Deep in the bowels of the mind...a chasm formed in a man's mind and was driven insane. Okay, it was just a guy in a dark room, burning cheap incense and listening to Marilyn Manson backwards. "My God, it's freezing in here! The only keeping me going is this slight warmth from these stinking monstrosities." It is a little known fact but, but early Marilyn Manson records, when played backwards, tell of useful investment banking tips and helful hints that any wine connoisseur/chef/lawyer could ever need. "Hmm...so it I add a bit of merlot with the cream risotto along with some ginger and hungarian paprika, I would be able to win that case against OJ Simpson for battering a polish sausage! Oh god, I'm a genius!!" he man said as he passed out in either dementia or just hypothermia. A shadow emerged, brooding as much as a silhouette could and smiled, baring white teeth, though that doesn't happen except in bad action hero shows. "That was pointless. Ah, I'm gonna get a Lager and get those people in the theater to torture." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* In Kate Malloy's apartment, a romantic scene was playing out. Jonatan Streith, who was far too busy studying a print-out of the "Prestidigitatorr: The Unpronounceable" rules, paid no attention to it. "Hey, Jon. What are you watching?" a voice from the other room yelled. Jonatan didn't look up from his work. He didn't even appear to register the inquiry; this was because he was wearing headphones, music cranked up to 10. A muttering of "...when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest..." escaped his lips. Ryan "Ripper" Jakobi made his way into the living room, carrying a tray of taquitos. "Hey, I asked..." "Meurh?" Jonatan looked up, and took off the headphones. "You were saying?" "I thought you were watching the TV," Ryan said, sitting down. "What is this stuff, anyway?" "Usual all-american grey-matter killer, I suppose." Jonatan wrinkled his nose. "Not a single good anime I haven't seen already, either. I don't suppose there's any way to get 'V' or 'The Prisoner'?" "That old stuff? Nope." R. Jak grabbed the remote and changed the channel to something more appropriate. "And they're into the cream corn!" the TV now shouted. Jonatan rolled his eyes and returned to his notes. "Hmm... I'll play as Creamspeaker... I'll need to focus on Lertness, Stilt and Croquette..." "By the way, got a postcard from Kate," Jak said as he sat down on the couch. "She said that she needed to check on some friends. She might be another week." "Rather nice of her to let us watch the apartment, isn't it?" Jonatan said from his papers. "Nice? We cleaned out the fridge. That's why Mark went out to get some groceries." "Your point?" Ryan stared back at the TV, which was now on the advertisments for beer. It was about then that the doorbell rang. "Hey, Mark's fast," Jonatan mumbled as Jak went up and opened the door. Standing behind it was two police officers in full battle armor. "Excuse me, sir, but is this the apartment of a Miss Kate Malloy?" one of the officers said. "Uh...yes," Jak responded. "She in trouble again?" "Are you familiar with a Doctor W4, who runs a Theater of Pain somewhere in these premises?" the officer continued. "Familiar, yes. Friendly, no." "Good enough. Come with us, sir..." Jak blinked. "Pardon?" "Your presence is requested. Anyone else in the apartment?" "Well, there's only Jon, but..." "Jonatan Streith? Good. We'll need him too." "Any specific reason why?" Jak asked finally. The officer didn't answer, but promptly hit Jak in the head with a nightstick. The other officer used a taser on Jonatan. Jonatan looked up. "That tickled. Stupid MiB wannabe." He then bit the officer's hand. However, after the deployment of some very solid baseball bats, the officers were able to claim two victims. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Zeek was sitting down in a bar, being damnably bored, and when that is happening, he usually broods, and when Zeek broods, he drinks. "Ah, damnit...This sucks...what the hell am I supposed to do...life sucks, Graal's dissolving before my eyes..." Zeek sighs and takes another drink. "HEY NEWBIE! YOU SUCK AND I'M THE KING!!!!" Zeek looked up and put his beer down. "Now, if you're the king, why aren't you in the throne room?" "Uhhh..." "Ah, no matter...I'll give you one minute to explain yourself why you came here before I split you up the middle." The other guy pulled out an invitation and tossed it at Zeek, who caught it and looked at it. "Invitation to Thinkerficroast2k+1, location..." Zeek sighs. Some other moron had taken over the theatre. "Okay, okay, I got it...I'll go...now excuse me." "Huh?" Zeek pulled his sword off of his back and promptly ran the guy through. "I hate frickin' newbies." Zeek wiped off his sword, and slowly walked off. "First the sunglasses, then some books, and go to the theatre, then beat the crap outta the person that did this...could be fun." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* "NeoVid, what are you wasting your time with today?" e X ! l e, the much-abused sidekick asked. "Well, right now I'm trying to figure out how to make you in WWF Smackdown. I can't get the eyes yellow enough, or make you easy enough to beat for it to pass as the real thing." He watched the CPU vs CPU match end. "See, I can't make you job more than 24 times in a row. No one's going to believe that." "Uh... right." e X ! l e decided this was the perfect opportunity for his latest trump card. He held out a movie ticket. "You've been invited to do another MiSTing." NeoVid grabbed it, and two seconds later, was out the door. "I knew his attention span had run out," e X ! l e said to himself. e X ! l e then locked all the doors and windows, blocked them with boulders, and moved his island into a pocket dimension. "Let's see him get back in here now..." */\* */\* */\* */\* NeoVid arrived at the door of the Theater of Pain. Raising his hand to knock, the ground opened under his feet, and he dropped like a slightly disturbed rock. "Hmph. They could have at least given me a bungee cord or some-" WHAM */\* */\* */\* */\* Somewhere, somehow, a blue-haired young man swore loudly. "Yes! Mua is the Chozen One!" "Damn, if I had my Dan..." "Mua's Servebot would still beat you! Because Mua is the Marvel vs. Capcom 2 Master! Whoohoo!" Mua began to parade around the apartment while his roomie, Ice, brooded and ran his hand through his blue hair. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* The cold Northern reaches of Great Britain are not the best place to look for manga, as many have discovered to their despair. Eslington was one of the many who had made this discovery, but persisted in his search regardless. "Sorry sir," said the cashier. "But the Slayers TV series just isn't available in the UK." "Not even the dub?" asked Eslington. "No." "Oh, okay..." Head hung low, Eslington walked out of the shop and into the pouring rain. He sighed, unfurled his umbrella and trudged down the street. "If only... If only I could get more anime stuff somehow..." He reached the corner of the street and looked up so he could see if it was safe to cross the road. What he saw was far more interesting than an absence of traffic. "Plushies..." Hanging in front of his eyes were two plushie versions of Annapuma and Unipuma. Mesmerised by the cute cat-girls before him, Eslington reached out to them, and found to his frustration his fingertips were five centimetres away from his goal. He took a step forwards, hoping to get closer, only to find the cat-girl plushies remained two inches out of reach. He took another step and found himself no closer. The plushies swung in front of his eyes, as if suspended by fishing line from a fishing rod held by a person walking behind him who was snickering evilly. Eslington took another step. And another. And then some more. Soon enough, he had taken a very large number of steps. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Zeek stood in front of the theatre, the corpse in tow. "Hasn't changed much, let's see, where was that trapdoor..." Zeek began poking around with his sword till he heard a place feel a bit flimsy, then bluntly stepped on it, falling through, and eventually landing in a room. "Looks like no one's arrived yet. Go fig." Zeek tosses the corpse down, and sighs, leaning against a wall. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* The wall of the theatre of pain loomed before Eslington, standing tall before him and leaving no doubt that it existed. Eslington, however, didn't notice this, because he was still staring at the cat-girls dangling fifty millimetres from his outstretched hand. "Plushies..." Eslington stopped walking as an idea struck him. He had noticed a while back that it had stopped raining, but he still hadn't closed his umbrella for fear of losing sight of his goal. He closed his umbrella and, holding it in his left hand, used it to nudge the dangling cat-girls into his hand. "Yes! At last!" he cried in joy, tears streaming down his face. "I'm so.... Happy." So happy was Eslington that he hardly even noticed as the ground opened up beneath him, dropping him into the darkness below. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* NeoVid arrived at the door of the Theater of Pain. Raising his hand to knock, the ground opened under his feet, and he dropped like a slightly disturbed rock. "Hmph. They could have at least given me a bungee cord or some-" WHAM */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Somewhere deep in the heart of the Nexus... Shadow Dragon "S.D." Ryukage, more commonly known as S.D., was bored. This was not unusual for her; she tended to spend ninety percent of her time bored anyway. In a probably-futile attempt to do something vaguely interesting, she opened up a portal without bothering to check where it led and stepped through. It was just her luck that the portal opened several feet above the ground, within a certain Theater of Pain... */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* The streets. Sometimes filled with cars. Sometimes filled with punks. But today... "Cheesecake! Mua likes cheesecakes!" A line of cheesecakes went right down the empty street. "Mua! Joy!" The little koosh-ball-ish creature began to bound down the street, eating each slice of cheesecake in one comical gulp. Finally, after what seemed like miles and miles, the stream of cheesecake ended. "Yum. Mua liked the cheesecake. Hey, where..." And at that moment, a trap-door opened under Mua's feet. "Wheeeeee! Mua likes plummets!" */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Eslington, Jonatan, Mua, NeoVid, R.Jak, S.D. Ryukage and Zeek stood facing each other in what appeared to a be a glass cage, or a large popcorn popper. Jonatan surveyed the area and, realizing at once what was going on, clutched his face as if in pain. "Mero mero mero..." NeoVid and R. Jak and Zeek looked at each other, then at Jonatan, then at each other again as they confirmed their mutual suspicions. "Not again..." NeoVid sighed. "Are we reading bad fanfiction again, guys?" "Yeah R. Jak, yeah... God, what I hate the most is the overly elaborate way he tricked me into getting here, if elaborate can be called playing on my emotions and my hatreds." Zeek said, pointing at the corpse. "That and I was bored. His flunkie really sucked, and I felt a bit of pity for the poor mad...'course, I will again after I put him on a spit." NeoVid looked at Zeek and asked, "You're still bitter?" "Yep. You should know, you were here too, and R. Jak?" "Huh?" "You bloody should know that we should be watching this crap..." "S.D.? Hiyah!" "Oh. You." "Do you know what's going on?" "No." "Who's talking, anyway?" S.D. Ryukage and Mua looked at the brooding veterans. S.D. facepalmed. "This is going to give me a headache, isn't it," she asked Jonatan, who happened to be the nearest available person. Jonatan responded by taking out a lead pipe and beleaguering his forehead with it. "Get a head start. It saves time. Getting drunk doesn't hurt either." Eslington, who had been hugging his newly aquired plushies, looked up. The oddness of his situation just beginning to dawn upon him. "Wait, where am I? What's going on? Who are you people?" "Welllll... I'm NeoVid. I speak fluent crazy, but other than that, I'm 100%, absolutely normal." NeoVid noticed how the more familiar MSTers were looking at him. "Hey, he's new, he might believe it..." "Hi!" Mua said, extending his hand. "Mua's Mua! Mua wants to know what's going on?" NeoVid shook his head. "Oh, you'll see... I'm sorry, shorty, but you are in for a lot of pain." "Is that bad pain or good pain?" Mua asked innocently. Everyone sweatdropped. (Well, S.D. rolled her eyes. Close enough.) "Well, at least there's only two new people this time, so there'll be less screaming," R Jak said. "Could you tell us who you are, exactly?" Mua hopped up, looking adorable/caffiene-loaded. "Mua!! Mua is Mua!!" "Shadow Dragon Ryukage." She paused. "S.D. is fine." NeoVid blinked. "Huh. Weird coincidence. The last woman I coMiSTed with was a dragon, too..." He smiled. "She was nowhere near as good-looking as-" In the blink of an eye, S.D. produced the Masamune and had it pointed at a rather *vulnerable* area on NeoVid's body. "Finish that thought. Please." As everyone else nearby was male, everyone backed *slooowly* away from the half-elf. And there was much sweatdropping. R. Jak took a moment to kindly whack NeoVid in the head before he could say something to get himself lobotomized. Suddenly, a screen appeared. The same silhouette from Scene 1 appeared in front of them; but since none present had seen said scene, they were left clueless. "Well, well, well, interesting. Some of you I've seen before, others are brand new to me...fascinating." "Oh come on out! Who are you already?" Zeek asked the screen in a rather bored tone. "Didn't you hear how he talks? It's Spock," NeoVid told him. "Ha ha. All will be revealed as soon as--hey!" The shadow started, being cut off by someone opening a door and turning on the lights to reveal Ranma X. "Ranma X.!" NeoVid and R. Jak yelled out in shock. "Him?" said Eslington, "what's he doing here?" "Who?" Mua asked. S.D. pointed her sword at the screen. "Die." "Hey," Jonatan replied, waving half-heartedly. "Why you...Damn it, John! There was a reason I had the lights off!" Indeed, near the entrance of the door was none other than John Evans. "Is that who I think it is?" NeoVid blinked. "Oh, hey, guys," John said, waving. "Hi, John," Jonatan said, waving back. "How's life?" "Ranma X. is showing us bad movies! Why are you working with him?" "Well...he said he'd buy more 'Beware the Radish' T-shirts if I was his flunky." "...Right," Jonatan replied, rolling his eyes. "ANY-ways," Ranma X. said, shaking his head, "I am here to torture you some more and get my revenge on you all!!!" "And who exactly is 'you all'?" R. Jak asked. "Oh, Woofer, Mark, and Dr. Thinker of course! That's why I sent for them and....ohiseeihavemessedupagaingoddammitdammitdammit...JOHN!" "What?" "I told you to get Woofer, Mark, and Dr. Thinker! Instead I have these ninnies," he said, pointing at Mua, Zeek, and R.Jak. "Ranma, don't think I won't kill you after this is over," Zeek grumbled. "Mua's not wanted. Mua is sad." He began to frown. "And what the HELL is wrong with me?" R. Jak added, a bit miffed. "Oh, sorry, but the doctor said my hearing and brain wave patterns have been irreperably damaged due to ending about...oh...73 impros at once. I must have misheard you...my bad." "So what's the status on... Do-Gooders, John?" Jonatan asked cooly. "And what's happening with Scarlett Marquee?" asked Eslington. Ranma X. sighed and said, "Oh well, this must mean I have to torture you instead, in order to set an example to them all...don't ever EVER...um... what was it?...um...eatbaconandlimabeans...caution slippery when wet... no shirt no shoes no service...ummm..." "Mess with you?" Mua asked. "That's it! Don't ever EVER mess with you! Er, Ranma X.!!!" He said, degenerating into frightening amounts of laughter, and, at times, doing a fairly good Naga impersonation. Jonatan remarked, "He's lost it this time." "He never had it, Jon..." Zeek replied. Ranma X. coughed a bit and then cleared his throat before ststaing. "Well now. I have the ultimate torture for you..." "Grey Archive, Ranma? I thought that was banned here." Zeek stared at the screen. NeoVid looked worried. "You found a Pokemon self-insertion lemon cowritten by Hachi Machi, PJ and Night Creeper?" A moment of clarity passed through Ranma X. as he blinked and looked earnestly at Neovid. "Dude, I'm not that messed up," He said, before returning to insanity. "No! I have a special treat. It's a Dr. Thinker Triple Feature. Enjoy!" Ranma X. said, smiling as he pulled a lever causing the cage to blare loudly and emit streams of flashing colored lights. "*That's* the ultimate torture?" S.D. rolled her eyes. "I could do better in my *sleep.*" "Just Thinker?" Jonatan dropped the now-mangled lead pipe. "Waste of effort." NeoVid was close to being speechless for a second. "THINKER? Thinker's no threat to anything except the English language..." "Fanfic sign!" R. Jak yelled. "But where do we go?" Zeek said. Just then, the floor disappered and everyone fell through. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* DOOR (er, FLOOR) SEQUENCE 7: A disco floor, with many stickpeople dancing, right before the floor disintegrates under the watchers, the echo of the words I AM DISCO MAN!!! Come from the mouth of the Super Beast. (SD CAMEO! ^_^) 6: A metal gate. Above etched in silver letters is the phrase "Arbecht Macht Frei, WAI!" 5: A stone floor. The stones rearrange themselves so that there is a hole in the center of the floor. The roasters try to make it around to the other side, but Mua accidentally double-bounces on one stone, causing it and all the others (with the cast on them) to drop into the ground. 4: The floor is covered wall-to-wall in spikes. Fortunately, the spikes turn out to be made of Jello. And the floor is merangue for some reason. 3: It's a beautifully designed Certamen arena. NeoVid and Jonatan holds a quick duel while the others go on ahead. 2: A spider's web made out of sellotape, complete with a giant spider made from spray-painted cardboard. It snaps as the MiSTers fall through it. 1: */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Mua: Mua likes movies! Joy! NeoVid: That won't last long... [Mua breaks out a bucket full of mini-cheesecakes and begins munching them like popcorn. Zeek pulls out some earplugs, and a paper] Zeek: Tell me when it's done. Jonatan: Why, pray tell? Zeek: I came prepared just in case the one up there is a moron. Ranma X : NO YOU DON'T! Zeek: Ah well, worth a shot, still a moron though. [Zeek takes out the earplugs and puts the paper away] > POKEMON OAV Vol #4 - "Shocking Isn't It?" by Dr. Thinker R. Jak: No it isn't. Jonatan: Yes it is. R. Jak: No it isn't. Jonatan: GOD DAMN IT!!! YES IT IS!!! R. Jak: Okay, okay! Sheesh! > ################### > > Ash Eslington: -To ash. Dust to dust... Mua: Ahhhh! Pokemon! Mua doesn't like Pokemon! [Mua begins to wail loudly and obnoxiously.] NeoVid: ...I thought you were one. R. Jak: Groovy. Jonatan: Now there's a crossover I'd like to see... > make his way south, but he Mua:...Got slapped by Misty. [Strange looks] NeoVid: How'd he get in a hentai riff before Jon? Jonatan: Contrary to the general MISconception, I actively support the use of hentai riffs for the public. > found a lab on in the city, Eslington: Poor dog... are you lost boy? S.D.: Woof! > where he > met Bill , he come Mua: Mua thinks this one is too easy. NeoVid: No such thing! > from fixing the healing item in the Pokecenter. NeoVid [Pico]: Ahhhh...medicinal herbs... > Bill give Ash a ticket NeoVid [exact Bill]: There's a fine for indecent exposure in this town, kid. > to the St. Anne, because he feel like not > going. Zeek: That's cause Bill only gets to see what's over the leeward rail. Mua: Man, even Mua can write better than this. "He feel like not going?" R.Jak: We're already five minutes into this and I think I hate you, Mua. Mua: Mua's offended. > Ash finds Gary aboard. S.D.: [monotone] See Ash. See Ash find Gary. Find, Ash, find. NeoVid [exact Ash]: Here's that lumber you ordered! > Gary come Jonatan: ...and go, but the legend never will. S.D.: [mutters] I *hate* Shishi fics... > from Bill's house and found that Ash NeoVid: And