"And He asked him, 'What is thy name?' and he answered, saying, 'My 
name is Legion, for we are many.'"
-The Gospel of Mark 5:9

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, and 
I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish 
things."
-I Corinthians 13:11

"When the city burns down
I'm gonna go to Disney World,
World, World, World, World"
-El-P, "Dead Disnee"

"This is for kids worried about the apocalypse...
*DO* something, and stop talking shit."
-El-P

Cancel the apocalypse
cartons of the milky way with pictures of a missing planet
last seen in pursuit of an American dream
this fool actually thinks he can drive his hummer on the moon
-Saul Williams, "Penny For A Thought"

===

[Hidden Bug #13204 Transmission]

"So, I was talking my psy-*hic*-hic, right? And she saysh... she 
saysh... she says to *hic* bomb... she wash like, 'Bomb Damashcus!' 
and I was like *hic* 'Who?!'"

"Look, Mr. President, we don't have time for-"

"Shut 'p, Shtiletto. Ah'm ta'k... talker... enunciating h're. 'nyway, 
I *hic* asked my Joint Chee... Chi... I asked my *hic* army guy 'When 
can we bomb Damascus?' and and and and he *hic* said-"

A splat here, as of a face falling into a plate of food.

"'Bout time. Ink, I thought I *told* you to keep him away from 
alcohol!"

"Blame Jacques! I didn't give it to him!"

"Jacques?! Who's that?!"

"His French butler. He's really good at what he does, believe it or 
not."

"...pray tell, where... *exactly* did the President get a French 
butler, R.E.D. Ink?"

"He came with the French maid."

"...Ink, you stupid *twit*."

[---]

The Geistenkinder. The spirits of murder children made flesh. Revenge 
was their only aim. Revenge on the world that ignored them, revenge 
on the adults that spawned them, revenge on the society that couldn't 
protect him, and revenge on the family that destroyed them.

That plan was going quite well, at least up to the point that the 
summons pierced the bubble and went off into space. Though it wasn't 
readily apparent, that was the point when everything went wrong.

To Statue-Rache, however, none of this mattered. He was forty feet 
tall. He was strong. He could knock over buildings with a flick of 
the wrist.

It was time to play Godzilla.

======================================
New Haven 
--------------------------------------
the second-happiest place in the world

Scene 1-12: Requiem: A Reckoning in
                       Three Parts

Movement One: Entropy

by David "black dub" Brothers
--------------------------------------

Contrary to popular belief, not everything mystical has its origin in 
the metaphysical. Some things happen by Fortune, and still others are 
caused by various unearthly powers.

The Geistenkinder were one seemingly mystical entity/entities that 
had its origin approximately three astronomical units beyond the 
planet Pluto. Herein was the planet Dadams. It was a small, 
thoroughly cold planet. It was once inhabited by a race of slug-like, 
super-intelligent, murderous aluminum-based lifeforms. They had 
happened to pass over New Haven at around the same time that Stephan 
Carroll was in the midst of his madness.

They noticed an opportunity, and planted a seed.

This seed delayed Carroll's first victim's death by milliseconds, but 
it was enough. Instead of a human, Carroll killed a duplicate that 
was mentally linked to the boy. The shock of experiencing death, 
without actually dying, killed the boy. However, the duplicate would 
live on, in a kind of limbo, gathering souls and waiting for the 
right time to awaken. The Dadamites gave him the ability to awaken 
once certain conditions were met, and at that point, the Dadamites 
would come back to earth and destroy all life. They implanted in the 
duplicate a deep-seated hatred of all human life, and a modicum of 
power hunger as well.

The Dadamites had never experienced death, mainly because there was 
nothing powerful enough to kill them. However, they had inflicted 
death often in their travels. They'd demolished entire galaxies with 
their seed. When the boy fully awakened, the Dadamites would have 
their orgy of murder.

Just like the best laid plans of mice and men, the Dadamites were 
viciously slaughtered by the cosmic equivalent of a gigantic 
octopus-billed platypus about two weeks before the duplicate, Rache, 
fully awoke.

