*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

Indie Madnesse proudly presents:

IMPROFICROAST: Improvisational MiSTing
               or
               How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Come Up With Riffs In
               Two Days
               http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net

Episode 006:   Do-Gooders World Tour, Parts 1 and 2
               With Pokemon OVA, Part 2
               Team B Edition (2 of 2!  Collect them all!)

Participants:
-Dr. Thinker/Mr. Knht (winkstwo@sssnet.com)
 Intro, MiSTing, Intermissions, Conclusion
-Echo Albarn (echo_albarn@hotmail.com)
 Intro, Intermissions, Conclusion
-Jonatan Streith (a99jonst@ida.his.se) 
 Intro, MiSTing, Intermissions, Conclusion
-Kate Malloy (kamalloy@home.com) 
 Intro, Intermissions, Conclusion, Guest Villain, Editor
-Mark Poa (markpoa@edsamail.com.ph) 
 Intro, MiSTing, Intermissions, Conclusion, Editing
-NeoVid (neovid@hotmail.com) 
 Intro, MiSTing, Intermissions, Conclusion
-Ripper Jak (WYVERN5555@aol.com) 
 Intro, MiSTing, Intermissions, Conclusion
-Scott Schimmel (schimmel@voicenet.com)
 Intro, MiSTing, Intermissions, Conclusion
-Signus Megido/Skribulous (maramala@hotmail.com)
 MiSTing, Intermissions, Conclusion
-Zeek Silverfire (twarner@erinet.com)
 Intro, MiSTing, Intermissions, Conclusion
-zerosum (dugan@freeze.com)
 Intro, MiSTing, Intermissions, Conclusion

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

OBLIGITARY LEGAL BLAH

        MST3K & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best 
Brains Inc.
        Dr. Thinker, Echo Albarn, Jonatan Streith, Kate Malloy, Mark Poa, Mr. 
Knht, NeoVid, Ripper Jak, Scott Schimmel, Signus Megido, Skribulous, Zeek 
Silverfire, and zerosum are owned and copyrighted by their respective creators.
        Do-Gooders is an ImproFanfic work.
        ImproFicRoast is owned and copyrighted by Indie Madnesse.
        

MISTING CLASSIFICATION

[MST]:    Meta-Misting - Misting Of A Misting, Or A Unusual Misting
          The misting was completely improvised; see the ImproFicRoast
          home page for more details.
[NONE]:   Era Unknown or Unspecified
          The cast and characters are completely independent of the
          "Mystery Science Theater 3000" Storyline.

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

One week had passed since the Theater of Pain's showing of "Embryonic Eclipse." 
Since then, no one had ventured near it. If someone had, they would have 
observed strange noises coming from it - noises that sounded very much like 
hammering, sawing, and the like. But why on earth would someone be building 
something in the Theater of Pain?

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

Mark Poa looked uncertainly at the note he'd received the previous day.

"Mark," it read. "I've gotten into a bit of trouble and I really need your help! 
Please meet me in the lobby of the Theater of Pain. Signed, Kate."

Although he didn't enjoy the thought of going to the Theater, he never could say 
"no" when a girl asked for help. He also figured he could trust Kate. After all, 
it was highly unlikely that this note was simply a lure to get him to the 
theater so he could watch more bad fanfiction. Right?

Sighing, he pushed open the door to the Theater and walked in. NeoVid, R. Jak, 
and a guy dressed rather like a ninja were already waiting there.

"Hey!" Mark waved. "You all got notes too?"

R. Jak nodded. "Yeah. Figured I should come check it out. Oh, by the way, this 
is Zeek. He was here last week with some of the other guys."

"There was a show last time?" Mark asked. 

"Yeah," added NeoVid. "Apparently, we missed a showing of a rather odd Sailor 
Moon fic."

Zeek just nodded at Mark.

Mark shuddered involuntarily at the thought of a Sailor Moon fic. "Good thing I 
was not here then," he remarked. "What's with the outfit?" he asked Zeek. 

NeoVid looked strangely (well, more than usual) at Zeek. "Dude... Nintendo 
completely ripped off your look."

Zeek reached for his sword. "Who do you think I look like, exactly?"

There was a pause.

Mark frowned. "I dunno. He looks like Link."

"Come on, he looks nothing like Link," NeoVid retorted. "It's more like Toad."

"Toad?" Zeek growled, gripping his sword tightly now.

"No, not Toad." NeoVid said, then thought. "I dunno. Maybe he looks like 
Higgins."

"Higgins?" Mark said. "You mean that islander guy who runs around in his 
underwear throwing tomahawks and..."

"No, sorry. Not Higgins. Uh... who was the guy in that game with those 
skateboarding guys?"

"You mean Lester?" R. Jak suggested. 

"Yeah! Lester!" 

R. Jak and Mark took another look at Zeek, then stared back at NeoVid.

"He doesn't look like Lester." Mark said softly.

"I don't care," NeoVid said. "He looks like a Nintendo character. Can't put my 
finger on which one though." 

The door to the outside opened again, and another young man stepped in. He was 
brown-haired and dressed in black.

The brown-haired guy glanced around the lobby, shrugged to himself, and waved. 
"Hi! I'm Jason, but you can call me zerosum."

The group stared blankly at the newcomer, who cleared his throat nervously.

"You got notes too?" zero offered.

"It's a Goth," Mark whispered. "Maybe if we stay still, it'll go away."

Neovid began to reply, but was interrupted by the arrival of yet another young 
man, this one blond and dressed in blue denim and a long cloak of
constantly-shifting colors.

The blond looked around. "Hmm... that's odd. I don't see her."

R. Jak stared in horror at the new arrival. He then reached into his trenchcoat, 
produced a large baseball bat, and glowered.

"Sorry, did I do something wrong?" The blond man said, sweat appearing on his 
brow.

NeoVid frowned ominously. "Who might you be?" he asked.

"I'm Scott Schimmel. Kate and I are old friends, and I got this note--" Scott 
held up his note.

"Saying that she's in trouble? Yeah, we all got them too," NeoVid replied. "I'm 
NeoVid, and this is Zeek, Mark Poa, and goth boy zerosum. The guy about to beat 
you with the bat is Ryan Jakobi, better known as R. Jak."

"Who said I was goth?" zerosum said indignantly. Everyone ignored him.

R. Jak looked around nervously, and put the bat back in his trenchcoat. "I'm 
sorry. I thought you were Lief Garret for a moment."

"Yes, quite." Scott smiled, inching his way far from him.

zerosum blinked in confusion. "Anyway, you guys all got the same note? That's 
odd, 'cause mine says something about a new writer welcoming session."

"Really?" asked Scott. "Mine says she wants to break my will by showing me bad 
fanfiction."

"Hmmm... this seems suspicious," Zeek murmured.

"I'm starting to have a real bad feeling about this," Mark noted.

Suddenly, two things happened simultaneously. The first was that a strange 
person teleported into the theater lobby.  The second was that the doors
swung shut.

"It's a trap!" cried Mark, Admiral Ackbar-style.

"Gee," Scott drawled. "I didn't see that coming."

R. Jak ran to the doors and tried to open them. "It's no good," he sighed 
dejectedly.

In the meantime, NeoVid was staring at the newest arrival, dressed in a blue 
hat, red pants, and yellow shoes. He was holding something that looked rather 
like a GameBoy Color. "Yay, someone from the fifth dimension." He then blinked. 
"Why did I just say that?"

"Okay, boy," R. Jak said, bat out again. "Who are you and why do you look like a 
fashion victim?"

"I Mr. Knht," the new arrival said. "I from fifth dimension. Am happy happy 
happy to be here!" He smiled to the confused crowd.

NeoVid narrowed his eyes. "You're Thinker, aren't you?"

Mr. Knht shook his head. "Not Thinker. Definitly no Thinker."

"Oh?" Zeek said. "Why'd you use broken English then?" 

Mr. Khnt paused. "Wel..."

"Ask about the Pokemon Game Boy carrying case too, Vid." Mark said, pointing to 
a fanny pack on Knht's person.

"Is coindicence, really!" Knht protested. "I come to see bad fanfciotion, no 
rite it!"

zerosum groaned. "Oh, this is one of *those* places."

"Okay Mister..." R. Jak paused. "How do you pronounce that again, Mr... uh..."

"It's pronounced Cun-" WHAP "OW!" NeoVid ended.

"Save it for the MSTing."

Just then, the monitor lit up. Everyone turned to see...

"Ooh, look! A sale at Sears!" Scott yelled gleefully.

"That's the TV, dummy," Mark hissed.

"Oh, sorry." Scott turned around with the group just in time to see an evil 
looking woman glowering at them. It took them a while to figure out the 
identity.

"Kate!" Scott yelled. "What are you doing? And what are you wearing?" 

The girl on the monitor certainly looked like Kate, but she was dressed like 
Queen Uzume.

"Not Kate, my dear friend. Magic Emperor... oh, wait, wrong game," ?Kate? said. 
"Well, it's nice to see that my plans worked so well."

"Wait..." R. Jak paused. "Our Mad is... Kate?"

"Have you gone insane?" Mark asked. Everyone looked at him. He shrugged. "What? 
Someone had to ask it."

"How could she have gone insane?" NeoVid yelled. "The only thing she's watched 
so far are those Thinkerfics and a couple of other things. I mean, it's not like 
she went mad over THOSE!"

"Yes, my dear NeoVid," "Kate" replied. "I'm as sane as I ever was."

"I'd have to agree," Scott chimed in.

He was ignored. "And I'm not really Kate. Would you like to see her? She's right 
here." She stepped aside to reveal two tied-up figures - the "real" Kate, and...

"Jon!" NeoVid exclaimed. 

"Jon?" Mark replied.

"Yeah. Jon," R. Jak answered.

"Who Jon?" Mr. Knht asked.

"You stinking rotter, so that's where you've been!" R. Jak responded angrily.

"Hi, guys," the "real" Kate said in an embarrassed tone. "Sorry about this."

"Hey yo," Jonatan ^_^'ed at the group.

"How did this happen?" NeoVid asked.

"Well, you remember how I had to take Jonatan to get cloned after I accidentally 
summoned Odin on him?" she explained.

zerosum, Zeek, and Scott shared nervous glances.

"It was an accident!" she yelled. "Honestly! Anyhow, I got Yon-kun back--"

"Back with a vengeance!" Jonatan quipped. Kate shot him a glare before 
continuing.

"And then I sorta...um...tripped and fell in one of the cloning vats. So that's 
how she got here. And there was something wrong with the process, so she's a 
warped and evil version of me."

NeoVid grinned. "Evil Kate, huh? Cool. But rather unoriginal, though."

Scott gave the projection a once-over. "Hey, Kate... how come you don't wear 
shinyleather more often?"

