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 SENSHI MUYO

 Episode 3 - Just Don't Call Me Collect!!
 by Kate Malloy

 Original concept by Mervyn the Wonder Slug, (c) 1999

 Hosted by Indie Madnesse
 (http://www.students.rhodes.edu/~knoke/indie/indie.html)
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Nishida Sachiko, like many teenagers, had a problem.  What she wanted to do with 
her life and what her parents wanted her to do were two entirely different 
things.  Her parents wanted her, when she came of age, to continue on in the 
fine family tradition of joining the circus.  Sachiko, meanwhile, wanted to go 
to school, work hard, and get a nice job in an office somewhere.  A nice, 
ordinary job.  Not one that involved dancing on the backs of elephants; swinging 
through the air and being caught by a guy wearing pink tights; or trying to cram 
herself, along with fifteen other people, into a car the size of a small dog.

She listened intently to the sound behind her.  Yes, she was still being 
followed.  Smiling grimly, she prepared herself.  As much as she hated her 
parents' insistence that she join the family business (and the white paint and 
squeaky noses they insisted on wearing around the house), she had to admit that 
the knife-throwing lessons came in handy.

"Haah!" she yelled as she whirled around, tossing the knives in a pattern that 
would precisely pin her stalker to the nearby signboard.  Except that...there 
was no one there.

"I say, how rude," a feminine voice called from below her.

Sachiko looked down, and freaked out.  "A cat?  I'm being stalked by a talking 
cat?"  Then she considered that it was just the sort of thing that her older 
brother, happily settled in the family circus as a ventriloquist, would do.  
"Okay, Takashi, this isn't funny.  You can come out.  Don't you have better 
things to do?"

"Who's Takashi?" the cat asked.

"My brother.  My stupid brother, who's hiding somewhere around here, trying to 
scare me!" she called out, looking around for him.

"Your brother isn't here," the cat insisted.  "I really am a talking cat."

"Mmm hmm.  Sure.  And I'm the Princess Garnet of the Kingdom of Celestial 
Jubilation."

"Actually, I believe that you just might be.  Or someone like that."

Sachiko started.  "You...you're not joking, are you?"

The cat shook her head.  "No, I'm not.  Here, take this."  From out of nowhere, 
the cat produced what looked like a legal document.  (Aren't Mystical Advisor 
Powers handy?)

Sachiko took it and began to read it.  "This document proclaims that Sachiko 
Nishida is the possessor of one (1) Mystical Destiny..."  She tore it up.  
"Please.  Mystical Destiny.  Give me a break."  Tossing the torn-up document 
back at the cat, she walked over to the signboard to retrieve her knives.  "Save 
it for someone who cares, cat, okay?"

She turned to walk away, but was stopped by two words from the cat.  "You care."

Sachiko whirled around.  "All right, that does it.  Exactly what do you want 
with me?"

"Come with me, Nishida-san.  I can promise you a most interesting future."

"Interesting?  Hey, I've already got an interesting and extremely weird future 
planned out for me.  Forget it, I just want to be normal!"  With that, Sachiko 
ran off.

Carlisle slumped.  What was it with people and Mystic Destinies lately?  First 
Whittington and that office worker, now this!  Well, she wasn't about to go back 
and face Myra Lou empty-handed.  Not after the transformation pen fiasco.  She'd 
just have to keep after this girl.  Surely she'd come around after a while.

*****

"Well, what do you think?"  Uzume, Dark Queen of Terror and Happiness, proudly 
showed off her new youma legion to her four Generals.

Varese looked at Schein.  Schein looked at Tallis.  Tallis tried to avoid 
looking at Marais, whose preference of eating establishments had just made 
itself clear once again.  Marais looked at Shiryo.  Shiryo cleared his throat.

"Well, they certainly seem happy..." Tallis volunteered.

The room which the Queen, her brother, and her Generals were overlooking was 
filled with four-foot-high creatures whose appearance could best be described as 
a cross between Ewoks and Smurfs.  (Ewoks, despite their general cute furriness, 
do have claws.  And they didn't seem to have any problem with preparing humans 
for dinner.)  The creatures were skipping in unison, back and forth across the 
room.  But the most disturbing thing was the singing.

"Happy!  We are so happy!
 You should be happy too!
 Let's all be happy together!
 Let's all be happy forever!
 Forever and ever and ever!
 Follow our every command!
 And you'll be so happy too!"

"I think they're just wonderful!" Uzume exclaimed, doing Happy Bounce #22.

"I'm not so sure about this," began Shiryo, before Uzume grabbed his braid and 
pulled.  "All right!  All right!  They're the best Legion of Terror and 
Happiness I've ever seen!"

"I'll take them!" Uzume told the manager.  "Pay the man, Shiryo."

Shiryo sighed as he got out his checkbook and wrote a check for an amount that 
contained far too many zeros.

