*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

Indie Madnesse proudly presents:

IMPROFICROAST: Improvisational MiSTing
               or
               How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Come Up With Riffs In
               Two Days
               http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net/ifroast.htm

Episode 001:   Pokemon OVA #5
               SWAP4P

Participants:
-Jonatan Streith (J_Streith@mailandnews.com)
 Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest Editor
-Mark Poa (markpoa@edsamail.com.ph)
 Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest Mark
-NeoVid (neovid@hotmail.com)
 Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest GMCA Rep
-Ranma X (drstupid@geocities.com)
 Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest Villain
-Ripper Jak (WYVERN5555@aol.com)
 Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest Seasoned Vet
-Signus Megido (marmala@hotmail.com)
 Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest Dragon
-S. D. Ryukage (dragon48@ptd.net)
 Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest Yaoi Fan
-Zeek Silverfire (twarner@erinet.com)
 Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest Elf

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

OBLIGITARY LEGAL BLAH

        MST3K & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best 
Brains Inc.
        Pokemon and its characters are copyright... ?help?
        Revolutionary Girl Utena and its characters are copyright by
Software Sculptors.
        Author avatars belong to their respective authors.

MISTING CLASSIFICATION

[MST]:    Meta-Misting - Misting Of A Misting, Or A Unusual Misting
          The misting was completely improvised; see the ImproFicRoast
          home page for more details. 

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

Somewhere else was a lair. Greatly hidden in the depths of urbania, it was
the dwelling of one of the last great geniuses of our times, an unhinged
mind of one who could be the grandest savior or most terrifying destroyer
the world had ever beheld.

Or so his business cards said. It's easy to brag when one can write one's
own material.

"Three of Bamboo."

"Mah-Jong."

"Damn you!"

Jonatan Streith (Diplomacied mad scientist, talented writer, mint-scented
anarchist, agnostic, grand lover, high inquisitor, wikkid adventurer, lord
of the dance, spoony bard, master Mah-Jong player, disgruntled postal
worker and outrageous liar, call 070-4629663737 and ask for 'fnord')
casually tipped over his set of ivory pieces and smiled broadly. "It would
seem that I win again, dear Ushiko."

The buxom assistant in question pouted and tipped over her own pieces. "You
had the white dragons all this time? That's not fair."

"When have I ever been fair?" Jonatan mused. "You just need to improve your
game play a bit, love."

"That won't happen if we stick to just this game." She shook her deep-pink
bangs. "Can't we play another game?"

"Hmm..." Jonatan rubbed his chin thoughtfully and absentmindedly tossed a
dart at one of the Osmond members superglued to the wall. It struck a
bullseye, prompting a scream from the subdued musician. But no one cared.
Gee, aren't we cruel?

Jonatan grinned malevolently, unlike normally, when he'd just grin
benevolently (and somewhat patronisingly, but that came naturally) "Let's
do so. This game is called..." He grinned. "'Getting a group of people
trapped in Torture Theater and force them to watch bad fanfiction'."

"That place that I constantly have to spring you from?" Ushiko looked
dubious. "I dunno..."

Jonatan leapt to his feet. "Oh, do relax. It'll be fun, I promise. I'll get
the 'fic, you get me..." He searched his mind for suitable candidates.
"...Zeek, Mark, Skribulous and NeoVid, Ranma X, and that girl... S.D.
Ryukage, too. They should make for one most eclectic crowd."

"All of those? I might need to call in some assistance."

Jonatan just shrugged, unconcerned with the means to which the girl would
obtain the 'guests'. "Do as you find appropriate, Ushi-chan. That's the
style I like. Remember, Torture Theater at three!" He gave her a peck on
the cheek and left.

"As I find appropriate, eh?" She nervously flicked her tail and picked up
the phone. "I might call in some favors from the Neobunnies..."

                                *  *  *

Zeek wandered through some woods, south of Graal, near a place linking the
worlds. 

"Quiet day, glad to be close to home again, away from that place," he
noted. He exited the portal to see a bunny jumping out of the bushes. "Eh?
I didn't know rabbits existed here..."

"They do now."

"Huh?" Zeek looked up to see a three-foot tall bunny in front of the
portal. The white-furred creature was brandishing a wicked-looking scimitar
and a round wooden shield. Behind him were its similarly-armed and
similarly-furry companions.

"Oh, geez. This has to be a joke," Zeek said, taking a step back.

"I'm Bugs. BARBARIAN BUNNIES CHARGE!!!" the lead rabbit yelled, hopping
towards Zeek.

Zeek pulled out his blade and began cutting as the rabbits began coming out
of the woodwork, towards him. Sword struck against sword, bounced off
shields, and cut through furred flesh. Several of the Barbarian Bunnies
fell before Zeek's superior skill. But the bunnies still had advantage in
numbers, and it wasn't long before they knocked Zeek down and swarmed
him...

"Nothing is more humiliating than being beaten by bunches of bunnies..."
Zeek muttered before he passed out.

                                *  *  *

Somewhere else was a lair. Greatly hidden in the depths of urbania, it was
the dwelling of one of the last great geniuses of our times, an unhinged
mind of one who could be the grandest savior or most terrifying destroyer
the world had ever beheld.

(...Wait, this is just a cut and paste job. The IFR Studios people weren't
kidding when they said they are currently on a shoestring budget.) 

On the OTHER side of the world, at a place far, far away...

(There, that's better.) 

Said young man was sitting in front of his computer performing a random
sampling of data contained in the information superhighway as a form of
time and stress management (read as: idly surfing the net to pass the break
time). He was currently reworking one of his projects hanging around along
with several others when he heard a sound at the entrance. Not quite a
knock, it was what seemed to be light scrabbling, which intrigued him. 

"If that's my family outside, I'm not hungry," he yelled back in response.
"If not, you can leave the tribute at the entrance, I'll get to it later.
Oh, and if NeoVid or Sei sent you, tell him I won't take your bait, even
if you *are* a young, nubile, blue-haired vi--"

"Skribulous!" a voice, which definitely was not anyone the young man knew
before, replied. "He who is also known as: D' Phat Dragon Scribe; the
Dragon Druid; the Champion of the Green; the Burnt-Out Savant; the
Disgruntled Cleric, the--" 

"Geez, is he going to rattle of every single title I ever held?" Skrib
groused. 

                                *  *  *

"You know, if I hadn't been interrupted in the middle of Sakura Wars, I'd
be having a lot of fun with this."

NeoVid was busy facing down a three-foot, 85-pound bunny. In an army
colonel's uniform. With a monocle. And an accent exactly like Colonel
Klink.

"Zo, Herr NeoVid, vill you come qvietly, or do ve have to use force?" the
bunny asked. It was sort of intimidating, in a cute, fluffy way.

NeoVid raised an eyebrow at the sneering rabbit. "Man. Other species are
mutating into Plot Nazis now..."

The rabbit stomped the ground in frustration. Rabbits are good at that.
"Ze 'Plot Nazis' are mere zshadows ov our glory! You vill not-"

"Are you here for a reason?" NeoVid interrupted. "Or are you just a
harebrained dunce?"

The bunny winced. "ARGH! Your humor iz zo painful!"

"Zo, I mean, so, puns are your weakness..."

"No, the fact that you like puns zshows that you are weak and-"

"Gee, I guess you aren't just harebrained, you're Herrbrained!"

"AIIEEE!!"

"Get ready to be rabbit-punched!"

Trying to ignore the sudden internal bleeding, the Reich Bunny drew his
Mauser.

NeoVid scratched his chin, considering. "Shouldn't you be using a
Rabbiter?"

"You... ge... GET HIM!"

NeoVid was jumped by the Bunny Gestapo, who tied him up in a triple
layered steel mesh net, and carried him off.

"Hey, what else can you do like rabbits-"

*POW*

"Ouch."

                                *  *  *

*Click*

"--and latest news state that Estrada is still insa--"

*Click*

"--eorge is not, I repeat not, ga--"

*Click*

"--You're not Sylvia! You're one of the kung fu creatures on a rampa--"

*Click*

The television screen died as Mark laid down the remote control, stretched
his arms, and yawned.

"Darn! It's boring apartment-sitting for Kate. I thought she'd be back by
now," he muttered to himself. Rubbing his eyes, he leaned back on the couch
and stared at the ceiling...

... where a small figure in a matte black ninja costume was hanging.

"What the?!" Mark yelled as the figure dropped down in front of the couch
and, with lightning speed, threw three objects at him. The objects whizzed
straight towards the surprised youth.

Mark blinked and found that he couldn't move his arms. He looked at his
shirt to see his shirt sleeves pinned to the wall by orange darts. A third
dart was lodged in the wall immediately above his head.

The figure slowly stood up straight to inspect his handiwork and Mark
blinked when he saw two white rabbit ears folded back on the figure's head.

"I'm being assaulted by a ninja rabbit?" he muttered incredulously. He
stared at the orange darts. "Carrots?" 

The Ninja Bunny nodded, hopped over to Mark, and plucked the dart embedded
near his head. It brought it under its face mask and munched on the
vegetable. 

The captive author yelled out, "All right, guys! This is a cute joke and
all, but it isn't funny! Take the bunny and go! Sig? R. Jak? Vid? W4? Jon?"

"I must say you are mistaken, my prey," the ninja said as he peeled down
his face mask. "This is not, as you say, a joke. This is most serious,
indeed," the Ninja Bunny intoned.

Mark frowned. "Can I ask a favor?"

"What is your last request, o unworthy adversary?"

"Speak a little slower. I can't read the subtitles fast enough."

The Bunny looked down at the floating white text in front of them and
batted them away. The words flew around in circles before disappearing. 

The Ninja Bunny replaced his face mask and reached behind it. It withdrew a
large mallet.

"I hate getting knocked out," Mark grumbled.

"Noted, lowly one."

*KA-BOONG!*

                                *  *  *

"--the Guy I Once Met While Playing Parcheesi In The Park On A Rainy Day;
the Silly Rabbit; and the Author with Way Too Many Titles For His Own
Good." 

"Is it over?" Skrib yawned. "That was thorough. I really wish Woofer would
stop giving me all those silly titles." 

Having already closed down his workplace for the day, Skrib casually
sauntered out of his home, his hands in the pockets of his board shorts.
"Wassup?" He looked around, momentarily confused. "Strange... there's no
one here." 

"Look down here, stupid!" The non-human voice from earier squeaked from
below him at a level below his waist. 

Skrib did so, and followed it up with a doubletake. In front of him was a
huge white bunny standing on his hind legs. Huge compared to regular
rabbits, since this one was almost four times larger. 

Said bunny gave him the [Glare]. "Come with us quietly and we won't have
to take extreme measures." 

"Shouldn't that be 'Come with us quietly and no one gets hurt'?" Skrib
offered as he idly adjusted his tropical polo shirt, while he brushed away
a stray bang of dark curly hair from his dark eyes. 

(Damn Wind That Picks Up During Cinematic Moments.) 

The bunny twitched. "Don't press your luck, mister. You don't want us to
take drastic action." 

Skrib smirked. "This is an abduction? Oh, please." 

"So, will you come with us now?" The furry thing asked. 

"And what if I say no?" 

The bunny smiled. It was not a nice smile. "Then I will do this." 

As Skrib watched, the rabbit slowly grew... and grew... and grew... and
grew. He could barely make out tips of the ears of the now huge lop. 

"FOR! I! AM! NOOOOW! TIITTTAAAANNNNN! BUUNNNNYYYYYY!" 

"How cliche." Skrib stretched and yawned. 

Howling, the huge rabbit drove a huge foot forward, intent on crushing the
impudent smartmouth below him. Rage turned to surprise, however, when his
foot was stopped in mid-stomp by something holding it back.

"Tsk, tsk," Skrib commented, flexing his right arm while his left hand held
back the inrushing foot. He then slowly grew in size as he assumed his
Dragonform. The Dragon (which looked like the product of a one-night fling
by a Dragonite and Godzilla's kid) looked down at the Titanbunny. "Can you
fly?" 

"..." 

"Here's a demonstration." With that, Skrib punt-kicked the Titan Bunny over
the horizon. "Ah, beautiful form, excellent trajectory--what's this?" 

Skrib noted the familiar white shape approaching him from the distance.
"Come back for more, huh? ...Oh crap." 

This was when he realized that Titanbunny was not approaching him yet. 

It was still growing. 

The mountainrange was blanketed with darkness even if it was noon. 

"This... will be painful." Skrib grimaced. 

                                *  *  *

Ranma X. had finally woken up after several days in the fetal position
suffering from the previous torture session. It was a grey, dark day, but
Ranma X. was too happy in being conscious that he didn't notice the evil,
bloodied, upside-down pentagram in the sky.

That of course was until the undead zombie rabbits appeared all around him.

"Garrrrgghghhhh.." The broken, bloodstained, and oddly enough, flattened
bunnies uttered as bits of mangled flesh fell from their forms.

"The hell?" Ranma X. said. He looked confused as he walked up and poked
the bunnies to see if they were real. The Blood Bunnies would have
sweatdropped, if they were capable of it. Instead they approached the
author, bloody paws held out in front of them.

"Wow, I must be hallucinating or something. Undead rabbits? Great, they'll
probably try to hurt me and..." Ranma X. blinked as he saw the horde
approach. Moments before they all leapt at him.

Forced on the ground as the zombie rabbits beat him senselessly, he was
only able to scream:

"In the name of Bunnicula, stop it! *Ow* My spleen!"

Before a solid blow to the temple knocked him out.

"Whiner," One of the Blood Bunnies muttered as they dragged Ranma X.'s
body away.

                                *  *  *

Anyone present in the Nexus at that moment would have been treated to a
very surprising sight.

Namely, S.D. Ryukage standing in front of a SNES and TV, ranting at the
screen, which depicted a disturbingly cute/feminine teenage boy with blond
hair and *far* too large blue eyes.

"Damn you, Marcel! I would've *won* that heart if not for you! I *needed*
that!"

She continued in this vein until something crashed through the wall behind
her. S.D. started to turn around. "Ari, how many times have I told you..."
She trailed off and blinked. Repeatedly.

A three-foot tall rabbit made completely of metal and electronics that
looked as if they came straight from a junk shop stood before her. The
rabbit's eyes glowed bright red.

"Are you," it began in a thick Austrian accent, then paused and looked at
a note written on its paw. "Connor, John?"

S.D. blinked again. "No."

"Oh," the thing said in monotone, though with the same accent. It hopped
towards a hole in the wall, then turned its head towards S.D. again. "I'll
be back. Hasta la Vista, baby," it warned with an accent, before jumping
out.

S.D. rubbed her temples. "Remind me to kill Arion next time I see her."
She glared at the hole, then sighed. 

Suddenly, the creature hopped in again through the window. "I'm back,"
it said in the same monotone. "Are you" --he raised his left paw and read
the other note-- "Ryukage, S.D.?"

"hai," S.D. deadpanned in what was either a mockery of the Ternimator
Bunny or Rei Ayanami taking over briefly.

"I'm" --the creature paused for a full twenty seconds--"Ahnold. I have
come to" --the creature raised huge gun-- "terminate."

"an angel. my orders are to kill." Definitely Rei Ayanami. This was proven
by a flash of light and a transformation into said pilot, plugsuit and all.

Of course, the downside of this was that S.D./Rei had no sword, no magic,
and no EVA-00. The creature fired.

The upshot was that her reflexes were still enough to avoid the worst,
making the blast simply knock her out. "Ahnold" hefted the unconscious
S.D./Rei over its shoulder and walked out through the hole. It paused,
turned around, and blasted the sickeningly cute image on the screen.

"I'll be back."

                                *  *  *

Inside the Torture Theater, activity like nothing it had ever seen before
was taking place. To be specific, it was full of bunnies.

REALLY full of bunnies. A patrol of SS Saturn's finest Reich Bunnies were
keeping watch, Reichsplatters in their paws. In the corner, three Punk
Bunnies were cranking out loud music. In the control booth, a pack of
Cyber Bunny hackers were putting the final touches on the security system.
And by the main theater doors stood an ominous Atom Bunny for final
measure. It glowed eerily from radioactivity and gave off a faint hum.

The exit door opened and the prone form of Skribulous, back in his human
form, was unceremoniously booted inside, landing in a groaning heap on the
floor. As the door swung closed, the rumble of huge footfalls could be
heard outside.

A sinister Cult Bunny looked up from the Liber Paginaris he held. "Oh...
the first prisoner. Yes..." He hopped over and started drawing a
ritualistic circle around Skrib.

"Oh, good," an Evil Bunny commented, hopping up to the Cultist. "I was
thinking we'd be here all day. AND PIPE DOWN THAT RACKET!" he shouted at
the Punk Bunnies. The bunny noisemakers just turned up the music further.

