[A poster of BLINKY (the ghost monster) slams onscreen. He's wearing a white bandana with black kanji reading, "Parties With The Gusto Of His Ancestors."] NARRATOR (OFFSCREEN): This is Jonatan Streith. He requests a Ninja Pope. [A stamp slams on the screen, leaving a mark on the poster reading, "REQUEST GRANTED!" A poster of PINKY (the ghost monster) slams onscreen. He's wearing a white bandana with black kanji reading, "Man With Many Plans, One Can."] NARRATOR (OFFSCREEN): This is Wildfire. He requests ultraviolence and pool cues. [A stamp slams on the screen, leaving a mark on the poster reading, "REQUEST GRANTED!" A poster of INKY (the ghost monster) slams onscreen. He's wearing a white bandana with black kanji reading, "The Boom Boom Room Makes The Tingly."] NARRATOR (OFFSCREEN): This is Zemyla. He requests a group of RPG characters being slaughtered by a random monster. [A stamp slams on the screen, leaving a mark on the poster reading, "REQUEST GRANTED!" A poster of CLYDE (the ghost monster) slams onscreen. He's wearing a white bandana with black kanji reading, "Much Funky Under Waist."] NARRATOR (OFFSCREEN): This is Zeroin. He wants more Meena, more Roxanne, more bunnies and 6 cups of Pocky-Sweage-Wasabi being poured down Jeff's throat by Kayle the OmniBitch. [A stamp slams on the screen, leaving a mark on the poster reading, "REQUEST GRANTED!" Whispering is heard.] NARRATOR (OFFSCREEN): Oh. He also wants a pony. He also wants to be petted on the head and called a good boy. [A stamp slams on the screen, leaving a mark on the poster reading, "REQUEST DENIED!" A poster of SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG slams onscreen. He's wearing black sunglasses.] NARRATOR (OFFSCREEN): This is Shadow The Hedgehog. [Pause.] NARRATOR (OFFSCREEN): He didn't request anything. He just looks really cool. [SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG lowers his sunglasses and winks at the camera, smiling.] ---- [The screen becomes pixelated, increasing until the screen is completely white. The screen then un-pixels to show an ARMORED RABBIT, a RABBIT IN MAGE'S ROBES and a RABBIT IN A GI standing in a churck. They're posing dramatically, facing the camera.] ARMORED RABBIT: Foul monster, your reign of terror is at an end! [Camera switches to show a NINJA POPE in front of the altar. He's wearing a chiffon (y'know... the Pope hat) and a black ninja outfit. He lowers the mask on his mouth.] NINJA POPE (BADLY DUBBED): Jesus died for your sins, but you shall die because you suck! [Camera switches back to the bunnies.] ARMORED RABBIT: Not this time! This time, we have... [All three RABBITS pull pool cues from their outfits and hold them up high. The pool cues glow, and heavenly light shines on the rabbits.] ALL THREE RABBITS: The Holy Pool Cues of Antioch! [Camera switches to a shot of NINJA POPE delivering an uppercut to RABBIT IN A GI.] NINJA POPE (BADLY DUBBED): SAMPSON JAWBREAKER! RABBIT IN A GI: OWWIE! [Camera switches to a shot of NINJA POPE throwing hundreds of rocks, rapid-fire, at RABBIT IN MAGE'S ROBES.] NINJA POPE (BADLY DUBBED): DAVID HUNDRED STONES ATTACK! RABBIT IN MAGE'S ROBES: SWEET BISCUITS AND GRAVY! [Camera switches to a shot of NINJA POPE twisting ARMORED RABBIT's nipples.] NINJA POPE (BADLY DUBBED): Delilah Betrayal Nipple Clamps! ARMORED RABBIT: IT HURTS SO GOOD! [Camera switches to a shot of the altar. RABBIT IN MAGE'S ROBES hits the ground unconscious. His eyes are "X"es. RABBIT IN A GI falls on top of RABBIT IN MAGE'S ROBES, and RABBIT IN A GI's eyes are "X"es. ARMORED RABBIT falls on top of both of them, and his eyes are "X"es, too.] NINJA POPE (BADLY DUBBED, OFFSCREEN): BODYSLAM OF CHRIST! [NINJA POPE bellyflops on the three fallen rabbits. They literally vanish with a large squishing sound. NINJA POPE stands up and dusts himself off.] NINJA POPE (BADLY DUBBED, OFFSCREEN): You are like the whale. But whereas the whale sucked up Jonas, you merely sucked. [NINJA POPE belly-laughs. This, too, is terribly