"Uhhh...Your Majesty?" Schein asked.  "How do we control them?  They don't seem 
too inclined to follow orders."

The manager handed him a very large handbook entitled "How to Care for Your 
Youma Legion of Terror and Happiness."  Schein leafed through it, and nearly 
handed it back.  "Uh-uh.  No way are we doing this."

The other Generals crowded around to see exactly what he was referring to.  They 
read it and shook their heads.

"What?" Uzume asked impatiently.  "What is it?"

Wordlessly, Varese pointed to the page.  Uzume took the book and read it.

"It says you have to sing them their orders.  In rhyme.  Now, what's so bad 
about that?" She smiled cutely at the Generals.

"I flunked poetry class," Tallis admitted.

"I'm completely tone-deaf," Schein added.

"I like to sing!" Marais cried cheerfully.  "Oh I'm a General and I'm okay..."  
That was as far as he got before the other three tackled him.

Uzume surveyed the Legion.  "Follow me!  Follow!  To the castle we will go!" she 
sang in a sweet, clear soprano.

At once, the youma stopped skipping.  As one, they turned to face Uzume.

"Follow her!  Follow!  To the castle we will go!" they chorused.

Uzume looked at her Generals.  "See, was that so hard?"

Being the bishounen types that they were, the Generals could only sweatdrop.

*****

The next day, Fushin was in his office precisely at 8:30.  He did a full 
morning's duty organizing the new shipment of X7-9J super-size clips.

At lunch, Yuriko poked her head in his cubicle.  "Ne, Fushin-chan, want to have 
lunch together?"

"I'm sorry, but I must catch up on this paperwork.  It has become so 
disorganized."  Fushin motioned to several perfectly neat stacks of paper on his 
desk.

"Oh..." Yuriko looked disappointed.  "Where's your kitty?"

"The cat?  Well, he's..."

"Oh, there he is!" Yuriko pointed behind him.

(Oh, no,) Fushin thought.  He turned, and sure enough, there was Whittington, 
standing on the top of the cubicle, and fixing him with a most unpleasant stare.

"He's so cuute!  What's his name?" Yuriko asked as Whittington nimbly leapt off 
the top of the cubicle, walked over to her, and rubbed himself against her leg, 
purring all the way.

"Whittington," Fushin answered flatly.

"That's a very interesting name.  Nice to meet you, Whittington-kun."  Yuriko 
rubbed his head.  Whittington gave his cutest meow.  "Well, I'll get going now!  
See you later!"  She walked off.

Fushin went back to his paperwork.

"You know, she's got a really nice..." Whittington began, but Fushin waved a 
hand to silence him.

"Enough.  I don't know why you came back here.  I thought I made it clear that I 
wanted no part of whatever Mystical Destiny business you were involved in."

"Aww, c'mon, don't be mad at me!"  Whittington jumped up onto Fushin's desk, 
knocking over one of the stacks of paper.  "Look at this face.  Can you be mad 
at this cute little face?"

"I can," answered Fushin.  "You have just ruined a whole hour's work."

Whittington grinned evilly.  "Oh, does this bother you?"  He knocked another 
stack over with his tail.

Fushin gritted his teeth.  "Please stop that."

Whittington ignored him, and went after another stack.

"I said stop that!"

Whittington unsheathed his claws, and headed for the remaining stack of papers.

"No!  Stop!  Don't do that!  I'll...I'll do whatever you want me to!  Just leave 
that alone!"

*****

"Yamada-san," one of Fushin's co-workers said to his boss, "Takusan-kun is 
yelling at a cat in his office."

Yamada blinked.  "That's...all right," he said hesitantly.

The man made a mental note that perhaps that job offer from the Yamamoto company 
was worth looking into after all.

*****

After lunch, Yuriko poked her head into Fushin's cubicle.  "Ne, Fushin-chan, 
check out this neat vase I bought when I went shopping during lunch break...Oh, 
he's not here.  I'll have to show him later."

She returned to her cubicle, set the vase down on her desk, and went off to 
Xerox something.  Thus, no one was around to see the vase turn an eerie shade of 
green for just a moment.

*****

"Y'know, Fushin, it'd probably be best if you took a little vacation from work.  
How much vacation time have you got?" Whittington asked as the two walked back 
to Fushin's apartment.

Fushin shrugged.  "Four years' worth, I suppose."

Whittington nearly collapsed.  "Four *years*?!"

"That is how long I have been working with the company," Fushin stated.

Whittington swore.  "You never took even one day off?"

"I saw no need to."

Whittington shook his head.  Boy, did he have his work cut out for him with this 
one...

*****

"Tadaima!" Sachiko called as she entered her house.  She found her mother 
hanging upside-down from the ceiling, and groaned in exasperation.

"How was your day, dear?" her father asked, walking into the room on his hands.

Sachiko just let out a muffled scream and headed for her room.  She didn't come 
out until her mother called to her that dinner was ready.

