"Why do we have to clean this mess?"

"Because you were the ones who caused it!" Signus' voice said over the speakers.

"Yeah, but still..." Tango protested.

"Get moving! Or no more snacks for you!" Signus barked before turning off the 
intercom. ""Gi-aatay ania nilang kaguwang-ga..." he cursed in the Philippine 
dialect of Cebuano. (Literally translated, this means: "Liver making this, these 
they are all morons." But, loosely translated, it means:  "Those damned annoying 
loons...") Mark just chuckled.

"Well, what did you expect? Everyone inside that theater is certifiable," Mark 
said.

"But this stunt is going to cause us time! My report is due soon and I have to 
catalogue the results as soon as possible!" Signus huffed.

"Relax. Tango and Knight will have the theater cleared of shaving cream in no 
time. Meanwhile, think of it as allowing your test subjects to have a break," 
Mark said, as he prepared the next batch of film. "You have to admit: watching 
more than a few hours of this can be damaging to anyone's psyche."

Signus scowled. "Hey! I finished reading that and nothing happened to me!"

There was a pregnant pause.

"...right," Mark replied.


***********


Inside the shaving cream drenched theater...

"This sucks majorly," MMK complained, pushing the mop forward.

"Amen," Tango replied, passing his toothbrush over another stretch of floor.

"We'll never get this finished..."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Point."

MMK paused and leaned on his mop.

"Know what we can do, Tango?"

Tango stopped his task, stood up, and popped the brush into his mouth like a 
cigar.

"What's that, bro?" 

MMK grinned.

"Shaving cream angels."


***********


Inside the theater waiting room...

"Blech!" Rebecca muttered.

"You finished with that towel?" Vidstudent asked, wiping more cream off his 
hair.

"Here," Rebecca said, handling Vidstudent the towel. "I hate washing this stuff 
off my arm. It's so sticky!" She waved her mechanical arm back and forth, 
testing the joints. 

Vidstudent's head bobbed under the towel.

"Hey, how come you two didn't get splattered?" Rebecca asked, eyebrow arched at 
Jonatan and NeoVid. The two were in the corner mixing some drink.

"Elementary, my dear Rebecca," NeoVid started. "You know what a magnet is, 
right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"And you know how similar magnetic poles repel each other?" Jonatan said, adding 
cough syrup to his concoction.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Vidstudent said, tossing aside the 
towel.

"It just so happens... excuse me for a moment," Jonatan said, then stopped 
talking as he finished mixing his drink. He poured the mix into six mugs and 
stepped back as NeoVid took out a flamethrower from somewhere inside his jacket 
and ignited the drinks.

"It just so happens that Vidder's jacket here has the same magnetic polarity as 
shaving cream," Jonatan finished. He took a glass and blew out the flame before 
taking a gulp.

"And?"

"Me? You expect an avalance of foam to get the better of me?" He paused to 
savour the flavour, or possibly to force the burning sensation from his mind.

"Oookay," Rebecca said, "and what are those?" She pointed at the flaming purple 
drinks.

NeoVid grabbed two mugs and walked over to Rebecca and Vidstudent. "Just an 
experiment," NeoVid said as he handed the two their glasses. 

"I don't drink alcohol," Vidstudent said, returning the beverage. NeoVid 
shrugged and took it.

Rebecca blew out the flame and took a drink. "Hey, this is good," Rebecca 
stated. "But this tastes--and looks--too much like a Flaming Moe."

"You mean a Flaming Homer," Vidstudent corrected.

NeoVid drank his drink... without blowing out the flame. "Actually, it's called 
a Flaming Vid," NeoVid boasted. "You see, Homer's original recipe was flawed so 
I added some--"

"NeoVid," Jonatan said.

"Yes, Jon?"

"Quit it. You're pulling a Gryphon."

"Oops. Sorry," NeoVid said.

"Jon, should I even be asking what NeoVid and you added?" Rebecca asked.

"Not if you want to enjoy it," Jonatan replied.

"Right." She took another drink. "Ignorance is better."

"Wonder where S.D. Ryukage and Ranma X went? Their Flaming Vids are getting 
cold..."


***********


"Pesticide in his iced tea?"

"I haven't seen him drink iced tea."

"Trapdoor?"

"Last week."

"Getting behind him by using a large painting with a secret passage and cutting 
off his neck with large shears?"

"Just this morning."

"Point-blank shot to the head?"

"Three times."

"With a gun?"

"Yes, 'with a gun'."

Ranma X sighed. "I don't know what else to suggest. This person you want revenge 
on sounds to be invincible. Who is he anyway?"

"The MultiMediocre Knight," S.D. Ryukage answered.

Ranma X arched an eyebrow in surprise. "The MMK? He doesn't seem the type to be 
trailed by a girl bent on revenge. I know he's irritating and all, but what 
could he have done to you that makes you so... well, whacked?"

S.D. Ryukage grabbed Ranma X by the shirt and brought his face close to hers. "I 
suggest you don't remind me of that instance ever and I will forget the fact 
that you called me whacked. If you can give me a good idea on how to go about my 
revenge, I'll also forget the fact that I caught you here trying to escape by 
yourself... as well as keep silent about this with the others. I'm sure 
Vidstudent and Rebecca will not be entirely happy you're holding out on them."

Ranma X gulped. "You wouldn't. A-and even if you did, it wouldn't do us any 
good. The old tunnel I saw when I used this place is full of boxes of blank 
rewriteable compact disks. No one can get out that way."

"Blank CD-RWs?" S.D. asked, puzzled. "Why would there be blank CD-RWs here?"


***********


"Tango and the MMK are taking their sweet ti--What in the world are you doing, 
Sig?"

"Just burning some anime I downloaded off Animewaves on CDs..."

"Using W4's CDR and the theater's 'Net connection?"

"Hey, we already paid the rent so we're entitled... come to me, Chii-chan! 
Mwehehehe!"


***********


"Exploding bunny rabbits?" Ranma suggested.

S.D. paused. "That's interesting... do we have them?"

"Er... no."

S.D. Ryukage closed her eyes and counted to ten... slowly.


***********


"Hey, Knight!"

"Yes, Tango?"

"Duck!"

"Quack!"

MMK ducked as Tango hurled another shaving cream ball towards him. The ball 
splattered on the wall, making a bigger mess.

Tango sat down on a shaving cream-bunny sculpture and laughed. MMK leaned on the 
shaving cream-man they built earlier and tried to catch his breath between 
giggles.

"Ceasefire?"

"Ceasefire," Tango agreed. He paused. "Hey, what's this?" He wiped aside the 
shaving cream on the floor in front of him to reveal a large red button.

MMK came over and stared at the button. "Gee, I don't know."

"It's a shiny big red button," Tango noted.

"Think we should press it?" MMK asked.

"I repeat, it's a shiny big red button," Tango said with a grin.

MMK grinned. "Let's COMBINE!" He powerposed, suddenly wearing a cheesy red 60's 
super-robot pilot suit.

Tango brought out aviator goggles and wore them. He pushed the button.


***********


"Hey, Sig!"

"Yes, Mark?"

"Theater's clean."

"It is?" Signus asked with genuine surprise.

"Yes."

"This early?"

"Yep. Tango did it."

"Well, what do you know..."


***********


"Remember, you promised..." Ranma X said.

"Okay, okay," S.D. assured him as they entered the room. They happened upon 
Vidstudent and the others sitting around the bar playing cards.

"Hey, Shady! Deal you in?" Rebecca invited.

"What's the game?"

"Two of clubs--"

"You are on the way to the theater. Make your time," Signus' voice interrupted 
as his image appeared on the monitor.

The six stared at Signus' grinning face. "No way!" Ranma X replied. "It would 
take ages to clean that much cream out."

"What did you do, Signus?" Vidstudent asked, arching an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Nothing. It was all Tango's doing," Signus explained, his grin expanding. 

"Tango?" Rebecca said with a shocked look on her face.

"Now get in that theater so I can complete my paper," Signus ordered.

"Tango?" Rebecca repeated, surprise evident in her voice.

"Well, make us, Signus!" NeoVid challenged.

"Easy," Signus said, pressing a button offscreen.

A horrible stench filled the room in seconds.

"Glak!" Jonatan gasped. "Sweet Jessica's stovetop, what IS that?!"

"My nose! My nose! It burns! It burrrrrns..." Ranma X rasped.

"Let's get out of here!" Rebecca forced herself to shout, leading the way to the 
theater. Everyone rushed inside.


***********


"That was cruel and unusual punishment, you know that?"

"Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures," Signus explained.

"But, still... the concentrated stench of your old college roommate's unwashed 
socks?" Mark asked, shocked.

"He's notorious for the fact that his smell can enter a room or place before 
him. It was like a living entity," Signus explained with a grin. "I knew there 
was more use for it rather than a biology experiment."

"That thing should be outlawed as a human rights violation," Mark said. 

Signus nodded in grim agreement. "I really didn't want to do it, but my report 
should be completed soon." 

Mark gingerly picked up the jar containing the said biochemical weapon and held 
it at arms length. "What should I do with it?"

Signus thought for a moment. "Put it inside several toxic waste disposal jars, 
seal them tightly, and bury them twelve feet below the ground." He paused. "And 
let's hope it's enough..."


***********


Door 1: It's a mighty stone wall, carved from the hearth of a volcano, each 
stone requiring a hundred men to move it... or not. Ranma X pokes a hole in it, 
revealing it to be painted tin foil.

Door 2: It's a translucent tube leading to a ship's airlock. S.D. glances out 
the side as the riffers swim down to the door, noticing that 'WDF VALIANT' has 
been hastily scribbled on the side in Magic Marker over 'HMS FEARLESS'.

Door 3: IT IS... EL ASSO WIPO! Almost no one gets the reference.

Door 4: It is a large, Gothic-style door with bears, in fanciful script the 
cryptic phrase "Disco sensation! Set the night on fire! Disco sensation!" Tango 
does the Saturday Night Fever pose while the others run past it.

Door 5: Door 5: It's a curtain made of panties and bras, tied together end to 
end. Rebecca stares blankly at it, then Happosai bounces by and, magically, it's 
all gone.

Door 6: It's a solid gold door, carved into the shape of a large kitten. It 
bears the phrase 'Cattus nihil ergo' which means, in English, nothing of great 
significance. The kittens eyeballs are scarily translucent and you have the 
distinct feeling you are being watched. Only really good as a very large and 
very heavy ornament, the actual door is 5 inches high. Bored to death, 
NeoVid pokes a small hole in it with a pencil that magically appeared on the 
floor; this reveals it to be actually made of cardboard and gold spray paint.
The riffers squeeze through.

Door 7: It's a large mirror. All the riffers run towards it, then start 
screaming, skid a little bit, and start running backwards. From off-camera, MMK 
yells "Hey, wait a minute, guys!" and the sound of running feet stops. "No 
worries," he continues, "it's just a bunch of harmless, but witty psychos!" 
Convinced, the riffers laugh in relief and embarrassment, and push their way 
past it as past a revolving door.

Door 8: It's several *gigabytes* of Eyrie-style text, all devoted to the 
description of a single banana. Vidstudent tries to blast a path through, but 
there is simply too much to destroy. As he reloads, you get a good look at the 
text. You quickly begin to nod off. When you wake up...


***********


Tango: How was I supposed to know that the button was marked "Theater Automatic 
Cleanup?"
Rebecca: Shut up. We still hate you. (Blows her nose on a piece of tissue)
Tango: Aww... would it make you feel better if I give you a hug?
Rebecca: Touch me and you'll breathe through your feet.
NeoVid: (Wiping his nose) I must find out Sig's recipe...
Vidstudent: Why? (takes a few sniffs)
NeoVid: That gas ought to keep the mosquitos in my dimension away.
S.D.: Big mosquitos?
NeoVid: Big-ass buggers.
Ranma X: Good thing that secret tunnel wasn't usable and... (notices glares 
upon the phrase 'that secret tunnel' and gulps) Well... too late now!

>20 JUNE 2032

Vidstudent [low]: After the apocalypse. They did not expect... the Robot 
Holocaust.

>One of the shutters in Gryphon's apartment windows was
>malfunctioning, as it had for some time. Only one of the louvers 

MMK: Isn't that the place in Paris where the Mona Lisa is displ-
NeoVid: No, that's the Louvre.
MMK: Oh... then isn't that one of the cards of the Tarot dec-
NeoVid: No, that's the Lovers.
MMK: Okay... then it must be that new manga by CLAMP-
NeoVid: That's Clover.
MMK: Fine... (Brings out a dictionary and looks for the word) Aha!
(MMK nods his head and puts away the dictionary.)
NeoVid: Well?
MMK: Did you know that when you look "insanity" in the dictionary, there's a 
group picture of us? (He ^_^s.)
Tango: Those Webster people always get my bad side.

> in the north window

MMK: You destroy Neclord, and the castle becomes your base.

>'s shutter was stuck open, but it was inconveniently
>placed so that, at about three in the afternoon during this time of
>year,

Tango: ...the local Stray Bullet Convention wandered right in. Rude bastards.

> it directed a single, sharp-edged slash 

Ranma X: --at Gryphon's neck.

>of brilliant sunlight
>across the approximate area of the bed where Gryphon's face was.

Rebecca: Helios himself acts to inconvenience young Ben.

>Therefore, it was no surprise to him that 

Jonatan: ...his nose hair caught fire.

>he awoke at three-fifteen
>with a shooting pain from his eyes to the back of his skull. 

S.D.: And continuing *through* the skull, leaving a hole in his head the 
size of a mandarin orange.

>It was a sunny and irritating day. Grumbling something unintelligible,

Jonatan: ...Latin...
NeoVid [Gryphon]: Gibberish, gibberish gibberish. Gibberish.

> he turned over so that 

Vidstudent: He could keep his tan even.

>he faced away from the sunlight, burying his face
>in the pillow.

Ranma X: And smothering himself in the process.

>About that time, his secondary sensory systems came back
>on-line (he had been operating on tertiary input before this point),

S.D.: So that's why he doesn't need cyberware. He already thinks he's a machine.
Jonatan [Gryphon]: Bede bede bede. Ben needs anime lovin'.

>and his mind, which was starting to spin up, came to a startling
>realization from the new data that was coming in.

Vidstudent: They replaced Brent Spiner?
All: Boo! Hiss!

>He was not alone.

MMK: THEY'RE HERE ALREADY! YOU'RE NEXT! *YOU'RE NEXT*!

>This was a significant deviation from the usual "three-
>fifteen-in-the-afternoon-and-I'm-bloody-well-still-in-bed" routine.

Tango: For one thing... WHERE ARE THE POM-POMS?

>His eyes snapped open, but he managed to keep from flinching,
>and his mind raced momentarily as he attempted to guess who it might
>possibly be.

Rebecca: Daley. Please be Daley.
Ranma X: Or Charles Manson.
MMK [singing]: Who can it be now?

> What had he been doing the previous night?

Jonatan [Gryphon]: ...dude? Where's my car?

> The Replicants had released their new EP, Storm Warnings, the day before,
>and the release party had been at his apartment.

Rebecca: Ben invited all his friends.
Tango [snooty French accent]: Table for one, sir?

> He looked round (he
>could see the bulk of the apartment from his vantage point); 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: Damn, this place has gotten fat.

>yes, the place was a total disaster area,

Rebecca [Damien Day]: And in the middle of this scene of devastation, a profound 
reminder of this tragedy, a battered teddy bear.
Ranma X [Gryphon]: Woah, must've been a great party. Wonder why my ass hurts, 
though.

> as befitted the site of a somewhat
>rowdy release party. He was slightly relieved by the fact that it was
>mostly just trash and clutter;

Tango: And the batterted remains of a plastic christmas tree that looks for all 
the world like it's been stepped on.

> there had been few spills and no
>uncontrolled ralphings that he could remember. Then again, "remember"
>was a spotty term at best, at the moment.

Jonatan: Did he get a traffic cone? It's not a good night unless you get a 
traffic cone.
MMK: Traffic cone. Pfft. Ever had a traffic parabola? (He ^_^s.)

>Try to reconstruct. The party started to peter out at about
>midnight.

S.D.: ...which coincidentally enough, was when he'd gotten there.

> Zoner had left around then with Sylia, which was a surprise
>of a sort.

Vidstudent [Gryphon]: I could've sworn he'd called shotgun on Linna.

> The rest of the band had filtered away by one or so. By
>one-fifteen 

Ranma X: The drummer figured out where the rest of the band was, and 
stopped playing.