Thus, Rache's summons was met with the Dadamite version of an 
answering machine. The general gist was this.

"Hi, we're guessing that you are calling to tell us that we can come 
and kill every living thing on your planet. The problem is, something 
out on the plains is already killing *us*. Rapidly, in fact. So, 
we're gonna have to cut you loose. I mean, we have death here right 
*now*, so we don't really need your help. Have fun in the rest of 
your life. Oh yeah, most likely, you chose some huge statue, or 
building, or whatever it is that you little humans worship to merge 
with. That will last roughly twenty minutes. It's just a little 
fail-safe we slapped in, just in case you got too big for your 
britches. I think that's about it... and judging by the twenty-third 
dimensional screams outside this door, I'm about to die too."

Fortune and Disaster met up with Fortune's niece, Misfortune, and her 
husband, Irony, and got blitzed at the local pub.

Hi ho.

[---]

"Look, Charlie," said Karen, "this is *not* the way to Kramer's 
shop."

Charlie thought for a moment before answering. "Karen, do you 
remember that large hole in the ground that we passed roughly twenty 
minutes ago? It was about three miles long and very deep?"

"...yes."

"That was directly in the way of our path. So, we need to go around 
it."

"Charlie, we're walking in what looks like chicken guts. Why couldn't 
we go the other way?"

"...I didn't think about that."

Johnny, who was being carried over Charlie's shoulder, suddenly 
awoke. "Whazza? What's that sme-urk!"

"Karen, do you have to hit him in the face with that gun every time 
he wakes up?"

"Yes." Charlie sighed and walked on. Sometimes, his sister could be a 
real handful. Of course, that huge statue from the park stomping 
around behind them was also a bit of a handful.

[---]

Alicia and Michael Lime were still in the park. They watched in awe 
as Rache finished his bizarre ritual and formed with the statue of 
Stephan Carroll. They watched in awe as the Statue-Rache knocked over 
a few buildings, tossed a few trees around, and generally threw a 
temper tantrum on a grand scale. Then, they watched in fear as 
Statue-Rache turned its attention to them.

[---]

Statue-Rache noticed a little bit of movement down on the ground near 
his feet. He squinted a bit. These stone eyes were a pain to get used 
to. He finally figured out that those things down there were 
*people*. No... even better. They were *adults*.

Statue-Rache would have smiled, had his hard stone face allowed him 
to do so. Instead, he picked up a mausoleum and got ready to throw it 
at them.

That was when he exploded in a shower of stone and children.

[---]

Alicia and Michael watched this entire affair with trepidation. When 
Statue-Rache exploded, Michael screamed. When the sky began raining 
children, Alicia's motherly instincts took over. She caught one of 
the falling babies, to Michael's amazement. A teenager landed in the 
small of Michael's back right then, sending Michael sprawling to the 
ground.

"Awww," said Alicia, "they're so *cute*!"

Michael wondered how she could be so calm in a situation like this. 
Then he wondered why the heck a teenager had just fallen on him. 
What's more, he wondered why the kid who had just fallen on him 
*disappeared* into the ether.

[---]

About four miles behind and to the right of Charlie, Karen, 
and the unconscious Johnny, Casey the dog trudged onward. He'd been 
searching for his master for a good while now, but he had faith that 
he would find the master soon. He'd narrowly avoided a giant man 
covered in fur who smelled like danger. The woman with that man 
smelled strange to Casey. He was nearby when the giant alligator 
exploded, and so got to see all the entertaining animal hybrids that 
popped up in the aftermath. Casey had chased the ten foot 
cat/squirrel monster up a tree... twice... and had thoroughly shown 
the mobile fire hydrant, which actually breathed fire, who was boss.

But, the dead creature in front of Casey was puzzling. It was shaped 
roughly like a man, if you ignored the fact that it had three heads 
and one arm, but it *smelled* like food. It was even steaming like 
the scraps of people food that the female master used to toss to him. 
The problem was, the monster was still twitching, at least, a little 
bit. That meant that it could still be alive. But, Casey sure was 
*hungry*.

