[White letters on black text read, "Tonight, there are three reader requests."] [The letters fade from the screen. A poster of a man who looks like Napoleon is slammed on the screen. The caption on the poster reads, "Zeroin." The screen darkens enough to make more white letters readable. White letters appear and read, "This man wants hardcore pornography."] [The letters fade from the screen. A poster of a man who looks like Abraham Lincoln is slammed onto the screen. The caption on the poster reads, "Wildfire." The screen darkens enough to make more white letters readable. White letters appear and read, "This man wants Terry Bogard and Kim Kaphwan."] [The letters fade from the screen. A poster of a man who looks like Rasputin is slammed onto the screen. The caption on the poster reads, "John Evans." The screen darkens enough to make more white letters readable. White letters appear and read, "This man wants fire ants."] [MEENA flies onscreen and looks at the three different posters. He looks at the camera. He looks at the posters again. He looks at the camera again.] MEENA: You SICK SONS OF B- [MEENA is silenced by a giant rubber stamp slamming the screen. When it lifts up, MEENA slips off of the screen. The stamp leaves a seal reading, "REQUESTS GRANTED!"] ---- [SCENE: A lined piece of notebook paper. On it are two crudely-drawn stick figures. Bad music from a toy piano plays. The LEFT STICK FIGURE holds up its right arm.] LEFT STICK FIGURE: [high-pitched] Hello, Terry Bogard! [The RIGHT STICK FIGURE hodls up its left arm.] RIGHT STICK FIGURE: [high-pitched] Hello, Kim Kaphwan! [Both STICK FIGURES drop their arms.] LEFT STICK FIGURE: [high-pitched] Terry Bogard, let's have sex! RIGHT STIC FIGURE: [high-pitched] Yes! Let's! [The STICK FIGURES jump at each other. When they collide, their bodies join together as an unorganized doodle.] LEFT STICK FIGURE: [high-pitched] You LIKE that? [The STICK FIGURES bounce around as an unorganized, poorly-drawn doodle.] RIGHT STICK FIGURE: [high-pitched] Who's your daddy, bitch? [From the sides, more stick figures jump in, increasing the size and the chaos of the doodle. The voices increase in number and volume as each additional stick figure joins the doodle orgy. This continues for about ten seconds.] VOICE (OFFSCREEN): SPAGHETTI! [A giant fork stabs the doodle, lifts it up to the mouth of a poorly-drawn FIRE ANT and hovers in front of the FIRE ANT's mouth.] FIRE ANT: Yum! Orgylicious! [The giant fork hits the FIRE ANT on the head several times.] [Poorly drawn letters reading, "THE END!" replace the previous doodle.] [MEENA hobbles onscreen. He looks at the paper. He then falls down. The toy piano music stops.] ---- Indie Madnesse Message Board Omake Fic-Inna-Hour-Expialidocius Con Carne: Super-Deformed SadoMasochism! Written by W4 With Inspiration, Pointers And Sharp Pointy Sticks of Doom from Mirisa Erato and The Goddess Stephana Part: 6 Title: Those Funky Bunflunker Blues Just Kidding ---- [SCENE: A mountaintop. JEFF stands on the mountain's legde, facing left and skyward. He's smiling cruelly, showing all of his teeth. He chuckles once.] JEFF (VOICEOVER): Kayle... you bastard... JEFF: [shouts] I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! [Quick pan-out to show RYOGA HIBIKI next to JEFF. He, too, is facing left and skyward, looking pissed. JEFF, startled, turns SD and nearly falls off of the mountain.] RYOGA HIBIKI: Ranma Saotomo... you bastard... [shouts] I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! [Quick pan-out to show KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA next to RYOGA HIBIKI. He, too, is facing left and skyward, looking pissed. RYOGA HIBIKI doesn't notice him. SD-JEFF looks a bit less surprised.] KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA: Dr. Eggman... you bastard... [shouts] I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! [Quick pan-out to show MARY TUDOR, facing left and skyward, next to KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA. Neither RYOGA HIBIKI nor KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA notice her. SD-JEFF, however, notices and begins to show (cute) signs of anger.] MARY TUDOR: Protestants... you bastards... [shouts] I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! [The screen darkens. Light text onscreen reads, "Mary Tudor's views do not reflect the views of the cast and crew of 'Super-Deformed SadoMasochism.' In fact, we happen to think that Protestants are cute and cuddly. Have YOU hugged a Protestant today?"] [The text disappears, the screen lightens up, and there is a quick pan-out to reveal a NORMAL-LOOKING GUY, facing left and skyward, next to MARY TUDOR. Neither RYOGA HIBIKI, KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA nor MARY TUDOR notice him. SD-JEFF, however, is livid.] NORMAL-LOOKING GUY: [shouts] AND I WILL HAVE A MEGA-BURGER COMBO MEAL! [Quick pan-out to show a CUTELY-DRESSED WAITRESS, facing left and skyward, standing next to NORMAL-LOOKING