>it had been just him and Priss, listening to the EP and
>commenting on 

NeoVid: --exactly how small and worthless Gryphon's life was.

>the quality of the recording and Gryphon's new stereo
>system.

Jonatan: ...at least, that's what he says.
Rebecca: Did I mention that Gryph's got a cool stereo system? He's got a cool 
stereo system.
Ranma X: Be thankful he didn't go into a soliloquy about it.

>At this point Gryphon felt he had to check something, 

Vidstudent: But it was too late, and his spine had run off again.

>so, turning onto his back, he glanced to his left with his eyeballs
>sharply angled, 

MMK: Witness, the man with the acute eyeballs!
S.D.: No wonder he has "sharp" vision.

>and his fears were confirmed.

Ranma X: Someone had stolen his ass, obviously for nefarious purposes.

> Discarding what, for
>the moment, was the useless and possibly even dangerous realization
>that

MMK [Ned Flanders]: ...it was people! People soiled our green!

> she looked quite peaceful asleep, 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: Pfft, 's'never stopped me before!

>Gryphon went back to his attempt at figuring out what had gone down.

(Jonatan makes "chika-bow chika-bow-wow" noises.)
MMK [Gryphon]: Okay... Miss Scarlet... in theeeeee Library... with the 
candlestick.
(MMK opens an envelope and looks at the three cards inside.)
MMK [Gryphon]: Damn.
(A pause.)
Ranma X: Wait, where did you just get--
(Vidstudent shakes his head and mouths "Don't get him started"; Ranma
X breaks off, falling silent.)

>Then there had been the token attempt at cleaning up. This,
>he decided, must have been the source of the neat geometric stack of
>pizza cartons on the kitchen counter.

Jonatan: Pizza... the four food groups rolled in one. You've got cheese, grease, 
starch... and more cheese.
NeoVid: Tomato sauce.
Jonatan: The five food groups!

> Then there had been the matter
>of putting paid to the remaining liquor (no one had taken it), 

Jonatan: There's usually a reason people don't touch the untouched stuff, Ben.

>which included such things as a half-inch or so of Jagermeister, 

NeoVid: "Jager" really is a word for "hurl".

>an inch (perhaps more) of Rumple Minz peppermint schnapps, something
>unidentifiable and green 

MMK: Cool! They've been drinking mutagen!
Vidstudent: Erk. Let's not go there, shall we?

>(thinking back, Gryphon decided with some
>trepidation that it must have been the last of the drummer's
>absinthe--oh, shit),

Tango: Whoopsie! There's a faux pas that you won't be getting out of the carpet 
in a hurry.
Ranma X: Absinthe? That explains so much so succinctly.
NeoVid: So the drummer was drooling for a reason besides, uh, being a drummer...

> and what, by the time they got to it, they had
>snickeringly proclaimed to be "just a little" of the martini mix left.
>And then...

S.D.: ...projectile vomiting for six hours straight?
Jonatan: That's about it. (narrows eyes) Here's a clue for you, Hutchins. Don't 
worry about the hangover. You should be glad you're not in *intensive care*, you 
fucking dolt!
MMK: *Someone* needs to vent.

>Oh, shit.

Ranma X [Gryphon]: I have my church dress on.
>
>Again, Gryphon managed to keep from physically startling as
>his memory spun fully up and replayed for him the events of the
>previous morning...

NeoVid: He missed the last episode of Doki Doki Kokoro...
Jonatan: It was *very* traumatic for him.

>Oh, shit.

Vidstudent: Is this some sort of plot device? 
NeoVid: No, it's a two-word review of the story.
S.D.: Shouldn't there be more expletives then?

>He wasn't quite certain why he though this was quite so bad as
>he thought it was.

Ranma X: I have no idea why he though.
NeoVid: Thanks, Doctor Pedantic!

>But, he was quite certain that it was.

Jonatan: Why, yes. You had sex with a woman while you both were sloshed out of 
your *shameful* excuses for brains. Even if you probably lacked enough working 
brain cells to know where to stick it, that's so lame you'll make the world a 
much better place the faster you get out into the street and jam your fool
empty head into a sewer grate so people can kick your ass over and over until
it bursts like an overripe *eggplant*.
(There is a second of silence.)
MMK: Someone *really* needs to vent.

>He tried to think of a plan.

Rebecca [narrating]: And found his brain missing.
Jonatan [Gryphon]: Oh, shit.
Tango: He'll build a giant teleporter gun, kidnap the Eiffel tower, the Soviet 
army and all the worlds' leaders, then threaten to destroy Manhattan if he 
doesn't get to be ruler of the world!
Ranma X: Then he gets the secret decoder ring and gains the support of the New 
Jersey Area leprechauns and--
MMK: --then he'll take three lions, a giant cobra, five small pigs and a raccoon
and combine them into an army of mutated minions--
NeoVid: --and then his army of superstrong amoebas will--
S.D.: Just stop.

> There must be something he could do to minimize the backlash from this.

MMK: Plead insanity. I've found it works.

> Perhaps if he got up now and quietly relocated

Tango: --to Mexico for a while, until this all blows over--

> to one of the armchairs, he could pretend he had been 

Jonatan: Dead?

>there, all night, and she would just think it had all been a
>dream.

NeoVid [deadpan]: Oh, that'll make things all right then, won't it?
S.D.: Scratch "dream" and insert "nightmare".
MMK: Better yet, insert "drug-induced delusion".

>Perhaps if he jumped out the window.

All [chanting]: Do it... do it... do it...

>No, best thing to do would be to stay right where he was. The
>least he could do now was 

Jonatan: --provide an unmoving target for the railgun spikes.

>own up to it and face the music...

[MMK and Tango start humming the Undertaker's old entrance theme.] 

>Although, he was hungry...

S.D. [narrating]: Warrior is about to die, needs food badly.

> perhaps he should get up and do something about breakfast.

Ranma X: He decided his left arm looked good and sauteed it with shallots and 
wood ears.

>Beside him, Priss stirred. 

Tango: But was she shaken?
Jonatan [Priss]: *sniff, sniff* Is that back bacon I smell?

> The light had worked its way across to her. 

Rebecca [light]: Shhh... be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting Pwisses.

> She stretched, groaning softly as various bones popped
>back where they belonged, 

(*CRACK*)
S.D. [Priss, thinking]: Damn. There goes my shoulder blade again.
Jonatan: ...the fuck did he *do* to her?

> and then turned over, throwing an arm across
>Gryphon 

NeoVid: But *whose arm was it?*

>and snuggling closer to him (mammalian instinct, I guess).

Ranma X [Gryphon]: Of course. I chew my arm off at the shoulder and depart 
undetected. Obvious.

>Then her eyes, so close to his own that he could actually read the
>little "BAUSCH & LOMB" printed on the irises, snapped wide open.

NeoVid: The future of advertising: product placement on irises, so you'll read 
them all day long.
Rebecca: Acclaim's working on it as we speak.

>"Er..." Gryphon searched his mind for something appropriate
>to say. What does one say in a situation like this? 

Ranma X [Gryphon]: Um, uh... "oh, what a lovely tea party!"
Rebecca: Start with, "Please don't shoot me, Miss Asagiri, sir," and work your 
way up from there.

>You can't go,
>"Aaaaaauuuuuggh! Aaaaaaaauuuuugggghh!!!! AAAAUUURRRGH!" It's not
>even an option.

MMK: Liar!
Tango: It's *always* an option!
NeoVid: It's usually followed by wetting yourself though.

> "Did you sleep well?" just doesn't seem appropriate.

Jonatan [Gryphon]: Seeing as how we almost didn't sleep from all the sweet 
sweet--
Vidstudent: Jon.
Jonatan: Yes, Nicholas?
Vidstudent: Finish the line and eat hot lead.
Jonatan: Tempting offer, my friend. Very tempting indeed.
NeoVid: All the sweet sweet marijuana smoke.

>He had to think of something that was gentle, unthreatening,
>unincriminating, yet not taking a completely self-blaming stance
>either--

Ranma X: Realizing it was impossible, he took a cyanide pill instead.

>something that implied tacit acceptance and a (how he hated
>this expression) stiff upper lip, something clever and perhaps a
>trifle witty to break the tension with some humor.

Ranma X [Gryphon]: So, uh...how about them MegaTokyo Giants, huh? 
Rebecca: Then he remembered: he was still Ben Hutchins.
S.D. [Gryphon]: I am *boned*.

> Something like...

MMK: "Ouch, you're on my hair"?

>"Uhm...morning..."
>
>No, that wasn't it.

Rebecca [Gryphon]: Uhm... evening?

>Especially not in that nervous, "please-don't-hurt-me-I-just-
>work-here-lady" tone of voice.

Vidstudent: Especially if you add a Jerry Lewis accent.

> Oh well. Too late, it was said...

Tango: Only one more option. Shoot yourself!

>She looked at him, confused as hell (just as he had been). He
>could almost see the progression of memory across the back of her
>eyes, party, windout, cleanup...

Vidstudent [Harry Caray]: *Swing* an' a miss! It's a nice day here at 
Wrigley Field...

>Priss actually flinched with the memories,

Ranma X: 300 pounds of Naked Ben is a memory I'd be wanting to suppress.

> blinking almost audibly 

(Tango supplies 'piku piku' noises.)

>and swallowing hard. She pulled back slightly out of reflex,
>then tried to say something, but all that came out was, "Wh--wha...uh,
>wh--wh..."

Tango: Priss Asagiri on turntables, ladies and gentlemen!
MMK [DJ Professor K]: She'll leave your momma walkin' and your daddy squawkin'!

>"I think so," Gryphon replied.

Tango [Funaki]: INDEEEEEEEEED!

>Her bewildered and even slightly panicked expression settled
>into a look of mild consternation. "Well, isn't this a kick in the
>ass."

MMK: No, this is a kick in the ass.
(MMK kicks the back of Ranma X's seat.)
Ranma X: Hey!
MMK: Well, it would have been funnier if she'd said "boot to the head", 
but we have to work with what we're given--
Ranma X [indignantly]: You kicked me!

>"I'd go along with that, yeah," Gryphon replied.
>
>She turned on her back, putting her hands behind her head, and
>they lay like that for a long time, side by side, looking at the
>ceiling and ruminating.

S.D. [Priss]: Didn't I leave a handgun here somewhere?
Ranma X [Gryphon]: Oh, god, she left a handgun here somewhere.

>At length she turned her head to look sidelong at him and
>said, "You know something?"
>
>"What?"

Rebecca [Priss]: I'm'a *cut* you, sucka.
S.D. [Priss]: Fishsticks are neither a fish nor a stick.

>"I'm okay with it."

NeoVid [Priss]: Because I'm under mind control.

>"Yeah. Me too."

Ranma X: Yeah, right.
Jonatan: I'm not.

>"Well, that was easy." She laughed. "This is fucking
>surreal."

MMK: No, *this* is f--
(MMK is interrupted by a Very Large Gun in his face. He ^_^s.) 
Ranma X: Eh, it's two people doing something regretful after overdoing it. 
Perfectly normal occurrence.
MMK: And denial is just a river in Egypt, right?

>"Yeah, I'll go along with that."

Jonatan: I won't. 

>"Dire Straits seems to have an odd effect on me."

Tango: Me too! It makes me run away!
MMK: And yet Mark Knopfler's soundtrack work goes completely ignored. 
Poor guy's like Danny Elfman in reverse.

>"I think it was more the half-inch of Jagermeister."

Rebecca [Priss]: ...that's what you call yourself, I take it?
[S.D. snorts.]

>"I dunno..." She laughed. "Look at us, we're fucking
>analyzing it! Dammit! This is weird."

Jonatan: As opposed to suppressing it and pretending it never happened? Yeah, 
that *can't* be good.

>Gryphon laughed as well. "Uh huh." Then, thinking of
>something, he let out another laugh, a short, choppy bark of amusement
>(the kind which he always gave when he had just thought of something
>funny).

MMK [Gryphon]: Bark! Bark, bark, bark!

>"What?"

Tango [Gryphon]: I saw this really funny episode of Tenchi in Tokyo. Ryoko and 
Ayeka argued and ended up blowing up each other. Didn't see that one coming!

>"I just realized something. I don't have a hangover."

S.D.: That's because you're dead from alcohol poisoning.
MMK: No, if he was dead this would be Nemesis--
(MMK ducks a hail of gunfire.)
MMK: That is not a toy, young man!

>"Huh. Neither do I. In fact, I feel great."
>
>"So do I. Hey, cool! We've discovered the secret cure for
>the hangover! Coolness. 

Ranma X: So wild sex with an anime character while trashed prevents hangovers?
Jonatan: This is also the guy who thought a brief fight and a quick drive would
magically burn off the accumulated alcohol of several dozen pints of lager.
[pause] and he's using my catchphrase. NeoVid, I'm blaming you.
NeoVid: Me? That guy's too SIey for me to even go near him.

>Too bad we can't tell anyone about it. We
>could make a mint." They both broke, dissolving into helpless
>giggling for upward of three minutes.

Jonatan [mystified]: Why? Did Gryphon open a nitrous tank or something?
MMK: No, it's Hutchins booking himself as funny again.
Tango [Homer]: When Poochie isn't around, the other characters should
be sad, look around and say, "where's Poochie?"

>When he had recovered, "If that's what happens when Dire
>Straits is played, I should go and get the rest of their albums."

MMK: And his movie soundtracks.

>She hit him in the shoulder, hard.

Ranma X: Not hard enough to kill him though, I'm sure.
Jonatan: I guess it'd be too much to have him do Kyo impersonations.
Ranma X, grinning wide]: Yeah, but it'd be fuuun...
NeoVid [Gryphon]: Ahh! i am dieing!

>"Ouch! What? That's my first law in action. 

S.D. [Gryphon]: 'Disturb shit'.

>I believe in complete honesty. 

Rebecca [Gryphon]: By the way, I slipped a couple things into your drink
last night.

>I say what I feel. I think it's a good policy, and
>if everyone did it the human race would have a lot fewer problems."

Jonatan: *Ahem*. No, there's a good deal that's kept quiet about for very good 
reason.
NeoVid: Hey, that's the same thing I do! 
Jonatan: See? Living proof.
S.D.: In a while, it'd have a lot fewer problems, and also a lot fewer people 
living.
MMK: Remember the Babel fish.
(Everyone nods.)

>Priss reflected briefly, then said, "Hmm. Good idea...but it
>took me a little off guard..." She smiled and turned back onto her
>back, humming the intro from "Money for Nothing" softly.

Tango [singing]: Now lookee here people/listen to my story/little story 'bout a 
man named Jed...
NeoVid [singing]: Oh, this is a story bout a guy named Al/And he lived in a 
sewer with his hamster pal...
MMK [singing]: You can do the wooly bully but can you pull the wooly wooly,
can you wag, can you wag the dog...

>At the appropriate point in the music, Gryphon cut in with the
>vocal. It seemed the appropriate thing to do. 

Ranma X: I'm going to cut his vocal chords.
Jonatan [obligingly]: Why?
Ranma X: It seems the appropriate thing to do.

>Momentarily, frustrated with the vocal medium's inability to carry the 

Tango: --Ultimate Coolness of an SI--

>hard-edged rasp of the actual guitar, Priss fumbled on the floor 

NeoVid [announcer]: And the MegaTokyo Giants lose the Super Bowl!

>next to the mattress Gryphon had serving as a bed, found the stereo 
>remote, and turned on the actual song. 

Jonatan [actual song]: Well, aren't you a hot babe? Come here and kiss me.
S.D. [Priss]: Now stop *singing*! *Fuck*!

>The speakers hidden all over the apartment
>were ready as usual. Gryphon's Sony NGX-2401AXL let it rip.

Ranma X: Oh GOD DAMMIT!
NeoVid: It had been eating beans all morning.
Ranma X [sarcastically as Ben]: Did I mention how awe-inspiringly cool and 
earth-shatteringly powerful my stereo was?

>Now lookit them yo-yos
>That's the way you do it
>You play the guitar on the MTV

MMK: Yes, we *know the lyrics*, thank you. *Heard the song* before.

>That ain't workin'

Jonatan: No, this fic isn't working at all.

>That's the way you do it
>Money for nothing and your chicks for free

Tango: Unless you have to hire them, like Gryphon.

>No, that ain't workin'
>That's the way you do it
>Lemme tell ya
>Them guys ain't dumb

NeoVid: Well, no, really they are.

>Maybe get a birthstone on your little finger
>Maybe get a blister on your thumb
>We got to install microwave ovens
>Custom kitchens, deliveries
>We got to move these refrigerators
>We got to move these colour TVs

Vidstudent [Drew Carey]: And you're going to be selling a two CD set, 
"Songs of the Movers". Take it away!