in turn, Gary found that Ash. Eslington: What Ash? NeoVid: You know, that Ash. The one with, you know, the thing. Eslington: Oh, THAT Ash. NeoVid: The Spanish one. Eslington: Yeah. > wasn't near Nugget Bridge, Jonatan: Nugget Bridge, better than a Chocolate Bridge, especially with this hot weather we've been having. NeoVid [exact Owen Hart]: I AM NOT A NUGGET BRIDGE! > plus Gary is upset with having to pay > Prof. Oak back! Mua:...was that even a sentence? Eslington: Well "Prof." can be used as an abbreviation, but considering how bad this guy's grammar is, that could be just another mistake... Zeek: What's he going pay the Professor for? Jonatan: Well, it's not a publicly known fact, but Oak's a pretty big guy in the PokeMob, and Gary's lost a few too many bets... > Gary loses his S.D.: --Lunch, mind, and life, in that order. >battle. > Ash smiles and sends on past. > Gary stomps off the desk. Jonatan: A-HA! Short, stacked sentences! How fiendish of you, doctor! But do you really expect me to fall for your simple trap? Ranma X: [Over speakers] No, Mr. Streith. I expect you to die. [A safe falls on Jonatan.] Mua:...so he's on top of the fence, but stomping the air next to the desk? Mua's not enjoying this... NeoVid: Don't strain your kooshbrain. Just do like we do. [fiddles with the lock of the safe before opening it. Jonatan climbs out.] Jonatan: Yup, heckle like there's no tomorrow. [sits down next to S.D.] And how are you holding up, precious? S.D.: Who are you calling precious? Jonatan: You, of course. [stretches a little] Aah. Nothing like being rushed by a safe to get your juices running. S.D.: You remind me of Agate. Jonatan: Really? S.D.: [unsheathes sword] I [H_A_T_E] Agate. > Ash fights Fishman, Gentlemans, Eslington: So he's fighting supervillains now? R. Jak: No. He's just mugging people right about now. Jonatan: [The Mask] Look out! He's going to... SWIM! > Chefs and Sailors, Jonatan: [Dorothy] Oh my! Eslington: Sailors? Maybe he's fighting superheros... R. Jak: Nope. Definitely mugging. > Ladies, All: Yup. Mugging. > to get the Captain Mua: And his cereal! Mua likes Crunchberries! >rumor and Ash help relax the Captian. Jonatan: Given how much fiber he gets, I didn't think he'd need that. > The Captain gives the > HM-01 - CUT! Mua :...my life into pieces, this is my last resort... Eslington: CUT! I just realised this fic sucks! NeoVid [Thinker]: I cut half this ficed, sice I doing EVIL! Mua: In-DEED. > to Ash. A Mua: A. No verbs, no puncuations, no subject. A. What the hell? Mua is not enjoying Mua's self. NeoVid: Relax. Jonatan: No, keep him going! Watching his head explode will be a welcome distraction. Mua: [eyes widening] S.D.: I have always wondered what the inside of a Koosh-ball looks like... > Ash who recently got a Bellspout, R. Jak: Embedded into his head. He got a lot of funny looks from passersby. Jonatan: [Ash] Are you looking at my flower? Are you?! [enraged] DAMN IT, STOP LOOKING AT MY FLOWER! ARRRGH! Eslington: Bellspout...? Oh, that's where liquid bells come from... > on the way down which tooked 2 and > 1/2 days. NeoVid: Toking will stunt your growth, Ash. S.D.: [rolls eyes] Like anyone will notice. Oak is, what, three inches taller? > Ash gives Beellspout NeoVid [demonic]: I AM BEELZESPOUT! BURN IN MY REALM OF SICKENING CUTENESS! > cut a small bushed Jonatan: He gave it a cut of what? Zeek: Drugs? > and found a post. Eslington: It was a post regarding the amount of flames Ash was sending to the pokemon ML. He was banned immediately. > Lt. Thomas Jonatan: -Wilde? NeoVid: -Shin? >Surge was born in the American Army by a Army Nurse and > Marine. Mua: They let kids that young fight? And doesn't Pokemon take place in Japan? Jonatan: Nope. It takes place in a alternate reality where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer and the towels are oh so fluffy! NeoVid: And there's no pollution, and parents let their ten-year olds travel on their own across the world without supervision or money, and no one seems to eat food made from animals. R. Jak: I'm more concerned about the Army nurse and the NAVY marine. I didn't know they were allowed to marry. Jonatan: Point: they didn't SAY that they were married. R. Jak: I'm assuming. (pause) For Surge's sake. > Lt. Surge did both well S.D.: --And badly. He had one of those bipolar disorders... >in school and in the army, but he > was honorablely dischanged from the Army. Zeek: Like that's a problem? Don't you WANT that?! Eslington: Not if they discharge you with a cannon. > His Pokemon NeoVid: -fanfics. > were a shocking to those S.D.: -who read them. > enemies. They are Thunder Pokemons. Zeek: I'm not saying this joke, too easy to think of. R. Jak: Yes. (pause) Huh? Jonatan & NeoVid: [singing] Thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder, POKEMON! > Signed The D. Man. Zeek: The D. Man...he didn't do well in school sadly. Mua: "Signed The D. Man."? What IS this? Why does it exist? AAUUUGGHHH! [Mua twitches.] Mua : Ahhh...Logical Mua has been switched off due to overload. Thank you for your patience. [Mua twitches again.] Mua: Mua! Hi, everybody! Jonatan: I picked the wrong day to quit drinking. NeoVid: You never quit drinking, Jonatan. Jonatan: [Xellos pose and grin] Ex-actly! > Then he enter Lt. Surge NeoVid: EW! I thought Thinker didn't do lemons... > Gym. After going thought catwalks, NeoVid: Great. We get to see Ash on the catwalk. S.D.: [sarcastic] Wonderful mental image. Eslington: No, he only imagined he was on catwalks. See? > tunnels, tires and a army-like obscaulte Mua: Mua likes obscaulte! NeoVid: Obscaulte's all right... it needs a lot of whipped cream, in my opinion. > course, and saving a gym puzzle. NeoVid: I am the fabled Save Point! S.D.: I am... the Iron Chef! Jonatan: I am the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say. Eslington: I'm Batman. R Jak: I'm woozy. > Ash meets Lt. Surge. Ash uses Geodude to defeat Lt. Surge's Pokemons. Jonatan: Assistance writing by Koopa. Zeek: And? Did I miss something? Eslington: No. Obviously this is meant to be an excercise for the reader's own creativity. By leaving things vague, the reader is forced to imagine the details of the fic, allowing them to create a clearer mental image of the action than any words can. R. Jak: Uh, newbie? This is Thinker we're talking about. Eslington: I forgot to sound sarcastic, didn't I? Damn. S.D.: [absently] Actually, if you have a high enough Bulbasaur or Ivysaur with Razor Leaf and Vine Whip, you can take out Surge fairly quickly... Getting into the Gym is a pain, though... > ########################################################## Mua: Dial down the center, not the pound button repeatedly. Zeek: Over already? Geez...(pulls out his paper) Tell me when the next one starts. NeoVid: And please *don't* tell me. > "Misty's Twin" by Dr.Thinker S.D.: [deadpan] Oh. Another Cerulean sister. Yaaaay. > Note 1: Thank Leto (Of Loose NeoVid: -Morals. They're lemon fanatics... Mua: Mua like lemons! And oranges, apples, and... R. Jak: This is really gonna be a long night. > Change) > and his "Clouds" story Eslington: Of Much Suckiness. > for giving this > idea to me. Note 2: E-mail me at > winkstwo@sssnet.com. C&C and MiSTing > are welcome. Flames are not. Mua: Too bad. Heh heh... [There is a flash of light and Sanada Ryo--'Yoroiden Samurai Troopers'-- replaces S.D.] Ryo: Do you have something against fire, then? [*very* nasty grin] [A nearby row of unoccupied chairs abruptly bursts into flame. A second flash follows this, and S.D. replaces Ryo.] NeoVid: Cool. She's got an original gimmick! Jonatan: Asbestos seats. That's what we're getting next. R. Jak: I feel so crispy. >Note 3: > Pokemon is owned by Nintendo, 4Kids, > Wizard of the Coast, GameFreak, and > Harsbo. NeoVid: Harsbo, the new exercise program... Mua : I own you! Jonatan: No, no, no. Quite wrong. Like this. [l33t] I 0wnz j00. >Note 4: This takes place after > "Meowth Rules" Mua: Meowth rulez! Ph3@r Mu@$ 3l1t3 $k1llz d00d! Eslington: Hey, I loved that episode. Jonatan: Good work. Of course, I hate l33t, so please stop now. S.D.: I quit watching after Ash beat Koga. Stadium's better. NeoVid: You missed Charizard going nice? Awwww... that episode was cute. > but before "Tracy Gets > Bugged." Mua : He's onto us. > > ############ R. Jak: And we're off... Jonatan: Nerds XII: The Search For Braces. > "Morning, Ash." replied Tracy. Eslington: To what? NeoVid: She's taking a test. The question was "At which time of day do vampires end up as what?" > "Morning, Tracy." replied Ash. "Where's > Misty." "Giving herself NeoVid [exact Tracy]: -Up to the cops. They finally found that drug lab of hers. > a make over." > replied a pink hair woman. Eslington: Huh? A woman made from pink hair? Mua: No, she only had one hair. NeoVid: It was wrapped around her head, so no one could tell she was going bald. [Flash; Anthy Himemiya] Anthy: Utena-sama? Is that you? [flash; back to S.D.] Jonatan: [Takes out a device with a green lens and examines SD] Her identity matrix is on the fritz. > It was Nurse > Joy. Zeek : Yay. Mua: HELLLLLOOOOOO, NURSE! >"Oh, no! I need to go to the > bathroom." replied Ash. He really need > to go. Eslington: That's what I said the last time I wrote to the writers of Pokemon. Zeek: Hey, when ya gotta go... R. Jak: These guys really have weird trains of thought. > Although, most Pokemon centers > on Ingendo Islands had two bathrooms > for one for Women and one for Men. Mua : Hey! What about me? What about Raven!? S.D.: What about the Pokemon? [beat; glances at Mua] [muttered] Or Koosh balls... Jonatan: What about the children? And what about Scarecrow's brain? Zeek: What about them? NeoVid: Wait, if it was the intergender islands... > Orange Island League's Pokemon centers > only had one bathroom that was for both > women and men R. Jak: It's also called "Ally McBeal" Island for some reason. Mua:...That is not right. NeoVid: Yeah... you wouldn't even be able to find the Little Toy's Room... Zeek: So where do you go when you need to go? (pause) Zeek: Actually, I'd like if you didn't tell me. >and Ash saw Misty > removing her light red hair revealing a > huge patch of orange island. All: ...WHA? Mua:...Wait. She removed her hair from her head, and revealed a patch of island? Orange island? On her head? R. Jak [Ash]: Misty! You got continental drift! *Zeek begins humming it's a small world after all outta boredom* > "I think the Persian is out of the > bag." replied Misty. Mua: Mua's not usually a negative Mua, but now, Mua just has to say: Now that the Persian's out of it, you should put it over your head. > > Ash runned into bathroom. belive Misty is a fake! SD: This begs the line, 'Fake what?' NeoVid: Sadly, Misty was just another victim for the Pod People. Jonatan: [Misty] Not one of us! Mua: Just! Another! Victim! >I can't want to > tell Nurse Joy!