*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* 

Indie Madnesse proudly presents: 

IMPROFICROAST: Improvisational MiSTing 
               or
               How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Come Up With Riffs In
               Two Days
               http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net/ifroast.htm

Episode 010: The Ultimate Test




Participants: 
-Zeek Silverfire (twarner@erinet.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest Villain
-Magitek Master (magitekmaster@home.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Yaoi
-Dr. Thinker (winkstwo@sssnet.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Horrid Spelling
-Kate Malloy (kamalloy@home.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Occasional 
Voice of Reason
-NeoVid (neovid@hotmail.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Nutbar
-Ranma X (drstupid@geocities.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Dark 
Brooding Angst
-Midnight Star (midnight_star_13071@yahoo.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Catgirl Fanservice
-Ripper Jak (WYVERN5555@aol.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Furvert Gunslinger
-Zemyla (pad53945@sci.tamucc.edu) Compiling, Helpful
-Jonatan Streith (a99jonst@student.his.se) Editor, Cat Herder

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* 

OBLIGITARY LEGAL BLAH

        MST3K & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best 
Brains Inc.
        Pokemon and its characters are copyright... some company or other, 
of which none of us have a controlling interest.
        Author avatars are owned and copyrighted by their respective 
authors. 
        "The Ultimate Test" belongs to Felixman and was MSTed with 
permission. No offense towards the author was intended with this MSTing.

MISTING CLASSIFICATION 

[MST]:    Meta-Misting - Misting Of A Misting, Or A Unusual Misting
          The misting was completely improvised; see the ImproFicRoast 
          home page for more details. 
[NONE]:   Era Unknown or Unspecified
          The cast and characters are completely independent of the 
          "Mystery Science Theater 3000" Storyline. 
[PROSE]:  General Fiction Works
          The original story is regular Pokemon fanfiction.



*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* 


As the theatre loomed in the darkness, there was one person inside
it... A knight, in purple robes, with a sword strapped to his back...

"Gods...I hate to do this...but I guess I don't have a choice...Who to
get though, I know this theatre has all those devices and switches that
can tell me where each of the buggers are, even me, which I will need
to remove while they are busy in the damn theatre." The knight looked
over the various screens and examined them for potential victims.

"Just got to remember, if it's not them, it'll be me, and I don't
want to."

----------------------------

"Joy. More Oprah." muttered a very grouchy Magitek Master. She floated up
to a very large television and changed the channel, sighing as she did so.
"Talkshows suck." Before she could complain any more about the plight
of Daytime TV, her left eye disappeared, leaving only her right one,
a large toothy mouth, and a small halo floating above them all. "Not
again." She disappeared in a small puff of logic.

----------------------------

In the area known as the Fifth Dimension, there are many portals. In
fact, there are so many you never know what worlds you're going to land
in next. It could range from a world in which Scrappy-Doo never existed
to a world in which Supergirl lived thought the Crisis and wore less
clothing. Well okay, maybe the clothing bit was a bit too far, but there
are dimensions in which you could have a good time.

Unfortunately, the being known as Mr. Knht was not having one of those
good times.  First, he decided to pick a fight with Mr. Myxzpltk, that
purple imp who ended up kicking Mr. Knht into a portal that led to the
land of Digimon. Mr. Knht wasn't the biggest fan of Digimon, you see. He
managed to escape, only to have an alternate-universe Doctor Wily get
upset at him and kick him back.

Just as he found another portal into the Marvel universe, he came across
a a familar face from the DC world. Course, he wasn't in the best shape
to question WHY. Better yet, Knht had no idea WHY it wasn't a Superman
villian (It was Flash's, actually), and he was trying to figure out what
was going on when the two robots came along and asked for him.

"Scuse me?" Abra Kara, the master magician from the year 64 said to the
lead robot.  "Can't I deal with him first?"

"'Fraid not, sir," the robot said with the utmost courtesy. "We were
instructed to return Mr. Knht alive to our dimension for participation
in a sensitive experiment."

"Ah," Kara said, snapping his fingers. "You can take him."

Mr. Knht was transported dragging and screaming into another portal,
where his day would get even worse...

------------------------

Kate stood outside the door to her apartment, searching for her keys.

"It's good to be back," she remarked to no one in particular, as she
rummaged through one of her suitcases. "And it'll be nice to see everyone
again, too. Aha!"

Triumphantly, she held up the keys. "Knew I had them around here
somewhere. Okay, now let's hope the guys didn't leave too much of
a mess..."

She stuck the keys in the lock, turned the knob, and opened the door.

As soon as she turned the lamp on, her jaw dropped at the sight.

"Oh my... it's so... so..."

She leaned against the wall, steadying herself.

"...clean! I don't think I've ever seen the place looking this good!"

Smiling brightly, she retrieved her suitcases from the hall and set them
down inside the apartment. "I'm going to have to really thank Mark and the
others when I see them. Guess I'll have to head to IM Studios soon and-"

The green portal that opened directly underneath her feet stopped any
further remarks.

----------------------------

"Jeez, someone's really scraping the bottom of the barrel to get
minions..." NeoVid was disinterestedly watching the team of androids that
had jumped him. The fact that they were made of paper-maché accounted
for his lack of fear.

"Surrender or face our wrath," the first android said in a rustly
voice. Being constructed from newspaper made it hard to sound scary.

"Or else what?" NeoVid asked, smirking. "One lighter and I'd have you
beat..."

The lead android paused. "Uh... we can give you paper cuts?" NeoVid
just crossed his arms.  "Look, man," the droid went on, "we're just
supposed to make sure you touch this teleport pad thing, and then we can
leave. So would you just save us all some trouble and do it?"  It held
out a glowing disc.

NeoVid shrugged. "OK." He touched it with one finger, then disappeared
in a *foomp*.

The droids relaxed. "Whew, good thing that's over... aw $#!+, it's
starting to rain..."

----------------------------

Ranma X. was sitting in his room, avoiding the heat of summer and in
general relaxing. He had seen 2 episodes of MST3K, finished his fourth RPG
of the month and was now realxing with Sonic Adventure 2 and a six pack.

In short, he stopped feeling evil.

"God damn life is sweet," he noted.

Then, suddenly, the doorbell rang. Ranma X. Stod up and answered the door.

"Yes? Who is it?"

"Zombie Pirates R Us," groaned the person outside.

"Hmm...I don't remeber ordering Zombie pirates, but...okay!" Ranma
X. letting his good mood make him naive and careless. He opened the door
where a skeletal figure wearing a bandana and an eyepatch clubbed Ranma
X. with the hilt of a cutlass over his head like a baby seal.

Ranma X. was out cold which was probably good, since the amount of
"yar!"s, "hardies" and "mateys" used would have driven hm to suicide.

----------------------------

Midnight star,a blue plugsuited cat-girl with silver hair,ashen blue eyes
and black wings, wiggled her ears as she watched her author raw. "What
are you drawing?"

Melissa Dominguez,her creator, looked up and pushed her black hair back
as she pushed her glasses up.

"I'm trying to draw a dragon. Which really sucks."

Midnight Star suddenly meowed and blinked when a tingling went through
her body. "Gyah! 1 to beam up! Yahayyoie!" Melissa blinked her brown
eyes rapidly and shook her head while laughing. "Looks like my kitty is
being beamed to action."

----------------------------

Thankfully, the seventh wasn't hard to find.

The androids assigned to bring in the subject known as Ryan "Ripper"
Jakobi found him in a used mechanoid lot called "Crazy Palmer's", which
specialized in mechanoid parts from brand names such as GenCon, Yamoto,
and Shinra. Mostly Shinra, but that wasn't the point.

"Listen, I don't care what you think," Ryan said, a bit angry, "but I'd
like a replacement part immediately!"

The salesman, a pudgy looking man that looked strangely like the pointy
haired boss in Dilbert, scratched his head as if listening. "Look,
I told you," he said, "it says all sales are final and no adjustments
unless customer satisfaction is not guarenteed."

"Guarenteed? My Mech is spouting Nineteenth Century Gothic poetry and
that's not enough to warrant satisfaction guarenteed?"

"Let me talk to my manager." The salesman turned, only to get stopped
by a warning shot over the head. He turned to see Ryan cocking the
Sternsnacht Python again.

The salesman smiled. "On second thought. Maybe I need to get another
tech to replace the Model 80."

"Good man," Ryan replied, and sheathed his gun.

As the salesman went back into the shop, the four androids came up to
him. One tapped on his shoulder.

"Are you Ryan Jakobi?" the robot asked.

Ryan blinked. "Experiment?"

"Yes, sir."

A silence, then R. Jak sighed. "Will one of you watch the Mech?"

An android volunteered. R. Jak gave him the warranty and he left in the
custody of the other three. It was like he didn't care anymore.

---------------------------- It was dark in the hall. Six people and
one... er... thing rose from unconsciousness and realized with a groan
that they were back into torture. Well, at least those who'd been
here before.

"Y'know, when I said I was going to have to come to the studio and see
everyone, I didn't mean *this*," Kate remarked.

Midnight Star opened her eyes and looked around as she spread her
wings to be ready to fly out of the nearest exit. "I'm not in Oklahoma
anymore." She silently mumbled.

Magitek Master appeared one part at a time, grumbling as soon as her mouth
was present. "I swear, if this is another PJ fic, someone's gonna die."

"I HATE IT WHEN SOMEONE GETS THE DROP ON ME." Mr. Knht paused and
switched his voice from PSX Spiderman intimidation mode to normal. "I
mean, who ever kidnapped need a visit from my cosuin."

"That had to be Mr Khnt..." NeoVid mumbled, waiting for the lower half
of his body to show up. "And I know where I must be, then..."

"Hi Neo."

NeoVid turned around, seeing R. Jak walk from the concession stand
with an obscenely large package of Milk Duds. He sat down next to Kate,
who was busy adjusting to the low light.

"Torture theater, right?" Ranma X said, trying to figure out why he
kept seeing everything twice. Then he let out a gut-churning groan and
thumped his head back on the table.

R. Jak looked around for a minute, then opened the box and helped himself
to some chocolate goodies. "Who are the new people?" he said finally.

"I'm Midnight Star. Goofy plugsuit wearing catgirl." She said with a
small curtsie. Her ashen blue eyes had a strange grey glowing on the
edges of them.

"A catgirl... In a plugsuit? I think someone spiked the cheddar..." MM
blinked several times.

Midnight Star snickered. "I could always just prance around without
my plugsuit."

"Well, hello there then, nice lady," NeoVid replied, filling up a large
soft drink at the fountain. "Just a word of advice. Stay away from the
guy in the gray trenchcoat. He has a hankering for your species if you
get my drift..."

"The only thing you're gonna get is a boot to the head, heretic," R. Jak
growled. He offered some Milk Duds to Kate, who declined.

Midnight Star looked at NeoVid oddly for a few minutes then shook her
head and looked over at R. Jak. "How much of a hankering do you have
for catgirls?" She asked with a smalll evil smile.

MM sighed. "I'm not new to this whole thing. I've been forced to view
several PJ fics, and I think I've been abducted again. I like cheese,
Gundam Wing, and little packets of tang. Don't ask what I am." One of
MM's many Inspector Gadget-esque hands reached out of her mouth and
polished her halo.

Kate blinked. "Ooookayyy..."

"We feel your pain," Ranma replied, shivering, for some reason, from an
image of spiders.

"So, who's the Mad? Woofer? Mark? Mervyn the Wonder Slug?"

"Yah," Mr. Knht said, lugging a package of Reese's Pieces twice the size
of him from behind the candy counter. "He not show. Maybe he folget thre
a crew here for totrure."

"No one's THAT stupid..."

"You came didn't you?" A voice came from the speakers on the theatre
control room. I'm glad you could come today..."

"Hi, Zeek," Ranma, NeoVid, Kate, and R. Jak said, almost in unison.

"I hate to say it, but I am not Zeek. My name is Onyx, Lord Onyx to
be precise."

"Whatever Zeek."

"Zeek? The guy who look a Nintendo character?" Mr. Knht asked.

"Yup. Ol' Linker..." Kate said, with a bit of a smile.

"Hi Link!" NeoVid waved back. "How's your waffles?"

"I don't have waffles." The voice from the speaker was sounding annoyed.

The knight recieved a very angry glare from the irritable face. "Let me
get this straight... YOU brought us here?" Magitek Master got a murderous
gleam in her eye...

Midnight Star meowed nervously noticing the murderous gleam. "No
killing. You might get haunted by him."

"You can try to kill me, but I wouldn't reccomend it." Onyx chuckled
softly as a screen flicked to life, showing his shadow.

"Why don't you turn on the lights?"

"Oh come on, that's obvious, I broke them before I brought you
here, It's to give me a head start...but anyway...I know all of you,
Mr. Thinker...Well...Knht, small mistake, but shouldn't make it again. But
I do know you Kate...and those two." The one in the tower groaned such
as he didn't want to know NeoVid and R.Jak.

"I love you too, Z." NeoVid said. "Hug?"

"No."

"Awww..."

"Hugs and kisses and everythimg nice." Midnight Star blurted out.

"I'M NOT THINKER!!!!!!!!!" stated Mr. Knht.

"But as I was saying, I know them...Ranma...and......" His voice trails
off as he looks at the other two. "Damnit, machines just suck, I didn't
pick you."

"I resent that." muttered MM.

"Yeah me too! Where does he get off picking me?" Ranma X. complained as
he sat against a wall.

"Call it a preemptive strike, you or me, either you, you, you, you...well
maybe not you Think..Kn.."

"I'M NOT THINKER!"

"Like we need more of it..." R. Jak said, flipping a Milk Dud into his
mouth after the fifteenth try.

Midnight Star swiftly caught the milk dud and ate it. "Mmmmm...chocolate."

MM turned towards R. Jak. "Can I have some of those?" He shook his
head. "Nuts."

"I'm not a total bastard, like some people, so I'll give you a
choice. Today's theatre project is yet another one of the usual Pokemon
OAV by Doctor Thinker." Suddenly the speakers kick into high volume to
drown out any shouting Knht would have done.

"AND THEN YOU WILL SIT THRU THE ULTIMATE TEST BY FELIXMAN, *bzzt* or
you could wait a while as this real dangerous fic downloads, and munch
on the foods at the snack bar."

MM pondered for a second. "The Ultimate Test? Pokemon? That sounds almost
like... Felixman?... Oh crap... I'm gonna need a lot of alcohol..."

"And I'm gonna need another vacation..." Kate muttered.

Midnight Star blinked. "I never heard of Felixman."

"Question."

"Yes, Ry...I mean, you in the back..."

R. Jak put his hand down. "Are there any tentacles?"

"Hmm?"

"I want assurances that there are no tentacles in this."

"Well, it's Pokemon..."

"I no enter theater if there are any tentacles and that final." R. Jak
pouted. "No compromise."

"I wouldn't worry if I were you. Felixman's pretty bad, but he doesn't
do tentacles." MM commented.

"Sounds lik he speak like a Thinker in the theather." stated someone.

"I NOT THINKER" stated Mr. Knht. "Get IT thought your think skull..."

"Well, you ain't no Hal Linden, buddy," R. Jak replied.

"Prephars." stated Mr. Knht...."Now what's up Zeekiod."

"Well are you people entering the theatre or waiting?"

"Why waiting anyway?"

"Well, you see, my normal connection to the net sucks, and it'd take
that long to download something from the archive that I'd have to force
you to watch, which would be an ultimate test...prolly also illegal in
the theatre too..."

"Which archive?"

"Grey."

"Grey Archive? As in... P... J?... AAAAIIIIEEEEE!!!" Magitek Master
spun rapidly in a circle and slumped to the floor.

"Pardon me while I become violently ill," Kate remarked.

R. Jak frowned. "I said no tentacles, bonehead."

"I rather be portal into Deep 13." stated Mr. Knht.

"I can take it." Midnight Star said as she swished her tail back and
forth.

NeoVid pointed at the screen. "That stuff isn't allowed at this
theater. W4'd kick your butt if you tried it..." They all thought about
that for a minute, and laughed.

"He's not here anyway."

"Cute NeoVid. Cute." Ranma X. said flatly.

"Well, what's your decision?"

"Felixman will be crushed," NeoVid replied.

"And so will you afterwards," Ranma X. added.

"Auntie Em, Auntie Em..." cried MM.

Midnight Star suddenly pulled out a NeoVid plushie and huggled it before
putting it back whereever she pulled it from.

"Good, now let it begin, door's on the left, don't trip over the llama."

"This is going to be..." Mr. Knht stated in uncanny version of Clark's
voice.

And they all set off, except for R. Jak, who was sitting on the
bench. Kate stopped.

"Hey, Jakobi..." she said.

"I still want an assurance that there'll be no tentac..."

Kate took her spear out of WeaponSpace. "MOVE IT!" She then grinned
madly. "I missed this."

"I'm goin', I'm goin'."

And the two stragglers ran after the group.

-----

Onyx watched them go into the theatre, then pulled out numerous tools,
"I better get to work fast, this won't hold them long, and I need that
tracker on me gone..."

-----

Door 7: It's a screen showing Felixman's first round loss at the Pokemon
FanFic League competition. Everyone points and laughs.

Door 6: It's a swirling vortice of pure chaos. Several melting clocks
fly out of it.

Door 5: It's a tunnel entrance witch is full of gold and diverges into
two paths, on the left is a llama.

Door 4: It's make out of Spider-man's webs. Using a Spinark, Mr. Knht
makes a path though.

Door 3: A statue of Mike, Joel and the bots is here. When Kate hits
the top of Tom, she gets an OW and a light pointing to Door 2.

Door 2: It's a galley of Improroasters from Mr. Knht to Dr. W4. They
find the door under the picture of Kate. "Very cute." states Kate.

Door 1: Your normal door with a picture of W4 on it.

As the theatre doors open, the screen shows the NC-17 sign and states
the fic is from the grey archive.

R.Jak scream was cut off from a quick announcement. "Whoops, wrong
one. here we go."

> WARNING! 

M.S: (Captain Kirk)Red alert!
NeoVid [robotic]: Warning! Danger Will Robinson!

> This is no normal pokemon fanfic. It contains foul

Mr. Knht: (Bizzaro) This that a bird? Is that a plane? Is that stupid
Superman?
R Jak: That was too close to Thinker, but you keep saying.....
Mr. Khnt: (Uncanny R. Jak) I NOT A THINKER!!!! (NORMAL) WHEN YOU WILL
GUYS LEARN THAT THINKER CHARACTER. SEEZ YOU TAKE ASH LOOK STUPID!!!!!!
Bad Guy: (weeping) Oooh, that my ears!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Knht: Sorry to a mess up.
R. Jak: And that's way too many exclamation points. Think of all the
starving kids in Ethiopia, guys. Sheesh...

> language, 
> violence and major character mood swings.

NeoVid: At least he didn't say sex.
R. Jak: ESPECIALLY sex.
MM: Dear Ghuval. Felixman is back. NOTHING IS SACRED! RUN FOR YOUR
LIVES!!!
[Ranma X smacks her with his spatula]
Ranma X: Calm down.

