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 SENSHI MUYO

 Episode 4 - My People Will Call Your People!
 by Brian Stricklin

 Original concept by Mervyn the Wonder Slug, (c) 1999

 Hosted by Indie Madnesse
 (http://www.students.rhodes.edu/~knoke/indie/indie.html)
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     It was long past closing time at the Doom n' Gloom Bar and
Grill, but the proprietor wisely made no comment of it - failing
to be polite and understanding to a Dark Queen that wanted to
drown her sorrows, particularly with two equally trigger-happy
associates close at hand, was unlikely to be a wise career move.
     Instead, he busied himself with cleaning glasses, wiping
down the counter, and trying to sweep around Dark Queen Nyx's
endlessly-flowing hair.  But mainly, he kept the drinks coming.
     Prudence was well past the sobbing in self-pity stage, and
had progressed to brooding while staring into her glass.  "How
c'n they do this to me," she muttered blearily.  "I coulda been a
contender.  I coulda taken over.  Drained everyone's energy into
th' Omnipepto... Omnipolyp... Really Powerful Crystal of Despair. 
I woulda ruled th' world."  She took a deep breath and begain to
wail.  "And I woulda gotten away with it if it weren't for those
meddling kids!"
     Nyx and Yasha exchanged glances.
     "Yeah, that's too bad," Yasha sympathized.  "Really
heartbreaking.  So, uh, about this Crystal of Despair... you
don't happen to remember where you left it, do you?"
     "It's gone.  Alllll blown up." Prudence failed to notice the
muttered curses that rose from either side of her.  "Dirty rotten
Witch Lasses ruined everything.  Now all I've got is my Scepter
of Dominion, a handful of semi-loyal youma, a few tons of
jewelry, and my castle.  I'm ruined!"
     "Um," Nyx began, "about the castle..."
     "We tried to stop her from taking it," Yasha began hastily -
nobody wanted to be on Prudence's bad side.  "We knew you'd be
back for it..."
     "...but she just went ahead and took it anyway," Nyx agreed.
     "Moved all her stuff in, too."
     "And she had some of the worst-dressed youma I've ever
seen!"
     Prudence's head bobbed back and forth as if she was at a
tennis match.  "Who?"
     "Uzume."
     The recently-defeated Dark Queen stared at her stepsisters
in evil... then began to giggle.  "U... Uzi-chan?  *She* took my
castle?  Hee hee hee!"
     This was not the response the other Queens had expected. 
"Um," Yasha ventured, "aren't you upset?"
     Prudence recovered a bit.  "On the contrary.  If that
bubble-headed floozy wants my castle, she can have it... *if* she
can keep it."
     "Huh?"
     "There're a few surprises I left lying around for the
unwary..."  She giggled again.  "Boy, is *she* gonna get it!"

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

     Completely unnoticed, a figure watched the evil trio from
the bar's grimy window.  Two eyes, one blue and one green,
observed their every movement, and unusually keen hearing
overheard their slightly slurred conversation.
     Finally the figure decided it had heard enough, hopped down
from the windowsill, and sauntered off into the darkness.
     Well, well.  Uzume, huh?  It'd been a while since he'd seen
her in action.  Say what you like about the blue-haired bimbo,
she was certainly creative.  And never boring.  He hated boring.
     Yes, it seemed like the time to look up some old friends...
     Between one heartbeat and the next, the small figure
vanished.