> S.D. : Joy...I'm pregnant. Eslington: Hey, does anyone know why Ash's lines had to be translated back there? Jonatan: It's simple. The Persian, which is, as far as I know, a psychic pokemon, was out of the bag. Ash, who was on another of his peyote trips was completely out of it, and ate the Persian when it left the bag. Whole. And this somehow enabled him to absorb its psychic powers. That's not a translation... Ash is actually communicating through telepathy. Others: ... Jonatan: [smiling widely] And now you know... the rest of the story. > ####################################### Zeek: That's how many times I'd pound on the guy who came up with Pokémon. > > "Misty isn't Misty at all." Mua: It's the Bishop! SD: It's Batman! Jonatan: It's Colonel Mustard! NeoVid: In the library, with the swordfish! Mua: But she's been a real trooper after the fishing incident! > Ash stated > later in front of the Nurse Joy. NeoVid [Joy]: I'm not just a Joy, I am the Joy. Mua: And the Joy says that she's gonna lay the smack down on you! >"I > can't wait to tell the Officer Joy, Jonatan: [Ash] ...that I've been sleeping with her sister. Eslington: [Joy] Which one? Jonatan: [Ash] All of them? Eslingotn: [Joy] Well, I've been sleeping with your pet goat! Mua: Ding! [ALL stare.] Mua: What? > Misty is from Team Rocket" "I know R. Jak: -We made the plot twist so unclear that it actually did surprise the readers. Jonatan: Scratch that, it looks like they confused the characters... > she > not really Misty..." replied Nurse Joy. Jonatan: Of course. She's completely clear. Eslington: She was in a terrible accident... SD: But they had the technology. For the right money... Zeek: They could make her faster, stronger, better... NeoVid: Boingier... Zeek: Thank you, NV... > "....But she's isn't from Team Rocket. > She's Richie's friend, Crystral. Mua: Why does that sound like a rejected rapper? R. Jak: Or a frozen-in hippie. >She > knows water Pokemon like the back of > her hand. Mua : I don't have anything on the back of my hand. Zeek: Aside from that green organism that is feeding on it, right? Mua : What? >Remember, when you were in > the Ingendo Villege. Jonatan: Where... where am I? SD: In the Villege. > They was a short > break, NeoVid: It was their kneecaps. Jonatan: CM Break! SD: This is not a Sailor Moon episode! Jonatan: Obviously not, or your skirt would be shorter. Mua: Thank God Logical Mua was turned of, or else Mua's head would have exploded from those last two sentences, but, since it didn't... [Mua begins to scarf mini-Cheesecakes.] Zeek: We will be right back after a word from our sponsors. Eslington: [Sponsor] Purple. Zeek: And now, back to the story. > 3 days between Team Rocket's > Pokemon League Official Trick Trap and > your match with Richie?" asked Nurse > Joy. "Yep." replied Ash. Eslington [Ash]: I mean no. I mean...repeat the question. Mua: [Singing] Can you repeat, the question? > "Well, durning > this time, NeoVid: Durn that consarned time! > Crystral and Misty meet. > Crystral want to see who 'Stupid' > trains his Pokemon, Mua:...huh? Zeek: That means anybody in the series. >and Misty wanted to > see how Richie train his Pokemons. > Lucky, Crystral had a few wigs from > Celerualon, R. Jak: The world famous tournament for celery lovers. > and give orange Crystral Jonatan: Don't do that! Do you know how rare the orange ones are? You'll need to find all seven to get an extra life! Mua: Don't feed Crystral after Midnight. ALL:... Elsington: What about you? > like to Misty, and Crystral and Misty NeoVid: ...and Crystral and Misty, and Misty and Crystral and Misty and Crystral and Crystral and Waldo and Misty and a frying pan and Crystral and the Jolly Green Giant... Mua: Mua gets the point. > change clothing." NeoVid: Well, if you insist... R. Jak: Put your shirt back on, Neo. > "Who is 'Stupid'?" > ask Ash. NeoVid [Joy]: Here, take this mirror... Jonatan: Apple core. Mua: Barnyard store. Jonatan: Who's your friend? Mua: Mua! [A large bag of popcorn explodes over Mua's head] Mua: Itai...X_X! >"Ash Ketchum, according to > Crystral." replied Nurse Joy. right into that one.> thought Ash. Mua: Sadly, he's completely in character. Zeek: You could say the same if it was Gary. >"One > more question, how do you know all of > this?" asked Ash. R. Jak [Joy]: Who cares? Give me loving! > "My family" replied Nurse Joy. NeoVid [Joy]: The Don told me to watch out for troublemaking snots. Eslington: I see... Joy is Family. Jonatan: The Pokemob is at it again. Mua: Either your signature or Piakchu's brains go on the paper. > "Plus, this is Riche's and > Crystral's home town." "Richie is from > the Orange Islands?" asked. "Yep." > replied Nurse Joy. Ash fainted. R Jak [Ash]: He's got a *hometown!* I can't take the shock... [*thud*] Jonatan: ARE YOU AFRAID OF A LITTLE BLOOD!? > ####################################### > > "WHEE! That was fun! Tenty" stated "I > love Tentacools" Mua <"I love Tentacools">: OK, this time, I'm on top. >"THANK YOU, CRYSTRAL." NeoVid [Tenty]: I didn't even think a human could bend like that... SD: When did Tenty obtain the voice of god? > replied . "No, Thank you, Tenty." > remarks Crystral. "Tenty, Mua: Batman. >RETURN!" Mua: Tech hit. Points for Mua! Joy! > replied Richie. > > Richie sees a familar buidling in the > distance, the building of Pokemon > Center. Eslington: A building for familiars? This isn't going to become one of those "Pokemon is a tool of the devil" rants is it? Mua : Pokemon aren't cute. I am cute! Pokemon are the devil! > "We back home for a bit. Plus I > need to full up on Medince NeoVid: You like Medince, too? Mua: Medince's not sweet enough for Mua. > before a > dare to tackle any more Orange Crew's > gym leader or trainers here. R. Jak: And before he gets arrested for assault. Zeek [Richie]: Last time I tackled one, he sued me for the bruising! > Plus, I > think youn't the real Crystral." > > "WHAT? I'm as real as Sparky, Zippo, > and Happy." S.D. [Richie]: Sparky isn't real. Jonatan [Crystral]: Oh. Eslington: SWEETO! > replied Crystral. "Yeah, if > you are Crystral, then a talking Ditto > ." remarked Richie. "Yeah, I'm a Mew." Eslington: Well, Misty can be quite mean sometimes. NeoVid: I am not a Mewsed. R. Jak: She is. (R. Jak points to S.D., who has turned into a Mewtwo.) Mewtwo: ... Zeek: I didn't think Thinker was around... [Jonatan takes out a remote and changes SD back to normal.] Jonatan: Change the channel! Prime Time! Mua: Mystery Science Theater 3000! [ALL stare.] Mua: ...What? R.Jak: You're living it. Mua: So? [A flash. Servo Replaces S.D.] Servo: Then I ram my ovipositer down your throat and ley my eggs in your chest, but I'm not an alien, heh heh. [Flash. S.D.'s back.] Jonathan: Hey! I thought you were anime only. S.D.: So did I. R.Jak: Blame Kooshida. [ALL look at Mua, who's smiling sweetly and innocently. Unbeknowst to the rest of them, he's sitting on a remote control.] > replied Crystral. "Misty, remove the > orange wig." Jonatan [Richie]: And then your pants... R. Jak: Shorts. Jonatan: That too. >replied Richie. "How..did > you know...?" replied Misty. "Crystral > talk very low. She doesn't that high. NeoVid [Richie]: It's never more than one toke at a time for her! > You sound worse then Sparky with a > cold.." replied Richie. Eslington : And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids! >Jessica run up. > "Hey! Richy? Where's Crystral?" > "Crystral and Misty changed places, > back when I was at Indengo Pleatu." R. Jak: Wherever that is... Jonatan: Who sneezed on the keyboard? > "If > Crystral is Misty, then where's > Crystral's Misty?" asked Jessica. "I > see a orange hair! Mua: And Mua sees the little silohette of a man. What's your point? >And the sea-bluish > hair of my brother, Tracy. Aslo a huge > black spike hair NeoVid: Dragon Ball crossover? R Jak: Now there's something that kids would pay to see. Zeek: I wouldn't... Jonatan: Heathen. Zeek: What?! Jonatan: I was referring to Jakobi. Mua: Actually, aside from superpowers, there is no difference between Son Goku and Ash Ketchem. ALL: Whoa. >with Pokemon League > hat is on his head." "Ash, got to the > same place. Well, I'm be a Mankey's > uncle." stated Misty. Mua: Would he stop replacing animals with Pokemon? > ###################################### > > While, Tracy and Ash were talking to Mua: The hand, 'cos the face wasn't listening. > Crystral. A purple hair waiter, Eslington: Agh! The hair people are appearing everywhere! Jonatan: [Joel Robinson] Wait a minute. The hair has a liver? S.D.: Well, if Utena's already here, then that must be... [blinks] I thought this *wasn't* a lemon... > swiped > Tracy's and Ash's Pokeball. And replace > them with empty ones. NeoVid [waiter]: Ha! Now their balls are useless! SD: [Waiter] I'm ready to take your order... AND YOUR POKEBALLS! R. Jak: I thought waiters filled your order, not emptied it. (pause) God, I'm so sorry... VOICE FROM ABOVE: IT'S OKAY, DUDE. Zeek: Is that God? Jonatan: I dunno. I'm agnostic. NeoVid: Hey, God! Can you stop throwing fireballs at the MMK? Some of us like the lugan. VOICE FROM ABOVE: I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. >The puprle haired > waiter walked outside to meet a > red-haired woman, dress in a white suit > with the letters R. Eslington: Today's pokemon were stolen by the letters R, Q, and the number e. > > "Good work, James." Jonatan: [James] Thank you, Moneypenny. > the woman say as > James places the balls in a huge > container. NeoVid: Lemon flashback... SD: Where do you see the... oh... > "Thank you, Jessie." replied > James, removing his waiter's costume NeoVid: LEMON FLASHBACK... > revealing a Jonatan: Lacy bra and panties. > white R costume. Jonatan: Can't win 'em all. > These two jerks are 2/3 of the idotical > version of Team Rocket. Mua: And here are their 1.5 children! >With Meowth, a > talking Pokemon, they try to steal > Pokemon, but with out much success, > since Ash stops them all the time. R Jak: Ever since he got that chainsaw to replace his hand, he hasn't let them off easy... > > "Let's get that pesty mouse!" stated > Jessie. > > "I with you." stated a Meowth. Mua : Yo, I with you, brothah. Zeek : I don't know, but I'm feeling Deja Vu again...I'm thinking we shoudn't...OKOK...But remember, I told you so... Jonatan: The signal's breaking up... Zeek's on the fritz again. I SAID we should've taken him to the shop for service, but nooo... Zeek: What the heck are you talking about?! > > ###################################### > > As Jessica, Richie and Misty neared > Ash, Tracy and Crystral. Eslington: Then what? DON'T LEAVE US IN SUSPENSE! >A huge smoke > bomb landed in the pitcher NeoVid: Sorry, he's no longer our starting pitcher. He's got a smoke bomb stuck in his- [*whap*] R. Jak: Don't slap yourself, Neo. > that the > Nurse Joy left out. > > When the smoke bomb was clear. Mua: That's it. Nothing to see. Go away now. Jonathan: Hey, wait, flaming wreckage! Everyone crowd around people! Don't be afraid! Everyone stare at the flaming wreckage. > Riche, > Jessica, Tracy and Ash were Jon [ominous]: -Two seconds from impending doom! > in two > cages. Misty and Crystral were behind > the cages. James and Jessie appeared. Mua: POOF! NeoVid: Actually, that's IC for them. > > "Prepare for trouble." stated James. S.D. : That's my line, you idiot! > "To unite all the people in nation" S.D.: Which one? Please, we're really desperate to know. > stated Jessie. "To prevent the > drestuion of the world" stated James. Zeek: You know how much drestuion hurts? R. Jak: Seventeen. Zeek: Huh? (R. Jak ^_^s) > "To deannouce NeoVid: Deannouncing. It's like announcing, but you make everything sound as boring as you can. Mua: Like WCW. > the evils of truth and > love." stated Jessie. "To send our > reach to the stars above." stated > James. Eslington: Gad... It's repeated practically every episode, how can anyone get the motto wrong? Zeek: We're talkin bout Thinker here Eslington. Mua: Man, Mua will have to listen to 48 straight hours of Hendrix, Third Eye Blind, and the Goo Goo Dolls just to balance out that one song. Jonatan: Aardvark, percolator, five cent cigar; Rhinestones, soup bones, midgets in a jar! Mua: ...what? Mua is confused. Jonatan: Well, it makes as much sense as your statement. Mua: What? You don't like Hendrix! Mua likes Hendrix! [Mua breaks out an electric guitar and begins to play All Along The Watchtower. He does it very well.] Mua: [Singing] There must be some other way out of here, said the joker to the thief! [Mua puts away his guitar and sits.] > > "James" shouted James. "Jessie!"shouted > Jessie. Zeek: "Spoon!" shouted Tick. Jonatan: "Tetsuo!" shouted Kaneda. SD: "Kaneda!" shouted Tetsuo. NeoVid: ...I've never said this because of a fic before, but AAIIIIGH! It's supposed to be "Jessie!" "James!" as a pun on the wild west legend! ....Hell, at least Thinker spells Jessie's name right. > "Team Rocket, blast off at the > speed of light." shouted James. Jonatan: Yes, do that. Leave us alone, Team Rockhead. Eslington: Heathen! Jonatan: Fanboy. > "Surrender now or prepare to fight!" > shouted Jessie. > > "Bulbsuar! I choose you!" stated Ash. NeoVid: No! That's wrong! S.D.: And so, for the first time in history, Meowth does not add himself at the end of the song. And there was much rejoicing. All: ...yay... Jonatan: [advisor] The peasants are rejoicing again! Eslington: [King] Just shoot them again, they'll stop! > Ash toss the ball outside. But nothing > happen and the ball just open up. R. Jak: You know, like what almost happened to NeoVid before we came in here. > "We swipe your other Pokemon. We trade > your other useless Pokemon back, Mua: That applies to all of them, actually. if you > give us Pikachu." stated Meowth. Eslington: Meowth sounds a lot like Shampoo in this fic. S.D.: Meowth's using pronouns. R.Jak: Unlike someone else? Mua: Mua? Mua wants to know if you were talking about Mua? R.Jak: Of course not. Duh. Mua: OK! Mua's happy! Mua! [R.Jak ^_^'s] > > "I rather eat a Tentacool that do > that." replied Ash. S.D.: Does that make Ash 'Top Trainer'? Mua: Mua doesn't like seafood. >"Richie? Did you > had your Pokemon?" NeoVid [Richie]: Yeah... almost every night for two months now... I mean, NO! What are you thinking? Zeek [Announcer]: Had you had your pokemon today? > > "Yes. But they were in a rough Pokemon > test Jonatan: That's one term for it. >with one of the Orange Island's > Gym Leader. I'm don't think they will > be up NeoVid: Yeah, give them at least ten minutes to recover. R. Jak [Richie]: They got rat-tailed real bad! >to battle against those guys > Posion monsters." > > "But I thought it just a skill test, > not battle skills." replied Ash Zeek [Richie]: NOW you tell me! Geez, some friend YOU are! > "Only when you not from the Orange > Islands." remarks Richie. Jonatan: [Richie] Unlike you weenies, WE play with *hard-core* pokemon rules! Yeah! > "And we open up the cage. If you hand > over the electric pain of thunder." Eslington: Uh, what? S.D. : We'll open up the cage. If you hand over the electric pain. NeoVid: I think it's "pane of thunder." Eslington : I don't have a pain. (Eslington gets struck by lightning.) RanmaX (over speaker): You do now! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Eslington: I am unsatisfied... > "NEVER!" shouted Ash. Mua : FREEDOM! > > ############################# > > Misty and Crystral took out their > Pokemon. Every one expect for Misty's > Pysduck. S.D.: Doesn't Psyduck usually come out whether or not Misty wants it to? Jonatan: Not since she wrapped it in duck tape. Mua: Ding! Zeek: Stop that. [*DING!* And it's a Weird Al ref! ^^ -J] [Yup. :)] >Misty's pokemon was Goldeen, > and Staryu. Crystral took out all of > her Pokemon: Seaking, Golduck, Dewgong, R. Jak: Ew. Mua: Booooonnnggg... > and a Porwag. NeoVid: Porwag. Evolves into Sadwag and Weekwag. > It turns out none of the > Pokemon would listen to Misty or > Crystal. Jonatan: They're a rare brand of Pokemon, known as Union Pokemon. > The only was Pysduck, who was > a dumbest thing that Crystral ever saw. Mua: A dumbest. Ack... [Mua begins to twitch, then hits himself over the head with a big mallet.] Mua: Mua feels better! Mua! > > > "I thought 'Stupid' was the dumb, NeoVid [exact Ash]: I am! I AM THE DUMB! > but > this is Pysduck totally brain dead. Zeek: Could explain why it's keeled over and not moving. S.D.: It's the second cousin of Duhvoyd of Braynes. >I still wonder why he's got pyshic > attacks?" ask Crystral. NeoVid: Kos he's silly. > "I still don't know." replied Misty. > "But that I try not think too much All: I'm shocked. Zeek: Pikachu's not here. > about that Pokemon. It's gives me a > headache!" > Mua: You know, Mua's not an English major, but this guy is the bane of every person in the world who respects the English language. S.D.: No. He'll just force them to either commit suicide or pull an Arlieth. NeoVid and Eslington: Who's Arlieth? R. Jak: Don't ask. > "I had a idea: I'm going to call Prof. > Holly up!" replied Crystral. Mua: And then he'll use his super arm to choke out Dr. Thinker! > > ###################################### > > Prof. Holly was a old woman that give > the words, "old hag", a new meaning. Jonatan: Now they mean, "Huge purple desk ornament." [Changed it. Objections? -J] R. Jak: Thinker! Be nice to your peers! > She was also the person who give > Richie's and Crystral's their Pokemon. Jonatan: In exchange for, *ahem*, a few favors... > "What's up? Crystral and Misty?" asked > Prof. Hally. "So yo want, ya Kinger NeoVid [Irish accent]: Yeh dirty Kingers have about hed it! > and > call Prof. Oak to send Ash's Kinger to > the phone booth you calling from.. NeoVid [Holly]: What? You want it faxed instead? I can do that. > Done! They will be come soon." Eslington: They will become what? Jonatan: The perfect sandwich? Mmm... SD: Ew! You can't eat Pokemon. Jonatan: So what do they eat in the Pokeverse? Plants? NeoVid: Yum, roast Oddish. SD: This brings up frightful topics. Jonatan: Yup. Let's discuss it later over a box of Chocolate Pockymon. [pause] Jonatan: Hey, there's a fic going on. > ###################################### > > A beam transported two balls down. Zeek: That line doesn't even need a riff. Mua: Beam Mua up, there's no intelligent life in this fic. The > two Kingers, appeared by the feets of > Crystral and Misty with in a few > seconds.. > > "Here's the plan!" replied Crystral. NeoVid [Crystral]: You see it? Good! Now fetch! > After listing to it. "Not bad!" R. Jak [Misty]: But where can we find four sailor suits at this hour? > ###################################### > NeoVid: They're crawling all over!! Yaaagh! > Misty and Crystral up over the fence Jonatan: Oh, so now they're on the other side of the fence. Well, I'd prefer an older couple, but thanks anyway. > again to get back into the cafe. Team > Rocket and Moewth will planing NeoVid [exact Meowth]: See, I told ya that flying lessons would come in handy! > on the > next threat. Zeek : I know! How about "Nyah"? Jonatan : I like "THBHBHBHBT" better. > "They is thinking of what do to my > Pokeballs to force me to give them > Pikachu." Ash stated. Jonatan: [James] We'll use this. [holds up a nutcracker] [The other guys instinctively cross their legs.] > "They are going > to be sorry." stated Misty. Eslington [monotone]: And this dialogue will now be made robotic. > "Hey! Team Rocket?" Crystral stated. Zeek: [Misty] Go away, we don't want any! > "Looking for battle. You come to right > Island." R. Jak: You look for fruit basket. It next island over. > "Go! Wheezing!" "Go! Arbok!" Eslington: [Arbok] Okay, okay! I'm going already! Sheesh, I just want to have fun too! > "GO! KINGER!" Misty and Crystral stated > at the same time. "HYPER BEAM!" > > Team Rocket took off in the sky. > R Jak: It's short! That was great! NeoVid: Yes, but what did they take off? > "LOOOOOOOK LIKE TEAM ROOOOCKET