[Black screen with white lettering reading, "On the last episode of 'Super-Deformed Sado-Masochism...'"] ---- [SCENE: An outdoor park. The sky is blue and clear, and the grass is green. Underneath an apple tree, a well-drawn teen boy with short black hair, a smooth face, a yellow t-shirt, a blue jacket, black torn jeans and red sneakers leans against the tree and waits.] [Switch to a close-up of the boy's face. He is deeply concentrating on something.] MALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Ryujiro... [RYUJIRO turns to the right.] RYUJIRO: What is it? [Switch to a side-view of RYUJIRO in the foreground and a BLONDE-HAIRED TEEN BOY in a grey school uniform.] BLONDE-HAIRED TEEN BOY: What are you thinking? [Pause.] [Switch to RYUJIRO's face.] RYUJIRO: Kenjaki... BLONDE-HAIRED TEEN BOY [KENJAKI] (OFFSCREEN): Yes? [RYUJIRO sighs and looks towards the sky.] RYUJIRO: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? [Switch to KENJAKI's face. He rubs his chin in contemplation. He then chuckles, eyes closed.] KENJAKI: You're still thinking about that, are you? Heh. Even after all these years. [Pause.] KENJAKI: But you're just avoiding the true question. [Switch to RYUJIRO. He gasps and breaks out in a nervous sweat. He turns to KENJAKI.] RYUJIRO: You don't mean-! [Switch to KENJAKI. He chuckles again.] KENJAKI: Haven't you ever wondered exactly WHO sells sea shells down by the sea shore? [Switch to a front view of RYUJIRO's face. His eyes and mouth are open wide. Tears begin to fall.] [Switch to a bird's-eye-view. RYUJIRO is on his knees, screaming to the heavens.] RYUJIRO: SHE DOES! She sells sea shells by the sea shore! Why?!?!?!? [MEENA flies in front of the camera.] MEENA: [deep voice] And the director was punished for lying. [Switch to DIRECTOR sitting in his chair in the grass. He waves a giant fork over his head menacingly. A wave of oversized cigars slam into his left side, knocking him off of his chair. A GREEN-FACED GOON pops its head out of the right side of the screen.] GREEN-FACED GOON: Smokin'! [MEENA perches on GREEN-FACED GOON's head and pecks at it with wild abandon. This causes GREEN-FACED GOON to grab its head and cry in pain.] ---- An Indie Madnesse Message Board Omake Super-Deformed Sadomasochism Written by W4 With Inspiration And Invaluable Assistance From Mirisa Erato and Stephana ---- [SCENE: ROXANNE's dining room table. The view is slightly above the table, but not bird's-eye view. It is a round table with dead roses in a black vase in the center of the table. ROXANNE sits on the right side, smirking evilly. SD KAYLE and SD JEFF sit on the left side, trying not to shake or sweat in utter fear.] ROXANNE: You two should eat up while you're able. [Switch to ROXANNE's eyes. They narrow.] ROXANNE: You'll need your strength later. [Switch to SD JEFF, who is in the shape of a handbag, and SD KAYLE, who is literally white with fear.] [Switch to ROXANNE, who is drinking red liquid from a tall, thin glass.] ROXANNE: Tomorrow, my slaves, YOU will cook for me. But tonight, I'm feeling generous. [ROXANNE finishes off the glass and throws it over her shoulder.] [Camera switches to the glass at the height of its toss. The camera follows the glass as it falls, in slow-motion, to the ground. As it falls, bright text reads on the screen, "This is art noire noveaux and NOT... I repeat... NOT an attempt by the staff to fill time. Honest." Text appears above this text that reads, "For a good time, call 45-012-[scribbled out]." Text appears above this text that reads, "Hi, Mom!"] PROP MAN (OFFSCREEN, SLOW MOTION): I paid good money for that champagne flu- [The glass hits the ground in slow motion and breaks, making a large shattering sound and scattering the onscreen text along with the glass shards.] PROP MAN (OFFSCREEN, SLOW MOTION): Well, shit. [Switch to a close-up of JEFF's eyes. We hear the shattering sound a second time. A reflection of the breaking