dubbed.] [Fade to black.] ---- An Indie Madnesse Message Board Fic-Inna-Hour-Expo-Fest-o-Rama And Then Some! Super-Deformed Sado-Masochism! Written by W4 With invaluable help from Mirisa Erato and Stephana And you wacky funster readers who keep seeding me with your suggestions, requests and the other frightening things which come out of your twisted minds... ...but hey... who am I to talk, eh? Part The Eighth... ...in which Kayle chews scenery like it were bubble gum... ...by which I mean that he blows bubbles with it and sticks it underneath his school desk, causing the teacher to find it and punish the entire class...nay, the enitre SCHOOL...by banning the use of gum and chalk and the restroom and the letter "t" and... ...woops! 40 minutes left! @_@ ---- [SCENE: The middle of nowhere. The camera is on JEFF's grimacing face. He lets out a growl.] [The camera switches to a shot of KAYLE. Even with the ball gag in his mouth, it's evident that he's grimacing.] [The camera switches back to JEFF's face.] JEFF: Damn you, Kayle. You don't scare me in the slightest! [The camera moves to KAYLE's face.] KAYLE: Only a fool knows no fear in the face of a superior adversary. [The camera moves to JEFF's face.] JEFF: Yeah? Well... [Pause. JEFF turns SD. A vein throbs in his forehead.] JEFF: YOU SUCK! [The camera moves to KAYLE's face.] KAYLE: Heh. YOU should be so lucky. [The camera switches back to SD-JEFF's face.] JEFF: DAMN YOU! [The camera switches to show JEFF, leaping towards KAYLE (whose back is to the camera) and jaws wide open.] JEFF: My vengeance will wait no lon- [The camera switches to show KAYLE's front and JEFF's back. In slow motion, we see KAYLE raise his right hand.] [The camera switches to show JEFF's face as the back of KAYLE's right hand slowly slaps the side of his jaw.] [The camera switches to show KAYLE, in the foreground, as the force of his back-handed slap causes SD-JEFF to skid towards the background in a cloud of dust.] [The camera switches to show JEFF, crawling out of the ground and holding the side of his jaw that KAYLE slapped. He slowly stands up.] JEFF: ...did he just... SLAP ME? [KAYLE seems to teleport onscreen, his back to the camera and facing JEFF. JEFF looks at KAYLE and gasps.] [The camera switches to a shot of JEFF's back. Towering above him is KAYLE, his arms crossed.] KAYLE: I DID slap you, Jeff. I slapped you... [The camera zooms into KAYLE's face.] KAYLE: [darkly] ...like a BITCH! [The camera switches to JEFF's growling face.] JEFF: I'll tear you asunder for that! [The camera switches to show JEFF's and KAYLE's profile. JEFF lunges at KAYLE's neck with intent to bite and tear. KAYLE becomes a blur and then vanishes before JEFF can strike the killing blow. JEFF lands on all fours and turns around.] JEFF: Where did you go? Where are you hiding? [The camera switches to show JEFF's face. He's looking around nervously. Non-SD sweat is coming from his skin.] JEFF: [softly] Damn it, Kayle... where did you g- [We see KAYLE's hand slap the other side of JEFF's jaw. The screen pauses for a moment.] [The camera switches to a far-off view of the horizon. We see a dust cloud with a black dot on the front head from the right side of the screen to the left. A black arrow points at the dot, and the matching label reads, "Jeff."] [The camera switches to show a bruised JEFF sailing in the air. The camera moves to a JEFF's-eye-view as KAYLE teleports in front of the camera and slaps the left side of the camera with his left hand.] [The camera switches to a far-off view of the horizon. We see a dust cloud with a black dot on the front head from the left side of the screen to the right. A black arrow points at the dot, and the matching label reads, "Jeff again."] [The camera switches to show a bruised JEFF sailing in the air. The camera abruptly stops since KAYLE catches JEFF by the torso and holds him. He pulls a bottle out of his chaps.] [The camera switches to a close-up of the bottle. It is a plastic bottle with sickly-green-colored