*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Indie Madnesse proudly presents: IMPROFICROAST: Improvisational MiSTing or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Come Up With Riffs In Two Days http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net/ifroast.htm Episode 007: Pokemon OVA #3 A Lantern's Tale Participants: -Echo Albarn (echo_albarn@hotmail.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion -Jonatan Stretih (J_Streith@mailandnews.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, King of Ketchup -Majin (paladin_holy@yahoo.net) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion -Mark Poa (recklessflyer@mechpilot.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest Villain, Guest Editor -Ranma X (drstupid@geocities.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion -Ripper Jak (WYVERN5555@aol.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion -Zeek Silverfire (twarner@erinet.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* OBLIGITARY LEGAL BLAH MST3K & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Pokemon and its characters are copyright... ?help? Green Lantern and its characters are owned and copyright by DC comics. Author avatars and their characters are the properties of their respective authors. MISTING CLASSIFICATION [MEMIST]: Misting Of One's Own Work Mark Poa built the main story up, and he helped tear it down. He even edited the MiSTing. What a guy. ^_^ [MST]: Meta-Misting - Misting Of A Misting, Or A Unusual Misting The misting was completely improvised; see the ImproFicRoast home page for more details. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* The Indie Madnesse Theater of Pain is not often the site of happy happy stuff. It is more often witness to the screams and wails of tormented souls forced to watch the third worst thing known to mankind... bad fanfiction. Few people actually enjoy the experience of visiting it, and those that do are really sick puppies. */\*/\*/\*/\*/\* "Awright!" NeoVid said, "I've been invited back to the Theater of Pain!" Approximately .3 seconds after saying that, he was squashed into the ground by very, very large dragon. "...ahem," NeoVid said (not surprisingly) flatly. "Could we stop sparring just long enough for me to read this?" Skribulous chibified himself. "Sorry," he signed. */\*/\*/\*/\*/\* It is, therefore, a bit weird to see said Theater of Pain decorated with banners, balloons and streamers. It is also unique to find a buffet lunch being catered there. "No, no, no. I specifically ordered hotdogs and green jello! Not purple jello! And I didn't want iced tea mixed here! I said, bring some green tea, then we add ice to it!" W4, resident sub-admin and creator of the theater, berated one of the caterers. "Where do we put the Mylar balloons, Mister Woof-san?" a random caterer asked. "Over by the entrance, baka!" W4 then turned to two people moving a large plywood stage in place. "Watch the anthiriums, you fool! I paid good money for them!" The ample-bosomed Miss Secretary tapped W4 on the shoulder. "Excuse me, sir..." she said. "Don't bother me," W4 said harriedly. "Can't you see I'm decorating?" "But sir, the caterers said that two men in a Vulture-type Mecha just landed on their truck and are headed right here to talk with you. They seemed armed." "Miss Secretary, I'm..." He paused. "Armed?" At that moment, the doors were kicked in, and Ryan "Ripper" Jakobi and Zeek Silverfire entered the room, rather angrily. "W4, what are you up to THIS time?" R. Jak demanded, entering the theater and waving a piece of colored paper in one hand, and a rather large pistol in the other. Behind him, Zeek followed, cautiously looking around. "'We cordially invite you to a Closing Down Party at the Theater of Pain to be held... Just get your butts down here at the theater! We're having a party! Woohoo! Signed, W4,'" R. Jak read from the paper. He took a breath before continuing, "'P.S. PANTS!!!'" He raised an eyebrow in inquiry. W4 dipped a nacho into the prepared dip and took a bite. "Needs butter," he said before turning and addressing the two arrivals. "Why, R. Jak! Zeek! You're early birds for today. And regarding your question, it's just what it says. We're having a party!" He pointed to another hired help. "You, with the pornographic apron! Get those steaks ready! The guests are starting to come in." The hired help hastened to comply with the command. "This Theater's closing down? For real?" Zeek asked unconvinced. At that moment, Jonatan entered. "What's this about the theater closing?" Jonatan asked. Then, his attention switched to the buffet table. "Hmm... free food!" His gaze fell on the bar. "And drinks, too! Lovely." Eyes set on the bar, he strode forward. "Jon, watch out for that--" R. Jak warned. Two hired hands chose that moment to pass by Jonatan's path carrying a large potted plant. Not paying attention to the surroundings, he strode right into the plant. "--plant," Jak finished in time with the resounding crash. "Everyone else received an invitation?" Neo Vox said as he came in, followed by Mark Poa. "Glad you're here," W4 welcomed them. "I'm fine," Jonatan assured them with a silly grin, as he groggily stood up. "Didn't hurt." He quickly leapt over the bar and set to mixing drinks. "Hmm... needs restocking, but it should be enough for now..." "Yes, that's right," W4 suddenly said aloud. "The Theater's closing. It's way over budget." He produced a clipboard from under his coat. "So far, renting the theater out wasn't generating enough income. The maintenance of this place had also risen since that extra theater was added." He jerked his thumb in the direction of the aforementioned addition. "I knew I shouldn't have allowed Kate to do that." Suddenly a mailman entered the theater, delivered a postcard to W4 and left. "What's it say?" Jonatan asked from behind the bar. W4 held up the postcard for all to see. It read "Wish you were here in sunny Tahiti!" and had a picture of a girl sipping a pineapple drink on a beach. "'Hi, guys!" Neo Vox read. "Wish you were here! I'm taking a vacation in Tahiti. Hope you have fun there. P. S. It wasn't me! It was my evil clone!'" "Kate, right?" Jonatan asked. "Probably..." Zeek pulled out a sheet of paper, and wrote on it, then put it away again. "What's that?" Neo Vox asked. "Just a list." "Don't be stupid. You wrote down her address, didn't you?" "No, I didn't." "Well, you shouldn't have bothered," R. Jak replied. "I got her phone number." "Lemme guess," Neo Vox said. "911?" "How'd you know?" "Same one she gave me." "Did you start to tear down the place already?" Mark suddenly asked, a hint of concern in his voice. "No. Why?" W4 asked back. Mark grinned. "Oh, nothing," he said innocently. R. Jak elbowed him. "Don't tell me you're sorry to see this place go?" Mark just gave him a smile in reply. "Anyway, since Indie Madnesse is on a tight budget, we're closing this place down to cut cost. It was either that or sell some of the cast members of RECBT to the Grey Archive." W4 shrugged. "Er, W4, how much is this party going to cost anyway?" R. Jak asked. "Well..." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Two weeks later, Mervyn the Wonder Slug wept when he received the catering bill. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* "Um, excuse me?" The assembled people turned to the new arrival. He was dressed rather relaxedly, what with his "Akira" t-shirt, jeans, and headphones, cord trailing into a pocket of his army jacket. "Echo?" R. Jak identified. Echo sheepishly grinned, adjusted his glasses and said, "I received this invitation for a party..." "Sure, come in! The more the merrier!" Jonatan said from behind the bar. "A drink?" The others chorused in agreement. Mr. Knht suddenly popped in. "Do't mind if I joyn in?" "Fine. Just turn your Game Boy in before you get some alcohol," R. Jak said. Zeek noticed something. "Hey, Mark, you seem quiet today. Something wrong?" "Nothing," Mark answered back, still smiling. "We're still waiting for something?" Neo Vox asked. "I wanna start eating now!" "There are still some guests to wait for..." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Majin had been touring the various indie studios having decided to end with Indie Madnesse. As he entered the studio area, he noticed a movie theater decorated for a celebration. "Hey! Looks like some movie's premiering here," the young man stated as he walked towards the theater, completely ignoring what the signs and banners said. "I hope it's the rerelease of 'The Exorcist.' Always wanted to see that." He continued along this line of thought as he entered the theater. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* *SLAM* Everyone present turned and saw that the double doors had been swung open wide. They also noticed the silhouette of someone posing dramatically with the mandatory backlighting, all of which were rendered useless as the doors swung back closed knocking him flat on his face. The Majin picked himself up off the floor, grinned goofily, and scratched the back of his head. "Ehheheh, does any one know where I can get a ticket for whatever movie is playing here?" "Movie?" Mark said, doubt in his voice. "I don't think you'd want to watch the things shown here..." W4 smirked. "Just some quality fanfiction." Mark rolled his eyes. "Oh..." Majin realized it finally. "Fanfiction. What types?" "Well, they ain't PJ, but they sure as hell ain't any Fraundorf," R. Jak groaned. "Moot point when the theater closes anyway," Neo Vox noted. "If. Not when," Zeek emphasized. "I'm hurt, guys," W4 started. "Don't anyone of you belie--" Suddenly, a portal opened behind the newcomer. Two people and one dragon came out of it a tumble of legs, arms, and wings right into Majin. NeoVid was the first to stand up. "See, what'd I tell you? My teleports are completely reliable!" NeoVid's attention span ran out right then. "Oooh, pizza!" He ran towards the buffet table. "What's this place?" Majin looked around confused. "Welcome to the Theater of Pain," Signus announced, rubbing his head. "This closing down thing better be legit, W4." He held up Skrib and pointed the chibi dragonite's snout at the Mad Author. "If not, I have a dragon and I'm not afraid to use him!" he warned. Skrib smacked him with a sign reading, "" breaking free of Signus' grip and firing a blast of fire at his co-avatar. Signus puffed out a smoke ring. "" the dragonite signed in triumph. "Ok, everyone's here," W4 remarked. "I guess we can continue with the REAL party." He suddenly grinned maniacally. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The collected party-goers looked up from their food. "Huh?" they said simultaneously. W4 went to the far wall and threw down a switch. The room's lights were immediately shut off. Chaos erupted. "NeoVid, stop blasting stuff." "Whoops. Sorry." "It's a trap!" "Ouch! Someone's stepping on my hand!" "W4! I'm going to get you!!!" "Sheesh..." "Tis don't looke gud." "Someone's going to DIE for this." "I WANT MY MOMMY!" "Would you get off my tail?" "Hooker was a good cop!" There was minor silence. "Well, he WAS!" *>WHAAAAMMM<* *>WHAAAAMMM<* *>WHAAAAMMM<* *>WHAAAAMMM<* *>WHAAAAMMM<* "Hey, you missed me!" "Oops, sorry." *>WHAAAAMMM<* And there was silence. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* When everyone woke up, they found themselves in the theater lobby facing a large video screen. W4 appeared on the screen laughing maniacally. "Um... #12-A?" Jonatan suggested. "I'm getting a weird feeling of deja vu here," R. Jak noted. "I knew I shouldn't have come to the theater." "Famous last words," Signus noted. "OH MY GOD!" Jonatan suddenly exclaimed, face pale. "What?!" Neo Vox asked. "Where did the bar go?!" Jonatan asked, wide-eyed. Various facefaults occurred. "Damn you and your Nordic taste for alcohol, meatball!" R. Jak growled. "Finally, I have assembled you all here! This shall be my greatest experiment yet! Imagine, a theater full of victi--" The screen suddenly went blank. But the speakers carried sounds of a struggle. "W4, will you just quit it?!" Sig told the figure angrily. A hatch opened in the ceiling and a tied-up green mass fell down. Unfortunately, no one bothered to catch him, so he ended up falling flat on his face. "Mmph," the tied-up subadmin complained from his prone position. "So I guess that means he's not W4 then?" Skrib commented. Signus smacked him on the head. Ranma X suddenly appeared on the screen, laughing maniacally. "MWAHAHAHAHA. Now I shall have my revenge on W4 and place all of you through HELL!!!" "I'm pretty sure that's laugh #78," Zeek noted. Jonatan shook his head. "It's #77.8. It's similar to #78 but there's a slight difference in the timbre." "You sure?" Zeek asked. "Positive." "Only fools are positive." "You sure?" "Positive. HEY!" "I got it! Ranma X double-crossed W4!" Neo Vox suggested. Signus rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Mr. Obvious." "Now, I'll--" Ranma X started. The screen suddenly went dark again. Sounds of struggle were heard. "We seem to have problems getting a suitable Mad," Echo noted. The rest sweatdropped. "You think it'll be Jake this time?" NeoVid asked. W4 answered, "Mnnnhnnf mmppph hmmphmmph." Translated, that was, "His RVSP said, 'The hell I will.'" Ranma X suddenly materialized in mid-air and landed unceremoniously on his behind. "Oof! What the he--?" He looked around. "ARRRGGGHHH!!!" A figure wearing a hockey mask suddenly appeared on the screen, dressed in Standard Mad Scientist Attire(tm). "Yes, scream. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" the figure laughed. "Hmm... #43-C," Jonatan noted. "Our Mad Scientist is a Friday the 13th reject?" Echo asked rhetorically, "I've always wanted to kill Jason myself..." "So, are you the last one?" Neo Vox asked sarcastically. The masked figure looked around the room and shrugged. "Seems like it. I'm the last one in the room," he explained. "Oh, okay." The figure resumed laughing. After about ten seconds he stopped and hacked. "Lack of practice," Signus noted. "Amateur," Jonatan stated. "Silence!" the figure rasped. "You don't suppose it's Thinker?" Skrib suggested. "I NOT THIKNER!!!" Mr. Knht complained. "No, his speech is fine." Zeek remarked. "My true identity is of no consequence," the masked figure said. "Just call me the Mysterious Mad Hockey Mask Wearing Figure, or MMHMWF for short." He powerposed. "I offer you a bargain. If you can choose six people to enter the Theater, watch a show of my choosing, and survive, I'll let you go." "I think we should just call you Sally." Majin said, still grinning. The Mad scientist glared at Majin, though the effect was diminished by the mask, meaning no one saw the glare. "And if we don't?" Jonatan asked. "Mmphh," W4 agreed. "Then, you'll ALL have to read the fanfiction," MMHMWF answered. Everyone gasped, except W4, who was still gagged. "Hey, why aren't you people untying this guy?" the newbie said as he walked over and started getting the theater's creator unbound. Several of the others shrugged. W4 frowned as he removed the remaining bonds. "Well, there's ingratitude for you." "I'll return for your choice after five minutes." The monitor blinked off. The assembled cast went about their selection in a rational way. "You do it!" "No, you!" "I don't wanna!" "Why, don't you do it?" Okay, so they resorted to arguing. Before the time limit was up, though, someone decided that they should just draw straws. Everyone agreed and the selection was made. "The universe hates me," Ranma X noted. Zeek gagged. "Not again..." "I'm going to need a drink," Jonatan said. "I'm...oh, fecalballs," Echo paled. "I'm in!" Majin announced enthusiastically. He looked around at the stares. "Is that a bad thing?" "New?" NeoVid inquired. "New," the others agreed. "Okay. It's just Think-I mean Knht, Vox, Jak, Skrib and me now," Signus said as he picked up some new straws. The group drawed, and there was silence as they compared straws. "Looks like it's Jak," Neo Vox said sadly. "He has the blue straw." R. Jak blinked. "I thought it was the short straw." "You're already a martyr, Jak. Don't be a cheater too," Skrib signed with a grin, then hid behind Sig as Jak nearly hit him. Zeek scratched his head. "Is it just me, or is someone missing here?" "Hey, yeah. Where'd--" Jonatan was interrupted when the Mysterious...er, MMHMWF appeared again on the monitor. "Looks like you made your choice. Everyone else can exit the lobby and go to the buffet. I have the doors locked anyway, so you cannot leave," the masked figure announced. Everyone, except the six chosen, cheered. Once the room's doors were opened, they ran out of the room, wishing the six remaining the best of luck. Echo yelled at the retreating backs of the freed people, "Save some for me! ...please?" The Majin had stopped grinning by now and had taken on a look of concern. "I am now having a bad feeling about this." "That's what we call 'reality setting in'," Zeek muttered. "Good thing I brought the beef jerky this time," R. Jak muttered, drawing a jumbo pack from the pocket of his trenchcoat. "No use griping. Just enter the theater," the MMHMWF ordered. Jonatan shrugged. "Oh, well. Best make the best out of this situation." "Uuuuh, sure thing, Sally," Majin said with a grin. "Stop calling me Sally!" the masked figure shouted. "Get going!" "Just to note, Mr. Ski Mask. You're dead meat when this is over, for I know where you are." Zeek glared and kicked the wall. The fanfic sign installed in the last episode lit up. "WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!" "Yippie-ki-yi-yay," Zeek deadpanned. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* DOORS: 6: It's the Energizer Bunny that just keeps going and going and going and going and going and going until it steps on an N2 mine which causes it to get blown to smithereens. 5: It's an army of demonic furbies! They chase the riffers to the next door. 4: It's a giant sized whatchamacallit. Nobody knew what to do with it, so they just climbed over it, then looked at the ingredients. 3: It's a matter dissolution beam from "Tron". The riffers are zapped into a computer, where they journey towards door #2. 2: It's Link. Zeek chases him off. 1: Oddly enough, the Theme from 'Green Acres' Plays as you open the heavy iron door. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* [All enter the theater and take their seats] Ranma X: Just wondering, who the hell are you any way? Majin: Right, I haven't introduce myself, have I. The name's (V)ajin. Echo: (blinks) How'd you do that? Jonatan: Would you believe, trade secret? ^_^ Majin: But you guys can call me Majin instead. Fewer heads'll explode that way. Zeek: Like yours? >POKEMON OAV Vol #3 -- "Dewatering" Zeek: Or "How to drain your Pokemon". Majin: Make them watch Larry King. > by > Dr. Thinker ##################### Ranma X.:(deadpan) Ooh...a classic... > > Ash had make himself a campsite right > in the center of the Mt. Moon. R. Jak: And boy, were the conservation folks pissed. > His > Pokemon, expect for Wartortise are out > of the Pokeballs. He is feeding them > Mushrooms that he. Echo:...thought were mushrooms at the time, but were actually baby Goombas. Zeek: Look at the size of that Pokemon... I've heard of quick-growth 'shrooms, but this is getting surreal. Jonatan [Tripping Pokemon]: Like...Piiiika Chuuuu Man....Piiika Piii... > He mention that he > been inside Mt. Moon for 6 days since > after leaving Pewter City. Ranma X.: And BOY, did he smell bad. > He is on > the lowest lever and they is no end to > the underground maze. But on the upside > of things, Ash had got a Onix, a > Geodude, and a Zubat, and even a > Celefairy. R. Jak [Celefairy]: Ooh, get away! I'll scratch your eyes out. > Ash even wonders why he > faces a few members with R on their > shirt. Jonatan: As opposed to, say, mooning them. > A kid comes up to Ash and tells > that Team Rocket near the last the > ladder to Celeruan City and just head > south and you reach the ladder > downloards into what was once part of > the Unknown Duegoun. Ranma X.: To which Ash just blinked a few times and said, "What the hell are you talking about?" > Ash makes and sees two strange outfited > R mans. They are Ronald and Rick. Ash R. Jak: ...quickly mocks them on the idiocy of a clown mascot and a washed-up actor working together in Team Rocket. Zeek: Which wouldn't be surprising, actually. > makes quick work of both them with > Zubat and Rattata which get a few > levels up. Ash moves to the exit, but > some stops them. She's a Pokemanic and Echo: Clinically insane. Zeek: That's redundant. > attacks Ash with her Pokemon. Ash uses > Geodude to stop the shocking and send > her Pokemon back. The Pokemanic founded Echo: PA, or Pokemaniacs Anonymous, a place where you CAN get help... > the fossil and come back to guard them, > back some people had reported them to > Team Rocket. Zeek: Gosh, I love the incoherency of these Thinker stories. R. Jak: Me, too. Zeek: (glares) I was being sarcastic. R. Jak: You were? > Ash sighs and he walks the path to > Celeruan High Hill Path. Ash has he > climbs down, remarks > ÐÏ à¡± á Ü¥e Echo: Gesundheit. Majin:It's an alien code...everyone get out your secret decoder rings, quick! Jonatan [Cornfed]: Either you're blathering, Duckman, or you just told me in Swahili that my scrotum is many-colored. Majin: It is? All: SHHHHH! > about making Celeruan > citizens can really make "a moutain of > mole hill." Echo: Ah, we're bending reality already...taking holes and making them into matter...anyone got aspirin? Majin [sings]: If I weren't a fanfic riffer...you know what I would be...If I weren't a riffer...[speaking now] A camp cook I would be...[says repeatedly] PILE THE GARBAGE. PILE THE GARBAGE. PILE IT TO THE SKY! PILE THE GARBAGE. PILE THE GARBAGE. PILE IT REALLY HIGH! Jonatan: I think I'll desensitize myself right now... > > Ash lands on grass Ranma X.: Hey Ash, I'd like some of that grass please. Zeek: No chance of that Darkboy. R. Jak [trippy]: Duuuuude... the Lapras is meeeeeeelting... Majin: ...and then let out a blood-curdling scream. Echo: Bad acid? Majin: Oh, wait it says "GRASS" not "GLASS" > and he walks out, > but not before catching a Enaks and a > Sandshrew. Zeek: I shrew. Echo: Gesundheit. Majin: You do? Zeek: No, not really. > Ash walks finds a Pokemon > Center and post right next to it. It > has the follow: R. Jak: Is that contagious? Majin: I'd imagine. Jonatan: Drink a lot of water and vote Republican, and it'll go away. > Misty Flowers is the young of all the Jonatan [author]: Sweet sweet lovin' that goes on in Cerulean City! (Majin bashes Jonatan with a baseball bat.) Majin: Next time it's the mallet for you. Jonatan: (grinning) So you're a fangirl, then? Majin: Nope, just prone to using Warner Physics. Jonatan: (shrugs) Same thing. > Gym Leader at the present time. Her > father was John Gardern, a person who > disliked grass Jonatan [Gardern]: Grass... grass... IT'S ALL AROUND ME! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF! *WHY*, GOD, WHY? Echo: So Misty went off to California, searching for a future, but finding... The Days of Weed and Lotuses... >Pokemon because of it's weakness to Majin: Hash Brownies. > fire. Jonatan: Just like... I don't know... most organic-based life forms? Zeek [Wicked Witch]: How about a little fire, Scarecrow? (Majin starts humming the wicked witch's theme.) > He make his Seaking > so powerful that no one expect a few > trainer past him. Zeek: So out of total boredom, he forgets his training, and goes all out water pokemon, not paying attention to the plotline in which he knows in the future, one young twerp with an electric rodent is going to come here, and beat the crap out of everyone, becoming the greatest pokemon master to mortal man, and eventually end up taking over the world. R. Jak: Don't be anal. This is only Thinker. Zeek: Sorry, got carried away. > John Garden was killed by a cancer. Ranma X: Which is still at large. Jonatan [newsreader]: The cancer was seen boarding a train to Chicago! Zeek: This did not however affect John Gardern. Jonatan: Because *some* of us have to resort to grammar riffs. Echo: What's your deal? Jonatan: Cheapness, that's what's my deal. > We don't where he > got it. He might had got to his family. Majin: So THEY did it! Echo: (nodding) It was a conspiracy. > Misty loves swimming and care for > water Pokemon. RanmaX: Remember, kids. Swimming causes cancer. You heard it here, first. > She has three sister. > Daisy, Lily and Jonatan: Joe! [ALL except Jonatan blink.] Zeek: "Joe?" Majin: Do you mean "Jo?" Jonatan: Look, new guy, I'm trying to cope. Bug off. Majin: ^_^ > Voilet Flowers. Echo [Horrid French accent]: Voila! R. Jak: It's Voilet, hon! > Althought Misty called them, "Dazer", > "Dater" and "Dumber". Jonatan: As opposed to "Dy--" Echo: (quickly covers Jonatan's mouth) We DON'T want to hear about it, Jon. Majin: When she gets another one, she'll call it "Dieter". Ranma X [Dieter]: Dance, silly Pokemon! Majin [David Bowie, singing]: Dance magic, dance. Dance magic, dance. > I guess you can > say Misty has very D- attidue to her > sisters, Jonatan: Misty has very D- attidue to her sisters and has a D-cup to prove it.. Echo: And now I guess you can all say, "Hugbees!" ALL: HUGBEES! > but A+ to her Pokemon and > would-be Pokemon Masters. > > Sign The D. Man R. Jak: Ooh. The Dead Man. Majin: A comic book reference? Jonatan: No, it's supposed to be "Demon". Pokemon are infernal, after all. Echo: Today's Thinkerfic has been brought to you by the letter D. > Ash knocks out Daisy's Seal, Majin: With a club, made a nice coat of it... Ranma X [Kamui's mom]: Kamui, you must go to Tokyo. Jonatan [Penny]: And lo, the seal was broken. Echo [Grimm]: And Greenpeace appeared, and lo, his face was wroth. > ruins > Lily's Goldeen, and gets pain to > Voilet's Staryu & Golden, all Zeek: on time, and underbudget, the pokemon union #1174. > with Pikachu. A familar face appears to him. > It's the girl he meet in the mesaum. Echo: Ash met someone in the Mesezoic? RanmaX [Misty]: So, what are you doing here, tall, dark, and Jurassic? > Ash mentions "I hope you a Old Fathiful > when it's comes to water". Jonatan: Which is an obvious euphemism for... Zeek and R. Jak: No, it isn't. Jonatan: Whatever. Majin: Let me guess... He's always hentai, isn't he? Jonatan: Don't try to typecast me, you hoser. > Misty smiles and laughs. She goes first > and attacks with Staryu, but Pikachu > roastes Staryu and Stormie. R. Jak: And Stormie wasn't even IN the match! That's how good the yellow rat is! Jonatan [Clive]: Stormy, blow a hole in his chest. Majin [Storm]: Nothin' doin', Clive. We're supposed to protect the guy. And don't call me "Stormy." > Let's just > said, Misty's in shocked and hands Ash > the Casacade Badge. Then she calls Ranma X.: A cab and goes to Vegas to binge on Alcohol, Keno, and pokemon that excrete illicit substances. Majin: You just ooze dark matter don't you? Echo: Nah. He just oozes Takahashi fanboy. > "Dazer" (Lily), "Dater" (Voilet), and > "Dumber" (Daisy). She chew on them Jonatan: Whoa! @_@ Echo: Hey! That's not nice! Majin [Misty]: *gnaw, gnaw* You taste like butterscotch, Dazer! > and > tells them they need to become Undazer, > Undater, and Smartful. Zeek: We recommend Misty become "Proficient in English". Echo: "Smartful". This is the future of our country, ladies and gents... > Like she is. Jonatan: I just want to know what an "Undater" is. Does she run into restaurants and throw paint on dating couples? R. Jak: I thought Jigglypuff did that. > She > tells Ash to make sure to had a rock > Pokemon heading for the up-coming > trainer. R. Jak: You'd think a brick would be enough if it's meant for the trainer... Jonatan: That's the future of Pokemon. Don't bother with training pokemon, just hide behind a bush with a brick, and wait for another trainer to come by. > Ash runs out and heards nears > about some Team Rocket member call > Rick! Echo [British accent]: Rocket. Rick Rocket. RanmaX: Oh no. Not RICK. Zeek: From "Silver Spoons" to Pokemon pilfering. How the mighty have fallen. > Ash runs into the building and > out the hole. Rick notes the kid, and Majin: And tells Sam to play it again. Echo: Wasn't it the girl who asked Sam to play "As Time Goes By"? Jonatan [Rick]: Here's lookin' at you, kid. > takes out his Pokemon. Ash to > Wartortise to catch Rick and hand him > over to the police. Zeek: (blinks) Did I miss something here in plot? Echo: I think he was calling it in chess notation. R. Jak: White Wartortise to b-5, capturing black Rick (!!). Check. Jonatan: You sunk my battleship! Majin: Yahtzee! > As award, the > police office picks a item and give to > him. Ranma X [cop]: Here. Have a rock. Echo [Ash]: That's not a rock! That's a week-old donut! > It's a dig mechine. He discover a > small section for storing items in the > Pokedex and please the item Jonatan [Dig Machine]: You don't store your OTHER devices that way, Ashie-poo... > into the > disc. Ash makes run to the southwest, Echo [author]: For Ash enjoys his Peyote... (All stare.) Echo: What? Peyote! Hallucinogen! Oh, never mind. Ranma X.: I know! I just don't think there's enough mescaline in this world to justify Pokemon. > only to stop to camp out for one more > day. Zeek: So by the time this is over, ash is 105? Jonatan: Oh, he'll live as long as there's still merchandising. They're good at that... (eyes roll back) This child of ultimate sin will be known as [ASH], and he shall possess the Voice of Helium and command the unholy power of the Yellow Zappy Rat. [ASH] shall journey forth across all the nations of the world, swaying them with his demonic charm and slowly, but gradually, Catching 'Em All. Others: ... Jonatan: (returns to normal) Whoa. Majin: I'm just waiting for your head to do a 180. > > #####################THE > END################################ Echo [Shakari]: SCENE CHANGE!!!!!!! R. Jak: AH! Make that pound button noise stop!! Zeek: That wasn't that bad...CAN WE GO YET? Majin: PLEASE? Echo: Pshyeah right. Believe you me, this is nothing. I was an assistant for a while, yaknow. Jonatan: The suffering never ends, although the initial pain lessens with increased exposure. I wonder if that's a good or a bad thing. (A moment of silence.) MMHMWF(V0): That wasn't the fic! Jonatan: It wasn't? (Sounds of grumbling and shuffling were heard.) MMHMWF(VO): Ah, here it is! Prepare to suffer! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! > Ranma X: Oh, great! That Thinkerfic was not it? Echo: What could be worse than that? > A LANTERN'S TALE Majin: (Turns to Echo) Something like this? > by Mark Alvin L. Poa R. Jak: Alvin? Zeek: Mark ALVIN Poa? You mean the one who was in the lobby? (All laugh.) Ran.X: (Giggling) Proofread by Simon and Theodore. Zeek: (Snickering) No wonder he doesn't use that name. > -- 09836926@mail2.dlsu.edu.ph Majin: Ph balanced for a loony. > ****************** > > Disclaimer: The name Green Lantern and Echo: ...all other names based on a lame color-noun combination... > all related names are properties of DC > Comics. All other characters in this > tale are the original works and > copyright of the author. Jonatan: For obvious reasons, DC didn't want them. > ****************** > > Brrrriiingggg!!! R. Jak: (Stands up quickly as if alarmed) Ahhh! Football practice. Jonatan: Brrrriiingggg meeeee trrrrrrranqqqqqqssss! > Just five more minutes. . . Aww, who am > I kidding? Zeek [Passing idiot]: Not me...um...I think. Jonatan [host]: You're kidding Melvin Montgomery in Dayton, Ohio! Thank you for playing on "Who are you kidding?"! > I can't afford to fall R. Jak [Person]: The medical bills are *huge*... > asleep again. That's the third time I > set the clock. Mom's gonna be pissed > that I woke up this late. Echo [Mom]: The fic starts at 7am sharp. If you're not awake and narrating, you're grounded! No self-glorification for a week! > He got out of bed, turned the clock off > (made it disappear, actually), then Jonatan [Narrator]: Abracadabra! Nothing up my sleeve! (Echo begins quietly humming "Abracadabra".) Zeek: But a lot of contrivances up his-- Majin: A-*hem*! > went to the bath for his morning > routine. Ranma X: What? He does Tai Chi in there? Jonatan: No, he's practicing the lambada. Ranma X: Oh, that makes- huh? > Let's see today's Thursday the > fifteenth, right? Or is it the Friday? Zeek: (looks at his watch) Yes. Echo: Friday the 13th, if our tormenter is any indication. Jonatan: (looks at his wrist) It's hair past freckle! You're going to be late! > Looking at his haggard form in the > mirror, his face suddenly shot up. Ranma X.: Some sweet, sweet heroin so that he could go on with his life. > Ow, shhhhh----! Today's Friday! I'm > late for gym class! Jonatan: Is this a Green Lantern fic or Project A-Ko? > Spitting out toothpaste, Frank > hurriedly splashed water on his face Majin: And promptly melted. Echo: Wonder if Frank's related to Evil Kate? > and hair, combed it a bit, and hurried > out. His clothes were on his chair. Zeek: That didn't do much good since he was already down the street. Echo [Neighbor]: Good morning, Fra-OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE STREAKING! > Good thing I decided to get them ready > last night before. . . what did I do, > anyway? R. Jak [Frank]: Oh yeah! I was drunk! Zeek: If you remember being drunk, you weren't. Jonatan: *snort* > Oh, yeah, Jane called up. Man, Majin [Frank]: ...she's such a man. > that girl can sure keep a guy talking > for hours. Getting dressed, his > thoughts went back to Jane, Jonatan: Leaving his head empty and forgotten. How sad. > the girl of his dreams. Zeek: Too bad someone smacked him with the fish of reality and she poofed. Echo: If reality is a fish, then what are we? > They've been dating for a > while. Well not exactly dating. . . Ran. X: The police referred to it as "kidnapping." Zeek: Not that there's anything wrong with "Ransom." > they > went out together a couple of times > with friends. Frank never got Jonatan: ...a clue... > up the > nerve to ask her out on a real date. Zeek: So they went on a fake one, then? Majin: Yeah, the food was made of painted rubber, the waiter was a cardboard cutout... Echo: Every waiter is a cardboard cutout. > He > has known Jane since they were in the > third grade, Echo: When he put a frog down her shirt. > even gotten to be close to > her but as a friend never as a lover. Zeek: And as a Cuisinart once. Ranma X.: Was that before or after the "Lazy Susan" phase? > And Kilowog said I was fearless. Can't R. Jak: Kilowog. Sounds like an imaginary friend. Jonatan: And course you should always trust the judgement of people called 'Kilowog'. Yeah. Echo: I'm getting Eyrie vibes, here. This is going to hurt. > even ask Jane out on a real date. > Frank laughed at himself at the truth > of his statement. It's really hard to > risk losing a friendship by asking her > out, he thought. Echo: And it's even harder to keep the friendship when one runs to school buck-naked. Majin [Jane]: Hey, Frank. How's it hangin'? Jonatan [Frank]: A little to the left. Majin [Jane]: So I see. (*Rimshot*) > Anyway, got to hurry or Coach would > have my hide for being late. I'll grab > a bite on the way. Zeek [Frank]: Look, a passerby! *CHOMP!