>The little faggot with the earring and the makeup

S.D.: I'm thinking ReRob.

>Yeah buddy, that's his own hair
>That little faggot got his own jet airplane
>That little faggot he's a millionaire

S.D.: Well, maybe it's Ben.

>We got to install microwave ovens
>Custom kitchens, deliveries
>We got to move these refrigerators
>We got to move the colour TVs
>We got to install microwave ovens
>Custom kitchens, deliveries
>We got to move these refrigerators

NeoVid: Hey, MMK... MOVE CARS!
MMK: Didn't get the timing right.
NeoVid: D'oh.

>We got to move these colour TVs
>I shoulda learned to play the guitar
>I shoulda learned to play them drums
>Now lookit that mama, she got it
>Stickin' in the camera, man

Vidstudent: Now that's an extreme close-up.

>Oh we could have some fun
>And he's up there--what's that--Hawaiian noises
>You bangin' on the bongos like a chimpanzee
>Oh that ain't workin'
>That's the way you do it

MMK [singing]: Straight up coming from the west side!
All [singing]: This is how you do it!

>Get your money for nothing, get your chicks for free
>We got to install microwave ovens
>Custom kitchens, deliveries

Rebecca: I feel that this piece loses something in the transition
to the written word.
Jonatan: Oh, quite.

>We got to move these refrigerators
>We got to move these colour TVs
>Ooooooooo--oo!

Jonatan: This is when Ben jammed his thumb in the keyboard.

>Listen here--now--that ain't workin'
>That's the way you do it
>You play the guitar on the MTV
>That ain't workin'
>That's the way you do it
>Money for nothing and your chicks for free
>Money for nothing
>Chicks for free

Tango [singing]: Beverly... Beverly... Beverly Hillbillies...
Jonatan: This is what we call "pointless filler".
Rebecca: And it differs from the rest of the text *how*?
Jonatan: Because that last bit has been proven capable of drawing 
money.
Rebecca: Ah.

>As the song was petering out and swinging into the next one,
>Gryphon started to get up to go and fix 

Ranma X: --Zoner.

>something to eat, when
>suddenly Priss caught his arm and yanked him back to the mattress.
>
>She looked into his startled eyes and allowed herself just
>enough time to say, 

S.D. [Priss]: You're already dead.

>"No, it's definitely Dire Straits," before 
>commencing.

Vidstudent: You call it "Dire Straits"...
Jonatan: *We* call it "forced nookie".

>I want my MTV.

Ranma X: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
S.D.: *I* want my tightly plotted, stripped-down-to-the-bare-essentials 
narrative, but I guess we're both livin' a lie.
MMK: If this is what 'Money for Nothing' does to her, imagine if it
were a *romantic* Dire Straits song.
Rebecca: They'd be married by Tuesday.

>7 DECEMBER 2032

Rebecca: This is TEXTure. Digital update: MegaTokyo tonight.

>A man was riding peacefully through the center of town on a
>motorcycle, 

Ranma X: --and got beaten into paste by the guys who were violently riding 
motorcycles.

>wearing a suit of close-fitting polycarbide armor that
>made him look like either a riot cop or an offroad racer. 

Tango: How about an offroad cop?
S.D.: Please, continue in this magnificent description of a man's suit of armor! 
My life will not be complete without it!
NeoVid [Ned Flanders]: Feels like I'm wearin' *nothing at all*!

>The bike was an interesting design, 

Jonatan: It was made almost entirely from forks.

>American-looking, with heavy front shocks
>and strange tubes on the sides of the front wheels, apparently part of

Tango: ...the system that pumps raw cocaine into the elves running the wheels.

>an elaborate suspension system. The snarl of the big engine

NeoVid [engine]: ROAR!

>underneath him echoed in the streets, and the big twin headlights

Jonatan: Nice set of headlights there.

>lit up the road before him well. Streetlights raced across the silvered
>surface of his armor 

MMK, Tango [Streetlights]: *VRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMM*!
(MMK and Tango run around the theater.)

>and the bike; both were completely unpainted, and
>the face of the helmet was black.

S.D.: Have you noticed how he devotes more attention to describing the tech than 
he does to the characters?
Vidstudent: It's the Tom Clancy Effect. 
Jonatan: Personally, I'm getting flashbacks from the Akio-car scenes.

> He twisted the throttle and accelerated onto an expressway. 

Ranma X: He promptly accelerated *off* the expressway, careening himself
off a concrete divider and exploding in a nifty fireball.

> It was after midnight; 

Vidstudent: Later attempts to feed gremlins produced unfortunate results.

>although in-town traffic was about average, there was no one on the 
expressway.

Rebecca: Is there ever anyone on Megatokyo's expressways besides Priss and soon-
to-be-dead ADP officers?
NeoVid: The Boomers killing them?
Rebecca: Besides them.

>The cycle howled down the expressway at close to 150 kph,
>rider tucked low behind the black windscreen, 

NeoVid: Ass flapping free in the slipstream.

>presenting the most aerodynamic profile possible. Speed climbed steadily, 
>and within a few minutes, 

Rebecca: --he was out of gas.
Others: D'oh!

>the cyclist had caught the attention of the only other
>person out on the road at that time: ADPolice Inspector Leon McNichol,
>driving his car back to the station.

Tango: He was bringing the car back in the same shape he took it out in. It was 
a good day.

> The silver cycle whipped past
>him going a good 200 kph and climbing, and Leon put on his lights and
>siren and gave chase.

Ranma X: Commence Benny Hill music.

>It wasn't easy; even with the extra power of his police
>pursuit car, he had a challenge just keeping the silver bike in sight.

Rebecca: I bet it's one of the authors are showing off how Kewl they are by 
having one of them on a bike he created out-run Leon.
Vidstudent [faux-disbelieving]: Nooo.
Rebecca: Just a hunch, though.
NeoVid: Actually, this is pretty typical Masshole driving. 

>The rider had noticed him, but didn't seem to care; 

Jonatan: When you're going two hundred kilometres per hour, you can't 
really be paying attention to anything that isn't the road. Or you're soon not
paying attention to much at all.

>instead he hunched a little lower over the handlebars and kept ahead of 
him. Leon thought of calling for backup, 

MMK [Robocop]: You called for back-up?

>then disregarded it; the guy was just
>speeding, after all, and didn't look particularly inclined to
>violence, although there was definitely a military look to him and his
>bike.

Rebecca: Leon, this is MegaTokyo. Call in an airstrike.
Tango: Carpet-bomb him! Then use the Super Sheep! 

> He clicked the supercharger on and pressed the accelerator,
>making a momentary gain. 

Vidstudent: But then, Wall Street crashed.

>There was a flash as the rider glanced back,
>Leon's headlights catching his facebowl; 

Ranma X: You know, the fact that's he's wearing a bowl on his head is the most 
entertaining thing in this story.
Vidstudent: Sadly.
NeoVid [Moe]: I was just going to get a haircut, wise guy!

>then the bike sped up to match him, maintaining its lead. 
>Leon cursed; 

MMK [Leon]: Arrogant bird! I am the Great Leon!

>how fast was this thing, anyway?

Ranma X: Uh... two hundred kilometres per hour?
Tango: It moves at the speed of lint!
MMK: Faster than slow!

> It was outpacing him as easily as that damned antique
>Chevy that had made such a laughingstock of him down at HQ. 

Vidstudent: By the time he had made it to the levy, it was 
already dry.

>He didn't like to think 

S.D.: Well, duh.

>about that.
>
>Suddenly, his concentration on the road was broken by his
>radio, calling out an all-call; 

MMK [police dispatcher]: Dunkin Donuts is giving away free donuts!
I repeat, free donuts!
Jonatan [Leon]: That's a 10-4, good buddy! Woohoo!

>rogue Buma in district seven, all units respond.

Jonatan [police dispatcher]: Please take this opportunity to fill out your last
will and testament.
Rebecca: Well there's a perfectly random occurrence for you.
Tango: Goddamn Boomers. Can't go five minutes in this city without one showing 
up.

> Leon smiled; the quickest route to the location they
>gave was right off this next exit. He began to slow down, abandoning
>his pursuit of the biker in anticipation of the off-ramp. You're
>lucky tonight, pal, Leon thought to the biker.

NeoVid [Leon]: That off-ramp is going to get so nailed...

>Keep riding, and we'll meet again someday.

S.D. [Leon]: Some magical evening, late at night... your bare chest heaving...
MMK: So, I'm thinking they've already met once upon a dream?

>The biker sheered off at full speed, throwing sparks from his
>left kneeguard as he banked 

Rebecca: --$O. The stupid git.
MMK: He promptly got voted out during the round.
NeoVid: He *is* the weakest link.
All: Goodbye!

>hard and shot down the offramp. Leon's brows knitted quizzically as he 
>followed, taking the offramp at an unsafe speed

Vidstudent: Oh, come on, he's chasing an SI with intent to ticket. That's unsafe 
at any speed.

>in his determination to keep up with this guy.
>It wasn't easy; the silver bike was very agile, ducking and
>dipping through the backed-up in-town traffic, and once it even
>performed a rocket-assisted leap right over a packed intersection.

NeoVid [Beavis]: Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing. Heh heh.
Ranma X [biker]: Oh my god! I can't stop this thing! HELP!
Tango: Whee! JATO-equipped motorbikes are fun!
Rebecca: That's an urban myth and you know it.
Tango: Not where I come from.
Rebecca: Of course.

>Leon managed to keep it in sight, even so, and as he drew near the
>area where the Buma call had come from, he saw something that made him
>groan.

Vidstudent [Leon, incredibly bored]: Oh boy, another god-boy hero running off to 
save the day. I suppose there goes any chance I might have had with Priss.

>The guy on the silver bike was driving right at the Buma, a
>Bu-55c that had taken it upon itself to rampage through the video
>arcades.

Vidstudent [Buma]: ARRGGH! *Damn* you, Eddy Gordo!
NeoVid [Buma]: No! Cable is too cheap even for me!
S.D. [Buma]: They have a Street Fighter *Three* now?

> There were no other units present yet, and the Buma had
>noticed the biker. It turned and set itself to meet his charge.

MMK: It's Kaneda! *No* one else has a sack *that* big!
Jonatan [Kaneda]: TETSUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tango [Kaneda]: KAYFOUR*NIIIIIIIINE*!

> Leon stepped on the gas, hoping to get there in time to do something to
>save this brave idiot.

Rebecca: There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity. I think this guy's 
reached the latter.

>He needn't have worried. The front fairing on the bike opened
>up in two sections, one just above each headlight, revealing twelve
>stubby little circular objects. 

Tango: Hey! Egg-launchers!
MMK: Worse! Nerf darts!

>When they shot forth, spewing vapor, Leon knew they were missiles. 

NeoVid: Leon's been taking Spot Obvious Things 101, I see.
S.D.: Does anyone else realize that Gryphon's preferred way of dealing with most 
troubles is to send phallic objects at it? 
(A pause.)
Jonatan: That answers so much.
MMK: It's how he handles all his relationships, too.
Vidstudent: Yes. Let's not talk about that.

>The Buma was temporarily hidden by explosions; when it emerged from the smoke
>cloud,

Ranma X: It was standing there unharmed and it smirked. 
S.D.: And everybody was surprised because they were convinced that attack
killed him.
Rebecca: I think I've seen this episode before.
MMK [Screw]: Ha! He is obviously finished. No one could survive that 
much dust.

>it was missing an eye, a hand, and a decent chunk of one thigh, 

NeoVid: And its pants.
Jonatan: And someone had stolen its wallet.

>and it was pissed off.
>The Buma's mouth opened as it 

S.D.: --yawned.
MMK [Buma]: Hu-hum. Another day, another jobbing.

>prepared to fire its particle cannon.

Rebecca: Oh, yeah. Fire *particles*. That'll do some damage.
Tango [singing]: Doing the things a particle cannon!

>The silver motorcycle performed another of those incredible
>leaps just as the Buma's blue bolt shot forth to blow a decent-size
>hole in the pavement where it had just been. In midair, its
>components shifted, changing form around the rider.

(MMK makes "transforming" noises.)
Rebecca: Oh, crap. It's Kamen Rider.
NeoVid: He's also ripping off Robotech. Yay.

> The suspension swung downward, heavy shocks paralleling the rider's 
upper arms as the twin-tubed armatures locked against his 

Rebecca: --nuts.
(Rebecca and S.D. share a wicked chuckle.)
NeoVid: Good thing he had the suspension swinging downward.

>forearm guards; the fairing swung up and split in two to latch 
against his chest as the skid plate on the belly 

Ranma X: --shorted out and exploded.

>became chest and body armor. What Leon had taken for
>chain guards became "outriggers" of a sort against the upper legs as
>the boots elongated slightly, 

Tango: Gryphon always fights in high heels!

>and the engine, tank and seat folded up
>into a compact bundle on the rider's back, wheels locking up--he could
>see now that they must be shaft driven--

NeoVid: All good things are shaft driven!

>on either side behind his head. 

Rebecca: So... Ben really has managed to contrive a Cyclone into existence here 
in BGC land? Wonderful.
Vidstudent: While this went on at a sufficiently leisurely pace that Leon could 
comment on it properly, the Buma blasted a melon-sized hole in the rider.

>The armored warrior grounded about ten feet from the Buma and
>raised his hands, elbows tucked tight against his hips. 

MMK [armored warrior]: And now... we hug!

>The Buma took a step back and uncovered its heat-ray.

S.D. [Buma]: The *hell* I'm hugging you.
NeoVid [Dr. Evil]: I call it a "laser".

>The guy in what had been a motorcycle let off four more small
>missiles, one from each of the two tubes on each forearm.

Rebecca: Hang on... he fires missiles from the front... then the arms... so he's 
in a Battler Cyclone... 
Tango: Whats up?
Rebecca: He's got a Battler Cyclone with non-existent chest missiles!
Tango: They do too have chest missiles.
Rebecca: Right. And next thing you'll be telling me you believe in nose lasers 
and the Vindicator.
Tango: They do too exist! The magical MDC faries told me so!

> They spiraled the fifteen feet and slammed into the Buma, and the mechanoid
>monster was lost in the flare of white light as the plasma warheads
>went off. When the glare faded, the Buma, its entire torso gutted and

Ranma X [Midwestern accent]: ...cleaned, was ready to be filleted and cooked 
over an open flame... God, I love fishin'.

>melted and its head blown completely away, toppled to its back,
>twitched, and then lay still.

Rebecca: Of course, why four missiles kill it and a dozen merely wound is a 
different matter...
S.D.: Maybe combat in BGC is based on hit points.

>Arm tubes smoking, the armored rider turned and regarded
>Leon's car. The ADPoliceman got out of it and, sidearm ready,

Jonatan: A high-caliber minigun loaded with armor-piercing ammo isn't really
a sidearm, is it?
Tango: That's what they said on that space station, too.

>approached him. As he got closer, 

Vidstudent: --the stench of SI overpowered him and he collapsed.

>he noticed that it wasn't completely unpainted. 

Jonatan: The censors added a bathing suit.

>On the sides of the helmet spar and the front fairing, painted in 
>small, distinct black letters, were the words:

Tango: "Eat At Joe's".
Rebecca: "3v1l l33t".
Jonatan: "Kilroy Was Here".
Ranma X: "Baby on Board".
NeoVid: "Zoner's a Homo".
MMK: "EM PLEH".
S.D.: "For Anal Sex and Cake, Inquire Within".
Vidstudent: "If You Can Read This, My Paintjob's Worn Off".

>K N I G H T S A B E R S

S.D.: I'm a Knight Saber! Ask me how!

>"Knight Sabers?" Leon asked, holding his weapon to the side
>but ready. He was pretty sure the biker guy was on his side, but...
>"Oh, it's you, `Iron Man'."

Ranma X [Leon]: Man, have you lost your mind? Can you see, or are
you blind?
Rebecca: Actually, it's Defender.
NeoVid: Naw, it's a pallete-swap of War Machine they bought in for the fourth 
Versus game.

>"You're quick," the battlearmor replied in a familiar
>modulated voice. "I can see why you made Inspector so quickly." 

S.D. [Leon]: Aww... you're just saying that...
Jonatan: So is Leon the "Fighter" of this story?
Ranma X: I see no sword.

> He knelt on the ground, 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: Oh holy St. Leon, forgive me for my sins...

>then, and the part of his armor that had been the
>bike fell away, reforming 

NeoVid: --about as well as Chang and Choi did.