While Casey was sniffing around the monster and trying to decide 
whether to eat it or to go and get help for it, the monster made the 
mistake of stopping its motion. Of course, it didn't have much of a 
choice, being dead and all, but still. It's the principal. Once Casey 
saw that the monster was dead, he ventured a taste. It was slightly 
overdone and would probably be a bit tough to chew, but it was food. 
As a matter of fact, it tasted a good deal like ground beef.

Casey took a chance and snuck a bite. The monster didn't react to 
losing its pound of flesh, so to speak, so Casey went on. Just before 
Casey could take his third bite, however, a very young boy and girl 
dropped out of the sky, screaming, and landed on the dog's meal.

Now, Casey was a very trained dog, and knew when he was doing 
something that he wasn't supposed to be doing. He also knew the 
punishment for doing what he wasn't supposed to be doing. 'Let's 
see... eating a dead monster that had most likely killed people is 
probably pretty high on that list of "Don't Do This, Dog,"' is what 
Casey would have thought if he was human. Alas, he wasn't human, so 
he thought the next best thing. 'Oh crap.' So, being the smart dog 
that he is, he took off running as fast as he could.

The little girl and boy watched him run off, fascinated. They stood 
up from the ground and looked around. New Haven had changed a lot 
since they had last seen it. Some things remained the same, however. 
Young love, inexperienced though it may be, was one of those things.

The boy shyly reached over and yanked hard on the girl's hair. The 
girl kicked the boy square in the crotch. As the boy fell to the 
ground gasping, he handed her a note. It read: 'Do you love me? Check 
the box: []Yes []No []Maybe.' The girl smiled. She helped the 
now-limping boy to his feet and kissed him on his cheek. The boy 
managed to work up the nerve to give her a hug.

As they hugged in the moonlight, they faded to a translucent blue and 
disappeared.

The Geistenkinder were reappearing.

[---]

Jebdorn was leaping from rooftop to rooftop, Sapphia in his arms. He 
knew this really romantic building, it was near the park and had all 
kinds of skeletons and things. He figured that she would appreciate 
it. She was keeping a running commentary of compliments for him, and 
insults for Harlukia, as they went along. She was really good at 
boosting Jebdorn's fragile male ego. Monster or not, he had needs. 
Sapphia seemed like the only one who understood that. His animals 
were great and all, sure, but they didn't understand what it was like 
to be *people*.

Jebdorn had been lonely for years. *Years*. So, we should probably 
excuse his momentary lapse of common sense. He basically welcomed 
someone who had once shared the bed of his greatest enemy into his 
parlor. Jebdorn was... well, he wasn't *very* far from stupid, but he 
was *not* stupid. In legalese, this would be called a 'temporary 
leave of faculties.' Most people would call it thinking with Jebdorn 
Jr.

Not to say that Jebdorn was in any danger. He wasn't. At least, not 
directly. However, Sapphia would not turn out to be the woman he 
thought she would be.

Whatever the case, Jebdorn had made a mistake and didn't even know it 
yet.

[---]

Marty *knew* that one of the Jaws of Death was still loose. He just 
didn't know where. He had five of them, and that had to count for 
something. Well... one of them was missing a few limbs, but still. 
Four and a half.

He had to find that last monster. Left uncontrolled, it would most 
likely go berserk. Of course, berserk was basically its usual way of 
life, but still. He *had* to find it. Marty packed up his briefcase 
and called the Jaws of Death to follow him. It was time to retrace 
his steps. That meant... going back to where the Mole was last seen.

The five Jaws of Death under his control fell into step behind him.

[---]

Harlukia sat in the lobby of a particularly plush hotel that had 
managed to escape the widespread destruction the rest of the town 
experienced. His Jaws of Death sat in front of him, dormant for the 
moment.

These things were damn hard to control.

[---]

Disaster sat in its office, hung-over and pleasing itself on a job 
well done. New Haven might as well be toast. Just as Disaster began 
to drink some coffee, The Fates, Disaster's immediate supervisors, 
kicked in his door.

They looked pissed.