IS BLAST > OOOOOOOFF AGAIN!" stated Team Rocket. Eslington: That was even worse than the usual Team Rocket defeats. At least on TV they get the catchphrases right. Mua: And that's the upper line, due to the fact that The Rock said it's Never...EEEVVVERR true! Zeek [James]: I TOLD YOU SO!!! > ###################################### > > "Crystral. Thanks for keep a eye on Ash > for me." stated Misty > > "You weclome, Mua [Misty]: What did you call me!? NeoVid [Crystral]: You heard me. You weclome! > I'm got to get back > Riche's and his Tenty as soon as > possible." asked Crystral. :"The good > news is Jonatan : It's not contagious. > that our Pokemon is allowing to > us to order them again.. R Jak: Now the Pokemon come straight to your door in under 30 minutes! Zeek: Or it's free! > Good lucky, on > trying to control that Charizard of > you, Ash. NeoVid [exact Ash]: I'm working on it. *Whpp-CRACK* Jonatan: Is this before or after the time he challenged it to a swords duel? > See you, Tracy." > > ###################################### > > "Crystral was a good actor. Jonatan: Tasted like chicken. Yum. > You should > had ask her to stop as you at your > sister's gym. " stated Aash Mua: Okaay. > > "That's a good idea. If we meet her > again. I might ask her." replied Misty. > > "Where to, Tracy?" asked Ash > > "Who knows?" asked Tracy. R. Jak: Deeeeeeep, dude. Zeek [Tracy]: You have the map. Eslington [Ash]: I threw the map away. The map was useless! > "Then! Let's surf, Lapras!" replied > Ash. "May be will land on some other > island." SD: Yes, there's usually land on other islands. > ###################################### > "Where to Richiey?" ask Jessica NeoVid: I don't know where Richiey is! Jonatan: Hiding with Waldo and Carmen Sandiego. > > "I'm don't know?" Richie replied as he > climbed abard Tenty, the Tentacreul. > Jon [Richie]: To the Grey Archive, Tenty! > "Let's go, Tenty!" replied Crystral. > ###########THE > END################################### Mua: Whoohoo! [Zeek checks the doors] Zeek: Damn... > Pikachu's Sercet Mua: Pikachu does well on the Internet Pornography Sercet. Jonatan: Dude. Not cool. >A "Pokemon" NeoVid : "Poke-ee-mon." > Fan-Fiction by Dr. Thinker > > Note 1: Pokemon and all related > characters are Eslington: -Actually a world domination plot that hinges on brainwashing all children under 10. Zeek: I knew it! > owned by Nintendo. Note > 2: This story takes place after "A Way > Day Off". Note 3: If you like this > e-mail me at winkstwo@sssnet.com S.D. : Winkstwo. Evolved form of Mewtwo via 'Fanfic Stone'. Impossible to understand, even for a Psychic Pokemon. > ###################################### > > Pikachu was relaxing. NeoVid: Yeah... watching them swim around has a calming effect... Jonatan: Yes, very relaxing. I always take some Pikachu when I need a good night's sleep. > Pikachu was > thinking about his past trainer. Eslington: In those calm, quiet days before an idiot named Ash was even born. > Pikachu had got a few genes of Mew. Mua: Pikachu is already getting on Mua's nerves. S.D.: Pot. Kettle. Black? Mua: Mua pink, not black. R. Jak: You want to keep it that way? > Not > enough to get pyshic Pokemon or get > anything from mew. Just mew's strength > which Pikachu use to either power-up > it's thuder NeoVid [exact Ash]: Pikachu! Use THUDER! Mua [Pikachu]: [*facefaults*] *THUD* > attacks or defeneses > against creatures like Mewtwo or when > Charizard gets uncontrolable. It can Jonatan: Slice, dice and make julienne fries, whatever the hell those are. > speak the english but like Meowth, it's > perfect, almost as pefect as Meowth. Zeek: He even has the slight 'Joe Pesci' lull to its accent. Jonatan: Nahh..I say Pikachu is French really. It likes broad comedy too much. Not to mention he eats frogs all the time. SD: ...no he doesn't. Jonatan: [big demon head] WELL, HE SHOULD! > Pikachu speaks Mua: Speak. R.Jak:(ominous voice) The audience is now listening... >"If I speak like that > jerk cat, S.D. [Pikachu]: -Then they'll drop my royalty payments for not using my own dialogue. > I feel like a mega punch from > Lt. Surge's Raichu, got me right in the > guts." > > Unknown, a cat-like Pokemon NeoVid: HEY! Unowns are shaped like letters of the alphabet, not cats! >was watching Pikachu. Eslington: It was a Persian, who ate him. The end. R. Jak: Those silly Arab terrorists! Jonatan: I think he meant the Pokemon, Jak. R. Jak: Not the Iranians? All: NO. > "So that Pikachu knows to talk. Zeek: And they didn't even need the thumbscrews to make it talk this time. > I ask > why he hadn't desert Ash and join Team > Rocket. But I won't tell the dumbbells" > stated Team Rocket's meowth. Meowth. Mua: Meowth. Meowth. Meowth. Meowth. Meowth. Meo... [S.D. unsheaths the Masamune and smacks Mua with the hilt. Hard. He goes tumbling into the screen, then gets up and bounds back to his seat.] Mua: Thanks. Mua needed that. S.D.: My pleasure. *smirks* > ###################################### > > Pikachu relaxed in the river. Bathing > himself when the rest Pokemon. He got > Squrite R. Jak: Squrite: Obey your thirst. NeoVid: Umm..I think the only 'thirst' he's beying is the one for 'Pokemon LUV LUV action' if you catch my drift... Jonatan: Pikachu has more needs than that. [takes out a picture and hands it to NeoVid] NeoVid: [takes one look and quickly turns to the ceiling] Good freaking god. Poor Misty. Jonatan: It's a sick world out there. [puts the picture away] Now do you see the burden a bear? NeoVid: No. > out to hunted down and Sycher Eslington: Sychers... that's the word for someone with mental powers, right? Zeek: No, it's someone you send to fetch the left-handed wrench. > to get some lava. With his power, he > can make a Pokemon equal to soap in no > time flat. Mua: A soap Pokemon. Zeek: Soapachu! Eye sting attack! >Pikachu hear a noise. That > sounded like a cat Pokemon landing > right next to bank. S.D.: Unfortunately for it, there were pointy rocks next to the bank... > He turned to see > Team Rocket's Meowth. Mua: Along with TV's Frank. Eslington: Isn't he dead? R. Jak: Mortal weapons cannot kill the man. > "Pikachu? If you could talk, why didn't > you tell us to back off?" replied > Meowth. NeoVid [Pikachu]: Because you could already understand me when I said that, dumbass! Jon [Meowth]: ...OH! > > "You won't had breaks from you at all. > Even you guys need breaks." replied > Pikachu. NeoVid: ...Right. I think he need to go back to those remedial English courses. > > "Hmmm. Your right. I better not tell > this to Jessie, James, Butch, Cassidy Mua: The Sundance Kid... Zeek: Nurse Joy Eslinton:Officer Jenny R.Jak: Professor Oak Zeek: That weird psychic chick from the first season. S.D. Ryukage: Elvis NeoVid: Your mama... Jonatan: And what about the children? Mua: Mua don't give a damn about the children. > or Gionnavi." stated Meowth. Zeek: It's not wise to deceive the Don, y'know. > "Meowth." replied Pikachu. NeoVid [Pikachu]: Wait... some smart guy switched scripts on us! No one treats the star like this! > "Try to keep your thunder powers down > next time." Meowth stated. > > "As if!" ALL : What...EVER! S.D. Ryukage: Like, gag me with a Pika-Spoon! >replied Pikachu. "You will > pounce on me fast then your can say > full Team Rocket." > > "You me like this: > Tounitedallpeopleinourna NeoVid: ...What's an 'inourna?' Jonatan: A device for removing litigators. NeoVid: Right... huh? >tion. > Toprotectthenationagainstdrestution. > Tosendourreachtothestarsabove. Jonatan: [IRS ninja] HAHA, wehavearrivedatlastohgreatmastersothatmemighteffectivelyserveyouinthenameof Funk[*handjive*]andEVIL, HAHA! > James!Jessie!TeamRocketblastoffatthespeedoflight. > Surredernoworperparetofight. > Meowth'sthatright!" Mua: OK, who hit the fast-forward button on the projector? Eslington: And he *still* screwed up the speech. It should go like this. *AHEM* Toprotecttheworldfromde- Jonatan: BAD newbie! BAD! > Pikachu laughed bought half expected > companies and half unexpect companies. Eslington: So Pikachu became a CEO after learning speech? NeoVid: Smart move if ya ask me. > The expect companies come in the form Jonatan: [Wonder Twin] ...of ice bear! > of two humans that Meowth was always > with: Jessie and James of Team Rocket. Zeek: As opposed to Jessie and James of 42 Battenburg Avenue? > "You ring, Meowth?" stated James. R. Jak:(Meowth): Actually I sort of just buzz,not really a ring per se... > "No, I didn't Jamwit!" Zeek: He never does that stuff anymore. He hasn't been able to talk without an accent since the first time... Eslington: HAHAHAHAHA! JAMWIT! I'm going to have to use that one... > replied Meowth > has he clawed James. > > Jessie hit Meowth with her hammer. Eslington: After their popular series had ended, Ranma and Akane were forced to do performances in other series... > "Meowth! Why didn't tell that Pikachu > can talk?" ask Jessie. Mua : Me Jessie. Me tell people. Me like you. Me Jessie. S.D.: Red-hair woman strong, but red-hair woman talk funny. > "I just want to find out that he was if > that stupid kid, Ash Ketchum. > Rocketess." replied Meowth > > "Become he is my third trainer." > replied Pikachu. Jonatan: He am always be greatest trainer on Bizarro World! > "I'm your third trainer?" come a > unexpected voice. It was Ash Ketchum > with Misty and Tracy. R. Jak: Tracey?! Oh god, not this schmuck! NeoVid: Yay! Tracey! > "Ok! Every here of name of Richard > Joyan." replied Pikachu. All:(slightly whispering) Richard Joyan? [whispering of the name 'Richard Joyan' continue with occasional raised whispers of 'I don't know!] R. Jak: Is he that naked guy who won 'Survivor'? (all stare at R. Jak oddly) S.D. and NeoVid : No relation. > "Yes. He was very rotten Pokemon > trainer from Kaizanu Island." replied Tracy. Jonatan: [Tracy] Really spoiled meat. I puked for weeks. [others turn green] SD: I think I'll call a stop to further jokes about cannibalism. Jonatan: If you say so. > "It was famous for it's Pokemon. Eslington: Does anyone know any place on the planet Pokemon is set on that isn't famous for something linked to Pokemon? NeoVid: Why don't they just eat them like normal people? > Some freak of nature give those Pokemon > the abities to talk, Mua: So most of them can talk without training