"And," Kate emphasized, doing her best to ignore him, "she's got mysterious 
psychic powers as well as being much stronger than I am, so she overpowered us, 
captured us, and has been holding us prisoner since then," she finished 
expositing.

"But Jonatan, you can eat through steel chains!" Mark pointed out. "Why didn't 
you try to escape?" He paused. "Or maybe I didn't need to ask that?" he added 
with a weird grin.

"Eheh..." Jonatan shrugged. "I kinda like being tied up by a cute girl." He 
winked at Evil Kate. "Hey, bayy-be! When do we start on the other stuff?"

"Thought so," Mark muttered.

Kate gritted her teeth and would have hit him if she hadn't been tied up as 
well.

"Are you finished, Ayame?" Evil Kate said scornfully.

"Actually, no," Kate replied. "She was the 'me' in the theater last week, 
observing the process. And apparently none of the guys even noticed!"

"Don't blame them," R. Jak said sadly.

Zeek shrugged. "I never saw you before then, and the rest of them aren't here."

"Okay, now I'm finished," Kate said. "Now will you get me out of here?!"

"I don't think so," Evil Kate answered. "You see, now that I have all your 
friends, I plan to inflict the agony of bad fanfiction upon them! I will delight 
in driving out their sanity! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I've told you once, I've told you twice, that's not the right laugh for you..." 
Jonatan muttered.

"Why?" Scott asked simply.

"Why not?" Evil Kate answered. He shrugged. 

"Now," she continued, "if you'll turn around, I think you'll notice something 
different..."

"And now, for something completely different," Jonatan ^_^'ed. Evil Kate's 
eyebrow twitched slightly.

The group obligingly turned.

"I don't think there were two doors there before," R. Jak observed.

"Elementary, my dear Watson," Jonatan quipped.

"Woofer's not here," Mark answered.

Evil Kate grinned. "That's right. My 'original', along with Jonatan and my 
assistant, have been doing a little remodeling. We've expanded the theater to 
have a second projection room."

"Asisstant? What assitnat?" Mr. Knht asked.

"Echo, come on out!" Evil Kate called.

Obligingly, TV's Echo Albarn, author of the previous fic, stepped out and waved.

"Hello," he said.

"After we left him locked in the theater last time, he started to go a little 
crazy," Evil Kate explained. "I found him gibbering in the corner, and he was so 
happy to see another human being that he agreed to help me without even 
realizing what he was agreeing to."

"Yap, yap, yap," Jonatan said.

At this point, Evil Kate spun around. "Do you want something, you pathetic 
excuse of--"

"Boy, you certainly love the sound of your own voice," he chided. "And you 
called Kate-chan Ayame?"

"I'll have you know--"

"Maybe YOU'RE Ayame! Wow, I'm being held prisoner by one of my own creations!" 
He grinned even wider. "Let's see you transform into Sailor Exp--"  *WHAP!*  
"Ow! Getting rough, chika? That's the way I like it!"

"ENOUGH!" She grabbed him by his restraining ropes, hoisted him into the air, 
and booted him offscreen. The outside group could only watch in surprise as the 
window to the projection room shattered and the offending Swede flew out, 
landing gracefully on his face.

"That must got hurting," Mr. Knht said.

"Need help with those ropes?" Zeek asked, drawing his sword.

"Ah? No need." Jonatan leapt to his feet, twirling the now untied rope in his 
hand. "A little trick I learned from Houdini."

"Isn't he dead?" Mark asked.

"You really think the afterlife would be able to hold him?" Jonatan ^_^'ed.

"AHEM!" Evil Kate said, drawing everyone's attention again.

"Now, here's how we're going to work this. You four," she pointed at Jonatan, 
Zeek, Mark, and Scott, "go to Theater A. The rest of you go to Theater B. And if 
you try anything funny...I won't hesitate to do something really nasty and 
evil to your friend here." She pointed at the original Kate, who hung her head 
apologetically.

"I never meant to get any of you involved in this," Kate murmured. "I'm sorry."

"Echo, push the button," Evil Kate said triumphantly.

Echo nodded and did as he was told.

"WE'VE GOT FANFICTION SIGN!"

As the sirens blared off, and everyone began running to their respective doors, 
Zeek looked directly at Evil Kate.

"You realize I'm not scared at all. Mainly because I saw something just as 
terrifying before I got to the theatre.  Teletubbies in a video game.  Now
excuse me."

Walking behind him, Mark shuddered. "Teletubbies? Scary."

"Let me get this straight," R. Jak said, rather annoyedly. "I have to spend 
looking at a fic with a psychotic immortal-like creature, a pseudo-goth, 
and...and..." He looked at Mr. Knht again. "...and Thinker?!?"

"I tell you same ting, I NOT Thinker!" Mr. Knht protested loudly, jumping up and 
down to establish his point.

"And I'm not a goth," zerosum said calmly.

"Aw, cheer up, Jak," NeoVid said, putting a hand around his shoulder. "What's 
four or so hours with these sort of mad creatures?"

Jak sighed. "Okay, let's roast this baby." He walked off to the theater.

"Is he always that irritable?" zerosum asked NeoVid as the rest walked through 
the door.

"He's been a little touchy after that "Nemesis" thing at Dream City," NeoVid 
explained. "Don't worry. He'll be fine."

The group began their descent.

"By the way, you do look a lot like Thinker," NeoVid offered.

"LIE! LIE!"

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

DOOR SEQUENCE:

Door 4B: It seems to be invisible. You wait around for something to happen, 
until you realize there isn't one there at all. 

Door 3B: A giant computer blocks the passageway. The screen shows a Windows 
logo. You give it the three finger salute, and it degausses out of
existence.

Door 2B: A huge electric face is standing in the way. "Don't Go Up! Or Get A 
Shock!" Mr. Knht uses his magic Game Boy to call a few Raichu to sap
powers from the face. The riffers go on up.

Door 1B: It's Mr. Mxyzptlk himself. After Mr. Knht gives him a punch, Mr. 
Mxyztplk transports the riffers to Theater B's entrance.

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

zero: So, what do we do now?
NeoVid: Zeek said something about a short before the main story.
R. Jak: Uh...which one?
NeoVid: Pokemon OAV by Dr. Thinker.
zero: That good or bad?
Mr. Knht: It good if you rike Thinker.

> POKEMON OAV Vol #2 - "Brocking & 
> Brolling" By Dr. Thinker

Mr. Knht: Brike finfac senice 1997.
zero: Are you sure you're not Thinker?
Mr. Knht: I NOT! I more Thinker than J. Rak!
(All look at R. Jak)
R. Jak: Lies. ALL lies.

> 
> ########################
> 
> Ash had waste no time since we last saw 
> him after talking to "Wheeler" and 
> "Fast Girl".

(NeoVid snickers)
zerosum: I'm sure that was unintentional.

> He mentions that he got a 
> Catpire

zero: AUUUGGHH!! THERE'S A CATPIRE ON MY NECK!

> and a Weedle and they evolved 
> very quicky. 

R. Jak: [Cardinal Fang] Vun pound fer a full sketch, tventy four penze fer a 
                        quicky.
Mr. Knht: You are German is more rotten then a cartoon of rotten eggs with a 
          side order of dirty ham. 
R. Jak: It was Spanish, not German. You know, Spanish Inquisition?
Mr. Knht: Oh. Solly.
zero: You call that French?

> Ash had mention that he 
> kicked five bug trainer's Pokemon's 
> tails back to their Pokeball. 

Mr. Knht: Isn't me or does that sound plan wrong? 
NeoVid: Bug Pokemons have tails?
Mr. Knht: Yes, sort of... I think.
zero: It's abdomens, not tails.
R. Jak: Thank you, zero.

> Ash isn't 
> really happening

NeoVid: Yeah, you're just uncool, Ash dude.
Mr. Knht: Let's just smile and nodded.
NeoVid: Who escaped the Satellite of Love and made you boss here?

> with his wins, he 
> knows that lower bug Pokemon are almost 
> as weak as a Marikarp. 

zero: Is he making up Pokemon as he goes along?

> Ash sees a building ahead and sighs 
> with reliff. That he doesn't had to 
> deal with bug-brained trainers. 

NeoVid: Like him. 

> He 
> enters and sees the first buidling. A 
> POKEMON CENTER!

All: Dun dun DUUUUN!

> Ash sees a Nurse Joy, and he's shock. 

R.Jak: Pikachu's been ODing again...

> He learns about Nurse Joy's huge family 
> and she's is the mother of the Joy in 
> Virdain. Nurse Joy can arrange in any 
> age from 18 to 109. 

R. Jak: And she's got huge... tracts o' land too.

> Ash aslo learns 
> about Officers Jennys as well, they 
> kind of the same, 

zero: With short skirts and all.

> but can arrange from 
> ages 26 to 120.

NeoVid: And they're STILL wearing short skirts! YAAGH!
Mr. Knht: Any feels like hitting the stuffing of NeoVid, be my guest.
R. Jak: He knows lightning elemental spells. I'm not touching him.

> Nurse Joy aslo tells 
> that the biograpy of the Pewter's City 
> Gym Leader is on a post. 

R. Jak: Nurse Joy explained that it was a result of bad building permits.
Mr. Knht: That's kid of thinkish, when you think about that like, Mr. Jak.
R. Jak: Oh, now I'M Thinker now.  That it, Thinker?
Mr. Knht: Listen.  I NOT THINKER!

> Like all of 
> the city. 

Mr. Knht: Look like ALL building have bad permit. 

> A man ask if he had visit the measum 
> yet. He takes a measum tour lonely with 
> a strange female like smile at any 
> mention of the words: WATER POKEMON. 
> (You find out who's is young woman is 
> Vol. #3.)

Mr. Knht: Any wan't to make a bet on that beeing Misty, be my guess.
R. Jak: No. My guess is Faye Dunaway.
NeoVid: I'd say Natalie Portman.
zero: Mmm... Natalie Portman...

> Then he talks to the man 
> again and ask to visit the Gym Leader. 

R. Jak: To which he says "No, are you crazy?"

> The man leads Ash to the gates. Right 
> next to the door is post:

zero: "Turtle's Paradise flyer number seven. What are you doing here anyway? 
      Come to Wutai, dammit!"

> Long time ago, Flint Bonte had 11 
> kids. Flint died at the age 24, 

NeoVid: Showing that Pokemon Trainers die at an early age.
R. Jak: That tears it. I'm getting out of the profession before it's too late.
zero: Eleven kids at twenty-four? Exactly when did he have time to train 
      Pokemon?
Mr. Knht: When ever his wife was in the...
(NeoVid takes out a wind cannon and blast Mr. Knht back. Mr. Knht recovers and 
returns to his seat.)
Mr. Knht: Thank. I need that.
NeoVid: Welcome.
R. Jak: Where the hell'd you get a wind cannon, Vid?
NeoVid: K-Mart.