GUY. Nobody but SD-JEFF notices her.] CUTELY-DRESSED WAITRESS: [shouts] THANK YOU! THAT WILL BE $4.15 AT THE NEXT WINDOW! [SD-JEFF triples in size, his head looming over the rest of the crowd.] JEFF: [angrily] Get the HELL off of my mountain! [SD-JEFF grabs them all in his jaws and spits them off of the mountain, one at a time, with noteable "Ptooie!" noises. When he finishes, he pants and growls.] JEFF (VOICEOVER): But how will I find Kayle? [A sneeze echoes. This is followed by the sound of something squishy.] [Switch to a close-up of SD-JEFF, abruptly chaning back to normal and grinning cruelly.] JEFF (VOICEOVER): Ah... time for vengeance! ---- [White letters on black text. In tune with the dramatic music, words appear onscreen reading, "Bum Bum BAAAAAAAAAA!"] ---- [SCENE: ROXANNE's living room. The room seems oddly lighter. What was black is now slightly gray, and what was red is a few steps closer to pink. ROXANNE herself is lounging idly on the couch, staring at the ceiling.] ROXANNE: [groans] Oh, my Kayle. [Switch to a shot of ROXANNE's face.] ROXANNE: [groans] Don't you know... don't you know that you're the- FIRE ANTS (OFFSCREEN): LADY ROXANNE! THE WATER COOLER IS ON FIRE! [Switch to a shot of the whole room. ROXANNE rolls off the couch and hits the ground with a thud. She inches across the floor like a worm, exiting to the right.] ---- [SCENE: A forest. JEFF crawls along the forest floor, startling the smaller creatures and confusing the heck out of the bigger ones.] JEFF (VOICEOVER): [sung] Vengeance vengeance bo bengeance. Banana fanna fo fengeance. Me my mo mengeance. VENGEANCE! [Switch to a shot of a TRIO of songbirds perched in a tree. They switch back-and-forth with the song as they sing.] TRIO: [sung] Obsessed obsessed bo bobsessed. Banana fanna fo fobsessed. Me my mo mobsessed. OBSESSED! [As the music swells, JEFF jumps up and eats the TRIO with one gulp. He sings to himself as he continues to scamper across the forest.] JEFF (VOICEOVER): [sung] Snacktime snacktime bo backtime! Banana fanna fo facktime! Me my mo macktime! SNACKTIME! [The music swells again and goes into a guitar/drum/keyboard/kazoo solo. JEFF actually passes the band that plays the music.] ---- [Switch to a crudely-drawn street. SD-KAYLE prances happily amidst a flock of Smurfs. The music is slower and more serene.] KAYLE: [sings] Ooooooooh... If you're happy and you know it, Splat a Smurf. [SD-KAYLE pulls out a giant wooden hammer and smashes two Smurfs to the beat of the song. The Smurfs begin to panic and run around the screen.] KAYLE: [sings] If you're happy and you know it, Splat a Smurf! [SD-KAYLE squashes two more Smurfs to the beat of the song.] KAYLE: [sings] If you're happy, and you know it, Then you really ought to show it. If you're happy and you know it, Splat a Smurf! [SD-KAYLE jumps offscreen.] [Switch to a zoomed-out shot of the street. A giant hammer reading, "Ye Royale Overkille" slams onto the street.] ---- [SCENE: The forest again. JEFF continues trekking through the forest. The music speeds up again to match JEFF's pace.] JEFF: [sings] Quake in fear! I know you're near! And soon the time will come for you to paaaaaaay! Your misery Will set me free! I will strike you now without delaaaaaaaaaay! CHORUS (OFFSCREEN): DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM... JEFF: [sings] Vengeance vengeance bo bengeance! Banana fanna fo fengeance! Me my mo mengeance! VENGEANCE! ---- [SCENE: The crudely-drawn street again. The music slows to match SD-KAYLE's prancing.] KAYLE: [sings] Happy freedom. Happy freedom. Oh, such glee! Oh, such glee! [SD-KAYLE looks to see JEFF coming at him at a fast clip.] KAYLE: [sings] Oh, look! Here's a gator! It's sooner or- [Both KAYLE and the music stop abruptly. KAYLE turns SD, pales, panicks, leaps ten feet up in the air and points at JEFF.] KAYLE: YOU! [JEFF turns SD and points at himself.] JEFF: ME! KAYLE: YOU! JEFF: ME! ---- [White letters on black text read, "YOU! ME!"] NARRATOR: [dry, fast] You. Me. ---- [Switch to JEFF's cruelly-grinning face. He's staring right at the camera.] JEFF: I'm going to ENJOY this. Prepare to- [Quick pan-out to show SD-KAYLE running for his life into the background. A large sweatdrop appears on the side of JEFF's head.] [Pause.] JEFF: [softly, darkly] You did that on purpose, didn't you? [The camera bobs up and down. Then the camera breaks as JEFF slaps it with its paw. It falls, facing skyward and then turning to the left.] JEFF (OFFSCREEN): KAYLE! The time for vengeance is now! Well... as soon as I catch you, that it! Let's call it a minute and 47 seconds from now! ---- [Black screen.] NARRATOR (OFFSCREEN): What will happen a minute and 47 seconds from now? [Pause.] NARRATOR (OFFSCREEN): ...well, not much, really. I KNOW the story says "a minute and 47 seconds," but you'll actually have to wait until tomorrow for the next part. KAYLE (OFFSCREEN): Cool! I'll be halfway to MARS by then! JEFF (OFFSCREEN): [frustrated] SON OF A BITCH! ----