>The time period is after 
> the episode 'The problem with Paras', but then 

Kate: -Goes straight to hell, dragging us with it.

>branches off from the 
> series. Enjoy 

Mr. Knht: Or dump it in the garage pile....
MM: You can't make me. I refuse.
M.S:(blinks rapidly) Okay.

> 'THE ULTIMATE TEST' 

Mr. Knht: Witch contains over 1 trillion question!
Kate: MOMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
R. Jak: Now KATE! You of all people!

>PART 1 

Ranma X: In which Piglet encounters a Heffalump.
MS: And captures it immediately with a Pokeball.

> 
> "Damn, it Ash! 

Mr. Knht: You accidently trashed the Pokemon center!!!
MM [Singing]: I love you!

> This is the sixth stupid town you've dragged us to!" Brock ranted. 

MM: I don't even watch Pokemon and I know this is OOC.

> For the last month, Ash has been going to odd little shops and communities.

NeoVid: Misty and Brock were really starting to wonder when he started
visiting the occult bookstores...
Mr. Knht: Ash is Mr. Myxzptlk....
Mr. Myxzptlk: Yeah, I wouldn't be caught dead in that world...!!
(Mr. Myxzptlk turns Mr. Knht into a ball...and bounces him around for
bit then dissappear. Mr. Knht reforms back to normal.)
Mr. Knht: Ouch!
(The other riffers stare)
NeoVid: Someone check the humidity in this place. We're not halfway
through and weird crap is happening.

>It seems a total waste of time since it's not getting
> him any closer to his goal of being a pokemon master.

R. Jak: Came darn close to getting arrested, though.

>"Sorry
> Brock, this is the last stop we're gonna make."

MM [Ash, Gangster-like]: Sorry, but dis is where youse gets off dis
gravy train, capice?
Mr. Kht: That sounds like Meoth, not Ash.
MM: Oops.

>Ash said as he walked
> out of the shop with a long box. "Roses! For me! Oh Ash, you
> can be so sweet!"

NeoVid [Misty]: But since I'm violently allergic to flowers, now I think
you're trying to kill me.

>Misty reached for the box but Ash pulled it away
> from her.

M.S:(6 year old) Mine! Waaaaah!

>"There's no roses! And even if they were, why
> would I buy them for you!" "You're right." "I am?"

R.Jak [Ash]: Wow, that never happened before in this series!

> "Yep. You can't afford roses until you buy me a new bike!"

MM: Come back, Dr. Thinker! All is forgiven! [Sobs]

> Ash blushed. He hated being reminded about that stinking bike,

R. Jak: It wasn't THAT bad...
M.S.: Bicycles? We don't need no steenkin bicycles!

> but he couldn't complain since he knew she was right. 'Makes me
> wonder why I like her' he thought to himself.

(Kate stifles a giggle.)
MM: Oh yeah, Felixman has some weird ideas as to Misty and Ash's
relationship. He thinks that even though they're both prepubecants,
they're just a few inches from doing it with eachother.
NeoVid: Which is all because Felixman does a permanent impression of a
fat drunken redneck...
Mr. Knht: I still have Gameboy...
NeoVid: Okay, I'll simmer.

>"Pika pi,
> pikachu pik" (What's in the box, Ash?) Pikachu asked.

M.S:Introducing the pokemon fanfic translator!
[MM covers where her ears should be]
MM: Aarrgghh... This is why I don't like Pokemon.
R. Jak: I find the yellow rat invigorating.

>Ash had left
> Pikachu with Misty and Brock while he closed

NeoVid: -His list of people to get revenge on. He had crossed off the
last name in blood...

>the deal.
> "Sorry pal, I can't tell you that." "Are you gonna tell use
> why you've been coming to all these places or not?" Brock said, a
> serious scowl on his face.

MM: As opposed to a light-hearted, frivolous scowl.

Normally he wouldn't care where they
> traveled, but Ash's course had kept him from a pretty girl for a
> month!

Kate [Rolls eyes]: Oh, and we all know what a tragedy that is.

>He was so desperate he was ready to ask Misty out.

Ranma X: WHY?

> "Not." Ash answered as he removed all but two pokeballs from his belt
> and handed them to Brock.

R Jak [Ash]: I've never needed these before. You should have them.

>"I have to do something.... On my own.

MM: Insert masturbation references here.

> Watch Pikachu and the others okay?" Ash started to walk away.

NeoVid: Watch them do that? Ewwww...

> "Pika pika, pik pi pika chuuu!" (Ash, don't abandon me!) Pikachu
> screamed from Brock's side.

M.S:(as Misty) Take me ash!(glomps onto [Magitek Master])
MM: Blarg! [Shakes Midnight Star off and cowers under seat again]
R. Jak: Now that was weird.

>"Don't worry Pikachu, I'll be
> back in a day or two. I promise." He started walking again.

MM [Singing]: Oh, I would walk five hundred miles, just to get away from
Pikachu's incesant smiles...

> "Pika... chu" (Huhhhh.....okay.)

MM: Duuuuhhhhh... Hhhhhhhuuuhhh?? Duh?
R Jak: That's enough.

"Just where are you going
> Ash?" Brock said quietly.

NeoVid [Brock]: You said you'd never leave me, Ash!
Kate: Thank you, Neo.

>Ash stopped again. "It's just something personal, okay? I need to be
alone and I only need
> Pidgeotto and Charmeleon.

MM [Wincing]: By Mystra, that can be taken wrong.
Mr. Kht: If he needs to be alone, why is he taking two Pokemon with him?
NeoVid [Ash]: Since I can't understand what they say, I'll just pretend
they're not going, "YECH! Don't do that!"

>Pikachu and the others would only slow me
> down. Please trust me. I swear I'll meet you guy's at the New Haven
> pokemon center by Friday, okay?"

Mr. Khnt: There's no town named New Haven!
NeoVid: Just like there's no town named Saffon?
Mr. Khnt: I'M NOT THINKER!!!
[Ranma X smacks Mr. Khnt with his spatula]
Mr. Khnt: Ow!

>"Huhhh.... all right Ash.

MM: Duuuhhhh... Huuuhhhhhhh?? Duuuhhh!
[Ranma X tries to hit MM, but she turns around and almost bites his
spatula in half]
MM: Don't do that again.

> New Haven, Friday night. If you don't show by ten, I'm coming to look
> for you."

Ranma X [Singing]: Bad Ash, bad Ash, What you gonna do, what you gonna
do when they come lookin for you?

>"Fair enough." The guys and Pikachu
> seemed to be dealing with this okay, but Misty was tearing herself up
> inside.

MM: Yay! Misty's dead!

>She needed to be with Ash. It was that simple. She loved him
> more than anyone else.

M.S:More than Pikachu?
MM: B. L. A. R. G. [floats slowly to the ceiling.]
Ranma X: Weenie...
[MM looks down at Ranma X and eyebeams him. He coughs out smoke]
MM: Don't call me a weenie.

>If he went of and got himself killed, she
> would never recover.

R Jak: Until that big insurance policy paid off. Then she'd dance on
his grave.

>She had to think of a way to go with him and
> fast!

MM [Still rising] I can't see the screen any more!
NeoVid: Lucky!

>"Ash!" She called out.

>He turned to face her. She
> stared into his eyes a moment. They were filled with

NeoVid: -Oatmeal, same as the inside of his skull.

> resolve, she
> needed to do this right!

Mr. Khnt: Or left.
[Rimshot]
R Jak: WHERE is that coming from?

"I know what your up to, you liar!"
> "What are you talking about?" "You're trying to get out of
> returning my bike!"
>"Drop the fucking bike Misty!

MM: Warning! Warning! Danger Will Robinson! OOC factor increasing by 79%!
NeoVid: Hey, for all we know he says that all the time, but it got
removed in the dub...
Kate: Yes. Foul-mouthed little buggers.

>I said I'd
> make good on it some day! Besides, if I was gong to run, why would I
> be leaving Pikachu, Squirtle, and Bulbasaur behind?"

M.S: Because they would slow him down?

>'please
> forgive me for this, Ash' she thought. "I'll bet you abandoning
> them!" That had the desired effect.

Ranma X: He died from the shock?

>Ash was hurt and stung
> beyond words.

MM: Ouch. Scorched... [Pointing] Haw haw!

>Pikachu burst into tears and ran into Ash's arms,

NeoVid: Be glad it was "arms."

> begging him not to leave him. Misty felt like the world's biggest
> Bitch.

M.S.: I thought that was Jessie.
[Mr. Khnt gives her the evil eye]

>"That's a lie." Ash said simply. He managed to clam
> Pikachu and get him to go back to Brock. "Fine, To prove I'm not
> trying to run away, you can come.... but you can't bring any
> pokemon."

R. Jak [Misty]: And especially without any of my undergarments!

>"Why?" "Because I

NeoVid [Misty]: -Saw what you do with them when you think nobody's
watching! You're sick!
R Jak[Ash]: Then why do you watch?
NeoVid [Misty]: Uh... shut up.

>said so! If you don't
> like the rules, don't come!" Ash snapped. He turned around to face
> the horizon.

MM: This Ash sounds more and more like Felixman every line.
Mr. Knht: Yeah. By now Misty should have hit him with a mallet or
something.

>Misty thought about it, then handed her pokemon
> to Brock "Keep an eye on him for me, okay?" Brock whispered

Mr. Knht: (removing his left eye)
Ranma X: Put that back...
Mr. Knht: (replacing his left eye and muttering) King of the Meanies...

> Misty nodded and jogged up to Ash's side.

MM [Singing]: Side by side... Day by day... Our love will go on
forever... [Normal] Did I just sing a soft rock tune?
[R Jak nods. MM grimaces and hits herself repeatedly]

> The pair traveled for a few hours till they were

Mr. Knht: Dead.

> deep in

NeoVid: -the river of toxic waste.
Mr. Knht: Were they died.
Kate: I'm sensing a pattern here.
M.S: Dark much?

> the woods. They made camp, ate and went to sleep.

Mr. Knht: Then they were dead.
Ranma X: Okay, cut that out.

> They never said a word.

MM: Finally.

> Misty still had no idea what was in the box and she
> knew better than to try and look while Ash slept,

R. Jak: Sure she KNEW...but does that stop her? Nein, nicht, and nil,
mein freund.

> he had it in

NeoVid: -For her. She had heard him ordering a gun...

>the sleeping bag with him. Misty laid
>awake, thinking about what Ash was thinking. Ash
>laid awake think about how cute Misty was.

Ranma X.: Then they couldn't take it anymore, their unrequited passion
for each other boiling over culminating in one moment of...
[stops and looks at everyone who's staring at him]
Ranma X.: What? I was gonna say violent murder.
[group relaxes somewhat...]
Ranma X.: ...though I guess it could be akin to a snuff film.
[MM goes berserk and tries to harm Ranma X, but NeoVid holds her back]
NeoVid: Just stop now.
R. Jak: Well that section DOES have a lemon quality in...nah, let's not
go into it.

> Then they both fell asleep
>

MM: SLEEEEEP!

>
> --------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Knht: The roller coaster tracks need fixing up. You better get a
mechine on that.

>
> In the morning Ash awoke to the aroma

NeoVid: Of burned Pokemon.
MM: Mmmm... Roast Pikachu... Braised Farfetched... Batter fried Goldeen
with marinara...
M.S:(turns a bit green) Eyuck.
Mr. Knht: Must had been other members of Team Rocket.
R.Jak: The competent ones?
MM [Bitterly]: There are no competent members of Team Rocket.
Ranma X: You can never tell with that spandex, could you?


> of rice and
> vegetables. He looked over and saw Misty squatting 
> by the fire.

NeoVid [Ash]:Oh wow...look at the fire go! Cool!

>He got up, stretched and got

Kate: -stoned, like every morning.

> dressed. "Good morning Misty," Ash
> said smiling. "Good morning." Misty replied. She > looked very
unhappy. "What's wrong?" "Why are we
> here Ash?"

Ranma X.: Great. Not more poke-philosophy questions.
MM [Ash]: Well, it all started when a man named Satoshi got an idea for
how to make a really addictive franchise, so he went to Nintendo and
commisioned Pokemon and a spin-off TV series that...
Kate: Please stop.
R. Jak: Actually, don't. I want to see how the girls in short skirts fit
into this.
Ranma X: No you don't...
R. Jak: But I...
M.S.: Don't encourage her... honey... ^_^
(R. Jak visibly sweatdrops.)
M.S: Sorry. My sugar level makes me rather odd.

> She asked, rather than answered. Ash
>sighed. "After we eat I'll show you, okay?" Misty >nodded and went back
to cooking.

Ranma X. [Misty]: Heh heh heh... I've added cyanide, arsenic and
NutraSweet to this... he'll never survive.
MM: That fiend! Doesn't she know NutraSweet stunts growth?!?
Mr. Knht: Nosense! I take it for years. Still under six fet.


> After breakfast, they walked into the woods till
> they found a large clearing. The clearing was
> surrounded by

R. Jak: -Ten gauge monowire, portable PPC nest, and two commandos wearing
Purifier Power armor. Anyone else would have noticed that this was Word
of Blake territory, but...
(once again, there is a counfounded silence.)
R. Jak: Hey. YOU ramble, I ramble!

>thick trees on three sides with a
>cliff on the fourth. Their was a spectacular water
> fall cascading down the side of the cliff.

NeoVid: They're in a Thomas Kinkaid print.

> The trees cast pretty shadows on the
> ground and the falls send out a lovely mist.

Mr. Knht: (Kasumi) That's my name!
All: ...
Mr. Knht: Kasumi means misty.
All: Oh!
Kate: A literal translation. Who'd have thought?

> "It's so beautiful." Misty said in awe. "Yeah. To 
> bad." Ash said
"Huh?"

M.S: Who be saying "Huh"?

>"It's going to get wreaked."

Mr. Knht: Wreaked! Sounds like a bad metal band.
Ranma X. [hair metal fan]: All right! we're going to the Wreaked show
man! Then tomorrow, some Posion and Whitesnake dudes!
NeoVid [singing]: Ohhh, Wreak the dragon boinker, he boinked that
dragon good...
MM [To NeoVid]: If that was a reference to anything BUT Sluggy Freelance,
I will harm you.
NeoVid: [grins] Maybe it is... Maybe it isn't...
M.S: You are very vague.

> "Why?" Rather than answer Ash threw out a pokeball.
> "Pidgeotto, I chose you!" The ball struck the ground 
> and the large bird materialized. Ash told it to
> perch itself

Kate [Ash]: Yeah, go perch yourself!

>on a nearby rock. It was happy to
>comply. "Go, Charmeleon!"

R. Jak (singing): Go Charmeleon. Go Charmeleon. Go Charmeleon go!

> After a bright flash the fire pokemon stood before >it's would-be
master. "What are you doing
>Ash?" "Shut up.

MM [Asuka]: WHAAAAAT? You dare tell the great and mighty Asuka to shut
up? WA-TAK!
R. Jak: Wrong redhead.
MM: Oh. [Lina Inverse] Darkness beyond twilight... Crimson beyon-
R. Jak: Wrong again.
MM: Oh. [Washu] I've got magic fing-
R. Jak: Just give up.
MM: Alrighty.

> Charmeleon, I am your master. Do you accept me or
> not?"

Mr. Knht: And Ash got hit with a ember attack.
MM: We can only hope.

> "Char mel!" (Screw you!) "Char mel meleon,
> charmeleon, char char!" Ash answered back.

MM: And now he can speak Pokemon-ese. Gah. Next thing you know he'll
have a friend named Ded and be packing heat.
NeoVid: Don't even start.

>"What did that mean, Ash?" Misty asked, she was more
> than a little frightened by now. " I said 'I
> challenge your honor and intellect'."

Mr. Knht: Ha!
MM: This should be a pretty damn short fight.

> "Charmeleon char char." (who will judge?)
> "Pidgeotto." Ash answered.
> Charmeleon nodded it's approval

Mr. Knht: At least Thinker puts ending marks such as ?'s, !'s and .'s
R. Jak: Gosh, you people are anal on the grammar today.

> Misty finally put

NeoVid: -Her clothing back on...
M.S: After doing...stuff.
MM: Blarg... Hentai will no longer be tolerated...
R. Jak: ...pansy...
MM [Eyes glowing again]: Care to repeat that?
R. Jak: Ummm... What would happen if I did?
MM: I would cause you grievous bodily harm.
R. Jak: Okay then, I don't care to.
Mr. Knht [Whispering to Kate]: Good hearing for not having any ears...
[Kate nods]

> all pieces together. "Ash! Your not going to fight
> Charmeleon are you?"

R.Jak[Ash]: No. I'm going to win him over with... heh heh... love.
M.S: Wai! (Glomps R. Jak)
R. Jak: AHH! Get her off me!
MM: I mean it... The next person who makes a hentai comment gets fried.
M.S: Hentai is fun. (unglomps R. Jak) Sorry.

> "I am." "That's suicide." "I have to."

Ranma X. [Ash]: I'm Ash.

> "Why?" "It's the only way I can control him in
> combat."
> "But what if he..." Misty's words are cut off by
> Charmeleon. "Charmel, mel char. Char" (You get one 
> weapon. Chose.)

Ranma X.: Fool, now Ash is gonna get his rail gun.
M.S: (Ash) I choose...My mighty stick!!

> Reaching into the box Ash withdraws something long

NeoVid: EW!
M.S: O_O Meow!
MM: ... I'd hurt you two, but that one was too easy.

> wrapped in tissue paper.

Kate: Aww, Ash has a birthday present for Charmeleon.

> He grippes the top and
> bottom of the paper, then
> suddenly throws the

R Jak: -Fight, since he knows he's gonna die if he doesn't.

> bottom part aside. Ash Ketchum,
> trainer from pallet, was now wielding a katana
> blade.

MM: What happened to challenging his intellect? And is he still holding
the top half?
Mr. Khnt: What the heck? (Takes out a cell phone) Mr. Nhp? Yes? Ok? Which
one? Oh, Mr. Rkch. Ok! I take it. Good bad.
Kate: What was that?
Mr. Knht: Felix is getting a 5th dimisonal virus.
Kate: What does that do?
Mr. Knht: If it gotten Felix, he's end up in the fifth dimisonal. It
doesn't got him, it's pulls his computer into the 5th dimisonal.
NeoVid: Point being?
(pause)
Mr. Knht: I want to aks...a few quetions when I get back...

>
>-----------------------------------------------------
>---------------------------

Mr. Knht: I TOLD TO REPAIR THOSE RIDE TRACKS!
NeoVid: Quit all that dashing around!
M.S: Rapidash I choose you!
MM: I sense deep hurting ahead.
Ranma X: Same here.
(R. Jak and Kate trade knowing glances, then shake their heads sadly.)

> Jessie and James walked through the forest with

Mr. Knht: Brain damagage.
R. Jak [Bill Cosby]: Jessie and James never smiled! Kos Meowth had
BRAIN DAMAGE!