======================================
New Haven 
--------------------------------------
where things might be as they seem

Scene 1-12: Requiem: A Reckoning in
                       Three Parts

Movement Two: Revolving Doors

by David "black dub" Brothers
--------------------------------------

"Mr. President," said Stiletto, "we need to talk. While you were in 
your drunken stupor, do you realize that you called the Prime 
Minister of Canada and said that you would declare war if he didn't 
deliver three thousand bagels to your doorstep by 3 a.m.?"

"S'nce ah'm st'll drunnnnnk 'n all, I d'n't th'nk that ah do." The 
President sat heavily down in his chair and stared at his hands. 
Being drunk was... different from all the tranquilizers they had kept 
him under. It made him feel... happy. It made him feel like... 
singing. He knew *just* the song. "Oh, show me, the wayyyyyyyy, to 
the next, wh'sky bar! Noooo, d'n't ask why, oh don't 'sk why! F'r, if 
we don't f'nd thenextwh'skybar, I t'll you we must die! I tell you we 
must die!"

"Okay, look, that's *it*. Ink, tranq him." Stiletto stepped back 
while Jacques moved next to the President and injected a good 'n 
healthy dose of the usual morphine/tylenol/muscle relaxer/nyquil 
cocktail, which immediately quieted the President. "Wait, Jacques?! 
Why are you still here? Security!"

"Ah, non, Stiletto. You don't want to do that." Jacques grinned and 
pulled a microcassette recorder out of his jacket pocket. He pressed 
play, and a replayed a conversation that had been recorded September 
29, 2001. Stiletto paled.

"Fine," Stiletto said.

Jacques pursed his lips in thought. "We need to talk, you and I. I 
will stay here, until my job is finished. Feel free to try and 
eliminate me, but if you fail, I will expose you. Also, there are 
some things I would like for you to go get me from the grocery store. 
We do not have good French food here. That is *unacceptable*. I have 
a list, of sorts." Jacques reached into his jacket pocket once again 
and pulled out a receipt from Billy's HOT HOT HOT Video Store. "Er, 
this is *not* the list. Just give me a second."

[---]

Harlukia was getting frustrated. This monster used some strange blend 
of technology and magic, and it was a bit tough trying to get a 
handle on it. So far, the only thing the monster did was beat the 
living crud out of a potted plant. Harlukia sighed.

"Stupid creature."

Suddenly, the doors to the hotel were flung open. Three figures stood 
in the sunlight, their features obscured by a vagary of the light. 
Harlukia, understandably frustrated and stressed out, shouted the 
first thing that came to mind. "DIE!" he yelled. A blur shot past him 
before he knew what was happening. Then, there were two and 
two-thirds figures there. One of the figures was missing a head.

Harlukia stopped in mid-leap and played over the last few seconds 
over in his mind. Doors flung open? Check. Frustrated shouting? 
Check. Jaws of Death rushing past me and twisting the head off one of 
those guys over there? ...whoa. Harlukia looked over at the door and 
saw the Jaws of Death holding the other two men in a death grip. 
Harlukia smiled.

"Boss," said one of the men. "It's us! It's us!"

Harlukia frowned. 'Boss?' He didn't remember creating any henchmen... 
oh. "Let them go!" Harlukia shouted, and the Jaws of Death did so. 
'Voice activated,' Harlukia thought. 'Neat trick.' Harlukia cleared 
his throat and waited for an explanation.

His flunkies looked back at him, clueless.

Harlukia sighed again. Tonight was not looking very good. 
"Explanation. Now."

"Oh!" said the head on the ground. "Doug, tell him what happened. I 
have to put myself back together." True to his word, the body-less 
vampire's body began rooting around on the ground, attempting to find 
its head.

"Well, uh, Mr. Harlukia, sir, the night you made us?" began Doug. "We 
went to this really cool place afterward to celebrate. It was me, 
Kevin there," he indicated the vampire who was still currently 
without a head, "and Adam." Adam nodded. "There was dancing, women, 
wine, everything. So, we slaughtered everyone inside and drank their 
blood. All in all, a fun night. What we didn't know is that all of 
the people there were inebria... inbre... drunk. I mean, really, 
really, drunk. We should have tasted the alcohol in their veins, but 
you know how it gets sometimes, bloodlust and all."