* Ranma X [Passerby]: AIIIIIEEE! > Frank flew through the window > surrounded by a green glow. Majin: So not only is he completely naked, he's glowing, too. Echo: It's the Radioactive Flasher! He'll show you his goods so you can't use yours! Jonatan [Fry]: Ow, my sperm! > ******************* > > "What the heck's the matter with you > today?!? Git your butts around that > track on the double!" R. Jak: And right away, we get into the suggestive homosexual overtones. > Frank could not believe his luck. He > was actually on time today. > Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be > cheering him up with this "40 laps > around the track" routine Coach Stanton > had planned today. Majin: And Frank ran like a girl. > Irony of the situation? Ranma X.: Huh? (points to himself) Me? No I don't see any irony in it thank you very much. Jonatan: Goldie maybe, but not Irony. > 14 down. 26 more laps to go. Man, wish > I were fighting some supervillain > rather than running around here. Majin: Sorry, Frank. Only the students in Advanced P.E. class get to do that. Zeek: Isn't the gym teacher a supervillain? Jonatan: They all are. > I'd > take on a bank robbery, terrorists, or R. Jak [Frank]: or Jesse Helms, or even Joesph Lieberman! Zeek: But don't have the guts to take on a real villian. > even the tooth fairy to get out of > this. All: Kill the tooth fairy! KILL! KILL! > It's a good thing that I'm in > shape for this or else I might be > falling down about now. Echo: Wow, Good thing he's totally spherical... > THUD! At that instant, one of Frank's > classmates just collapsed, exhausted. Ranma X [Classmate]: Can't... take... change of.... POV...any... more... > ********************* > > "Hey, you okay, man?" Zeek [Frank, muttering into the ground]: You can't have my bud light. > Frank looked up. Tony was over him now, > looking worried. (ALL shudder.) ALL: BAD IMAGE! > "You almost made 40 laps. Think you're > dehydrated or something?" Zeek [Frank]: Yeah, well possibly, dehydration is a side effect of my condition, but I think it has more to do with the fact that I was running for 40 laps! R. Jak [Tony]: Just askin', thassall. Zeek [Frank]: Wanker. > Frank sat up. He had always thought of > Tony as a good friend, his best friend Majin: Until that whole incident where Tony tried to stab Frank with a cucumber. > actually. Trusted him with all of his > secrets, except for the secret identity > part. Echo [Frank]: Why, I'd lend him the shirt off of my back... if I wore one. > He tried to remember what > happened in gym. Jonatan: Tony asked if he was dehydrated. Zeek: Farther back. Jonatan: Tony looked worried. Zeek: Farther. Jonatan: God said, "Let there be light". Zeek: Too far back. > He remembered that he > was up to 33 laps (with a little help > from the ring) Majin: o/~ I get by with a little help from my rings o/~ (Echo baps Majin.) Jonatan: So he's a munchkin. Huh. > when he felt that he > should stop then. No sense in finishing > the 40 laps when he couldn't do it > before, might just make Coach > suspicious. Majin [Coach]: Nude glowing boys don't faze me in the least, but a kid that can run 40 laps? Holeeeeee cow! > I'm not dehydrated, not tired even. The > ring would take care of that. But > faking that fainting spell was more > painful than I planned. Must have > bumped my head on a chair or something. R. Jak: On the track? Zeek: It's one of those selective hallucinations. Jonatan: Or maybe the advanced PE class had been practicing for the Musical Chair Championship. > Remembering his friend, Frank replied, Jonatan: Do you think you're ugly, Frank? > "No, I'm fine." Ranma X: Narcissistic bastard. Hey, I thought you had forgotten those. Jonatan: How could I ever? > "You sure, man? You looked like you > almost collapsed there." Echo: Well, he DID, but... > "I said I'm fine. R. Jak [Frank]: So lay it off! > Anyway, our next > class ain't until after an hour. I want > to grab a bite." R. Jak [Frank]: Lemme see your neck for a minute... > "Sure! Your treat?" Zeek [Frank]: I left my wallet in my pants. Ran. X [Tony]: You use that excuse ALL THE TIME! > "Separate checks, cheapskate." > > ************ Jonatan: Should we make funny comments on those? R. Jak: Nah. NeoVid ain't here. > "By the way, big dance coming up next > week. Majin: Big American dance party! Everybody disco dancing! (All get up and dance in stylized animation, then sit back down.) Ranma X: What the heck was that? (Majin shrugs.) > Gonna ask Jane for a real date > finally?" Tony asked over a hamburger > and shake. Majin [Slightly crying Frank]: You...you don't love me? > "I'm thinking about it." Which was > true. I almost didn't get to sleep last > night trying to get the topic of the > dance into my phone conversation with > Jane in order to ask her out. R. Jak [Frank]: Note to self: "What's your favorite scary movie?" is NOT a good pick-up line. > Almost did it, too. Zeek: But the line got cut off. > "Oh, yeah. Been meaning to ask you, Echo [Tony]: Why are you such a putz? Wait, wrong question. > where did you head off to when we were > at the mall last Saturday?" Majin [Frank]: There are some places... some things... that a man must face alone. R. Jak [Tony]: Oh, the lavatory. You could've just said. > Tony asked > before taking a big bite off his Zeek: Sanity. > burger. > > "Oh that. . ." Jonatan [Frank]: Lost myself navigating through that bitch of a food court. Echo [Brodie]: Look, it's not the food court, this is an autonomous establishment for mid-mall snacking! > Would he believe me if I told him that Jonatan [Frank]: The shrinking dwarfs from Zzygz ate my toes? > the Corps contacted me to warn me of > the attack of Legion and that I hurried > over to the center of the Universe and > was almost killed by alien bugs? Zeek [Frank]: I must have used that excuse a dozen times by now... Jonatan [Tony, deadpan]: No. Wait. Let me guess. You were locked in a life-or-death duel with Sinestro AGAIN, right? > Maybe. > But still, can't let him know. Majin [Frank]: Um...bathroom. > "Uhh, my mom paged me on my pager that > she, uhhh. . . she needs . . . baking > soda! Yeah, that's it!" R. Jak: Y'know... the story about the bugs and the Legions was more believable. > "Hey, only asking. No need to get that > excited." Jonatan [Frank]: I've been excited since the day I met you, Tony... > He offered his fries to > Frank. " From the way you're acting, Ranma X: That is, woodenly and without emotion... > someone might think that you have a Echo [Tony]: Crush on me. Zeek: This gag is getting old... Majin: This gag is legible for senior discount. Your point? > secret identity or something. Maybe > he'd think that you're that new Green Jonatan: ...Giant! > Lantern guy the papers have been > talking about. Ha, ha, ha!" Ranma X [Frank]: Of course not! I'm the Radioactive Streaker! See? Echo [Tony]: *urp* I just lost my appetite. > Frank nearly choked on the fries. All: Awww.... Jonatan: Only *nearly*? > ********** > > WHHAAMM!!! All: OW! Majin: Stupid THX... > Ouch! Getting banged Jonatan: This early in the fic? > into a truck hurts > even with this forcefield on. How come > Superman never seems to get hurt when > he's doing this? Echo: Because he gets his energy from the Earth's sun? Zeek: Because he wears clothes? Ranma X.: Because he's not a snot nosed wimp like you, Frank. Jonatan: We have a winner! (Confetti rains down over Ranma X.) Ranma X: This would've been more fun if you didn't do it every time... > Gotta ask Kilowog or > Tomar Re Jonatan: My spidey-sense is tingling! Those names are nothing but the Ratliff-style scrambled names of the author's friends! Majin: So what are they? Jonatan: Dunno. Can't be bothered to check. > if they knows a way to get a > better shield. But first I gotta take > care of this crazy guy in weird > clothes. R. Jak: That's a skater in baggy pants, nimrod. Maijn: I don't know. He's sane enough to have clothes on... > Calls himself Doctor Polar or > something. Has a mean magnetic power, > enough to defeat me without throwing a > punch, if you could believe that. All: ... > But > hey, I have the most powerful weapon in > the universe (at least, that's what > Sinestro told me during training.) Majin: Sinestro? "I have a yellow ring" Sinestro? "I will destroy you, Green Lantern!" Sinestro? HUH? Zeek: As you can see, his training had big gaps of learning... > so I > should be able to handle him, right? Ranma X.: (sounding ill) About as well As I'm taking these POV shifts... ugh... > Another magnetic blast hurled Frank > towards a storefront. Frank barely > managed to materialize a green bed > between him and the store window. Echo: Well, now we know where *someone's* mind is... > Or maybe not. Gotta formulate a plan of > attack. Zeek: Well, you could always make him gag to death... > But maybe first I must get the > Doctor here someplace where the fight > wouldn't endanger innocents. Echo: Thinker's in this? R. Jak: When you're a nude green glowing guy, anything you do in public will endanger innocents. Jonatan: Hell, you're supposed to. > Gotta > concentrate. "Hey, Doctor Polyester! Is > that the best you can do? Come and get > me!" Frank launched a green rocket at > his magnetic foe which was easily > deflected by his opponent's magnetic > shield. Echo: [Mojo Jojo] Because the magnetic field was magnetically charged to magnetically repulse the non-magnetic green rocket with its amazing powers of magnetism! Ranma X: Irritated, Doctor Polar then used his powers to smear Frank across the street. > Frank flew off leaving behind > trails of smoke (similar to one's left > by jetplanes) forming words and phrases > such as "Chicken!", "Shellhead", "Your > mama was a toaster!", and such. Zeek: "Bite Me!" Echo: "DIE SCUM!" R. Jak: "MOM, can you get me some clothes?!" Majin: "Tony! Will you go out with me?!" Ranma X.: "End My suffering!" Jonatan: "Run away! Run Away!" > "Fool! You dare mock the great Doctor > Polaris? I shall make you tremble > beneath my boots!" Echo [Polaris]: Then I will wipe you off on the sidewalk like the dog poo you are! > With but a thought, > Polaris levitated and followed Green > Lantern away from the city. Jonatan [Kid]: Look, Ma! That evil supervillain is chasing that naked green boy! R. Jak [Dr. Polaris]: ...right. I quit. > Great! He fell for it! Zeek: So? > Now, what do I do? Echo: Kick back, put on some tunes...I don't bloody know! *You're* the "hero". Ranma X. [Evil Menacing voice]: KILL...KILL... > ************ > > Man, never thought fighting Polaris Majin: Lorna better get back to the Marvel Universe or Access is going to make her. > would take me to the North Pole. Zeek: This is why he's caled POLEaris..or should it be pole arse...if so, I'm leaving. > But it was all I could think of as a barren > enough place. Jonatan [Dr. Polaris]: I see that my foe, the Radioactive Streaker, suffers from shrinkage! R. Jak [Frank]: Hey! Shut up! > Almost didn't make it to > History class, too; even if the I am > not looking forward to it. Majin: Those who make history are doomed to fail it. > Still, it > was a lucky break that his better > personality emerged before I ended up > buried or in ice. Maybe I should take > up the Guardians on that training > stuff. Zeek [Frank]: Naaah! I'll just let my Mary Sue ways coast me to victory! > As long as it's not Sinestro > who'll train me again, that is. Maybe > Tomar Re or Kilowog. Echo: Or how about Parallax? Ranma X: Or maybe Crazy Man Withers? > Frank's mind was hardly into the > History lecture now being given by his > teacher. His mind was just not into > American Civil War at this point. R. Jak: It was in the French Revolution, where it got guillotined. > It > was floating back to a few months ago > when a blue midget in a red dress Echo: It's Smurfette! And she's turning tricks! R. Jak [Smurfette]: I smurf you long time, G.I. smurf... (A plastic mini safe falls on R. Jak's head, which he no-sells.) R. Jak: (looks at safe) What the.... Majin: Damn, haven't perfected that one yet. > appeared before him on his way home > from school. Ranma X: So this is an afterschool special after all. > Seems that the former Green Lantern, > Abin Sur, crashed on the moon and died. Zeek: You'd think that a GL would be smart enough to avoid something stupid like that. Ranma X.: My money says he wanted to end it all and put on some clothes. Majin: I wonder if he had yellow skin? Jonatan: Or maybe just a yellow belly. > They needed a replacement for the Green > Lantern of Sector 2814 and they picked > lil ol' me. Lucky me, huh? R. Jak: I'd say Lady luck was kidnapped and incapacitated by Mr. Plot Device. Majin: [Lady Luck] Help! Let me out! Jon's torturing me because he thinks I'm a child of Bhaal! Jonatan: I am? Majin: Not you... Jon Irenicus. All: Who? Majin: Buy Baldur's Gate II and you'll find out. Zeek: Shameless plug number 1. > Anyway, this Guardian (I think his name > was Ganthet though all those blue > midgets look alike to me) gave me the > ring, the battery, and this costume. Zeek: And on the side of it, it all had made in China. R. Jak [Homer]: Hmmm... third-worldly goodness. > Even gave a little oath to recite: Majin: Moon Prism Powaa!! R. Jak: Lather...Rinse....Repeat Echo: Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God! Ranma X.:(singing lowly) Every Day is dark... Zeek: By the Power of Greyskull... Jonatan: "There once was a man from Nantuckett..." Majin: THAT'S IT! (An anvil falls on Jonatan and disappears. This results in Jonatan bobbing up and down like an accordion. He sounds like one too.) R. Jak: (looks at Majin) You need anger therapy, young man. Jonatan: o/ Ommpha ommpha... o/ > In brightest day, in blackest night, Echo: The grayest overcast. > no > evil shall escape my sight, let those > who Jonatan: Collect Beanie Babies. R. Jak: Watch DBZ. Majin: Created Teletubbies and Barney. Zeek: Constantly play as shotoclones in a Vs. match. > worship evil's might, Zeek: Same thing. > beware my > power, Green Lantern's light! Zeek: It's a bit weak.. Ranma X: Sounds kinda like... Girl Scouts. > I changed the costume a little. Majin: A LITTLE?!? I don't ever remember naked Green Lanterns flying around! > The mask actually. Always did like those > old ninja movies. R. Jak: FOUL! Non-seqitour! > Designed my mask to > cover my face as well as hide my eyes > with the white lens, ninja-like. Zeek: So he skulks around, glowing green, naked, except for a lime green ninja mask? Jonatan: Don't knock it, sinner. It worked for Kekko Kamen. > He warned me about the rings' 24 hour > time limit and yellow weakness and all > that; Echo: And the six-day waiting period. > then told me to report to Oa, Jonatan: And bring a box of consonants. > the > center of the universe and the Corps > headquarters, for training. That's when > I met Sinestro. Jonatan [Frank]: My one and only love. (Before Majin can do anything, R. Jak takes his gun out.) Majin: Just try it. ^_^ (R. Jak pulls trigger causing a "BANG!" flag to pop out of it.) Majin: HA! Bow before the pow... (R. Jak pulls the trigger again causing Majin to get blasted. His head now looks charred.) Majin: (mumbles) Forgot about that part of the gag... > He was worse than Coach > Stanton when it came to training, if > that could be believed. Majin: A comic-book supervillian turned hero? Worse than Coach Stanton? Zeek: Mary sue teacher...go figure. Echo: The fiend! > He did hold a > great resume: master tactician, > proficient in all weapons, master of > combat and war, the works! Zeek: Told ya. > I did hear > that he was in trouble with the Corps > sometime in the past, something about > using his power ring to enslave his > world. R. Jak: And who wouldn't? Don't blame him for eccentricity. Jonatan: Everyone wants to rule the world. They usually don't find out how much work and effort it takes, until it's too late. Majin: ...how do you know this? Jonatan: Um... guessing, yeah. (sweatdrops) > He was punished for it, Ranma X [Mother]: No chocolate-chip ice cream for you, young man! Majin [Sinestro]: But, Mooooooooooooooom! > exiled I think. Though, they say he's now > reformed. No more planet conquering > plans or anything. Jonatan: Now he runs a cappuccino shop in Dallas. > The punishment made > him a changed man. Echo: What? Now he's a woman? > At least, that's what they say. I > dunno. He just gives me the creeps. His > treating me like a slackjawed teenager Ranma X: [Frank]: That I really am. > is not helping my good impression of > him. Hey, I'm already sixteen. Others > on the Corps are younger than me. Zeek: And brighter, more talented, and know how to work laces, buttons, and velcro. > Like Arisia from Graxos IV . . . or was it > Gravox VI? Can't remember all the Majin: Gravox...Isn't that MMK's partner? Zeek: No that's Gavok. And why are we bringing up an out of theatre reference? Gavok and MMK are in Torture theatre for life. Jonatan: Yes. Sometimes we bring them Pocky. Echo: Why, praytell, are you bringing this up? R. Jak: To show how fortunate we are and how much W4 is not a genius as he says he is? (W4 looks in angrily.) R. Jak: Well, hypothetically. (W4 goes back out.) > planet names. Anyway, she's younger > than I am. She's fun to be with, > though, like Kilowog. Zeek: Okay. Show of hands. How many of you think these names are being made up on the fly? (ALL but Jonatan raise their hands.) Jonatan: I'm still saying they're scrambled... > I cut the training short to get back to > earth for school. Maybe I need it now. Ranma X.: Oh, even the strogest illicit hallucinogens couldn't help you now... > ************** Echo: I bet he made up that name too. > "Freeze! Your trapped!" Echo [Freeze]: Yes? What about my trapped? > Frank was caught by surprise. "Okay, Majin [Frank]: You know about my green fetish now... > you got me cornered. What do you want?" Jonatan and R. Jak: (sing) Bayyyybee I neeeed your lovin'! > "You know what I want. Just hand it > over." Jonatan: (sings) I know you know what's on my mind! I know you need what's on my mind! Majin: (sing) I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really...! (Ranma X. hits Majin hard with the spatula.) > Slowly, ever so slowly, Frank reached > in his bag. "You know that you will get > it sooner or later, don't you?" Jonatan: But penniciline will take care of that. > "Of course, but I don't care about > later. Hand it over, now!" > > Grinning, Frank took out the Jonatan [Other figure, digusted]: Eeeeeew!!! (Ranma X baps him with the spatula.) > notebook > from his bag. He handed it to the girl > in front of him. > > "Thanks again for letting me borrow > your notes, Jane." (All groan) Jonatan [Frank]: The high C was especially nice. > "No problem. What are friends for?" She > smiled at Frank. Ranma X [Joey]: You waited too long to make your move, and now, you're in the "FRIEND ZONE." Echo [Ross]: I'm not in the Zone! Ranma X [Joey]: You are MAYOR of the Zone! > Yeah, friends. Wish it were Majin: Cancelled? Echo: (Turns to Majin) Hey! > more than > that. Man, why is it so hard for me to > talk to her when she smiles like that? Jonatan [Frank]: Maybe it's because of my arousal. > "Ahh. . . Umm, Jane, about that . . > .um. . " > > "Yes, Frank?" Jane asked, still smiling > at Frank with that sweet smile. Echo: Nookie! Jonatan: SAY NOOKIE! > Oh, man, ask her out now. This is your > once in a lifetime chance. But her > smile just strikes me dumb. Zeek: I'd say he was dumb from before. > No! I have > to ask her now. A Green Lantern's > supposed to be fearless, right? Right. > Just ask her. All: (sings) When a maaaaaaan loves a woman... Jonatan: Oh, the classic story. Naked green boy meets girl. Naked green boy is too shy to talk to girl. Naked green boy meets blue midget in a red dress. Naked green boy gets girl. This brings back memories. Echo: O_O R. Jak: Oh... that's right. Meet Jon, our resident "...HUH?" Guy. Jonatan: (slaps Jak with a glove) You WILL return my letters, fledgling. Echo: O_O R. Jak: He seems to be stuck. Can I hit him? Zeek: Not this time. R. Jak: Damn. > "Ah, Jane, umm.. . Nice weather we're > having, huh?" > > Jane looked surprised. "Sure, I guess > so." Ranma X [Jane]: Well, I prefer the cold front to be moving a bit more southerly this year, but we can blame El Nino for that. On the other hand, some precipitation would be nice. > Frank could almost kick himself. Zeek: Let me do it for him. (jumps up and kicks the screen, then sits back down.) > Nice weather we're having? Bad move, > jerk! Just go out and say it! This is > for Frank not Green Lantern. The ring > can't help you now. Majin: Sure it could. Just picture it. *ZAP* You WILL go to the dance with me, mortal! > "Jane, there's this dance on Saturday > and would you. . ." Jonatan: Nookie! Say nookie! > "Greetings to the loveliest flower in > St. Peters High!" Majin: OH MY GOD! It's Kuno! > Oh, great, lover boy! Duke's here. And > he's making another play at Jane. R. Jak: Since "Hamlet" didn't work, he's trying "West Side Story" this time. > "Stop it, Duke! Don't tease me like > that!" R. Jak [Duke]: Oh. Acting a bit CHUBBY today? Majin [Jane]: That's no improvement! > Jane's starting to blush. Gotta make my > move. Can't let Duke ask her out. Echo: (Shocked) What would Scarlet say? Jonatan: That is... if she's still unaware of his fling with Lady Jaye. *Nudge, nudge, wink, wink* > "Yo, Duke, long time no see!" Frank > managed to form a smile (barely). > "How's the old dog doing?" Zeek [Duke]: The Green Lantern killed him, remember? Ranma X: (makes whistling noises) Here, Duke! C'mon, boy! Fetch the stick! That's a