>into a motorcycle under him and lifting him
>up. He put one foot on the ground as it came fully upright and sat on
>it like any biker at a stop sign, ready to ride away.
>
>"Funny guy," Leon said. "What happened to your hardsuit?"

MMK [Gryphon]: ...look, I'm not as young as I used to be, and...

>"Nothing," Gryphon replied. "This is an emergency backup
>system, in case anything does happen to it."

Tango [Gryphon]: See, even my backups have to be ten times more kickass than the 
best the real characters will ever get.

> Gryphon decided not to correct Leon; it would take him at least ten minutes 

Vidstudent: --and several hundred pages--

>to explain the
>difference between his armor and a hardsuit, and it was a technicality
>that only mattered to techies like him anyway.

Ranma X: Thank you for sparing us the four hundred page technical details, Ben. 
My gratitude knows no bounds.
MMK [Gryphon]: See, it's 'cause mine's not painted.
NeoVid [Leon]: Oh.

>"Emergency backup? When it's converted, that thing is easily
>the equivalent of one of our Armored Troopers."

Rebecca: You take that back, Leon! A kid with an ice-cream tub on his head is 
the equivalent of one of your armored troopers. A guy on a Cyclone's far better 
off, even if it isn't airtight.
Vidstudent: Are we riffing canon or the 'fic? 
Tango: Yes. 

>"Exactly the benchmark I was shooting for. Thanks. 

Jonatan [Gryphon]: That hurts, man. That really hurts.

>As you can see by my sadly undecorated state," he went on, waving a hand at
>his unpaintedness, "I'm in the testing phase. 

MMK [Leon]: Oh! (Pause) Drugs?
Tango [Gryphon]: Why, ye--no! You idiot!

>This was the first
>field test of this equipment, and I'm quite prepared to call it
>successful."
>
>"Testing phase? 

(A pause.)
MMK [Leon]: Drugs?
(Vidstudent takes a swing at him.)

>You built this yourself?"

NeoVid [Gryphon]: No, the magic mecha fairies gave it to me. You have no idea 
how many teeth I had to save up.

>"Every part, machined by hand," the biker replied with
>electronically modulated pride. "Beautiful work, if I do say so
>myself."

MMK [Gryphon]: And I do. Constantly. I really must be stopped.

>"I'd say," Leon agreed, holstering his sidearm. He
>appreciated good machinery, and what the hell, the guy had taken out
>the Buma. 

Jonatan: ...out on the town for a night of fun dining, a matinee, and hot 
loving...
S.D.: No, that's what Leon wants to do with him.

>That was what the Knight Sabers did. 

Tango [Leon]: Makes *my* job easier! I just drive around and chase speeders
for kicks!

>Besides, his bike was fast and his armor was strong, and Leon had no 
>illusions about being

Ranma X: --the receiver of the SI's sloppy seconds.

>able to stop him without going back to his car and getting the missile
>launcher. His gut told him the silver biker was on his side, and that
>was good enough. 

NeoVid [Leon]: Must... not... fight... Aura of Smooth(tm)... Must... stand... in 
awe... of Avatar Coolness...

>Still, he could hear approaching sirens; the
>oncoming ADPolice ESWAT 

NeoVid: Wasn't that game on the Genesis?

>team probably wouldn't feel the same way.

Jonatan: This is how Maverick Cops are created.
NeoVid: Cool. Just like a biosphere.
Ranma X: Except here you can't plug the airholes and kill them.

>The silver cyclist had apparently had the same idea; he
>started the engine and raised a hand in salute. 

Tango [Gryphon]: Zieg heil!
MMK [Leon]: Why, that's a nice finger.

>"See you around, Inspector McNichol," he said. He twisted his throttle, 
>pulled a

S.D.: --thigh muscle, lost control, and was run over by his own bike. The
End.

>wheelie, and rode away into the night, leaving Leon with a dead Buma
>and some explaining to do.

Ranma X: Must not make "I love Lucy" reference... Must not make "I love Lucy" 
reference...
Rebecca: Leon, you've got some 'splaining to do!
(Ranma X glares at Rebecca.)
Rebecca: You had your chance.

>Some blocks away, a low-slung red street machine 

Rebecca: It's Kane, and he's pissed!

>swung out of a side street and pulled abreast 

NeoVid: Finally, a gratuitous sex scene!
(Ranma X glares at NeoVid.)

>of the silver motorcycle, its rider a
>woman in red leathers and with long brown hair in a ponytail out of
>her 

Tango: --shorts. She really should get a doctor to do something about that.

>helmet. She opened up the visor of her helmet at the next red
>light and called across, "How'd it go?"
>
>Gryphon shoved back his facebowl and replied, "Decent. 

S.D. [Gryphon]: Leon's fighting it, but I can tell he's taken by my suave 
charms. He'll soon be mine... oh, yes. He will be mine.

> She's faster than I expected, and handles even better than my estimates. If
>I do say so myself, and I'd better 'cos no one else will, 

Rebecca: No disagreements there, buddy.
MMK: Won't hear it from us.
Jonatan: No, sir, you're on your own.

> I've really outdone myself this time." 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: And they thought you couldn't make underwater bee hives... 
hah, I say!

>He grinned widely and went on, "We'll talk back at the shop. Ok?"

S.D. [Priss]: I hate it when you talk shop.

>"Ok," Priss replied. Gryphon gave her a thumbs-up, which she
>returned, and roared off with her close behind.

Tango: And *then* she pulled out the rocket launcher.
NeoVid: And when he was ten paragraphs into the description of how he'd avoid 
being killed by it, she stabbed him.

>"Yep," Gryphon said, rubbing the side of the tank with a rag,
>"a marvel of modern engineering. 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: I've invented... the rag!

>You've got to try it sometime, Priss...responsive, quick...mm! 

Rebecca [Priss]: Gryphon, that's my toilet you're drinking out of.
Tango [Gryphon]: I did wonder about that odd yet strangely enticing boquiet.

>It's the best bike I've ever ridden...and I've ridden a few."

Jonatan: You're a slut.

>"You're so modest," Priss replied with a smile, patting his
>shoulder.

(All gag.)
Vidstudent: Who are you and what have you done to Priss? 

>"About which, my experience, or my engineering triumphs?"
>
>"Both."

Jonatan: Watch! As Gryphon's ego inflates!
Vidstudent: Thrill! As it overpowers an entire universe!
MMK: Marvel! At the amazing way he kisses his own ass!
Tango: Taste! The goodness of popcorn!
All: Yay! Popcorn!

>"Well, I'm pleasantly surprised, is all. I expected it to be
>sweet, but this...well, I've never had 

MMK [Gryphon]: --to eat a bike before... it's totally sweet!

>a bike that handled this well before, or accelerated this fast.

Tango: Max's bike is better.
Rebecca: Don't mention that bike.
Tango: But it's so shiny!

> It's really great, so why not be honest about it? 

Ranma X: So no one will be provoked to kill you?

>And as far as my experience goes, well...if you've
>done it...flaunt it." 

(Jonatan pulls out a piece of paper.)
Jonatan: Hmmm... zilch EXP points. That explains it.

>He smiled--actually, it was more of a comically
>exaggerated leer--

NeoVid: Bah. Not nearly as good as mine.
Vidstudent: Or he was having an epileptic attack.
S.D.: The two are very similar.
Ranma X: Especially in NeoVid's case.
NeoVid: Hey!

>and twitched his eyebrows above half-lidded eyes. A
>good-natured thump in the shoulder was his reward.

Tango: Critical hit! (Rolls dice) Two fingers severed!

>"Go on," Priss said, walking over to the bench and picking up
>a spanner. "Your first bike was a '75 Honda."

Rebecca: And here I was thinking Priss was his first "bike".

>"CB550," Gryphon agreed, reminiscing. "I loved that bike.

Ranma X: In a purely platonic way.
Jonatan: Especially with a light wine sauce.

> It wasn't very powerful, or very fast, 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: In fact, it sucked! What was I thinking?

>but it handled nice, especially once I got the new tires on it. 

Vidstudent: Driving without tires got boring fast.

>I bought a silk aviator's scarf just
>so I could feel like a fighter pilot when I rode it. 

Rebecca [Priss]: You're a sad, sad boy.
MMK [Gryphon]: I know... (pause) Do I get a hug?
Rebecca [Priss]: No.
MMK [Gryphon]: I hurt. I need sexual healing.

>Took my test with that scarf on...summer of '93. Ahh...those were 
the days." 

(Jonatan hums the Wonder Years theme.)

>He leaned back against the wall, his arms crossed above his head, and
>sighed. "You can't go home again."

Tango: At least not after I'm through with it! BUAHAHAHAH!
Rebecca: Grant Morrison OFF! (She hits him.)
Tango: DREAMS DON'T DIE!

>"No," Priss agreed, "but you can make new ones." She put the
>spanner down on the bench. "Do you feel at home here?"

Jonatan: Yep, it's just like home. The Rampaging boomers remind him of how Old 
Man Cletus used to come after him with the shotgun when he was a kid.

>"Here? In MegaTokyo?" He considered. "Yeah, I guess
>so...most of the time. Sometimes when I'm out in the city alone, I
>still feel like a stranger in a strange land, 

NeoVid: Hey, Gryphon! Heinlein called. He wants your ass.
Jonatan: I finally understand it! Gryphon thinks of himself as Michael Valentine 
Smith.
S.D.: I don't grok what you mean.
Jonatan: Simple. Don't you see? He acts all knowledgeable, able to do anything 
and everything, and has all the ladies falling for him.
Rebecca: The similarities are eerie.
MMK: So similar it's Eyrie?
Rebecca: Yes.
(A pause.)
Rebecca: Damn it!
(MMK ^_^s.)

> but most of the time,
>when I'm among friends...yeah. That's what home has always been to
>me, really. Not so much a place, as a gathering of friends."

Rebecca: So what is this, frigging Voyager?
S.D.: Don't give them any ideas.

>"Mm." Priss was silent for a moment, reflecting. "There was
>a time when I didn't have any friends."

Ranma X: Really? I'd have never guessed.
Rebecca [Priss]: They kept dying all the time. It was really annoying. I'd call 
them and say, "Hey, wanna see a movie tonight?" and they'd go "Urggh..." and
die, and I'd have to avenge them.

>"I'd hate that," Gryphon said. "When I was little, I didn't
>have any friends, except books. 

Ranma X: I never would have guessed.
Tango [Ben]: I'll never forget the day "Treasure Island" beat me up and stole
my lucnh money. I was crushed.

>I made my first real friend when I was a freshman in high school. 

MMK [Gryphon]: He was made of straw and wood.
Vidstudent [Gryphon]: God bless shop class!

>By the end of that year I had three.

Jonatan: Two of which were imaginary, and the other one was a carrot.
Tango: You leave Mr. Carrot out of this!

>A couple of years later I made a couple more. 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: I was really getting the hang of this Frankenstein business.

>Then I went to Worcester, and there they were all around me. 

MMK [Maximillian Roivas]: They were all around me... dear god! All
around! I knew what I had to do... they had to *go*! By *blade*
and *bullet*, I had to get RID OF THEM! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? DEAR
GOD, I *HAD* TO DO IT! *HAD* TO!
(A pause.)
MMK: What?
Rebecca: Nothing.
MMK: *What*?

>My own kind. Kinsmen,
>gweeps and Wedge Rats all. My definitions of home and family changed
>that year, 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: Take that, Webster!

>much to my parents' 

Rebecca: --satisfaction.

>dismay."

(Rebecca snaps her fingers.)

>"`Home' became wherever you and your friends happened to be,
>and `family' became your friends?"

Ranma X: And his parents disowned him.

>"Yeah." He chuckled. "I call Zoner `brother' sometimes, but
>we're not really related, at least as far as either of us knows.

Rebecca: I guess that means they can get married after all.
MMK: Yeah, and they could live like a sitcom after Zoner leaves Gryphon, see? 
And Gryphon gets this girl who likes him, but doesn't say anything because 
he's gay, and--
Vidstudent: MMK?
MMK: Yes, Vid?
Vidstudent: Shut up.

>Although, hey, you know, we just could be. It would be weird enough.
>But either way, we're so similar that

NeoVid [Gryphon]: --if one of us was erased from existence, no one would notice 
the loss.
S.D.: Loss?

> we couldn't be anything else."
>"What about me?"

MMK [Priss]: WHAT ABOUT RAVEN?
Tango: He's fine with Reese.
Jonatan [Gryphon]: I'm tired of talking about me. How about you talk about me 
for a while?

>"What about you? Well...you're you. There's no one in the
>world like you. 

MMK [singing]: I can't wait for the nights with you! I imagine the things 
we'll do-oo! I just wanna be loved, by youuuuuuuuuu-uuu!
Ranma X: Of course, there *is* cloning...
Jonatan: [rubs his beard thoughtfully] And evil doubles from another dimension,
of course.
[Ranma X goggles for a moment.]
Rebecca [Looks up form a copy of UF]: Actually...

>If there's one ability of mine that I find to be a
>curse most of the time, it's my perception.

Jonatan: If you're so damned perceptive, how come you haven't noticed how damned 
annoying you are?

> I think I'm one of the only people in the world who can read MegaZone,

Tango: I took a course in reading MegaZone in university.
Rebecca: You went to university?
Tango: Ace Obedience School, graduated top of the class of '77.

> and likewise, I'm one of the only people in the world who can read you."

MMK [Gryphon]: Of course, we'll have to throw you into the printing press first.

>"You can read me?" Interest--and a spark of worry--showed in
>her eyes, cybernetic though they were.

S.D.: Since when has Priss had cyber-eyes?
Rebecca: About five minutes now.

> Gryphon marveled at their sophistication, not for the first time. The eyes 
> were the windows to the soul, it has been said, 

Jonatan: --and eyelashes are actually fashionable curtains.

>and Priss's eyes fulfilled that capacity
>better than she suspected, despite the fact that "BAUSCH & LOMB" was
>printed in tiny letters on their blood-red irises.

Tango [Peering]: Made in Taiwan, all rights reserved, not valid in Utah, discard 
unused portion, five cent deposit in South Australia only, fnord.

>"Yes. It isn't easy, but it's possible. I find you let down
>a lot of your guard when you're around me." 

Jonatan: Course, the fact that he wrote Priss that way has no bearing on 
anything whatsoever. No siree!

>At this comment she stiffened perceptibly,

Ranma X: Fortunately, he didn't.

> but relaxed moments later; it was true. "You show a side of yourself 
>to me that I don't think you show to other people often,

NeoVid: The backside?
MMK: And Gryphon's pretty happy, ain't--
Vidstudent: Shut up, you two.

> and you probably didn't realize until I told you that
>you did."

S.D.: Well, of course, she doesn't. Her INT level drops whenever someone with 
Aura of Smooth is around.

>She accepted the analysis without comment, then asked, "What
>do I say?"

Tango: Ensuing! Rhombus! Enclave! Frost Free Fridge!
(There is a faint 'ding'.)
MMK: Demi Moore!
(The 'ding' is slightly louder.)
Rebecca: LEMUR!
(The 'ding' is louder still.)
Rebecca: Top that.

>"Your strength, and toughness, and all that...they aren't just
>an act. 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: They're the main event, baby!

>They're real, not a veneer. You're made of steel.

Tango: Magnet made of Iron, Priss made of meat.

> But they are a defense mechanism. There's so much pain in you, 

S.D. [Gryphon]: Ready to be shared.

>so close to the surface. So bravely hidden...but so obvious to 
someone like me." 

Jonatan: Thank you, Ben Hutchins, doctor of psychiatry!
(Ranma X makes quacking sounds.)

>He sighed, grabbing his face in his hand and shaking his head, eyes
>squeezed shut. 

Vidstudent [Gryphon]: Alas, poor Gryphon! I knew him, Prissatio.

>"Shit, I have to be careful. So careful..."

NeoVid: Tonight on Melodrama Acting 101...

>"Careful?" She took a couple of steps toward him. "Careful
>of what?"

Tango: Of Invisible Elves that come in the night and try to steal your 
underpants! Away, damned Elves, away!
MMK: You get those, too?
Tango: Every Saturday night.
Jonatan: Another wonderful spinoff of the American space program.

>"Well, you see, it's like this. I'm not the most emotionally
>stable person in the world.

All: NO!
NeoVid [Gryphon]: Sorry, that's a lie. I really am.

> You don't see that now, because I'm
>happy, and in a position of control in my life, but I'm actually
>pretty fucked up. 

Rebecca: You said it, not me.