> and 
> his deathbed wish was to give the 
> Pokemon to the older children in this 
> friendly. That was the 11 kid, Brock 
> Bonte.

zero: Fun fact: Brock's last name is Harrison. Who the heck are these Bonte 
      people?
Mr. Knht: Just place it in another dimision and and let it be. 

> Mr. Bronte likes his Pokemon, 
> but he become a gym leader to support 
> his remanding family, which 
> includings his mother, Maya Bonte. 

Mr. Knht: Well, why not mom get job? She lazy or soemthing?

> Brock is really into rock Pokemon.

(Everyone looks at NeoVid)
NeoVid: ...Don't worry. I read a Hachi Machi fic that conditioned me against 
        Pokelemon riffs.
(Mr. Knht and Zerosum shudder.  R. Jak nods thoughtfully and continues reading.)

> He 
> only had two now. Signed The D.. 
> Man. 

R. Jak: Demon?
NeoVid: Defenestration?
Mr. Knht: Dog?
NeoVid: Dumbass?
zero: Dild *WHACK!*
R. Jak: (puts his bat away) Watch the language, gothickhead.
Zerosum: Owww!
Mr. Knht: Mine if I five high you?
R. Jak: Let me think about it...nope.

> Ash wonders who's the D. Man, but the 
> thoughts of Rock Pokemon. He opens up 
> the Pokedex and finds a CHART on the 
> Pokedex's menu.

zero: For some reason, he never noticed it before this episode...

> Ash finds out the water 
> makes rock look like a gray mudd. 

zerosum: Only thing I have to ask. What's in the water?
Mr. Knht: Not beer for sure.

> Ash 
> thinks Squirte is ready. And he walks 
> in and meets a Jr. Trainer. Ash makes 
> Jr. Trainer

zero: ...squeal like- OW!!
(R. Jak puts away the bat again.)
Mr. Knht: (smiling) Keep it PG or you going to get something so worst then 
                    death.

> run to the Pokecenter and 
> waltz up to face Brock. 

NeoVid: Oh God. Not... Pokemon line dancing!

> With Squirte, 
> has trashes Brock's Pokemon. 
> Afterwords, Squirte evolves into 
> Wartoriste. 

R. Jak: And he got a nasty skin growth.
zero: He's making them up. Nothing could really sound that ridiculous.
Mr. Knht: Yes. It not make sense.
NeoVid: What do you mean it doesn't make much sense? You WROTE the damn thing.
Mr Knht: No...THINKER write thing. No me.
(NeoVid growls.)

> Ash walks at night into the path 
> leading to Mt. Moon.

NeoVid: Only mountain in the world to look just like a butt...

> 
> ############################################

Mr. Knht: Shirt+3=this!
Zerosum: How did you do that?
Mr. Knht: That is a sercet. 
NeoVid: Maybe your name's Xelsoss?
Mr. Knht: NOT! My name is Mr. Knht!!!!!

> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 

Mr. Knht: What happen?
R. Jak: Please, no more spaces.

> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 

R. Jak: I'm serious...

> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>

R. Jak: STOP THAT!

(silence)

R. Jak: Whoah. Cool.
Evil Kate: (over mike) That was only a prelude to the next story. Mwahahahaha! 
Good Kate: (over mike) I'm very, very sorry about this.
Mr. Knht: After we finish the story, we going to kick your twin, like they is NO 
tommorrow and free the good Kate. 
R. Jak: What do you mean WE, Thinker?
Mr. Knht: I NOT...!
Evil Kate: (over mike) I'm invisible!!!!!!! BHAW-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! See 
you, suckers!

R. Jak: Okay, uh...what's the fic anyway?
(pause)
NeoVid: Kate never mentioned that.
R. Jak: (sigh) Wonderful. We're going blind then.
NeoVid: Naw, we won't go blind 'til after we've read some of it.
Mr Knht: Ooh! More fun!
zero: I don't get any of this...

> The van crested

Mr. Knht: into the Moon. 

> the hill and rolled 

Mr. Knht: Off the cliff. The End.
zero: Aren't you being a bit too abrupt?
Mr. Knht: Just want this over with. That all.
zero: Really, Thinker?
Mr. Knht: I not the Thinker!

> down the gentle incline on the other 
> side. The driver stared impassively out 
> the window,

NeoVid: [driver] Looks like I'm going over another cliff... yawn.

> squinting through the rain 
> at the light in the distance.

R. Jak: You know, this is just how "Psycho" started.
Mr. Knht: How Bill Gates driven.

> He was 

Mr. Knht: One of the 7 Obo Ninjas. 
(pause)
NeoVid: What?
Mr. Kngt: Then I quess that you hadn't watch the "Wrath of the Ninja."

> one of nature's drivers, one with a 
> vigilance that comes not from cups of 
> coffee or a sense of duty, but from

zero: Copious amounts of drugs.
NeoVid: [driver] Dudethat'safilthylie  
                 I'mnotonspeedwhatmakesyouthinkI'monspeed!?!?

> simply not expending much energy on 
> other activities like talking or having 
> facial expressions. 

R. Jak: So he was a boring person. SO WHAT?

> Sitting beside the 
> bishounehn

NeoVid: 'Bishounehn': Japanese for 'wussy.'

> driver was a more cheerful 
> purple haired teenage girl, 

Mr. Khnt: [Usagi] Horatu? What happen to you?
zero: Gotta love Manic Panic.

> who was

Mr. Khnt: sharping her bamboo stick. 
R. Jak: You absolutely sure you're not Thinker?
Mr. Knht: LIE!
zero: Oh! You're Fujin!
Mr. Knht: Go! Veparon! Ice Beam!
(A funny-looking water creature in the shape of a racoon blasts zero and freezes 
him with an Ice Beam.)

> causing the driver problems with a very 
> large map, which she handled with all 
> the skill

R. Jak: ...of a drunk blind man with one arm.
NeoVid: On speed.

> that can be realistically 
> maintained with with a four metre 
> square piece of paper. 

NeoVid: Which doesn't account for much.

> "Ano, I knew we 
> should have taken a right turn at 
> Albuquerque."

(groans)
R. Jak: We got goofy fanfic, ladies and gentlemen.
Mr. Knht: When do Bugs Bunny written fan-fiction?

(The ice holding zero begins to crack.)

> Said the navigator.

(The ice holding zero shatters.)

Mr. Knht: Is the drirver.
NeoVid: Does the helmsman.
zerosum: Had the science officer.
R. Jak: (looks at them) You two are disgusting.
Mr. Knht: Me hate ichies! Go! Raichu! 
(Out of Mr. Knht's Game Boy, Raichu appears, shocking everybody except Mr. 
Knht.)

> From 
> the back of the van a blonde blue eyed 
> girl 

NeoVid: Oh great. Aryans.

> looked up from a local guide book. 
> "I thought the concert was in

Mr Khnt: ...The 5th dimision.

> Los 
> Angeles." 
> 
> "Oh... So Los Alamos isn't a misprint 
> then..." 

zero: I'm assuming that was supposed to be funny.
NeoVid: I dunno.

> The van continued along the road 
> for a few minutes,

NeoVid: Even though they had to run over a lot of pedestrians to do that
        without stopping.

> before a muscular 
> lad 

R. Jak: Whom we didn't notice before but will now make a crucial contribution to
        this story.

> sitting opposite the blue eyed girl 
> spoke: 
> 
> "Han, are you sure that map's the right 
> way up?" 
> 
> "Yes, what do you think I know nothing

zero: Yep. That was reaaaallly obvious to us.

> about navigation?" Another girl who 
> looked similar the navigator, except 
> for her hair, 

Mr Knht: Making her not similar.

> looked up. 
> 
> "Hanaki... Is that the right map?" 
> 

NeoVid: Hanaki? Wait, if this is what I think it is...

> "Er... Whoops." Everyone on the van 
> facefaulted in anger, except for the 
> driver who merely sighed. A cool 
> looking curvaceous young lass 

R. Jak: Who ALSO happens to be there...oy...
zero: Hanaki and someone who looks similar? I don't know if I like this...

> sitting 
> behind the driver's seat took on an 
> evil expression. 

Mr. Knht: I going to remove Dragon Ball Z from television.
Zerosum: Are you not? Why not take Pokemon off the air?
Mr. Knht: I like it. You all ready see my Game Boy has the power to use any
          Pokemon found in Pokemon Red, Pokemon Yellow or Pokemon Green. 
Zerosum: What about Gold and Sliver?
Mr. Knight: You had to wait for it to come out, before I starting.

> "Matsuro. Stop the van." The driver 
> blinked and spoke, which was almost a 
> special occasion in itself. 

NeoVid: Yay! The driver actually does something!
zero: (twitch) ...Do...Gooders...omake... (twitch)
NeoVid: Hey! This IS Do-Gooders World Tour! This is one of my all time favorite  
        omakes!
(Everyone stares at him)
R. Jak: You actually KNOW this crap?
Mr. Knht: This man are sick.

> "We'll have to wait for a lay by." A 
> dark haired sensible girl,

Mr. Knht: If they in this story, it's un-sensible.

> correction, young woman, looked over to the cool 
> one. 
> 
> "Why? What are you up to Keiko?" 

zero: [Keiko] No, I'm up to twenty, but thanks for asking. And by the lay,  
              lhat's a lay by?

> Keiko 
> smiled evilly. 
> "Hanaki's the navigator... she can go out 
> and look for a local landmark." 

R. Jak: [Hanaki] Look! A local landmark!

> 
> Hanaki stuck out her tongue at Keiko 
> and turned her attention to

NeoVid: Kireiko, if he was lucky...

> the road, 
> something small, cute and furry dashed 
> across the road, 

R. Jak: It's Pikachu! Kill it!
(Mr. Knht kicks R. Jak.)

> seemingly about to 
> become another road kill statistic. 
> 

NeoVid: [cute thing] Look ma, I'm a statistic!

> "GAH!" Cried Hanaki as she grabbed the 
> wheel and sent the van swerving off the 
> road. 
> 
> Had it been a different point on the 
> road or a slightly dryer day, this 
> would have resulted in explosive death 
> for all eight of the van's occupants. 

NeoVid: Eight? I thought there was only six!
R. Jak: The other two are in the trunk, I think.
Mr Khnt: Vans are had trunks? 

> Fortunately, the day had been 
> consistently wet and there actually was 
> a small ditch by the road, so there was 
> no noise of metal scraping on tarmac 
> and the doom laden sound of

R. Jak: ...This ending so we don't have to go through it all.
NeoVid: What's tarmac?

> a spreading 
> puddle of inflammable petrol just 
> before the really loud final noise. 

zero: Why can't they just say "The car crashed into the side of the road"?
Mr. Knht: Cause it VAN, not car. Dummy.

