready." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Released from a hidden compartment deep within the Dark Queen Prudence's recently annexed castle, a twisted creature with an unhealthy number of tentacles and more teeth than your average Jaws movie stalked the halls of Dark Queen Uzume's Dark Edifice of Fear and Happiness and Terror. Hearing approaching footsteps, it tried to get its prey's scent. It's keen sense of smell easily picked up Varese's multiple conditioners, shampoos, mousses, and styling gels, and it promptly concluded that not only was Varese inedible, but he was probably highly toxic as well. The creature slunk away in search of a more palatable target. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= The sound of quarreling resonated clearly through out the room. This wasn't surprising for two reasons: 1) The room housing the entertainment center had been built with excellent acoustics. 2) Marais and Tallis were involved in a dispute about what to show on the big screen, high definition, digital television. "I'm not going to miss the pay per view special!" Marais insisted stubbornly. "My copy of 'Sleepless in Seattle' is already overdue. I don't think it's too much to ask for me to sit down and eat a little quiche and watch a movie," Tallis replied in a more level tone. "Real penguins don't eat quiche!" "What?" "I meant, real youma don't eat quiche! Get this junk out of here!" "NO! Not my chafing dish! ANYTHING but that!" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Shiryo-kun, have you heard anything about that image consultant I sent for?" asked Uzume. "No, not a thing," Shiryo replied politely, seeing as he'd unplugged the fax machine in an effort to avoid yet another expense. "How odd," Uzume replied in a tone of mild bafflement. "I know what we need! More publicity. I'll give YNN a call." "But what if father sees?" Shiryo asked, the beginning of panic in his voice. "You're right! It would be much more polite to tell him about it in person." "That wasn't what I meant!" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "So you failed. I'm very disappointed in you, Robspierre," Dark Queen Yasha enunciated with a combination of threat and temptation in her voice. Her Dark Generals exchanged embarrassed glances, but remained silent. Dark Queen Yasha took a sip of a dark red liquid that might have been wine, and continued. "That's you, by the way," she said pointing at General #3 with her left foot. "Honestly. I expect you to do better next time." "Next time, your majesty?" one of the generals asked, possibly number two. "Yes, I want you to run a scouting mission. Report back any keen gossip, tactically relevant information, whatever you can find of interest." "How many Youma should I take with me, my queen?" "Oh none, just take a few of the Vorpal Bunny Rabbits for protection." [OMINOUS CHORD] Collectively, the assembled generals shuddered. "Ramirez, get rid of that tuba." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Uzume is weak. Like all others she will fall to the night. Go Acheron, and find what secrets she hides under the cloak of darkness, so that we may use them to destroy her," ordered Dark Queen Nyx in a voice that was reminiscent of the sound of movement several meters behind you in a dark forest. "Hail Nyx, Queen of Night," they responded in a whisper. [OMINOUS CHORD] "Quiet!" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Pardon me, Seisakushi-san," a man in a dark suit said as he came out from behind the golf cart. "Yes?" the man replied as he adjusted his traditional gorufu fuku no goshikku-youshiki*. "Phone call for you sir. It's your daughter," he said, holding out a cellular phone. "Ah, Uzi-chan. Thank you." "And the management requested that I ask you to please try not to keep draining the life energy of your caddies. Their union is complaining again." "The phone please." *A gothic golf outfit. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= In search of some new reading material, Schein entered the library. As it was a necessary part of any respectable Edifice of Fear and Darkness and Terror, Dark Queen Prudence had maintained a sizeable library. It was a fairly typical Dark Library, rife with books containing unspeakable torments, and secrets of dark magic that would drive a man insane. Since they tended to give Youma really nasty migraines, these books of dark magic spent most of their shelf-life collecting dust. Though not particularly optimistic, Schein had decided to visit the library in an effort to locate anything readable before Uzume insisted that the library's contents be replaced with 'happier' fare. Schein took note of the portable infra-red scope that had been discarded on the floor, and more importantly the pile of fine ash next to it. Departing rapidly, Schein made a mental note to suggest that Uzume hire a properly trained Combat Librarian. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= A green light pulsed from the vase. In a dry, broken voice, cluttered with the dust of centuries, it begain to speak. "Her will... Grows weak. Soon she... Will yield to me... And I will once again... Walk the earth... And I will... Stop talking... Like Shatner." Having been working late, Yamada overheard the vase and resolved to ask his psychiatrist to increase his prescription. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Save for the crackling of the fire, the hall was silent. A cloaked figure watched the flames, unmoving. Perhaps not even breathing. Her watcher certainly couldn't tell. "I am impressed, Macavity. Few can enter here, much less enter unnoticed." "I've told you before Rei, I'm the best." "After this wager is decided we shall see. Your entire world shall see." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= FIN Tune in next week to hear Sachiko comment about how beautiful Dark Queen Uzume is. Or maybe not.