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

     It was a beautiful set.  The best that money could buy,
despite Shiryo's attempts to convince Uzume that bigger was not
necessarily better, and it had been constructed in record time
that morning in one of the Castle's larger ballrooms.  While Dark
Queen Uzume didn't have many skills, she did know how to...
*inspire* her underlings to work beyond their normal capacities -
after a few careful words and one or two well-timed energy
blasts, the unlucky crew was willing to do anything to get out of
there as soon as possible.
     At the moment, Uzume was busy starring in what was sure to
be a hit show and convince millions of people to pledge their
allegiance to her Kingdom of Happiness and Terror:
     "The Adventures of the Youmabibbles!"
     Uzume was very proud of the show.  Of course, as writer,
director, music coordinator, president of the studio, and lead
actress, she had plenty to be proud *of*.
     The rest of the production crew, however, had little to
rejoice over.  Shiryo was fretting over the ever-escalating cost
of Uzume's grand design and worrying what their parents would do
if they ever caught wind of all this.  Varese, Tallis, and Schien
were very unhappy - while they had been included as part of the
cast of the show, Uzume had decided that 'Dark Generals' weren't
quite happy enough for a kid's program.  So she dubbed them
elves.  Dark Elves, admittedly, but elves all the same.  And the
singing... the singing was almost too much to bear.
     Only Marais was enjoying himself.  His total lack of singing
ability, combined with the inevitable result of his trips to the
Burrito Barn, moved him from in front of the camera to behind it. 
Being able to watch his fellow Generals sing and dance for the
camera with fixed grins, wearing happy yet sinister costumes...
oh, yeah, he was having a *grand* old time.
     But all good things come to an end.  So do bad things, of
course, but they tend to last longer.
     "And... CUT!  Okay, people, that's a wrap!"  Uzume bounced
cheerfully.  "I always wanted to say that."
     "Fine, swell, it's a wrap," Varese snarled.  "Can we get out
of these leotards now?"
     The Queen waggled a reproachful finger at him.  "*Someone*'s
not a very cheerful elfie, is he?  All right, you can get
changed."  Uzume herself didn't need to change; she'd decided (of
course) that her traditional long flowing gown was ideal for her
role.  "All we need to do now is show the tape to that nice man
we called at the television station, and we're all set."
     Shiryo sighed hopelessly.  "Uzume, don't you think we should
clean up the tape a little bit?  It's pretty rough as it is."
     "Oh, don't worry.  It'll be perfectly fine!  This is just a
demo, after all - once we show it to the guy, he'll see the true
spirit of the message beneath, and he won't be able resist giving
me the contract!"
     Her brother, who knew rather more about such negotiations
and could recognize a crappy show when he saw it, was rather less
confident.

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

     Carlisle knew the drill very well.  Your average magical
girl tends toward oversleeping - something to do with the stress
having a Mystic Destiny inflicts on a young body, as far as she'd
been able to figure out.  It was up to their animal companion to
wake them up so they could rush to school.
     As she hopped onto Sachiko's windowsill, noticing the
faintly stirring lump under her bedcovers, the black cat knew
just what to do.  Levering the window open with practiced ease,
Carlisle crouched, gauged the distance... then pounced, landing
where she judged the girl's shoulder would be.  "Time to wake
up," she announced, prodding the lump for emphasis.  "Come on,
you don't want to be late."
     There was no response.
     Puzzled, Carlisle hopped onto the mattress and nudged her
head under the blanket.  "Sachiko, you need to... to..."
     Two yellow reptilian eyes, glowing with reflected light,
stared back at her.
     Carlisle quickly backpedaled, half a second before the
alligator's jaws snapped shut around her previous position. 
Panicked, the cat raced around the room, barely managing to stay
ahead of the hungry gator, before finally managing to escape
through the window.
     As she panted for breath on a branch just outside Sachiko's
room, she saw the door open, and the girl's mother unicycled in. 
"Who's making all this... Snappy!"  The woman hopped off and,
much to Carlisle's astonishment, snuggled the agitated reptile. 
"What are you doing in here, you silly thing?  Sachiko-chan left
for school a long time ago."
     Snappy rumbled a response of some kind.
     "Well, come on - I've got some nice rabbits for you.  Much
nicer than the squirrels you like to chase..."  The rest of the
conversation was cut off as the woman shut the window.
     Carlisle breathed a sigh of relief.  She could see why
Sachiko welcomed the change from her usual family life...
     A soft snickering caught her attention and raised the hair
on her neck.  She *knew* that snicker.
     Her fears were confirmed as she looked up at the next
branch, which was empty just a moment before.  It now contained
the most disreputable-looking cat in the world, which is saying
something.  His fur was a mottled black, orange, and white, and
his eyes were equally mismatched - green on the left, blue on the
right.  Even though his fur seemed to be filthy and unkempt, it
was actually spotless, but groomed so that it didn't appear
clean.  He didn't smell, but he *looked* like he smelled.
     The cat grinned at her (he'd always claimed to be part
Cheshire).  "Slick moves, there, Carly-girl.  You and that lizard
oughta go on TV."
     She scowled.  "Macavity."
     He grinned again and hopped down onto her branch.  "Hey, you
remembered!  I feel so loved.  Gimme some sugar, Carly-girl..."
     Macavity quickly reared back, barely preventing Carlisle's
paw, claws extended, from smacking his nose.  "You'll get a flesh
wound if you don't back off, fleabag.  And don't call me
Carly-girl!"
     "Simmer down, pretty kitty.  I'm not looking for trouble."
     Carlisle was unconvinced.  "I don't have time to deal with
you, Macavity.  I've got more important-"
     "Yeah, yeah, Uzume's back and wants to make the whole world
a happy and obedient place for you and me, I know."  The rogueish
cat hopped back up to his original branch.  "That's why I'm
here."
     "I don't need your help."
     "Help?  Nah, not my style."  Macavity lay down, a foreleg
dangling peacefully over the edge of the branch.  "But I thought
I should mention that you may not need to worry about Uzume
launching an immediate attack, or whatever she's planning to do -
she's taken over Dark Queen Prudence's castle, and judging from
what Pru had to say about that, she left something nasty behind. 
Dunno what, but Uzume's probably gonna be a little busy in the
near future."
     Carlisle peered at him suspiciously.  "Why should I believe
you?"
     "Because I never lie - you *know* that, right?"  He rolled
over onto his back.  "The truth can be just *so* much more fun,
don't you think?"
     She sighed.  "Look, just do me a favor, and don't interfere. 
I don't need-"
     She stopped in mid-sentence as she glanced up and saw that,
without so much as a word goodbye, Macavity wasn't there.