>confidence. They had
> heard that a major Team Rocket operation was >underway here. The fact
> that

NeoVid: -There were so many ambulances going by proved it.

>the duo hadn't been invited indicates how much
>was riding on the plans success.

Kate: What? Did Giovanni have a bet with the grocer?
R. Jak: Well, at least one person in Team Rocket was smart enough to
realize that Jesse and James = Instant, Humiliating Failure.

> Suddenly, two men with uzi's leapt on to the path.

M.S: (opens her mouth then sheepishly grins) I'm not gonna make a Hitler
joke.
Ranma X: Hitler didn't have uzis.
NeoVid: Wait, those were ReichBunnies...

> "Stop wear you are!" One shouted. "Please don't kill
> me! I'll tell you everything, I swear!" James begged after he fell to
> his knees.

R. Jak: Well, someone here is in character.

>"Get up James. Their on our side." Jessie said.
> "They are?" James looked at the men's uniforms and saw the
> familiar 'R' on the chest.

M.S [James]: So they are going to rape us?
NeoVid [James]: About time!
[MM giggles. It is very disturbing]
Kate: ...no. I don't want to know.

> He quickly got to his feet. "I knew it all
> the time. I just wanted to mock these rookies."

Mr. Knht: By gettign on his knee and...
Kate: Logic...
Mr. Knht: Sorry...

> "Jessie and James, right?"

Mr. Knht: (the exact Jessie and bit sarcitismly) No, we are Wyatt and
Earp. HOW DID YOU THINK WE ARE?

>The second man asked. "Yes, that's us."
> Jessie replied. "Follow me." He said. The man lead
> the group deeper into

NeoVid: -Disaster.
MM: Too late.

>the forest. Eventually they reached a large
> building. Armed members of team rocket were everywhere.

M.S [Preacher from Little Micky]: We gonna die!
MM: Were there any agents from genom? Or maybe guys from storm? Or
usn Wanzers?
Kate: We get the point.
R. Jak: We do?
Kate: [holding her spear] YES...

>Their was a
> large satellite dish behind the main compound. The two men took
> Jessie and James into a room and sat them in some chairs. In front of
> them another chair spun around to face them.

MM: Hello Mr. Bond. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!
Kate: How are you gentlemen!!
[The group glares at her. She sweatdrops.]

> "Boss!" Jessie and James said as one.

NeoVid [exact James]: Why are you wearing that dress? That's my gimmick!
MM: Giovanni in a dress...
Kate: Maybe he's wearing a Freudian Slip.
[Rimshot]

>"I knew you two would show. For once
> I have a use for you." "Anything for you boss!" the two
> said.

Ranma X: Ask them to shoot themselves! Please!
MM: Actually, I like James. He's funny.
R. Jak: And you'd get some angry letters if Jessie died...

>"This," he gestured to a man to his left. " is Toran.

NeoVid: Suikoden reference! That's a good sign, right?
[MM shakes her face sadly]
NeoVid: Bad sign?
[MM shakes no again]
NeoVid: Really bad sign?
[MM nods]
NeoVid: Crap.

> He is your new field commander. Together you three must remove
> some.... vermin from my path."

R. Jak [Enclave Guard]: Hey Bob, wanna see what one of these babies does
to soft flesh?

> "Of course! What type of
> vermin? There're rats, cockroaches, silver......" James couldn't
> finish the sentence since the slam to his head by Jessie had knocked
> him out. "James means, who needs to be silenced." 
>Jessie translated.

Kate: Silence the cockroaches?
Ranma X.: No difference at all. Use a shoe like everyone else.

>"Huh. You must remove two pokemon trainers from
> the target area." the boss turned his chair to face a large screen.
> He lifted a remote. "Our security camera caught these two entering

M.S.: -Each other.
MM: That's it.
[M.S. ducks under MM's eyebeam. It scorches R. Jak instead.]
M.S. [Smiling]: Sorry, honey.
R. Jak: Used to it.

> our zone." He pressed a button and a large image of Ash and Misty
> appeared on the screen. "Not him again!" Jessie growled
> "Their a problem?" Toran asked. "Yes. Those two twerps
> are the once we've been chasing all year!"

Kate: Kinda says something about their work record.

> "Excellent!" the
> boss exclaimed.

Ranma X [Giovanni]: I'm sure that you're sure to break your streak of
always losing to them this time! I mean, after
two years of nothing but catastrophic defeats at their hands, you're
definately ready for a change of luck!
Mr. Knht: Nice one. (giggles)

>"My research shows that the boy you've been after is
> an excellent pokemon trainer.

[MM stares blankly ahead and does not blink. NeoVid waves his hand in
front of her face, to no effect.]
NeoVid: It's no use. Her Bullsh*t'o'meter went critical.
[Mr. Knht holds up a broken scale.]
Kate: What's that?
Mr. Knht: My reality scale. It's totally drestoryed.
[The other riffers wince.]

> With his added skills this operation
> will certainly succeed! Find him and take him alive."

NeoVid: Good thing it wasn't "Take him dead."
[Riffers except Midnight Star get the PJ Shudders™. The mention of the
dark one is enough to awaken MM.]
M.S: You must not be completly insane if you can't bear that guy.

>"Yes
> sir." Toran answered. He looked at Jessie and the recently recovered
> James. "Come on you two."

M.S.: EW!
NeoVid: I'm slipping. I should have seen that first.
MM: Mmmmm... Yaoi...
[She recieves odd stares]
MM: Uhh... I mean, Hey! Stop it, you two!
M.S: (insane grin)Join the yaoi loving side!
Kate: I'm surrounded by perverts...

>
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr Knht: Morse code for "Duuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh....."

>
> "Ash, Charmeleon is going to kill you!" Misty whined. She
> was starting to cry. Ash ignored Misty and charged his
> pokemon.

Mr. Knht: Visa or Mastercard?
MM: You gotta catch 'em all. But not with American Express.
[Rimshot]

> Charmeleon dove to the side and swung his tail at Ash.

NeoVid [Charmeleon]: Have some tail kid! ...Man, that sounded wrong.

>Ash
> brought up his sword and blocked, then kicked Charmeleon in the gut.

Ranma X and R. Jak: YAAAAAAAY!

> The small pokemon rolled away and quickly got up. "When the
> hell did you learn how to fight?"

M.S.: When the hell'd Misty start cussing?

>Misty asked, even though she knew
> their would be no response. 'If I was fighting a pissed of
> Charmeleon, I wouldn't want to be distracted either' she thought.

Kate [Misty]: Then again, I wouldn't be STUPID enough to fight a pissed
off Charmaleon.

> Charmeleon shot a stream of flame at Ash, but the boy was to
> quick and he

NeoVid: -Then sounding like Thinker characater.

>dodged. Ash surged forward and slashed Charmeleon's
> chest. Chameleon screamed in anger, then brought his claws down and
> sliced Ash's back.

M.S.: Oh, he likes that kind of thing...

>Ash backed of a bit at the sudden pain. Charmeleon
> swung his tail again and caught Ash's leg, knocking the trainer off
> his feet. Charmeleon lunged at Ash, but Ash kicked Charmeleon in the
> jaw and sent him flying.

MM: This is just like a Hong Kong action film! Except with Pokemon. And
no guns. And it's really...
[She turns and sees Ranma X and R. Jak holding up signs that say "KILL
THE RED SMACK TALKING DRAGON BASTARD" and cheering.]
MM: So... What exactly do you guys have against Gryomon?
R. Jak: No...
[He points towards the screen]
MM: That doesn't answer my question.
Ranma X: No, we have something against Charmaleon.
MM: Oh. Okay. Because if you were talking about Gryomon...
[Her eyes glow red and she grows about 3 times larger]
R. Jak: Jeez! Calm down!
Kate: This is even weirder than it normally is here.

> The fire pokemon shook it's head to
> clear it. It looked up just in time to see Ash running at him.
> Charmeleon used Fire Spin and Ash was surrounded by fire.

NeoVid [fire]: OK, this is an action movie, so we should all fight him
one at a time instead of just getting him...

>Ash flipped
> his jacket over his head and jumped through the fire.

Ranma X: He went up like an oily rag.
Mr Knht: Ash is live up to his name now!

>He rolled to a
> stop and brought up the sword. Charmeleon was stunned. Few pokemon
> could do that, let alone humans.

Kate: Well, every single water Pokemon could do that, but that's beside
the point.
MM: So could Gryomon. Gryomon can do anything.
Kate: ... What's up with you and Digimon?
MM: I'm obsessed, obviously.
R. Jak: ...
Kate: Hey, at least she admits it.

> Charmeleon ran at Ash intent on
> going for the throat, when the forest to his right exploded and a
> massive

MM: -Plot contrivance interrupted the story, so Ash wouldn't get
killed. Unfortunately.

>Rydon stomped into the clearing. Charmeleon stared at it a
> moment to long and slammed head-first into a rock. A large tree fell
> on Ash, pinning him to the ground. "Prepare for trouble," a
> voice said "And make it double," Another said.

NeoVid: [Sarcastically] I wonder who that is?
R. Jak: Ooh! It's Ted DiBiase, right?
MM: No! It's Gryomon!
Ranma X: Look, will you shut up about the Digimon now?
MM: No.

>After that
> three people walked out of the gap made by the Rydon. Two were Jessie
> and James, Misty had never seen the third.

MM: He was Gryomon.
[Railguns pop out of the ceiling and blow the area around MM to
smithereens]
Zeek [Over Intercom]: Stop now.
MM: Sheesh...

"To protect the
> world from devastation," Jessie said. "To unite all people's
> within our... Ackkkk!" James said. The man behind him had grabbed
> James's throat and was choking him. "What the fuck are you
> guy's talking about? Let's just grab the kids and go!"

Kate: He interrupted the *motto*! He must die now.
R Jak: ...Must admit, I'm starting to like this guy.

>He dropped
> James and started towards Misty. Just then Ash wiggled free of the
> tree. "Pidgeotto, use your sand attack!"

Ranma X:...and as Pidgeotto went to fetch a bucket and shovel, everyone
died. The end.

> Pidgeotto flapped
> it's wings at ground level and sand covered the team rocket members.
> Ash ran to Charmeleon with the sword lowered. "If we don't
> work together these guy's are going to capture us both.

R. Jak [Ash]: And it's tiger cages for both of us. You don't want the
TIGER cages, do you?

> Are you with
> me?" He extended his hand to the pokemon. Charmeleon looked at the
> hand a second

M.S.: Bite it! Bite it!

> then took it.

All: AWWWWW...

>Ash nodded and smiled, then grabbed the
> swords sheath and ran for the woods. Misty followed, as did
> Charmeleon. "Come on, Pidgeotto!" Ask cried out.

Mr Knht: Who Ask being?

>The bird
> looked at it's trainer and started to follow but was smashed into the
> ground by the Rydon. It had managed to clear the sand storm.
> "Pidgoooo!" It cried in pain. Misty picked up a rock and threw it.
> The stone connected with the rock pokemon's eye and it stumbled back,
> releasing Pidgeotto.

MM: ... Yeah. And then I picked up my Red Ryder Beebee gun and killed
Tiamat.

> The flying pokemon quickly joined it's friends.

Mr. Knht: But the Rydon use Horn Dill and Pidgeotto dead quickly.

>
>
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Knht: TOOT!! TOOT!!!
(Rimshot)
[A brown dog and a skinny man appear.]
Scooby-Doo: Rext rime, ron't rappen Ruperman.
Shaggy: Like's it's not my fault, Scooby.
(R. Jak's eyes grow a dark, glowing red.)
Scooby-Doo: Ruh-oh...
R. Jak: DIIIIIIE!
(He takes out two pistols and disposes of the two interlopers messily. He
then holsters the weapons, sits down, and
sighs deeply...)
MM: What the hell was the point of THAT?
NeoVid: Do you really want to know?
MM: Yes, actually. And I also want to know what it has to do with Gryo-
[MM is smashed under a 16 ton weight]
MM: Shutting up.
M.S.: (looking down) I have an eyeball in my popcorn.
Mr. Knht: (on his celler) Hello, Mr. Ltrp , can you transport R. Jak
into the universal in which Scrappy-Doo exist?
(R. Jak puts a pistol to Mr. Knht's head calmly.)
Ranma X: I think you'd better cancel the call.
Mr. Knht: The tought entred me as well. (he puts down the phone.)
Mr. Knht: Plan B then..(Into phone) Mr. Nlfl, can store
Scooby-Doo and Shaggy. W4's theather? You need their IDs?(takes out a
college ID) It's reads "COOLVIILLE COLLEGE", NORMAN "SHAGGY" ROGERS,
age 14. Good? Any place for revenge on the killing?
Ranma X: GODDAMMIT, THEY'RE JUST CARTOON CHARACTERS!
(General blink.)
Ranma X: Sorry.
Mr. Knht: I call later.
R. Jak: No you won't.

> After the dust cleared, Toran

NeoVid: -Had been occupied by the Liberation Army.
Kate [Qlon]: I feel so good.

>looked and saw that not only
> had his targets eluded him,

M.S.: But someone had managed to pants James in the process.
(MM giggles at the image)

> his Rydon was in terrible pain. He
> pointed the pokeball at the creature.

Mr. Knht: It be rude to point.

> "Return, Rydon." The
> red beam lashed out and sucked the rock pokemon.

Kate: ... That's WAY too easy.
NeoVid: So... The energy beam gave-
[Kate whacks him repeatedly with her lance.]
M.S:Beam sucker? o_O

> James got up and
> rubbed his eyes. "What now?"

M.S. [James]: And where are my pants?

> "We return to base.
> These kids are

NeoVid [exact Jessie]: -so damn cute that my teeth are rotting.

>better than I thought." "Told you so." Jessie
> said.

MM: Ah yes, all the maturity and repose that we've come to expect from
a Pokemon conglomerate.

> They than started back through the forest.

Mr. Knht: (singing, badly) Over the river and though the woods, to the
Boss's location we go.

>
>
>
>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranma X.: Someone swat those ants!

>
> After running for a few minutes the kids stopped to
> rest.

Ranma X.: They then stared in wonder at the large monorail that was
sitting in front of them for no god damned reason.
M.S.: Wrong show.

> Misty cleaned and bandaged Ash's wounds. He didn't look to
> good,

NeoVid: As kids who beat up Pokemons are wont to do.

>he was losing blood and his leg had a large piece of wood in
> it.

R. Jak: That'll teach Ash not to play in the lumber yard.
MM: Ash got a little too friendly with the log, I see...
[All stare]
MM: ... Gah! Forget I said anything. [Muttering] Must stop reading
Reo fics...
Neovid: Shame Ash can't catch tetanus...

> He had also slammed his chest into a rock and damaged his
> breast-bone.

Mr. Knht: Breast-bone's connected to the... Arm bone! Arm bone's connected
to the... Hand bone! Hand bone's
connected to the... the... Thigh bone...
Kate: You need an anatomy lesson.

> His own breathing was causing him pain.

MM: Hyperventilate! Please!

> Charmeleon was bleeding worse than Ash and had a large bump on his
> head.

R. Jak: He already HAD a bump!

> Pidgeotto had three broken ribs from the Rydons attack.

NeoVid: Since when do Pokemon bleed and get broken bones? I thought only
Digimon got permanent injuries.
Kate: Logic...
NeoVid: Right, "must not think about fic..."

> Misty was the only healthy one, and she couldn't fight.

Ranma X.: As Misty was smart enough to take advantage of Ash's hero
complex.
MM: What? Why doesn't she just pick up the freakin' sword?! Sexist
bastard...
R. Jak: Calm down.
Kate: She's a champion swimmer, not a sword fighter. (pause) Wait,
now I'm thinking logically. Never mind.

> Since the battle, Ash had sheathed the sword

NeoVid: Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more?
MM: Blarg...

> and put it on, Misty could see the hilt
> sticking up over his right shoulder.

M.S.: That isn't where it usually sticks out.
MM: BLARG... I AM DEAD!

> Ash searched his pocket and
> produced

R Jak: -Nothing at all.
NeoVid [exact Ash]: ...How hard did he hit me?

>Dexter. "Great." He said. "What is it?"
> "Dexter was destroyed when that tree fell on me. I can't trade
> my pokemon for healthy ones."

Kate: Since when could he ever do that?
NeoVid: Since that wacky episode of "Friends", I guess.
Ranma X.: Is it just me, or have you guys wanted Dexter to have an
Eastern European accent?
R. Jak: Wrong Dexter.

> He answered. He jammed the currently
> useless device into his

MM: Rectum.
[All stare. Mr. Knht's eyes bug out]
R. Jak (in Scottish accent): Damn near killed 'im!
(rimshot)

> pocket.

MM: That's not fun.

> "What are we going to do
> Ash?" "Char char. Mel charmel." (We fight. Or die)

Ranma X.: Please die. Please, please die.

> the fire
> pokemon answered. "No way. We have to get out of here before
> those idiots find us.

R Jak: Too late, they already put you in this story.

>Pidgeotto, can you fly?" "Pidgeo." It
> answered

MM: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!? YES? NO? MAYBE SO? By Ghuval, I hate
Pokemon...
NeoVid: Hey! Pokemon is cool.
M.S: Pikachu kachu...
Mr. Knht: Bles you.
M.S: Gracias.
Ranma X.: Prego.

> with a nod.

Kate: See, if you'd just waited for the sentence to finish, you'd have
had your answer.
(MM grumbles.)

> Ash reached up and took off his hat. He gave it
> the bird.

R. Jak: ... [Starts laughing]
Kate: What? I don't- Oh! [She starts laughing too]
M.S.: Rude little boy, isn't he?
NeoVid [exact Ash]: This is my Pidgey, Flip, the Bird.

> "Take this to Brock in New Haven. If you can't
> fly that far, just try to find someone to take care of you. Good luck
> Pidgeotto." Pidgeotto flew off toward the town.

MM: And was promptly eaten by a Skull Gyzakumon.
Ranma X.: Yay.

> Ash hoped it could do
> this. "Charmeleon" (what now?) Misty looked around.
> She saw a small mountain in the horizon. She pointed to it.

NeoVid: A mountain. Gee, she certainly is helpful, isn't she?
Mr Knht [Misty]: Lokk, I find the mountin! No one but me could doing that!

>"That
> way. We can find a place to rest over their."

Kate: Over their what?
R. Jak: You're not going to drop that, are you?
Kate: Nope.

> Ash nodded
> The trio headed to the mountain. After a while Ash noticed that
> Charmeleon was slowing down.

MM: And as he straggled behind, he was ripped to shreds by a Network
Virus Entity.
Ranma X.: Yay...what?

> Ash lifted the fire pokemon and started
> carrying him. "Ash, you should let me carry him. You're to
> weak."

R. Jak [Hans]: Ya, girly mahn! You so weak and flaccid!
M.S.: Teehee...
R. Jak: ... I didn't mean it like that.

> Misty said. "No. Charmeleon is my responsibility and
> I'll carry him." Charmeleon had heard the brief argument.