good dog! > "Frank, charming to see you, but I have > no time for pleasantries." > > Yeah, right. Wish I could suckeer punch Echo: You punch like a girl. > this English jerk with my ring. But > that would not be fair. Jonatan: Or even country fair. > Maybe I could > just trip him later with a ring > generated rope. Majin: Three guesses as to who's NOT above petty vengeance. > Turning back to Jane, > Duke reached for her hand. Ranma X [Duke]: I'll take that. *SNAP* Zeek [Jane]: Hey! I'm still using that! > "My dear, if > you would allow me the pleasure of. . ." Jonatan: Nookie! R. Jak: (sighs) Where's Chao when you need him? > "Hey guys!" someone called out. Frank > made the scotch tape he materialized in > order to shut Duke up disappear. > > The three faced towards the new arrival > running towards them. All: IT'S COMIN' RIGHT FOR US! R. Jak: He's coming right at us, Jimbo! > Richard. The old news mill. Echo: If only Don Quixote would stop mistaking him for a giant and charging at him... Majin: Make way for...DON CAYOOO-OOO-OOOOTEY! > At least he > managed to stop Duke before I did. > > Wonder why his face looks grim? Must be > bad news. Ranma X: Timmy fell into the well again. Majin [Mr. Lizard]: We need a new Timmy! > In between breaths, Richard narrated > the news, "Frank. . . Tony's . . . been > . . . run over by a car!" Jonatan: Who was driving? Zeek: Mach 5. Jonatan: Not how fast...who was it? Zeek: Mach...You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Jonatan: No, *you're* doing this on purpose. Zeek: Huh? (Echo hums the Twilight Zone theme.) > ***************** > > All this power and I wasn't able to > prevent it. R. Jak: Creeeeampuff. Jonatan: Actually, I think he's talking about the fic. > Frank and the others had just left > Tony's hospital room. He was still Majin: In the fic. Echo [Frank]: But not for long... heh, heh, heh... Zeek: You realize Tony's cheering about that. > unconscious. The driver who run into > him was the one who brought him in. > He's not in danger but one of his legs > may need amputation. Echo: The implication being that having a leg removed isn't dangerous in the slightest. Zeek [Duke]: I'll just take this, too. *SNAP* Majin [Tony]: Hey! They said, "MAY need amputation," jerkwad! R. Jak: What do you wager he wants the parts for, anyway? Jonatan: Maybe he's into bodybuilding. > Outside the hospital, Frank needed to > release some rage. He punched the wall > of the building. It hurt but he didn't > care. Jonatan: He's hurting the building! Somebody call the SPCB! > He punched again. And again. Majin: Until he broke his ring. Echo [Frank]: D'oh! > "Frank, stop it! You're only hurting > yourself!" It was Jane. Jonatan: And she only thinks about him, not the building. Hmmph... Humans. Worthless creatures. > "I just wish I could help him. Instead > of just standing around here doing > nothing." R. Jak: Well, you're punching the building. That isn't exactly doing... Zeek: NO, Jak. > "But there's nothing you can do for > him. You couldn't have saved him." ALL: Don't you believe it! > Yes, I can. Or I could have. I'm Green > Lantern, for Pete's sake. I have the > most powerful Zeek: ...plot contrivance... > weapon in the universe. I > can't even protect my best friend. Jonatan: You know, I bet Clark Kent felt the same way when Jimmy Olsen got hit by a bus. Majin: Jimmy Olsen wasn't hit by a bus. Jonatan: He wasn't? But Bruce Banner probably had the same deal when Ricky Jones was hit by a bus... Majin: ...no, not him either. Jonatan: Hmm... there are too few crippled sidekicks in the world. > Frank looked at the emerald ring in his > hand. Echo [Frank]: Ooh... sparkly. > This was just an accident. What if > something worse happened to Tony. . . > or my family. . . or. . . R. Jak: Richard Nixon? No, wait. He's dead. > His face turned towards the woman he > loves. Jonatan: Darn. Majin: Let me guess. You were hoping that Kate, SD Ryugake or Midnight Star were here so you could make a link to Frank, right? Jonatan: Oh, well... Majin: I can arrange for Midnight Star to... Jonatan: No, that's alright. > Jane. What if something happened to > them because I wasn't there. Some other > accident. Some supervillain out > rampaging or spreading havoc. Ranma X: Some English guy who acts like Kuno. > What would I do then? Zeek: Do the reasonable thing. Become a swinging bachelor. > Jane approached Frank. > She held her hand. Ranma X: Seems like she got it back from Duke after all. Jonatan: Had to kick 'im in the 'nads a few times first, though. > "Frank, it's not your fault. Tony's > gonna be all right." > > As he looked in her eyes, he smiled. Zeek: Green-ray vision...sicko. > She's really something. No wonder I > love her so much. I could ask her out > now but first I need to find a way to > help out Tony. R. Jak [Jane]: No healin', no squealin'. Echo [Jane]: No recovery, no lovery. Jonatan [Jane]: No bookie, no noo...no, wait... Majin: Unless he's family I say forget him and go for the girl. > **************** > > "Wake up, boy!" Majin: (groggily) Mother? R. Jak: (groggiliy) Sparticus? Ranma X.: (groggily) Elvis? Zeek: (groggily) Death? Echo: (groggiliy) Fermat's last theorem? Jonatan: (groggily) Lunch? > Who the he -- ? > > "Sinestro! What the heck are you doing > in my room!" Majin [Frank]: Put your pants back on this instant! Jonatan [Frank]: Is that a power ring in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? > "Quiet if you don't want your family > knowing of my presence. Echo [Mom]: What's that noise upstairs? Ranma X [Frank]: Nothing, Ma! Echo [Mom]: Is that a specter of evil up there? Ranma X [Frank]: NO, Ma! > It seems that > you have a dilemma in your hands. Jonatan: Disgusting. > A friend, I presume?" > > Tony! > > "Wha- -? How did you know?" R. Jak: Who doesn't? > "You were under observation by me all > the time. The Guardians ordered that > you be placed under observation Echo [Mojojojo]: And so, having been given the observation order to observe you, I began my observation of observing you so you would be under observation! Zeek: Joy. The GL organization is just a bunch of powered-up voyeurs... > following your training. It is simply > to see if you are truly ready to be a > Green Lantern, boy." Majin [Pinocchio]: You mean I could be a REAL live Green Lantern boy? > "Stop calling me boy!" Zeek [Sinestro]: Ok, then... *girl.* > "Oh, so is the boy a man now? Truly R. Jak [Sinestro]: I thought the boy was a queen! Echo: Freddy Mercury? Jonatan: o/~ Be-elzebub has got a devil put aside for me... o/~ > this is a surprise. However I have not > come here to debate your, shall we say > physical and mental if not emotional, > maturity. Ranma X [Sinestro]: So for God's sake, throw some clothes on. > I have come to offer my aid." R. Jak: I'm sure he has plenty of Kool-Aid at the moment. > "You offering me your aid? Aid for > what?" Echo [Frank]: And how much will it cost? Jonatan: Farm Aid! Now start singing! > "You seek to help your friend. I know > the way. The way to use a power ring to > heal even the most severe of injuries." Zeek [Dr. Forrester]: Push the button, Frank! > I never tried healing someone with my > ring. Thought the healing properties of > the ring only worked for me, keeping me > in one piece. Zeek: Frank is wearing a one-piece swimsuit now? > I wanted to try it on R. Jak: So he's finally found some interest in clothes... Majin: I'm a bit bothered about his choice, though. > Tony, but I didn't know how. Zeek: He shouldn't have slacked off in out of strip actions 201. > "Show me! . . . Wait a minute, what do > you want in return?" Echo [Sinestro]: Well...I heard you had a Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card lurking around here... Jonatan [Sinestro]: You will give me... lunchibles! > "I see, you don't trust me. It is > perfectly understandable given my > previous reputation. But in this one > instance I cannot give you anything to > cement Majin [Sinestro]: ...the foundation of the house with. > your trust except my word that I Ranma X [Sinestro]: ...shall wait until the sequel to backstab you. > require nothing in return." Majin [Sinestro]: ...except for the $10,000 in unmarked, non- sequential bills. Echo: Boy, this guy's dialogue is easy. > "I guess I have no choice. One > question, though, Jonatan [Frank]: Where do babies come from? Echo [Sinestro]: Well, when a mommy Green lantern and a daddy Green Lantern love each other very much... > why didn't anyone > tell me how to do the healing thing in > the first place?" > > Sinestro's answer has a hint of Jonatan: Lemon? > sarcasm. "That's what we were supposed > to take up during our training, which > you deigned not to continue." Zeek [Frank]: Well maybe if you TOLD me about it, I might have been inclined to stick around the extra half an hour! > > **************** > > In Tony's hospital room, Sinestro and > Frank concentrated on Tony's broken > leg. R. Jak [Sinestro]: Wow! Look at the contusions on that leg, man! > Slowly, signs of healing could be > seen. (All hold up posterboard signs reading "Healing.") > "Sinestro, thanks. I don't know how to > ask this but why did you once conquer > your planet?" Zeek: Cue violins! > "You should know better than to talk > while concentrating on doing something > with your ring. Majin: So people can't talk and think at the same time. Zeek: That explains a lot, actually. > Nevertheless, I shall > answer you. I once believed that Majin [Sinestro]: Jesus lived in Montana, the government was documenting my underwear, and that hamsters were the ultimate truth. > might > is needed to ensure order and have > acted upon my belief." He paused R. Jak [Sinestro]: I learned that all I needed was some chutzpah and my singing. I am now known by your people as Barbara Streisand... > briefly. "I was punished for it and > made to wander the cosmos for a period. Ran. X: Or an exclamation point. They're easier to find. > Within my travels I have witnessed the > pain and suffering brought about by > those of my ilk Echo: (puzzled) His ELK? Zeek: No, ilk... Jonatan [Sinestro]: Yes, my mighty elk that brought pain and suffering to people wherever I travelled! R. Jak [Sinestro]: Unfortunately it died from Dutch Elk Disease in Japan. Zeek: Guys... it's il--never mind. > in numerous other > planets. Since then I have learned the > horror of tyranny and vowed to > overthrow it from the universe. Majin: Huh? Overthrow tyranny? Echo [Sinestro]: You know how I [HATE] competition. Jonatan [Sinestro]: I have seen the horror of murderers and vowed to kill them all. Ranma X [Sinestro]: I have seen the horror of robbery and vowed to take all of their money. Zeek [Sinestro]: Although the horror you show me Frank... makes me regret that I don't kill you...AND GET ON SOME CLOTHES!!! > I have > helped overthrow several from other > planets. For this, the Guardians > forgave me. I was blessed to regain the > honor of serving as Green Lantern once > again." R. Jak [Sinestro]: Now go fetch Granpa a bourbon. > He's not that bad a guy after all. > Maybe I misjudged him. Jonatan: Him being evil and all. > Tony started to stir in his sleep. > Sinestro stopped his power ring beam. R. Jak [Sinestro]: Sorry. That's all his HMO pays for. Zeek [Sinestro]: That'll be $2.99 for the first minute and $0.99 for each minute after that. > "His leg is fine. I must take my leave > now." And with that, Sinestro slowly > disappeared. Jonatan [Sinestro]: I'm melting! I'm melting! R. Jak [Sinestro]: You can't see me! I'm obfuscating! > Frank started to leave, too. He never > did learn how to dematerialize. Jonatan: His experiments with hydrochloric acid had been disastrous to say the least. > He > slowly crept out the window of Tony's > room. Majin: Only too late learning that he couldn't fly either. So down he plunged... > "Hey, Frank! Ever heard of a door?" Jonatan: I heard of them! o/~ Break on through to the other side! o/~ > What in the -- ? How did he know it was > me? > > Frank returned to his friend's bedside. > "I'm not Frank. I am R. Jak [Frank]: ...the *RADIOACTIVE STREAKER!