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

     Varese was slowly edging toward a better mood.  It helped
that Uzume hadn't insisted that her co-stars accompany her on the
trip to the television station.  It helped that he wasn't forced
to share a bathroom with the other elves... er, Generals, as the
Castle was plenty big enough to give each of them an entire suite
to themselves.  But most of all it helped that he'd been able to
shampoo, mousse, condition, re-condition, and subject his hair to
seven kinds of chemical assault in order to make it perfect once
again.
     He looked at himself in the mirror, and liked what he saw. 
After flipping the can of styling gel once or twice, he casually
set it down on a particularly ugly wall ornament (the bathroom
shelves were already packed full) and wandered off.
     He failed to notice the fact that the ornament sunk toward
the floor a few inches after he'd done so, and also didn't hear
the faint grating of stone on stone deep within the castle walls.
     Which is just as well, all things considered.

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

     The station executive very politely watched the tape to the
end, not commenting once.  Shiryo rather hoped he would - if he
reacted badly, then maybe Uzume would blast him, realize the
futility of trying to make people happy by force, and go back to
what she did... well, *worst*, given her track record, but at
least she was consistent.
     Instead the executive seemed absorbed in the tape of Queen
Uzume and her loyal Youmabibbles, whose comical attempts at
making their own decisions always led to unhappiness that Uzume
had to correct by giving them orders.  (Again, Uzume was quite
proud of the script.  It had taken almost a whole *hour* to
write!)
     Finally the tape ended, and the middle-aged man switched off
the credits (Uzume, Uzume, Uzume, Uzume, Marais, Uzume...) And
turned to look at his guests.  He took a deep breath.
     *Here it comes,* Shiryo mused. *He'll insult it, she'll nuke
him, and I can finally go back to Venice Beach and she won't be
able to take my money anymore until the next time she-*
     "Brilliant.  Absolutely brilliant."
     Shiryo's jaw hit the floor.  Uzume's squeal of excitement
fractured glass in the station's lobby, three floors down.  "You
really THINK so?!"
     "Certainly.  Oh, it's not perfect - there are a few rough
edges here and there, a little polish is needed - but I think
it's safe to say that our station would be proud to sponsor your
show."
     "This can't be happening," Shiryo muttered.  "Don't you see
anything wrong with teaching children that being a mindless slave
with no free will is a good thing?"
     The executive simply stared at him in confusion.  "Excuse
me?  This is *television*."
     "Oh.  Right.  Sorry."
     Uzume bounced and giggled happily.  "This is so great! 
We'll have to train the Youmabibbles harder, get Marais a better
camera... new costumes!  Wai!  And..."
     "There is, however, one thing the show needs before we put
it on the air."
     The Dark Queen blinked. "What's that?"
     "Adversaries."
     "Adversaries?"
     "Antagonists.  Villains.  They're more marketable, you see."