NeoVid: He was going to be mad if he missed his chance to be carried by
the chick.

>He
> listened carefully and could hear how Ragged Ash's breathing was.

MM: Suddenly, Warlord Raggis appeared and transformed them all into
undead slaves.
Ranma X.: Now you're just disturbing me.

> Their was no way the kid had the strength required to do this safely.
> At first Charmeleon had thought that Ash was a weak, pathetic
> trainer.

Ranma X.: He was pretty right from the outset.
Kate: Oh, we know better...
NeoVid: Yeah. He's also smelly.

> He was starting to think differently. He decided to get away
> from the kid without letting him know about his change of heart.
> "Char char, mel mel charmel, meleon." (Give me to the girl, Ash.
> You stink to much to carry me.)

Kate (looks at NeoVid): How, Vid?
NeoVid: It's a talent...

> Ash sniffed himself a moment
> then turned to Misty. "He wants you to carry him. He says I stink."

R. Jak <Misty>: Finally! Something we can agree on!

> Misty took the fire pokemon, then sniffed Ash.

Kate: And promptly passed out.
Ranma X.: Better switch to Old Spice.

> "You don't
> smell that bad. But I think pokemon have better senses than humans."

M.S.: Better taste too.
Ranma X. [Whiny Kid]: But human fleash makes my skin turn yellow if I eat
too much of it.

> They continued walking. Around sunset they reached the mountain and
> found a cave. Misty smiled to herself 'This is even better than I
> planned'.

NeoVid [exact Misty]: Now we won't have to worry about the censors
intruding on our gratuitous sex scene...

>They would have arrived earlier but they had to stop
> constantly for Ash to rest.

MM: Normally, they'd have abandoned him to the wolves by know, but Ash
still owed her a bike.
[M.S sticks a pair of sunglasses on NeoVid]

> She put Charmeleon down, the pokemon looked much better.

NeoVid [Charmelion]: BOOOOBIES...

> Unfortunately Ash looked much worse.

Mr Knht: And they able to tell how?

>The walk had
> sapped all his strength. Misty looked at the pokemon.
> "Charmeleon, go gather some fire wood.

R Jak [Misty]: See, I don't remember that you can make fire yourself.

>I need to clean Ash's injuries
> again." The pokemon nodded and started his task. Misty helped Ash
> into the cave that would serve as home for a while.

Ranma X.: So they made rudimentary couches and a coffee table.

> She cleaned all
> his wounds again. She then laid out their sleeping bags and got ready
> to make dinner. When she finished she wiped

NeoVid: ...How does she make dinner, exactly?

>some sweat off her brow
> and noticed Ash was staring at her. "What?" She asked
> "I was just thinking how pretty you are." He said. Misty turned
> away from him and blushed.

M.S:(singing)Love is in the air...
R. Jak: The man has no tact. Wait until you get some chocolates or roses
or something before you go all soft and crumbly, huh?

> With her head still turned she said
> "Thanks Ash." "I.... I'm sorry if I embarrassed you." He
> said. Ash lowered his head 'What am I doing! She doesn't like me that
> way. We're just friends' he thought.

MM: Yeah, he THOUGHT!

> Misty noticed his sudden change
> of mood. She couldn't think of anything to say so she sat down next
> to him

M.S.: Only 'next to?' Aww.

>and gave him a hug. He smiled weakly and soon fell asleep.
> "I love you Ash." she whispered as he slept.

All: AWWWWW...
Ranma X.: I'm gonna be violently ill in a few seconds.
R. Jak: Other end of the theater, man.

> "Char" She whipped around to see Charmeleon

MM: With a gun. This was becoming a darkfic.
Kate: It isn't already?

> standing their with a pile off wood in his arms. She
> slowly got up and walked to the pokemon. She bent
> down to be at eye level with it. "Did you hear what I said?"

NeoVid [Charmeleon]: Ten bucks every week until we reach town and I
forget all about it, sweety.

> "Char char" He nodded. Misty could feel panic building
> inside herself. If Charmeleon told Ash.... "Listen
> Charmeleon, don't tell Ash what I said okay?" "Mel?" It
> said. It had a confused look on it's face.

M.S. [Charmeleon]: Why, you swing the other way or something?

> " 'Why' huh? If
> he finds out it will be the end. I'll never have a chance to see if
> we could ever be together. I know he doesn't love me, but at least he
> likes me. You talk, and he won't even be my friend.

R. Jak: [confused] THAT'S how it works?

> Will you keep it
> a secret?" The pokemon nodded it's head. Misty sighed in relief. She
> stacked the wood in a pile and surrounded them with rocks. "Light
> this." Chameleon put his tail to the pile and it caught fire. The two
> cooked dinner together

MM: Don't ask what they ate, okay?
M.S.: Mmm. This wild Primeape is good! EVen better than the Snorlax jerky!
NeoVid: Well, better than the 'doughnuts' and 'hamburgers' they normally
eat.

> and then Misty woke Ash. "Whaaa?" He
> grumbled. "Wake up, Ash." "Why?" "You need
> to eat something."

M.S. [Misty]: And I'm right here.

>She handed him the bowl of stew. He ate a spoonful
> and smiled. "Pretty good. It tastes different from your
> usual cooking." "Well.... Charmeleon has a way with spices."

NeoVid: Yeah. He burns them.
Kate: Charmeleon is Colonel Sanders, apparently.
Ranma X.: Um guys, I don't think you want to know where the spice
comes from.
M.S.: Uh-oh, having a Dune moment. Or is it a Soylent Green moment.

> Ash looked at the fire pokemon. It was curled near the fire, lapping
> the stew out of a bowl. "Hey Charmeleon," The pokemon looked

Ranma X.: -Homicidal. I hope.

> at Ash "Nice cooking." "Char." (thanks) After that Ash and
> Charmeleon fell asleep, the days' journey and their injuries having
> exhausted them.

MM: He was so peacably asleep that Ash and Misty didn't notice Vadremon's
presence until he had already violated and torn Charmaleon to pieces.
Ranma X.: Okay, you can really stop now.

> Misty put more wood on the fire and was going to go
> to sleep when Ash woke up.

R. Jak [Ash]: I need to pee.
M.S. [Misty]: OH, FOR THE LOVE OF...

> "How you doing, Misty?"
> "I'm all right. How do you feel?" Ash got up, looked himself over,
> and stretched. "Much better. I'm still a little sore
> though."

Kate [Ash]: I mean, I was only just bleeding, bruised, and had a chunk
of wood stuck in my leg...

> "Don't be a baby, Ash. You'll be okay in a few
> days." She finished unzipping her sleeping bag when she felt Ash's
> hand on her shoulder.

Ranma X.: Which freaked her out a little considering Ash was on the
other side of the campfire at the time.

> She looked up at him. "Thanks for
> taking care of me, Misty" "Don't sweat it." She got up to go
> get something from her bag but Ash held her arm. "Ash, what
> are you....." that's all that got out before Ash kissed her.

All: AWWWWWWW...
Mr. Knht: Then, cave explode.
NeoVid: KNHT!
Mr. Knht: WHAT?

>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NeoVid: All those swear words had to be censored.
Ranma X.:Oh Yeah. I can hear Misty bad mouthing our wimpy protagonist
right now.
****************************************************

HURAK!
TUYAK!
GRK!
ZICK!
RYARK!
GHURK!
ERGK!
GRAAAAALLK!
HI-KEEBA!
M.S: o_o
Mr. Khnt: I don't know that film protectioners could make those sound.
Kate: Sounds like the film projector can't handle Felixman's work.
Ranma X: But it was doing so well, the poor deluded machine.
Mr. Knht: In others words, a sanity break soon right?
NeoVid: All in favor?
All: Aye.
Ranma X: Right. Jak, dispose of the dead bodies and write a letter of
apology or something.
R. Jak: (muttering) Not like anyone cares about...
Mr. Knht: You watn Kabutops to help?
R. Jak: Nope! I can handle it...(mutters) ...spoilsport...
MM [^_^'ing]: I'll help!
Mr. Knht: No, you canot eat them!
MM [Dejected]: Nuts...
M.S.: Ick...

#################################

The film finally stopped running, like it got cut, and the announcement
blared on. "DAMNIT, WRONG DAMN BUTTON!
Ahem, I guess you know what happened, get outta the theatre and get
something to drink till I can get this fixed." A pause. "Hello? Hello?"

R. Jak finished scooping the Scooby Guts in a trash bag and trudged out.

#################################

The people walked out of the theatre to see havoc like never before,
rotating panels were flipping on a regular basis, showing and hiding
the concession stands, automatic weapons, and various other things.

"I knew it..." NeoVid said, after watching the show for a moment. "Rube
Goldberg did design this place!"

"Yes," Kate agreed. "But where's the hamster?"

Magitek Master nudged Kate and pointed to a wheel behind them. Inside
was the largest hamster anyone had ever seen. "See that? I'm gonna steal
it after this is over. Been a while since I had hamster."

Midnight Star shook her head. "And I thought having bondage fairies
chasing after me was whacked."

Suddenly the screen flared on, showing the main work room with no one in
there. "Lets see, this has to do
somethi-OW!!!!" The noise of a shock can be heard, then continuous
swearing. "You just do something while I work on this!"

"Midnigt Star, you don't taking Jak's idea for doing 'something',
OK?" Knht said to the catgirl.

"I wasn't thinking about 'doing something' till you brought it up." She
said with an impish grin as she archd her wings behind her.

R. Jak came back in and handed a plastic bag to Mr Knht. "Hope you're
happy," he grumbled.

"No. But reast I can reincarnat them."

"That's what I feared. Just keep them away from me."

"Okay."

Silence.

"Damn, I need a good stiff drink now," Jak said finally.

Midnight Star reached into her plugsuit and pulled out some
tequila. "Here." She said as she handed it to him.

"What this?" wondered Mr. Knht as he found a paper. It was written by
Dr. W4. "Hmmm. It's seems part of a
Improfiction. I wonder I turn the page over I can see the other part of
it." Mr. Knht turned it over to see a different thing. Mr. Knht shakes
this head and past the paper over to Ranma X.

"I think you would love it." stated Mr. Khnt as he enlarged his hands to
grab 500 M & M boxes, 200 Butterfingers, 300 Reese Peanut Butter Cups,
and 400 Diet Coke cans.

"Leave some for the rest of us," remarked Kate.

"What'd he find?" Jak asked.

"It's the code to the Snack Bar's Wine And Beer Fridge." Ranma
X. stated. "Says here 'Turn off the pretzel and pop-corn cooker. Tap
10 times on key button, press up up down down left right left right B A
then select on the controller and the fridge will slide into the place.'"

NeoVid darted to the front and did what the note said. The fridge opened
up, and before them were bottles and cans of different beers and liquors
from all the corners of the world.

"Picked the wrong time to quit binge drinking..." R. Jak retorted.

"Want some Guiness, Knht?" Ranma said, offering his colleague a drink,
only to have Kate slap it away.

"Are you out of your mind?" Kate screamed. "He's crazy enough now!"

"No thinks. I only drink soft drinks!" stated Mr. Knht making his snacks
and drinks go into a good-size bookbag.

"Didn't know they made bags of holding into bookbags," Magitek Master
replied, grabbing roughly a dozen bottles of vodka and storing them in
her mouth.

"And they do make them into mouths?" R. Jak asked. MM simply glared
at him.

The orange light appeared.

"Look like Mr. Nintendo is calling us." stated Mr. Knht.

Suddenly a poof of smoke appears and a char in royal robes, carrying
some sort of crossbow appeared down on the theatre level.

"Hi Zeek." R. Jak, Neovid, and Ranma X. monotoned.

"Yea, it's me, I know the Onyx thing was rather cheap, but not that half
of you couldn't guess. "But now back into the theatre, reason why I got
this bow here, because there's no subordinate or anything."

Midnight Star jumped onto R Jak's back careful not to make him fall and
purred. "Back into the theater we go."

"I cank be subornate!" Knht stated.

"Uh...no. Now get outta here!"

Magitek Master grinned evilly at Zeek as the rest poured into the
theater. "You know, a crossbow doesn't do much against somebody who can
wipe out an entire fleet of battleships with her eyes. By the way, I'll
be waiting once we get out of this. The rest of the fic better not be
that bad... For your sake..." She cackled wickedly and floated in right
as the doors are closing.

Zeek raised his voice up as the doors slammed shut. "You'd be suprised,
mortal!" Zeek sighed. "I guess
it's time for plan B." After a flash of light, Zeek disappeared, and
the entire theatre room darkened...

#################################

>"You failed...." the boss said.

MM [Giovanni]: I said ORANGE cream puffs, NOT strawberry!
Ranma X [Minion]: Sorry sir! They were all out of orange!
MM [Giovanni]: Well then... I guess you won't mind taking a trip
down... THE LONG, SCARY TUBE!
Ranma X [Minion]: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

> "I'm sorry sir. This trainer is exceptionally good.

[All stifle laughter]

> I just need a few more men and more time."

MM: Well, there's your problem! You can't get men to breed! It's fun to
watch 'em try, though...
Ranma X: What is wrong with you?
MM: ... Sorry, I get this way when I have an impending sense of wrongness.
Mr. Knht: Wrongness?
Kate: I don't like the sound of that.
NeoVid: Why not?
M.S: Wrongness is fun.

> "You shall have them. The operation must succeed!" He slammed
> his fist into his chairs arm rest.

Mr. Knht [Chair]: Ow!
NeoVid: Giovanni, you insensitive bastard. Chairs are people too! If
you prick a chair, does it not bleed?
R. Jak: No. Chairs don't have blood, nor are they sentient.
NeoVid: Oh. Well, there goes my riff.
Kate: ~/o And no one heard at all, not even the chair... o/~

> "Uhhhh....Sir?" Jessie said "What!"

M.S.: Jessie's talking to herself.

"May we please be informed as to what
> the 'project' is?" the boss thinks on it for a minute then sighs.

All [Giovanni, sighing]: No.

> "I suppose your too deep in to be kept in the dark anymore."

Mr Knht: I thinking that deeper is dark...
Kate: "Deep" is not the word I'd use for Team Rocket.
Mr. Knht: Deep as a "deep" trouble with the Boss? Right?
Kate: You have no sense for sarcasm.
Mr. Knht: Arigato. [pause] HEY!!

> He presses a button on his chair and a map of the forest appears on the
> screen. Their is a small, blinking red dot on the map.

R. Jak: Oh. It's a deforestation project.

> "That dot
> represents the most important piece of equipment in the project.

MM [Kaji]: Damn you, flashing red dot! Damn you!

When
> it is activated, every wild pokemon in a four mile radius will be
> rendered unconscious.

Ranma X: So it's an EMP. Why didn't they just say that?

> We spent millions on it's development! But if
> we pull this off, the money we can make will double what we spent!"

MM: Maybe it's just me being a Pokehater, but wouldn't it be more
effecient to simply drop non-lethal doses of nerve gas over the forest
to have the same effect?
Kate: But the Pokemon would be in excrutiating pain because of it!
MM: And the downside of that?
Kate [Mumbling]: Nevermind...
Mr. Knht: To bad that you a head and don't had a body. MM.
MM: I do have a body. I just don't like assuming that form while
around... furverts.
[She stares at R. Jak]
R. Jak: What? WHAT?
M.S: [To MM] Furverts are fun to mess with, though.

> "Then why does that brat bother you so much?" James asked.

Ranma X: I can name several reasons...
Mr. Knht: HEY!

> "Idiot! If those two trainers are their to defend the wild
> pokemon, it will

NeoVid [exact Giovanni]: -Make the episode go more than 30 minutes!

>slow the operation! Worse yet, they could bring the
> authorities.

R. Jak: Who are all females in short skirts. Win-win situation there...
M.S.: That'd be bad. We all know how rabid Nintendo's lawyers are.
Mr. Knht [Nintendo's Lawyer]: Mr. Felixman, I heard to drop a lawsuit
from Nintendo because of your rotten use of friends at Game Freak
which spotten using their Pokemon character in a wrong-kind of
fan-fiction. BWHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

> The last thing we need is the cops swarming the place!"

Mr. Knht [James]: Like Butterfrees or Beedrill?

> "I personally guarantee that they won't escape this time."
> Toran said. "I expect only the best from you, Toran.

NeoVid [exact Giovanni]: But I'll send Jessie and James to make sure
you don't live up to those expectations.

> Don't
> disappoint me again. Dismissed!" The three left the room
> hoping to find Ash and Misty.

Kate: Unfortunately for them, Ash and Misty were not hiding in the
hallway.

>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[the group hums "Tea for Two", while Mr. Knht plays a air flute.]

> Misty pulled back from the kiss Ash was giving her.

NeoVid [Misty]: I keep telling you, the face this time!

> She
> had no idea what to think 'Does he love me to? Or does he just think
> he owes me? I need to think!' Misty quickly turned and ran out of the
> cave, tears forming in her eyes.

M.S: Thinking must hurt like a bitch...
MM: Misty IS a bit-
[Mr. Knht holds out his gameboy. MM stops]

> Ash just stood their, confused.
> 'I guess she doesn't love me.' he thought. Ash sat down for a
> long time. All he could see in his mind was

Mr Khnt: -Dust, cobwebs, crikets chirped...

>Misty running away from
> him, as if he were going to hurt her.

NeoVid: You ALWAYS make them run away, Ash.

> 'She hates me now! We were
> friends and I ruined it!" Ash decided he would try to explain it to
> her when she came back. Eventually he realized she wasn't coming
> back.

Ranma X: She had suddenly developed a brain.

>He crawled into his sleeping bag and cried himself to sleep.
>
>

MM: Should we be laughing or crying right now?
M.S: Possibly crying.
Mr. Knht: Can I dso boht?


>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Misty was sitting on a moss covered rock a dozen yards
> from the cave. The had climbed on it, wrapped her arms around her
> knee's and cried into her arms.

Kate: That was a sentence of Thinker magnitude.
MM: I don't know... At least Think uses apostrophes correctly...

> She wasn't sure how she should be
> feeling.

Ranma X: So she was faking crying, because the script called for
melodrama.

>Her thoughts sounded like two people arguing: 'He
> kissed me, and I had liked it. 'But what if it was just
> pity? 'What if he loves me and now he thinks I hate him?
> 'Maybe he's just scared?

M.S. [Misty]: Do I like ducks?
NeoVid [Misty]: Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?
R. Jak [Misty]: Do I REALLY like guys?
Mr. Knht [Misty]: Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
MM [Misty]: Why am I angsting over a ten year-old loser with horrific
hat-hair?
Kate [Misty]: Where's my agent?

>'I'm scared and I didn't kiss
> him. 'Well.... why don't I go back their and ask him how he
> feels? 'Good idea! Misty brought her head up with a
> jolt. Both sides had agreed on something! She smiled

R. Jak: And sadly, Smilitis claims yet another victim.

'It's gonna be
> tough, but if I just ask him what he meant by it, I won't have to
> guess anymore!'