Harlukia nodded knowingly. "Continue."

"Well, long story short, we got drunk. Wasted drunk." Harlukia sighed 
and began to speak, but Doug interrupted. "We flew around town for a 
while, then we found this guy in a tattoo parlor. He was hiding, 
scared brainless, you know how that goes. We got him to give us 
tattoos." Adam turned around and showed Harlukia a tattoo on the back 
of his neck. It said 'Cera' in a script that looked like first-grade 
cursive. Doug flexed his bicep, and showed Harlukia the tattoo that 
said 'Patricia.' Kevin's body turned around and mooned Harlukia, 
showing the tattoo that said 'Jim.' Harlukia rolled his eyes.

"Pray tell, who exactly are Cera, Patricia and... Jim?" Harlukia 
asked.

"Well," said Kevin's head, "we don't know. But, it seemed like a good 
idea at the time." Kevin grinned, showing off vampire fangs.

Harlukia sighed yet again. "Is there anything else I should... what's 
wrong with Adam's mouth?"

Doug looked down at the ground and kicked at the dirt. "We kinda... 
sorta... sewed it shut. He gets loud when he's drunk, you know? Loud 
enough to wake the dead."

"Mmph," agreed Adam.

"Don't worry boss," said Doug. "He can still feed. He has little 
teeth in his hands now that can suck blood. It's *really* cool, 
believe it or not."

Harlukia sat down. This was going to be a long night. The Jaws of 
Death roared when Kevin's body goosed it. "Oops," said Kevin's head. 
"That's not me. Heh heh."

"Say, uh, boss..." began Doug.

"What?" growled the vampire.

"Weren't we going to go and kill Jebdorn, or something? I mean, 
before we got bitten."

[---]

AFter running away from the various Jaws of Death stalking around the 
city, Father Gregory Bruno and Father Johnathan Edgewood ended up 
sitting in Coltrane Park. There were very few of Jebdorn's animals 
prancing about. Of course, that was probably due to the huge statue 
of Stephan Carroll that was ripping things up across the way.

The statue exploding really didn't surprise the clergymen. They'd 
been through a good bit during their short stay in New Haven. What 
*did* surprise them was what came streaming down from the sky *after* 
it exploded. A group of eleven ghostly children floated to the 
ground, carrying the body of Archbishop Luccini. Another kid came 
streaming down to the ground after them, and landed with a hard thud. 
The eleven placed Luccini at the foot of the pedestal where the 
statue once was and turned towards the lone boy. The boy looked at 
them with a truculent gleam in his eyes.

"What?" Rache said. The smallest child stepped forward out of the 
group and stared at Rache. Rache shrugged. "It seemed like a good 
idea. Summon otherworldly powers, become a huge city-destroying 
statue, have some fun." The child stared back at the older 
Geistenkinder. "Um..."

"You fooled us, Rache," the child said. "You said that we would get 
revenge *your* way. You said it would work."

"Well, uh... I kinda lied. Us kids do that, y'know? You kids were 
stupid enough to believe me, so... um."

The little boy's eyed narrowed. "Guys?" The rest of the Geistenkinder 
looked up from Archbishop Luccini. "Get 'im." What followed could 
only be described as a metaphysical beatdown, as the eleven children 
beat the unliving snot out of the older spirit. After it was over 
there was nothing left of Rache, only a wisp of translucent blue 
smoke. The younger child turned to Bruno and Edgewood, who thought 
that they were well-hidden in the bushes. "We will leave you be, for 
now. We have yet to achieve our revenge, so watch your back." All 
eleven of the children flipped the clergy the finger, and faded away.

"Well..." began Edgewood. "What now?"

"Now," said Bruno, "we check on Archbishop Luccini!"

"There's no need for that!" shouted a female voice. Edgewood and 
Bruno looked up, and saw a furry man dropping down towards them, 
carrying a woman in a nurse's outfit in his arms.