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

     Remember the vase?  The funky, green-glowing vase that was
left in Fushin's cubicle?  The one that most likely has some
obscure connection to Dark Queen Uzume?
     Yep, it's still there.  Whittington had managed to convince
Fushin that he needed to take a day or two of vacation, and after
the cat had had a few words with Fushin's manager, Yamada-san had
agreed.  Then had left to go lie down somewhere.
     Don't worry.  The vase isn't going anywhere.
     Probably.

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

     Sachiko left the school grounds alone.  As usual.  Though
she was unusally attractive and got good grades, few of the other
students wanted to hang around the 'weird circus girl'.  She'd
been on classroom-cleaning duty, which was fine with her - the
longer she could legitimately stay away from home, the better.
     A black cat was waiting for her at the school gates.  They
stared at each other for a while, then Carlisle's expression grew
annoyed.  "Why didn't you tell me about the alligator?"
     *Well, so much for the 'dream' theory.* "Who, Snappy?  Old
family pet.  He's a big softie, really."
     The cat hmphed.  "Well, let's go."
     "Where?"
     "To our headquarters.  You need to meet the rest of the
team.  What we have of it, anyway."
     Sachiko peered at Carlisle suspiciously.  "We're not talking
about a gaggle of schoolgirls in color-coordinated fuku, are we?"
     Trying to banish the thought of Whittington and Fushin in
fuku, Carlisle shook her head.  "Not at all.  Actually, I'm not
sure *what* we're going to end up with..."
     She led Sachiko to the relatively large house and instructed
her to open the door.  As she did so, they both heard the voices
within:
     "...still don't see why you brought all this junk."
     "This is a *working* vacation.  I had to bring the new
shipment of ZX42s to check them."
     "And these?"
     "Specification book, incoming quality audit report forms,
distribution schedule..."
     "You're really dull, you know that?"
     "Come on," Carlisle urged, and Sachiko reluctantly followed.
     As they emerged from the hallway (Sachiko placing her shoes
next to the large loafers already there), she saw an off-white
furball of a cat, and an older man, maybe in his mid-twenties,
sitting among a few boxes and stacks of paperwork.
     Sachiko's first thought when she saw Fushin was, *What a
hunk!*  Then common sense kicked in.  "Who's this?"
     Fushin raised an eyebrow at the girl's rude question - this
was still Japan, after all - but as a man that talked to cats, he
shrugged and let it slide.  "My name's Takusan Fushin. 
Apparently I've been brought here for the same reason you were -
because of some poorly-defined Destiny or other."
     Sachiko nodded slightly.  "I think I understand now."
     He chuckled.  "That's more than I-"
     Five busy minutes later found Fushin sitting against the
wall as Sachiko placed an apple on his head.  He would have
removed it, but the knives pinning his shirt to the stuccoed
surface made it rather hard to move.  "Um... excuse me, did I
miss something?"
     She ignored him and took a few steps back.  "I don't know
how you managed the trick with the cats - little radios or
something - but I'm afraid you picked the wrong girl to act out
your sick little fantasies with."
     "Fantasies?"
     "C'mon, don't play dumb.  Older man, younger girl, talking
cats, magic Destiny... well, your little lolicon plans just went
out the window, pal!"
     He desperately looked at Carlisle and Whittington.  "A
little help here?"
     "Don't move," Sachiko warned as she took aim at the apple. 
"I haven't quite perfected this trick yet..."  Fushin grew very
still.
     "I think we'd better get Myra Lou on the line," Carlisle
admitted."
     "Good plan."  As the cats manipulated the console - not easy
without opposable thumbs, Whittington glanced at his counterpart. 
"*You* didn't give her those knives, did you?"
     "Of course not.  She brought them with her."
     "That's a relief.  For a moment I thought you wanted to hire
a new set of Blade Beauties."
     "Don't be insulting!"
     Despite his predicament, Fushin was curious.  "Blade
Beauties?" he asked out of the corner of his mouth.
     The cats glanced at him momentarily.  "Sailor Hatchet,
Sailor Stiletto, and Sailor Glaive-Guisarme," Whittington
explained.
     "We... don't like to talk about it," Carlisle added in a
mutter.
     *Thok!* "Damn, just an inch off.  Hold on, I can do
better..."
     A moment later, the wizened face of Myra Lou Poonster
appeared on the module's screen.  She took in the scene with a
single glance, then glared at her cats.  "I can't leave you two
alone for five minutes, can I?" she asked in flawless Japanese.
     "...sorry."