NeoVid [Ash]: Uh, what I meant? ...Um, dunno.
M.S. [Misty]: So much for that idea.

>She jumped off the rock and ran back toward the cave.
> All of a sudden two men grabbed her arms and pinned her to the
> ground.

NeoVid [PJ]: She's rapebait!
MM, R. Jak, Ranma X: AAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEE!!
NeoVid: Oops.

> She tried to scream but one of them put a sock or some cloth
> in her mouth and she couldn't scream.

Mr. Knht: ?
NeoVid: Darnit! Who changed it to the Playboy channel?

> They tied her hands behind her
> back and lifted her off the ground. "Tell us where the boy
> is!" The tall one said. In response Misty kneed him in the groin.

R. Jak [other guy]: He's in your groin, huh? Well not for long!
Ranma X [tall guy]: Put those scissors away!
R. Jak [other guy]: Don't worry, Lenny! I'll get him out!

> The
> shorter man punched Misty in the stomach. Hard. She fell to the
> ground. "Filthy bitch!

MM [Shorter man, Lisping]: Don't you ever do that again, you thkank! I'll
give you thutch a thlap!

> Don't ever do that to a member of
> team rocket!" he said. Then he kicked her in the gut and she started
> sobbing

M.S.: -With laughter.
NeoVid [Misty]: Hee hee hee... it's like being hit with a feather...

>in pain. The short guy helped the tall guy and together they
> began leading/pushing her through the forest.

R. Jak: As I began retching/gagging at the story.
M.S.: Don't go for that thing, huh?
R. Jak: I... CUT THAT OUT!

> Around dawn they
> stopped to rest. "Are you hungry?" the tall one asked. Misty
> shock her head.

MM [Misty]: Take this, head! VINS VAN RAAM!

> He looked at her a moment then removed her gag.
> "Better?" "Yes ." Her stomach still hurt from the shots she
> had taken.

Ranma X: See, she just doesn't have the body mass to have that much
whiskey at once.

>"If you just tell me where the boy is, I'll let
> you go." he lied "It's him we're after." "His names Ash. Try
> calling for him. Mabye he'll kick your asses."

Ranma X: Or maybe he'll do what he always does.
MM: What, scream out catchprases, learn the Lesson Of The Day, job
needlessly, and be incredibly annoying?
Ranma X: Pretty much, yeah.

>The man smiled a small
> smile. "Your a feisty little thing."

Kate: Don't we know it.

> the shorter man walked
> in from the forest. the taller man looked at him "Well? Did you find
> any trace of the other one?"

NeoVid [short guy]: No tracings. Just this cardboard cutout.
Kate: Better than a chalk outline, I suppose.

>"Nothing. The damn kid's not
> anywhere near here." "Are you sure?" "If you don't
> trust me, go look for your damn self!"

Mr. Knht [tall guy]: I alredy know wshre that is!

>"Good idea, watch the
> kid." with that, the tall man walked off. The short guy sat across
> from Misty and ate an apple. Then he said: "So, did you eat
> bitch?"

NeoVid [Misty]: No, I'm straight!
MM: ... Bah. Just for that, I'm gonna go into full yaoi mode.
Mr. Knht: Noooo... ;_;
M.S: Teehee. Yaoi. >n_n<

>"Not yet, numb nut." "Whore!"
> "Slime!" "Skank!" "Cum catcher!"

R.Jak [short guy]: Brussel sprout!
M.S. [Misty]: Proletarian trough-sniffer!
R.Jak [short guy]: Fanserviced Lolita!
M.S. [Misty]: Oversexed incompetent!
R.Jak [short guy]: Silicone implanted wank fodder!
M.S. [Misty]: John Romero worshipper!
R.Jak [short guy]: Ooh, it's on now, you little...
MM: Wow. The maturity level just reached an all-time low.

> The man got up
> then and slapped Misty across the face. Then he smiled as if he had
> just gotten a good idea.

Kate: He hadn't, but he could fake it.

>"I'll bet your friend is nearby
> isn't he." Misty didn't answer. "Yeah... he's close and your trying
> to distract me while he sneaks up on me." he looked around the sight
> suspiciously.

NeoVid [Misty]: Are you paranoid or something?
Ranma X [guy]: No! I knew you'd ask that...

>Misty's fear was rising to new heights. If this lunatic
> actually thought Ash was close by, what would he do to draw him out?

MM: Strip nude and pretend he's getting buggered by a hentai demon.
Ranma X: Tentacles... Tentacles... THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! NOOOO!!! THE
SPIDER THINGS ARE COMING!!! AAAHHHH!!!... I'm okay.
Mr. Knht: @_@...
NeoVid: Dude, I think you broke him...
MM : Cool!

> "I'll get him over here." He started toward Misty. 'I will
> not scream. no matter what he does I won't scream!' Misty thought.

NeoVid [Guy]: ...BOO!
M.S. [Misty]: AHH!

> The guy squatted in front of Misty and tied her legs around the tree
> trunk she was sitting on. Misty was sweating and shaking.

Ranma X: She's having an episode!
MM [Misty]: ArfafvgtygVYTbvhugvtUGAbuhbgyuUByu!!!
Kate: ...
Mr. Knht: @_@...

"Last
> chance to do it the easy way. Call the boy." "Go to hell!"
> she said between gritted teeth.

NeoVid: Grrr! Grit those teeth!

> The man shrugged and then ripped
> Misty's shirt open.

R. Jak: The resulting shockwaves triggered a nearby fault, giving Viridian
City its worst earthquake in twenty years...
M.S.: WAI!!!
(M.S. glomps R.Jak, knocking the two to the ground and temporarily taking
them out of action.)
NeoVid: That's slightly disturbing...
R. Jak: Little HELP here!
NeoVid: ...I'll help if Mids invites me.
M.S: You swing that way, Neo?
Ranma X: Excuse me, but I'm having more trouble from the fic here...
MM: ...w00t. [begins chugging a bottle of vodka]

> Misty closed her eye and clenched her jaw shut.
> The man put his mouth to her chest and bit her, and again, and again.

[Kate and MM wince]
MM: Ouchie...
NeoVid: Would that qualify as a "bad touch?"
Kate: Yes, that would...
Mr. Knht: @_@...

> It hurt so much! But for Ash she could take it, she wouldn't let
> these assholes near him.

MM: Yeah, just let any assholes near Ash and he just goes crazy with
desire.
Mr. Knht: O_o (blink blink)
MM: Teehee...
Mr. Knht: My tummy are sick...

> He continued to bite her as his
> hands slipped into her shorts. When he started groping around

Ranma X [guy]: Dammit, she's not anatomically correct!

>in her
> privates, Misty lost control. 'Forgive me!' she thought to herself.

NeoVid [Misty]: I think I'm starting to enjoy this!
[MM's eyes go wide. She suddenly explodes outwards into a 30 foot tall
robot armed with an insane array of energy weapons]
MM: DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!
[MM fires all of her weaponry at once. Where NeoVid and his chair was,
there is now only a large crater]
MM [Changing back]: Damn hentai...
[NeoVid crawls out of the crater, looking a little charred, but none
the worse for wear]
NeoVid: Ah, I never get tired of that.
Ranma X: Dove bar?
NeoVid: Please do.
MM [muttering] Stupid indestructable avatars...

> Then she screamed. She screamed until she couldn't
> scream anymore.

Ranma X: And then she screamed once more, just to be sure.

>
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>

MM: Felixman... You've sunk to a new low. I KILL YOU!
Ranma X: Hmm...
[An evil look comes over Ranma X's face]
Ranma X: Hey MM...
MM: WHAT?!
Ranma X: Who is the one who is making us watch the Felixman fic?
MM: ...ZEEEEEEEEKK!!! YOU WILL DDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
NeoVid: ...He is the weakest Link. He must die.
Ranma X: Heh.
Kate: It isn't nice to have someone else commit your revenge for you.
Ranma X: Feh. I can't be bothered.
(R. Jak manages to free himself...)
M.S.: Sorry...
R. Jak: Whatever...
(A bluish grey aura breifly glows around her as Midnight Star stretches
before getting back in her seat.)
MM: GRRRAAAAAAGGH! I KILL ALL!!! DEATH WILL CLAIM ALL OF YOU!!! I-
[A rather rough-around-the-edges quadrone teleports in and hands MM some
cheese. He then teleports away]
MM: ...I'm all right now. Thanks, Nordom!
Kate [Facepalming]: This is getting really screwed up...
Mr. Knht: It dont already?

> Charmeleon woke when he heard something.

MM: Ash was moaning "Shigeru-sama... please... yes..." in his sleep again.
R. Jak: [just STARING at MM] ...
Mr. Knht: If you do more, I use the Game boy.
MM: Whatever...
M.S.: ShiShi is fun.

> He listened carefully and heard it a gain.

MM [Ash]: Shi... SHIGERU-SAMA!!!
Mr. Knht: Aggh!
[Mr. Knht raises his gameboy up into the air and pulls a Master Ball
out of it. He chucks it at MM, who is promptly sucked inside.]
NeoVid: Wow. She WAS a Pokemon.
[Mr. Knht strikes a vaguely Thinker-esque victory pose.]
Mr. Knht: I caught MMK!
Kate: The MMK? Where?!
[The Master Ball suddenly opens, and MM pops out, in her humanoid
form. She sits down]
MM: It's MM, by the way.
[All stare at MM, who now looks like an anthropomorphic fox with glowing
green eyes.]
MM: What?
Kate: Ummm... how can I put this politely?
NeoVid: You're completely naked.
MM: Huh? [Looks down] ... AAIIIEE!!!
[She ducks behind her seat and pokes her head up over it.]
Ranma X: Dude, Jak, your nose is bleeding again.
R. Jak: No it ISN'T! Shut up!
M.S: You need to get your nose fixed.
R. Jak: No, my nose is FINE!

>A call...

NeoVid: RIIIIIIIICOLA!

> no a scream......

Kate: No, wait. It's a belch!

> Misty's scream! He got up
> and ran to Ash's side.

NeoVid: Charmeleon's not straight either?

>He began shaking the young trainer.

MM [Charmeleon]: Dammit, stop dreaming about Shigeru! We've gotta
rescue Misty!

> Ash finally woke up.

Ranma X: Unfortunately...

> "What is it Charmeleon?"

[The Lassie music starts playing]
Kate: Charmeeeeeeeeeeeeleon! Charmeeeeeeleon! Where are you, boy?

> "Char char char, meleon char!" (Misty is in danger,
> we must help

NeoVid: -Get her into more danger!

> her!) Ash bolted out of bed and looked around.

MM: So, he ate the bed and grew it out of his left arm?
NeoVid: Anyone who gets that ref, raise your hand.
[Only NeoVid raises hand.]

> Misty wasn't their. He
> dressed and put on his sword.

NeoVid: That can be taken wrong...
M.S.: Ash has a detachable wang.
NeoVid [exact Ladies' Man]: Yeh, well, that's jus' disgustin'...

> He ran out of the cave.

Kate: And into a tree. *Whumph!*

> In the distance, Ash
> could her a girls scream.
> "Track her, Charmeleon!" The pokemon didn't hesitate. It began

MM: To show his unbridled passio...
[Mr. Knht shows his Game Boy.]
MM: I get message. Although it would be nice if I could get some clothes
and stuff.
NeoVid: You're perfect the way you are.
MM: ...
NeoVid: And I think R. Jak agrees, am I correct?
R. Jak: (seething) I still have a gun, Neo.
NeoVid: Oh... right.

> looking for her trail, sniffing for her scent.

Kate: Doing this, doing that.

> He found her scent and
> dashed after it. He could hear Ash's footsteps as he followed.

Mr Khnt: Even thoiugh he was walked on his hands.

>The two
> continued into the forest all day. Misty's screams had stopped long ago.

MM: Thank Ghuval. They finally shut her up.

> They didn't stop traveling, not to eat, not to rest, not to piss.

Ranma X: Thank you for that, Felixman.
M.S [Misty]: I need to pee!!

> A few hours before nightfall Ash and Charmeleon came
> upon a camp site.

MM: ... Is there a huge amount of corpses littering the place?
Kate: Nope.
MM: A bunch of really stupid looking tents?
Kate: Nope.
MM: Any flaming wreckage?
Kate: Nope.
MM: Any drunken hooliganism going on?
Kate: Possibly.
MM: Good. Then it isn't the rest of my party.
Kate: I don't think I want to meet them.
NeoVid: I don't know, they sound like a pretty fun bunch.

> Charmeleon said that the place reeked of Misty and her kidnappers.

R. Jak: This stresses the importance of showers during kidnapping
operations.

> The duo crept to the edge of the site and looked around.

MS: He then hopped into Deathscythe and blew the hell out of the camp.
Kate: Not that Duo.
MS: Oh.

> One guy
> was sitting on a log eating.

NeoVid: A log-eating what?

>Their was

R Jak [guy]: Where'd I leave our was?

>a disturbance to his right and he
> got up and started talking to someone. A man, shorter than the first,
> walked out of the bushes.

NeoVid [short guy]: Dammit, that's the last time you fool me into wiping
with poison oak leaves!

>He was holding a chain. The other end of the
> chain was wrapped around Misty's neck.

MM: Kinky.
NeoVid: Nuts. Beat me to it.
Mr. Khnt: ... Nooo...

> Ash looked at misty.

R. Jak [Fawlty]: Good god, you're ugly...

> Her shirt was
> gone and the front of her pants were hanging open.

NeoVid: She's become a rapper!

> She had a lot of cuts
> and bruises and a large red mark on her face.

Kate: The short guy did give her "thutch a thlap."

> Ash was beyond furious.

MM: He was... What's beyond furious?
R. Jak: Minty fresh.
NeoVid: Pedantic.
MM: ...what?

> He drew his sword and was about to charge
> into a fight when Charmeleon stopped him.
> "Charmeleon, char char. Mel char, meleon char"

MM: Translation: Man, look at the butt on the short guy! Niiiice...
R. Jak: Translation: Go ahead. I'll be right behind you.
NeoVid: Translation: They got to do that, and didn't invite me?
Kate: Translation: I've got fifty bucks riding on you. Don't screw up.

> (It's to risky,
> Ash.

Mr Knht: If you not going to Risky right now, we are get killed!

>Attack now and you will die.)
> "Who cares as long as she's safe!"

NeoVid: I dunno. She looks pretty safe now...

> "Char eleon mel." (Your to important)
> "I love her!"
> "Mel char eleon mel." (She loves you too.)
> "She does?"

Ranma X: As much as a woman could love a demented, hyperactive brat
like him.

> "Char. Meleon char char, el char mel eleon mel." (Yes. She made
> me promise not to tell, but you deserve to know now.) he looked at
Ash to
> be sure the boy wouldn't do anything drastic, then he said: "Charmeleon
> meleon char char. Meleon char el."

NeoVid [Charmelion]: No, just kidding. She likes that Jessie
chick. Something about the cleavage.

> (We wait for the right moment. Then we
> strike) Ash nodded.

MM [Ash]: In the meantime, let's make out.
Mr. Khnt: AIIIEEE!! [He falls on the ground and starts spasming]
R. Jak: I think you broke him.
NeoVid: I bet you wouldn't mind being broke, huh, Jak?
R. Jak: Stop it. Now.

>
>
>
> "So, Brock. You mentioned that you want to become a pokémon
> breeder?"

NeoVid [exact Brock]: No, I'm only interested in humans.

>Cassara asked. Brock swallowed the forkful of fish in his mouth,
> nearly choking on it.

Ranma X: Meaning he'll have to eat the rest of the fish. Poor bastard.

> "That's right. I've dedicated my life to the care of pokémon. How
about you?"

Kate: He said that while nearly choking on fish? He must be pretty
talented.

> "I've decided to become a pokémon nurse mastering in 
>flying pokémon." As if that were a Que.

Mr. Knht [Getting up off the floor]: I think that Q was to be a C,
Felixiot.
MM: THINKER is teaching spelling... There's a new one.
Mr. Knht [Sitting down]: I'm not a THINKER. I'm KNHT.
R. Jak: Keep it up and you'll be Maurice. And NOBODY wants that!
M.S.: You're so brave...
R. Jak: Hey! Don't you start!
M.S: [Smiles innocently] Start what?

> a large
>bird fell out of the sky and
> smashed the table Brock and Cassara were eating at.

Mr Knht [bird]: I a black belt of Kung Fo!

>"Oh my god, a
> Pidgeotto!"
> "You dumb bird, we're trying to eat here!" Brock yelled.
> "Pidgeoo, pid pidge oo." the bird replied weakly. Cassara gasped
> and staggered back.

Kate [Cassara]: Timmy fell down the well?

> "What did it say?" Brock demanded

NeoVid: It probably was profanity considering it free falled from the
sky onto the table.

> "It said 'Brock, Ash needs you.' "

MM: WHY DOES EVERYONE UNDERSTAND POKE-SPEAK IN THIS FIC!?!?

> Brock's head snapped

Kate: [wincing] Ow.

> to the
> bird. In it's beak was Ash's

R Jak: -Head.

>cap.

R Jak: Well, I can dream.

>Brock lifted the bird gently and turned
> to leave.
> "I'm sorry, Cassara. My friends need my help."

NeoVid: Brock, Drool Over Girl attack, now!

>he started running
> away.
> "Hold it!" A man shouted. It was the store manager. Brock turned
> back. "You owe me money."
> "I already paid for the food!"
> "Not the food, the table! It's gonna cost you a hundred bucks to
> replace it."

R. Jak: What? Where the hell'd you get it from? Ikea?
NeoVid: No, Ikea only uses chairs.

> "I don't have that much money!"
> "Then you can wash dishes the rest of the day to pay off your
> debt."

NeoVid [Flik]: Why do we have to wash dishes for that scoundrel?

>Brock thought about it. If he tried to leave, the man would call
> the cops. If he stayed, Ash and Misty could get hurt or even killed. He
> finally thought of a solution.

Ranma X: He kicked the manager in the nuts, ate his heart, then ran
to help.

> "Cassara will you please take this Pidgeotto to the pokémon
> center?"
> "Sure." She cradled the bird in her arms and started running.
> "Pikachu!" Brock yelled. The electric rodent ran out

MM: -In the street and was run over.

>of a near by
> tree and looked up at Brock. "Pikachu Ash is in trouble. Will you please
> take Squirtle, Bulbasaur, and Zubat and go help him?"

NeoVid: You know, it'd be so hilarious if it said no right now.

> their was no
> hesitation for the pokémon to nod. Brock dropped the three pokeballs to
> the ground and ran inside.

MM: Clunk clunk clunk. Wow. No wonder he was always so horny. THREE balls.
[M.S bursts into giggles]
Mr. Knht: ... I not even TOUCH that one...
R. Jak: I wouldn't touch them either.

>'Maybe if I work hard enough, he'll let me go
> earlier.' he thought.

NeoVid: After all, he told them three hours ago that he had to use
the restroom.