The doors opened a mere fraction, and a shadow flitted through. The other
bunnies noticed nothing until Mark Poa crashed to the floor; no one
noticed the Ninja Bunny when it didn't want them to.

Up in the control booth, the noise had reached other people's ears as well
as W4, the mad author, entered and took in the sight before him. The Cyber
Bunnies looked back at him.

"All right, what's the big--SWEET KIM! What's going on here!?"

"Attention, citizen," an authorative voice said from somewhere around his
knees. "Proceed no further."

W4 lowered his gaze. Standing at his feet was yet another bunny, this one
dressed as Mega-City's finest. "Who... WHAT are you?"

"I am the Law."

"..." W4 said. The Judge Bunny held his position.

The control chair spun around, revealing its occupant. "Woofer! Hi!"
Jonatan exclaimed, waving cheerfully across the bunny crowds. Through the
window could be seen the pack of Battle Bunnies dragging a sedated Zeek
into the room and dumping him next to Skrib. Jonatan stood up and walked
over to W4. "So nice to see you! What have you been up to lately?"

"Jon, why is there bunnies in my theater?" W4 asked tersely. The door to
the cellar swung open and the Blood Bunnies added Ranma X to the group.
Not to mention tracking lots of blood on the floor.

Ranma X. woke up then saying, "I died and went to fanfic hell again,
didn't I?"

"I've started on this new project, you should see it," Jonatan cheerfully
babbled on. "It's in a fantasy setting, and features lots of--"

"THE BUNNIES."

"What?" Jonatan looked confused for a second, then realization struck
home. "Oh, you act like you haven't seen dozens of large, armed bunnies
taking over your house before. I believe my assistant hired them."

"Your assistant?"

"Yep. May I introduce you to Ushiko?" He made a sweeping gesture, as a
shapely young girl with purplish-pink hair and dressed in a cow-pattern
dress stepped out from behind a group of concealing Shadow Bunnies.

Ushiko curtsied gently. "Hello. You're the famous Dr. Kichigaisakka, yes?"

"Um... uh... yes?" Woofer managed to get out, being as he was rather shook
up over having an attractive girl show up without warning like that.

She giggled. "Well, I'm Doctor Streith's assistant, Ushiko."

"Doctor?"

"Have I never told you?" Jonatan asked, looking rather surprised. "I took
the Doctor's Exam in mad science... Spring '99, I believe, at the Forrester
Institute. I had the greatest lab partner ever. By the way, you never told
me where you got your degree."

"Yes, you're a mad scientist too, aren't you? Was it a long education?"
Ushiko asked.

"Uh, that is--" He was saved from the embarrassment by the sight of a
particularily notorious individual being dragged into the theater. "Hey,
that's NeoVid!" Then he noticed the pile on the floor. "And Skrib, and
Zeek! And--"

"Oh, I forgot to mention. We're taking over Torture Theater."

"WHAT?!" Woofer exclaimed. "You?! But... the paper work... the costs...
not to mention cleaning up this mess!"

"Something the matter?"

"Why didn't you book ahead?!"

"That's dull." He turned to his assistant. "Ushiko, be a dear and use
your female wiles on him."

"Okay..." Ushiko paused to run a list of her female wiles through her
head. She then snagged a passing bunny and clouted Woofer with it. Man
and bunny went out like candles.

"...That works," Jonatan agreed. "Put him in a closet somewhere, why don't
you?" Leaving his assistant to do the dirty work, he walked over to the
main camera to adress the gathered unfortunates. 

"How are you gentlemen!" Jonatan welcomed. "Having a good time?"

After that went through the partly-conscious minds of the kidnappees, they
all came to the same conclusion. "'How are you gentlemen?' We've been
captured by CATS?" 

Some nearby bunnies glared at them. "Do we look like cats to you?"

Ranma X. said flatly, "As long as I don't hear 'All your base are belong
to us' I couldn't care less."

"'We are on our way to destruction'," Skrib mumbled as he slowly came to.
"'We have no chance to survive make our t--'" >KLANG!< 

Ranma X. withdrew his Battle Spatula. "Dammit you, stop that." 

"Sorry..." 

NeoVid looked up at the Fairly Big Screen. "No, wait... it's Jonny!"

"Whoa," Skrib Keanu'ed. 

"We've been kidnapped by Yanni? NOOO!!" Mark over-acted.

"Who?" Zeek looked at Mark. "You've been watching too much crap haven't
you... Hey! Who glued the hilt of my sword to the sheath!"

Teacher Bunny whacked Zeek's hand with a ruler. Zeek removed his hand from
the sword hilt with a yelp.

"And it serves you right, you naughty delinquent student!" Teacher Bunny
scolded. "Now, stop playing with your sword and listen to the good doctor!"

Zeek glared at the Teacher Bunny but balked when the Reich Bunnies trained
their weapons at him.

Skrib and Ranma X. tried to hide their giggles.

"You sent... bunnies after us," Mark said. "I know I should be surprised,
but somehow I'm not."

"Ooooh! It was Bunnies! That's what I was doing wrong, wasn't it!"
Ranma X. said suddenly.

"Like them?" Jonatan asked, smiling. "They're pretty useful. And there's
just one more..."

On cue, the doors crashed open, a metallic silhouette gleaming in the
shadows. The Terminator Bunny hopped in with the rhythmic sound of metal
paws against the floor, a slender and plugsuited figure in its arms. It
hopped up to the screen. "Mission accomplished."

"...that's Rei Ayanami," Jonatan deadpanned.

"Ayanami-chan!" Hearts in his eyes, Skrib dove towards the girl in the
plugsuit before being bopped on the head with the mallet of the Ninja
Bunny. 

"Negative. Subject is S.D. Ryukage."

"Oro?" Skrib rubbed the bump on his head. 

"Hmm... oh, it IS her," Jonatan realized. "Strange girl and her strange
transformations. Well, dump her with the others."

Unfortunately, the Terminator bunny took this rather literally. 'Rei' woke
up as soon as she landed... on the fallen Skrib's head. Fortunately for
S.D., she also changed back to normal half-drow, half-dragon.

S.D. stood up, sighed, and monotoned, "Here again. Wai. Wai."

"...please... get off... me... can't breathe..." Skrib gritted out his
Shatner impression. 

SD blinked and stepped to the side as Mark went to help Skrib up.

Jonatan coughed before continuing. "Well, now that we're all gathered
here... the reason you're here--"

"You're going to show us bad fanfiction," NeoVid interrupted.

"You're going to probably tear down our will to live," Mark added.

"And you're going to have fun doing it too," Skrib said.

"...yes. Honestly, can't I be allowed a slight moment of drama?" Jonatan
muttered, irritated. 

"No." Zeek deadpanned.

"No." S.D. Ryukage added.

"Hell no!" Ranma X. said.

"Jeez... your fic today will be 'Screw With All People For Power', and it
takes the surrealistic story of 'Revolutionary Girl Utena' and wrecks it
with lead pipes. Oh, and it features bad SI, too."

A chorus of groans were heard from the victims.

"Oh, gods, it's another bad BSHB ripoff..." S.D. muttered. Then she raised
her voice. "Isn't the Satellite of Revolution supposed to handle those?"

"Usually. I guess Jon signed for the same service package," Ranma X. said.

This earned her a round of blank looks.

"...never mind," S.D. sighed.

"Hey, how come you seem fine with this?" Skrib noted Mark's indifference.

Mark shrugged. "After house-sitting for Kate with nothing to watch but
CNN, I don't think anything can be worse."

"...And we'll start the session with a complimentary Thinkerfic!" Jonatan
added cheerfully.

Surprised looks.

"But we like those!" Skrib exclaimed. "Well, maybe not *like*, but they
sure as heck ain't as bad as most..."

Jonatan nodded. "Yes. Yet another step to wear down your defenses, as is
the free snacks that will be served during the fic." He smiled smugly,
ignoring the fact that he had just explained his psychological tactics.

"Hey, Jonatan, will you give out dead black glasses too? So dark you can't
see through them?" Zeek looked up.

"...right," S.D. deadpanned. "He usually this bad when he's evil?"

"Well, he wasn't hiring bunnies to do his bidding last time," NeoVid
replied. "Could be worse. Coulda been an army of evil plushies."

"Plushies?" Mark queried.

"You don't want to know," NeoVid replied. 

Ranma X. simply shuddered.

"Guess there's nothing to do..." Mark mumbled. "And these bunnies all
around us is starting to give me the creeps. WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!"

"Thank Bahamut," Skrib commented idly as everyone filed into the theater.
"I was just getting a hankerin' for barbeque, too..." 

----------------------- DOORS -------------------------

6: A billboard advertising the new cereal: Rabbit Pellets! It's knocked
down before anyone can think about that joke too much.
5: A sign that looks like it's straight out of 'Paper Mario', with a
picture of several rabbits on it and the text, "Rabbits are good for you."
NeoVid taps the picture and the rabbits hop off the paper. S.D. and Skrib
have to be dragged to the next door.
4: A hovering sign in the air, where the door should be, that says "This
door is out of order, please go through." As usual, with this, a
portcullis falls behind after everyones through.
3: A "No Entry" sign. NeoVid and Ranma X. charge their shoulders against
the sign to no avail. Mark sighs and goes to the side of the sign. He
pushes the sign, which rolls away sideways on small wheels. NeoVid and
Ranma X. grin sheepishly and shrug. The group goes through.
2: A large poster with the Trix Rabbit. you can read only get to the part
of the slogan "Silly Rabbit Trix are for -" before Zeek finally rips his
sword out of the sheath and cuts the sign to ribbons.
1: A wall made out of asbestos. Skrib glares at the reader, muttering
"very funny", as the others blow the wall to smithereens. 
-------------------------------------------------------

Mark: (Turns to S.D.) By the way, we haven't been introduced, name's Mark.
(Extends hand)
S.D.: (shakes Mark's hand) Shadow Dragon Ryukage, but you can call me S.D.
or Ryukage.
Mark: S.D.? Doesn't that stand for Super De--
(Mark notices the battle aura rising from the drow.)
Mark: --structive person?
(S.D.'s aura diminishes.)
S.D.: No, it just stands for Shadow Dragon. (Sits down)
Skrib: (Whispers to Mark) Nice save.
Mark: (Whispers back) Good thing I had experience handling hotheaded girls
in high school. (Sweatdrops)
Skrib: Amen, kabayan. (claps Mark's back) 
S.D.: What was that? 
Both: Oh, nothing. (whistles innocently) 

> POKEMON OAV Part 5- "Trouble on the Grass" by Dr. >Thinker 

Zeek: When you do that much grass, there's always got to be trouble.
Ranma X.: Wonder if pokemon trainers have to pass random drug screenings...
(pauses, thinks of Ash) ...probably not, now that I think about it. 
(Flash, S.D. becomes Ash Ketchum.)
A.Ketchum [loud whiny voice]: Hey! I do not take drugs. 
(Flash, A.K. becomes S.D.)
S.D: I rest my case. 

> 
> ##############
> 

Mark: Please re-enter your password. 
(Skrib mimics typing. NeoVid mimics looking over his shoulder.)
NeoVid: I knew it! I knew it! I have Skrib's password!
Mark: What is it?
NeoVid: Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.
(Skrib does a rimshot.)
Ranma X: (rubbing temples) Guys!

> Ash Ketchum is in

NeoVid: --credibly simpleminded.

> Lavander Town, home to the Ghost Pokemons. Ash 
> notes it's been at least 4-5 days since the last. Ash had come out 

S.D.: --of the closet. (pauses) (facepalms) [mutters] I hate ShiShi...
Mark: Misty and Brock both had tried very hard to keep him from leaving.
NeoVid [Ash]: Gee, guys, why are you tying me up and placing garrote wire
to my throat?

> the Rock Tunnel just recently and meet Mrs. Fuji. Mrs. Fuiji told 

Ranma X.: Of an illicit affair she had with a real mountain of a man.

> about a Cubone's mother, 

NeoVid: And got shot by pissed gangsta Cubones.

>by a ruthless Rocket members. Mr. Fuiji 
> found out and want up to see what's up. But he can't a Channeler 
> block the way, 

Zeek: That's what Mr. Fuji gets for pissing off a mage.

> tell that uncatchable ghost at the seven floor. He 
> need to the Sliph Scope. 

NeoVid [Brock]: Whoa... scope out that slip!

>Mrs. Fuiji tells two big things in the 

Zeek: I don't even want to hear a lemon joke here, if I hear one...
NeoVid: Hack 'n slash? Right? 
(Zeek nods.)
Skrib [Narrator]: ...soup. And he was pretty sure he ordered cabbage soup,
not beef stew. 
S.D.: Maybe it was Limburger Cheese stew.
OTHER RIFFERS: PEEEE-UUUUU!!!

> closest city, Celedon. The Gym and the Game Center. 

Ranma X: And what games are in the Game Center of a Pokemon game?
Neovid: Monster Rancher!
Skrib: Digimon!
Mark: Princess Maker!
(All stare at Mark.)
Mark: What?

> Ash hikes that way, and take to the Celedon. He smells planets, 

Skrib: Does Ur-- 
Mark: NO, Skrib. >_< 
NeoVid: It's completely made of garbage!

> roses, tulips, buttercap 

Zeek: --nebulas, stars--
Ranma X: --poppies, ganja, peyote--
S.D.: --amaranth, valerian, vervain--
Skrib: --humus, guano, hashish--
Mark: Roses, tulips, buttercap-- when the Power Puff Girls disbanded and a
new team was formed.

>and anyelse in between those three. He first 
> stop is a building with out calling.

Zeek: Out calling is sort of like pig calling, but you can't roast outs.

> He sees a Rocket member in the building. After defeating him. He 

Mark: --wonders how the hell he did that so easily.
Skrib: Probably because Ash fought him in the toilet. 
Neovid: Caught with their pants down. How embarrasing. 

> founds the headquaters of Team Rocket. Ash fighting a few members 
> founds a meeting room, 

S.D.: Now known as the Ketchum Meeting Room.

>where a man was looking over a few Pokemon 
> with his own Pokemon.

Skrib [Man]: Hmmm... this pokemon needs... an ENEMA!

> 
> Ash look at him. Then the boss of Team Rocket 

NeoVid: --refused to have anything to do with this story.

>saw him.
> 
> "You the KID that MESS UP by HEADQUATERS! I'm GET YOU or my name 
> isn't GIONNAVI!!!!"

Ranma X.: Almost makes me wish I was playing Zero Wing.
Zeek: Yeah, shame when a mistranslated Japanese game is more coherent than
this garbage. 
S.D.: (blinks) I thought it was impossible to get a Pokemon game character
OOC... looks like I was wrong.
Zeek: You can get everything IC object OOC...trust me, I know.
NeoVid: How?
Zeek: Make a stupid story. 
(Other riffers facefault.)
Mark: (Rubbing his forehead) Ouch! Why'd we facefault like that?
Skrib: It was like something came over us and made us OOC.
(All look around and shudder.)

> Ash send's Gionnavi's to the

Mark: --penalty box for excessive checking.

> healing room. "Why here?"

Ranma X: Why not?
NeoVid: What me worry?

> "It's like Las Vega!" 

NeoVid: Vincent and Victor Vega?
Mark: Someone's been watching too much Tarantino recently.

>Gionnavi stated as he disappear living behind 

Mark: The new supervillian, The Living Behind. (Facepalms) ...I can't
believe I made that joke.

> few items, including a strange machine.

Mark [Doctor Evil]: It's called... a "laser." (Makes quotes with fingers)
Zeek: It might be the machine that goes bing...
Ranma X: ... or a dilithium crystal chamber...
S.D.: ... or the Tardis...
Skrib: ... or a specially modified dil--
Zeek: (Unsheathes sword halfway) Say it and die.
Skrib: *grumble, grumble*

> Ash founds that a few Grass trainer 

Ranma X [grass trainer]: This weed is gonna sit up and beg, man... Can't
you see it?

>from the Police Officers in this 
> city, hoping to catch Gionnavi in mid-battle. 
> 
> Ash figures out that a Gym Leader might note at that

NeoVid: And we'll be sure to.

> 
> Ash fights his way with his Pokemon against lady trainers, cool 
> traineress, Jr. trainers and the Lasses and Beatuties and founds a 
> small 

Zeek: And thus, the 8th wonder of the world is created, it's called a
small.
Mark: It has been rapidly expanding because their natural enemies,
the bigs, were becoming endangered.

> with small hole. With a pit of water below the hole. On the 
> other side is the Leader know a Erika. Ash flashes back to 

Ranma X.: The day his mother told him his life was a lie and a cruel joke.
S.D. [Ash's mom]: You're really a girl.
Skrib [Ash, squeaky voice]: I am? Ohmygod, my voice just changed! 