Dinner at the Nishida residence was always interesting.  Food was tossed instead 
of passed, thus improving the recipient's hand-eye coordination and juggling 
skills.  Takashi always brought his dummy, Foofoo-san, to the table, and had 
conversations with it.

Tonight, Sachiko just watched the usual proceedings in dismay.  She didn't say 
anything, didn't ask for any food, and just stared at the rest of her family.

"Sachiko-chan, you're awfully quiet today," Takeshi said.

"Yeah, did something bad happen to you?" Foofoo-san added.

"I met a talking cat who told me I had some sort of Mystical Destiny," Sachiko 
replied.  She might as well be completely honest with them.

Her family stared at her.  Then they all began to laugh.

"Talking cats!  Mystical Destiny!  That's really good, Sachiko!" Takashi 
chuckled.

"What?  What's so strange about it?  It's not any weirder than the rest of you!" 
Sachiko cried angrily.  "In fact, maybe I'm better off with that cat than here!"  
She got up from the table abruptly.  "I'm leaving now!  Goodbye!"  She ran out 
the door.

Once outside, she stopped to catch her breath.  She always did this.  It seemed 
like every week she tried to run away from joining the circus.  But maybe this 
time she should mean it.

"I was wondering how long it would take you," came a voice from near her feet.

Sachiko jumped.  "Yaah!"  She looked down.  "Cat!  Don't scare me like that."

"I have a name, you know," the cat replied.  "It's Carlisle."

"Umm, okay."

"So, you've reconsidered my offer?"

Sachiko shrugged.  "It's fairly obvious that I'll never have a chance at 
normality now.  So it might as well be the abnormality that I choose rather than 
some abnormality chosen for me."

"Good.  Shall we be off?"  She turned and began to walk away.  Sachiko followed.

*****

Meanwhile, back at Queen Uzume's Castle of Happiness and Terror (or whatever it 
is she was calling it these days), the Queen was preparing to put her plans into 
action.

"Varese!  Get me the numbers of the big local TV stations!  Schein, put me in 
contact with the toy manufacturing companies!"  She performed Happy Bounce #56.  
"This is going to be so wonderful!"

*****

There are places that no person in their right mind would ever want to go to.  
Places filled with horrifying creatures from one's worst nightmares, terrors 
that defied description, and lots of IRS auditors.

The Doom 'n Gloom Bar and Grill was one such place.  It was there that Dark 
Queens Yasha and Nyx had gone to console themselves after their recent defeats.

The two sat at the bar.  There was no outward animosity between them, despite 
the fact that their youma hordes had just gone toe-to-toe recently.  The 
conversation had mainly been about problems with their Generals, the latest Dark 
Fashion Tips, and Dark Queen Mara's latest ex-husband.

"So then she..." Nyx began, when suddenly a silence fell over the bar.

In the doorway stood a figure shrouded in darkness.  Then the lightbulb (which 
had been flickering all night) came back on.

Nyx and Yasha simultaneously recognized the figure, and got very scared.  
Matters were made worse when the figure recognized them as well, and immediately 
walked over to where they were sitting.

"Prudence..." Yasha stammered.  "How nice to see you.  Good that you've 
recovered, ahh..." She was silenced by a glare from Prudence.

"We didn't really mean anything by that whole castle business," Nyx apologized.

Prudence held up a hand for silence.  "I don't care.  I just got my ass kicked 
by a bunch of smarmy junior-high girls.  I need to get smashed."

If Dark Queens could sweatdrop, Nyx and Yasha would have right then.

WILL FUSHIN FINALLY DISCOVER HIS MYSTIC DESTINY?  IS SACHIKO REALLY THE 
REINCARNATION OF PRINCESS GARNET OF THE KINGDOM OF CELESTIAL JUBILATION?  WILL 
UZUME'S NEW YOUMA OF HAPPINESS AND TERROR BECOME THE NEXT BIG HIT?  WILL THE 
OTHER DARK QUEENS BAND TOGETHER?  HOW PLASTERED WILL PRUDENCE GET?  WHAT DOES 
MYRA LOU THINK OF ALL THIS?  WHAT DOES UZUME AND SHIRYO'S FAMILY THINK OF ALL 
THIS?

Find out in the next episode of Senshi Muyo!, in which Sachiko practices her 
knife-throwing skills by doing her best William Tell impersonation, with Fushin 
being the one with the apple on his head.  Or maybe not.

*****

Author's Notes: Shorter than I wanted, and I didn't get a chance to work 
everything in that I was originally planning to.  Hopefully silly without being 
too lame it is.  Suffering from a lack of inspiration am I.  Talking like Yoda 
am I.  Stop it I must.

That's better.  Anyhow, apologies for the lateness.  Mervyn, thanks for being 
understanding, and I hope I didn't mangle the story too much. ^_^

Kate, taking a break from Improing for a while