> Instead there was the squeak of balding 
> tyres against wet tarmac and a small 
> squelchy sort of noise as the van

NeoVid: ...Squashed 20 more pedestrians.

> left 
> the road, tipped over onto it's side 
> and slid to a halt. The van lay there 
> for a moment, and completely failed to 
> explode spectacularly. 

All: BOOOO!

> 
> "This is all your fault." 

Mr. Knht: Who said that?
zero: The author, probably.
NeoVid: [author] Dammit! I just leave the computer for ONE MINUTE...

> 
> 
> The Do-Gooders World tour 

NeoVid: See? I called it!
All: Huh?
R. Jak: Okay. NOW they start it.

> This part by Eslington. 

Mr Khnt: It take whole town to write?
NeoVid: Sounds kinda English.
R. Jak: I think the use of "metres" and "tyres" made that obvious.
zero: And "petrol".
R. Jak: That too.

> <Eslington@bigfoot.com> 
> 
> Original Do-Gooders concept by 
> Stefan Gagne, 1998 

zero: Sadly, there is none of his wit in this story.
NeoVid: Nor will we see the really big button that really doesn't do anything.
R. Jak: (sadly) I miss Spatula City.

> Episode one of this Omake Series: 
> 
> Lost and alone in California.

R. Jak: Or episode One: In which we crash the van and kooky stuff happens.

> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 

All: Get ON with it!

> "No it isn't, if anything it's Becky's 
> fault." 
> 
> The occupants of the van immediately 
> began arguing, using techniques varying 
> from logical reasoning, through witty 
> insults and sarcasm, 

Mr. Knht: Through using brunt object on heads.

> and at the other 
> end of the scale, the classic sticking 
> of the fingers in the ears and shouting 
> "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LALALA!" 

zero: And mostly at the same time.
NeoVid: [occupants] Oh, I'm SURE it wasn't your fault but I CAN'T hear you!
        LALALA! But let's look at it logically.

> The only 
> two that weren't arguing were the 
> bishounen driver, 

R. Jak: You mean gay? 
zero: No, he just looks like it.

> who was trying 
> without success to push the door on the 
> new ceiling open and another Hanaki 
> clone, who had been gagged an bound 

NeoVid: In hopes of fooling us into thinking there'll be something hentai going  
        on.
R. Jak: I'm just glad Jon's in the other theater.

> after one to many long winded attempt 
> at giving directions. The clone shook 
> her head; the crash had loosened the 
> gag sufficiently for her to speak, to 
> the dismay of all present. 

Mr Khnt: I don't want to her speaking either.

> "Oh hello! I suppose you lot are 
> wondering what me and the crew are 
> doing in a ditch thousands of miles 
> from home arguing over who's to blame." 

All: [group] NO WE AREN'T!

> Tejina sweatdropped, her new sister was 
> being crazy again. 
> 
> "Ayame, who are you talking to?" 
> 
> "Them." 
> 
> "Who?" 

R. Jak: [Ayame] The little pixies with the flowers in their bums.

> "Them, out there." Everyone present 
> facefaulted, bar Hanaki. 

(The group looks around.)
Mr. Knht: Oh, no! Four Wall is Sayonna!

> 
> "Han, who does she keep talking to?" 
> 
> "Them." 
> 
> "Who?" 
> 
> "Them, out there." 

zero: [Hanaki] You just SAID that!

> At this point, even 
> the driver was almost on the point of 
> sweatdropping. Ayame smiled and 
> continued talking to her unseen 
> friends. 

R Jak: Friends? Where?
zero: Ayame, you have got to grow out of this invisible friend stage.

> 
> "Well anyway, it all started last week 
> when the spring term ended. Becky had 
> managed to get us some gigs..." 

zero: Oh no! Flashback!
All: AAAAAAUGH!

> 
> Using her exposition powers, Ayame 
> reached into the very fabric of 
> reality,

All: *Wayne's World flashback sound*
Mr. Knht: How can I do that?
R. Jak: Don't worry, it doesn't have to make sense.

> making the scene go all 
> shimmery. The shimmering lifted to 
> reveal the Naoko Family's basement. All 
> those present in the van were also 
> present in the subterranean practice 
> room. 

Mr. Knht: Deep beneth Statley Wayne Manor...
R. Jak: Bruce Wayne as Batman was working on Batmobile, which crashed durning a 
        car battle with the Joker. 

> 
> "...so I posted a few MP3s of our songs 
> on the net a week ago and now we've got 

R. Jak: A lawsuit from Napster!
Mr. Knght: Mettila is going to talk from you. 


> all sorts of offers from people all 
> over the world!" 
> 
> "You don't mean..." Tejina gasped. 

zero: You're right, she doesn't! 
NeoVid: [Becky] Yeah, Hef wants to meet us personally!

> 
> "A world tour!" Everyone in the room 
> gasped, bar Matsuro. 

Mr. Knht: I confuse. They mean they gasp then hit Matsuro with bar?
R. Jak: They mean that everyone EXCEPT Matsuro.
Mr. Knht: Good! I remember that when wr...
(The group stares at Mr. Knht.)
Mr. Knht: Wreading! That it! Wreading!
R. Jak: As if, Thinker.
Mr. Knht: I hope the sun goes up to 120 fregihight drecess high in your city for 
at least two months after this.

> Tejina managed to 
> regain control of her vocal cords. 
> 
> "Becky... you... you... you..." 
> 
> "Genius? Star? Beauty?" 

NeoVid: Ho?
zero: Wanker? (All look at him.) Don't you guys like British slang?

> "Idiot! How am I going to explain this 
> sudden holiday

zero: As a plot point. Duh.

> to my parents?" 
> 
> "I thought of that, I asked some of my 
> contacts about that and they came up 
> with this nifty little list of 
> explanations." Tejina looked over the 
> list, her expression gradually souring. 

Mr. Knht: [Tejina] Ooh, I no like the one about venereal diseseas. 

> "Becky! Half these explanations are 
> totally loony!" 

R. Jak: Your point being?

> "But the other half are okay aren't 
> they?" 
> 
> "I suppose... But what about every one 
> else's parents?" Becky grinned. 

R Jak (Becky): They all must die...

> 
> "I can fake some field trip letters, 
> What could po- Er... No problems." 
> 
> 

Mr. Knght: Say it! Die horiblle deathes!
R. Jak: Stay frosty, man.

> ***
> 
> 

(NeoVid leaves...)

> 
> 

(Gets a pizza...)

> 
> 

(Comes back...)

> 
> Getting permission to leave the country 
> was actually quite easy for all 
> concerned. 

NeoVid: Every Evil Overlord, cultist, and small time crook in the country was 
        willing to grease the wheels a little.

> 
> 
> ***
> 
> 

R. Jak: I've become concerned about this guy's waste of space.

> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> "Kireiko... Did you forge this letter?" 

All: GAH!
zero: Jeez! Give us a warning or something!

> "No" answered Kireiko, truthfully. 

Mr. Khnt: [Kireiko] I wrote it. Who does makes letter out of steel anymore?

> 
> "Hmm..." Kireiko's father's demon hunter 
> instincts nagged at him. 

R. Jak: [instincts] Burn the boy! BURN the boy!

> [You'll be unleashing a half-oni on the 
> world, think of the horrible events 
> that may happen!] The demon hunter 
> instincts then came into a head on 
> collision with the cost accountant 
> instincts. 
> 
> [If he's out of the country, you won't 
> have to feed him for two weeks.] 

NeoVid: You don't have to do that now.

> 
> [What if he runs out of odufa shirts?] 

R. Jak: [What is odufa?]
zero: [Why are we speaking like this?]

> 
> [He can sew new odufa... onto shirts he's 
> bought with his own money.] 
> 
> [Think of the havoc he'll wreak on the 
> people of the earth!] 

NeoVid: As long as he takes out France first, it's fine with me.

> [Think of the havoc he won't wreak on 
> your neighbours... who know where you 
> live.] 

NeoVid: Think of the plot advancement!
zero: Think of the fame and fortune!
Mr. Knht: Think of starving childlen in Africa with no food and...
(R. Jak hits Mr. Knht with the baseball bat.)

> [At least think of the cost of 
> transporting a haf-oni...] 
> 
> "Who's paying for this?" 
> 
> "Be- The school." 

zero: Do- The Dew.

> 
> [The choice... Is yours.] 

Mr. Khnt: Nextime on Captain Planet...
NeoVid: No, thanks to the shape the world's in, he's been demoted to Sergeant 
        Planet.

> 
> "Ok Kireiko, its time you saw more of 
> the world... Besides, you'll probably fit 
> in better in the US than here." 
> 
> "Thanks Dad, can I borrow some money?" 
> 
> "No." 
> 

R. Jak: [John Cleese] This is what cost accountancy does to people. 

> 
> ***
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 

R. Jak: You know, we could probably write our own fic in this guy's white space.
NeoVid: I don't wanna do anything in a guy's white space.

> 
> "Hmm... So you'll be travelling across 
> the world then..." 
> 
> "Yes dad." 
> 
> Villyn scratched his chin, deep in 
> thought [Should I really let my 
> precious Aki-chan out into the big 
> dangerous world? At her age? But then 
> she is growing up so fast, any day now 
> she'll be double-crossing me for a 

zero: ...Nickel, probably.

> square jawed hero in my moment of 
> glory. Besides, there may be an 
> advantage...] 
> 
> "Aki, I have thought long and hard 
> about this... and I have decided to let 
> you go, on one condition." Aki sighed; 
> the problem was about to arrive. 
> 
> "Which is?" 

R. Jak: [Villyn] You bring me one of those cheap little Statue of Liberty 
                 figurines.
zero: [Villyn] Blow up Washington for me. I've been meaning to get around to 
               it...

> "Bring back lots of photographs for 
> your dad." Aki blinked, her father was 
> being unusually sentimental. 
> 
> "That's it?" 
> 
> "Yes... With pictures of the military 
> placements of the world, I shall be 
> able to strike at the heart of the 
> world's armed forces! After the 
> obliteration of resistance, I SHALL 
> RULE THE WORLD! BWA-HAHAHAHAHA!" Aki 
> nodded, already planning what to say 
> about her pictures when she got back... 

Mr. Knht: But they will kind of fuzz and all dark, those most of them were taked 
          by the light. 
zero: Indeed... what?
Mr. Knht: I feel like a moron.
Zerosum: You are when you written by Dr. Thinker
Mr. Knht: Then you just come on one. Don't worry, the four wall cracked  
          allready.