Sapphia looked down towards the priests and smiled. Now was the time. 
Jebdorn had the decency to look confused.

[---]

Alicia and Michael looked on as Sapphia walked towards the priests. 
When she began speaking, Alicia realized who she was.

"Michael, c'mon. We have to *go*. Now!"

======================================
New Haven 
--------------------------------------
where you get what you don't 
wish for

Scene 1-12: Requiem: A Reckoning in
                       Three Parts

Movement Three: 'My name is Legion,
                  for we are many.'

by David "black dub" Brothers
--------------------------------------

The President opened his eyes and saw only blurry forms. "Mr. 
President... are you awake?" asked R.E.D. Ink.

"Y-yes, Ink. Why am I tied up again?" asked the President.

"We ran into some problems, sir."

"Oh," said the President. That was no surprise. "What kind of 
problems?"

"You got drunk." Stiletto. Figures.

"Ah, *really* drunk, sir." Jacques. Why was he here? Today was 
supposed to be his day off.

"That's all in the past now. If you could just sign this paper..." 
Stiletto.

"What is it?" asked the President.

"An order to send the Marines into New Haven by way of the docks."

"Oh."

[---]

"Charlie, this is *not* the right way. We heading back towards the 
park."

"I know, Karen. The other way was too dangerous. That would've led 
into the New Haven marsh. This way is going to be quicker anyway."

"What's over there?"

"I'd guess alligators. Big ones. Probably a few zombies, too. Some 
people have died over there, so they might have come back to life. 
Unlife, anyway."

"Mmhm," began Johnny. "Why does my head hurt so-gurk!"

"Look, Karen, stop that. You're gonna permanently damage his brain. 
Plus, that's Assault and Battery. Police Brutality, even."

"See if I care."

[---]

Harlukia had been heading towards Jebdorn's last known location as of 
the night of his awakening. Coltrane Park. Surpisingly, on the way 
there, he ran into Alicia and Michael, who were rapidly running in 
the other direction. Kevin, his head reattached, albeit off-center, 
grabbed them as they tried to run past. He got a girlish scream from 
Michael, and a swift kick in the cojones from Alicia.

"Boss, I'm in pain! Pain!" Kevin desperately shouted.

Harlukia shrugged his shoulders. "Being a vampire doesn't make you 
impervious to pain."

"What does that mean?"

"...it means that things hurt."

After getting that settled, the three vampires, a Jaws of Death, and 
their two hostages continued on the way to Coltrane Park, followed by 
a steady stream of curses from Alicia. Michael looked at her. "Feisty 
girl," he muttered. Harlukia turned around, rubbing a bruise on the 
back of his head.

"You have *no* idea."

[---]

Sapphia looked at the three bound and gagged priests that were 
sitting in front of her. "I don't know why you fellows are here, but 
you will serve my purpose quite well." Sapphia began setting up 
various sticks and objects on the ground in a circle around the three 
priests.

"What... is the... meaning of this?" gasped out Archbishop Luccini. 
He'd been through quite a lot. His body could only take so much 
punishment before it failed entirely.

"Wait and see, Father. Wait and see." Sapphia cackled quite 
disturbingly.

"Sapphia... what're we doing?" asked Jebdorn. "I thought we were 
going to-"

"Jebby-poo," interrupted Sapphia, "just hold on. I just want to take 
care of a little bit of revenge, then we can have our fun, okay? 
Okay."

Sapphia turned back toward the priests. "Now. What were those words, 
again?" Sapphia's eyes began to glow a bright white as she started 
speaking in an alien tongue. The very sound of it nearly sent the 
priests into fits of madness. Instead, Father Bruno fainted, Edgewood 
wet his pants, and Archbishop Luccini began to gibber. Loudly.

Her task done, Sapphia stepped back and waited. This kind of thing 
always took some time. Jebdorn walked off to wait, leaning on a tree.

[---]

Charlie and Karen stumbled through the lush jungle that was once 
Coltrane Park. Karen was positively skittish. She remembered being 
tied up by the spiders quite vividly. It was not an experience she 
wanted to repeat. Charlie was merely apprehensive. Johnny seemed to 
be getting caught on every loose branch, and one time, when Johnny 
had slipped out of his arms, he had fallen directly on a rock.