>the sign 
> outside:

NeoVid [exact Ash]: It's a Sign... (kneels)
Mark [Voice from Sign]: Ash, you must embark on a quest for the Holy Grail!
NeoVid [Ash]: The Goldy Hail?
Mark [Voice]: No, the Holy Grail.
NeoVid [Ash]: The Moldy Tail?
Mark [Voice]: No, I... oh, I give up! Just be a Pokemon Trainer. 

> Erika is what you might call a small shy girl, becuase she was 
> ready shy around man and woman. Lucky, I got help from the woman. 

Skrib: You can read all about that help in Playboy. Or Penthouse. Or
Cosmopolitan. Or Hustler. Or... 
Neovid: Wait. COSMOPOLITAN?!? 
Skrib: Whoops, did that slip out? (sweatdrops) 
Zeek: That's it. 
(Zeek jumps on Skrib, but misses and lands on S.D., who unsheathes the
Masamune and tries to slice Zeek in half. He vanishes and reappears
unharmed in his own seat.)
(Others blink at Zeek.)
Skrib: How?
Zeek: Ninja Illusions. 
(S.D. rolls her eyes and re-sheathes the Masamune)

> She's not that spy around females and young males. She is quiet 
> peacefuly, unless you want a Rainbow badge.
> 
> Sign The D. Man

NeoVid: You are on the way to D. Struction.
Zeek: And D. Vestation.
Ranma X: Basically, anything that starts with 'D' and ends with 'tion.'
Mark: No, you can still be D. Vored.
S.D.: Sometimes, they can also succumb to D. Mentia.
Skrib: What I enjoy most is when someone gets a big D. Sire to... (goofy
grin)
Zeek: Say it and D. Sipate.
Skrib: Don't D. Test me because I'm beautiful.
{Zeek takes a swipe at Skrib, who flies away.)
Mark: I think he just barely escaped from D. Capitation.
(Audible groaning is heard.)

> Ash makes his way the room. "Erika! I want to battle you!"

NeoVid [exact Ash]: Yeah, that's it... battle...

> 
> Erika stops her staying into a space for toss her Pokemon to battle 
> against Ash's Fearrow, but her Pokemon are Pokemon.

NeoVid: Are pokemon are Pokemon are Pokemon are Pokemon are Pokemon are
Pokemon are Pokemon...
Mark: Hit him on the head, I think he's stuck.
[Ranma X whomps NeoVid flat with his spatula.]
Mark: (Sweatdropping) I didn't mean that hard.
NeoVid [flatly]: I feel fine.

> "I like a just feel like I'm in love with a boy!" shouted 

Zeek: --James.

>Erika

S.D. [Erika]: But maybe I just love this pencil, or that gazebo over there!
Skrib: The gazebo's here too? 
S.D.: (nodding sagely) Yeah, they're everywhere. 

> 
> 
> This thing send shock aways thought the Grass Gym! 
> 

Ranma X (grass gym): Now, what do I do with all these shock aways I didn't
order?

> 
> Ash ask "Who?"
> "The only boy right here now." replied Erika. "You know it's is only 
> a girl gym."

Mark [Homer]: A gayme? What's a gayme?

> Ash takes a clue 

S.D: The first one he ever had in his life.

>to exit the gym. But one of the Lass mention that 
> she is expect at Pokemon history, and note the strange machine he 
> stuffed in his pocket is a Sliph Scope. 

Skrib: Hey, Ash, aren't you forgetting something? 
Zeek: Wait till the end of this Thinker series when Ash realizes he's just
been had by Erika, cause no badge was handed over.

> 
> Ash makes very quick back to the the Lavander Town, and up thought 
> the Ghost Tower, 

NeoVid [ghost tower]: Now I'll think something else... let's see... "Down."

>to meet four Team Rocket member. The Rocket 
> Brothers,

S.D.: Larry, Darryl, and his other brother Darryl.
NeoVid: They said four Rockets.
S.D.: ...and his other, other brother Darryl.

> Ronald, Rick, Thomas, and Tony. 

Ranma X.: Oh no! Thomas Dolby and Tony Danza joined up with Ronald
McDonald and that guy from 'Silver Spoons'!

>Ash cleans their Pokemon's 
> clock 

Skrib [Ash]: That'll be five-fifty for each clock. You guys really
shouldn't let your pokemon dunk their alarm clocks in water.

>and feel Mr. Fuiji is found the huge ghost is sleeping. 
> 
> Ash quietly look he Sliph Scope on the ghost as ghost formation into 
> it's last read version......A MARROK, a evloved from of Cubone with 
> all six Pokemon,

Mark: So add six Pokemon together and you get a Marrok?
Skrib: So when did we cross over to Voltron? 

> Ash defeats Marrok and Mr. Fuij thanks him for 
> doing his job. Ash gets the Pokeflute and Ash ask Fuiji for the next 
> gym. Ash discovers Wartortise is 

Ranma X: --revolting?

>evolving into a Blastortie. 

NeoVid: Blastortilla. It's what they make tacos with in the Pokeverse.


> 
> Ash runs south to the Fuisha City. 

NeoVid [effete Ash]: God, I love fashion! I'm so super!
Zeek: Ashy boy suuure loves his pastels.

> ###############################################

Skrib: Intermission by the Pound Sign Chorus!
Mark [announcer]: The next number will be the Asterisks Symphony
performing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." 
Zeek: Followed by the At symbol performing "E-Mail".
(All riffers blink.)
Ranma X: What?
Zeek: (shakes head) I don't know where that one came from.

> “Yes!” screamed a someone… it was WAY 

Mark [Bill]: WAY!
NeoVid [Ted]: No way!
Mark [Bill] Way heinous, dude!
NeoVid [Ted]: Most non-triumphant, my excellent friend.

>to dark to see who this someone 
> was…because the lights were off, and because reads can’t see in 
> infrared. 

Skrib: Anyone catch that last sentence? 
Mark: No. 
Neovid: Nada. 
Zeek: Nope. 
Ranma X: Hell, no. 
Skrib: Just checking. 
S.D. [absently]: "'Yes!' screamed someone. It was far too dark to tell
just who this 'someone' was, because the lights were off, and because the
readers can't see in infrared."
Skrib: ...

> “I have done it! EUREAKA” 

NeoVid: Well, you reeka, too!

>Yes, she had done it, and if she 
> would turn the damned lights on the reader would be able to see what 
> she had done.

S.D.: (looks up) They're riffing for us. Can we go now?
Jonatan [over intercom]: No.
(S.D. sighs)

> The lights flickered on, and a tall blue haired girl 
> (with her hair up in two tight buns on the sides of her head) 

Ranma X: So we'd be justified in calling her a butthead?
(Mark whaps Ranma X. on the back of the head.)
Mark: (Looks at hand) Whoops, sorry. It was a reflex action.
Ranma X: (Takes out spatula) Well, this isn't!
(Others hold back Ranma X. while Mark dodges the spatula strikes. Ranma X.
calms down after a few moments.)

>looked 
> around the room. 

Skrib: (spacing out) Kawaii... 
Mark: Get a hold of yourself! Appearances can be deceiving! 
Skrib: (shakes his head) Whoa. That was close. 

> Her lab coat was totally covered in chemicals, for 
> that matter so was everything else in the room. 

NeoVid: Oh. It's Jonatan's sister. 
Mark: Ah, everything's all clear now. 

> “I have done it!!!!! 

NeoVid: Take that line as you will. 

> KOTORI COME LOOK WHAT I HAVE DONE!!” she hollered out.
> 

Skrib: ... (sobs) Not Monou-chan... 
Ranma X: Hey, isn't she that psychic girl who was beheaded in that
movie...? 
Skrib: (sobs louder) *SOB!* ;_; 
(Flash. S.D. becomes Kotori. Unfortunately... it's dubbed Kotori)
Kotori: Oh, that was just a scratch. I'm all right now. See? (She ^_^s
and shows her neck wound.)
Skrib: (wails even louder) *WAAH!!!* ;_; ;_; ;_; 
(Flash. S.D. is back to normal)
S.D.: (noting stares) I bought the dub and gave it away last year.

> A door in the left hand corner of the room (that was not previously 
> described, but rather brought to life by the will of the person 
> wanting to get through it)

Zeek: Lets all go down to Eyrie... (rolls his eyes and sighs)
(Flash, S.D. becomes Frank N. Furter.)
Frank: Well, hello there, Dr. Scott. Or should I say...Dr. Von Scott?
(Flash, S.D. turns back to normal.)
Zeek: I never would've pegged you for a Rocky Horror fan...
S.D.: Tim Curry. (eyes glaze slightly)

> opened, and Kotori walked in. She looked 
> angry, as she had just been pulled away from an Utena episode. 

(Skrib is still bawling.) 
Mark: (wincing) Could someone please shut him up? 
Zeek & Ranma X: Will do! 
(Both Zeek & Ranma X wallop Skrib with their respective weapons.
Unfortunately, Mark was in the blast radius.) 
Mark: (slightly flattened) Ow. 
Zeek: Uh....oops? Sorry...Never knew my sword could do that.
Ranma X: Sorry 'bout that. You were in the way. 
Skrib: +_+ Monou-chan... 

> “What?” “I have just managed to dye my hair blue!”

NeoVid [unnamed character]: But I took a shower before the dye dried,
and now I look like a smurf!

> “Lovely… WHO CARES?” 

Mark: Geez, Skrib, stop overreacting. See? It's not even the same girl. 
Skrib: (wipes away tears) Ah... O-okay. I'll get over it. 

> “Well I do… I mean, it’s my hair and everything!” “Sigh…Sun, 
> I thought you did something important.” 

Zeek: There you go thinking again...

> “I did… I dyed my hair…” 

Mark [Sun]: Once it becomes red, it shall start to grow tomatoes and
benefit mankind! Mwahahahaha!

>“And 
> what of all your other projects?” “Oh those, they are in the back 
> room, I finished them a week or so ago.” “You are

Ranma X: --obviously evil, and must die!

> done?” With this 
> Kotori ripped across the room, to another previously undescribed 
> door, with a flash of gold hair… 

(Skrib goes tense, but other than gripping the seat armrests, manages to
keep his composure.) 

> she then ripped the door off its 
> hinges and landed in the room…there before her stood…

Zeek: Superman?
NeoVid: Mick Foley?
Mark: Anna Kournikova?
Skrib: A literary editor?
S.D.: Death?
Ranma X: Dea-- Hey, I was gonna say that!
(S.D. shrugs)

>a chair…

All: Awww!
(Mark gets out a pad and starts writing.)
Mark: Okay, everyone gets negative two points for that last one. I'm also
giving the author negative five points for excessive ellipses. (Puts away
the pad.)

>but 
> behind the chair stood 

Zeek: Super--(Pauses) Oh, yeah, we just did this a while ago. (Relaxes)

>a CROSS DIMENTIONAL PORTAL. 

NeoVid: AMAZING CAPS LOCK ACTION!
Ranma X: Quit speaking in all cap--
NeoVid: (quickly, to Ranma X) SHUT UP!
Ranma X: --s. Huh?

>“Neep” Kotori 
> squeaked in happiness. She then ran to the machine and expertly began 
> to push buttons 

Skrib [Kotori]: Oooh, what does this button do?
NeoVid [Dexter]: Dee De--er, Kotori, no!

>and lift levers…to no avail… 

NeoVid: There was no "the end," and the MSTers continued to endure the
story.
Zeek: It must be an interociter.

>it was not plugged 
> in…

(All facepalm)

>and on top of that Kotori had never seen a cross dimensional 
> portal before…maybe that is why she was operating a lawn mower.

(All facepalm again.)
Mark: Anyone else feel the authors are making fun of themselves?
Skrib: Ironic, isn't it?
Zeek: What's ironic?
Skrib: Oh, nothing.

> “Koto? Did you go to another party yesterday?” asked Sun walking 
> through a non-descriptive door. “No… I just ate a package of sugar…” 

Skrib [Sun]: Well, that's a relief. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MY PRIVATE STASH
OF SWEETS?!?
Mark [Kotori]: That wasn't the package of sugar? 
Zeek: What are you two getting at? 

> “Then why are you so happy…for Pete’s sake… it is just a lil 1g 
> packet…” “Nope” said Kotori pulling a 4kg sugar package from 
> hyperspace (she got the lawn mower working)…. 

Skrib & Mark: Case closed. 
Zeek: I... see.
NeoVid: (peering closely) Hey, that's not sugar! I can tell what an empty
bag of crack looks like. 
Ranma X: Must be what the authors were on when they wrote this. 

> Oh by the way

Zeek [narrator]: --your shoes are untied.
(Other riffers look down at their shoes.)
Mark: (looking down) No, they're not.
Skrib: (looking down) I'm not wearing any.
NeoVid: (looking down) Ooh, a penny.
S.D.: (looking down) Mine don't have laces.
Ranma X: (looking down) Hey, you're right. (Ties shoelaces.)
Zeek: ... You all did that just to irritate me, didn't you? (Sulks)
(Others try to hide their giggles.)

> the 
> “packet” was empty…and one spoon fell from it when Kotori turned it 
> over. “DEAR GAWD” 

NeoVid [Kotori]: ... It's great! Uh-ooh! Ah! More! More! Ahhh! Ahh!
(Others stare at NeoVid.)
NeoVid: (noticing the stares) Didn't anyone of you see the Herbal Essences
commercial?
Others: (nodding) Ahhh...

>screamed Sun, as she walked into a chair. But it 
> was too late...the lawn mower, ripped through the fabric of time and 
> space, and Kotori was sent head over heals down the worm hole, or the 
> like.
> 

Mark: o/~ And I'm lost in space without you-whooo! o/~

> Kotri blinks, she flips her blond hair out of her face and looks 
> cautiously at the surroundings…it appears that she is in a bar…a 
> REALY smoky bar…. A really, smoky, drunken bar…. 

All: We get it already, story!

>A really smoky drunken bar, 

Zeek: Sheesh, here it goes again.
Ranma X: Yeah, what do we care if she's in a really smoky drunken bar...

>with Akio…. 

All [except S.D.]: Who?
S.D.: [as if reading from a biography] Akio Ohtori. Dean of Students for
Ohtori Academy. Engaged to Kanae Ohtori, older brother of Anthy Himemiya.
Suspected to be screwing everything breathing and on two legs, and at
least half of what isn't. Is definitely in bed with Seitokaichou Touga
Kiryuu, as well as his sister Anthy, and would like to bed Utena Tenjou.
Is also Dios. See also: Prince, Dios, Rose Bride, Anthy Himemiya, Million
Swords of Hate, Duelist, Akio-Car.
All [except S.D.]: ...
Mark: By the way, how can a bar get drunk?
(Others ponder this.)

>A really smoky drunken bar with Akio whom is 
> apparently drunk…

S.D.: (droning) Seeeen...it...seeen...it... (normal voice) Hey, maybe
they'll have Touga pole-dancing half-nude again. Or Jerry Springer on a
pogo stick being pulled from Anthy's chest.
(Long pause. Most of the other riffers stare blankly at her. S.D. smirks.)
Mark: (to Ranma X) You're getting behind on the "way out there" riffs.
She's (points to S.D.) catching up.

> Kotori does an understatement ‘oh oh”, 

Mark & Skrib: o/~...we're in trouble! Something's come along and it's
burst our bubble. Yeah yeah! o/~
NeoVid: And I will, in'correctly "punctuate all of my sentences!.

>she then 
> pulls a vile of weird purple stuff out of her hair and takes a gulp. 

S.D. [Sun]: Hey, Kotori, have you seen my 'Distilled Akio Pheromones'
anywhere? It's a vial...of...purple...ohshit.

> She decides that she will worry about its consequences on the rest of 
> her life later…right now, she is busy trying to keep a VERY 
> determined Akio, far, far away. 

Mark [Akio]: Was it my breath?

>“Hello…” she begins uneasily “I’m 
> Kotori…and I’m here to…ummm…ummm …ummm… take pictures?…yes that is 
> exactly why I’m here…I’m taking pictures, for my w-e-b-p-a-g-e……

Mark [Spider-man]: Hey, you remember the hyphen! Good, most people tend to
leave that out.

> y-e-s….that is it….hehe ….. so why don’t I just leave?” 

Zeek: Because that would be too merciful.

>she quickly 
> begins to back up, when she feels Akio’s hand on her shoulder. 

NeoVid [Kotori]: I think you lost this. (Tosses his right hand to Ranma X.)
(Ranma X catches the hand before realizing what it is.)
Ranma X: (Drops the hand like a hot potato) Yeow! How the hell did you do
that?
NeoVid: (Picks up the hand and reattaches it) Trade secret.

>“If you are a photographer, where is your camera?” “Ummm….” 