> [As you can see, there are no naval 
> bases on this strip of beach here, so 
> you probably shouldn't bother attacking 
> there. And there are no

NeoVid: ...Scenes we'd find entertaining anywhere in this story.

> missile silos 
> in this picture-esque mountain range...] 

Mr. Knht: You should attack Gotham City, Metroplis, Gateway City, and Fawcett 
          City.
Zerosum: (to NeoVid) Is it just me, or is Thinker nuts?
Mr. Knht: I NOT THINKER!!!! I could writ better then him anyday!
Zerosum: Yeah, like I belive you, THINKER!
Mr. Knht: I not Thinker!!!!!!

> It would be nice to get out of the 
> house for a while, away from all these 
> maniacs. 

R. Jak: Yes, the maniacs she'll be travelling with are -so- much nicer.
NeoVid: Why doesn't anyone believe I'm a nice maniac? I keep the rust off my 
        axe!

> "But for your safety I want you to

zero: [Villyn] ...Stay blindfolded so they can't see you.

> take 
> the Quake Camper and the Blank Psychic 
> with you." 

Mr. Knht: What does a empty wizard and a person who play DOOM-like video games 
          had to do with this? 
NeoVid: Hey, I'm not keeping track.

> [Uh-oh] thought Aki [Time for some 
> quick thinking...] 

R. Jak: And seven hours later, she had an idea.

> "But dad, Be- the school wont pay for 
> them." 
> 
> "Pah! 

Mr. Knht: Pah! Is FUN word! Say it!
zero: Uh... pah?
Mr. Knht: Pah! Ha ha! Pah!
R. Jak: You people have too much fun.

> The school shall not stand in my 
> way, I shall send my faithful minions 
> on

NeoVid: [Villyn] ...Speed! They can run across the ocean!

> my own money!" 
> 
> "I think the school bought all the 
> seats for the flight to San Francisco." 
> 
>
> "Then I shall

NeoVid: [Villyn] Fire them out of a catapult!

> send them on another 
> flight." 

All: Oh.

> [Oh no] thought Aki [This is going to 
> get difficult] 

R. Jak: [Aki] He's actually thinking!

> "I think it's the only flight for the 
> next few weeks." Aki hoped that her 
> father would fall for it. He did, 
> however... 

Mr Khnt: Hwever WHAT! Dont laeve us suspense!

> "Well... This letter says you'll be 
> stopping in Los Angeles. They can meet 
> you there." 

R. Jak: Yeah, but who'd want to go THERE?

> Aki sighed and gave up. At least the 
> Camper was reasonably sane, though how 
> he'd react to being on a fault line... 

Mr. Knht: Fault line? Must be where the anime creatues learn to facefault. 

> 
> 
> 
> ***
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 

zero: Naptime. *zzzz*

> 
> 
> "Mother?" 

(zero jumps and falls on the floor.)
R. Jak: Warned you.

> "Yes Keiko?" 

NeoVid: [Keiko] I'm having a baby.

> "I'm going on a trip around the world 
> with some friends. I'll be

NeoVid: [Keiko] ...Wearing nothing but this leath- OW!
(R. Jak puts the bat away again.)
Mr. Knht: You vely untolerant man.
R. Jak: Thanks.

> back in two 
> weeks." 
> 
> "That's nice dear." Said Keiko's 
> mother. 
> 
> "I'll be going to far away and exotic 
> locations..." 

Mr. Knht: The fifth demension!
NeoVid: Dream City!
zero: #improfanfic!
R. Jak: Uh... the Dancing Itos!
(All look at R. Jak)
R. Jak: Sorry, I panicked.

> "Be sure to wrap up warm dear." Said 
> her Father, expending a lot more 
> attention on a newspaper ad. 


NeoVid: [Keiko's father] So you can get implants for that...

> "Where thieves, thugs and murders lurk 
> around every corner, waiting to strike 
> at an innocent such as myself." 

Mr. Knht: I hate when I attacked by a murder.

> 
> "Be back by eleven then." 

zero: [Keiko] Then I'm gonna get abducted by nymphomaniac lesbians in sailor 
              scout suits when I cross the border.
R. Jak: [father] Send us a postcard, dear.

> Keiko gritted her teeth in anger, 
> ancient magics began to curl around her 
> hands in tendrils of power, and she 
> instinctively mumbled the spell of 
> hideous agony...

All: NOOO! IT'S THE MSTING SPELL!

> she'd get them to pay 
> attention. The energy reached a boiling 
> point of sorts and she

zero: ...exploded.
NeoVid: Sad, really.

> started on the 
> last six words of the ancient spell. 
> 
> "Jonea...

Mr. Knht: The wife of Indinia Jones.

> Kazes... Latai... Magi... Necromi... 
> Obliv-" 
> 
> Ding 

Mr. Khnt: It's the door. I open it.
(Mr. Knht tries to open, but gets a blast of BLOT 4)
Mr. Knht: Who did it?
Kate: (over mike) That would be my evil twin.  If it'd been me, I'd have 
                  used wind magic.
Mr. Knht: Why that?
Kate: To cool off in drinks in the summer time. 
zero: What's BLOT?
NeoVid: Don't ask.
Mr. Knht: Lighting Attacks. Nuff' said.
zero: Yeah, but you said "blot."
R. Jak: All of you shut up! I'm trying to watch this.
(silence)
NeoVid: Why?

> "Oh good, my burrito's done." Said 
> Keiko's father, getting up to go to the 
> microwave. 

zero: ...so her father's name is Said?
R. Jak: Kind of hung up on that riff, aren't you?

> Keiko uttered a curse that'd make 
> demons blush;

R Jak: Spam!
zero: Isn't that Six-Six-Six?
Mr. Knht: You can used to explain this story, if change the "x" to a "ck".
(All nod.)
NeoVid: I thought it would be 'foggraw!'
Mr Knht: ...you say in fifth dimision, you were so in trouble...

> the infernal machine had 
> broken her concentration. 
> 
> "Keiko, don't say things like that, 
> people'll complain." 

Mr. Knht: Why they do hear that, but not anything esle?

> Keiko stormed out of the room. If they 
> were really worried about when she got 
> home, she'd just leave her Naga plushie 

NeoVid: And it was lifesize for some reason...
R. Jak: Is that the snake thing or the mech?

> seated at the desk in her room and hope 
> they didn't notice. 

zero: [mom] Hey! She's sitting at the desk again!

> No, on second thoughts, hope would be 
> too much effort when it was a practical 
> certainty. 
> 
> 
> ***
> 
> 

R. Jak: I'm hungry. 

> 
> 
> 
> 
> Matsuro had been meaning to talk to his 
> mother about travelling the world, not 
> that he really needed her permission, 

NeoVid: It's just because the old bat kept him locked in the room all night.

> but he just wanted to make sure that 
> she

R. Jak: ...Would just stay dead this time!

> wouldn't annoy him if he was doing 
> something important. 
> 
> He hadn't had any visions on the way 
> home,

NeoVid: Which was why he walked right into traffic and off a bridge.

> even as he entered the apartment 
> complex his mother completely failed to 
> suddenly appear and tell him about 
> chicks and eggs. 

Mr. Knht: Is ancient Japanese form of "birds and bees". 
Zerosum: More like ill birds and bee, if you ask me. 

> He looked around the 
> foyer. No singing oxen or weird pixies, 
> he would have been grateful, but now 
> was not the time for

NeoVid: ...A gratuitous sex scene.
R. Jak: This does sound like a lemon build-up. 
Mr. Knht: NO LEMONS! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GDD, NO LEMONS!!!!
(zero gets a hopeful expression and stares intently at the screen.)

> absence. He sighed 
> and pressed the lift call button. 

Mr. Knht: [Oni-Demon] You ring?
zero: When that didn't work, he lifted the call press.

> The lift doors opened, thick red blood 
> flooded out, engulfing Matsuro in the 
> warm liquid. 

Mr. Knht: Nice trick. Got to tell to Mr. Mxyztplk when I see him again. 
R. Jak: Thinker, do me a favor and don't.
Mr. Knht: I NOT THINKER, J. RAK!
R. Jak: So you're Stephen Ratliff then?
Mr. Knht: Yes, that...No! LIE!

> [Ah good] thought Matsuro as he stepped 
> in. The elevator started moving of it's 
> own accord, stopping at floor 13 to let 
> in his mother, who was dragging a 
> crucifix.

NeoVid: When will Joey Abs ever land that powerbomb?

> Matsuro nodded at her as he 
> pressed the button for floor 19. His 
> mother began to speak, while crying 
> tears of blue blood. 

Mr. Knht: What on Earth? I thought demons all had red blood.
R. Jak: She's royalty. 

> "Matsuro... you must go to California." 
> 
> "Hi mother, I know, I must find and we- 
> what?" 

All: She said, "Matsuro... you must go to California!"

> "Well obviously you must, that's where 
> your first concert is isn't it?" 
> 
> Matsuro would have facefaulted, but he 
> was too cool

NeoVid: Oh yeah? Then where's Rikishi?

> to do so. 

zero: [GM] All right, save vs. facefaulting; don't forget your +3 for being a 
           bishonen.

> "Uh... What happened to going to Tokyo?" 
> 
> "Well, travelling the world is

R Jak: ...going to give this an excuse to turn into a long, boring series.
zero: Hey, it has to live up to the original -somehow-.

> a big 
> event in your life, as it were, another 
> turning point." 
> 
> [A fork stuck in the road.] thought 
> Matsuro, a thought he dismissed as his 
> mother continued. 
> 
> "Time's taken you by the wrist, it's 
> directing you where to go." 

R. Jak: Okay, now it's Pink Floyd now?
Mr. Knht: Time is making us riffing is stupid piece of heckva of fan-fiction for 
          a IMPROFIC!!!!

> [Oh no... This better not be another part 
> of my destiny.] 
> 
> "So, Matsuro, just make the best of 
> this test." 
> 
> "Why?" 

NeoVid: [mom] Because I want to see how long you'll go along with all this crap 
              I'm putting you through. It's fun.

> 
> "You shouldn't ask that, it's not a 
> question, but a lesson learnt in time." 
> 
> 
> Matsuro sighed. [Why must destiny be so 
> unpredictable?] 

zero: Because destiny is...
R. Jak: Don't bother. It was a rhetorical question.

> "In the end, you'll see it's right. 
> Anyway... I hope you have a nice time." 

(zero falls off of his chair laughing hysterically.)
NeoVid: And the award for best use of Green Day in a MiSTable fic...

> His mother faded as the lift door 
> opened. Matsuro stepped out and walked 
> down the corridor to apartment 
> ninety-nine. At least his mother had 

R Jak: ...had a lot of insurance. He was glad he had pushed her out that window.