* Ranma X [Tony]: ... >Green Lantern." Zeek: Yeah, and I'm Kairo. Jonatan: I wonder when Skribby stopped being Iowa... > "Yeah right! There's only one guy I > know who would use a ninja mask as > corny as that. Echo [Tony]: That, and your underwear tag clearly reads, "If lost, return to Frank." Majin: So he's wearing an underwear tag, but not the underwear? (Echo baps Majin.) > It's gotta be you, > Frank. Oh yeah, and you don't even try > to disguise your voice." Echo: Wow, a best friend who actually recognizes that the main character is the superhero! Jonatan: I guess he doesn't have the Sailor Moon PC Field. > ************** > > Well, so much for keeping the secret Majin: Of KFC's secret spices and herbs! > identity from Tony. Still it might be > better this way, with him knowing my > secret, he can be my confidant. R. Jak: Well he is your lover, so I'd hope he's a confidant as well. > Sinestro did a good job with Tony's > leg. Healed it just enough that Tony > needs crutches to get around. They'll > be gone in a week. Zeek: Because that's all his HMO covers. Echo [Tony]: But my leg's still healing! Majin [Doctor]: Then hop on the left one. > The doctor's were > surprised enough as it is. If Tony's > leg was healed to full health, it might > shock the medical world. Jonatan: And we all know what that means... All: Anal probe. > Haven't been to church in a while. Must > be why I felt the need to come here. It > would help me to focus on things. Ranma X.: I'd think being given Green Lantern Powers would make him less religious. Majin [Frank]: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 125,000 light years since my last confession... > I'm going back to Oa for training in a > few weeks, right during my vacation. > Told mom that I would be at a friend's > place, which is true enough. Tony would > cover for me. Like I said, it would be > handy with him as my Majin: Cleaning woman. Jonatan [Steve Martin]: CLEANING WOMAN?!? (Jonatan mock-strangles Majin.) > confidant. I am > going to finish my training, even if > Sinestro would be my trainer. Have to > become the best Green Lantern I can be. Zeek: It's a man's life in the Nudist Green Lantern Squad! > I learned something from this episode. > Green Lantern is not about just beating > the bad guys to a pulp or taking down > bank robbers. R. Jak: He's a great cook too. > It is about protecting > those closest to me. It's about being > there for the ones I love. Zeek: Um, no. It is about beating bad guys to a bloody pulp so that you help people you'll never even know, kid. Echo: And it's about avoiding wood. Jonatan: And Big Bird. R. Jak: And bananas. Zeek: And school buses. > Speaking of which, I never did get to > ask Jane to go to the dance. Heard Duke > asked her out. She refused. Ran. X: He killed her with a shovel and mutilated her body. He's serving twenty years at San Quentin. Zeek: Woulda been better other way round. > Tony says > it's because she's waiting for me to > ask her out. Sure hope it's true, R. Jak [Frank]: 'Cos if it isn't, I'm gonna run over Tony this time. > though Tony isn't really what I would > consider an expert when it comes to Zeek: Rocket science. Majin [Tony]: Ooh! What does THIS button do? > love. Maybe Sinestro has some ideas on > it. Or maybe Kilowog or Arisia? Jonatan: Or Chi'Ip. R. Jak: No. He got killed by a bus too. > Arisia. Now there's someone who's quite > attractive, too. Wonder if she would . > . . Nah! Ranma X. [Frank]: She'd never give me Fashion hints! > I love Jane too much to even > look at another girl. Man, I got it > bad. I pray to God to give me strength. Zeek: But God doesn't have jurisdiction. Ranma X: He did, however, sneak Frank a box of steriods. > I'll need it. > > In brightest day, > in blackest night, > No evil shall escape my sight. Echo: Because Lasik restored my eyesight. Zeek: It's 20/20, and that's all right. R. Jak: And my optometrist's delight. > Let those who worship evil's might Zeek: Not to mention those who worship evil's fury, but that's another story. > Beware my power > Green Lantern's Light. Ran. X: It is a joy that we partake. Jonatan: And if we die before we wake. Majin: I'll know Laetita's boobs were fake. (Jonatan pats Majin on the back, while Zeek pulls out his blade and backhands Majin with the hilt.) Zeek: That comment was uncalled for. The end. > END(?) Zeek: It better be... > Author's notes: Thanks to anyone > who made it this far. I wanted to do a > different lantern story. Jonatan: Sadly, "The Pink Lantern with Purple Polka Dots" was never posted to the Fan Fiction Mailing List. Echo: Also unposted was the charming tale, "The Lanterns Who Say 'Ni!'" R. Jak: How about a story in which a bunch of Lanterns sit in a theatre and make fun of lousy fanfiction? (Jonatan and Echo look at R. Jak strangely.) Jonatan: Now you're just being silly. > As you can > see, there aren't many fight scenes, > supervillains, or all that. So sue me, All: Love to! Majin: What's his address? Zeek: I'll ask him later. Jonatan: Probably wouldn't work, though. He's foreign, like me. > I like a touch of romance and humor in > a story. Anyway, though Sinestro is my > fave villain, I thought it different to > picture him as a good guy for a change. ALL: o/~ O-O-C! It's as easy as 1-2-3! You know what it means to me! 1-2-3! O-O-C! For you and me! o/~ > (Give the guy a break, he's dead > already!) Jonatan: Dead and dry as a twig, so he should break easily, yes. > Oh yeah, and I'm a seventeen > year old guy who likes to imagine what > I would do if I had a GL ring. Zeek [Author]: I'm looking for a woman, 18-23, who likes comic books and long walks on the beach. Jonatan [Author]: Strapping young lad seeks woman who likes to be strapped. > One of > the reasons why my character is young > is cause it's more fun that way. Kinda > projecting my fantasies on the > character. Echo: I'm seriously worried about him now. >I'd like to hear feedback > from other GL fans out there. Hope to > write another short soon. Ranma X.: Just as long as it's a long LONG soon from now. Zeek: Didn't you say Mark wrote this? Jonatan: Yeah... Zeek: Excuse me... (Jumps up and runs out the theatre, sword in hand) Jonatan: Tsk. How violent. (All exit.) */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* "Think they're still alive in there?" Neo Vox asked worriedly. "Sure," NeoVid assured him. "If they weren't, could we hear them screaming? Here, have a cookie." Neo Vox accepted the offered chocolate chip-laden goodness. "Thanks." The Lobby doors chose that moment to open. The six victims half- stumbled, half-ran out. "So, ho was ti?" Mr. Knht asked. "Huh?" Majin replied back. "He asked 'how was it?'" Signus clarified. The six looked at each other for a moment. There was silence. "That bad, huh?" Neo Vox asked. "Ouch." "No, the content was fine," Echo explained. "But the switches of POV were rather a bit rushed. And there was some plot holes where we couldn't tell if Frank was naked or not, and Sinestro..." "Echo, that's enough," Zeek said. "Sorry." "It was..." Jonatan began, searching for words, "...it was." He shrugged. Majin's eye twiched. "Well, it made me have some violent urges." "When I get my hands on that Mad--whoever he is--I'll...ARGGHH!!!" Zeek unsheathed his sword and proceeded to slice and dice the leftover roast chicken. Echo helped himself to a chicken wing that almost flew past his ear. "But where is he?" Signus noted. "The schmuck hasn't been around ever since he stuck them with that fic." SD-Skrib was flying behind the group waving a sign that read "I know! I know!" "Hmmm... I checked the Mad Scientist's booth earlier hoping to surprise him and he wasn't there," W4 offered. SD Skrib continued waving the sign to catch their attention. "He wasn't in the lobby of the theater either," Echo stated between bites. SD Skrib now waved a sign that read "Hey, IDIOTS! I said I know!!!" "Maybe he's..." By this time, SD Skrib was past fed up. He fired a wide burst of flame that incinerated everyone standing. The room was filled with blackened figures that collectively turned to glare at Skrib. "Eep!" Skrib signed before he was subjected to Mass Hurting(tm). "*Sigh* Covered with soot twice in one day. Unbelievable!" Majin groaned. "Great!" NeoVid complained, holding up a black triangular shape. "You toasted all of the pizzas, you stupid dragon!" From his prone position, Skrib held up a sign that read "The Mad scientist is over there, BAKAS!" before he fell unconscious. The group turned and saw the Mad Maniacal Hockey Mask Wearing Figure sitting on the bar, chatting with the IFR secretary. "GET HIM!!!" Zeek yelled, heading the charge. The MMHMWF saw the rushing crowd, said a quick "Meep!", and ran. What followed can be described as a standard Scooby-Doo chase scene, with door gags, hiding in paintings, and pie in the face comedy. The preceding scene would have been more descriptive if R. Jak didn't threaten in advance to blow up this paragraph if subjected to more Scooby Doo references than necessary. R. Jak stopped for a moment to glare at the Narrator. "That reminds me." He walked out of the theater. Anyway, the MMHMWF was finally caught. "Yay," the riffers deadpanned, standing over the tied-up form of the current Mad Scientist. Echo was about to remove the hockey mask from figure when R. Jak walked back into the theater with a large duffel bag. "Had this in the Orcrist," he explained. He set the bag down, zipped it open and produced a rocket launcher. "Now...anyone of you says 'Jinkies'... gets it!" He glared at everyone. NeoVid and Jonatan looked at each other and grinned. Ranma X. was too busy cleaning his face of pie filling to notice. Echo removed the hockey mask. The collective audience gasped. "Sally?" Majin asked before Signus bapped him. "M-major Glory?" W4 blurted out, shocked. The tied up Major Glory grinned at them. "This is so biza--" R. Jak muttered, not realizing that NeoVid and Jonatan were behind him. "JINKIES!!!" the two suddenly shouted. R. Jak screamed and freaked out, firing the rocket launcher aimlessly. The two jokers were dodging the errant missiles and laughing. The others were more busy doing the dodging part. "Ah, the Vidstudent taught you well, young Jakobi," Jonatan intoned. After R. Jak finally levelled a good part of the lobby, the group decided it was better if they tied him up during the entire Scooby Doo rip-off scene. "It's for your own good," Neo Vox assured him, finishing up the last knots. "Oh, like that's believeable. Admit it, it's really just for our own good," Majin retorted. "Commies..." R. Jak muttered. "Now, we'll see who's really under this mask," Echo stated, as he pulled off the Major Glory face from