glass shows on his eyes.] JEFF (VOICEOVER): Why? [We hear the shattering sound a third time.] JEFF (VOICEOVER): Why ME?!? ---- [SCENE: A swamp. The ground is a brown bog, and sickly willow trees stand against the purple sky. A goofy-looking VOODOO MAN prances in the bog. He's dressed in multi-colored feathers, he has a large gold nose ring with the inscription "This ring good for one free ride on the carousel," and the body paint on his chest is kanji for "Strawberry Anteater."] VOODOO MAN: Boogity boogity boogity boo! Boogity boogity boogity boo! [Close-up of VOODOO MAN's face. His eyes are bloodshit, and one can almost see the faint trace of blue pentagrams against his irises.] VOODOO MAN: Bring me the fish of my brother Raoul! Fulfill the contract! Let me have it! [A large, snapping noise is heard. VOODOO MAN's eyes fly wide open, and his jaw hits the floor.] [Switch to a zoomed-out view of VOODOO MAN. SD JEFF has chomped his right leg. VOODOO MAN jumps straight up and offscreen, taking his bitten leg with him and causing a whoosing noise that increases in pitch. SD JEFF follows VOODOO MAN's jump and fall with his eyes and head, eventually standing up. The whooshing noise drops in pitch, and SD JEFF's gaze drops. Both the noise and the gaze stop when VOODOO MAN crashes into the ground, face-first, his legs sticking out to form the number "4."] JEFF: Sorry about that. I thought you were a jerky stick. [VOODOO MAN pops out of the ground, covered in muck. He glares at SD JEFF. With one smooth, deliberate motion, VOODOO MAN brushes the muck off of himself and flings it on SD JEFF. SD JEFF is caked in muck.] JEFF: Hey! My best suit! [VOODOO MAN points at SD JEFF's chest.] VOODOO MAN: I CURSE YOU! [Switch to JEFF, grabbing the sides of his mouth and gasping. Dramatic music starts and slowly builds in volume and intensity.] JEFF: NO! [Switch to VOODOO MAN.] VOODOO MAN: YES! [Switch to JEFF.] JEFF: NO! [Switch to VOODOO MAN.] VOODOO MAN: YES! [Switch to a black screen with white lettering reading, "NO!"] NARRATOR: [quickly, dryly] No. [The white lettering now reads, "YES!"] NARRATOR: [quickly, dryly] Yes. [Switch to VOODOO MAN's eyes.] VOODOO MAN: For you... foul beast, I shall inflict the curse of... [The music crescendoes.] VOODOO MAN: THE DOMESTIC DOMINATRIX! [Switch to JEFF. He reels so violently, the muck flies right off of him.] JEFF: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- [Pause. The music stops abruptly, causing a record to scratch. His eyes show signs of thought as he ponders what he has just heard. His body slowly relaxes.] JEFF: ...what was that curse again? [Switch to VOODOO MAN.] VOODOO MAN: The Curse of The Domestic Dominatrix. [Switch to JEFF.] JEFF: ...right. [puts his claws on his hips] What kind of stupid curse is THAT? [Switch to VOODOO MAN's face. He looks like someone who's the only person in the room to get the joke.] VOODOO MAN: It's the worst one I've got. [VOODOO MAN begins to shake with laughter.] VOODOO MAN: Yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh! Yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh! [Switch to a full-body shot of VOODOO MAN. The dramatic music resumes. Lightning strikes behind VOODOO MAN.] VOODOO MAN: Yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh! YUUUUH YUH YUH YUH YUH YUH YUH YUH YUH YUH YUH YUH YUH! ---- [SCENE: ROXANNE's dining room. VOODOO MAN stands in the center of the table, laughing. SD KAYLE, SD JEFF and SD ROXANNE stare at VOODOO MAN in utter confusion.] VOODOO MAN: Yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh! Yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh! [SD ROXANNE starts to get angry. Veins bulge in her forehead, and she raises her right fist.] VOODOO MAN: Yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh yuh! Yuh yuh yuh- [Switch to VOODOO MAN in the foreground, being drop-kicked by SD ROXANNE in the background.] ROXANNE: Go have your flashback