themselves how to do it for months like Meowth did? Jonatan: Dude, this is THINKER! You're not supposed to use logic in this! > but rumors hadn't > that he sunked into a tidewave a in > 1959. Eslington:(imitating a badly dubbed voice: They say it caused by monster known as 'Godzilla'. > And no one could find out with > any of the Pokemon surviced." S.D. : This isn't a Hachi-fic, this isn't a Hachi-fic, this isn't a Hachi-fic... > > "Then how did you get to Pallet Town > and Prof. Oak lab?" ask Ash. R.Jak:(Pikachu) Don't know, I was in a haze of alcohol and hallucinogens for at least 2 good years... > "Ever here of Jonna Mua: Dark. S.D.: --tan Streith. Jonatan: Oh, that's a riff that moves mountains, that is. [rolls eyes] > Ketchum?" > > "The retired Pokemon Master!" replied > Tracy and Misty. "The first female of > the Hall of Female Jonatan: Hmmm... hall of females...I'll have to pay a visit. > that wasn't a member > of the Mua: Ph3@r my... >Elites.." Mua: ...sk1llz dood! Jonatan: Tech Hit. 1000 points. [Mua glows cyan. He flashes the 3-D sign.] > > "But that's my mother!" shouted Ash. "I > heard Maira [Flash; enter ghost-Meira Kashoku] Meira: I never heard of the kid! He isn't mine! *pauses* Too young for it, anyway. [flash; S.D. reappears] NeoVid: (to S.D.) Fair warning. Don't turn into a catgirl anytime soon or Jak won't be responsible for his actions. R. Jak: Hey! Shut up! > Oak, calling her Jonna, one > time." > > "Why didn't you get your mother's > genes?" replied Misty. Jonatan: I used to get genes from my family all the time. Zeek: Really? *How*? Jonatan: Well, I *was* youngest. So when theirs didn't fit anymore, I got 'em. Zeek: Not those genes. Jonatan: Well, which ones were you talking about? Zeek: ...never mind. > "Tracy? Can you get me Misty's hammer!" > replied Ash. > > "Why?" asked Tracy, he brought it out. NeoVid [exact Ash]: Ew. Put it away, Tracey. > "I show you." replied Ash. > > Ash give Misty a few lumps, about 4 > lumps her 3 hits on the head. S.D.: I thought only females could use the Anime Mallet of Doom... Jonatan: Nopers. It works if the male wielder is cool and the victim is really obnoxious. > "Ouch! I thought only Pysduck give me > headaches." replied Misty rubbing her > hand. Eslington: Shouldn't she be rubbing her head? Jonatan: Not when brain damage screws up your spatial co-ordination. > "This is going no way fast." groans > Meowth. Mua: Like this fic, if this loon meant what Mua thinks he translated from Thinkerese. S.D. : "This is going nowhere fast"? Mua: Mua was right. > He saw that Jessie and James > where a laughing attack. R. Jak: The nitrous oxide ploy. Ingenious... >"Team Rocket > is running away for now! But we will > return!" replied Meowth. NeoVid: (Meowth) We will bring snacks and toys next time! > "Oh, great! Now we got more trouble to > get thought! Zeek: I think that little problem's been there to begin with. Jonatan: Oh, how I prefer Pokemon Adventures over this. > And that pun was not intend!" replied Ash. NeoVid: That's the beauty of it. Eslington: Or rather, the hideousness of it. > "I think I rumors that Mua: The new, numbah... > Mewtwo Jonatan: Tech hit. 1000 pts. [Mua glows cyan. He stands on the chair and does the 3:16 fists in the air.] Zeek: How the hell is he doing that? S.D.: Walkthrough? > is > helping people with Pokemon from a > unknown location. All you need to to is > to whiste!" S.D. Ryukage(Lana Turner): Just put your lips together and blow... Mua: Okay... (Purses lips) FFFFFFFPT! > ###################################### > > Mewtwo heard a Pikachu's whiste! He was Zeek: Annoyed since he was trying to level up on EQ. NeoVid: Who isn't? > shocked. It was Ash Ketchum, Misty, > Tracy, Jessie and James had discover R. Jak: -Cards, which explained why they never needed money... > that Pikachu history. He called > Alaskam. S.D. Ryukage: I always knew that the 49th state was nothing but trouble. > "Kam? Alask?" asked the Alaskam. > > "Erased the memories from Meowth, > Jessie, James, Ash, Tracy and Misty > that Ash's Pikachu can talk." > "SKAM!" shouted Alaskam. Jonatan: Such a sad fate. Once a famed fanfic author, now a pokemon. > ###################################### > > > "ALAS!" shouted a new Pokemon. Eslington [Pokemon]: Alas, such a sad fate... trapped for torment unending in an unintelligible world. > Ash wiped out his Pokedex. Zeek: Well, he shouldn't have put that magnet on it. R. Jak: [Ash] Oops. And I forgot to make a backup, too. > [ALASKAM: THE SUPERBRAIN POKEMON. This > one Pokemon that you don't want to mess > with.] NeoVid: [Pokedex] It's got cooties. > Ash got hited by a huge something and > feel a sleep. All: I FEEL ASLEEP! > Ash got hited by a huge something and > feel a sleep. He didn't know that his > Pokedex give out infomation on the > attack. > > [PYSHIC: Anything goes attack. Can do > anything from Fire Blast to erasing any > humans or Pokemon memories.] S.D.: No relation to 'Psychic'... [muttered] ...can't even be bothered to look up what the frigging move actually does; I haven't played in *years* and I still remember... > Meanwhile, high in the air in a > Meowth-balloon, which is your Mua: Q. basic Jon : Tech hit. 100 pts. [Mua glows cyan and does the Y2J opening taunt.] S.D.: ...now I'm starting to get irritated... NeoVid: You wouldn't like her when she's...*angry*. [Flash; Ran Fujimiya] Ran: SHI-NE! [neatly cleaves NeoVid in two with katana] [Flash; back to S.D., who is smirking slightly.] Zeek: Duct tape? R. Jak: Duct tape. (He works on NeoVid.) NeoVid: Dammit. Why are the reptilian ones always doing that sort of thing... > hot-air balloon in the balloon in the > formaiton of Meowth's face. Eslington: There was a format on Meowth's face? > "Looks like Team ROCKET GOT HIT A > PYSHIC ATTACK!" shouted the three R Jak: -Stooges. ...Wait, that doesn't change anything in this story... > Team > Rocket members has they conked out, but > lucky the fools had gotted high enough > that the ballon only floateds quietly > threw the Mua: Dark and stormy... > night... Jonatan: Tech hit. 1000 pts. [Mua flashes cyan and does the HHH DX crotch chops.] Zeek: That's it! Would you stop that? You're pissing me off so damn much! Mua: Mua doesn't want to stop. Zeek: Well, too friggin' bad, you little Koosh! Just stop! Mua: Muaanger doesn't anger want to anger stop angeranger. Zeek: Well, too bad. Stop. Mua: Mua doesn't want to FRIGGIN' STOP! [Mua eyes are glowing red.] Zeek : Well, c'mon, just stop, would'ya... Mua: INSTANT DEATH! [Mua transforms into a large, ink-black figure wearing a red vest and red jeans. He has red eyes. He looks at Zeek sadistically, with an evil grin.] Zeek: ...help? Jonatan: Nah. [What was once Mua jumps over to Zeek and throws him into the back wall, and, before he lands, gives him the Sweet Chin Music. Zeek is slumped in the back row. Mua reverts to his old self, and bounds back to his seat as if nothing happened.] Mua: Hey, everybody! What'd Mua miss? All: ... Jonatan: Well, there's an original gimmick. Zeek: Whoa. Deja vu. [S.D. is taking notes] > ###################################### > > Pikachu thanks Alaskam and Mua: ...puts on his pants and leaves a tip on the counter. > tells him to > thanks Mewtwo. Then Pikachu placed > Ash's Pokedex in his backpack. Then he > fell a sleep right beside Pikachu. All: ...? Eslington: Am I seeing double? Jonatan: Pikachu is beside himself with Joy. > Once Jessie and James quiet Team > Rocket, and Ash completes his quest. Jonatan: For the holy grail! > He will tell Ash to return him to his > Pokeball in English. Zeek: Kos French wouldn't do well. > This Pikachu is > royal, and is going to stay that way. Eslington(very camp Pikachu): Oh I am SOOOO Divine! > ########################THE > END################################### > > [Mua begins to dance, but sees oncoming text.] Mua: What the...? > Ash: Cute, Doc. Very cute. Misty: This > is only time agree with you, Ash. > Tracy: Can you guys cut in out. R. Jak: God...Don't imitate Dave Coulier! > Pikachu: Pika ka pika chu pika (Maybe > in a few years.) Pika Ka Pichu Pika > Pika Pika. (And his stories is so > fasle, I can't belive it.) Zeek: ...Damn. Does Thinker know the word 'facile?' All: Nah. fasle, I can't belive it.) Dr. Thinker: > Gloom Loom Gloom Oom Gom Om Gloom > (That's become is it fasle! It's just > fan-fiction) Mua: Mua mua MUA muamuamua MUaaamua! (That's not funny.) > The Cast member facevaults. S. D. : Facevaulting. The new Olympic Sport of champions. > Ash: I didn't know your > were Gloom, Doc. Dr. Thinker: I'm not, > Mr. Ketchum. I can make a perfect > imation of Gloom. Zeek: He's stealing your schtick, NeoVid... NeoVid: Naw, he's imating. I imitate. > Ash: Then your a > Ditto! Dr. Thinker: Misty, can I borrow > your hammer! Misty: Sure thing. NeoVid [exact Misty]: Nail me anytime. > Afterwards can your pow yourself for > his silly story. Eslington: Nothing like wanton violence to bring about friendship. > Dr. Thinker: Can't > argue with a lady expecty Akane-looking [Flash; W4] W4: EVIL! EVIL! [Flash; back to S.D.] S.D. : He isn't even from one of my *universes*... > runts. (Hammers Ash.) Mua: Thinker was probably hammered himself when he wrote this. > (Misty takes > hammer and hammerized Doc Thinker.) > Diane: Oh, great. Time to get the > Un-SuperDeformedCharacterMachine NeoVid [Thinker]: AndstophavingTAKAMichinokudubmywords! > or the > USDCM out. (Takes out a Eazy-Bake Over > with a bowls glue to the side). R. Jak: Because all your characters have to be baked before playing here. Jonatan: [frowns] That's one of my patents! How dare you steal it, doctor?! > [Fade to black] @@@@@@@@THE REAL > END@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ [Mua begins to dance again. He sees more text.] Mua: Stop that! > This is one of the stories where dreams > can help. Zeek: Mainly when the audience falls asleep. S.D.: You've never seen MY dreams, pal. > My dream was Pikachu talking > to Ash Ketchum and his friends, > revealing Ash's mother to be his > original trainer. NeoVid: Which explains why Pikachu hated Ash at the beginning of the series. Jonatan: That's not true! That's IMPOSSIBLE! R. Jak: Search your feelings, Ash. You know it to be true. Jonatan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! > In