Mark [Kotori]: In the showers?
Skrib [Kotori]: My dog ate it!
NeoVid [Kotori]: Darn. Outsmarted again. At least it wasn't by the
doorknob this time.

>Kotori searches her outfit for something resembling a 
>camera, 

Skrib [Kotori]: OK, this looks just like a camera, so it's good enough!
Zeek: I certainly hope that wasn't what I thought it was...
Skrib: (smirking to Zeek) Why? What did you think that line meant?
Zeek: I... (sweatdrops, blushes) Er, never mind.

>all the while 
> cursing herself on her bad luck. 

Ranma X: Her bad luck quadrupled and eventually gave her an untimely,
grisly demise.
Mark: (mummbling to himself as he writes something down) And Ranma X gets
his dark riffs in.
Zeek: Untimely? Heck no. The sooner, the better.

>It is then that she notices what she 
> is wearing…. 

NeoVid [Kotori]: Plaid! Nooooooooo!!!

>And whom she is talking to 

Skrib [girlish voice]: Frankie! (Mimics fainting)

>….in REAL life! She screams, 
> she screams very loud, and very, very clearly “…HELP!” 

Zeek: That's supposed to be our line.

>She is then 
> squashed flat as a bug 

NeoVid [Ferdinand, with accent]: The world is as flat as a pancake!
Skrib [Christopher, with accent]: It is as round as my head!
(NeoVid whips up a mallet from somewhere and flattens the top of Skrib's
head cartoonishly.)
NeoVid [Ferdinand, with accent]: It is as flat as your head!

>by a huge weight falling on her head….and huge 
> it is, about 6’2 to be precise. 

S.D. [narrator]: Don't worry, I checked with a ruler.

>“Wow, what d'ya know, it really 
> works!… my cross dimensional portal works!!!” “Sun…one word…GET OFF!” 

NeoVid [Sun]: I'm trying! Why do you think I fell on you?

> “that is two” “oh stop being cliché and get OFF!” Sunday, swings 
> herself off Kotori’s head and lands on the floor…she stares adoringly 
> at Akio. “what a pretty, pretty, pretty…” 

Zeek: Sunday's stuck again, get the hammer.

> Akio looks impressed at his 
> being worshipped.

S.D.: Ohtori has a miko. Ohtori is Dios. Ohtori is in bed with nearly
everything breathing and on two legs, and half of what isn't. And he
thinks being called 'pretty' is being worshipped?
Mark: Nice mini-rant.
S.D.: Wait till I get started. (slight evil smirk)

> Sun continues “…pretty, but flat, girl.” Kotori’s 
> eyes go round in horror “Sun” she hisses “that is Akio.” Sun looks 
> Akio up and down, she pulls out her Playskool doctors kit, 

Mark: Product placement. No wonder they can afford to make this thing.
Skrib: (idly thinking) Wonder how much I can get people to advertise on my
fics?

>and begins 
> to examine Akio….” He breaths!!!!…and his heart is BEATING, and, and, 
> and…

Mark [Freakazoid]: But... can you dance?

>..ooh….he blinks” 

NeoVid: This is new... I think the punctuation gave me a brain hemorrage.
Skrib: Go home, punc!

>she pokes him in the eye “and winces in pain.” 
> Akio, now royally hammered doesn’t have the will power to make her 
> stop…ev4er 

Zeek: No l33t talk!!

>since he drank whatever that green stuff was that Kotori 
> had given him. He suddenly has a revelation…as angels sing in the 
> background…

(NeoVid pulls out a CD player from someplace and plays the Undertaker's
old entrance theme.) 

>he turns to the two cross-dimensional explorers 

S.D: I'm sure that was supposed to say, "Cross two-dimensional explorers."

>and says “You are to aid in me running a business! The SWAP4P!” 

NeoVid [Sun]: We have to write spams? Awww...

>“Ok!” agrees 
> Sunday “Sun, shut up.. you don’t know what we are getting into.” “As 
> my vice…err…maybe not….helpers…nah not that….secretaries….” 

Zeek [Akio]: ...No, wait. How does the term "sanitation engineer" sound?

>he gives 
> them a skeptical look (or at least as skeptical as can be expected 
> from a hammered male) “….no not secretaries…you can be my lackeys!” 

Mark: They're perfect for the job, since they already lack.

> “I refuse…I don’t take positions under vice president!” 

NeoVid [Sun]: Well... it depends on how hot the VP is, really...
Skrib: (To Zeek, jerks thumb to NeoVid) How come you don't hit him?

>says sun…her 
> nose in the air! 

Mark [NBA announcer]: Look at that nasal passage fly!
NeoVid [NBA announcer]: Is it the shoes? 

>“if you get any more stuck up, Sun…we’ll put your 
> head in the living room, right by the stuffed moose’s” 

Skrib: Can you imagine Akio explaining that to guests?
Mark [Akio, British]: And here was my latest catch. Gave me quite a fight,
really. But I managed to nail the bugger square in the puss.
Zeek [guest]: ...

>“no I 
> refuse…I’m no lackey!” says Sun, drinking some grape juice that 
> Kotori gave her. 

Ranma X: Unfortunately, she only *thought* it was grape juice...

>“oh very well…you can be vice presidents!” says Akio 
> “wow he really IS hammered!” exclaims Kotori

Zeek [Akio]: Can't touch this!

> And thus the two become the vice presidents of SWAP4P, something that 
> was later very much regretted by Akio. 

Mark: As well as many other people.

> ***
> The next day the two are transported to Akio academy via Akio car,

Zeek: Boy, Akio is sure convertible, right?

> and Akio…neither impressed, since the fog of drunkenness and hangover 
> cleared…but what is done is done, and Akio had a brilliant idea on 
> how to get rid of both girls,

Ranma X [Akio]: Two vats of boiling oil ought to do the trick. 

> that is, until he realized… “they just 
> aren’t screwable…” 

NeoVid & Skrib: Well...
(NeoVid and Skrib blink and look at each other.)
NeoVid & Skrib: (Shaking their heads) Too easy...

>he said to Touga that day as they were laying on a 
> bed in the tower 

Ranma X: ...
Zeek: ...
Neovid: ...
Mark: ...
Skrib: ...
(Flash, S.D. becomes Raven Hashiba.)
Raven: (cackling maniacally as he takes picture after picture) Perfect!
Oh, Oh~to~ri~kuuun...
(Raven vanishes and S.D. reappears)
S.D. [as if to self]: You had better be making doubles, Hashiba.
Raven [v.o.]: Done and done, m'lady.
(S.D. smirks.)
Zeek: I don't want to know.

> “…they just aren’t, I’ve never seen two people that 
> are SO very unscrewable! There can’t be! There isn’t I would know!” 
> “Oh don’t worry about it…I’ll see what I can do…after all…I could use 
> another interesting executive position 

NeoVid: Hey, who couldn't?

>to fill into my resume.” 

> ***

Mark: --According to a the critics at New Bedlam Mental Institution.

> 
> The two girls…women?…people?…people of no specific gender…no wait, 
> they are females…ahh there we go…the next day the two females, 

Skrib: Just so you know, there are very few things that scare me... The
story not being able to figure out the gender of the SI--er, I mean
protagonists, is one of them. 
Mark: (nods) Right. 

> were 
> unpacking in their new rooms at an Ohtori dorm…. o O 

(All o_O's)
Mark: Well, this is new. It didn't think any fic would be surprised to
see us.

>(great now I 
> sound like a biology book…the female cow….blah blah blah…)

Zeek: Will you stop riffing for us, Ms. Authors? -_-

> “WOW! Our own room and the like!…but what are we unpacking?” “I 
> dunno…” said Kotori, as she continued to fold and place air into her 
> closet 

NeoVid: You'll give yourself an embolism if you keep that up.
Mark: Now showing: The SI's New Clothes!

>“..the author said that we are unpacking, I suppose that it is 
> a very homely sort of gesture that allows for inner thoughts to be 
> expressed…”

Zeek: ECHO!!!!!!
(The word Echo goes thru the theatre, and echos for a few minutes.)
Zeek: Go figure.

> "Oh…” said Sunday, as she mimicked Kotori’s movements, very badly, 
> may I ad, 

Ranma X [newspaper editor]: It's going to cost $150 for a byline and an
extra $100 if you want to use pictures with the ad.
Mark [narrator]: ... Aw, forget it!

>as she had already managed to trip over every piece of 
> furniture in the room, because she forgot that they weren’t as 
> imaginary as the clothing she was folding. 

NeoVid: Imaginary clothing...
Skrib: I wish it was more popular.

>“…so this is like 
> cooking…you know a chance to open up.” 

NeoVid: Open up? Sounds like a set-up for a yuri scene.

>“yep…except I would prefer if 
> your cooking remained imaginary.” “I will have you know I won best 
> cook in grade 9!” 

Ranma X [Kotori]: Of course, I cooked the teacher and all my classmates
just gave me the award, but still...
S.D. [Sun]: ...
Ranma X [Kotori]: What?
S.D. [Sun]: Did he taste good with catsup?

>“Of course... the award was given to you by 

NeoVid [Sun]: --Spies who wanted it for chemical warfare.

> nasa…ever since they started using your cookies to plate their spacce 
> ships…

NeoVid: This fic is pre-riffed for your inconvenience.

>after all, there is no other material on this plannet quite as 
> hard…” “well except for Touga’s CENSORED…..” . o O 

(Zeek puts his head in his hands and sighs.)

> (biology...what 
> did I tell you??) “…and my cooking isn’t that bad!…well except that 
> time I poisoned my class, and a terrorist group tried to buy the 
> recipe….that was all…no wait, and that little incident with the 
> military…and the one with the fire department….” 

Mark: She ought to cook for the entire Philippine government.
(Mark & Skrib share a wicked grin.)

>“THANK YOU! That was 
> more then enough!… so what are we going to do now…I mean…WE ARE vice 
> presidents 

NeoVid [Kotori]: Oh right, the VP positions! Let's get to work!

>of a club we don’t know…” 

Zeek: They want to get to know the club. Let's help them.
(NeoVid gets out an iron pipe.)

>“Let’s interviews the BOSS!!! 
> It’ll be fun…but we will have to catch him off guard, so that he 
> won’t have time to put on 

Mark [Kotori]: ... a Kevlar and Helmet before we burst his head out with
an Arctic Rifle shell!
Others, except Mark: ...
Mark: ...too much CounterStrike. (sweatdrops)

>a façade when he sees us!” 

Zeek: I prolly wouldn't say much, but what the heck is that? [points at
the squiggle on the c]
NeoVid: See, they ordered that line from "Dialogue By François."

> “Hai, hai…and 
> then we can convince him to get us better clothing…better then this 
> icky uniform!” 
>Kotori pulls at the Ohtori girl’s uniform. “…and the 
> invisabible clothing!” 

Skrib: No! Keep the invisible clothes!

>So the two misfits organised a bunch of people 
> and "revamped" the Ohtori magasines...they made a tabloid and a 
> bunnnies magasine.... 

Zeek: Sounds like Jonatan's pals got into that set-up.

>ehem....and then they decided to conduct various 
> interviews and the like....YES

Mark: NO!
NeoVid: WELL, MAYBE!

>....are you all beginning to see the 
> problems?

Zeek [Deadpan]: No.

> 
> -------------------------

NeoVid: You're so dashing!
Ranma X: Hey, that's my line!
NeoVid: Don't be such a straight.
(Audible groan is heard again.)

> 
> Sun runs into the room, pulling back the curtains to allow for the 
> golden light to reflect of the pale pink walls. 
> “Kotoriiiii-chhaaaaan!, 

Zeek [Kotori, with echo]: Yeeeeeeeeeeeesss?
Ranma X [Sun, with echo]: Hooooow doooooo weeee uuuuuseee tthhhheee
iiiinnnntteeeerrccoooom?
Zeek [Kotori, with echo]: Iiiiiii ddoooooonn't knooooow!

>my room is piink!” Her cries are soon met by 
> Kotori who casually walks into Sun’s room. She looks appreciatingly 
> at the surroundings before turning to Sun “All the rooms in this 
> academy are pink…

S.D.: ...no. They're not. Utena and Mikage have pink hair. Touga has pink
bedsheets. That's it.
Mark: ..."Touga has pink bedsheets?"

> and anyway this room has been this color from the 
> first time we set foot in it.” “oh?” Sun looks taken aback “…I’m 
> going to have nightmares about it…you understand?” 

Mark: Yes. I do.

>Kotori shakes her 
> head “…then repaint it.” She then walks out. “Koto…are you ok?” 
> “Yes…its just that…that…sniff….Jury kicked me out of the shower 
> again!….wahhh!”

(S.D. twitches, then flashes to Miko Hiryuu.)
Miko [flatly]: ...die, Avatar. Slowly. In great pain.
(Flash, back to S.D.)

> “errr” [eyebrow twitch] “for the what-eth time this 
> week?” “I just…just can’t take it anymore.” “well can you blame 
> her…how would you feel if Eggplant was in your shower EVERYDAY!?” 
> “You are comparing me to HIM” 

S.D: No, He would hit you with lightning if you did that.

>“No wait that was a bad example….” 
> “HIM!!! I’m nothing like him!!!” 

Mark: Well, anatomically speaking...

>“you are correct…so sorry…well how 
> would you feel if Touga was in YOUR shower each day?”

S.D.: I'd rather have Mikage there. (eyes glaze over)

> “Your examples 
> keep getting better and better…do you realize?” 

Skrib [student]: No, ma'am. (smiling) 
Zeek [teacher]: Well, you're becoming a fine student!
Skrib [student, muttering]: I hope this doesn't mean I have to do
extra-credit work.

>“Akio…how about Akio?”

S.D.: (snaps out of Souji-induced haze) Not if you paid me.

> Their banalities are, thankfully, 

NeoVid: --low, so the Fae are cool with having them around.

>interrupted by a knock on 
> the door. Sun, looking much abashed, hides her head in her hands, as 
> Koto, with a look of death opens the door. *Never ever get in the way 
> of Kotori’s look of death* 

Ranma X.: Yes, when someone interrupts Kotori's spying on Death, she gets
mad.

>unfortunately this was not Akio’s good 
> day, the look of death hit him full tilt, like a speeding bullet.

Mark: "If looks could kill..."

> Poor guy…what did he do to deserves this? 

All: Appear in this story.

>Fortunately, after being 
> stunned for a few minutes her regained his composure and with a cool 
> fluid style began to talk…

Skrib [Akio]: *burble, burble, slush*
S.D.: It said fluid, not watery.
Skrib: Aww, you're spoiling my fun. ^_^
NeoVid: Nice Slushhead impression though.

>then realizing that, yes, it was one of 
> THEM that he was talking to he lost all grace and

NeoVid: --Became just like every other character in this story.

> just talked. “I 
> brought you something to interview…someone…someone…damming.”

Zeek: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dam.

> “oh…who?” “Err…you’ll see.” With those words he 
turned and left. 
> Kotori slammed the door. “W-E-L-L, 

Mark: She spelled something! Amazing!

>wasn’t THAT interesting…anyone 
> ELSE want to try me, here!!!!!” Sun squashed herself against the wall

Zeek: Guess she's trying to be a fly-on-the-wall.
(Others groan.)

> attempting to become invisible…when there was another knock on the 
> door….Sun inched over to it…

Mark: ...as opposed to footing over to it. (Pauses. Facepalms.) Accounting
terms really don't leave you for a while.

>sideways…keeping close distance to the 
> wall, and opened it…there in the hall stood Nanami…NANAMI?

S.D.: ...DIE!
NeoVid: Damn. One of the best characters in Suikoden 2, and she sinks to
this...

> “where is 
> Kotori?” asked Nanami as she literally flung Sun across the room. 
> Kotori looked up at Nanmi in disbelief. “YOU! … do you know w hat 

NeoVid: No. I have a hat, though.

>I have to say to YOU?” “Nooooooope….” Kotori quivered in fear/ 

Mark [Kotori, quivering]: Y-you haven't s-said anything y-yet.

>“You 
> hate my brother…. You have been acting like an absolute b**** [Nanmi 
> didn’t put the stars there by the way]

NeoVid [McMahon]: It was me, Austin! It was me!
Mark [Rikishi]: I placed those stars there, Austin!
Skrib [HHH]: You never saw it coming, did you? I did it!

> ….AND, you are possessive as 
> hell…PLUS you act like an absolute chicken around me….” “Soooo…..?” 
> Kotori smashes herself to the wall. “I want you to join my entourage… 
> be number four or so.” 

NeoVid [VO voice]: "Nanami joins entourage."
(The Shining Force joining theme suddenly plays.)
Jonatan [over intercom]: Sorry, couldn't resist.

>“really?” “I don’t repeat myself…follow me…” 
> With this Nanami turned to leave…closely followed by a VERY happy 
> Kotori. 