somewhere else! VOODOO: YUUUUUUUUH! [Camera follows VOODOO MAN as the force of the drop-kick forces him to fly off of the dining room table, out of the dining room, through 3 walls, out the front door, down the street and into 10 giant bowling pins that just happen to be there. All but the 7-pin and the 10-pin are knocked down.] [Camera switches back to the dining room. SD KAYLE and SD JEFF watch in astonishment at where VOODOO MAN left the room. They then look at each other, nervous, and gulp.] [Camera switches to ROXANNE, smiling and sitting with crossed legs.] ROXANNE: That was... liberating. [Camera switches to SD KAYLE and SD JEFF, looking towards ROXANNE.] KAYLE (VOICEOVER): That was scary. ROXANNE (OFFSCREEN): STOP YOUR NARRATION AT ONCE, WORM! [SD KAYLE panicks and ducks under the table.] KAYLE: [muffled] I'm sorry, my Queen! Please forgive me! [Switch to ROXANNE. She rubs her forehead and sighs.] ROXANNE: I really AM going to have to retrain you, aren't I? [Switch to SD JEFF, glancing under the table.] JEFF: Poor guy. [A gong reverberates throughout the room.] [Switch to a front view of a nearby hallway. A giant covered dish comes into view and approaches. It's being carried by baseball-sized fire ants that stand on their hind legs. Halfway through the hallway, they stop and pant for five seconds.] [Camera switches to a side view as the fire ants bring the covered dish to the table. They stop and pant for five seconds before they lift it onto the table with a loud thump. When they finish, they resume panting.] ROXANNE (OFFSCREEN): Excellent. FIRE ANT 1: EGG SALAD?!? FIRE ANT 2: I thought we were supposed to make- [A champagne flute hits FIRE ANT 2 on the back of his head.] ROXANNE (OFFSCREEN): BEGONE! [The fire ants scurry offscreen.] FIRE ANT 2 (OFFSCREEN): I could have sworn that we were supposed to make- [A champagne flute sails in the direction of where the fire ants left. A shattering sound is heard.] FIRE ANT 2: OUCH! [Switch to ROXANNE.] ROXANNE: Kayle... it's time to redeem yourself. Remove the lid. [darkly] And don't make a mess. [Switch to SD JEFF and SD KAYLE. SD KAYLE climbs out from under the table, eyes-first, peering over the tablecloth.] KAYLE: Y... Yes, my queen. [Switch to a front-view of KAYLE as he reaches for the top of the cover. He has to reach almost 2 feet over his head. We hear brushing of metal as he slowly, carefully removes the lid. After he pulls it back, KAYLE drops it, his expression one of sheer horror. JEFF, in the background, has fallen on his back, passed out.] [Switch to ROXANNE. She smiles amusedly.] ROXANNE: What's the matter, my pets? [Zoom out with ROXANNE in the background and the dish in the foreground. On the dish is what looks like the Grim Reaper made out of barbequed beef, fried pork and vegetables for facial features. The scythe is genuine.] ROXANNE: Don't you like Refried Death? [ROXANNE starts to chuckle maniacally. The meat statue also laughs, matching tempo with ROXANNE's laugh.] [SWITCH to a terrified-looking KAYLE. He falls on his butt and tries to scurry away from the meat statue, but to no avail.] KAYLE: Nuh... nuh... nuh... nuh.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [The shadow of the meat statue looms over KAYLE.] KAYLE: I said NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ---- [SCENE: A pink background. A FAIRY with blue hair and white wings flies onscreen.] FAIRY: So, what have we learned tod- [The sound of a shotgun firing is heard. FAIRY freezes, clutches its chest and falls to the ground with a thud. Two REDNECK HUNTERS ramble onstage. The first one picks FAIRY up by one of its wings.] REDNECK HUNTER 1: We eat too-night, Bubba Joe Shirleypop! REDNECK HUNTER 2: We sure doo, Jacob McCoy Hatfield Gonzales! [The REDNECK HUNTERS laugh heartily.] ---- Whipping something up in an hour can be fun. It can also be a wee bit limiting. Voodoo Man took up more time than I thought he would. ^_^;