the worlds of Jeol and Mike, "So > what do you think?" Mua: NOOOOO! He quoted MST3K! Mua love that show! Zeek:(Clayton Forrester) I'd say it's time for the hurting to start! > Signed Dr. Thinker Mua: ... [He looks left, right, up, and down.] Mua: Whoohoo! It's really over! [Mua begins to dance to the song Basement Jaxx, Red Alert, which is playing out of nowhere.] R. Jak: Zeek, can I borrow your phone for a bit? Zeek: Sure. (He hands it off. R. Jak dials a number.) R.Jak: Orc, coordinates Victor Foxtrot. Now. (A Vulture class Battlemech crashes through the ceiling and lands full on Mua. The music promptly stops.) Eslington: ...whoa. Jonatan: Come on. Let's go. Mua: (squooshed) Mua not feel well...X_x Zeek: Got a rope? */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* The door opened and the tortured souls had finally come out of the musty and dark theater, only to be blinded by the drastic increase of light in the lobby. NeoVid got out a pair of sunglasses. "Now he's trying the Dramatic Lighting. Oooo, I'm impressed." "I'm not, rather overused." Zeek shrugged. "So what now?" Eslington asked which promptly, and sadly, and not surprisingly, caused a monitor to turn on with Ranma X.'s visage displayed. He appeared to have had been either severely beaten or sucked through a threshing machine. "Man, you look like you've tried to snog a Mokole," Jonatan idly commented. "Not that there's anything WRONG with that," NeoVid hastily added. "What happened? Not that we don't mind seeing you like this and all..." Zeek asked. "Heh...Um, lets just say it involves some sedatives, construction equipment, and some laundry..." Ranma X. replied nervously. "Oh, tried to sober up your cat again?" R. Jak suggested. "That brings back memories. Mmm..." NeoVid said. S.D. gave him an odd look. "You aren't part Date, are you?" "Mua likes paint thinner!" Assorted stares. "What?" "ANY-ways," Ranma X. said, changing the subject, "How did you enjoy my little torture," NeoVid Kaphwan-smiled, complete with *ping*. "It was fun!" Mua Mua-smiled, complete with *boing*. "Mua likes popcorn! And cheesecake! Mua thinks the movie was funny!" Ranma X. stared at him darkly. "OK, now how did the SANE people enjoy the torture?" "I agree with NeoVid on this," Jonatan agreed. "I SAID..." Ranma X intoned ominously. R. Jak shrugged. "Well, don't get my opinion. I'm insane too." "I've seen worse," said Eslington. "Not exactly mind-destroying material." S.D. rolled her eyes. "A walk in the park. I do better than that on my off days." She paused. "Give him a proofreader and he'd probably do well..." "Ah! But you have yet to experience the REAL torture!" "We have to look at you for another twenty minutes?" "NO!" Ranma X. snapped at . "You will just have to see...Push the button, John!" The Ender of Impros pushed a button which, to the surprise and delight of all except Ranma X., a trap door opened up under Ranma X. and he was gone from the screen. A horrified scream echoed from below. "What's that?" Mua asked. "I believe that would be the scream uttered when stuck reading a PJ/RyogaMKN collaborative work," John remarked. "Don't be silly," R. Jak said. "There's no such thing." He paused and looked at Jonatan. "Is there?" "But why? I mean...why did you help us?" Zeek asked. John smiled and uncharacteristically winked and snapped his fingers, then pointed at Jonatan, who reciprocated as well. The two, in unison said, "Snoochie Boochies!" "Yea...huh?" Zeek just blinked. "OHHH," NeoVid said, "they're really the secret identities of Bluntman and Chronic!" He paused. "Damn, that explains a lot of things..." "...You *are* part Date." "Zounds, Vidster," Jonatan muttered in disbelief, "You of all people should know how much I love spouting obscurities." Mua was thinking thoughts about Calvin and Hobbes, regardles that John and Jonatan had actually said something completely different. "Well, all members of the DGML have an inherent mystic mind connection. I just told him I'd buy twice as many T-shirts as Ranma X. did." "What?!" the regulars exclaimed in disbelief. "It's true," John noted, "And that totals to about... the Gross Domestic Product of Finland. Would that be in cash, credit, bodily fluids, or your respective firstborn children?" "Mua has cheesecake!" "Mua's gonna be booted through the ceiling too if he doesn't zip it," R. Jak growled. "Mua's going to get worse than that..." Zeek grumbled. "Well, John..." Jonatan smirked and cracked his knuckles. "I'll happily pay your little bill, no prob... once you've finished Do-Gooders." "Um, that's going to take a bit of time, "John sheepishly replied. Jonatan shrugged, while a rope ladder descended through a hole in the ceiling. "Them's the breaks, old friend. I'll be happy to preread for you. Well, see ya around, folks!" Laughing softly, he grabbed the ladder and vanished through the roof. The group looked up, then looked at each other. "How do we get out now?" Zeek asked finally. R. Jak shrugged and took out a remote control that activated his Mecha's jump jets. He then got aboard and ran it through the enterance, causing another load of property damage to the theater while the others walked out through the gaping hole. Just another thing to tick W4 off. But there is no such thing as sympathy. * * * In the theatre, a lonely man is curled up in the fetal position as text containing horrifying tales involving zombie porn scrolls by. "Damn...you, Woofer....Damn you..." * * * In some more remote part of the galaxy, Woofer sneezed. He was slightly mad sinced it wrecked his perfect score so far at the local putt-putt miniature golf course. THE END * * * Author Notes: Eslington: Well, my first try as roaster rather than roastee. Yes, I am aware how quiet I seem in this, guess I shouldn't have put off inserting my riffs. ¬_¬;;; If I do this again I'll have to try to get a lot more in. ^_^ Oh and I'd also like to take this oppourtunity to plug my MiSTings website. It's a little unsophisticated, but better that than having it be eternally under construction. http://members.tripod.co.uk/Eslington/index.html Mua: This is my (yes, I don't *really* speak like that) MiSTing for ImproFic Roast, and the first ever where Mua(!) was in the theater, and, while it was short, it was fun, and some of my better work (and some of my only work; the rest is Ep. 109 of MOT). Well, I enjoyed, and look for the Koosh Ball of Death(tm) in future MiSTings, and check out my upcoming chapter of Self-Extraction. Contact me (please) at LUIGI8888@aol.com. Visit my site at http://mua4.tripod.com/MuaLand1/index.html. Yes! Shameless plugs rule! Catch you on the flip side. NeoVid: Yay, it's over! ^_^ Well, this wasn't quite as much fun as it usually is for me, since finding out e X ! l e is giving up MiSTing has cast a pall over my humorifying abilities recently. But I hope I was up to usual standards... or unusual standards. Hey, it's Thinker, how can it not be funny? Jonatan: What, I'm not allowed to post my notes? I'll do it anyway! Stick it to The Man! WA HA HA! Erm, right. Well, not much effort on this one... mostly a newbie run, and nothing really inspired on my part. (Plus I've been harboring some irrational anger towards R.Jak for messing around with my character without asking. It's irrational, though, so I won't let it affect the story.) Still, pretty fun to meet new people. Thinker's pretty fun, but he's so incomprehensible that it's hard to do riffs on anything besides the spelling and misconceptions. I'm hoping for a bit more challenge in the future. Now, I need to prepare for MY session as the Mad. Fear. FEAR, fledgelings! Now where did I put my doctorate diploma...? Ripper Jak: Yeah, I know Jon's (pardon, I mean JONATAN'S) mad at me a little, but I'm sure it'll blow over. I'm sending him a Whitman's Sampler soon. Wait, I think he's allergic to chocolate. What the hell, I'll send him a beer. He'll be happy. Anyway, I'm probably taking a hiatus from the IFR scene for a while to let the new tykes have the run of the joint. Meanwhile, I think I'll be working a small blackmail business over in Dream City, with me having A.o.D's laptop and all. You won't believe what sort of stuff it has...er...*ahem*. Sorry, MOT plug. Gomenasai. ^_^ Play nice, kiddies. -Ryan "Ripper" Jakobi, Mercenary Loony for hire http://members.xoom.com/RipperJak S.D. Ryukage: Pretty cool. It's fun working with these guys. ^_^ Expect to see more of S.D. in the future at ImproFicRoast. ^_~ And now, let's plug! http://fly.to/sd_nexus - Shadow Dragon's Nexus. http://redrival.com/ccastlecrew/shinigamihigh/ - Part of the source for my Avatar. Read. Enjoy. ^_^ Now, if we can just get Mystery Shinigami Theater up and running... ^_~ "Never knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. Death hates that." (Anonymous) Zeek Silverfire: Rather quick, but was rather interesting, it was fun, although, I couldn't think of much...but ah well. ^_~ NEXT! ^_^ Z. Ranma X.: Yeesh. That was cool, but quick. Good roast guys, and I kinda apologize for the lame ending, but as I am now beginning my study of semi hardcore physics, I get less and less sleep. Anyways, lets keep going I guess. You guys all kick ass and all... One more thing: Why don't I have a pic? ^_^ I'm pretty secretive and all but... Thanks to John for letting me use him as a second banana and all. Jya ne. Ranma X. (New note: Thanks Jonatan for the nice additions and all -RX.) W4: W4 was arrained for playing hopscotch in a industrial area at the time of this and was thus unavailable for comment fnord. * * * EPILOGUE: In the air space above Torture Theater, a small and nondescript helicopter was quickly making its departure. Inside, Jonatan slid into the passenger seat, released the ladder and closed the hatch before directing his attention to the attractive pilot. "As always, you save me in the nick of time, dear." "Oh?" the girl noted. "You mean I should've arrived earlier?" "What, and ruin a perfect dramatic moment?" He took out a paper and started making notes. "Can't have that, Ushi-chan." He shook his head. "Tsk... using Thinker for torture? What on Earth was Ranny thinking? Still, could work..." He thought for a moment. "Let's go home, Ushiko. We have to... prepare." Jonatan smiled evilly. *OMINOUS EYECATCH*