Ranma X: Aww, how cute! Nanami has a new pet!
Zeek [Kotori, happily]: Woof!

>“What the hell? Koto! KI can’t do an interview by 
> myself!!!!!” Poor Sun’s cries were to no avail…they were gone….

NeoVid [Sun]: My cries... they're gone... and I'll never get them back.

>Sun looked panicked…”must think, must think…must get calm…coordinated 
> [she trips and falls on a coffee table, effectively breaking it…

NeoVid: KOTORI! GET THE TABLE!

>then 
> she gets a revelation]….MY pills!!!”

Zeek: This message brought to you by the Organization for Safe Sex.

> with these words two calming 
> pills are drowned by Sun…

Mark: Those poor, poor pills.
Skrib [Sun, gangster]: ...so, youse pills won't squeal, ey? Into the drink
with them, boys! 

>and she calms down… it is then that there is 
> a knock on the door, and Sun with new found confidence opens the door 
> to find…Touga…. 

NeoVid: Touga! Touga!

>What will sun do will she scream? Yell? Throw a 

Mark: --HE grenade? (Smacks self.)
Skrib: Stop playing Counterstrike, kabayan. It's getting to you.
Mark: (nodding) I know, I know.

>fit? 
> A tantrum? Challenge him to a duel? Or cleave pieces of him off with 
> a saw? NO none of these, she simply stares at him. 

Ranma X: All those great plot points going to waste... (sighs)

>“I’m here about an 
> interview” Sun continues to stare at Touga, he obviously used to such 
> attention takes no notice, he is, after all, here on a mission. 

Skrib [Touga]: To protect the world from devastation!
S.D. [Touga]: To screw around without protection!

>“You are Touga, right?” Asks sun in the least formal way possible. “Some 
> would say that yes.”

Mark [Touga]: ...Those people are fools!

> Touga takes it all in stride. He sits down on 
> one of the chairs in the room. “You are so damn pretty.” 

NeoVid [Sun]: But I'll fix that! Where's my crowbar...

>Says sun 
> leaning on the fireplace…yes there IS a fireplace. 

All: Reeeaaally now?

>“it’s too bad that 
> you screw everybody for power…then you might have been 
> interesting…you have the hair…an the height…and the smoothness…and 
> manner….sigh…to think that lowly lil you COULD have been Jaden….

S.D.: ...Jaden? Who is Jaden?
(Others look at S.D.)
NeoVid: This bodes ill if S.D. hasn't heard of the character.
(Others nod.)

> Oh well… No matter what Akio told you , you are so not screwing me for 
> power. 

Skrib [Sun]: I screw for love and the nookie! (giggles)

>Oh and Kotori loves your sister, so you MIGHT want to go and 
> stop things from happening.” Touga totally unabashed by all these 
> comments , strides up to Sun, “So?” he asks putting his hand on the 
> wall, 

Mark: ...which sued him for harassment.

>(you know like in the movies). Sun slips out and dives for the 
> phone…calling Kotori for the ~~~endth time that day. “KOTO HELP ME 
> YOUR DAMNED FORMULA IS WEARING OFF!!!” “Hell…owowowowowo…stop 
> screaming…there is another bottle hidden in the banana in the 
> fridge…CLICK” 

Zeek [Kotori]: Heh, fooled her into thinking I hung up... whoops, phone's
still on.

>Sun turns to Akio

Ranma X: Hey, S.D., she's stealing your schtick.

> “one moment please!” with that she 
> bolts from the room and into the kitchen, leaving a very confused 
> Touga. 

Mark [Touga, dumbish]: Duh! Which way did she go? Which way did she go?

>In the other room, the kitchen to be precise, Sun, slams open 
> the fridge door, to find…ah yes…Chuchu had redecorated the 
> fridge…there was approximately 6500 bananas in that fridge. 

Zeek: The narrator is too obsessed with numbers.
Skrib: They hired a CPA to narrate?

>Touga calmly walks in calmly, on seeing some hot tee on the counter he 
> begins to gracefully sip it. 

Mark: How can you drink a shirt?

>“I there a particular reason that the 
> entire fridge, is filled with a multitude of bananas?” “ER….yes….but 
> it is a secret.” 

NeoVid [Xellos]: I knew it would be a catchphrase someday.

>With these words sun begins to open every banana 
> that she can lay her hands on, throwing the peels around the room, 
> non of which hit Touga, of course <damn>.

Zeek: It wasn't like she was *aiming* or anything.

> On the other side of the school, Kotori sits rather miffed. You see 
> she cannot figure out why Nanami had led her to this little room, and 
> left her alone in it. 

Skrib [Alielle]: Waaah! Nanami is so mean! Why doesn't she want to play?

>And then she was enlightened.

NeoVid [Kotori]: Yeah... I see it now... we're actually in a work of
fiction that doesn't deserve to exist.

> A figure entered 
> the room, backwards, 

Mark: If a person enters the room backwards, did he exit it?

>but entered anyway. 

Mark: ...I suppose not.

>His long red hair was 
> visible, as well as the back of his Student’s council outfit. “Touga? 
> Aren’t you with Sun?” 

Zeek [Touga]: You mean, this isn't the Tendo Dojo?

>“No…” said he. Kotori, Not being an idiot, 

Ranma X: Until now, at least.

>and 
> having much experience with anime characters (after stalking 
> multitudes of them for the past 18 years of her happy life) realized 
> that Touga had suddenly become a LOT shorter… 

Skrib: Touga's been chibified!
All: KAWAII!!!

>and his uniform, 
> instead of fitting him appropriately rather hung around… “Touga?…what 
> a big uniform you have.” 

Skrib [not-Touga]: The better to get out of easily, my dear.

>“Touga” with his back still facing…or is 
> that backing…

S.D. [narrator]: Eh... whatever.

>Kotori just shrugs “it grew in the wash… like wool” 
> “Wool shrinks…” 

NeoVid [Draco]: Fire evaporates water, Water covers sand, Sand puts out
fire!

>“Well this is special wool” 

Mark [Screwy Squirrel]: See? Rubber.

>Kotori nods…then lightly 
> approaches the Touga. He flustered moves out of the way and quickly 
> ads “hey you wanna, you know?” 

Skrib: Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. (grins)

>Kotori looks at the Touga skeptically 
> “hell NO.” “Oh.” Says the Touga…who turns around to reveal 
> Nanami…Nanami? Yes Nanami had yet another of her devious plots... 

Mark [announcer]: ... who will save the dynamic duo avatars this time?
Will they end up as Nanami's slaves? Will Kotori, the Girl Blunder, say
"Oh" one more time? Tune in next week. Same SWAP4P time, same SWAP4P
channel!

> This one was to make sure that Kotori would NEVER go after Touga, 

NeoVid [Nanami]: From now on... she will go BEFORE Touga! AHAAAHAAAHAAA!

> thus she dressed up as him and attempted an impersonation. “Nanami?”

Skrib: Has your incestuousness imploded, turning into just narcissism?


> “OK, you have passed test number one…and the only test come to think 
> of it…You are now MY lackey!” With this Nanami triumphantly throws 
> her red wig in the air…this wig then lands unceremoniously on 
> Kotori’s head…. Nanami spins, and 

Ranma X: ...spins round and round until her head pops from the extreme
g-force.

>then comes face to face with…. 

Mark: Death?
S.D.: Death is too good for Nanami.

> “Oniiisama?” “No…” says Kotori… pulling off the wig. “Onisam? You 
> were Kotori? 

Mark [Shaggy]: No, it was old girl Kotori, all along!
NeoVid [Velma]: Jinkies!
Ranma X.[Scooby] R-row Raggy!

>And you didn’t tell me? Wait does that make you a girl? 
> And your hair is really the same color as mine! Therefore you really 
> are my onisama… you just wore that wig! 

NeoVid: Damn. I've having trouble thinking of riffs that are better than
what's already in here.

>I never noticed that you 
> looked so much like a girl…wait a min…. Does this make you my 
> sister?” Kotori looks taken aback… “But I’m Kotori” “Well yes I 
> realize this now!” “No I’ve always been Kotori” “…And that explains 
> why you and Kotori are never in the same room together!” 

Mark [Nanami]: ... no, wait a minute... Going by that logic, I'm Superman!
Ranma X.: Can I be Santa Claus then?

>“No you 
> don’t understand…I never was anyone else BUT Kotori!” 

Skrib [Kotori]: ...except for 3rd grade, but that's a doozy of a story.
Mark[Kotori]: And that time I dropped acid during that duel with Saionji
before Utena showed up.

>“Oh…don’t worry Onisamma,

Skrib: "Mr Monster"?
Mark: Shouldn't that be Oneesama?
S.D.: Maybe Onenisama...

> your secret is safe with me!” “But…but…but…wait you are not enraged? 

NeoVid [Fujin]: ENRAGE!

>I mean if I was really Touga, you wouldn’t care?” 

Zeek [Nanami]: Depends... do I get your room if you're lynched?

>“Well …see 
> Kotori isn’t that popular…she’s been snapping pictures of just about 
> every person on this planet…soooo…I have you ALL to MYSELF!”

NeoVid [Fujin]: FORESHADOWING!

> “Neep!” 
> with this Kotori realizes that she shall never have Jury with 
> overprotective Nanami all over her 

Ranma X [Nanami as Dredd]: There is no need for a Jury, I AM the Jury!

>“…. I need to explain…Nanami!” 
> Thus she begins the prolonged explanation to a very dense and 
> unwilling to listen Nanami.
> 
> -----------------------

NeoVid: Don't dash out like that!

> 
> And it continues some more..... Back in the kitchen the entire floor 
> is covered with banana peels and a whole pile of massacred bananas 

Ranma X.: Along with Chu-Chu, who died of diabetic shock.
Mark: Killing a person is homicide, right?
Skrib: Yeah, so?
Mark: What do you call killing a banana?
S.D.: Eating lunch.

> grows steadily top Sun’s right. To her left Touga continues to 
> drink…another cup of tea with poise and elegance…that is until a 
> banana peel lands in it. 

S.D. [Touga]: Waiter! I specifically asked for lemon in my tea, not a
banana. Take it back! (Muttering to herself) Barbarians...

>With this Touga is forced to unceremoniously 
> remove the banana. 

NeoVid: EW! Zip back up!

>He looks up at Sun. “Explain to me, again, why you 
> are doing this.” “It is a secret.” 

Zeek: Cameo by Xellos.

>“I don’t suppose that you would be 
> interested in a more interesting activity… to take up the time that 
> you are spending with these bananas…?” “No…. No thank you… 

NeoVid [Sun]: The bananas are pretty darn interesting!
Mark [Touga]: Well, that's a low blow to my ego.

>I will 
> continue looking through these bananas.” Touga raises an eyebrow, 

NeoVid [Touga as the Rock]: You want the Touga to put that banana up your
candy ass?

>and walks over to Sun… and begins to play with the back of her uniform. 

Skrib: Oh, yeah. Here's where the fun starts. (smirks)

> Sun freezes…she had not come thus far to sleep with Touga. 

Zeek: She has first to realize her dream of becoming a blacksmith.

>She stretched herself to her full height… 

(Skrib shivers.)
Mark: What's up?
Skrib: I just remembered the Titan Bunny.

>therefore she is almost eye 
> level with Touga. “Listen to me…no one…and I do mean NOONE makes a 
> come on to me until I AM FULL READY TO FLIRT…COMPRENDE?” 

Mark [Touga]: No, I only speak Japanese...

>she then 
> does a taikwando kick 

NeoVid [exact Kaphwan]: HANGETSUZAN!

>that sends Touga back against a counter…

NeoVid: Touga's using Alpha counters? How cheap!

>not 
> really hurt…well except for his pride, and perfect track record…

S.D. [Touga]: Well, damn thank you, Mr. Narrator for rubbing it in.
Skrib [narrator]: Don't mention it.

>but physically not much damage. Touga simply leans on the counter…he then 
> finds another mug of tea, and drinks that, absolutely resolved to 
> regain his composure.

Mark [narrator]: But then, the tea was too hot and he ended up jumping
around the kitchen sticking his tounge out.

> It is at this time that the door to the kitchen 
> is flung open and a frantic Kotori runs in…recall the banana peels?… 

Zeek: No, I'm trying to forget.

> she slips on one, and falls back against a counter, 

NeoVid: See? All Touga has to do is wait and block and Alpha Counter to
victory! It's so cheap!

>her back hitting 
> the handle of a frying pan… her back as the power, the counter edge 
> as a pivot, and the pan as a lever… one banana, is launched through 
> the air. 

Mark [Bill Nye]: Tomorrow, kids, we'll teach you how to make a banana
catapult... the right way.

>After travelling a projectile path that would make a Physics 
> teacher proud… 

Mark: I give it a 8.7.
S.D.: The trajectory's all wrong. I say 6.5.
Skrib: I give it a 7.8.
NeoVid: I agree with S.D. It's a 5.6 at most.
Ranma X: I kind of like the way it flew. 9.1.
Zeek: You're too generous. 7.1 at the most.
(Mark writes something down and takes out a calculator.)
Mark: The average is 7.4667. (Puts away the pad and calculator.)
(A beat.)
Zeek: Why did we just do that?
Mark: (shrugs) I don't know. Killing time?

>it lands in Touga’s mouth. 

Skrib: (Facepalms) The symbolism in this story reeks of lemon juice.

>He bites down on it, and 
> swallows, his face cringes up. “What the hell…this banana had some 
> sort of fluid in it.” 

NeoVid: Most of them do.

>He runs to the counter and proceeds to drink a 
> cup of water… then he sees his reflection in a spoon, he examines hit 
> tongue. “Why is my tongue purple?” 

NeoVid [Touga]: He said he had had a blood test recently!

>“KOTORI! THE FORMULA!!!!!!!” 

Mark [Kotori]: E=mc2!

> Kotori wakes up from her daze, and looks up “what formula…?” 

S.D. [Kotori]: We have a *test*?

>“The one 
> that Touga just drank…remember the one hidden in the banana you
launched!” 

Mark [Kotori, exact Homer]: D'oh!

>“Oh oh...” Touga looks around startled…he runs to the 
> mirror to check if anything is wrong… he looks carefully into it… “Oh 
> NO! 

Zeek [Touga]: My PERM!

>I’ve lost my MO JO!” 

NeoVid [exact Dr Evil]: No, I said AUSTIN POWERS' mojo! Can you give me a
bit of freakin' competence here?
Skrib: So Touga can't become Mojo Jojo. Big Deal.

>“Wow… Touga is absolutely unscrewable!” says 
> Sun in awe. “I deserve the Nobel peace prize for this!” Sun nods. 
> “NO! THIS CAN’T BE!” screams Touga in desperation “…It’s impos…” he 
> stops, and looks at his hands… his eyes as large as saucers… 

Mark [Touga]: I've been transformed into an anime character?

>“And about the same shape too” pipes in Kotori … He stares in disbelief… 
> his hands are “I’m MELTING, MELTING…I’LL GET YOU FOR 
> THIS!…HSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssss…”

Ranma X. [Touga as the Wicked Witch of the West]: What a world, what a
world whataworld....
Zeek: His hands screamed?
Skrib: I knew Utena was surreal, but this was *surreal*.

> With that nothing was left of the 
> former playboy except for 

NeoVid: --Our bad memories.

>a puddle on the floor the consistency of 
> flubber…except reddish, clear…see through…with air bubbles here and 
> there…it was kind of gloopy. 

Mark [Flubber Touga]: Oh, sure, ridicule me while I'm an incapacitated
blob, whydoncha?

>“Ummm… Kotori?” “Ummm…. I think we 
> better put him into something…so we don’t lose him…

Skrib [Kotori]: Let's sell him on e-Bay!
S.D.: I'm bidding.

>remember this stuff wears off…eventually.” 

All: Awww.

>Thus the two picked up the Touga-blob… 
> not very large (so much for the law of conservation of mass)

Mark [narrator]: We never believed in it anyway.

>…and stuffed it as ceremoniously as possible in a plastic mayonnaise 
> container…. They then took him out…

Mark & Skrib: o/~ One more time! Tsararan-raran! One more time!
Tsararan-raran! All we ask is one moooore time! o/~

>removed the mayonnaise…. Cleaned 
> the container…and replaced Touga into it. “Awwww... how cute! 

NeoVid [Sun]: He's all white and purple and... I suddenly have a craving
for a peanut butter and jelly.

>He looks like the picture perfect image of a happy glob!” “Touga-goo…” 

Ranma X. [Kotori]: Yes! He's going to be the newest Pokemon!

>I don’t think we should leave him in there…what if others wonder where 
> he went…?” asked an unhappy Sun. 

Zeek [Kotori]: We'll say he's moved to America to make Hollywood movies...
that's the ticket!