Karen looked over at Charlie. He seemed to know where he was going 
pretty well. Karen couldn't see anything in this fog. Plus, her mind 
was on other things. For example, exactly who Johnny Basquain really 
is, and what he really does. ...and why he thought that he could just 
threaten her and get off easy.

[---]

Marty looked down the hole in the warehouse where the Mole was 
located. He *really* didn't want to go down there. He looked back at 
his Jaws of Death. This was the most likely place for the orb to be, 
right? Marty hadn't found it anywhere else... it had to be down 
there, near the Mole.

Time to go into the breach.

[---]

A flash of light alerted the priests that something was going on. 
Something big. They looked around, but could see nothing but Sapphia 
and Jebdorn, waiting patiently, and impatiently, respectively. If 
they had listened, however, they would have heard the quiet clinking 
that chains tend to make, along with soft, whispering footsteps, as 
if someone was walking while wearing leather sandals.

If they had bothered listening, they had no reason to now. The chains 
were loudly audible, and the footsteps becoming much more rapid. 
Suddenly, they stopped. Sapphia looked around, confused. This wasn't 
how it was supposed to go.

Then, a *very* large man dropped down from the sky, landing between 
Sapphia and the priests. He was wearing a tunic made out of some kind 
of animal skin, and it hung down past his knees. His feet were 
covered in what looked like socks made out of the same material. He 
stood at about seven and a half feet tall, vaguely African in 
appearance, heavily muscled, and his hair was covered in short black 
hair. The most striking feature, other than his sheer *size*, were 
the chains. He was covered in chains, as if someone had tried to tie 
him up, and failed. The chains even seemed to be moving of their own 
accord.

"Hey, babe," he said in a gravelly voice. "We're back. Thanks for 
summoning me."

Sapphia smiled.

[---]

Ned sat in a plush chair, sipping some tea with Kramer. They were 
chatting about nothing in particular, when Ned suddenly spat all of 
his tea all over Kramer, the walls, the floor, and the ceiling.

"Ned, what's the matter with you? This is Stygian Tea. It's hard to 
come by!" said Kramer.

"..." began Ned. "..." he elaborated.

"Good grief. Have you gone catatonic again?"

"N-n-n-n-n-n-n-no! I'm... fine. I just felt the presence of someone 
who I used to hang out with. Pretty evil guy, if I remember 
correct-like. Let's just... break out the hard liquor."

"I see nothing wrong with that."

[---]

Disaster sat in its office in a foul mood. Things were not going as 
they should. All Disaster wanted to do was its *job*, which was to 
create disasters. Now, he had to do some stupid 'on the job training, 
because we might have to replace you sometime soon.' Frigging Fates. 
Thought they owned everything...

The door to Disaster's office opened suddenly, and a very pretty 
young thing walked in. Disaster looked at Catastrophe, and smiled. 
This training was looking up.

[---]

Catastrophe did her job well. Just as soon as the newcomer finished 
speaking, Harlukia walked into the clearing, followed by his 
vampires, monster, and hostages. Ten seconds after that, Charlie and 
Karen walked into the clearing, chatting quietly. When Casey the dog 
came barreling in, everyone froze. The Park was absolutely quiet. 
Even the priests had stopped whimpering.

Then the park exploded in a flurry of noise and arguing.

"HARLUKIAAAAAAAA!" shouted Jebdorn.

"YOU!" shouted Harlukia. "What are you doing with Sapphia?"

"What's he doing with me?" screeched Sapphia. "What're you doing with 
that wanton? I thought you were going to kill her!"

"I'm not going to kill Alicia! She's my *consort*!"

"Your *what*?!" yelled Charlie. He dropped Johnny and pushed Harlukia 
in the chest. "You listen here. That's my girlfriend, and--"

"Don't touch me again, *human*."

"What's going on?" asked Johnny. He slowly got to his feet, rubbing 
his head. "My head is killing me."