>
>
>
>
>
> Pikachu released the others from their pokeballs.
>They were confused that their were no humans around
>to guide them.

MS: So they wandered aimlessly around for a while until they ravaged a
nearby town.

> "What's going on?" Bulbasaur asked.
> "Ash and Misty are in trouble. We need to find them." Pikachu
> answered
> "Where do we start looking?" Zubat asked quickly.

NeoVid [Pikachu]: Since when can you look at anything? You don't have
eyes.

>Pikachu pointed
> at the woods and the group started running.
> "What do we do if their hurt?" Squirtle shouted out.

R. Jak [Pikachu]: Eat them. Duh...

>He was the slowest runner and was falling behind a
>bit. No one answered and Pikachu
> kicked into high gear.

Mr. Knht: He's not a car, Felixron.

>
>
>
>
>
>
> After a while

All: [jumps] AAAAAH!

> the two men, obvious members of team
>rocket,

NeoVid: Sexual Crimes Division.
MM: Since when have there been subtle members of Team Rocket?

> started arguing. apparently the short guy
>wanted to be alone with Misty in the camp this time
>and the tall guy didn't want it to happen.

NeoVid [tall guy]: No, those weren't poison oak leaves, really!

>Eventually
>the tall guy agreed and stomped off into the woods.
>Without a word between them, Ash and Charmeleon knew
>this was the right moment.

MM: So they went home. The end.

> As the man started tying Misty's ankles together,
> Charmeleon started to circle the camp site and Ash
> ran straight at the man, sword in hand. The guy saw
> Ash out of the corner of his eye and

R. Jak: SCREAMED LIKE A LEETLE WOOOOOOMAN!

> braced for the impact. The two crashed
> together and rolled away from Misty. Ash got up and
> backed away before the other man could grab him.
> "You must be Ash."

Kate [tall guy]: Or you will be, after I set you on fire.
NeoVid [Ash]: I was supposed to be in the new Evil Dead movie, but I'm
reduced to this....

>he said. "We've been looking all
>over for you.

M.S. [Short Guy]: Well, not really. We had Misty here.

> I needed to keep your girlfriend company since you

NeoVid [short guy]: -Don't know what these "girlfriend" things are for.

>were gone." he smiled the most disgusting smile Ash
>had ever seen.

NeoVid: He's smiling just like Condit! ...I can do topical humor, dammit.

>He turned suddenly and ran

MM: -Like the little spineless wimp he is.

> for a gun lying a few yards away. He never made it.
> Charmeleon leapt out of a tree and onto the man's
>shoulders. Their was a quick struggle, a
> horrible snapping sound, then the man fell over and didn't move.

Kate: Let's hear it for random gratuitous Pokemon violence, ladies
and gentlemen.
All: Yay...

> Charmeleon got up and dusted himself off.
> Ash sheathed his sword and ran to Misty.

NeoVid: Then he unsheathed it again...

>She looked
> dazed. He untied her hands and feet but couldn't get
>the chain off her neck.
> "Charmeleon!" he called. The fire pokémon walked up and bit

Ranma X: He already bites!

>the
> lock off the chain. Ash removed his sword, his jacket and then
> took off his shirt

R. Jak: Whoa, wait! Take any more clothes off and you'll regret it, Ash.

> and put it on Misty. She finally snapped out of it, looked up
> and recognized Ash. Tears welled in her eyes.

Mr Knht [Misty]: AHAH! MY EYE! Tape them back up!

>Ash used a piece of rope as
> a belt to hold her pants closed, the button and zipper had been
destroyed.

MM: Forget getting a refund for those...

> He then helped he to her feet. No sooner was she standing that she threw
> her arms around his neck and

Ranma X: -Strangled him to death.
R Jak [Misty]: How could you not notice I had been kidnapped, you moron!!

>cried on his shoulder. Ash held her for a
> long time. The two finally separated

NeoVid: Or tried to, but by then, they were too sticky...

>and Misty looked into ash's eyes.
> "Thank you so much Ash. If you hadn't saved me.... "Tears again
> began forming.
> "Don't cry Misty. It's over. The asshole that did this to you is
> dead." Misty looked at the still figure. No tears appeared.

MM [Misty]: Ew...

> "Good." she said.
> "I was worried sick about you misty," Ash began.
> "I love you, Ash" Misty said when he paused.

Ranma X [Ash]: Ew...

> "I didn't know if you were dead or..... you what?"
> "I said I love you." Ash stared at her a moment an odd look on
> his face.

Ranma X [Ash]: EEEEEEEEEEWW!

> ' Time to know the truth.' she thought. Ash looked down at the
> ground and mumbled something.
> "What did you say?" he straightened and looked her in the eye.

M.S.: He said, "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STUCK WITH HER!"

> "I said I love you too, Misty." Misty smiled. Then Ash did to.
> Misty wrapped her arms around his shoulders and Ash put his arms around
> her waist. The two kissed. This time no one pulled away.

Mr Khnt [no one]: You not about to dragging me into this!

> 'Good for you. You guy's deserve each other' Charmeleon thought.
> He smiled at the two then turned away to give them some privacy. He
heard
> a snap and turned back. The second man was their, and he had a gun!

R. Jak: [rolls eyes] Seen it...

> "Char char!" (Look out!) the pokémon cried. Ash opened his eyes
> and saw the man. He pushed Misty away from him. Just then the man
fired at
> Ash. Charmeleon ran at the human,

MM: There's one of those in this story?

>flames pouring out of his jaws. The team
> rocket member turned to Charmeleon and fired three times. Charmeleon
> slammed into the human and tore his

NeoVid: -Shorts off. He wasn't going to be left out of the action
any longer.

>throat out. Blood shot out of the
> man's ruined throat a moment, then he fell limp. Then the pokémon
himself
> collapsed.

[The Roasters who hates Pokemon cheer.]
Mr. Knht: I hate to be a spoiler spot, but I doubt that this is end of
the story.
[The Roasters stares at Mr. Knht.]
Kate: Well... yeah.
MM: Um... Could I please get some clothes?
[M.S gives MM a fluffy shirt]
MM: Er...pants?
[M.S slips off her plugsuit and searches through plugsuit space for
pants and pulls a pair out.]
M.S: Here, MM.
MM: Thanks.
NeoVid: Uh...Jak?
R. Jak: [blowing his nose] Say nothing...

> Misty was terrified, and confused.

Ranma X: And moronic, and boring...

> Everything seemed
> to be

Mr. Knht: Lost.

> getting better. She and Ash had admitted their love and the man that had
> hurt her was dead.

MM: That's odd...
Mr. Knht: What?
MM: I don't think I saw Felixman's obituary in the Author Weekly.
[Rimshot]

> But she had forgotten the second man, everyone had.

NeoVid: I didn't.
Kate: That's nice.

> After Charmeleon's warning it all happened so fast.

MM: Ultros appeared, started talking trash, Domino Hurley showed up
and attacked us, and then they both suddenly merged into Manuhausin,
and he started to summon Atma, and he killed Cyril, and-
Ranma X: What in the hell are you talking about?
MM: Oh. Sorry. So then Gaia starts to die, and the mists all focus in,
and Atma-
R. Jak: No, really, what are you talking about?
MM: ... Nothing...
[Receives stares]
MM: What? I can't talk about the RPG I come from?
Kate: NO!

> Ash pushed her to
> safety then their was a shot.

MM: Well, you have to give Felixman something - At least he's consistent
with his spelling errors.

> Charmeleon snarled, their were three more
> shots then it went quiet.

R Jak: No one could stay conscious after drinking all those shots.

>Misty got up and looked toward the gunman. He
> was

Kate: ...standing on the grassy knoll.

> lying in a pool of his own blood. Not two feet away Charmeleon was
> also lying still.

MM: Wow. Tough love.
Mr. Knht: Urk...
NeoVid [Danny Elfman, singing]: I want to make violent love to you...
Mr. Knht: URK!
M.S.: Charmeleon doesn't have very good stamina, does he?
Mr. Knht: UUURRRKKK!! x_x
[Mr. Knht falls out of his chair again]
Kate: Guys, please stop torturing Mr. Knht.
MM, NeoVid, M.S.: Why...? ^-^
R. Jak: ...jeez...

> Misty ran to the pokémon. Their was a bullet wound in
> it's shoulder and another in it's stomach. It was unconscious.

Ranma X: Or dead. Can never tell with these things.
NeoVid: No, Pokémon can only faint, not get killed.
R. Jak: Only Digimon get killed.
MM: And you'd be able to tell if a DiGimon was dead, 'cause it would
discorporate into a cloud of zeroes and ones.
Ranma X: OKAY, I GET THE POINT!!

> A moment
> later Ash was standing at Misty's side.
> "How is he?" he asked.
> "Not good. Ash we need to..."

NeoVid [exact Misty]: -find a way out of this story before any horny
zombies show up!
[Ranma X, R. Jak, and MM all turn towards NeoVid]
R. Jak: I say we hurt him.
Ranma X: I say we hurt him badly.
[MM changes into her Shadow Demon form and extends a bunch
of... Tentacles]
MM: I say you let me deal with him.
Mr. Knht [Getting up]: How abuot all of teh above?
[MM, Ranma X, and R. Jak all nod. When they turn towards NeoVid, they
find that he has disappeared]
Ranma X: ... Damn.
[MM transforms back, looking dejected]
R. Jak: I should have figured he'd do that.
[They all sit down. NeoVid peeks up from behind Kate's chair and grins
at her]
Kate: You've either got a lot of guts, or no brain... Probably both.

>she turned to look at him while she
> finished the sentence and noticed the trail of blood he had
left. "You're
> bleeding!"

M.S. [Ash]: What? Oh, no. That's just the ketchup I carry around.
MM [British]: 'Tis but a flesh wound!

> "I think that bullet caught me in the back, no big deal."
> "No big deal?"

[NeoVid gets back in his chair]
NeoVid [exact Ash]: Yeah, a coward like me has lots of experience being
shot in the back!
[NeoVid stares at MM]
MM: What is it now?
NeoVid: Well, it's just that your clothes ripped off when you turned
into that demon thing.
MM: ... DAMMIT!
[She jumps behind the seat again]
M.S.: Wacky.

> "I'll be okay, Misty! Now how do we help Charmeleon?"
> "We can't. He needs surgery. I'll bandage him up, then we need to
> get out of here."

Ranma X [Ash]: Duh, I'll tie a tourniquet around his neck to stop the
bleeding...
MM [Exact Bob Herzog]: I'm applying a tourniquet to my neck wounds and
firing a Bolt of Slaying at the little bastard!
R. Jak: That's disturbing.

>Ash nodded and gathered his jacket, sword, and a few
> other provisions lying around the camp.

NeoVid: Like that whip the guy was using earlier.

> He went back to Misty and found
> she had finished. She was holding Charmeleon, the pokémon was wrapped
in a
> blanket.

M.S.: Awww...he looks so kawaii ^_^!
R. Jak: Wounded Pokemon are like that.
MM: I actually think they look more... tasty when they're injured.

> They started walking, following a trail they hoped would lead to
> New Haven.

MM: It actually led to the 7th layer of Baator.
R. Jak: Obscure.

>
>
> "No sign of them!" Pikachu ranted.
> "We had better rest." Squirtle said.
> "Wimp! No rest till we find our friends!" Pikachu yelled.

MM: Pikachu, you are such a little bitch.

> "Squirtle is right. I'm the only one who can see in the dark, you
> guy's would just get lost. we should rest and start again at day break."
> Zubat said

NeoVid: Zubat? He was sounding more like Dr Pedantic.

> "I agree. We're no good to Ash if we're lost, confused, and tired
> when we find him." Bulbasaur added.

Kate: So they'll never be any good to Ash.

> "Huh...... fine. We sleep now and start again at dawn. But if Ash
> dies tonight, you'll all have to face me!" Pikachu said.

MM [Deadpan]: Oh my, aren't we scary.

> He climbed a
> tree, pouted, and thought about Ash

M.S.: In a bikini.
Ranma X: GAH!
[Mr. Knht's eyes glaze over and slumps back into his chair]
NeoVid: Damn, that's dirty.

> till he fell asleep.
> "What an attitude!" Zubat whispered once he was sure Pikachu wasn't

Mr. Knht: Trying to cooked Squirtle.
Kate: I didn't know you did dark riffs.
Mr. Knht: That wasn't a dark riff. That was almost
dark riff.
NeoVid: Cooking Pokemon isn't dark?
MM: Hell no! They're good with ketchup!
(pause)
MM:...so I heard.

> listening.
> "Back off! It's not your master lost in the woods!" Bulbasaur growled
> "My master would never do something this stupid!"

MM: Not more than once an hour, anyway.

> "He would if a girl asked him!"
> "Shut up both of you!" Squirtle interrupted. "Let's get some

Mr Knht: Not that all again...

> sleep while we can. If we're not ready to search by dawn, Pikachu
is going
> to make us ready, understand!"

R. Jak: Suddenly, I have an image of Pikachu in a Sergeant Slaughter
outfit.
Ranma X: Don't be silly. Where'd you find fatigues that size?
[MM pulls out a chibi General Zan, complete with tiny fatigues]
Ranma X: ... Why do I even bother?

> The others nodded their agreement and the
> three settled down for the night.
>
>

MM: After their huge orgy, that is.
Ranma X: AAARRGGHH!!
R. Jak [Clutching his head]: Bad... Mental... Images...
[Mr. Knht quietly spontaniously combusts and bursts into flame]
Kate: AAAH!
[M.S. Pulls a fire extinguisher out of plugsuit space and puts Mr. Knht
out]
NeoVid: ... That was dirty, even for me.
MM: Me am evil. ^_^

>
> Brock ran into the pokémon center at top speed. He grabbed his
> back pack and was heading for the door when Cassara called to him.

NeoVid [Cassara]: BBEEEEEEELLLLLLCCCHHH!!!
R. Jak [Brock]: Gasp! That's Cassara's belch! She must need me!

> "What is it?" he asked
> "I talked to your friends Pidgeotto.

Mr Knht [Cassara]: But all it say is "Pidgeo..." so I never learn
anything.

> It says team rocket is the
> source of your friends trouble!"

MM: Damn. And I thought it was serious...

> "Team rocket! I have to get to Ash now!" He turned to leave and
> slammed into officer Jenny.
> "Hey, watch it!" she yelled.
> "Sorry, I'm in a hurry." He started going again but the officer
> held his arm.

R. Jak [Jenny]: Smething really must be wrong! You forgot to grope
me today!

> "Hold on, you're not trying to go into the woods are you?"
> "I am."
> "I'm sorry but I can't let you do that."
> "Why not?"

Ranma X: Probably because she's a bitch.

> "We found two dead bodies in the woods."

MM: Two? Sure seems like a bunch more got offed.
R. Jak: No, that was just the overly-long fight scene screwing with
your head.
MM: Oh. Okay.

Brock's heart skipped a
> beat.
> "How did they....."
> "They were attack by a very vicious wild pokémon. They injured
> it, and the blood sample says it was

Ranma X [Jenny]: -quite stoned.

> a Charmeleon." Brock's heart sank
> lower. ' I knew that pokémon was trouble, but to kill Ash and Misty?'

NeoVid [Brock]: I mean, that bastard beat me to it!
R. Jak [Jenny]: Is there something wrong?
NeoVid [Brock]: What? NO! NO!

> "Ash, Misty, gone?" he whispered.
> "Ash and Misty? The men's identification said their names were
> Max and Bernard."

MM: Be... Bernard? NOOOOOOOO!!! THEY KILLED BERNARD!!! YOU BASTARDS!!! HE
WAS ONLY 23!!! AND HE HAD JUST SAVED THE WORLD FROM PURPLE TENTACLE!!!
Kate: ...Okay...

> officer Jenny said. Brock's head snapped up.

[NeoVid makes a cracking sound]

> "You mean it wasn't two kids that were killed?"
> "No. The victims were men, 28 and 30 years of age. Their outfits
> were team rocket uniforms. That's why you can't go their.

Mr Knht: Can't go their what?

> There's

MM: Hooray! He got the right word!
Kate: Yay.

> a major
> investigation going on up their." Brock sighed in relief.
>
> "All right, I'll stay here. Officer Jenny, if your men find a
> couple of eleven year old kids could you have them brought here?

M.S. [Brock]: I'm lonely.

> Their my
> friends and I'm worried about them."

Kate: ... And he immediately screws up again.
NeoVid: Ah well. What do you expect from Felixman?
MM: A slow, painful, bloody death.
[All stare]
MM: What?

>
> "Of course."
> Brock settled down on a couch and Cassara sat next to him. She
> didn't need to ask how he felt, it was obvious.

R. Jak: He was horny, as always.
Kate [Cassara]: He has his eyes closed, so he's horny.

> She rested her head on
> his shoulder and they went to sleep. It had been a hard day.
>
>
>
> Ash wished he could rest. He was so tired, he could barely move.

R. Jak: (low voice) And he was so sleepy he could barely keep awake...

> Misty made him go on. If he didn't care for her as much as he did, he
> probably would have killed her just so he could rest.

Kate: That's a pleasant thought.
NeoVid: It just wouldn't stop pestering him, no matter how many times
he said he wasn't in the mood.

> Then their was Charmeleon.
> The fire pokémon was still losing blood. It had regained
> consciousness around dawn but slipped back under shortly.

Kate: He lost it becuase Misty was trying to sing country tunes.
Mr. Knht: (as Misty singing very very bad.) Don't wanna close my
eeeeeeeyes!
R. Jak: (Charmelion) Death's too good for me... zzzzzz...

>Ash was afraid
> it would die.

MM: He. He would die. Not "It".

> The two were starting to be friends and now it might end.
> Ash had stopped watching the road so he snagged his foot on a vine, he
> slipped and fell on his face.

NeoVid: Yes, even in the face of peril, Ash finds it necessary to
provide slapstick.

> He tried to get up but couldn't for some
> reason. His eyes started to close, he wanted to rest. He could hear
> Misty
> vaguely in the background calling him,

R. Jak: She was calling him "geek", "loser", "bozo"...

> but he ignored her. It was time to
> rest.

MM: SLEEEEEEP!

> Just when sleep was going to overtake him a large amount of water
> splashed his face. He sputtered and coughed and sat up.
> "What happene?" he asked. Misty had a worried frown on her
> face.

NeoVid [exact Misty]: AHH! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!

> "I jammed your head in the river to wake you up.

MM: Damn. That's not a nice way to wake a guy up. 'Specially if the
water's cold.
R. Jak: I don't get i... [He winces]

You were
> slipping away."
> "Sorry. I'm just so tired."
> "I know. I'm tired too, but we can't stop okay?"
> "Yeah. How's Charmeleon?"

M.S. [exact Misty]: He's great! They should sell whatever he's got as
a virility drug...

> "He's getting worse. His color is wrong." Ash looked over to
> where the pokémon was lying. Misty was right, it's normally dark
> red skin was a redish-pink.

NeoVid: You shouldn't worry until it turns plaid, anyway.