> gone. [Good riddance] he thought as he 
> opened the door to his tiny apartment 
> and stepped into the Vallhallic hall. 

zero: Ooh... Vallhallic...
R. Jak: Quiet, Goth boy.

> "What ho!" shouted Balin from the 
> table, where he was getting drunk with 
> Dalin. 
> 
> "Hi Balin. I'll be leaving the country 
> for a couple of weeks." Dalin lifted 
> his head from the table. 
> 
> "Really?

NeoVid: [Balin] Only a couple of weeks? Damn. I'm already sick of you.

> Then you won't need the 
> apartment for a while will you?" 
> 
> "No... why do you ask?" Asked Matsuro 
> suspiciously. 
> 
> "Well we were counting on having a big 
> p-" began Dalin before Balin clamped 
> his hand over the dwarf's mouth. 

NeoVid: A big... ewwwww!

> "Shh! You'll blow it... He said uh... we 
> wanted a big p... p... piece of that 
> chocolate cake that's in the fridge." 
> Balin smiled widely as Matsuro's 
> expression darkened. 

NeoVid: [Matsuro] Damn... they shut my lights off again.
R. Jak: [Bill Cosby] CHOCOLATE CAKE! FOR BREAKFAST!

> "You were going to say party weren't 
> you?" Balin sighed. 
> 
> "Well yes... but it was only going to be 
> a small one..." 
> 
> "Didn't Dalin say big?" Dalin smiled. 

R. Jak: [Dalin] Yes, Dalin did. Dalin is throwing a huge party. Dalin is going 
                to invite Zen, and Zathras, and...
(Mr. Khnt covers R. Jak's mouth)
Mr. Knht: Don't contiue or <Mr. Furious> I go Mewtwo on your butt! </Mr. 
          Furious>
NeoVid: Never say "Mewtwo" and "butt" in the same sentence again, Thinker. I'm 
        having flashbacks of Pokeporn.

> "Yeah! And I've got this really cool 
> lass coming."

NeoVid (Dalin): And it only took me seven minutes this time! I'm good...

> Dalin brought a 
> photograph out of his wallet and 
> offered it to Matsuro. 
> 
> "Good looking eh? She's got beautiful 
> hair hasn't she?" Matsuro took a look 
> at the treasured Polaroid. 

NeoVid: Of course, he was holding the wrong side up, so he only saw a big white 
        space.

> "Er, yes..." agreed Matsuro handing the 
> picture back. 
>
> "Best groomed beard in all of 
> Scandinavia." Sighed Dalin. Balin 
> looked imploringly at Matsuro. 

zero: Ha ha! Bearded ladies are funny!

> "Oh go on... Tell you what. We'll install 
> a swimming pool in this place for you 
> if we can have the party here." Matsuro 
> looked

NeoVid: ...Like a little skinny bastard who can't do anything that entertains 
        readers.

> sceptically at him. 
> 
> "How are you going to fit a swimming 
> pool in here?" 
> 
> "This hall used to be a sixteen metre 
> square apartment, and you ask me how 
> we're going to fit a swimming pool in 
> here? 

All: Very carefully.

> Leave it up to us and we'll have 
> the place fixed up in time for the 
> water volley ball match on the third 
> day of the party." 
> 
> Matsuro caught himself trying to 

NeoVid: ...Get his shorts off- OW!
R. Jak: (looks at his bat) Damn. I splintered it.

> imagine a dwarvern game of water 
> volleyball and stopped himself. On one 
> hand, he would have loads of dwarves 
> having a party in his home... on the 
> other, he'd get a swimming pool... On a 
> much more significant hand, 

zero: He'd have the largest concentration of dwarves on the eastern seaboard.
Mr. Knht: That scary thought.

> if he 
> didn't give his permission, the dwarves 
> would probably just have one anyway. 

NeoVid: (inscrutably) Ah, yes. The ancient secrets of the Significant Third 
                      Hand.

> "I guess it would be ok..." Balin's small 
> body only made the grin look bigger. 

Mr. Knht: Now that lines look thinkese to me, doesn't it?
(All nod.)

> "Great!" Balin dashed over to phone, 
> and dialled a sixteen-figure number, 
> presumably to another country. 
> 
> "Hello?  Bjorn? 

zero: [Balin] Bite me! Ha ha ha! <click>

> Yeah, turns out the 
> party's on after all, bring literally 
> everyone... Yeah, your right, we really 
> shouldn't invite that twit Rolf... 
> Uh-huh, that reminds me, bring over 
> your tools, were building a swimming 
> pool...

zero: They were? When?

> For the water volley ball match 
> of course... Ok, and could you see about 
> bringing some plastic sheeting as 
> well?

NeoVid: What do you mean I have to go out and catch it?

> Because the apartment's not mine 
> and the owner won't take to kindly to 
> having blood on the carpet, or the 
> walls, or the ceiling for that matter... 

R. Jak: [Balin] On his bed is OK, though...

> Ok, and remember, it's a Bring Yer Own 
> Barrel situation... See ye on Saturday 
> then." As Balin put down the phone, 
> Matsuro fixed him with a threatening 
> stare. 

Mr. Knht: He also take time to check Balin brake fluid and tire pressure.

> "Where were you calling to?" He asked, 
> his eyes alight with anger. 

Zerosum: England?
Mr. Knht: No, Scandinava.

> "Scandinavia, why? 

Zerosum: Thinker! You looked ahead!
Mr. Knht: I DID NOT! AND I'M NOT THINKER!

> "You're paying for the call." 
> 
> And for the first time since he had met 
> Keiko, Balin experienced a moment of 
> extreme terror. 

Mr. Knht: Don't even a gold coin with me. 
NeoVid: [Matsuro as Cardinal Fang] Get... the Comfy Chair!
R. Jak: How did you do that?
NeoVid: [R. Jak] Do what?
R. Jak: (angrily) Never do that again.
> 
> 
> ***
> 
> 
> 
R. Jak; ARGH! NOT MORE SPACES!!!!!!!!!!!
NeoVid: Whoaaaaaa... I'm, like, spacing out...
> 
> 
> 

> The Nakao parents were known to have a 

NeoVid: ...REALLY major drug problem.

> mildly unco-operative attitude to 
> having any of their children going off 
> on holidays across the world, so 
> Becky's school trip idea would 
> inevitably fail.

Mr. Knht: So does this story. 
zero: Look, its obviously not going to fail, given that we started the story 
      with them in America. CONTINUITY!

> Fortunately the three 
> sisters were intelligent enough to

R Jak: ...only stare into the sun for an hour at a time.

> plan 
> a method to gain the agreement of their 
> parents. 

NeoVid: It was a plan reminiscent of the Menendez brothers.

> Mr & Mrs Nakao were watching the eight 
> o'clock news in the living room when 
> Hanaki walked in and turned off the 
> television. 

R. Jak: That didn't work, since the parents then ate her. 

> Standing in front of the 
> screen, she faced her adoptive parents 
> and began to speak. 
> 
> "Mother, Father. Me and my sisters have 
> been asked to go on a world tour for 
> the next two weeks to

zero: [Hanaki] ...Get AWAY from you for once!
(The others jump into the seats about 4 rows away from zero.)

> further promote 
> our band, and we felt we should tell 
> you about it." 
> 
> Mrs Nakao was about to scream out a 
> sentence to the effect of "YOU'RE 
> WHAT?!!!" 

NeoVid: [Mrs. Nakao] You're WHAT? You're LESBIAN?
(Mr. Knht uses his Game Boy to call on a Charizard to give a new meaning to 
"very well done.")
NeoVid: OW!
R. Jak: Hello, W4's twin brother.
NeoVid: That wasn't funny!

> before Hanaki started 
> speaking again. 
> 
> "Before you forbid us to leave, I 
> merely ask you to listen calmly to this 
> argument formulated by Ayame." 
> 

All: Listen to Ayame? NOOOO!

> Ayame and Tejina entered from opposite 
> sides of the room, assuming positions 
> on either side of Hanaki, 

zero: Ah...the interpretive dance argument.
(The others stare at zerosum.)

> who then 
> walked around to the back of the couch, 
> behind the Nakaos. Tejina began to 
> speak in a dramatic tone. 
> 
> "To save humanity from elimination!" 

Mr. Knht: WHAT ON EARTH? PLEASE Don't pardoyized Team Rocket! 
Rest: Too late.

> 
> "To visit at least one other nation!" 
> Said Ayame, before Tej said. 
> 
> "To sing our songs of love!" 
> 
> "To get them into the charts above!" 

NeoVid: So basically, if they don't go, they'll run off and join a Pokemon cult?
Mr. Knht: But her mother siad, "You standing right in Japan."

> "Tejina!" 
> 
> "Ayame!" 

zero: Kosher salami!
NeoVid: Ralph!
Mr. Knht: Who's Ralph?

> "The Do-gooder must leave Japan on our 
> mission of delight!" 
> 
> "So let us go..." 
> 
> "You know it's right!" 

R. Jak: If Meowth shows up, I'm gonna kick his furry ass.

> The Nakaos sat in stunned silence 
> before Hanaki leaned over the shoulders 
> of her legal guardians to speak 
> directly into their ears. 

NeoVid: [Hanaki] Join us...join US!
R Jak: [mom] Hanaki... what are you doing with that scalpel?

> "Now either you let us leave the 
> country for two weeks, or Ayame will 
> use her more persuasive argument, which 
> lasts a full three hours and forty 
> seven minutes." 

NeoVid: Which she would launch into monologues about the va...
(R. Jak snatches the Game Boy Color from Mr. Knht and summons a Farfetch'd who 
beats NeoVid senseless.)
Mr. Knht: Hey! Ask next time! 
R. Jak: Sorry.

> Needless to say, resistance was 
> minimal. 

Mr. Knht: Isn't me or just that line is too "Star Trek" like for our tastebuds?
(The rest raise their hands.)

> 
> 
> ***
> 
Mr. Knht: I give this fic -3 stars. 
> 
> 
> 
> 

zero: ........
NeoVid:......?
Mr. Knht: .......!

> 
> 
> By 1 PM, Saturday, the Do-gooders (and 
> Aki and Keiko)

NeoVid: And Beavis, and Butthead...

> were on an aeroplane, 
> heading at Mach 0.75 towards San 
> Francisco. 

zero: They were going the same speed when they rammed into the Golden Gate 
      Bridge.

> Villyn's minions had already 
> left for Los Angeles (after a six hour 
> delay as Security searched the Camper's 
> pack for whatever kept setting off the 
> metal detector, which eventually turned 
> out to be a frying pan.)

Mr. Knht: [Security Officer] We got to fix this stupid gate again! 
R. Jak: [Security Officer] You can have your plastique and missiles back now, 
sir.