> That's where at least half of my good nature comes
>from. Noticed how easily frustrated I am? 

S.D.: I stopped noticing anything about him when I went into the coma.

>How I avoid situations
>like...well, like this? Being one-on-one with someone, anyone? It's
>because of my nature.

S.D. [Gryphon]: That and I can't play basketball.
NeoVid: Well, after all, male homo sapiens of European descent can't jump.

>"It's my nature to love. 

Jonatan: We've replaced Gryphon with a bad French actor. Let's see if anyone 
notices...

>The tiniest provocation--or
>sometimes none at all--and my emotions start playing the Masochism
>Tango in my head.

(All look at Tango.)
Tango: (shrugging) He's my far half-cousin by my mother's side.

> I've done it six or seven times that I can count,

Vidstudent: I'm glad for you, Gryphon. I really am.

>and I'm only twenty. 

S.D. [Gryphon, mumbling]: --something.

>It happens in friendships. It happens in casual
>acquaintanceships. 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: It happens on Mars. It happens in the closet I hide in.

>Once it happened in no relationship at all--a
>picture on a television screen and the most beautiful voice I had ever
>heard set it off.

Rebecca: Then he had to go change his trousers.

> So when I meet someone I genuinely like, I go on guard, 

Tango: Touche!

>knowing how rapidly that kind of thing can get out of hand with
>me. 

Jonatan: This dialogue has more details on Ben's sex drive than I care to know.
All: Amen.

>As time goes on, and the bonds become stronger, 

Ranma X: I wait for them to mature and sell them for a profit.
(All stare at Ranma X.)
Ranma X: What?
MMK: Dude? You're still here?
Ranma X: I'm here the whole time!

>it gets harder to control, and eventually I start to feel comfortable, 
>and then I drop my barriers completely.

Tango: Then hordes of starving East Germans stampede over into you for freedom 
and food!

>"That's about the time it usually goes straight to hell in a
>handbasket, and I usually don't even salvage a friendship out of the
>mess. 

Vidstudent [Gryphon]: After they experienced the Gryphonator, I don't see why 
not.
Tango: Maybe he should learn to recycle.

>I did once--I was lucky--but aside from that one case, every
>time the smoke clears,

NeoVid: Hundreds of hectares of bush has been burnt out.

>whoever it was is very uncomfortable around me,

S.D.: Don't worry. We understand them.

>and I take off. 

MMK: For the moon... or bust!

>When I came here, I was stupid enough to 

Ranma X [Gryphon]: --just be myself. That was one big mistake.

>think it would be different." He opened the lab door and went 

Jonatan: Completely bananas.

>through into the corridor, then down to the garage where his car 
>waited. Priss followed.

Rebecca: Like the good loyal animated-character-slash-dog that she was.
S.D. [Priss]: Arf!

>"Wait a minute," she called after him. "What are you saying?"

MMK [Priss]: And could you summarize it, this time?
Rebecca: I could be mistaken, but he appears to be dumping you so 
he can go off and be an antisocial dick.

>He opened up the driver's door and got in, waving at the
>passenger seat. 

Vidstudent: --bidding it goodbye.
Jonatan: Why the passenger seat was taking a bus was still an unexplained 
mystery.
(A pause.) 
Jonatan: On second thought... no, it isn't.

>She came around and got in, leaving the door open.
>Gryphon started fooling around

S.D.: Well, that didn't take long...

>with the onboard computer for a distraction.

NeoVid [Gryphon]: Solitaire... minesweeper... hearts... who put all this 
crap on here?

>"Isn't it obvious?" he replied, slotting a 2" disk and keying
>the download process into action. "My thoughts are dominated, 

NeoVid: Damn those Ventrue.
Tango [Singing]: Gimmie gimme world domination!

>every
>waking moment, by a single train of thoughts, a single set of images.

Jonatan: Gryphon.
MMK: Nope. MegaZone.
(Jonatan arches an eyebrow at MMK.)
S.D.: By George, I think you're on to something.

>I can think, yes, I can function, but everything is referenced back to
>the same person.

Tango: Steve Purcell?
MMK: Carrot Top.
Jonatan: No! It was Robert Deniro, everyone's favorite action hero!

> Everything I see is connected in some way,
>everything I experience tied somehow to a reminder of, the same
>person. 

S.D. [Gryphon]: MegaZone.

>I fixate, and stay fixated for probably a month or so of the
>most agonizing experience...it's unpleasant, 

Rebecca: It's called obsession.
Jonatan: And then the glue fails.

>but there's always the
>hope...and then I come down, usually without managing to keep the
>whole thing quiet, and blam. Everything goes to hell."

Ranma X: It signs up for the six-week package tour, even.

> He stabbed a couple of keys almost accusingly.

Tango [Gryphon]: From hell's heart, I stab at thee! Stab! Stab!
Jonatan: Those poor innocent defenseless keys...

> "I had so hoped that, after all my
>training, I could be over this stupidity...

All: Ha!

>I had so hoped that, if
>nothing else, Cheryl had taught me not to be such a damned fool." 

Vidstudent: Looks like he failed that course, then.
S.D.: I thought Rose was teaching him.
Jonatan: Ah, who the hell knows anymore. Besides, it's not that he's going to
tell who Cheryl is anyway.

>He removed the disk from the dash computer and pocketed it, then 
started punching keys almost savagely.

MMK: I tried that! Great stress reliever. And it helps whenever I play 
Incredible Crisis.

>Priss sat back in the seat as a tear rolled down Gryphon's
>cheek, 

NeoVid: Gained Item: Gryphon's Tear!
Tango: You prosess Dracula's Rib!

>not knowing what to make of this situation. 

Rebecca [Priss]: This would be why I don't talk to people.

>She didn't have his problem; if anything, she had the opposite problem. 
>She found it very difficult to love, or even, really, to trust. 

Jonatan: Which is why she allowed two total strangers with heavy weaponry to 
spend the night in her trailer - which had somehow turned into an apartment, 
but never mind that - by telling her that they weren't real killers, really. And 
of course, letting them meet and join the other Knight Sabers after they 
told her a story that could've been dug out of a cheap sci-fi novel and 
blathered a bunch of obscure jokes. Yeah, she's got a hard time trusting, but 
her recent *lobotomy* really helps.
(A pause.) 
MMK: Yeah... what he said. (He ^_^s)

>She hardly ever
>revealed her feelings to herself, let alone other people.

Rebecca: We've sectrely replaced Priss with BGC 2040's Priss. Let's see who
notices.
Tango [2040 Priss, muttered]: ...life is a bleak and meaningless existance...
...Linna looks hot in those pants... ...I like guns and chesse...

>Yet here
>was Gryphon, obviously suffering, and he was a friend. 

S.D. [Priss]: Must remember... Gryphon friend... must not fight... 
programming...

>She had few friends, and, however secretly, treasured those she had, and 
>she felt she ought to help him... but showing sympathy was not in her nature.

Ranma X: She decided to end his suffering in a more permanent way... 
(Ranma X motions cocking a shotgun.)

>She fought a quiet battle with herself for a moment, and then made a
>decision.

MMK [Priss]: Yeah, man, that's definitely butter.

>She reached out, took him by the near shoulder, and turned him
>to face her. "Are you 

Jonatan [Zuul]: --a God?
NeoVid [Gryphon]: Yes.
Jonatan [Zuul]: Oh. (pause) Carry on, then.

> talking about me?" she asked quietly, in a tone
>so unlike her that Gryphon appeared momentarily surprised. 

MMK [Gryphon]: She's chortling like Sweet Tooth! Priss never does that at home!

>"Is that
>what you're trying to say?"

Rebecca [Gryphon]: No, I was just being melodramatic and angsty.
NeoVid [Priss]: Oh... carry on then.

>He smiled sadly. "No, fortunately. I felt the warning signs
>of that kind of thing when I first met you, 

Jonatan: Sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach, erotic dreams... that sort of 
thing.
Vidstudent: The seven thunders, the star over Priss, and river of blood were 
also dead give-aways...

>but I kept it together, which surprised me. 

MMK [Gryphon]: Then I saw this neon sign advertising Coca-Cola, and it surprised 
me, too.
Tango [Gryphon]: Then there was this cloud...
NeoVid [Gryphon]: Look, dirt!

>I do love you--curse that word, it has so many
>meanings--

S.D. [Gryphon]: --and I left my dictionary in the 20th century.
Rebecca: I'm actually grateful he didn't bring a thesaurus.

>but so far, I haven't gotten all messed up in you. Give me
>until Christmas and ask again...if I run away, 

Ranma X: Shoot him.

>you'll know what the answer was. 

Jonatan [Gryphon]: Maybe not what the question was, though.

>By then, my current situation should have blown

Tango: It already does.

> up in my
>face." He chuckled. "It would be another textbook case of Gryphon's
>emotions running wild, though. Gods know I've fallen for women much
>like you, in the past, tough, independent, 

MMK: --animated--
Vidstudent: --fictional--
Rebecca: --brainwashed--

>but somehow...I don't know,
>almost vulnerable, although the mere mention of the word makes you
>bristle. But no, not this time."

S.D.: I think this is the part where we're supposed to feel sympathy for Ben.
Jonatan: Sorry, I had most of those feelings surgically blocked before I got 
here. I'm saving it for the rest of the cast.

>"Oh." She took her hand off his shoulder and looked down,
>embarrassed somehow. 

Rebecca [Priss, thinking]: Where's a frickin' bathroom when you need one?

>She had been pretty certain her guess was right,

MMK [Priss]: Yep. Gryphon's gay.

>and, surprisingly, the thought hadn't annoyed her, as it usually did
>when she found out that someone was attracted to her.

Ranma X: Partly because it was damn difficult to hide the bodies...

> She felt kind of silly to have come out with

Rebecca: -Linna.

> the theory now that it 
>wasn't right--

Rebecca: Oh.

> but then, it had been a good guess, and based on past
>experiences. 

S.D.: ...and, uh, *what* based on past experiences?

>Both had originally been all right with what had
>happened at the Storm Warnings party, but things change...

Ranma X: --into OOC disasters.
NeoVid: The more things change, the more they stay the same.

>"Don't worry about it," Gryphon went on. "It was a hell of a
>good guess, and like I said, give me six months or so and it might
>turn out to be right. You are the type of woman I usually get into
>this kind of mess because of." 

Rebecca: Oh, sure, blame the woman, why don't you?

>He grinned wryly. "It's a little disturbing that the kind of woman 
>I'm usually attracted to is so much like Zoner."

Jonatan: Damn it. 
(Jonatan hands MMK a $20 bill.)
S.D.: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the yaoi subtext.

>That took her aback for a second. 

Tango [Priss]: Dude, *bleah*!

>Did he just compare her to Zoner? They were totally unlike! Not even
>remotely similar, at all!

NeoVid: Outside of Gryphon's little world, yeah.
Rebecca: Whjat did I say about 2040 Priss?
Tango [2040 Priss, muttered]: ...Pink Floyd, yeah that's the stuff...
...world's greatest secret agent... ...tell Yuri how I really feel about her...

>She tried to be indignant about it, but failed.

S.D.: I hate when I botch Emote rolls.

>"No," Gryphon said sadly, "this time, I've gotten further out
>of my league than ever before." 

NeoVid: 20,000 leagues under, in fact.
MMK [Space Ghost]: Go to 21,000 leagues! Because it's more fantastical!

>He pressed his lips together in a thin, bitter line. 

Vidstudent: --and hummed.

>"If experience is the best teacher, then why the hell can't I 
>ever learn anything?"

Jonatan: Because you're an insufferable SI with a technofetish who thinks that 
missiles solve every problem. Next question?
Vidstudent: Hey, big guns solve an amazing number of problems, you know.
Jonatan: Oh, so you're defending Gryphon, are you?
Vidstudent: No, I just--
Jonatan: Maybe you want to join his group of precious friends? Would that make 
you *happy*?
Vidstudent: I'm just saying--
Jonatan: Why do I even let you sit next to me, huh?
*BLAM!*
Jonatan: That's not an answer and you know it. [falls out of his seat]

>"Look," Priss said, recovering from her embarrassment, "you
>need to talk to someone about this, or you'll explode. 

Ranma X: The prospect of this 'fic is suddenly brighter.

> I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone, 

Rebecca [Priss]: I am... a man.
(Pregnant pause.)
MMK [Gryphon]: I kinda figured from last night.

>not since my parents died. Look at me." She turned his face by hand, 

MMK: When that didn't work, she used a monkey wrench.

>in case he should prove
>reluctant, and met his gaze with her own. "You are part of my family.

NeoVid [Gryphon]: Oh, shit.
Rebecca: Yes! This is perfect! Odds of Gryph death go through the roof!
Tango: Him and Sho's Mother. She's on her own till she gets a first name.

>Yeah, sure, I'm tough and strong and all that other shit, but fuck all
>that right now.

NeoVid [Gryphon]: What, *all* of it? 
(A short pause.)
NeoVid [Gryphon]: Can do!

>Like you said once, it's after one in the morning,
>there's no caffeine left to power the illusions. 

Jonatan: Now that'd make a nifty school of magic.

>You're in a lot of pain here, 

MMK: No way! This is a lot of pain.
(Under a minute later, the others have witnessed the MMK tangled 
up in a heap of garrote wire, flaming baseball bats, five chainsaws,
a net of thorns, whipped cream, burning tar, a box of razor blades, 
and a llama.) 
MMK [under the pile]: Ha! Beat that!
Ranma X: Well... that's nice, but--
NeoVid: I can beat it!
(Soon, NeoVid has several hundred swords, needles, daggers, toothpicks, 
shurikens, arrows, and pointy sticks stuck all the way through his body, 
and to top it off, is impaled on a beach ball.)
Ranma X: Granted, this is all very kinky, but--
Vidstudent: You know, some people are going to regret missing that.
Tango: Then they'll regret missing *this*!
(Within a minute Tango is suspended upside down from the roof by a 
glob of boiling glue, his body covered in shards of glass and small
carnivorous fish and his limbs twisted into a vaguely Escher-esque 
design.)
Tango: I'm in a lot of pain here!
MMK: Oh, yeah?
(The tangled pile of painful objects that is currently MMK slowly rises
to its feet, produces a wooden folding table from out of nowhere, sets
the table up, and drives itself through the table with a standing 
moonsault.)
MMK: *I*'m in a lot of pain here!
NeoVid: Oh, *yeah*?
(NeoVid struggles gamely, but fails to get up.)
NeoVid: Damn.
(The boiling glue on the ceiling gives out, causing Tango to fall from
the roof and land directly on NeoVid.)
NeoVid: Ow! I'm in a lot of pain here!
(A pause.)
Rebecca: I regret *seeing* this.

>and I can't let that go on." She took a breath, let it
>out, and then continued, "You're right, 

Rebecca [Priss]: ...I *do* have halitosis.

>the word has too damned many
>meanings. Figure it out, damn it, I love you."
>
>Gryphon blinked.

Vidstudent [Gryphon]: I don't suppose I can borrow a dictionary or thesaurus?

>"It's true. You and your wacko friend--" she smiled a bit at
>the memory-- "popped into my life one night, endangered it, saved it,
>and changed it, all in the space of a few hours. 

Rebecca: --or her money back.

>Before I met you guys, I had four friends. It went up to six that 
>night, although I

NeoVid [Priss]: --tried to resist the mind control.

>didn't realize it for a few weeks. 

S.D. [Priss]: I'm bad with math. Really bad with math.

>You figure out for yourself how
>significant the numbers there are. We've ridden 

NeoVid [Priss]: --each other--

>together, hit the range together, jammed, fought shoulder to shoulder 
for our

(MMK stands up weareing a kilt.)
MMK [Priss]: FREEEDOOOOM!
(Tango mimes bursting from the ground.)
Tango [Excel]: FALEEE-DAAMU!

>lives--hell, Gryphon, we've done the most intimate thing two people
>can do together! 

Jonatan: Joined the Columbia Record Club?

>Now start this car, and drive back to your
>apartment, and if we have to talk all night, you are going to feel
>better in the morning. Do you understand me?"

MMK [Gryphon, mushy]: Stop it! Just stop it!
(MMK quickly uses an eyedropper to put fake tears in his eyes.)
MMK [Gryphon, mushy]: You had me at "hello."

>Gryphon blinked again. Then, silently, he strapped in,
>started the car, and keyed the garage door. 

NeoVid: Aw man, and I just had that garage door repainted. Son of a...

>Before long, they had reached his apartment, a cluttered studio on 
>the top floor of an office building. 

Vidstudent: It was difficult getting the piano up there, but it was 
worth it.