> He must be going into shock. The flame on it's tail was
> only one fourth it's usual size, and shrinking.

NeoVid [Charmeleon]: Oh dear, I'm flaming!

> "Let's get going." he said. With great effort he got to his feet.
> Misty lifted Charmeleon and the trio started off again.
>
>
>
> A man in a team rocket uniform watched as a boy and a girl
> carrying a fire

NeoVid [man]: Unbelievable. They're too dumb to notice themselves melting.

>pokémon walked past him. He was hidden in the bushes,
> waiting for just this moment. When the kids were out of ear-shot, he
> lifted his radio to his mouth.

MM [Man]: PSTSHSTSHSPPPPTT!
M.S. [Other guy]: Dammit, why do you always slobber all over the radio?!?

> "This is unit 13 reporting. I have them."
> "Excellent. Units 14 and 19 are coming to

R Jak [other guy]: They were doing that Three Stooges bit again and
knocked themselves out.

>assist you. Attack
> now." A man answered over the radio.
> "Roger." The man put the radio away and ran after the kids.
>

R. Jak: This is drama, right?
Kate: I dunno.

>
> Charmeleon lifted his head.
> "Char mel." he whispered.

NeoVid: Translation: "Blarg."

Ash drew the sword.
> "What did he say?"
> "He said 'behind you'."

NeoVid: No, he said "Below me. Huh huh. B'low me."

>Ash pushed misty aside as a man charged
> up the trail. Ash swung the sword low and spilled his intestines.

MM: Whoopsie daisy...
M.S: Clean up in aisle 7.

> Charmeleon shot some fire at him for good measure.

Ranma X: His guts are spilled across the freakin' ground. I THINK
HE'S DEAD!!
NeoVid: So? It's funny.
Ranma X: The HELL IT IS!

> Ash was really worried
> now. The pokémon's flame was a very light yellow, not the usual
dark red.

MM: Charmeleon has jaundice.

> Even his powers were failing. Of course, they were still more than
enough
> to finish off the dying man.
> Two more men burst out of the woods. One grabbed Ash's arm and
> the other tried to grab his feet.

NeoVid: Oh no! It's the Misty scene, but with guys!
All but MM and M.S.: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
MM and M.S.: Oooooh...

> Ash kicked the second guy in the face.

Ranma X: How the hell did he do that? Ash is like... What, 4 feet tall?
MM: These fight scenes read like Naked Lunch.
NeoVid [exact Ash]: I'll jump up and kick you in the behind!

> Suddenly the man holding Ash's arms let go.

R. Jak: He had an itch.

Ash stabbed out with the
> sword, scalping the man before him. Ash turned around to see Misty
> standing over the dead man. She had put Charmeleon down and used a big
> stick to club the guy to death.

Mr Knht: Gess she lots tie mallet.
MM: Act useless and carry a big stick.

> "You're not the only one who can fight." she said with a smile.
> Ash smiled back and received a shot to the head for his trouble.

MM, Ranma X: YAAAAAYYY! ASH IS DEAD!!

Another
> rocket member had shown up and had used a blackjack on Ash.

MM, Ranma X: Oh.

He lifted it
> to use on Misty, but screamed and grasped his crotch instead.

NeoVid: Get your priorities straight, bonehead!

> Misty looked down and saw that Charmeleon had crawled up and was
> using the man's nuts for a chew toy.

MM: What, is Charmeleon a squirrel now, or something?
R. Jak: Not those kinds of nuts.

Misty swung her club and knocked the
> guy out. She hit him again, and a third time, until she heard his skull
> crack.

M.S.: That's when she realized she made a big oopsie.

>She waited a minute...... five minutes....... ten. When it appeared
> no one else was coming she checked on Ash.

M.S.: After all the injuries, he wasn't coming either.

>He was out like a light, and
> had a massive head injury.

Kate: Well, if you define a split skull as massive, I guess.

> She dragged him to a small area under a rocky
> over hang. She ran back to the road and carried the fire pokémon.
> ' Now what do I do? ' she wondered.
>

ALL: RUN FOR IT!

>
>
>
> "We've gotta find em soon." Squirtle said
> "I found their scent!" Bulbasaur exclaimed. Pikachu ran up and
> sniffed the spot.

M.S. <Pikachu>: Mmmmmm...bacon...

> "You're right. It's Ash and Misty." Pikachu sniffed again. "And
> some stranger following them.
> "The scent is pretty fresh,

Mr Knht [Pikachu]: Now you lett me go and threw up... blech.

>we must be close."
> "Zubat, fly higher and see if you can find anything." the bat
> nodded and soared up above the trees.

Ranma X : And promptly bonked his head against a tree and fell down.

> It began to slowly rotate

NeoVid [Fleagle]: Sit on yer thumb and rotate!
Mr Knht: I thinked noone got that refernence.

>in a
> circle, listeneing for any sign of his friends.
>
>
>
>
> "What do we have here?" a man said.

R. Jak <man>: Is this one smart? Is this one a quick learner?

> Misty looked up. It was
> Jessie, James and the new guy. Misty had been using a wet cloth to clean
> Ash and Charmeleon off. She hadn't heard them come.
> "Prepare for trouble," Jessie said
> "And make it double," James added. The third man shot them a
> vicious look. For once team rocket shut up.

Ranma X: Meanwhile, in Hades...
NeoVid <Satan, looking around>: Dude, where'd the snow come from?

> "Now look at you. Such a small lady taking on such a big
> responsibility. Why don't you come with us and let us care for the
boy and
> the pokemon?"

MM [Toran]: You know, "Take care of..."

>he smiled and took a step toward her. Misty lifted a rock.

R. Jak [singing]: Kos ev'rybody wants a rock to wind the piece of
string around!

> "One more step, and I'll blind you like your Rydon." Mist
> threatened. The mans smile faded. He walked straight at her. Misty threw
> the rock, but the man caught it.

Kate: And then it degenerated into a primitive game of catch.

> He kept coming.
> Charmeleon was up pretty fast.

NeoVid [Charmeleon]: Aw man, and when I have fighting to do...

>He positioned himself between Misty and
> the man.
> "What the fuck is this?" he said.

M.S. [Jessie]: Charmeleon, sir.
R. Jak [man]: I KNOW that! Jesus!

> He started to step past
> Charmeleon.
> "I wouldn't....." James began. Charmeleon tore into the mans leg,
> ripping a number of tendons.

Mr Knht [Charmeleon]: I'd said "Brains!" now, but that too far reached.

>The guy stumbled back, out of the pokemon's
> range.
> ".....do that." Jessie finished. The man gripped his leg.
> "You worthless peice of shit!" he said to the

All: -Guy writing this.

>fire pokemon.
> "Charmeleon, char char!" It shouted back. Charmeleon then
> proceded to flip the man off.

MM: Ptuh!

> That was the last straw.

M.S.: So someone had to go out and buy more. *sigh*
[M.S suddenly yelps and reaches into her plugsuit to pull out a bondage
fairy. She breifly twitches before screaming and bolting under R Jak's
chair after throwing the fairy in a seat behind the other roasters.]
NeoVid: Do you have anything else interesting in there you wanna show us?
M.S: Yeah, it will cause a few nosebleeds though if I show you guys.

> Zubat flew back down. He had all he needed.

Ranma X.: Yeesh, I didn't think Ash needed all that guano.

> "Well?" Pikachu asked.

MM [Zubat]: Naw, I think it's an aqueduct.
[Rimshot]

> "I heard Misty, Jessie, James, and a stranger all arguing." Zubat
> answered.

M.S.: About cup size probably...
Ranma X.: When did James have...wait...bad OVA flashbacks.
Mr. Knht: Tchnicaly, arent there no Pokemon OAV?
MM: And does that mean Toran has breasts too?
[Zetazsol pops out]
Zetazsol: SHEMALE!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
[He disappears]
R.Jak: ...okay...
Kate: What, Gren's in this, too?

> "What about Ash?"

M.S.: Well, I think his cup size is...
NeoVid: Hush, little one.

> Bulbasaur pressed. The bat shook it's head.
> "Let's go! If Misty is over their, then so is Ash!" Squirtle
> anounced.

MM [Squirtle]: Or I could be completely wrong and leading us into mortal
peril! [Normal] Either way, I'm happy.

>The rest of the group nodded and they
>dashed to wear Zubat

NeoVid: Fur is murder! Fur is murder!
Mr. Knht: And so is leather.
MM: And so's milk. What's your point?
Kate: I'm just trying to figure out what they'd use him for. A hat, maybe?

> directed them.

Kate: And they ended running into a tree.
NeoVid: Remember kids, slapstick knows no bounds!
R.Jak: Ha! That's funny cause it's a bat and...nevermind.

>
> "Attack, Rydon!"

MM [Rhydon]: Not until you spell my name correctly!

> Toran said as he threw his pokeball. Their was a
> flash of red light and the rock giant was their.

Kate: Their what?
Ranma X: Their grisly death?
MM: Their Own Private Idaho?
Mr. Knht: Eposides of Scooby-Doo?
(R. Jak just STARES as Mr. Knht)

> Charmeleon backed up a
> few steps. It seemed to lose it's balance and shook it's head

NeoVid: Jeez, what's *you're* problem?
M.S. [Charmeleon]: Headaches.
Kate: [twitching] ...grammar.

>to regain it.

MM: Doesn't shaking your head generally make you MORE dizzy?
Mr. Knht: Lemme check.
[Mr. Knht stands up and shakes his head back and forth, extremely
quickly. He then sits down]
Mr. Knht: Npe. Doest do a thing. I fe-
[He turns green and runs over to the corner. Several wet sounds can
be heard]
Kate: We'll take that as a yes.
(M.S. giggles)

> To cover for it's vulnerability, it shouted a few pokemon obsenities
> at Rydon.

R. Jak [Charmelion]: Ha HA! You fetid mother's son of a thespian pig-goat!
MM [Rhydon]: ...what?

> Toran smiled 'This Charmeleon is taxed beyond it's limits. It
> dosn't have a prayer.'

[A sound of flush is hear and Mr. Knht floats back in.]
Kate: Sounds like it needs a CPA, not a prayer.
Mr. Knht: I wonder if all Pokemon go to heaven?
Ranma X: If they do, I'm sure it's because there's a pokemon shooting
gallery there.
MM: There is no heaven. Though there might be Pokemon down in The Abyss
or Carceri somewhere.
Mr. Knht: In your universal preharps and your
gift...M.S!!! GO,JOLTOEN! THUNDER SHOCK!!!!!
[It doesn't work.]
M.S: I'm in a plug suit.
Mr. Knht: Rattattas!

>
>
>
> Misty knew it was over. The Rydon was in perfect
>fighting form.
> Charmeleon, however, was sweating from the exertion

MM: Hentai scenes get cut out at this theater, right?
All: Yes.

> of standing. She had
> to save at least one of them.

NeoVid: So she ran like hell, realizing her life was worth much more
than the goddamn little fire-breathing dolt.
Ranma X: So nice of you to join the club.
[R. Jak hands Neo a little flag with "Die Charmeleon, Die" written on it]
NeoVid: ... L337.
MM: Poor little Gryomon...*sniff*

> "Charmeleon run! Get clear

NeoVid [exact Misty]: If you're invisible, they can't get you!
MM [Cecil, chanting]: If I can't see them, the homosexual tentacle beasts
can't molest me. I f I can't see them-
[Everyone besides NeoVid and M.S. have turned slightly green, with the
exception of the newly-returned Mr. Knht, who turns plaid]
NeoVid: ...Please don't make any more comments about tentacle yaoi.
[MM simply sticks her tongue out at him]
Kate [muttering]: I don't know these people...

>before they kill you!" she yelled. The
> small red creature looked at her, then at the unconsious Ash, and shook
> it's head.

[NeoVid makes a rattling sound]
Kate: Wai! Kodama!

> Charmelon immediatly returned

Mr Knht: -his contract for being apeared in this story.

>it's attention to the Rydon. The
> fire pokemon opened it's jaws and a stream of fire surrounded the Rydon.

MM: So... Did he shoot fire out of his mouth, or did the fire just sort
of appear? Hey... I think I've got enough energy to change back
to my normal form now.
[MM changes back to normal and floats back to her chair]
NeoVid: You seem disappointed, Ri...
[NeoVid barely dodges a hail of gunfire from R. Jak.]

> It was the Fire Spin attack, or at least what was left of it. The Rydon
> laughed inside the thin walls of flame, then stepped out.
> "Rydon, slam now!"

Kate: So... the Rhydon's gonna start dancing to Devo and Metallica?
Ranma X: Er...no.
Kate: Well, that's no fun.

> the man commanded. Rydon reared back it's leg
> and kicked Charmeleon as if it were a football.

NeoVid: The kick is up!
[M.S. takes an air horn from her plugsuit and honks it.]
NeoVid: It's GOOD! IT'S GOOD!
[rowdy cheering ensues]

> With a sickening thud,
> Charmeleon slammed into the rock face. Where the back of it's head had
> hit, their was a horrible splash of blood. Misty looked at the small
> figure, and saw that the back of it's head was flat instead of pointed.

R. Jak: That counts as a "faint," right?
[M.S shrugs]

> "Charmeleon." she whispered.
> "Rydon, restrain the girl now."

Mr. Knht: Oh no. Not agan...

> The rock pokemon started the
> task, but was stopped as two vines wrapped around it. Then it was soaked
> by water and slammed with a lightning bolt.

R. Jak: Then it was hit by a folding chair, an onion, and then smacked
in the groin by a bokken.
MM: NO-SELL! NO-SELL!
NeoVid: Great. Backyard Poke-Wrestling.
M.S [The Rock]: I'm gonna kick your candyass!

> Toran turned and saw that a
> Pikachu, a Squirtle and a Bulbasaur were working together to demolish
his
> Rydon. "Rydon, use you fissure attack!" he shouted.

NeoVid [Rhydon]: I refuse to follow orders that aren't in proper English!
Kate [Toran, "Wheel of Fish" Announcer]: What's in the box? NOTHING! You
so stupid!

> The pokemon raised it's fist over it's head and was about to
> bring it down when it was hit by another lightning bolt and a barage of
> leaves. The Rydon finally fainted as a powerful blast of water connected
> with it's head.

M.S.: Those power washers ARE dangerous!

> Toran couldn't beleive it. He had been beaten by a gang of
> wild pokemon.

Mr. Knht: [laughing] Confusing Ash's other Pokemon for
wild Pokemon is like Team Rocket confusing a Marikarp for Pikachu. Totally
Impossible!!!!
Ranma X.: Those pokemon be wild and bad to the bone.
Mr. Knht: [somber] It true, tho.

> He called Rydon back into it's ball and looked at Jessie and James.
> "Can you two explain this?" he asked. James nodded.
> "The Pikachu, the Squirtle and the Bulbasaur belong to that boy."

R.Jak [James]: That boy ten miles away. Quick! Go after him!

> James said.
> "And that Zubat belongs to another kid named Brock."Jessie added.
> "What Zubat?" Toran asked.

All: Two to three pounds.

> Just then his ears exploded with pain.

Kate: Zubat's doing his impression of Mariah Carey!

> He looked up and saw the Zubat. It was using supersonic on them! If they
> didn't get claear

MM: I think Knht will have to translate that word.
Mr. Knht: It mean wife of fish.

>they would all end up deaf. Toran lead the was as team
> rocket run for the hills.

[MM stares in disbelief at the crime against grammar that now stands in
front of her]
Kate: Wow. A typo *and* an incorrect tense. That's Very Not Good.
[Mr Knht slpits himself into 3 selves]
Mr. Knhts: [all in unison] Looks like Team Rocket is rocking off....!!!
[The riffers stare at the Mr. Knhts]
Ranma X. [Toran, ala John cleese in Holy Grail]: RUN AWAY!! RUN AWAY!!
[Mr Knht pulls himself back into one imp.]

> Misty watched as team rocket ran screaming from the area. She
> looked over at her saviors. Pikachu had assumed his victory stance,
> Squirtle was imitating it, and Bulbasaur was jumping from one foot to
> another.

NeoVid: Cuuuuuue cheesy Final Fantasy victory music!
All: [weak] Yaaaaaay...

> Then they all stopped celebrating the victory and dashed to Mist
> and Ash. Pikachu crawled onto Ash's chest and put his ear over Ash's
> heart.

Ranma X [Pikachu]: Darn... still too much to chew through...

>He looked back at the others and said something, the other pokemon
> cheered.

MM [Pikachu]: The Ash is dead! Long live the Ash!
ALL [Pokemon]: Yay.

> In the distance Misty heard sirens, 'The police! If we can signal
> them they can help Ash!' she thought.
> "Pikachu, I hear sirens, do you?"

NeoVid [Pikachu]: Sometimes.

>The rodent listened then
> nodded. "We need to signal those men. They can take Ash

M.S.: The same way they took Misty?
Ranma X: God, I hope not.

>to a hospital.
> Please use Thunder to get their attention."

Mr Knht [thunder]: HEYY!! Over here!

>Pikachu ran away from the
> group, finding a clear area a few yards away. Pikachu closed it's
eyes in
> consentration, then opened them and released a

NeoVid: ... collosal turd.
R. Jak: OH FOR...
[MM sniggers]

> massive surge of electrical
> energy into the air. Misty had neve seen Pikachu unleash so much power.

M.S.: Because Pikachu keeps the door to his bedroom locked.

>A
> few seconds later, the light faded and Pikachu needed to rest. The
sirens
> started coming closer.

MM: It would be funny if it turned out just to be the ice cream truck.
[pause]
MM: Well it WOULD! Plus I could get some ice cream.
R. Jak [Mega Man]: YAY! ICE CREAM!


>
> "Report!" the Giovanni bellowed.

Kate: Not just any Giovanni, but *the* Giovanni.
MM: ... My god.
NeoVid: What?
MM: I just realized... Giovanni must be Tom Dyron, the sixth children's
father!
[All but Kate gasp]
Kate: What?

> "The cops are everywhere! Our men are running to avoid being
> arrested." A rocket member answered.
> "And the devise?"
> "It's being

Ranma X [rocket member]: -Confused with the device. Could you speak
clearer English, sir?

>air lifted to security point beta now, sir."
> "Good. Get me Toran." The man nodded his understanding an started
> hitting buttons on his control pad,

Kate [Man]: Stupid, no good, lousy control pad!

> trying to reach the feild agent. The
> screan soon lit up with an image of Toran.

MM [Giovanni]: Dammit, I'm still stuck on this part of Suikoden. How
the hell do you beat Teo?

> "Report Toran. Is the tainer dealt with." The boss said.
> "I'm sorry sir. His other pokemon arrived and overwhelemed us. I
> did manage to kill the boy's Charmeleon.... after it almost tore my leg
> off."

M.S. [Giovanni]: Don't be stupid! Pokemon don't attack people!
R. Jak [Toran]: Someone forgot to tell that one, sir.

> "Idiot!....Tend to your wounds and start tailing the boy. I have
> plans for that pathetic nucianse."