> and the going looked good. Keiko leaned to take 
> a look out the window as the city passed 
> under them. 
> 
> "Hey Matsuro! I can see you

NeoVid [Matsuro]: Well, duh. You're right next to me.

> apartment 
> from up here!" 
> 
> "How can you tell it's mine?" 
> 
> "What other apartment complex has a 
> vallhallic hall sticking out the 
> nineteenth floor?" 

R. Jak: Aw, you'd find plenty in LA.

> Matsuro scrambled across Keiko's lap to 
> look out the window. He couldn't see 
> his building anymore. 
> 
> "Aw... you just missed it." Keiko 
> grinned as Matsuro realised he was 
> sitting on her lap.

NeoVid: Then he realized he was- OW! Hey! You didn't even know what I was gonna 
        say!
R. Jak: Sure I didn't.

> She concentrated 
> and one of her image enhancing spells 
> increased in power. She looked into his 
> eyes and, in the orchestra of his mind, 

NeoVid: Lead by Professor Peter Schikele.

> Matsuro's string section began that 
> neat little bit of music that always 
> plays at moments of romantic 
> realisation. 

zero: You mean "Margaritaville"?
Mr. Knht: Or "Herseryville."

> He leaned over to kiss her 
> on the lips... 

NeoVid: (raises an eyebrow) OW! (looks at R. Jak)
R. Jak: I could hear you thinking it.

>
> "Excuse me, but the "Seatbelt" light is 
> still on, please return to your seat." 
> Said the stewardess. Keiko pointed a 
> finger at her, setting her hair alight. 

NeoVid: [Keiko] Now, want to see what I can do with two fingers?

> The stewardess dashed off into the 
> cockpit, possibly in search of an 
> extinguisher for her hair. 

(Mr. Knht starts laughing out loud.)
R. Jak: I don't see what's funny about hair catching on fire. 

> "Now..." said Keiko "Where were we?" 
> Matsuro's string section began again... 
> 
> But in the cockpit, the stewardess had 
> put out her hair and had made a deal 
> with the pilot. 

NeoVid [stewardess]: I'll give you some honey roasted peanuts if you fly us to 
                     Cuba.
zero [pilot]: Daaah...okay.

> She watched the 
> bishounen and leather clad lovers, 
> waiting for the right moment to strike. 

zero: ...so, he's wearing a bishounen?

> 
> "Wait for it... wait for it... NOW!" 
> 
> The plane lurched violently;

Mr Khnt: The Plane is airsicked!

> Matsuro 
> lurched from Keiko's lap and flew 
> across the aisle, knocked his head on 
> the overhead luggage compartment and 
> fell, unconscious, into Kireiko's lap. 
> The intercom buzzed. 

R. Jak: Here it comes...
NeoVid: That's what Matsuro would be saying if he was awa- OW!

> "We apologise for that, we seem to be 
> experiencing some turbulence, 

(Everyone groans.)

> if the 
> gentleman in the school uniform would 
> care to return to his seat, we may 
> continue with a little less..." 

zero: ...smarminess.
R. Jak: ...fanservice.
Mr. Knht: ...whitspase.
NeoVid: ...poorly written dialogue.

> 
> Kireiko lifted up the unconscious body 
> of the prone drummer and dropped it 
> down into his seat. Keiko sighed as she 
> buckled Matsuro up. [He's cute when 
> he's unconscious.] She thought. 

NeoVid: No one's ever said that about me.
zero: How can you be sure?
NeoVid: Um... gee...

> Keiko called over one of the friendlier 
> stewards and ordered a cup of coffee. 
> 

R. Jak [stewardess]: No, you CAN'T have a cup of coffee! What you think this is, 
                     Swiss Air?

> 
> ***
> 
> 

zero: Our heroes must be watching the in-flight movie.
NeoVid: Yeah.
Mr Khnt: Who our heros? I'd never seen.

> 
> 
> 
> 
> About two hours later, the plane landed 
> and the jet lagged band members stepped 
> off the plane and onto the tarmac of 
> one of San Francisco's many airports. 

Mr Knht: Many?
R. Jak: I thought there was only one.

> As the Do-Gooders (and associates) 
> stepped off the plane 

NeoVid: They fell twenty feet to the ground cause some idiot forgot to get the 
ladder.

> one of the 
> Do-Gooders noticed one of the 
> associates grinning even more evilly 
> than she normally did. 
> 
> "Keiko..." 

NeoVid: ...What are you on, and can you spare some?

> Began Hanaki. "If I ask you 
> why you're grinning evilly will I be 
> forced to stop you on moral grounds." 
> Keiko's grin went up the evil scale a 
> little bit more. 
> 
> "Well let's just say... I gave that 
> impolite stewardess 

NeoVid [Keiko]: Something medical science will never save her from!

> a bit of a curse!" 

R. Jak: She cussed her out. Oooooooh.

> "Oh no... It won't kill her will it?" Han 
> covered her ears as Keiko began her 
> laugh. 
> 
> "OOOH-HOHOHOHO!!!!! No, but

R Jak: ...The laugh will.

> the irate 
> bitch shall learn not to injure the 
> boyfriend of KEIKO! THE... THE... ER...

Mr Khnt: So she now is a part of a hodspital?

> THE 
> SORCERESS!" Han sweatdropped as the 
> group picked up their luggage. 
> 

Mr. Knht: [Keiko] I WILL GET YOU AND YOUR BAND, TOO!!!! THAT IS THE LAST STRAW! 
                  BW-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!
NeoVid: So swears the White...uh, sorry. Wrong reality again.

> 
> ***
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 

zero: <deadpan> The pause that refreshes.

> The theft of the stewardess' car engine 
> later that day, and the subsequent rain 
> shower that dogged her return home had 
> more to do with poetic justice then 
> Keiko's curse. However, Keiko's magic 
> did cause the stewardess's winning 
> lottery ticket to spontaneously 
> combust, right before her eyes

R Jak: ...Fell out of her head and were run over.

> as she 
> watched the draw that Saturday. This 
> only goes to show that you shouldn't 
> mess with the affairs of sorceresses, 
> for they are subtle and will burn your 
> lottery tickets. 

R. Jak: That is the reason I don't play the lottery.
Mr. Knht: What on earth? This guy must be a fan of run on-sectences? Or what?
zero: This must be some strange usage of the word 'subtle' that I wasn't 
previously aware of.

> 
> 
> ***
> 
> 
> 

R. Jak: Not again!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE NO MORE SPACES!!!!!!!!!!!!
NeoVid: Jak, your exclamation marks...
R. Jak: Oops. Heh heh. ^_^

> 
> 
> 
> 
> One thing the band unanimously agreed 
> on was 

zero: Fluffy bunnies.

> the fact that without a funky 
> road rippin' babe magnet style set of 
> wheels, they weren't going anywhere. 

NeoVid: But they then thought that a car would be more sensible.

> Well, the funky road rippin' babe 
> magnet style part wasn't unanimous

NeoVid: Darn.

> but 
> the bit about the set of wheels was. So 
> this was why the Do-Gooders were 
> assembled in Honest Jack's Second hand 
> automobile emporium. 

Mr. Knht: Hey! It R. Jak brother.
R. Jak: That's... not... funny...
NeoVid: You're Controversial Jack's brother?

> Jack grinned in glee, any day now the 
> liquidators would be arriving and he 
> really needed some money to take so he 
> could run with it. He stepped up to the 
> blue haired girl that seemed to be 
> leading the group. 

zero: The chains connecting the rest of them together must have given it away.

> 
> "Good morning young lady, how can I 
> supply your transit needs?" To which 
> Tejina replied: 
> 
> "[What did you say? Do you speak 
> Japanese?]" Jack stared blankly at her.

NeoVid: *blink* I just tried to remember why I liked this fic before... it's not 
                coming back.

> 
> 
> "Do any of you kids speak English?" 
> Becky nodded. 
> 
> "Yes, but we'd prefer it if we dealt 
> with someone who spoke Japanese." 

zero: [Jack] Okay, uh...[This better?]
NeoVid: [Becky] [Yes, that's... why are we speaking in brackets all the sudden?]
Mr. Khnt: [Orochi]: You [fool] are [ripping] off. Ill give you a [hurt].

> Ayame pushed her way to the front of 
> the group and posed dramatically. 
> 
> "Ah! Truly we are in a state that 
> requires my skill with words! Fear not 
> fellow Do-Gooders, for I shall aid you 
> with my abilities!" Tejina sighed. 
> 
> "Does anyone else have a feeling of 
> impending doom?" 

(All raise their hands.)

> "My fellow friends, I shall improve our 
> situation by breaking down the walls of 
> incomprehension and cultural 
> differences by bestowing upon you all 
> the gift of mild

NeoVid: ...Brain damage. It really IS a gift right now.

> telepathic linguistic 
> communication, to aid our acquirement 
> of vehicular

zero: Homicide?

> transportation

zero: Aww.

> or the 
> odyssey that awaits us, in this great 
> world of ours!" 

R. Jak: So they're gonna sell her then?

> A strange feeling tingled through the 
> brains of all the Do-Gooders and 
> associates. Aki turned to Hanaki. 

NeoVid: [Aki] Hey, my brain finally started working!

> 
> "How does your moth- er sis- er... Ayame 
> cope with such long sentences?" Hanaki 
> shrugged. 
> 
> "Circular breathing?" Jack looked back 
> at Tejina, having been distracted by 
> the display of vocal talent. 

Mr. Knht: OrlackoftalkinglikeriffersonMysteryScienceTheather30000.
R. Jak: Thatwasamouthfull.
Mr. Knht: Noduh,Sherlock.
R. Jak: Wellicankeepitupaslongasyou!
Mr. Knht: Ohnoyoucant.
R. Jak: Ohyesican!
Mr. Knht: Ohnoyoucant.
R. Jak: Ohyesican!
Mr. Knht: Ohnoyoucant.
R. Jak: Ohyesican!
Mr. Knht: Ohnoyouca...
zero: STOP IT! STOP IT! My brain hurts!
Mr. Knht: OkwestopitoneRJakmarriesKate.
R. Jak: Hey!Getalife,Thinker.
Mr. Knht: Justjoking.AndI'mnotthinking.
(zero takes Mr. Knht's game boy and calls on Venusaurs to whip R. Jak and Mr.
 Knht back to saneville.)
NeoVid: 'Bouttimetheystoppedthat.

> "Er, I don't suppose you understand 
> me?" 
> 
> "Well yes. We ne-" Tejina stopped, she 
> had actually understood that last 
> question, even though she had heard it 
> as

zero: ...A proposition.

> English. She looked at Ayame, who 
> winked at her and smiled, a twinkle of 
> light glinting on her teeth. 
> 
> "So, you can understand me now?" 
> 
> "Yes, shall I show you

NeoVid: [Jack] ...My- OW!