>“Oh they won’t notice…wait” Kotori 
> quickly grabbed some markers and a post-it. She then drew a badly 
> animated Touga onto the post-it…

NeoVid: Animated post-its... Cool!

>not able to resist she added a 
> mustache and beard (but that is beyond the point) 

Skrib: But they mentioned it anyway.

>they then glued 
> this picture to the side of the clear mayonnaise jar. 

Zeek: (sarcastically) Oh, so it's kind of like the missing posters on
milk cartons!
Ranma X. [Generic Announcer]: Have you seen this Bishounen? Please call
the missing Bishounen Hotline at...

>“See… looks 
> just like him!” says Kotori proudly…holding up…err…Touga. 
> “Yep…slime.”

Mark [Flubber Touga]: Oh, sure, talk like I'm not here, languishing in
this putrid smelling jar in blob-form.

> It is at this unfortunate instant that Akio walks into the kitchen 
> holding a pile of letters. 

Zeek [Akio]: (sorting envelopes) Junk, junk, junk, bill, bill, junk...
Oooh, coupons!

>He looks at the two females…the jar with 
> Touga’s picture on it…containing some sort of jelly. He glances at 
> the pink kitchen now utterly covered in bananas…he turns back to the 
> Ohtori uniform clad girls. 

Skrib: Wait a minute...
Mark: What?
Skrib: (Shakes head) Nothing, I just read wrong. I thought Akio was a
Transformer.
Ranma X: Well, he turns into a convertible, right?
(S.D. sighs.)

>“Tell you what…” he starts “lets adopt a 
> don’t ask…don’t tell…policy.” Kotori and Sun look at each other. 

Zeek: Shouldn't the sun not be too close to Touga? He could go bad.

> “What’s with all the letters?” asks Sun. “These are the complaints 
> bout both of you from the student body…

Skrib [Akio]: They're complaining about their characterization in this
fanfic.
S.D.: As if...

> the complaints for the past…” 
> Akio checks his watch 

Mark [Akio]: That's weird. It's a day late.

>“…30 minutes, to be exact… you see no one wants 
> you living within these dorms.” 

Ranma X [Akio]: Dying within it... well, that's another matter entirely.

>Akio takes a VERY deep breath 

Skrib [Akio]: If you don't leave, I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll
blooooooww your house down.

>“…So…I think I need

NeoVid: Nookie?

> a drink…so…you are both to stay in the tower with Anthy, 
> Utena, Nanami (if she hasn’t already left)…and….and…. Myself.” 

Skrib [Akio]: Not that I planned it like that or anything...

> “NANAMI?” screamed Sun “what are we going to tell Nanami! You know 
> how much she loved Touga!” 

Zeek [Kotori]: Ummm... Touga left her here while he goes to America to
make Hollywood movies?
S.D. [Sun]: ... yeah, right. 

>“Oh don’t worry. …I’ve got that part 
> covered”. 

NeoVid [Akio]: Um, he'll still be 'all over you,' but...

>o 0 (I guess she didn’t manage to convince her) 
> “Loved…excuse me?” Akio looks form Sun, to Koto, and back to Sun 
> “where IS Touga?” 

Zeek [Kotori]: Ummm... he went to America to make Hollywood movies?
Skrib [Akio]: ... umm, riiight.

>Kotori outstretches her arms…in which he holds the 
> jar. Akio takes a VERY deep breath…counts to ten…

S.D.: But halfway through, she lost count.

>and nods…he then 
> lets the letters fall to the floor. He turns to leave. “You both are 
> to report to the tower... at nine tonight…sigh…be there, unless you 
> are dead in which case it is ok if you remain so.”

Skrib: Remember, kids, Dios says it's okay to be dead!
Mark: (groaning) I can sense the parent groups complaining now.

> He then leaves. 
> “Koto, do you think we are giving him a nervous breakdown?” Kotori 
> shrugs, and puts the Touga-blob into the fridge.

Mark [Flubber Touga]: Oh, sure, like don't give me a frickin' coat or
anything. I'm sure I'll be *warm* inside this fridge.

> -------------------------
> 

Skrib: To anyone interested in owning a piece of Touga, please sign on the
dotted line. Bottled Touga(TM). Comes in economy, family, and bosun jars.
[S.D. points a finger at the line and the words, "S.D. Ryukage" and "BSHB
ML" appear on it in silver cursive.]

> Ah yes, how long has it been since pauvre Akio had the two move into 
> his tower? A day? A week? 

Zeek: Does anyone care?

>Well actually 5 days, and already he is 
> beginning to adapt…

NeoVid: He's developed a longer neck, and a third eye...
Skrib: He actually managed to last that long without sending the inept duo
to a Duel? That's a new record. 

>SO THAT is how he managed to remain alive so 
> long…I GET IT…

Skrib: Good for you.
Mark: But we don't get it. 

> anyway that particular day the sun was shining 
> brilliantly into the tower, 

Zeek: When on most days, it shines stupidly into the tower.
Ranma X.[Sun]: DUhhh..I'm ams de shineey Sun!

>illuminating the surroundings, and 
> overall being of the cheerful sort. 

Skrib: But when the sun's not cheerful, watch out!
NeoVid [Sun]: Ooooo... I'm having such a bad corona day! Oooh...

>Akio walks into the tower, he 
> considers going up the elevator, but decides that the steps are FAR 
> better for his figure, 

Ranma X: After he throws himself down them, he'll be able to bend his
figure in any shape he wants.

>thus he runs up the staircase until her 
> reaches a room near the top… it is here that the

S.D.: --Duel called Revolution will be fought.
Ranma X.: Not the mention the odd amounts of cars, desks, ouitlines of
bodies, milkshakes, birds, chocolate bars...
Mark: That's one crowded duel arena.
Zeek: I hope you don't mean that stupid game where you had to save the
bands...

> misfits share space 
> with him. Without a moment of hesitation he turns the handle and 
> opens the door. Calmly sliding through 

Mark [Quinn]: Remy, Professor, Wade... Did you guys see someone steal our
sliding device?
Ranma X.[Quinn's "brother"] Hey bro!
Mark [Quinn]: Ahh! Kill him!

>the door, he avoids stepping 
> on the exhausted body on the floor…it was trying to tear the door 
> down, and escape. 

NeoVid [body]: No... no more MSTings...

>He then strides down toward the middle of his 
> living room, bypassing a large blob of pink goop, currently engulfing 
> a struggling Chuchu. 

[Ranma X. mimics 70's porn music]
Skrib: But for some reason, he wasn't struggling very hard...
S.D.: (abruptly turns several interesting shades of green and smacks Skrib
in the head with the hilt of the Masamune) I did *not* need to remember
that 'Special' picture.
Mark: (Turning green himself) Gah. 
Skrib: ^_^
Zeek: Let me guess, I don't want to ask... AND DON'T TELL ME!

>As he walks on he stretches his hand up in 
> order to grab an apple from the fruit bowl that is hanging upside 
> down from the ceiling. 

Mark: And that, folks, is what happens when you hire a surrealistic
interior decorator. 

>He bites into the apple and is about to sit 
> down on the couch when he sees that two females are “busy” on it.

NeoVid: Finally!
S.D.: (chanting, like a mantra) Please say it's Juri/Shiori, please say
it's Juri/Shiori...I'll even settle for Juri/Utena... (ALL but Ranma X.
give her odd looks)
Ranma X.: Nahh, I want some jungle fevah action! Go Anthy! Go Utena![is
knocked unconscious by S.D.]

> Thus, he shrugs, thoughtfully chewing his apple, and picks up one of 
> the magazines on the coffee table. On the magazine is a picture of 
> Shiory with naught to wear, 

NeoVid: ...I wish this fic would stop riffing for me.

>he flips through it...on finding a couple 
> of articles on himself, 

Mark [Akio]: Hey, now! I didn't know I dated Monica Lewinsky.

>he considers reading...but it is a nice day, 
> and the migraine had just disappeared, and 

S.D.: --if he thought about his life, it'd come back.

>he would like to keep all 
> thus, so he puts down the Ohtori Bunnies magazine and decides to 

NeoVid: ...be a lumberjack.
Mark, Skrib, NeoVid: o/~ He's a lumberjack and he's okay! He cuts down
trees and works all day! o/~
Skrib: Great, Akio is going to crossdress now? 

> stroll to the observatory. He glides through a huge puddle of blue goop, 

Skrib: Be glad it was blue.
All: Slip and slide! Wooo!

>and finds himself looking at a black rose

S.D.: Mikage... (eyes glaze over again)
Mark: Oh. I thought Kodachi was making a crossover.
Ranma X.[Announcer voice]: Yes, our favorite pedophillic, delusional,
non-existant duellist is back! And boy is he pissed off!

> chair with a 4-foot 
> stack of pictures on it. 

Zeek: So much for him putting down that magazine.

> He picks the one off the top, and finds out 

Skrib [Akio]: "Reader's Digest"? Me-dammit, who ordered this
subscription?!? 

> where the magazine spread had come from…he flips 

Ranma X: --and spent the rest of his life locked up in an asylum.
Zeek: An asylum with rose gardens, though.

>through some of the 
> pictures, before simply taking a handful, 

NeoVid [pictures]: Take me now!
S.D. [Akio]: I've never done it with a picture... (searches) Here, picture
picture picture...

>and walking out the door, 
> up the stairs, and to the observatory. He opens the door to the room, 
> and walks in, still sorting through the photo’s, 

Zeek [Akio]: Red eyes, red eyes, ghost behind the third man, Cindy
Crawford... (Mimics holding a magazine sideways and unfolding centerfold)
Sumo wrestler in fuku--ARRRGGHH! (Mimics dropping magazine)

>it is then that he 
> hears two females arguing he looks up. “SUNDAY!” hollers Nanami on 
> top of her lungs “…it STILL isn’t working!” 

Mark: These days of the week just aren't made like they used to be.

>“For 

NeoVid: --Great Justice!
Zeek: NeoVid, It's dead, now don't do that again.

>parsley’s sake, have 
> you turned it on?” “YES!” 

Mark [Austin Powers]: Yes! Yes! No! No!
Skrib [Austin Powers]: Do I turn you on, baby?

>verifies Nanami proudly. “Well then what is 
> wrong?” 

Ranma X.[Nanami]: Besides this whole story?
Skrib [cameraman]: Low battery. 

> “There is this HUGE gap, where some stars would be!” 

Zeek: Inside her head.

>“Oh so 
> there is a big black hole there?” “It is a black hole!” “It is a 
> black hole?” “It is?” “Huh?” “I discovered a black hole!” 

Zeek [Sunday]: Why do you have mirrors angled to look in your ear?
NeoVid [Nanami]: I just pulled down my-- (gets smacked)

>“Nanami? 
> Are you sure?” “YES! Look… there is a black hole!” 

Ranma X: If those characters don't shut up, I'm going to shove *them* into
a black hole.

>“Uh-huh...You know 
> that they name any new discoveries after the discoverer…or name them 
> what ever the discoverer wants them to be named.” 

Mark [Sun]: I shall name it George!
NeoVid [Matsuro]: I thought Horse Fucker Gigantic would be cooler.

>“ONIIIISAMA 
> KOTORI!” screams Nanami and with these words she grabs her portable 
> phone and calls the astronomy agency. “Hello? Is this the astronomy 
> agency?

Skrib [Alfred]: Er... I'm afraid it isn't, madam.
Mark [Batman]: Trace the call, Alfred. I'll take care of her later.

> I would like to report the onisama-kotori black hole!…. YES I 
> NANAMI Kiryuu 

NeoVid: I NANAMI Kiryuu all the time.

>have discovered a black hole…. Well yes…you may get a 
> scientist to talk to me…. [Covers mouthpiece with hand, and looks at 
> Sun]…

Zeek [Nanami, hissing]: (Mimics holding mouthpiece with hand) It's those
damn Dudleys next door and they're inviting us over for dinner again! Give
me a believable reason not to go.

>they are having an important scientist talk to me!…[uncovers 
> phone and speaks into it]…yes….umm…by Venus….

Ranma X [scientist on phone]: If it was by Venus, why are you taking
credit for it?

>I don’t know…..I don’t 
> know…. Do I SOUND LIKE A MATHEAMTICIAN?….

Mark [on phone]: Uh... I don't know. What's a matheamtician?

>I dunno………..” Akio sighs and 
> walks beside the projector, he takes off a lens cap

Zeek: He'd been running into things with his lenscap on.

> and continues 
> walking, he steps over a 10 foot pile of biology books…

ALL: ...
Mark: Well, he's gotten taller.

>from a biology 
> book leak in the ceiling…

Zeek: Books are created by osmosis?
Ranma X.: That's the problem when you live on the penthouse suite of a 500
foot tower. You just can't get a good roofer.


> and continues to walk…in the background 
> hearing Nanami’s screams: “It disappeared…well there was nothing 
> there before so it appeared…but now IT is gone…

NeoVid [Nanami]: I've lost my favorite Stephen King novel!

>it DISAPEARED…oh shut 
> up…[click]” Akio shrugged, and walked into his room, closing behind 
> him the door.
> 
> Ah yes another typical, walking through the house day at Akio’s 
> tower.

Ranma X.: No it isn't. He's not having sex with anything!
Skrib: Which sounds exactly like a day in my lair. Wanna visit? 
S.D.: Naah, I think I'll pass that invite. 
Mark: Ditto.

> After finishing with the photos and his apple, Akio once again 
> emerges into the open, 

NeoVid [Akio]: I have to be free! FREE!

>and decides to see if dumb and really dumb

S.D.: (looks up) They're *still* riffing for us.
Jonatan [over intercom]: And you *still* can't go.

> have managed to destroy any more of his valuable assets yet….”just 
> like owning a herd puppies’, 

Zeek: Since when do they herd puppies?
NeoVid: You've never seen Puppy Milk(TM)?

>he thinks to himself as he continues 
> walking…all in all the observatory is cleaned up… so with new found 
> hope, Akio walks into his living room, to find a mess worse then ever 
> before…

Mark: And now the role of Akio will be played by Kasumi Tendo.

>his hopes dashed, he wades through the unidentified pink gloop 

Zeek: Wasn't it blue a bit ago?
Ranma X: I wasn't paying attention.

> that is now absolutely taking over the entire living room… he 
> sighs…strangely enough, the only thing that has been keeping the 
> gloop from filling the room to the brim was a missing window…yet 
> another mystery. 

Mark: The window was taken by... (cool sound effects) the window washer!
Skrib: I still think the butler did it.

>Akio sighs, and walks up to the first door…he opens 
> it, and his eyes almost pop out of his head…

Ranma X: He was hit with a laser that almost made his head explode.

>it is absolutely 
> spotless…even the carpet reflects his reflection. 

S.D.: Another surprise since a carpet shouldn't be able to *reflect*
anything.
Mark: Maybe it was actually linoleum?

>He is about to step 
> in when out of nowhere Sun runs in, she begins to vacuum him, 

NeoVid [Akio]: ...Suck harder.

>and when apparently finished she pulls him into the room. “DON”T EVER TRY 
> TO RUIN MY WORK!” 

Skrib: Weirdest pre-makeout line I ever saw.
NeoVid: I thought she'd say something else after pulling him into her room.

>Akio yawns…and then gets a good look at what Sun is 
> wearing….female clothing…like a female…and heels…and her hair is down 
> and curled not in odangos. Akio does a double 

Mark: ... backflip followed by a handspring into a 360?

>take…. “why are you 
> dressed up like that?” 

Zeek: Another of life's greatest mysteries, why do girls dress like
girls...
Mark: You prefer they dress up like guys? I certainly don't.

>“oh…you like? I invited Ruka for an 
> interview…need to look pretty…or at least passable as a human being.” 

Mark: Isn't having a heartbeat and standing erect on hind legs passable as
a human being?

> “isn’t Ruka dead?” 

Ranma X.[Akio]: It's okay in my book!
S.D.: (quoting) "Death is a *relative* thing."
Skrib: How can you be relatively dead?!
S.D.: You want the list?

> “well….no…. not since the shower…Kotori…Jury…the 
> candles…and powerful friends like Jaden…

S.D.: I still want to know who Jaden is.
Skrib: "Powerful friends", S.D. You probably _don't_ wanna meet people
like them. 
[Everyone else nervously coughs.] 

> nope not dead at all…well 
> anymore. Akio nods…”it figures.” He says under his breath…he is used 
> to these things…

Zeek [Akio, thinking]: They always do this every Thursday. It's like they
have a fixed schedule or something.

>he then stands to leave. “By the way…have you seen 
> Kotori?” “Per say?” “Huh...no I mean have you seen her?” Then as if 
> on cue…

Mark: Someone yelled "CUT!" and the scene ended.
Ranma X: I wish.