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

     Once the situation was explained and Fushin was extricated
from the wall, Carlilse brought Myra Lou up to date on current
events.  Which wasn't much, except...
     "And one more thing," she concluded.  "Earlier today I ran
into Macavity."  Whittington gasped.  "He said that Uzume might
be too busy to do anything for a while.  I don't know what he's
up to, but..."
     She trailed off as the ancient Maho Shoujo sighed. 
"Carlisle, I know you're still a bit embarrassed about dunking
the pens..."
     "But-"
     "And I know you have your hands full trying to find new
recruits..."
     "You don't-"
     "But give it a rest!  There is no such person as Macavity! 
He doesn't exist!"
     "Yes, he does!"
     "Then why hasn't anyone but the two of you ever seen him?"
     The two cats were silent.
     "I don't want to hear any more about this.  Get the job
done.  I'm counting on you."
     The console flickered out, and Carlisle turned around,
frowning thoughtfully."
     "Who's Macavity?" Sachiko asked.
     Whittington cleared his throat.  "He's, sort of, one of us. 
A talking cat."
     "He's an amoral, untrustworthy beast who doesn't care about
anyone but himself!" Carlisle snapped.
     Fushin nodded.  "Typical cat, in other words."
     As the black cat shredded the salaryman's socks and Sachiko
giggled, Whittington shook his head.  "We've run into him a few
times.  It's always hard to say whose side he's on - he doesn't
seem to care about right and wrong, only about having fun... on a
big scale."
     "So why did he give Carlisle information?" Sachiko wondered.
     Despite the evidence of anime, cats cannot blush... or
rather, if they do, you can't tell because it's hidden by their
fur.  Particularly black cats.  "He, well... ahem... he... likes
me."
     "Ooooooo."  Sachiko said, in a singsong voice, "Carly's got
a BOY-friend!  Carly's got a BOY-friend!"
     "Oh, stop it."

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

     Uzume sat on her throne (not THAT one), moping slightly.  It
wasn't fair!  He said it was sooooo good, but now she needed to
figure out a villain for the show.
     What possible enemy could she think up for a Dark Queen and
her legion of loyal youma?
     After a few hours of thought, the idea came to her. 
"Ninjas!"  But she discarded this as being too silly.
     Finally she had a GOOD idea, and summoned Shiryo.  Who was
not a happy camper.  "All right, what do you want and how much
will it cost?" he asked testily.
     "I need," she told him, "a talent scout.  Someone to hire
would-be actresses from schools."
     "Why?"
     "Why else?  To use as bad guys!"  Her smile turned vicious. 
"And everyone knows the bad guys ALWAYS lose!  Oh, I'm gonna have
FUN with this!"

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

     The window was locked, but that didn't matter.  The sleek
yet scruffy cat materialized inside, glancing around curiously.
     Even though the lights were out, there was enough to make
out a general impression of pinkness.  Heart-shaped pillows,
stuffed animals, cheerful wallpaper... the room was silent, but
Macavity could just about hear the word 'Wai!' ringing out bright
and clear.
     The smallish figure on the bed shifted slightly, and he
sniffed the air.  Just as he'd thought - Destiny written all over
her.
     Carly and Whitless could rant and rail about them all they
wanted, but Macavity preferred the junior high-aged girls.  So
much energy and potential...
     He grinned down at the sleeping figure.  "Hey, kid," he
crooned quietly.  "You and me, we're gonna have FUN."

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
FIN

Tune in next time to see Tallis say...

"NO!  Not my chafing dish!  ANYTHING but that!"

...or maybe not.

                   =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

AUTHOR'S NOTES

     Not my longest bit of writing, and a bit late.  Sorry 'bout
that - too much going on.  But it's done - I hope you like it!