>Gryphon dumped his field jacket on the Japanese office chair by the 
police box, kicked off his Chucks, and collapsed

Jonatan: --into himself, becoming a small black hole. Oops.

>on the couch. Priss ditched her boots and hung onto the jacket,
>wadding it up and 

Vidstudent: --stuffing it into Gryphon's mouth.

>leaning an elbow on it as she sat down on the floor
>next to the end of the sofa.
>
>"All right," she said, "talk."

S.D.: *Please* don't encourage him.

>"What do you mean," Gryphon replied, "talk?"

Jonatan [Gryphon]: Aren't we getting naked?

>"Start at the beginning. This story's been trying to get out
>of you since it started. Now's your chance to tell it."
>
>"The beginning? 

MMK [Gryphon]: Okay, story time.
(He looks around again and notices the lack of reactions.)
MMK: Sheesh! I keep forgetting--
(Cue in falling elephant again.) 
MMK (under elephant): *There* we go! Man, feels like home.
Jonatan: There's an elephant in my snacks. *Again*.

> That was a long time ago. Middle school. 1986. I was thirteen."
>
>"Yeah?"

Vidstudent [Gryphon]: No. I was lying.

>"There was a girl in some of my classes. It was stupid. I
>was thirteen."

MMK [Gryphon]: You see, I was thirteen. And I was thirteen.
Rebecca [Priss]: And you were how old?
MMK [Gryphon]: I was thirteen.

>"Uh huh. Go on..."

MMK [Gryphon]: Then came the war.
(A beat.)
MMK [Gryphon]: I was thirteen.

>"I actually ended up making

NeoVid [Gryphon]: --hot monkey love.

> friends with her in high school...we sat together in biology
>sophomore year and traded music tips. Our tastes were pretty close."

MMK [Gryphon]: I was thirteen.
(Ranma X smacks MMK. MMK nosells.)
MMK [Gryphon]: Still thirteen.

>"This girl didn't have a name?"

Vidstudent: Let's just call her "Miss Take."
NeoVid: Probably closer to "Miss Shapen."
Rebecca: Or "Zoner." That's good, too.

>"Not important."
>
>"Everything's important."

S.D.: Oh. That's why he spends years describing it all.

>"Are you sure you aren't Austrian?"

Tango [Gryphon]: I was, but the sugery fixed that!

>"My mother was Irish. I ended up with her looks, and her
>attitude, and Dad's religion. I'll tell you my life story later.
>Promise. 

Ranma X: Please don't!
S.D.: Don't you have any mercy?

> Now go on. Forget about her name if you don't want to tell
>me--she's sixty-some now anyway."

MMK [Gryphon]: And I was thirteen.

>The thought hadn't occurred to Gryphon, and he was mildly
>unsettled by it for a second. Then he gathered his wits 

Rebecca: ...in a thimble.

>and continued. "Her name was--is--Lori. Next...oh Gods. The next one
>was even stupider. It was actually two. 

Vidstudent [Gryphon]: See? I'm bad at math, too!

>There were a couple of sisters, my junior year, and I think I 
>alternated between them on about a daily basis. 

Jonatan: Ooh, kinky, but...
Rebecca: The fact that it involves Gryphon turns you off, right?
Jonatan: Yes, there's that.

>I was...sixteen, 

MMK [Gryphon]: Almost had you there, didn't I? Ha!

>then. It was just as stupid.
>No...it was more stupid. By then I should've known better. 

MMK [Gryphon]: I was... sixteen.
Vidstudent: Except for the tragic fact that he's Gryphon.

>That one, like the one before it, I managed to keep fairly 
>quiet."

NeoVid [Gryphon]: I was hunting wabbits.

>"Uh huh. Keep going..."

S.D. [sarcastic]: Don't stop on our account.

>"Ok...senior year next...well, there was the class president,
>and her best friend whose lead trombone I played second to in stage
>band...

Jonatan: --ifyouknowwhatImean.

>that was a lot like the year before, except we were actually
>friends, and had been for quite some time...I thought I kept it under
>my hat pretty well, but a year or so later 

Tango [Gryphon]: My afro got out.
(All gasp.)

>I told one of them, and she laughed and said they'd always known, 
>but they didn't want to let me know they knew, 'cos 

MMK [Gryphon]: --if I knew that they knew that I knew that they knew that 
I knew that they knew that I knew that they knew that I knew that they knew 
that I knew that they knew that I knew what they knew--

>it would've made me feel horrible...

(A beat.)
MMK [Gryphon]: Because I was sixteen.
Ranma X: God *damn* it!

>she was right, it would've. Turns out she kind of liked me too...one 
>of those things that make you go `huh?'..."

All: Huh?

>"Mm hmm..."

Vidstudent [Gryphon]: No, I said "huh?"
Rebecca [Priss]: Huh?
Vidstudent [Gryphon]: That's it.

>"Oh, Gods. Then I got to college and really lost 

Ranma X: --everyone's respect.

>it.
>Suddenly I had a zillion friends, most of them gweeps at first, and
>then, around October, I started getting in with the fringe elements,
>Zoner among them. 

S.D. [Gryphon]: It was love at first sight.

>One of the gweeps had caught my eye, when I first
>rejoined GweepCo, but she was involved with someone, so I 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: --had him 'dealt with'.

>chalked up to bad timing and went on. Little did I realize, then, 
>what would end up happening there.

S.D. [Gryphon]: "Three's a crowd", indeed.

>"Anyway...then there was Tricia." He smiled. "Tricia is the
>one I got lucky with. 

Jonatan: Oh, great... Gryphon's going to tell us he scored...

>She was in my calculus class, and kind of took
>me under her wing as I struggled with failing. 

Vidstudent: They have a course in failing?
Jonatan: It seems to be the only thing I'm taking these days.

>Then she got involved
>with the Wedge Rat crowd, and the people who lived at E7, where 

Tango [Gryphon]: My bishop was parked to keep her king from moving.

>Zoner lived. She started going out with his roommate Mark, who was a 
>friend of mine too. 

All: ...
(The intercom bursts with static.)
Mark [over intercom]: I deny all charges.
(Intercom shuts off.)

>We hung around a lot, and at first everything was cool."
>
>"And then it stopped being so cool?"
>
>"Ding.

MMK: She became Demi Moore?
Tango: Fries are up!
Jonatan [doctor]: Ah, I see you have a Gryphon that goes "ding".

>That was the worst thing I had endured up to that
>point. Around then, two people close to me and mine killed
>themselves, 

All: ...
Vidstudent: I'd make a joke here, but it would be too tasteless.
NeoVid: I could do it for you!
Vidstudent: No, thanks.

>and Zoner looked to be real close to following them. 
>I was failing everything I tried and losing my direction in life 
>in a big way. 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: No compass.
Tango [Gryphon]: That's right... Hopelessly Lost.

>My head was coming apart, and in the middle of this, I
>started to realize that It Was Happening Again." 

Ranma X: (TM).
Jonatan: This is the one where he loses his foot and replaces it with a hedge
trimmer, right?

>He sighed. "So I ditched for a while, hanging around in my room, 
>avoiding E7 and Tricia and Mark, because they were friends of mine, 
>and I wanted them to be happy. I didn't want to get them down being 
>depressed about it. They figured something was up and invaded my room
>one night, 

MMK [Gryphon]: And since we were within the boundaries of the same 
nation, the U.N. couldn't interfere.

>and we all talked until dawn...and that whole thing got worked out."
>
>"No kidding."

Vidstudent [Gryphon]: Okay, I'm lying again.

>"No kidding. 

(Static on the intercom.)
Mark [over intercom]: Hey, I speak fluid English!
Signus [over intercom]: No kidney! I speak fluid English, too!
(Intercom shuts off as the two are heard laughing.)
S.D.: What was *that* all about?

>All was cool, after that. Oh, sure, it hurt for
>a while, but there was no guilt, for once, 

Tango: Guilt probably just took a sabbatical leave.

>and that terrible feeling of lugging around the secret was gone. 
>They weren't uncomfortable around me, and showed a little respect 
>for the walking wounded.

Rebecca: You know, they didn't talk about him while he was there and made sure 
he gets ample space whenever he passes by...

>"And then..." He sighed again, a much deeper sigh this time.
>"Then there was Cheryl."

MMK [Harry Mason]: Have you seen a little girl? Short, black hair?

>"I get the feeling Cheryl was different than the others."

Jonatan [Priss]: What with the purple skin, horn, one eye and wings...

>"Yeah. Different is the word. And better. And a million
>times worse. See, she liked me, too. 

MMK [Gryphon]: Which was *weird*, man.
Jonatan: My word. That girl is different.

>We started hanging around together in mid-March, and by the end of 
>April we were pretty close. Then I went away."
>
>"Went away?"

MMK [Gryphon]: I went away.
S.D. [Priss]: Went away?
MMK [Gryphon]: On a boat.
S.D. [Priss]: A boat?
MMK [Gryphon]: With a goat.
S.D. [Priss]: A goat?
(A pause.)
MMK [Gryphon]: Is there an echo in here?
S.D. [Priss]: In here?
(A pause.)
MMK [Gryphon]: I was thirteen.
S.D. [Priss]: I was thirt--*aargh*!

>"I left WPI 

Tango: Pronounced "whoopie".

>on the last day of April. I was as close to insane as I think I had 
>ever gotten--maybe I actually had cracked by then. 

Tango: Like an eggshell on the mixing bowl of bitterness... to bake 
the cake of despair and suffering.
NeoVid: And put it all on the rocks of wretchedness.
MMK: Could you pass the peanuts of pathos?

>Anyway, we said our good-byes, and kept in touch. I called her
>every Saturday night, and racked up an impressive phone bill that my
>father spat blood about for months, 

MMK [Gryphon]: Don't worry. The life insurance and inheritance still went to me.

>and we wrote a lot. Then I got dimensionally displaced for the 
>first time, in early August. That kind of re-arranged my viewpoint on 
>a number of things, 

Tango [Gryphon]: Like LSD. LSD is now my friend.

>but that Saturday, out of reflex, I 

Tango [Gryphon]: --mooned my neighbors.

>called her, and found out that whoever I had been in that dimension 
>before I came along, I had been in the same situation."

All: Huh?

>"Weird."

Jonatan: No. *Confusing*.

>"No shit. So I called home, to see if I was expected back in
>Maine on Monday to work, and the response was, hell no, you're in
>school, what the hell's wrong with you? 

NeoVid: Want the list?
MMK: We'd give it, but they couldn't fit it in this theater.

>It was so bizarre. Suddenly I was back in Worcester. 
>I had a place to live and I was back in school...

S.D.: Back to unreality...
Jonatan [Gryphon]: And there was a test the day after, and I hadn't studied!
Oh no!

>life was starting to look pretty neat, even if Zoner was
>pissing and moaning about not having died a heroic death to save all
>creation." 

Rebecca: But then, he's always bitching about something or other...

>This drew a small grin from both of them;

MMK: The Mad Grin-Artist struck again!

>they had both heard him do it from time to time, in his darker moods.

Tango [Zoner]: Brood, brood, brood...
MMK [Gryphon]: Hey, Zoner! I--
Tango [Zoner]: Piss, piss, moan, moan...
MMK [Gryphon]: Uh... (edges away)

>"Whoever I had been, I had 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: --people out to get me. 

>managed to hang on for the summer session, but the general feeling 
>I got from all my friends who were natives of the dimension was that 
>it wasn't expected to make any difference. That pissed me off 

MMK [Gryphon]: --because being told that you're really stupid in 
*every* dimension is a pretty frustrating experience.

>enough that I passed the things I was in over the summer and got my ass off 
>academic probation. 

Jonatan: Listen up, kids. The moral of this story is "If you want to clear any 
academic problems, get dimensionally displaced."
Vidstudent: Failing that, writing yourself as a superhuman with high 
intellectual skills will suffice to an extent.

>Then regular classes started, first of September, and she came back to
>Worcester. Turned out I lived in the opposite end of the same
>apartment as her. That seemed to make her uncomfortable. 

MMK [Gryphon]: She didn't seem to think my security cameras should be placed in 
her shower for some reason.
Jonatan [Gryphon]: She also managed to barricade the hole I dug to her room, 
much to my surprise.

>I asked what the matter was, but I always got some kind of excuse. 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: I didn't even know she had a brother who was having his Bar 
Mitzvah... come to think of it, she wasn't Jewish before.
Rebecca [Gryphon]: And did it really take a week for hair to dry?

>Turned out it was because I was supposed to have been gone for good there, too.

Ranma X: But no dimension has been lucky enough to get rid of him yet.

>So there I was, feeling like I was back home, and she was acting like
>she didn't want me to be there. 

Ranma X: Don't worry. We understand her.

>Eventually she just said look, I'm not real comfortable right now, I don't 
>want to get involved with anyone. It's nothing personal, right? 

S.D. [Cheryl]: Now get off of my property.

>So I said yeah, suit yourself, and it pissed me off, but nothing I could 
>do, right? So I 

MMK [Gryphon]: --hired a hitman to take care of her.

>cried some, and that was that."
>
>"Except it wasn't."
>
>"Except it wasn't," he confirmed. 

S.D. [Priss]: It's eerie?
MMK [Gryphon]: Whoah! That echo's getting so bad, it's starting to speak before 
I do. It's eerie.
(A pause.)
S.D. [Priss]: A minute?
MMK [Gryphon]: Hey, wait a minu--
(A pause.)
Ranma X: Did I miss something? When the hell did vaudeville get incarnated?
[gets a pie in the face] ACK!

> "See, there was this guy named Eric."

S.D. [Gryphon]: He was my true love.
MMK [Gryphon]: I was thirteen.
(Ranma X twitches slightly.)

>"I hate it when that shit happens," Priss said, suddenly
>bitter. "You know they didn't deliberately lie to you, 

Vidstudent: Technically.

>but that doesn't make you feel any less betrayed, does it?"

NeoVid [Caesar]: Et tu, Brutus?

>"No," Gryphon replied, "it sure doesn't. And people started
>to get down on me about letting the hurt show--I was getting them
>down, they said, they couldn't enjoy being together completely if I
>was around, 

S.D.: I know how they feel.

>feeling hurt and making them guilty, so why didn't I just
>stop being a baby?" He ground his left fist into his right hand.

Jonatan: Yeah, be a man and keep those feelings bottled up inside where 
they belong. Sheesh.

>"Gods, that pissed me off. 

MMK [Gryphon]: I wanted to act like a baby. Where's my breastmilk?

>I've never been so mad as I was the first time Julia said that to me. 

(A beat.)
Vidstudent: Wait, who?

>I think if ReRob hadn't been there to stop me, I'd've killed her. 

Rebecca: Temper, Gryphon. Temper.

>Julia was the one who set Cheryl up with Eric in the first place. 

Vidstudent: Well, answers my question.

>She knew about me and the way I felt--she just didn't give a shit. 

Ranma X: Has she started a club that I could join?

>Real restorative for one's faith in humanity."

Jonatan: Oh, yes. Can't have people trying to get on with their lives like that, 
not when Ben's feeling insecure. Let's all pander to Ben's needs and urges like 
he's the only important person in the world. (sighs) Ben, you putz.
NeoVid: Whoa! Cool down, man.
MMK: Yeah, we can't enjoy ourselves while you're here showing your hurt and 
making us feel guilty about being together and enjoying ourselves.
Vidstudent: Jon, stop acting like a baby.
(A pause.)
MMK: Brilliance!
(Vidstudent facepalms.)

>"So you were pretty ripped up about that."
>
>"Yeah. Shit, I still am, to an extent. It was my first
>pseudo-real relationship, and it fucked me up when it just arbitrarily
>went to hell. 

Rebecca: They tend to do that, you know.

>So I got cold for a while, 

NeoVid [Snowden]: I'm cold.
MMK [Yossarian]: There, there.

>and I was still pretty trashed from it when Edison showed up and whisked
>me off to do med school, and then my residency, and then train with Master

NeoVid: --Bates.

>Caine for...

S.D.: So he trained with a guy from a TV show...
Vidstudent: And finished medicine...
Jonatan: Where did he do his residency then? The set of ER?
(A pause.)
MMK [Tuvok]: That is a logical explanation.

>Christ, I dunno how long that all took, I think Edison kind of
>`encapsulated' the time in my head. I figure I was gone from
>Worcester for maybe an hour, and my Worcester time is the one my
>memory runs along the line of...I don't know how to explain it,
>really. 

Rebecca: And we'd rather not hear it, thank you very much.