Ranma X.: Nucianse? Is that Italian for "stupid whiny feeb?"
Kate: Nah... Might be French, though...
R. Jak: No, that's ALL the French.

> "At once sir." The screen clicked off. Giovanni
turned to the men
> in the room.
> "Let's get out of here. The project is canceked."

M.S. [Rocket member]: Great plan for getting rid of the kid, Gio...
NeoVid [Giovanni]: SHUT UP!

> The men
> activated the full evacuation alarms

R Jak [Giovanni]: Everyone, evacuate immediately!
NeoVid [rocket member]: I think I just did.

>before they themselves ran from the
> building.

M.S., MM [Men]: BLARG!!!!

>The Giovanni walked to the wall,

Mr Khnt [Giovanni]: OW! Who did put those wall here!?

>hit a secret panel, and walked
> through the hidden door that opened. His thought's lingered on the Boy

M.S: Ew.
MM: Gio's got some psychosexual problems, don't he?

> and
> his interferring pokemon.

All: EWWWW!
Ranma X: That's a problem, alright.

>
>
> Ash opened his eyes slowly. It was very, very, bright. It took a
> while for his eyes to adjust, but he eventually saw that he was in a
> hospital room.

R. Jak: So it was no surprise when he saw he wasn't wearing pants.

> He looked around and saw Misty and Brock sitting in the
> corner.

All: Too easy.

> "Hey guys. Whats happening?" he said. Misty and Brocks heads
> snapped up, then they ran to Ash's bed side.
> "I thought you would never wake up!" Brock joked.
> "I'm to stubborn to stay asleep forever. How long was I out?"

Kate [Brock]: 10 years.

> "Ten days."
> "Damn."

Ranma X [Brock]: That's what we said too.

> "Brock, could you go tell Pikachu that Ash is okay?" Misty said.
> Her eyes never left Ash's eyes.

Mr Knht: So her were being inside Ash's eye...

>Brock smiled and left the room. Misty
> leaned over the bed rail and kissed Ash. "You idiot! How can we
spend time
> together if your unconsious?" she said.

M.S. [Ash]: I don't see how that could have stopped you.
R. Jak [Ash]: It's not like I stop existing when I'm not conscious.
Kate [Misty]: Uh, Ash, there's something we need to tell you...

> "Sorry. I'm sure when you get the shit kicked out of you and go
> into a coma, you'll be the perfect hostees." Ash said sarcastically.
> "Of course! I'll shake everyone's hand and drool on command."

R. Jak: That is a very uncomfortable mental image.
MM: Zetazsol would've had a field day with this fic.
R. Jak: He drools on command too?
MM: ...

> they both laughed at the joke. Ash stopped laughing and got a grim
look on
> his face.
> "How's my Charmeleon?"

Ranma X. [Misty]: Oh he's...juicy.
Kate [Ash]:Juicy?
Ranma X. [Misty]:Did I say juicy? I mean he's well marbled with a nice
texture... I mean he's good!

> "I don't know, they won't talk about his condition unless the
> owner is their." Ash braced for pain and sat up. It didn't hurt. He was
> surprised that he had regained so much strength.

Mr. Khnt: Wan't much to recover in fisrt place.

>Misty turned her back
> while Ash got

M.S.: -Stoned.
R Jak: To death. With really pointy rocks.

>dressed. 'Somethings missing' he thought.

All but MM: WAY too easy.
MM: My wang fell off!
[All stare]
MM: What? I couldn't resist.
NeoVid: You...you have a...
R. Jak: No, Vid. NO she DOESN'T!

> He looked around
> but couldn't find it.
> "Misty, where's my sword? And my hat?"

MM: So that's what kids call it these days... Wait, his 'hat'? Does that
go on your 'head'?
[Kate groans and slumps down in her chair.]

> "I had to hold onto the sword, their are no weapons allowed in
> the hospital.

R. Jak: God knows why. Damn socialized medicine.

> I couldn't find your hat." Ash nodded
> "Is Pidgeotto okay?" Misty nodded. Ash smiled and walked to the
> door. No sooner had he opened it and stepped out that a pudgey ball of
> yellow fur leapt onto his face.

Ranma X: It's a Plush Face Hugger! RUN, ASH!

> Pikachu was so happy to see Ash, he
> refused to let go.
> "Pika pi, pika pi!" (Your alive, your alive!)

Kate [Ash]: My alive? What happened to Misty's alive? And the Hospital's
alive?

> "Of course I'm alive! But I won't stay that way if you keep
> shoving your foot in my mouth!"

Kate: Pikachu is a Pokemon version of Jackie Chan! Although I can't
quite remember that ever happening in one of his movies.
Mr. Knht: No, that's Hitomochan.
NeoVid: I'm pretty sure Jackie Chan IS a Pokemon.
[MM pimp-slaps NeoVid with several arms]
MM: Don't you DARE compare Jackie with this crap.

> "Kachu pi pika chu pi!" (I have a present gor you!) Pikachu

MM: ... Shoved something in Ash's mouth.
[Mr. Knht bursts into flame again. He runs through the wall of the
theater and into the lobby, screaming all the way]
R. Jak: ... Wow.
Kate: Uhh, guys? Shouldn't we try to escape now?
NeoVid: And break tradition? Never!
[Kate slumps in her seat again and mutters something about "lack of
common sense."]

> jumped off Ash's head, crawled under a bench and produced Ash's cap. Ash
> smiled and

NeoVid: -Said "You little ^%#@ER! You got dust on it!"

>accepted the gift. He dusted it off and put it on.
> "Thanks, Pikachu. I was worried that Pidgeotto might have eaten
> it!"

R. Jak [Pikachu]: He did. Had to cut him open with a X-acto knife to
get it.

> "So that's where I put it..."

Ranma X: I'll tell him where he can put it.

>Brock said. Ash nailed Brock in the
> head

All: EW.

>for his stupidity.
> From the hospital the group headed to the pokemon center. Ash wished he
> could run their but he knew he might hurt himself if he did. It
took about
> twenty minutes to walk their, a small eternity for

NeoVid: -all the people watching the show.

>Ash. They walked in and
> were greeted by nurse Joy.
> "Welcome to the New Haven pokemon center, how can I help you?"
> She asked.

MM [Ash]: Yes, you can start by telling me why the hell you're in every
Pokemon center I've ever been to!
M.S. [Joy]: Cloning and well timed incest.
MM [Ash]: Oh. Okay, then.

> "My Charmeleon was brought in about ten days ago, how is it?"
> "You must be Ash. I'm sorry but I have bad news for you." Ash's
> heart almost stopped.
> "He..... he's dead?"
> "No, not at all!"
> "Then what?"

R. Jak [Joy]: For some strange reason, he thinks he's James Taylor.
Ranma X [Ash]: Oh. Well, it's not THAT bad.
Kate: Is anyone else disturbed by the mental image of a Charmeleon trying
to sing "Shower the People?"

> "The head injury your Charmeleon sustained ruined it's Evoluna gland."
> "What the hell is that?"

[The on-fire Mr. Knht runs in and crushes into MM, forcing her to give
out smoke for a bit. Mr. Knht crashlands in his seat.]
Kate: I'd give that a 9.0. How about you guys?

> "It's the gland that controls pokemon evolution. Without it, your
> Charmeleon will never become a

NeoVid [exact Ash]: He'll never be a real boy? NOOO!

>Charizard. You must be very dissapointed."
> "I don't care if he turned into an Arbok as long as he's alive!

MM: They can DO that?

> What does it matter that he can't evolve?" Nurse Joy seemed to be
> surprised, then she smiled.
> "I usually only hear thing like that from older trainers, I can
> see you are more experienced than you look."

[MM giggles like a school girl. NeoVid smacks her.]
MM: ... Thanks.

> "Can I please see my pokemon?"

Kate [Junkie]: I need my Pokemon, man...need my fix, ya know?

> "Of course." the nurse hit a button and a buzzer rang. A moment
> later a door swung open and Charmeleon walked out. His head was
> still bandaged but he looked great otherwise.

NeoVid: His lawyers and several members of PETA followed behind holding
subpoenas for Ash.

> "How are you feeling Charmeleon?" Misty asked.
> "Char. Charmelon char char." (Fine. I'm hungry as hell though.)
> "He says he's okay, but hungry." Ash translated.

R. Jak [Charmeleon]: I love you Ash. I want some oatmeal.

> Brock got a
> confused look on his face.
> "Ash, since when can you understand Charmeleon?

MM: When even the characters don't know...

>And where did you
> get a sword?" Brock Asked.

Ranma X [Brock]: And what the HELL did you do to Umberto Malzone?

> "I've been studing fighting techniques, Charmeleon's language and
> pokemon culture all month.

NeoVid [exact Brock]: You learned something in just a month? That's
impossible.

>That's why we've been going to strange towns. I
> knew their had to be a way to get Charmeleon to obey me and I found it.

R. Jak: Yeah. It's called a cattle prod.
[general blink]
Kate: I don't think I want to...
Mr. Knht: Can I zap him ocne?
Kate: No, you can't.

> I
> challenged him to a fight in his own language.

M.S. [Ash]: Well, I think I accidentally asked him to marry me too.
Ranma X [Charmeleon]: It's not his fault. I'm not the marrying type.

> If I had one, he had to
> listen to me. If he won, I had to set him free. The sword was to
even the
> odds a little. I won the sword by defeating a tic-tac-toe master in the
> shop down town."

NeoVid: Must have been a bad-ass.

> Ash looked down at the fire pokemon. "You won the fight
> Charmeleon, I set you free." Ash set Charmeleon's pokeball in front
of the
> pokemon. Charmeleon looked up at him.
> "Char mel meleon, charmeleon mel char?" (We never finished, how
> did I win?)

M.S.: He wants a recount. How sweet.

> "You saved my life and Misty's life too many times to be weaker
> than me." Charmeleon thought about that, then smashed the pokeball flat
> with his heel. Ash smiled a sad smile at him.

NeoVid: ...as Charmeleon hopped around holding his bloody foot trying
to get the plastic out.

> "Have a good life, Charmeleon." He said. The three humans and the
> Pikachu turned

Mr Knht: -into a eggplant.
NeoVid [Milo Bloom]: Gentlemen... we have vegetable matter.

>to leave.
> "Char char charmeleon?" (Where the hell do you think your
> going?") Ash turned back.
> "To get something to eat."
> "Charmelon char mel melon?" (Why aren't I coming?)

R. Jak [Ash]: Mexican gives you gas. Don't you remember?

> Ash was a
> little

Ranma X: -snotnosed punk.

>confused. Charmeleon walked up to Ash and whispered something. Ash
> and Pikachu smiled.
> "What did he say?" Misty asked.

M.S [Ash]: He says your bust size grew a bit in the past few days.

> "He said that he may not belong to me any more, but that he had
> better stay close to me. He says you, me, and Pikachu can't stay out of
> trouble without him." Misty smiled and laughed at

M.S.: -Ash, like usual.

> the translation then
> bend down to the pokemon.
> "You're welcome to be with us as long as you like."
> she said. She then kissed charmeleon's nose. The fire pokemon's face
turned an
> even darker shade of red.

Ranma X.: And so the setup for the poke-hentai.

>
>
>
> The group had dinner in the same restaurant Pidgeotto had landed
> at. The owner wasn't to happy to see Brock, but couldn't afford to turn
> down paying customers.

R. Jak: And that Pikachu scared the hell out of him.

> On the way to the restaurant, Brock had invited a
> girl named Cassara to join them. The four humans ate and talked together
> while Charmeleon and Pikachu went from table to table greeting
guests and
> stealing all the ketchup they could find.

NeoVid: Aw...the lovable little buggers.
Kate: Ketchup? KETCHUP?

> Everyone laughed when a womans
> Growlithe desided Pikachu would make for a good bone

NeoVid: Even better than his trainer was...

>and tried to bury the
> rodent. Pikachu ran so much electricity into the dog it's fur would
stand
> up for a week.

M.S.: Even in this sentimental moment, always have random wanton
gratuitous fighting between Pokemon.

> When everyone had finished laughing and the two pokemon
> retuned to the table Brock asked for everyones attention.
> "Ash, Misty..... It's been great traveling with you guys but I'm
> afraid our paths seperate here." Brock said. Ash and Misty stared in
> disbeleif.

NeoVid: One less person to hit on Misty. Bonus.

> "You're not coming with us?" Misty asked.
> "I'm staying here."
> "But.... Why?"

MM: Please say he's become a monk. Please say he's become a monk...
M.S: He became a monk.
Mr. Knht: Happy now?
MM: Nope.

> "Cassara's father is one of the top ten breeders in the country.

NeoVid [exact Brock]: I mean, that's obvious just from looking at her.

> She talked him into letting me become his apprentice. I just can't pass
> this opportunity up." Misty sighed. Ash extended his had and Brock
took it.

R. Jak: Then he had to give it back.

> "We'll miss you Brock, but you have to follow your dreams. Good
> luck with your training."
> "Thanks, Ash. I've got to go, Cassara and I need to make room in
> her arpartment for me."
> "In her apartment?"

NeoVid: That's what they're calling it now?

>Ash and Misty said as one. Brock smiled.
> "Your not the only one who got a boyfriend this week, Misty."
> Cassara said. Pikachu made a noise and everyone looked to see what he
> wanted.

Ranma. X: Considering Pikachu looked a bit blue, I'd guess CPR.

> Pikachu had put on a black wig that looked alot like Cassara's
> hair. Charmeleon had squintid his eye and put a jagged peice of wood on
> his head that looked like Brocks hair. Charmeleon was holding Pikachu in
> his arms.

R. Jak: Hey! It's the off-Broadway production of "Cabaret"! I LOVED
that show!

> Pikachu fluttered fake eyelashes then the two started to make
> out..... or at least a resanable facsimile of making out.

[Pause, then...]
All: Awwww...
M.S.: Kawaii ne! ^_^

> Ash and Misty
> laughed. Cassara stared in shock. Brock turned reder than
Charmeleon. The
> pokemon stopped when they could no longer contain their laughter, they
> fell to the ground and rolled around and laughed till their throats
hurt.

MM: Aw...kawaii! Pokemon yaoi action is so cute!
M.S: Ash and Brock yes. Any of the pokemon...no.

> Brock shook his head and said goodbye. Ash and Misty watched as
their old
> friend left them, for now anyway.
> "At least he got a girl." Ash said.
> "A pretty one too." Misty added.
> "Pika pi chu pik." (She smelled really good.)
> "Char mel meleon." (Nice tits.) Ash and Pikachu both nailed
> Charmeleon for making such a disgusting (all be it true) statment.

NeoVid: Wait a second... If that's true, then why aren't I getting lucky
all the time?
Ranma X: I don't see what you - OHMYGOD!!!!
R. Jak: I don't know what's worse. The fact that you took it that way,
or the fact that by your logic, Ash and Pikachu just had a
menege au trois with Charmeleon.
NeoVid: Bwahaahaa.
Mr. Knht: Spoony bard.

>The
> group headed out after that, walking on a dirt road that wasn't on the
> major maps. Misty looked at the map, then the cumpas,

MM: Knht, could you translate again?

>then to Ash.
> "Ash, Cinnabar Island is the other way." She said.
> "I know."
> "Then why are we going this way?"

M.S. [Ash]: I have to pee.

> "The Cinnabar gym is all fire pokemon right?"
> "Yeah?"
> "Well I want to be on better terms with my fire pokemon when I get
there."

Kate: But why would he want to use fire pokemon to fight fire pokemon
to begin with?
(Everyone looks at her.)
Kate: I know, I know. Stop with the being logical.

> "So what's on this road?"
> "A town called 'The Arena'.

MM: Okay. Hold the f*cking phone. WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU,
FELIXMAN!?!? CAN'T YOU THINK OF AN ORIGINAL NAME
FOR ONCE?? I MEAN, NOT EVEN CASSARA IS AN ORIGINAL NAME!!! AND YOU EXPECT
PEOPLE TO LIKE THIS FETID PILE OF PUTRID,
POINTLESS, PEDANTIC...?!
[Mr. Knht uses his Game Boy and sucks MM in again.]
Mr. Knht: Better keep her in til she caml down.

>I heard it's a great place to power up your pokemon."
> "Can't you just use Charmeleon on the way to the island?" Ash grew a
sly grin.

NeoVid [exact Ash]: Nah, I've used Charmeleon too much. Gotta give him
some time to heal.
Ranma X: ...Either that was incredibly warped, or completely normal.
NeoVid: You make the call.

> "This town also has some great night clubs." Misty perked up and
> smiled. She grabbed Ash's hand and started jogging. Pikachu and
> Charmeleon dashed after them.
> "Night clubs! What are we waiting for!" She said.

M.S[Misty]: We'll drink ourselves silly and pass out after doing things
we'll regret in the morning!

> End

Ranma X.: The following scenes contain graphic sexual content.
M.S: n_n

>

Zeek: (recoved tape play over the Intercom) The fanfiction is over. Do 
not place food on the floor of the theather....the door will open
as soon recording...
[The door opens. The riffers runs throught the door.]
Zeek: Why do I even bother...?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Zeek! You are asking for it...? Zeek?"

The group ran out into the opening, and the place was empty. The lights
were off, and the only light was coming from the entrance.

"Hey, does anyone know what's happening here?"

"Well, seems that I'm in trouble." The riffer's turned around to see
Zeek, hung up by his feet, over the entrance to the theatre, his sword
hung just outta his reach, trying vainly to swing over to grab it.

"...In trouble how?" NeoVid asked. Everyone else groaned.

"You see, someone hacked the security and did this...d'no who, don't
care... All I know is considering I'm still here, I might as well just
up and be knocked out or something." He shrugged as he continued trying
to grab his sword.

"Geez Zeek, you must suck."

"Yea, yea, shut up."

"That 'or something' sounds like a good idea. Anyone have a belt sander?"

"Hey!" R.Jak grinned. "I got an idea!" 

Zeek gulped, and tried reaching his sword again...he had a feeling that
this wouldn't be pretty...

---- 5 bloody minutes later ----

Zeek was unconsious, swaying back and forth slowly in the air. Various
objects were used to hit him, which was inclusive of silly string,
coke cans, paint filled balloons, and the like.

Midnight Star, being the catgirl she was, batted at Zeek's feet with a
hand while meows and deep purrs escaped her throat.

"So... usually the Mad makes us comment on the fic before we leave... was
there anything worth talking about in that one?"

NeoVid thought, straining something. "Well, it didn't have Felixman
himself in it, so I missed out on a lot of riffs I was hoping for." He
snickered. "But I will never forget that 'Did you eat bitch' line. Heh
heh heh..."

-----Several hours later-----

The Mad Doctor W4 came in, and saw Zeek hanging over the entrance,
reading a book, looking bored.

"Hey, what are you doing up there."

"Dr Woofer...I got one reason why I'm up here. The manual didn't say
anything about when people try hacking the area screens, it sends out
robotic attack ducks!"

"Oh yea, I did forget that didn't I."

"You suck..."