the figure. The audience gasped. A white-haired man in a lab coat looked up at them. "Leslie Nielsen?" Neo Vox asked. "No! Not the Star of Police Squad! I refuse to believe that!!!" Ranma X. cried out. Zeek smacked him on the back of the head. "Stop overreacting!" Zeek warned. "Who's overreacting?" Ranma X. retorted, glaring at Zeek. Sighing, Echo pulled off the Leslie Nielsen face from the figure. The group gasped again. "It's a-me, Luigi!" the Luigi-mask wearing figure shouted. "This is starting to suck," Jonatan muttered to himself. "Pull it off again," R. Jak said, squirming around. Echo pulled off the mask again. The group gasped yet again. "Cthulhu?" Jonatan asked in near-disbelief. "eVErYonE mIStaKes mE IN tHIs hAt," the Elder One muttered. "Can't be," NeoVid said. "Try again." Echo pulled off the Cthulhu mask, revealing a visage stranger than anything seen before. Everyone gasped in unison. "Burghy?" Zeek gasped, then frowned. "No, it can't be him. He had better taste." "That isn't [GaRcIaS] to say that," the figure said. Echo removed the Burghy mask to reveal a smarmy, though sincere- looking hispanic man, with greyed hair. "Ricardo Montalbon?!" the group said in confusion. "I will geeve all of you a trip... to Fantasy Island!" Ranma X sighed, "...Right." "The new one or the old one?" Zeek asked. "The new one." "No, thanks," Echo said, but then he paused. "I will admit," he said, "that Malcolm McDowell's island was pretty neat, and he didn't wear those ugly wh--" "GET ON WITH IT!" the assembled party yelled. Echo gulped and pulled the mask off. NeoVid blinked. "Stanley Ipkiss? I thought he was dead." "My Mask! Give me back my mask!" the Stanley figure hammed it up. Zeek gritted his teeth. "If he doesn't stop that whining, he will be!" he warned. Echo then pulled off the Ipkiss face to reveal... "Dana Carvey?" Majin said doubtfully. "I know his career is in the toilet currently, but why the hell would he take it out on us?" "Maybe that's because he's...." Echo ripped the mask off. "Ow! Not so hard!" "Mom?" Echo pulled off the next mask. And the next. And the next. And the next. "How many masks can one guy wear?" Echo muttered to himself as he continued the unmasking. "I'll get a drink," Jonatan mumbled. "Maybe I could cope with this better." He wandered back to the bar. After a few moments of looking around, Zeek realized something. "Hey, where's Mark Poa?" "You mean, Alvin?" Ranma X giggled. "What was that all about?" Signus whispered to NeoVid. NeoVid shrugged. W4 thought for a moment. "I haven't seen him since... well, since I captured you--" Realization sank into the others. They all turned to the tied up figure (No, not R. Jak.) and smiled a threatening grin. "Quit this, Mark. We know it's you," Echo said as he removed the last mask. The audience gasped again. A strange male teen who was definitely not Mark Poa was unmasked. "Who are you?!?" Signus asked incredulously, while untying R. Jak since it was already past the Scooby Doo references. "You sure it's not another mask?" Majin asked Echo. Echo tugged at the face until the teen screamed. He turned to the others and shrugged. "It's not a mask." The brown-haired teenager looked up at them. "Ha! You didn't think I could do it, did you? You all thought I was just a teenager with raging hormones and no backbone, ha! Well, I showed you! I showed you that I am better! That I could do it! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" "Who are you anyway?" W4 asked, causing the laughing teen to facefault. "He's Frank." The group turned to look at the new arrival. Mark Poa entered the room and walked confidently towards the captive. "Frank? As in the Green Lantern in your story?" Majin asked increduluously. Mark nodded. The six who were in the theater milled around the tied up Frank and started poking him. "Hey, stop that!" the teenager complained. "B-but," Ranma X said. "He's wearing..." He paused for emphasis. "Clothes?" "Cool... I never thought the Radioactive Streaker was real." Jonatan muttered. R. Jak sniffed at him. "Smells normal." Signus looked at him oddly. "Since when did you go around smelling people up?" Majin pulled a yellow baseball bat from behind his back. "Hey, can I smash his ring while it's still on his hand?" Everyone sweatdropped and backed away from Majin. "Stil feeling those violet gurges?" Mr. Knht asked. "Just a little," Majin admitted. Ranma X continued pointing at the tied-up Frank. "B-but...clothes?" he asked once more incredulously Frank reddened in rage and embarassment. "Huh?" Neo Vox asked. NeoVid, Signus, Mr. Knht, and W4 shrugged. Skrib was still too out cold to care. "Must be something about the fic," NeoVid reasoned. "Simply put," Mark said. "He's an author avatar gone wild. I guess he's been after me for neglecting him all these years." Frank snarled. "And I would have gotten you, too, if it weren't for these teenagers..." He looked at R. Jak and smirked. "And your dog, too." "I say we kill him," R. Jak suggested, putting a gun to Frank's head. "YEAH, DEATH!" Ranma X. 'wai'ed. "NO!" W4 protested. "He should be given to the proper authorities." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Jonatan turned to W4. "You're cruel you know that?" W4 shrugged. "Hey, that Frank guy ought to be thankful. SE's one of the more popular impros around here." "But, don't they kill SIs?" Neo Vox pointed out. "So?" W4 asked nonchalantly, before heading back to the snack table. "How did you manage to evade that guy anyway?" Signus queried Mark. "I didn't spend the whole of last week lost inside this place for nothing," Mark explained. "I think I have a fairly good idea how this place is laid out by now." Jonatan elbowed him. "Admit it! You got lost again, didn't you?" Mark sweatdropped and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ahehehe, okay so I got lost again. At least it kept me out of his little revenge wish." Ranma X suddenly loomed menacingly behind Mark. "Come to think of it. We wouldn't have been trapped inside that theater if your creation wasn't after you, right?" Mark gulped and nodded. "And we wouldn't have to sit through a bad Green Lantern fic if you hadn't written that one, right?" Majin put in, leaning menacingly towards the nervous author. "Well, mayb--" Mark tried to defend himself. "AND you should have been the one inside that room instead of us, right?" R. Jak suddenly said, standing beside Mark and brandishing his rocket launcher. Mark looked around. Zeek and Echo were also starting to train their sights on him. He gulped, meeped and ran. "After him!" Zeek yelled. The five ran after Mark, intent on causing serious bodily harm. "Aren't you joining them?" NeoVid asked Jonatan. "Nah, I still have to mind the bar," Jonatan replied. He lifted four bottles of assorted brew onto the bar counter. "Okay, who wants some drinks?!" he shouted with a grin. A chorus of cheers rose up within the Theater of Pain. For a moment, the pain and suffering was forgotten in a wave of fun and celebration. Who knows how long it will last? */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* THE END(?) */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Author's Notes: Echo Albarn: *blink* Right. This is the section where I kick back like a real author would, and note that even through all the hardships, I had a great time. Trouble was, I couldn't have a great time, thanks to the wonders of R.L. In fact, I only worked on the first few sections, and a brief touch-up on the ending host segment. Oh, well. I will return, one day, and on that day, people will cringe. But only because of my taste in music. Jonatan Streith: I will get my pretties back, sinners... and when I do, you'll all--oh wait. Wrong notes. Well, this riffing was actually fairly good. The fic was good enough not to insult our intelligences, and offered a good enough number opportunities to make running gags... halfway serious fics are good for that. What else can I say? In between school work and learning Mage: The Ascension, I got a bit delayed. But it worked out in the end. Godspeed, people. Majin: Well, this is my second MSTing. Pretty fun too, except I sort of was in a violent mood for most of this. I'll try to play nicer with the other kids next time. Laters. (\/) <---Monogram for those who are wondering Majin Ranma X: *Sigh* Another roast over so so soon... Anyways... Mark: you did really good. I'm impressed. It's going to be a tough act to follow, but I'm ready to go all mental again. Minna-san!: You all kick some heavy bad fanfiction ass! As usual reach me at: drstupid@geocities.com This is Ranma X. saying: "If you don't have melted chocolate and jellybeans down your urethra... what do you have?... What do you have?" Ripper Jak: Well, this was a rather delightful and pleasant fiction. Superheroes having problems dating girls, kids getting run over by busses, Sinestro being good, and most importantly, actually having someone sneak in a Freakazoid reference into the Pokemon OVA. Hugbees...heh heh. Anyway, I don't blame Mark for this. Him being young and fearless when he wrote it. I actually wrote some Final Fantasy VII fanfics I'd finished long before I even played Final Fantasy VII. Hrm... Anyway, I'm thinking probably one more IFR MiSTing before my avatar takes a well-deserved vacation in Dream City. Basically it's because I got a film project I'm working on for a college course. Don't you hate it when schoolwork gets in the way of business? I wish to end this by saying...Hugbees. John Stoddert () Zeek Silverfire: Well, we are thru another mind-disturbing thing... thankfully, we don't have enough mind to disturb... I think I'll kick out of this next one unless no one else volunteers, after all, I've been bait each time, I've said I'll be in the theatre if no one else wanted to, and got stuck in there...gives me a healthy bundle of angst to work off when I get to shove people in the theatre... Keepin' it surreal. "Z.S." Mark Poa: My first time at being Mad! Woohoo! ^_^ Hope you guys enjoyed this outing. I think a little explanation about the fic is in order. (Get some drinks and some munchies. This might take a while.) I wrote a Lantern's Tale way back around... two years ago. ^_^; It was the first fanfiction I wrote and probably the worst. My only excuse was that I was new to the Net and fanfiction in general. I have only read some fanfiction then and those were not exactly model attempts themselves. I like to think that I've improved since then. (I certainly hope so!) But it was my first attempt and I didn't want to change or edit it. I'm kinda sentimental over the imperfection of that first work. It was bad fanfiction, but hell! It was MY bad fanfiction. I'd like to thank W4 for considering this IFR-worthy. It was a kick watching it get MSTed. Kinda brings a tear to my eye. ^_^ The fanfic is hosted on the Green Lantern Corps website [http://www.glcorps.org/]. It's a great website which could be made better if they update it more often than three months at a time. ^_~ Comments can be sent to me at recklessflyer@mechpilot.com . I'm stopping now before these Notes reach the 30K mark. :P (Addendum: No, those names weren't made-up or scrambled, at least by me. Check out the Book of OA at the Green Lantern Corps Website for more on who Kilowog, Tomar Re, et. al. are. I'm socially-challenged, but not *that* socially-challenged. ^_^;)