>Anyway, I was still pretty messed when I came here, which is
>probably why nothing happened to me for the first few months. But
>lately...it's been happening again. 

Tango [Gryphon]: I've been growing boobs.

>I can tell. I can feel it.

Tango [Gryphon]: Yep, definitely boobs.

>There's nothing I can do to stop it...so it looks like I'm on a
>collision course to messing up yet another friendship."

Ranma X: I'd rather you be on a collision course with something big, moving, and 
fast, but that's just me.

>"Hmm..." Priss seemed lost in thought for a moment. "All
>this comes down to the big question, you know. You can't avoid it
>forever."

NeoVid [exact TMC Man]: You can't avoid addiction... choose yours carefully!
[laughs hoarsely]

>"Big question?"

Jonatan: Forty-two.
Rebecca: Yeah, but what's the question?
(Jonatan frowns.)
Jonatan: Look, they destroyed my planet before we could find out, *okay*?

>"Yeah. You're gonna have to tell me who it is this time, sooner or later."
>
>"Aww. You don't want to keep guessing?"
>
>"I don't think that would take real long, 

S.D. [Priss]: Seeing as how it's either Leon, Mackie, or Zoner.
MMK: Hey, whatever floats your boat...

>but I'd rather you just said it. I think it'd make you feel better anyway."

NeoVid: Well, duh! Talking always makes Ben feel better.

>Gryphon went into the kitchen and got himself a Pepsi, dumping
>it over ice in his big glass mug, 

Vidstudent: Shaken, not stirred.

>and retrieved a Guinness and the appropriate glass for Priss on his 
>way back. 

Tango: The one that said "You're not naked enough."

>He didn't drink alcohol, himself, but he kept the Guinness around for 

S.D.: --whenever he needed to get someone drunk.

>those of his friends who did, beer being mostly harmless to the 
>upholstery and all. (He couldn't think of anyone but Joe who could 
>possibly puke after a beer,

MMK: Joe?
Tango: *The* Joe?
Jonatan: The one that lives on Prury Lane?
Tango: No, not him.
Jonatan: Oh, right.

>and Joe was several time zones away.) Then, sprawling on the couch
>again, he put a hand over his eyes and rubbed his forehead for a few
>minutes.

NeoVid: Soon, he had shaped his grey matter into a funny dog.

>He took a deep drink of the soda and set the mug down on the
>hardwood floor with a click, then said, "Linna."
>
>Priss finished taking a pull of the beer and replied, "Yeah, I
>thought so."

NeoVid [Priss]: And now I'm jealous!

>"Did you."

Ranma X: Actually, no. 

>"Next logical choice, after me."
>
>"Do tell, O modest one."
>
>"Well, look at it logically. 

Rebecca [Priss]: If not me, then who's the next closest female? 
Bingo.
S.D.: Logically? Is Priss a Vulcan or something?
Jonatan: The big hair is great for hiding those ears.

>Nene's a gweep. You've gotten ripped by a gweep once before, 

MMK: Gryphon was taken from a CD and copied onto a hard disk as an
MP3?

>so you'll naturally be a bit gun-shy about that, although to be 
>honest with you, I've watched the two of you work together 

Jonatan: "Work together", huh?
NeoVid: Priss, you voyeur you...

>on something a few times, and I think maybe there's
>something there that could work, given half a chance. 

Vidstudent: --or Ben booking it.

>But anyway. Sylia is, well, Sylia. We know her, and she's nice 
>enough, but she's not demonstrative. I think I've seen her smile 

Jonatan [Priss]: --and it really creeped me out, and I shot her and shot her
and shot her until the smile went away. Which is why this Sylia is now a Boomer.
Rebecca [Gryphon]: I knew that.

>maybe four times in all the time I've known her. Don't get me 
>wrong, she's a good friend, she'll go to the wall for any of us, 

Rebecca: I didn't think Sylia was into that sort of thing...
NeoVid: Tee hee hee...

>but she's cold. You're not the type to get worked up over 
>ice--although I notice Zoner is." 

MMK [Gryphon]: You should have seen Zoner at the Winter Olympics. Phew!
Jonatan: Zoner likes ice? And here I thought he'd stick to brownies and
gardening.

>Gryphon smiled at that; he, too, had noticed the increasing yen his colleague
>seemed to have for the good Dr. Stingray. 

Ranma X: Indeed, a good investment.
NeoVid: Was that stock-market humour again?
Ranma X: ...Huh. I'm not sure.

>"I don't know of any other women you know around here, so that would 
>leave Linna--

S.D.: Priss, there's still Mackie, Leon, and Zoner, remember?
Jonatan: I admire your will to keep the dream alive.
S.D.: Oh, thanks.
Jonatan: That was sarcasm.

>and you have been pretty nervous around her lately." She sat back against 
>the couch and

NeoVid: --let her strained jaw recover.

>looked up at him. "She is cute, isn't she?"

Jonatan [Priss]: I've got dibs on her already. Sucks to be you!

>"What would you know about that?"
>
>"Hey, I'm straight, but not blind." She drank some more. "I
>mean, you know what a good-looking guy looks like, right?"

Vidstudent: Put down the mirror, Ben.

>"I guess."

Tango [Gryphon]: Al Roker!

>"All right. Now we know what's going on. The question is,
>what are you going to do about it?"

NeoVid [Priss]: Whatcha gonna *do*, brother?

>"What do you mean, what am I going to do about it?" Gryphon
>asked. "I think that's pretty obvious, if you look at my past
>pattern. 

Rebecca [Gryphon]: Eat, sleep, whine a lot, fantasize about fictional 
characters...
Jonatan: Don't forget the grappling hook and stun gun.
Vidstudent: Those things have no place in conventional dating.
Jonatan: [acidly] Uh huh. Maybe in your strange little world.

>I'm going to suffer for a while, and eventually I'm going to
>screw up, and the whole thing's gonna blow up in my face. 

S.D.: Hey, Gryphon! Get out of my head!

>If I'm lucky, I'll jump dimensions again. If not I'll move to Taiwan 
>or something."

Jonatan: Sounds like a great plan.
NeoVid: Ranma's taking notes...
Ranma X: (Kicking something out of the way) Am not!

>"You could try asking her out, you know."
>
>"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard."

Tango [Gryphon]: And I've listened to Zoner talking about his hamster-
wheel-powered spaceship.

>"What's so stupid about it? People go out all the time."
>
>"I don't. 

Rebecca: We realized.
S.D.: This would be *why*, to a large extent.

>I don't know the first thing about it. Besides, look at me."

Vidstudent [Priss]: Ah... rather *not*...

>Taking his advice, she got up, took a few steps back, and did
>just that, nodding occasionally.

Jonatan [Priss]: You're right. Houston... we have a problem.

>"Ok, put in a little effort, and I don't see a problem," she
>said in a minute or so.

Rebecca [Priss]: Makeover time!

>"What?"
>
>"Well, look at it this way. You're already friends. It's not
>as if you have to make a first impression. 

S.D. [Priss]: She already thinks you're crazy. That's a start.

>Ok, so. Here's my plan. You get a good night's--er, day's--sleep,
>get a shower, 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: What's a 'shower'?
MMK [Priss]: ...I just realized why you don't date.

>all that kind of stuff. Then we'll do something nice with your 
>hair,

Tango [Priss]: I'm thinking PIGTAILS!

>trim the beard a little, and find some clean clothes in this 
>disaster zone. 

S.D. [Priss]: Ben Hutchins *is* Mitsukake!

>Tomorrow afternoon we're having trials. Practice, physicals, the whole
>schmear. 

(Rebecca is stunned.)
Rebecca: Good god. I was joking. I really was.

>Afterward, you move."

Jonatan [Priss]: To somewhere where nobody knows you, so that you have
a better shot of finding someone for a one-night stand or two.

>"That's ridiculous!"
>
>"What's so ridiculous about it? I think you've got a shot.

MMK: Long as it may be... it's still a shot.
Vidstudent: 'Sides, remember who's calling the shots?
MMK: Good point.

>She's not seeing anyone right now, and she told me a while back she
>was starting to get a little lonely...

Rebecca [Priss]: I was there to... *ahem* comfort her.

>she's gotten sick of the singles scene, though--too many 
>disappointments--so she's been reluctant to go out and get looking." 
She smiled and then, leaning a little closer,

Jonatan: --showing some fanservice...

>said confidentially, "She likes you."
>
>"You're kidding."

Tango [Priss]: Duh. Even you're not dumb enough to think that someone 
can like you.

>"Of course not. Would I kid about that at a time like this?

MMK [Gryphon]: Yes.
NeoVid [Priss]: I wouldn't be if you were writing me in character.

>She thinks you're cool, if a little nuts, but you're always so wrapped
>up in your work she's never gotten around to approaching you."

S.D.: --with a wire and a crossbow.
MMK: Yeah, speaking of which--
S.D.: I plead the fifth.

>Gryphon sat in silence and digested this for a while, then
>took a swig of his Pepsi and 

NeoVid: --burped.

>said, "Nah...couldn't be. I should be so lucky."

Vidstudent: I'll take "Songs of Australian Mariah Carey-wannabes" for $100.

>"People like you, Gryphon," said Priss. 

Rebecca [Priss]: Whether we want to or not.
Tango [Priss]: On pain of death by rabid weasels.

>"Just accept it."

MMK: Somehow, Nike's new tag line didn't sound right...

>He laughed, then stood up and looked serious. "Did you mean
>what you said earlier?"
>
>"About what? Oh. Duh. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I do love you,
>in my own warped way. 

Ranma X: --involving lots of leather and fast bikes.
Jonatan: Kinky, but... has been done.

>But if you tell anyone I ever said it, I'll
>deny it, and then kill you," she warned with a grin.

Rebecca: (raising her hand) He told me! Really!

>He grinned back. "Right. You know something?"
>
>"What?"

Ranma X [Gryphon]: You look really cute when you smile.

>He took a couple of steps and hugged her, even going so far as
>to kiss her gently. "I love you too...and you can quote me on that if
>you want to."

S.D. [Priss]: Not if I want to keep my reputation intact.

> He stepped back, then ran a hand over his hair, a
>nervous gesture which cropped up frequently at times like this. "You
>really think 

S.D.: ...not since meeting Gryphon.

>I've got a shot?"
>
>"Absolutely."
>
>"Well, if you say so..."

Tango: So!
NeoVid: Sew!
S.D.: Soe!
Jonatan: Sow!
MMK: Fifth studio album!

>The next day, Gryphon stood in the lab,

Rebecca: This was back before science had to have any specific *point*.
Jonatan: Science exists not to find the right answers, but to posit the right 
questions.
S.D.: That's kinda...
Jonatan: Or, if you ask my fiancée's other personality, to bring fear and terror 
to the world and those that stand against you.

> watching through the window as Linna confronted the holosimulator. 

MMK [Linna]: Holosimulator... I'm pregnant... with your child!
Rebecca [Linna]: You've been seeing Priss behind my back, haven't you?
Vidstudent [holosimulator]: Did not. Bitch.
Rebecca [Linna]: Skank.

> Glancing down at the panel, he noted its difficulty level: eight, 
out of a possible ten.

S.D. [Bubbles]: But please Professor, I can take level eleven: I'm HARDCORE!

>No one else in the room had managed to beat it on level eight yet.

Jonatan: Hooboy. Wanna bet who manages to do it later in the fic?
Ranma X: We don't take sucker bets.

>His own personal best was six.

Jonatan: The Beast had a human number, after all...

> As he watched, Linna backed up two steps as it advanced, dodged 
seven or eight tentacles,

(All MOTers cringe on principle.)
MMK: Whoah! That reminds me of Neme--
Vidstudent: Don't.
MMK: But--
Vidstudent: Just don't.
NeoVid: I feel so out of the loop here.

>parried three more, and then launched herself in a complex 
>flying kick that 

NeoVid: --should have been reserved for a Feng Shui character.

>wound up scoring a "defeat" on the scorecomp.

Tango: That's nice, but can you beat my "Hopping Mongoose"-style 
Kung Fu?
Ranma X: That doesn't even exist.
MMK: Sez *you.*

>He blinked. There was a hand on his shoulder, suddenly.

Tango: Damn you, Thing!
Vidstudent: This was the silliest part of Jurassic Park, I thought.

>Glancing to the side, he saw it was Priss.

Ranma X: 'Cause that's the best part of Priss.
MMK: I'm with you there.
Jonatan: (suddenly stands up) That's not Priss! It's one of the Kung Fu 
Creatures on a Rampage!
NeoVid: III!

>"Feeling intimidated?" she whispered, leaning close.

S.D: Only because his manhood is so, oh so tiny.
Tango: How do you know this?
S.D: Internet journalists.

>Gryphon could manage only an ironic chuckle in reply.

Rebecca: When all else fails... go for jaded.

>"Don't be."

MMK [Priss]: You can be my Urotsukidoji anytime... (giggles)
Vidstudent: MMK...

>At that, he could only repeat the chuckle.

NeoVid [Priss]: Oh, boy... he's looping again. Better hit him fast...
Tango [Cyclops]: Dreams don't die!
Rebecca: Tango, my metal hand is getting sore.
Tango: Please?
Rebecca: Oh, all right. (She baps him) Grant Morrison ON!
Tango [Cyclops]: Fry Piggie!
Jonatan: I sense a beautiful relationship between these. And that's wrong on
so many levels.

>"She's human, same as you. Just a little faster."
>
>"A lot faster."

Tango: Faster like the goddamn blue pill.
MMK: Faster like Barry Allen.
Tango: Faster like that little whirlygig ride at the fairground.
MMK: The one that guarantees five buckets of vomit or your money back?
Tango: Hell yeah! That rules!
MMK: Like Donkey Kong!
Tango: Yeah! I wanna be a monkey!
MMK: Whoo!

>"Whatever. Just don't let it bother you. C'mon, you're
>Shaolin, you can do anything, remember?"

NeoVid: Only so long as it's in flashback AND slow-motion.
Jonatan: Instantly, Gryphon remembered that he was the One.
Vidstudent [Gryphon]: I know kung fu.

>"Right." Don't let it bother me, she says. Hah. "`I am
>Caine. Come to Chinatown. I will help you.'" He chuckled as he
>remembered his inscrutable, yet so simple, master.

S.D.: And yet his master had the benefit of having a protective mark on his 
forehead.
MMK: Wrong Caine.
S.D.: Then his master had the benefit of being the ancient Elf God of warfare and 
destruction.
MMK: Wrong Caine.
S.D.: So his master was the half-brother of an undead wrestler who was burned in 
the fire that killed their parents and had to live through his life wearing a 
red mask?
MMK: Nope, wrong Caine, but that would have been freaking cool.
S.D.: Rosebud was his sleigh?
MMK: Nope.
S.D.: Well, then, this master had the benefit of being a vampire rescued by the 
bizarre forces of the Planet.
MMK: No, that was Demi Moore. The Caine you're looking for is the frontman of
Our Lady Peace.
Tango: That's Raine Maida.
MMK: Oh. Author of Catch 22?
Tango: Joseph Keller.
MMK: *Damn*! Then I don't know who Gryph's master was.
Tango: Bridget Fonda.
S.D., MMK: Thanks.

>"That's the spirit," said Priss, slapping his shoulder. 

NeoVid: Gryphon then burst into tears like the little sissy girl he is. He would 
never, ever stop.

> Then she walked to the curl bar for the upper-body-strength test.

Jonatan: Cue Gainax factor!

>A second or so later, as he watched Linna go for Round 2
>against the simulator,

Rebecca: I hate multi-stage boss-monster fights.

> he felt another hand on his shoulder.
>Glancing, he saw Nene looking up at him with 

Ranma X: --the back of her head. How she was doing it was anyone's guess.

>narrowed eyes.

MMK [Nene]: Meet my lawyers, Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson.

>"Mind telling me just what's going on?" she whispered
>conspiratorially.

Tango [Nene]: Rosebud...

>"I beg 

NeoVid [Nene]: Not good enough! I'm going to kill you anyway!

>your pardon?"
>
>"You and Priss left together last night," Nene said with that
>tone of voice that only someone who has done some detective work and
>is immensely pleased with herself can generate.

Ranma X: Actually, that gossipy bitch down the street from my apartment sounds 
the same way...

> "Her bike was still here this morning. Did you two spend the night 
together? Hmm?"

TANGO [Gryph]: No, we just had sex.
MMK [Nene]: Oh, *that's* okay then.

>"For pity's sake, Nene. Not only is that question irrelevant,

Jonatan [Gryphon]: It is also highly illogical.
NeoVid [Gryphon]: I am SI. Resistance is futile.