fluid in it. The label on it has a picture of a stick figure vomiting. The kanji on the label reads, "Pocky-Sweage-Wasabi: NOT FOR ANY USE WHATSOEVER, ESPECIALLY NOT FOR INTERNAL USE!" KAYLE's hand turns the bottle upside-down, and the bottle is shoved into JEFF's snout.] [The camera switches to KAYLE holding SD-JEFF and force-feeding him the Pocky-Sweage-Wasabi. SD-JEFF's eyes are wobbling, and the pupils have shrunk. His body is green and wobbly, and his body turns greener with every second until he matches the color of the Pocky-Sweage-Wasabi.] JEFF: Guh... guh... GUH! [When the bottle is empty, KAYLE lets go of SD-JEFF. SD-JEFF stays in midair for a second. Then he floats to the ground like a piece of paper. When he hits the ground, he groans. KAYLE laughs evilly.] [Camera switches to a shot of KAYLE's face. His eyes narrow.] KAYLE: Now... [Camera switches to a close-up of KAYLE's eyes. They narrow even more.] KAYLE: ...to have my way with you! [Camera switches to the face of SD-JEFF. His eyes are as wide as pie plates.] JEFF: In the name of all that goes bump in the night, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [SD-JEFF turns around and takes off so fast, his scales are left hovering in mid-air. After a second, the body outline created by his scales panicks, turns around and runs after SD-JEFF.] [Camera switches back to KAYLE. He crosses his arms and laughs villainously.] [As KAYLE's laugh continues, the camera switches to a zoomed-out shot of KAYLE which slowly moves skyward.] KAYLE (OFFSCREEN): I'm down here, moron. [The camera quickly moves back to KAYLE as he continues to laugh.] ---- [SCENE: ROXANNE's living room. What was red is now halfway between red and Pepto-Bismol pink. What was black is now gray. ROXANNE raises her arm weakly towards the ceiling.] ROXANNE: I felt it. I felt Kayle. [Camera switches to a shot of ROXANNE's face. She looks distressed.] ROXANNE: I want him. I need him. He must come back to me before... [ROXANNE's raised hand slaps her forehead. It has a yellow frilly oven mitt on it. ROXANNE's eyes widen in shock. She grabs her mitted hand with her other hand as if she were going to strangle it.] ROXANNE: It begins again! NO! [Camera switches to an exterior shot of ROXANNE's house. It sprouts cartoony eyes and a mouth from the windows and front door. It sways happily back and forth.] ROXANNE (OFFSCREEN): It's too soonie-woonie! NOOOOOO! [Bunnies prance in the foreground, singing a sappy song with "la la" lyrics. After three seconds of this, the bunnies turn to the right and gasp. All but the furthest right dash offscreen. The male chocolate bunny tackles the lagger bunny, mounts her and begins to have his way with her.] [Fade to black.] ---- NARRATOR: Let's see... I think that covers everything. Ultraviolence, bunnies, Roxanne, pool cues, Ninja Pope, slaughtered RPG characters and whatever the hell that drink was. [MEENA dashes onstage with a white top hat and a white coat with tails. He faces the camera with a big smile and begins to tap-dance.] MEENA: I'm just wild about Meena! Cause Meena's wild about meee! NARRATOR: That's not true. You hate yourself. [MEENA stops in mid-step. His top hat falls off. His grin slowly melts into a frown.] MEENA: By the 14th nipple of the Cow God, it's TRUE! [MEENA bawls and rushes offstage. KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA pops his head onscreen from the right.] KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA: Um... excuse me... can I have my vengeance now? NARRATOR: YOU DON'T DESERVE ANY, AND YOU NEVER WILL! [KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA glares at the camera as his head slinks offscreen.] VOICE: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PORNOGRAPHY, DAMN YOU?!?!? NARRATOR: What are you talking about? Can't you see it? Two tar-covered lovers going at it on a starless night when the power's out! VOICE: OOH! I can almost make out a nipple! NARRATOR: ...sucker. ---- Tune in Monday for even LESS PORNOGRAPHY!