>or rather on cue, as this is a story and as such the writer is 
> allowed to do whatever her little heart desires…

Ranma X.: NO! NO SHE ISN'T!
NeoVid [author]: (Flexing forearm) No one can defeat my Authoryu! I am
MIGHTY!

>thus on cue, Kotori 
> jumps into the room wearing pants…and an undershirt…
her hair an 
> absolute mess… 

Skrib: (grinning) Well, we don't care much if her hair's a mess.
(Mark and NeoVid nod.)

>“As I was saying…per say…no…she was hidden beneath 
> someone…” Akio raises an eyebrow. Kotori oblivious to all,

Zeek: --normal thoughts that define humanity...

> bounces into the room “happy, happy…

Mark: o/~...joy, joy!o/~
(A beat.)
Mark: (Slaps himself) Damn, that song sticks to your head!

>HAPPY!” “Koto, when did you get a uniform 
> that matches Juries…?” “She didn’t” says Akio solemnly. 

Zeek [Akio]: It's *mine*.
Ranma X.[Akio]: Who do you think has to subsidize these damn
French-looking things, huh?

>“Does Jury know that you are borrowing it 

Skrib: (Watches S.D. nervously) Uh, oh. This is bad. 
S.D.: What? 
Skrib: If the authors were implying what I think they're implying... 


> Kotori nods happily bouncing around the 
> room. 

NeoVid: ...on her head?
Skrib: *BOING, BOING, BOING*
Zeek: More like Thud, Thud, Thud.

>From the far off living room , 
> one sole cry is heard… 

(Mark does the Tarzan jungle cry.) 

>“Kotori I want 
> my bra and pants back…

S.D. [narrator]: ...said Akio.
Mark: o/~He likes to wear women's clothing, suspendies and a bra! o/~
Zeek: Suspendies? ...and a...a bra?
(Mark gives Zeek a "You're weird" look.)
Mark: Someone actually doesn't know that reference?
(Zeek returns the "You're weird" look.)
Zeek: Of course I do.
Mark: Oh.
(Mark gives back Zeek's "You're weird" look. Zeek returns Mark's "You're
weird" look.)
Mark: There. We're even.
(A beat.)
Zeek: What the hell did we just do?

>and while your at 
> it give back my undershirt, I can’t fit 
> into your uniform…

Skrib [Juri]: ...it has no armholes. 

>no wait…here we go.” 
> Jury then walks into the room wearing a 
> uniform that is clearly too small on 
> her.

Skrib: And this is bad, how?
(Ranma X. lightly taps him with the spatula as a warning gesture.)

> “Kotori..” she says exasperatedly 
> “I can hardly breathe in this 
> outfit…give back my clothing...”

Zeek: Osmosis strikes again. 

> “Umm…Jury….why are you wearing Kotori’s 
> outfit.” 

NeoVid [Juri]: It's just a comfort thing!! How many times do I have to
tell you?

>Jury shoots Sunday

Ranma X.: No, not my one day of rest! Dammit, why couldn't you burn
Tuesday or something?
Zeek: Not to mention the millions of Christians who will get pissed.

> a look of 
> disgust. “why do you think…

NeoVid [Juri]: ...Bush won the election?
Mark [Juri]: ...the US still keeps meddling in the affairs of third-world
countries?
S.D. [Juri]: ...the government is screwing taxpayers with new taxes?
Skrib [Juri]: ...the Dalai Lama is still an influential person?
(A beat)
Zeek [Sunday]: ...I knew I shouldn't have signed up for Political Currents.

>she won’t 
> give back my clothing…” “Why does she 
> have it?” 

NeoVid: All women have one of those. Didn't you get a sex ed class?

>The look of disgust turns 
> into a look of amazement 

Skrib: In a few more weeks, it turned into a beautiful butterfly!

>“you mean you 
> have been able to know Kotori for how 
> long and her mind hasn’t wore on you?”

Ranma X [Sunday]: What mind?
Skrib [Sunday]: And what is there to wear? 

> How does one put it?…ah yes…Sun has an 
> enlightenment: 

NeoVid [Fujin]: ENLIGHTENMENT!
Skrib [Haohmaru]: ENLIGHTENMENT!
Mark: o/~ I saw the Sun! I opened up my eyes and saw the Sun! o/~
Zeek: The stupid sun, though...

>“oh….OH!” Sundays eyes 
> grow wide… 

Skrib: Only her eyes? Darn.
Mark [Sun's eyes]: Darn! I'm packing on weight.

>she jumps up and starts 
> shaking Kotori’s hand 
> vigorously…Kotori’s beamingness get 
> greater until it is hard to look at her 
> without sunglasses…

(ALL take out sunglasses and wear them.)
(The Men In Black theme song starts playing in the background.)

>”Congratulations…dear girl I 
> knew you could do it!” Kotori continues 
> to beam Akio

Skrib: Akio, unsurprisingly enough, doesn't mind.

> leans over and flicks the 
> switch Kotori’s beamingness

[S.D. produces a notepad and writes something down]
Mark: What're you writing?
S.D.: I'm starting a list of words not found in the dictionary. This is a
good source.
Zeek: While your at it, tell me what I missed in between beams and
whatever just happened.
S.D.: "Kotori continues to beam. Akio leans over and flicks a switch.
Kotori's beamingness--"
Skrib: ...

> flickers 
> and turns off…leaving a disgruntled 
> Kotori. 

Ranma X: ...she later came back and bombed the factory for laying her off.

>“Why did you do that?” Akio 
> shrugs “it was getting to me.” 

Skrib [Akio]: For some reason, it's turning me on. 

> Jury 
> clears her throat in a melodramatic 
> way. 

NeoVid [Jury]: *AHEM!* (Thunder rolls, and the sun goes out.)
Mark: (whispering to himself) I didn't know this theater had great
acoustics.

>“my clothing?” Kotori gets a huge 
> grin on her face… “lets go to my room 
> and switch.” Kotori raises an eyebrow. 

Zeek: But it wasn't her eyebrow!
Skrib: Ew, shemale...

> Jury raises an eyebrow…Akio raises an 
> eyebrow, 

NeoVid [Auctioneer]: ...andwehaveanothereyebrowwho'sgoingtoraisemetwo
eyebrowsYESwehaveabidfromthegentlemanwiththepinkundies...

>sun trips on a heel and falls 
> on her face. 

Mark: o/~ One of these things doesn't belong with the others. One of these
things just doesn't belong. o/~

>Jury shrugs and allows 
> herself to be pulled out of the room. 
> Akio grabs Jury’s hand and pulls her 
> back in…

Skrib: Copping a feel along the way. 
(Ranma X mimes aiming his spatula along Skrib's neck.) 

> he looks at her face intently. 
> “are you drugged” Jury’s frowns. “no.” 

Ranma X [Juri, slurring]: I...fine...I'm not drrrrrunnnk.

> she replies coolly. “are you going 
> through some sort of emotional 
> turmoil?” “no…” 

Mark [Akio]: (mimics taking out a list and reading) Have you or any of
your family been a victim of cancer, heart disease, cholera, the bubonic
plague, Alzheimer's disease, the cooties, the Ebola virus, AIDS, H-fever,
megalomania or have ever been under any medical plan?
Zeek [Juri]: Ummm... no?

>“are you sure…I mean 
> after having to live with these two I 
> nearly slept with Nanami…

Ranma X.: AH! You poor thing!
S.D.: Strangely enough, Nanami's about the only major character that fans
are fairly sure Akio *hasn't* screwed with. (A beat) In the physical
sense, anyway.

> so that may 
> explain why….” “NO.” “THEN WHY IN DIOS’ 
> NAME DID YOU DO THAT 
>WITH KOTORI 

Skrib [Juri]: ...um, she paid me?

>YOU 
> CAN’T BE SERIOUS!” 

NeoVid [Juri]: No, I'm Juri.
(Others make booing and hissing noises.)
NeoVid: (grinning) All right, all right, so that joke was old.

>I know why!” pipes 
> in Sun, who was feeling left out. Akio 
> and Jury look at the pathetic creature. 

S.D.: (shouts at the ceiling) Look! The authors do a better job of riffing
themselves than we could!
Jonatan [over intercom]: No dice. You still can't leave.
(ALL grumble.)
Ranma X.: Akio decides that murder won't be illegal for the time being, as
he pulls out a sword and kills Sun.
Mark: Wow, talk about dark. 
S.D.: No, dark is when we get to the ritual disembowelment.
Skrib: Does it involve tweezers, a red-hot poker, and lots and lots of
duct tape? ^_^

> ‘why?” “you know how in magazines they 
> have those lil cards…every second 
> page?…and they are soooo annoying?”

Zeek: Yeah, I know. 
(Zeek pulls out a magazine and dumps 3 times it's size of cards out.)

> Akio and Jury look at each other, then 
> back at Sunday…

Mark [Akio]: What are you on?
Skrib [Juri]: And where can we get some?

>they nod… “well you see, 
> the magazines figure that after saying 
> no to the damned cards 50 

NeoVid [Jinsaku Nagaoka]: 50. Goddamn. Points. Of. Damage.

>billion 
> times, you’ll one day crack and say 
> yes…it’s called the Kotori dating 
> system!” 

ALL: Patent pending.

>“the what?” 

Mark: Well, in this story, it's where everyone ends up with the worst
person possible.

>everyone turns to 
> see a very ANGRY Kotori at the door…one 
> of her eyebrows twitching violently 

Skrib [bystander]: Look out! Her eyebrow's having an epileptic seizure!
NeoVid [bystander]: Call the paramedics!
Mark [Bugs Bunny, panicky]: Quick! Is there a doctor in the house?!
S.D. [doctor]: I'm a doctor.
Mark [Bugs Bunny, calm]: Nyaaah! What's up, doc?

>and 
> her hand clamping and unclamping. “oh 
> oh…Sun Sun made a booboo…” 

NeoVid: Yech. Buy some Depends, willya?

>with this 
> sun slips behind Jury…not an effective 
> hiding place as she is taller then 
> her…oh well… “I made another 

NeoVid: What did I just say?

>bad 
> example.” Akio nods . o 0 (oh good…now 
> they’ll kill each other…and I needn’t 
> do a thing.”

NeoVid: . o 0 (Hey, we can see his thought bubbles!)
Zeek: . o 0 (Maybe we can influence it so they all die.)
Ranma X: . o O (Hehehe. What a nice thought. The fic's characters dying
slowly and painfully.)
S.D.: . o 0 (Not everyone. Just the Avatars.)
Mark: . o O (I got an itch in my...)
(Others stare at Mark.)
Mark: . o O (Oh, uh. Did I just think that out loud?)
Skrib: . o O (...) 

> Jury rolls her eyes 

Mark [banker]: Sorry, snake eyes.
Zeek: Craps.

>“…that 
> wasn’t quite it.” Kotori nods furiously 
> in agreement…she stops…she looks vexed… 

Skrib: Oooh, big words. 
S.D.: Not really. "Vexed" is less than three syllables. 
Skrib: Damn. 

> “quite?” Jury rolls her eyes again.. 

Mark [banker]: Six, banker wins.
Ranma X [Juri]: Dammit!

> “you see…she is kind of adorable...in 
> the Shiory kind of way…”

S.D.: If you think a goat is adorable.
Skrib: I happen to like goats... Especially seasoned with potatoes and
carrots. 

> “HOW DARE 
> YOU!” screams out Sun “insulting my 
> friend…YOU R SO MEAN!…

Mark [Juri, on Instant Messenger]: OMG that is so wrong!
(Skrib takes out a cellphone and starts using SMS.)

> no wait, you like 
> Shiori don’t you…hehe…go on.” “that was 
> it.” “wow, you think of me like you do 
> Shiori?” “well no… not quite….” 
> “oh…[sniff]…” Jury not willing to have 
> her plan for the evening destroyed by 
> the slip decides to go for the next 
> best thing. “you are Kozue like…

S.D.: So she's effectively a female Akio who prefers her twin brother, and
then pulls a sword out of his chest. (A beat) And almost makes out with
Anthy. But that was in the Car.

> but 
> more permanent...ehem…” Kotori gets 
> starry eyed. Sun makes gagging 
> movements

S.D.: As do the audience.
(ALL make gagging movements.)

> Akio rolls his eyes.

Mark [banker]: Eleven, player wins.
Ranma X [Juri]: H-how?
Skrib [Akio]: Well, I am Dios, aren't I?
Ranma X [Juri]: Dammit!

> “R-eally?” says an euphoric Kotori Jury 
> smiles Sun makes gagging noises. Akio 
> wins a marathon in eye rolling. 

All [monotone]: Yay.

>With 
> this a very happy Kotori, and a 
> slightly tiered Jury

NeoVid: Class, here you can see the multiple layers that the artisans
thought would set off Juri nicely...

> leave the room… 
> “where do you get all the energy?” Jury 
> is heard saying as they walk away down 
> the hall.

S.D.: Chocolate-coated coffee beans, with a cup or two of pure sugar.

> “well that was interesting.” 

Zeek: No... it... wasn't.

> Says Akio…he realizes that he is getting the 
> cheap meager lines of this fic so he 
> decides to leave…

Skrib: ...but not permanently as the authors have him on contract.
Mark [Akio]: Nooooooooooooo!

>Sun is left all to 
> herself…well at least Ruka is supposed 
> to show up…

Ranma X.: Well if he doesn't die on the way over, anyways.

>
> by the door from the stairs a very 
> tiered Miki

NeoVid: *ahem* And here we see where the artists went completely overboard
on the layered look...

> gets up…the last thing he 
> can remember is coming to the tower to 
> look for Jury…then on finding her 
> ‘busy’ 

Skrib: Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

>screaming in horror, running 
> toward the door, nearly getting 
> consumed by the blob of gelatinous pink 

Zeek: I thought it was blue at first.
S.D.: Shouldn't that be red? It was Touga, not Utena... (pauses, musing)
Although that explains why it's trying to eat Miki...
(Long pause. Ranma X and Zeek turn several different shades of green.
S.D., Skrib, and NeoVid smirk.)
Mark: ...I didn't get it.

> stuff…

Zeek: That's what happens when marshmallows stay in the shelf for too
long. True story.

>after clawing himself out he 
> remembers trying to tear the door down, 
> and then the fumes of the chemicals on 
> the table getting to him…he looks 
> around the room… all is absolutely 
> clean…not a speck of pink stuff 
> anywhere…

NeoVid [Miki]: Finally, I'm free of Mokona!

>he sighs in relief… 

Zeek: o/~ Oh, oh, ohohoh, oh, oreo o/~

> ‘what a 
> weird dream’ he thinks as he walks down 
> the stairs. As he makes it to the 
> first level he screams in horror 

Skrib [Ned Flanders as Miki]: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Purple curtains! I
always wanted purple curtains! Eeeeeeeeeeeee!

>and 
> faints. There before him the entire 
> Ohtori school is completely engulfed by 
> a huge pink gelatinous mass.

Ranma X.: So this is Ghostbusters II now?

> 
> Visit us next time to see: The huge 
> pink mass that ate Ohtori

Mark: I suddenly got an idea for IDFRL. (grins)
Skrib: Well, you can use it after I finish my part and it gets posted to
http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net/idfrl/idfrl.html .
Ranma X: Doesn't it involve hell freezing over. 
(a pause) 
Skrib: Hey, isn't that in your Chosen Warriors ending, Mark? 
Mark: Yeah, which after I finish it will get posted to
http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net/choswarr/choswarr.htm . 
NeoVid: And I thought I was the URL slut.
(Mark and Skrib whistle innocently.)

> The romance 
> of Kotori And is Ruka ever to show up?

Mark [Ruka]: Not if I can help it.

> “Not with my luck he won’t” says an 
> exasperated Sun. “oh that is nasty…will 
> you two keep it down!” 

Ranma X.: Damn. It just always sucks when the story is sidelined by Akio
having sex with Touga, 17 women, and at least one wild animal.
Skrib: The sad part is that the best stuff involves the said wild animal. 

> 
> thus the plot is set for the next 
> middle...and it is "finally" up! :>

(Skrib and NeoVid have lecherous grins on their faces.)
Zeek: [sighs] I'd hit them, but I got the same image.

> Sun sits...then lacking a 
> better thing to do, 

Skrib: No surprise there. 

> she stretches out 
> on the carpet...

Mark [Sun]: Meeeeeeooooow! 
Skrib: Rrrrip! 
Zeek: That better be not what I think it is... >_< 

>hmmm.... Massaging 
> carpet...wait a minute...carpets don’t 
> vibrate...