"Shut up!" shouted Karen. She hit him with a hard right hook, sending 
him to the ground again. "Alicia, are you okay?"

"Don't. Even. Ask," Alicia said darkly.

"I'm okay!" said Michael Lime.

"Ahem," said the newcomer. All eyes turned to him, and all of those 
eyes which were human, widened in fear. Harlukia simply got pissed.

"Who in the name of Tiamat are you?"

"Heh. My name is Legion, for we are many," answered the man.

"Legion, KILL THEM ALL!" shouted Sapphia.

"Will do." Legion reached out and plucked Kevin's head from his 
shoulders, again, and threw it into the bushes. "One down."

"That's NOT FUNNY!" shouted Kevin's head.

Legion ignored it, and turned its attention towards the bound 
priests. "Mm... sacrifices." Three flicks of the chain after, all 
three priests lay on the ground bleeding.

Harlukia hit Legion in the face with a fireball. "Eat that, demon."

Legion spontaneously extinguished himself, and grinned. "This is 
taking too long. We think I should speed this process up." Legion 
turned towards the five humans, plus Casey, who were huddled in a 
group on the outskirts of the clearing.

"Now, sir, you are violating the New Haven Dress Code, Article Four, 
Section Six, Subsection three point four."

Alicia and Karen, respectively, smacked their foreheads. Charlie 
could be *such* a *goober* sometimes. Legion, on the other hand, 
laughed. He sent his chains over towards the humans, wrapped them up, 
and flung them up over the trees in the park and into the night. He 
turned to finish Harlukia and the vampires off, but they were already 
gone.

"Good job, Legion," said Sapphia. She walked over and gave him a peck 
on the cheek. "We've work to do. Revenge is a strict mistress."

Jebdorn sat to the side of all this. He felt used.

[---]

"Kr'mer, p'ss the vodka!"

"Ned, I think you've had enough."

[---]

All of the humans, plus Casey, found themselves sitting in what 
looked like a swamp. In fact, it looked like a swamp because it *was* 
a swamp. Charlie was the first to regain full consciousness. "Casey?" 
he asked. "Is that really you?" Casey barked an affirmative, and 
began licking Charlie's face. "Good dog! You're a *good* *dog*! Oh! 
Alicia!" Charlie ran over to her, Casey on his heels, and roused her 
from unconsciousness. "Alicia, you're okay!"

Off to the side of this, Johnny and Michael were waking up. "Hi," 
Michael said. "Ow. That hurts. I'm Michael Lime. I'm with the Times. 
I'd shake your hand, but my wrist hurts."

Johnny nodded, or did the best approximation of a nod, and tried to 
smile. "I'm Johnny Basquain. I'm... never mind."

Karen had joined Alicia, Charlie, and Casey in their group. The girls 
were weeping, kind of, and Charlie was thinking. "We need to leave 
town. Soon."

"...I guess you're right," said Karen. "But, what if the rest of the 
world is like New Haven? What then?"

"We deal with it," said Johnny. "That's the only thing we can do. 
Karen, why are you looking at me like that? Wait!"

"Karen!" shouted Alicia. "What was that for?"

"He's a bastard," stated Karen.

"...oh."

[---]

"Stiletto, send in the Marines. We want to solve this problem, ASAP."

[fin]

Author's Notes:

Stress.
Stressstressstressstressstress.
Stressssssssssssssssssss.
STRESS!

*Everything* conspired against me writing *anything*.
Hopefully this will turn out okay.

Thanks to my prereaders, even though they got my chapter in bits and 
pieces, and late to boot. Therefore, the last third of this was *not*
preread. My prereaders are, in no particular order:
Jae-chan
Zeroin
Nanashi
h`
...I probably forgot a few. canada.com crashed and all my e-mails
were deleted so... blame canada... dot com.

eh. This should *not* be a case of 'Screw the Next Author,' I just 
killed off the priests, united the humans, and introduced a new foe,
and fux0r3d the Geistenkinder.

I'm tired. I'm sleeping. Look. I'm sleeping. Need sleep. Feh.

twisted metal black dub
sarcasticasfox@canada.com