>it's none of your business."
>
>"You did, didn't you!"

NeoVid [Nene]: It's written all over your face!
Tango [Priss]: Good thing I wrote "kill him before he does me again" on 
his forehead.
MMK [Gryphon]: Uh... you see, I have this condition where I
forget everything every fifteen minutes...

>"Shh! No, we did not." Technically, he was lying. 

Vidstudent: --sort of like "technically, Clinton told the truth".
S.D.: It's always Clinton with you, isn't it.

> He had gone over and sprawled on his bed after the main topic of their
>conversation was finished; she had sat down on the edge, 

NeoVid [singing]: Living on the edge!

>and they had talked about other things long into the night,

Tango [Gryphon]: PC cooling systems. Rubber ducks. Invisible Elves. Toast. You 
know, stuff.

> until eventually, she tipped over and fell asleep, at which point 
>Gryphon, suddenly without

Ranma X: --a clue.
Rebecca: "Suddenly?"

>a conversation partner to keep him from dozing off, had fallen asleep
>as well.

Rebecca: Wow, Gryphon bores even himself.
Vidstudent: And when he looks in the mirror, he flinches.

> They had had several good laughs about it that morning, but
>were agreed that the situation was just generally all wrong for Dire
>Straits.

S.D: But not wrong for swinging with a sultan.

>Still, he knew what Nene meant, so he wasn't really lying; he
>was answering her question.

Vidstudent: So, he was lying while telling the truth.
MMK: No, he was telling the truth when he lied.
Rebecca: I think he was lying about telling the truth.
Jonatan: So he's lying then?
Tango: But, of course!
MMK: Could he have told the truth when he lied?
(All ponder this.)
S.D.: He was just answering her question.
NeoVid: Eh, works for me.
Jonatan: Right. Perfectly logical explanation.
MMK: We can all finally sleep nights.
(A beat.)
Ranma X: ...I don't get it.
(Others try to hide their chuckling.)
Tango [to Ranma X]: Is the answer to this question 'no'?
Jonatan: Oh, leave him alone.

>"Oh, go on," Nene went on, prodding him.

Ranma X: The burns from the cattle prod would never fade.

>"You were just talking about something pretty personal, I could tell."

Rebecca: They were having a relationship, Nene. People do it.
Tango: She has relationships! She and her overclocked rig at home have been 
going steady for two months now!

>"So are we. Does that mean we're heading off for the
>occasional late-night rendezvous, and if so, why haven't I been
>informed until now? 

Ranma X: You haven't been informed until now because you're a dunce. Sorry.

>I hate it when I miss important events of my own
>personal life, after all. Have I been missing a whole 

NeoVid [Gryphon]: --90% of my brain? I thought it was 95%!

>affair?" It amused Gryphon almost to no end that he was denying something 
>he had actually done...

MMK: Because I deny things I've done all the *time*. 
Tango: No, you don't.
MMK: Goddamnit, YES I DO!
Tango: Really? Cool!

>"Oh, you're impossible. You'll tell me, sooner or later.
>Just wait." Nodding in assurance, she went away. Gryphon sighed.

MMK [Gryphon]: Yeah... she digs me.

>Just then Zoner entered the room and sidled up behind him.

Jonatan: What, is the entire cast lining up to check on his dirty deeds? Who's 
next, Largo? Daley? Sho's mother?

>"What were you doing last night?" he asked.

Rebecca [Gryphon]: Priss.
Tango [Zoner]: You were impersonating her?
Rebecca [Gryphon]: No, I was "doing" Priss.
Tango [Zoner]: You were listening to her albums?
Rebecca [Gryphon]: Not listening to her albums, I was "doing" her.
Tango [Zoner]: You were dressing up in her clothes?
Rebecca: Urk... there's an image I didn't need.
Tango: Wiigii!

>"Get fucked, Zoner," Gryphon snapped. Zoner blinked.

Jonatan [Zoner]: He's on to me. Damn.

>"Gryphon, you're next," Sylia declared as Linna beat the
>simulator again. 

Rebecca [Linna]: Ha! Take that, bitch!
S.D. [Linna]: Who's your armor-clad mommy? Who?

>"You're 

Ranma X: --repulsive.

>at level seven today."
>
>"Joy," replied Gryphon in a tone that conveyed anything but.
>"I've never cleared seven."

All: FORESHADOWING!

>"Call it a personal goal then," Sylia replied. "You've been
>practicing, haven't you?"

Jonatan: I wouldn't call tiddly-winks as adequate martial arts training, but 
whatever floats your boat.
MMK: HARDCORE TIDDLYWINKS~!
Jonatan: [blinks] You know, I've been repressing that memory for some time now.

>"Of course," Gryphon replied. "It's just that I haven't had a
>lot of time, working on 

Jonatan [Gryphon]: --my online fanfiction and all...

>the weapons upgrades for you and all."

Jonatan: [snaps his fingers] Damn.

>"Touche, Gryphon. 

Rebecca [Sylia]: ...whatever the hell that means...
MMK [Sylia]: ...or how the hell I said that in Japanese...
NeoVid: Actually, Japanese borrows words from other languages all the time.
MMK: Thanks, Doctor Pedantic!

>Just do your best." Sylia joined Zoner at the console.

Jonatan: IfyouknowwhatImean.

>"Go get 'em, Gryph," Linna said, slapping his 

S.D.: --face, like she should have done a long time ago.

>hand as they passed each other at the door, like two basketball players 
>passing each other during a player swap. 

(The speakers suddenly play the "Slam Dunk" TV anime's opening theme.)
Mark [over intercom]: Hehe... couldn't resist.

>The door clanged shut and Gryphon was alone in the chamber where 
>lurked his personal demon: 

MMK: Alcohol and drug abuse.

> the holographic aggressor.

Tango [Gryphon]: Mummy! The Hologram's being mean to me again!

>Gryphon's dislike of the holo-aggressor was a simple one.

Rebecca: It took his teddy.

> His form was a tactile one, relying a great deal on things like 
>the sounds made by the enemy,

Tango: And cheese.

> the traces of wind made by the enemy's movements,

Jonatan: And cheese.

>even the smell of the enemy

Ranma X: --like cheese--

> --all things the hologram lacked.

NeoVid: Did we mention cheese?
S.D.: Don't think so.

> Without that, and without any form of feedback at all from his attacks,
>Gryphon constantly felt like he was shadow-boxing. 

S.D.: Publicly masturbating, even.

> He enjoyed

S.D.: --public masturbation--

>shadow-boxing, but not when things were coming at his head.

NeoVid: Yeah, even though being able to reach that far deserves bragging 
rights, you've got to watch that angle--
(NeoVid is pummeled by Ranma X.)
Ranma X.: Sorry, took me a minute to realize what he was talking about.

>"You will have four attack opportunities during this run,"
>Sylia's voice advised him over the speakers. "Don't waste them."

Vidstudent [Sylia]: Recycle.
All: Go Planet!

>Gryphon nodded and assumed the ready stance Master Caine had
>taught him. 

Tango: Why it looked so much like a guy standing on one leg holding a pile of 
laundry and yodeling, we'll never know.

> The years--they must have been years, he was certain of
>it--he had spent learning the ways of the Shaolin from Kwei-Chang
>Caine had been almost a whirlwind, a blur, and at both ends, there had
>been Edison, smiling. 

NeoVid: I just got this image of Nelson as Edison.
MMK [Edison]: Ha ha!

>Gryphon didn't know how long he had been with
>Caine--the man never seemed to age, and Edison had played tricks with
>time on his mind,

Ranma X: Damn him and his newfangled electricity!

> but he estimated that it must have been at least a
>decade. And yet he didn't feel ten years older since that first
>encounter with Edison; 

Jonatan: It only seemed longer because of the reruns.
Vidstudent: Ain't that the truth...

> just two or three, the time he had spent in
>Worcester and MegaTokyo. He remembered every minute he had spent with
>Caine, every day and night, 

S.D.: You know...
(Jonatan holds up a hand.)
Jonatan: Yes, we can all detect the homosexual subtext in that sentence.
S.D.: Okay, just making sure.

>and yet if he tried to concentrate 

MMK: --his brain made a sizzling sound.

>on the whole span of them instead of any particular memory, the whole 
>package slipped out of his mental fingers, 

Rebecca: They must be buttered mental fingers.
NeoVid: Hmmm... butterfingers...

>like the contents of an hour in a busy workday. 

Jonatan: Like a quickly unraveling metaphor, even.

>He wondered, sometimes,

>about Edison's role in all this.

Ranma X [Edison]: I'm just the messenger.
MMK: Don't mind *him,* he's just a poor player who struts and frets his hour 
upon the stage.

>Not now, though. Now, he had work to do. "Ready?" He nodded. "Go!"

NeoVid: Shi!
Jonatan: San!
Vidstudent: Ni!
Rebecca: Ichi!
MMK [Raiden]: HEY! *POOBAH*!

>The holo-aggressor materialized, and he concentrated 

MMK: --his brain making that sound, and smoke coming out of his ears.

>on defeating it. All other thoughts vanished from his mind.

MMK [singing]: Yeah... I know where you're from... and that's what makes 
it so much nicer to defeat you!

>"That's a victory," Sylia announced as the holo-aggressor
>dissolved around his knifed hand. "An excellent performance,
>Gryphon."

Tango: Righteous, dude!
(Tango and NeoVid air-guitar.)

>Gryphon turned and bowed to the window, a smile on his face,
>before walking to the door and exiting.

Jonatan: No, story, I didn't find it that... (looks again) oh, EXITING!

>"Reflex speed, 7.74," Sylia proclaimed as he emerged. "You've
>improved."

Tango [Gryphon]: Yes! My mastery of the holographic simulator is but the first 
step towards my ultimate goal... of ruling the universe! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 
(A pause.)
Tango [Gryphon]: Man, did I say that out loud?

>"I try to get more fiber these days."

MMK [Gryphon]: So I added polyester to my diet.

>"7.74?" inquired Zoner. "Not bad, nature boy, not bad."

MMK [raises four fingers]: Whoo! Whoo!
Tango: Whoo! 
(Tango does a spectacular Flair Flop and twitches around on the floor, bleeding 
profusely from the forehead. Tango stands up only to take a massive knife-edge
chop to the chest that knocks him over again.)
MMK: Whoo! 
(MMK begins strutting. Tango goes for an Irish Whip, but MMK reverses and
Tango does a Flair Flip over his seat.)
MMK, Tango: Whoo!
Ranma X: Breaking news! I hate you all.

>"Bite me, wirehead, I'm a nutritious part of this complete
>breakfast," Gryphon replied, rubbing his hair vigorously with a towel.

S.D: Nine out of ten nutritionists recommend him, too!
Rebecca: I'll just have coffee, thank you.

>His brow creased as he regarded the sweaty mess, some of which was
>actually long enough for him to look at.

NeoVid [Gryphon]: Dammit, I look like Mankind.

> "Hmm...Things We Never Thought About In The Middle Of The Night, 
>No. 146," he mused.
>
>"Hm?"

MMK [Gryphon]: I'm trying to remember what the translations of Kyo
Kusanagi's moves are.

>"Oh, nothing. What's next?"

Rebecca: Self-love and grandstanding.
Tango: Yippee!

>"Upper body strength. Grab the bar, plug in, and let's see
>what you can do."

NeoVid: Gryphon then performed his striptease dance with the bar...
(A pause.)
Vidstudent: Ewww...
S.D.: Bad NeoVid! Bad!
NeoVid: Thank you, thank you. I've got a million of em, and I'll be here 
all night.
Jonatan: Unfortunately, so will we.

>"I think there's a problem with our plan, Priss old pal,"

Tango [Gryphon]: I have no idea where we're going to get liquid nitrogen 
at this time of night.

>Gryphon observed as he shrugged into his checkered flannel shirt and
>buttoned it up.

MMK: INTENSE. BUTTONING. ACTION!

>"What?"
>
>"I'm bloody exhausted." 

Ranma X: I'll settle for him being just bloody.

> He started to lace up his left The Pump. "I don't think I could go out 
tonight if I tried."

MMK [Gryphon]: You'll have to hunt alone.
Rebecca [Priss]: Eh, more for me then.

>"I--yawn--

Vidstudent: --since I just read this story.

>know what you mean, but you're just gonna have to
>bite the bullet and do it," Priss replied, 

Ranma X: I'm praying to the gods that she meant that literally.

> pulling on one of her boots. "You sure you don't have any reserves of 
>energy packed away anywhere?"

Jonatan [Gryphon]: Sure! Where's me spinach?
MMK [Gryphon]: Nope. I missed the Sub-Tank in Wire Sponge's stage.

>"Unless you count the caffeine in the Pepsi I'm about to buy,
>no."

Vidstudent: He forgot to load up his Energy Tanks and Hearts.
Rebecca: What is it with him and saying Pepsi all the time?
Tango: Product placement! It's what's for dinner!

>"Well, you'll have to tough it out the hard way then. You
>don't want to let your window slip by, after all."
>
>"Window?"

Vidstudent: The one they're going to throw you out of.
NeoVid: Hey, Gryphon, Microsoft called. They say you don't have a license!

>"Yeah. Nene told me she was sick 

Vidstudent [Gryphon]: --of me.

>and tired of waiting for the girl to get off her butt and get out, so 
>tomorrow night she's going to set Linna up with some guy she knows from 
>work."
>
>"A cop?"
>
>"Kind of. 

Jonatan: Say what?
S.D.: He's only quasi-cop. He's a diet cop. Only one calorie. Not cop enough.
Vidstudent: He just wanders around crime sites holding a cup of coffee and wails 
at other cops about how much work he has to do.

> He works in the computer division." Priss tapped
>the base of her skull meaningfully with a fingertip. Gryphon's face
>went slightly pale.

Tango [Gryphon]: THEY'RE IN MY SKULL! Agragragrahhh... [froths]

>"A jackhead?" he hissed in an outraged whisper.

Tango: You know... in a way... all guys are jackheads. Really.
[All the males ponder this, then nod.]

>"Yep, and what's worse, he's part of their new Internet Crimes
>Investigation Division."
>
>Gryphon flushed red. "An iceman! This is outrageous!

MMK [Gryphon]: How dare he be... as Cool as Ice?
(All groan.) 
NeoVid: But could he be... Cooler Than Chris? 

> What can Nene be thinking?!"

NeoVid: I don't know. Let me call Professor X first...
Jonatan: Eh, just call the Athena Psychic Hotline...

>"Desperation, I'd say."
>
>"Nene's a gweep, for pity's sake. For a gweep to try to set
>one of her friends up with some jackheaded iceman--it's perverse!

NeoVid: If I knew what those terms meant, I might care. Wait... no, I wouldn't.

>Worse than that, it's heretical!" His jaw set with 

Tango: --concrete. That should shut him up.

>determination as he picked up his coat and hauled it on. "This isn't a 
>personal matter anymore. It's a jihad!" He took a step toward the garage.

Rebecca: Get off your soapbox, Ben. Nobody's listening but the pigeons.

>"Gryphon, don't do anything dumb," Priss cautioned, 

Rebecca [Priss]: ...like you usually do.

> grabbing her own jacket and following.
>
>Gryphon laughed. "I'm not, I'm kidding. Kind of. It is
>sick, though. Nene is capable of being more twisted than any of us
>can even imagine." 

Jonatan: It's always the nice, quiet ones.
Tango: Guess they haven't seen her old baby photos yet...
(A pause.) 
Vidstudent: I don't want to know. I don't want to know.
Tango: Smart guy.

>They left the locker room for the garage; Linna
>was heading for her car.

S.D.: She's making a break for it!
Rebecca: Intense leaving the training room action!

>"It's now or never, sport," Priss muttered into his ear.
>
>"Right. This is a matter of pride, now...I have to do it, not
>just for me, but for gweeps everywhere." 

Jonatan: Then, he powerposed...
NeoVid: ...with a blazing Japanese sun behind him...
S.D.: ...even though he's not Japanese.
Jonatan: Because there were conventions to follow, you know.

>Gryphon squared his shoulders 

Vidstudent: --and, interestingly enough, came up with "a suffusion of yellow."

> and walked toward her; behind him, Priss rolled her eyes 

Tango: --then went running after them before they rolled into the gutter.

>and twirled a fingertip next to her temple.

Rebecca: Girl speaks for the rest of us.

>About then, Nene emerged from the locker room 

MMK: --and ambushed Gryphon with a sledgehammer!
NeoVid: That would be so freaking cool!
(MMK and NeoVid high-five.)

>to see Gryphon h