Ranma X: Little did she know that she fell asleep on Chewbacca.
Skrib: The Wookie was not pleased when he woke up.
(A beat)
Skrib: ...well, I guess he could be. 
S.D.: (sighs) That riff could have been interpreted in a lot of different
ways, you know.
Zeek: (growls, hand on sword hilt) I know, I know.
Skrib: ^-^_v 

>”oh for gelatinous’ sake...will 
> you two KEEP IT DOWN!” Sun sulks... you 
> see Ruka was supposed to have been 

NeoVid: --A decent human being. Whoops.

> there half an hour ago...but he isn’t. 
> Suddenly she feels faint hearted...

Mark: She shouldn't have ridden on that roller coaster if she had heart
problems.

>what if the evil bitch from hell got at 
> him?’ 

(NeoVid manages not to glance at S.D.)
Skrib [Asuka]: I'd damn appreciate it if you didn't include me in this
fic, authors! *WA-TAK!* 

>Sun shudders, she pulls out her 

(NeoVid starts to say something.)
Ranma X: Don't... please, for the love of my insanity, *don't!*
(NeoVid closes his mouth.)

> shotgun, and proceeds to hunt down 
> shiori.

Mark [Sun]: (puts finger to lips) Shhh! I'm hunting Shiowi.
Zeek: It's Shiori season today.
Skrib: Just like every other day! Shiori's in season!
Zeek: I didn't need to hear that.

> Authors Note: Sunday does not hate 
> Shiori 

Mark [narrator]: Their frequent fights and lawsuits show how much they
love each other.
Skrib [narrator]: They're just misunderstood.
S.D.: That's not hard to misunderstand.

>because she is a bitch, who 
> sleeps around. 

Zeek: No, that's why she likes Shiori. Duh.

>She isn’t even that 
> angry at her for getting Ruka...

Skrib [narrator]: As long as she can share Ruka. 

> after all 
> she IS a real character of the 
> story...

NeoVid [narrator]: ... not like some horny over-active schoolgirls I
could--
Ranma X [author]: Hey!
NeoVid [narrator]: ...I'm so fired, aren't I?

>and the point that she doesn’t 
> dote on Jury is not that much of a 
> problem either because, after all, she 
> is strait...

NeoVid: Yes, she is really a body of water, temporarily turned human.
Skrib: ...jacketed? 

>No, what re-aly bugs Sun, is 
> the point that she is soooooooooo 
> fucking cute

NeoVid: My god, authors! Such language!
S.D.: (chokes) Shiori? The goat-girl from hell? The one who effectively
replaces Akio in the movie? The one who sleeps with anything male in the
series? Cute?
Skrib: That's not cute?
Zeek: Not unless your in one of those paralax alternate dimensions, where
everything you hear is WRONG! 
(A beat.)
Zeek: Not that I've been to one mind you.
Skrib: What sort of a reason is that? It's like hating Card Captor Sakura
for being excessively cute. 
S.D.: Two words, Skrib -- English dub. 
Skrib: ...Point taken. 

>...shiver.... ewww...cuteness.

Mark [authors]: Ewwww... pokemon merchandise.
Skrib [authors]: Ewww... Card Captor Sakura. 
NeoVid [authors]: Ewww... Tickle-Me Elmo Dolls.
(A pause.)
Mark: Maybe they have a point?
Skrib: No way! 
(Skrib takes out a Sakura plushie, hugs it, then proceeds to make faces at
and taunt the screen.)
Zeek: Sit down! You're giving me a headache.

> Sunday proceeds to walk down the 
> stairs, when she is nearly mowed over 
> by Miki

S.D.: Looks like Miki's looking to earn some money during spring.
Mark [Miki]: Ahhh! I just love the smell of freshly mowed Sunday.
(A pause. Others look at Mark.)
Skrib: ...Dammit, you beat me to it. 
Mark: Ewww... I feel so *dirty!*
NeoVid: (Muttering) I sense a power in this one.

>...who crashes head on into her. 
> Sunday shrugs...she sighs... 

Ranma X [Sunday]: Great, I get mowed over again. What else is new? Ho-hum! 
Zeek: We're blaming you for this, Mark. 
Mark: IT'S NOT MY FAULT! 

>“Miki?” “mhuh” 
> answers a very muffled voice. “Get YOUR 
> FUCKING HEAD OUT OF MY CHEST!!!!!!!” 

(Skrib facefaults, while everyone else collectively blinks.) 
NeoVid: ...DAMN. That's not even close to where it's supposed to go!

> she hollers out “CAUSE DAMN! THE EXCUSE 
> OF YOU BEING STUCK DOESN’T EVEN APPLY 
> IN THIS CASE!”

S.D.: (to the ceiling) And now they're insulting themselves for us!
Jonatan [over intercom]: You aren't getting out of there until it's over.
Zeek [suspicious]: And how much is left?
Jonatan [over intercom] *More* than enough. Now don't bother me again
until your brains dribble out your ears.

> Miki quickly removes his 
> head and begins to wonder...what would be 
> worse....Sunday...or the blob...

Zeek: Sunday.
Mark: Hard to say... but then again, Fred J. Dukes was always a pushover.
NeoVid: (nodding in agreement) Definitely a jobber, that Dukes.

>he looks 
> Sunday up and down...

Zeek: Left and right...
Ranma X: Forward and backward...
S.D.: Front and back...
NeoVid: Stop and go...
Skrib: Now and then...
Mark: Here and there...
(A pause.)
Mark: Which incidentally, was a damn good anime.
Skrib: Amen to that. 

>and runs down the 
> stairs. “Predictable” mutters Sunday.

Zeek: Told you, was right.

> What was not predictable was that 

NeoVid: ...someone's prediction of the End of the World was *right*!
Skrib: ...sadly.

> Sundays voice was in perfect sync with 
> the wavelength of the fire alarm...

Mark [Maya]: Synchro rate at 99%! She's melding with the fire alarm!

>thus all of the fire alarms in Ohtori went 
> off to the thunderous voice...Sun, now 
> totally drenched, 

Zeek: Hmm, usually fire alarms are NOT indoor water sprinklers.


>turns on her heal 

Mark: She's studying to be a Master Monk, you know. Check out her Heal
level 4.
NeoVid: But then, where would she find a Vigor Ball?

>to 
> go back to her room...it is then that she 
> notices that Ruka is staring VERY 
> worried at her. “With my luck...it 
> figures.”
> 
> In the mean time Juri and Kotori are ....

Skrib: Finally!
NeoVid: Some action!
Skrib & NeoVid: Woohoo!
(S.D. pulls out the Masamune and clocks Skrib with the hilt. Unfortunately
for NeoVid, he's close enough to get hit with the blade at the same time.
Fortunately for NeoVid, she kept the scabbard on it this time.)
S.D.: (Look of Death (TM) and glowing faintly) No. Juri. SI. Yuri.
(Zeek then pulls out his blade and growls.)
Zeek: Forget that, if they do anything, they DIE!
Skrib: Gee, took you this long to figure it out? 

> We are sorry to interrupt this program 
> o bring you this important message. 

Skrib & NeoVid: DAMNIT!

> Ohtori academy us being taken over by a 
> gelatinous mass...

NeoVid [announcer]: --resistance is futile.
Zeek [gelatinous mass]: All your academy are belong to us!
Skrib: The Attack Jelly, in a cameo role no one ever suspected! 
Mark: Really? 
Skrib: ...No. 

>this mass is doing 
> terrible things to the students. 

Mark: It gave them instant F's in P.E.
S.D.: I was right. That is why it was trying to eat Miki.

> Terrible unmentionable things to 
> students...

Skrib: It forced them to--
(NeoVid [announcer] smacks him with a rolled-up newspaper.)
Skrib: Ow! Why'd you--
NeoVid [announcer]: I *said* they were *unmentionable*, cretin!
Skrib: Oh, yeah, they're-- SMACK! --Ow. 

>once unmatched since Touga’s 
> horny spree of 1995... 

Mark: ...and before that, the great Ohtori Cafeteria Food Fight of 1987.

>we recommend that 
> all students lock themselves into air 
> tight container...

NeoVid: --to seal in the freshness.
Mark: Beacuse with Foreverware(tm), it will stay as fresh as the day it
was made... forever!

>no wait...you’ll sufficate...

S.D.: No, they'll only suffocate.
Zeek: Which wouldn't be a bad thing.

>so don’t do that...ummm... we 
> recommend that all students run really 
> fast 

Ranma X: --while screaming their heads off like ninnies--

>onto the nearest isolated 
> island...

Mark: Yeah, because if they could run onto the island, nothing else can...

>this is Terra Yaki 

NeoVid: --Being a cheap pun.

>reporting...if 
> you excuse me...I need to run...

Skrib: Go, Terra Yaki! Run! Be free!

> Wow...damn...who would have thought that 
> that would have gone into so much 
> nasstyness

Mark [Prince John]: Stop hissing in my ear!

>...ick...hmmm...what...huh? You mean 
> that you couldn’t read what was read 

All: Huh?
Zeek: We couldn't read what was read?
S.D.: Maybe it meant we couldn't read what was happening?
Mark: We wish.

> because you were listening to a news 
> broadcast...well too bad 4 u!

NeoVid [authors]: Y34h! W3 ru1 U!!!

> Anyway, Sun looks at ruka, Ruka looks 
> at Sunday. “Err...Sunday?” “No

Mark [Sun]: ...today's Monday.
Skrib [Sun]: Tuesday morning in the other side of the world. 

> Terry 
> Jaki...who’d ya think?” “Well it was 
> either you, or one of Touga’s 
> disgruntled girlfriend...” Ruka ducks at 
> as an olds mobiole comes flying at his 
> head.

S.D.: At least it wasn't the Akio-Car.
Zeek: That was overbudget, they had to use an Olds mobiol or the caddilac
collaige.

> “This is not a good day...this 
> is not a good day!” 

Ranma X: --she said, while clicking the heels of her ruby slippers
together. Her wish came true and a house fell on her. The end.

>says an exasperated 
> sun...she is sitting on her bed, covered 
> in a towel. 

Skrib: --and nothing else. (ducks)
(A pause.)
Skrib: Wha--? (To Zeek) You didn't hit me?
Zeek: I was going to... before you ducked.
(Zeek hits Skrib on the head with the pommel of his sword.)

>Ruka looks at her. “Oh 
> sure, tell yourself that a couple 
> thousand times and see how it turns 
> out.” 

Mark [Ruka]: ...and don't you make faces at me, young lady! Do that enough
times and your face will stick like that!

>“I hate my life! 

Ranma X: I hate her life too.

>Nothing ever 
> goes my way...sniff!” Sun pulls off her 
> wet sweater and rubs her

(Zeek and Ranma X tense.)

> arms 

(Zeek and Ranma X relax.)
Skrib: ...against her bre--
(Zeek and Ranma X explode. Sadly, Skrib was in ground zero.)
Skrib: Ow! Can someone hand me my nose?

>with her towel.
> 
> Now totally soaked...and plain annoyed 
> she sulks. 

NeoVid: She sure does. ...Oh wait, 'suLks...'

>Ruka sighs...after all this 
> is the person who helped him come back 
> to life, 

Mark: Sunday the Necromancer. Replacing Buffy the Vampire Slayer next fall.

>so he felt at least indebted 
> to her, and over all she is looking 
> kinda adorable...in the kicked puppy 
> sense. 

Zeek: ...Right, it's always adorable to kick puppies.
Mark: ... you ever had therapy, Zeek?
(Zeek shrugs)
Skrib: Some don't kick puppies. They eat 'em. Yum. 

>He sits down beside her...and 
> helps her get dry by rubbing her hair 
> with the towel. “Oh it isn’t that bad.” 

S.D. [Ruka]: Just think, what if you weren't an author avatar?

> “Sure...it isn’t like you are 
> soaked!!...Things NEVER go my wa...” 

NeoVid: Nope. You've gotta learn to keep track of your wa.

>Sun looks at her predicament...yes she is 
> wet...but the clothing isn’t hers, she 
> had borrowed it from her sister...

Mark [Sunday, suddenly realizing]: Ohmygod! My sister's going to freaking
*kill* me!

>yes her hair is wet...but the dye doesn’t come 
> out...

Skrib: It wasn't ready. It still has to wait a few more weeks in its
cocoon.

>and yes, yes indeed she is cold...

S.D. [Sunday]: I'm pathetic! Waaaaaah!

>BUT Ruka, yes Ruka, is sitting beside 
> her...on a bed...in her room, 

NeoVid: Will you eat it on a boat, with a goat, in a coat?
Mark [Johnny Bravo]: I won't eat it, not one box. I won't eat it with a
fox! 

>which is 
> locked...drying her hair.

NeoVid: Hark!
Mark: What?
NeoVid: Do I sense the hint of lemon in the air? (grins)
Zeek: Unfortunately, I'd say yes.
Skrib: Hecubah! ^_^ 

> Sunday boils with evilness....’Oh this is 
> going to get interesting...If Shiori 
> thinks that she alone can be a slut she 
> is mighty wrong...

Skrib: You have to have some help to be a slut. Lots and lots of it. 

>I may not be cute...but 
> I’m tall...that HAS to be worth 
> something....’

S.D.: Well, she can try out for the basketball team...of course, Utena
would beat her.
Skrib: As usual. 

> Sun smiles evilly. Ruka 
> feels a shudder...

Mark [Ruka]: Damn, I'm cool!
(Pause. Others stare at Mark.)
Skrib: That was, like, way past the mark there, my friend.
Mark [sheepish]: Sorry, sorry.

>he grins “you know when 
> you shiver, it is supposed to mean that 
> someone has stepped on top of your 
> grave.” Sun smiles sweetly at him 
> “Frankly Ruka dear...I don’t give a 
> damn.”

Zeek [Reporter]: And in other news, damn's are going up in prices cause
people are collecting them and not using them, for they just don't give a
damn.
NeoVid [Sun]: I'm giving you something else.
Skrib: You know... nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
Mark: ...And the innuendo in that scene is gone with the wind. (sighs) 

> “Jury did you hear someone scream?” 

NeoVid [Juri]: Why, you did after...
(Zeek, Ranma X, and S.D. flank NeoVid with weapons drawn.)
Ranma X [coolly]: No.

> Miki tears down the stairs he them 
> crashes head on into the blob...he looks 
> at the blob, the blob looks at him...

S.D.: And that's how the two first met.
Mark: It was love at first sight.

>”oh boy...” says Miki. 

Skrib [Miki]: I knew I shouldn't have eaten that Green Jello for lunch.
NeoVid [blob]: Revenge!
(Skrib [Miki] gulps.)

>“I will kill you, you 
> nasty blob!” screams out a voice from 
> behind Miki. Miki turns and stares at 
> [all in one breath] Kagato22, 

Zeek: Kagato22? Couldn't they even get the real one?
NeoVid: Kagato's Revenge... *twitch*
(Skrib growls.) 

>the Pope 
> of the Church of Hentai, master of 
> Sexcraft, ruler of 1/4 of the Universe. 

Males: Who?
S.D.: Sounds vaguely like Akio...
Zeek: Who cares, call Carver.

> “Umm...are you going to destroy the 
> blob?” 

Mark [Kagato22]: No, I shall... (powerposes) run away like a scaredycat
after raising your hopes for a while.
Skrib [Miki]: ...great.

>“Hmmm...?” asks Kagato as he looks 
> Miki up and down...

NeoVid [Kagato]: Hey, he's kinda cute.
(Mark twitches.)

>all the while 
> wondering if he could somehow set him 
> up with his sister (Miki’s not 
> Kagato’s)...

Mark: Well, we should hope not!

>he decides that as the ruler 
> of ¼ of the universe... 

Zeek: Can't he decide in words and not symbols? Damn Matheamtician.

> he damn well 
> can...thus Miki is transported out of 
> there in a jiffy. “I AM A GENIOUS!!!

Mark [Kagato22]: ...even though I can't pronounce what I am!
S.D. [Kagato22]: ...nor, spell it correctly!

>...No wait...that doesn’t leave anyone for me...” 
> “I like u...” says a female voice behind 
> him.

Skrib [female voice]: It's my most favorite letter in the *whole* alphabet!

>Kagsto turns around...and gets a 
> nose bleed...

Ranma X: I'd rather he get a full-body bleed...

>there stands a woman and she 
> is wearing one of them there tiny lil 
> pieces of clothing...

Mark [old-timer narrator]: Yep, them there tiny lil pieces... haven't seen
those in a while... not since the gold rush in 1988, I tell ya!

>something then hits 
> him. 

Zeek: Unfortunately, it was the Orient Express on a detour.
Mark: The poor, poor bug.

>A) she is way TOOO perfect 

Ranma X [Kagato]: She is obviously an android killer and must die!

>B) she 
> is totally pink and made of gelatin and 
> see-through 

Skrib [Kagato]: Whoah, mama! I can see your...
(Zeek draws his sword halfway with an audible *ting.*)
Skrib [Kagato]: ...lovely f