> around?" 
> 
> Everyone looked at each other, made a 
> collective shrug and followed Jack into 
> the showroom. 
> 
> There was a basic selection of about a 
> dozen cars before they came to the 
> second last one, which was where 
> Kireiko fell in love. 

zero: With a gas can.
Mr. Knht: Give new meaning to giving spark. 
(The others groan.)

> "My god!" He gasped. "It's perfect!" 
> 
> The car was a red '68 Chevrolet, the 
> paintwork glinted like it was only 
> yesterday that

zero: ...the special effect guy got a 'glint' command.

> it rolled off the 
> production line. Kireiko caressed the 
> bodywork, grinning like an idiot. 

Mr. Knht: Huh? What about that van from opening?
NeoVid: They'll end up buying it when they realize that there's no way to fit 
        eight people in a '68 Chevy.
R. Jak: How exactly are a bunch of foreign high school kids going to buy a car, 
        anyway?
zero: Mastery of the Plot Contrivance Field.

> "She's beautiful..." he sighed, stepping 
> back. Becky facefaulted. 
> 
> "You're talking as though it was a girl 
> Kireiko. You're nuts!" Hanaki looked 
> over at the car. 

NeoVid: It took you that long to figure THAT out?

> "Actually, I think car's a feminine 
> noun... like "la automobile" in French..." 

Mr. Knht: That what they call "Whopper" in France.

> Aki stared at the Chevvy, noticing 
> something amiss. 

R. Jak: Namely, the engine.
NeoVid: [Kireiko] Why does it have those sticks marked 'TNT' on it?

> "Well, Mister Jack, could you explain 
> why her tape deck has suddenly begun 
> playing old rock music for no good 
> reason?" 

Mr. Knht: It likes the Micheal Jackslon

> "It's a feature. Er... you've set the 
> preliminary alarm off. If you actually 
> try to drive off with it then it'll 
> start playing Hanson." 

zero: That's so 1997 it's not even funny.

> Everyone 
> shuddered at the thought, except 
> Kireiko, who was too busy

R Jak: ...Cutting his ears off, just in case.

> running his 
> fingers over the personalised licence 
> plate at the back. 
> 
> "Caroline... Such a beautiful name for 
> this glorious machine."

Mr Khnt: Glorus Machine... makes automatic Salyers episodes!

> Hanaki 
> facefaulted, for a soon to be explained 
> reason. 

R. Jak: [author] It's because I LIKE facefaulting! I don't know what it is, but 
                 it's fun to say, innit?
zero: Facefault. Facefault facefault facefault. (turns to Jak) Yep, right up 
      there with Gompers.
NeoVid: Gompers! You put down that UPS man this INSTANT!

> "Jack, why did the engine rev when 
> Kireiko stroked the bumper just then?" 

NeoVid: It likes him?

> "Er... It's like a... It's sort of like an 
> auto start for the car." 
> 
> "You're lying aren't you? This car's 
> possessed or something isn't it?" 
> 
> Jack sighed. 

zero: [Jack] Yes. You've seen through my clever plan. I'm actually the author, 
             and this is how I'm trying to introduce the plot. Play along, will 
             you?

> 
> "Well yes, but look!

R. Jak: [Jack] It'll kill anyone who tries to steal it! You don't need an alarm!

> If you scratch the 
> paintwork like this..." Said Jack, 
> demonstrating with his car keys on the 
> unmarked chrome. "And look! It heals 
> up! Just like- GLURK!" 

Mr Khnt: How fast do GLURK heal?

> "You bastard!" Shouted Kireiko, jumping 
> up and down on Jack's ribs.

NeoVid: [Jack] Damn! I was looking forward to having barbecue today...

> "How dare 
> you harm such a fragile creature." 
> Tejina pulled the enraged half-oni off 
> the bruised car dealer. 

zero: You mean that video game chick of that game that's never gonna come out?
NeoVid: Different Oni.

> "Stop doing that! It'll really cripple 
> our world tour if our guitarist is 
> arrested before our first concert." 

Mr. Knht: It not bother Pumkin Smash.
(blank stares)
zero: OH! Smashing Pumpkins!
R. Jak: What, NOW? 
NeoVid: Hmmm... smashing pumpkins on the keyboard... maybe that's how this was 
written.

> Keiko prodded the injured tradesman 
> with her foot. 

Mr. Knht: But she missed.

> "Er, are you ok?" Jack pulled himself 
> up, despite his injuries, as you can 
> recover from virtually anything short 
> of total evisceration when you're a 
> named manga character... with the 
> possible exception of dark generals. 

R. Jak: [author] That cracking sound you hear in the background is NOT the 
                 fourth wall crumbling. Honest!

> "Uh... Sure... Now my good man, are you 
> interested in buying this fine 
> machine?" Hanaki ran her hand over the 
> bonnet, 

NeoVid: That's a silly thing to put on a car.
zero: (pained expression) It's another Britishism. A particularly stupid 
                          sounding one.
R. Jak: 'Ello, luv. Just goin' down to the pub fer some fish and chips.
Mr. Knht: Throw another shrimp the barbie.
NeoVid: That's Australian.
Mr. Knht: Sorry.

> a mildly suspicious expression 
> on her face. 
> 
> "If this machine is so fine... The why 
> did anyone sell it?" Jack shrugged. 

zero: Ever see "The Love Bug"?
R. Jak: Yeah. That Herbie was a pain in the tushie to mantain.

> "I dunno, I just found it

NeoVid: [Jack] ...Inside a Crackerjack box.

> at a scrap 
> yard a few years ago. So anyway, are 
> you going to buy it?" 

All: No! They're not!

> 
> "Yes." 

Mr. Knht: No! We have arleady saw the car they got!

> Answered Kireiko, looking up and 
> looking very serious. 
> 
> "Then it'll be two thousand dollars, 
> thank you very much." Tejina sighed. 
> 
> "I'm sorry Kireiko, we only have one 
> thousand." Kireiko sighed. 

zero: [Kireiko] Right. We'll just have to sell one of the girls into slavery.

> "Ah well, I suppose it was too good to 
> be true..." He leaned down and kissed the 
> red chrome.

NeoVid: Looks like Kireiko has the same fixation as Leona Ozake.

> "I shall make it my aim in 
> life, to one day return and reclaim 
> this car, this is my promise and I 
> shall fulfil it before I die." 
> 
> Everyone sweatdropped. 

NeoVid: Thus causing a major flood in the San Francisco area.

> "He's really hung up on that car isn't 
> he?" Rhetoricalised Aki, she then 

zero: (apoplectic) Rhetoricalised?! What the- OW!
R. Jak: Look, man, you're starting to get out of control.
zero: (quiet) ...no more bat, please...

> looked at Ayame "Is this a side affect 
> of your abilities?" 
> 
> "Most definitely not my dear friend Aki 
> Villyn!" Answered Ayame, using nineteen 
> times more letters

zero: ...than we could hear and stay sane.

> then was strictly 
> necessary for a standard negative 
> response, though the situation is 
> probably different in Japanese, but the 
> situation being as it was, that is, 

R. Jak: Yes, yes, just get on with the story.

> Ayame, Tejina, Hanaki, Matsuro, 
> Kireiko, Becky, Aki and Keiko are all 
> talking in such a way 

NeoVid: Uh... yes. Now will you...

> that Fanfic 
> readers can understand them and so are 
> speaking in the almost universally 

Mr. Knht: This lead to some point?
zero: I dunno.

> recognised universal language of 
> English and this would be correct if 
> this is ever dubbed or subtitled, that 
> is, if this ever becomes an anime, 

All: GET ON WITH IT, DAMMIT!

> which is not impossible considering the 
> amazingly large variety of animation 
> programs available... 

Mr. Knht: On Cartoon Network.

> Uh, anyway, the next vehicle available 
> was a large green van, with colourful 
> flowers pained on the side. 

NeoVid: The Mystery Machine's evil twin.

> Tejina 
> opened the back of the van. 
> 
> "Hmm... quite spacious... though I don't 
> like the flowers on the side." 
> 
> "Never mind, we can just tie a banner 
> on the side or something."

NeoVid: How 'bout a bonnet?

> Reasoned 
> Hanaki. Kireiko shook his head. 
> 
> "Nah, you can't polish a turd like 
> this." 

Mr. Knht: What wrong with polishing...
NeoVid: THANK you, Thinker.
Mr. Knht: Thanks. (pause) I not Thinker.
R. Jak: Shut up, Thinker.

> Tejina tuned to Jack. 
> 
> "Where did you get this then?" 
> 
> "Oh I bought it off some passing 
> weirdo, I think he said his name was... 
> scruffy or something, 

zero: [Jack] He paid in Scooby Snacks, so I killed him.

> I cant really 
> remember... Anyway it's a mere five 
> hundred dollars for this reliable old 
> thingy and I'll throw in a free gallon 
> of gas." Keiko leaned out the front 
> window of the ageing vehicle. 

NeoVid: [van] Oy... carrying around a rock band? This ain't no job for a vehicle 
              my age...

> "We'll give you one hundred." Had Jack 
> been drinking something when Keiko said 
> that he would have sat it out

Mr Khnt: I like to sit this story out, and also.

> in 
> surprise, he wasn't so he resorted to 
> having a facefault that could level a 
> small town. 
> 
> "WHAT?!!!!! At five hundred I'm 
> practically slashing my own wrists as 
> it is!" 

zero: Okay. Slash his wrists. A gratuitous death scene would cheer me up to no 
      end.

> Keiko grinned. 
>
> "Ayame, bargain with the man." 

R. Jak: [Ayame] Ha ha! It's lunch time...FOR MY FIST!
Mr. Knht: [Ayame] Bake me bread, Baker MAN!

> From that day forth, Jack had a strange 
> and unshakeable fear of the voice of 
> anyone with green hair. Fortunately as 
> the green hair gene is not a common one 
> this did not bother him too much. 

R. Jak: Yes, no one in Los Angeles would dare -dye- their -hair-.

> 
> 
> ***
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 

NeoVid: Hey, it's being narrated by Silent Bob!

> 
> 
> The scene shimmered again and refocused 
> on the fuku'd verbosifyer. 

R. Jak: Mmmmm...fuku...
(zero focuses on the fuku, then refocuses on the -wearer- of the fuku)

> "And so here we are, on the road to Los 
> Angeles, lost and alone in California." 

NeoVid: [Ayame] Where we'll be killed by Pod people. The end.

> Ayame looked up from whoever she was 
> looking at. By now, the Do-Gooders had 
> succeeded in opening the back of the 
> van and had all left to stand aside the 
> road in search of assistance. 

zero: They found only an armadillo.
NeoVid: Somehow, they managed not to notice the Unaccountably Large, Flying 
        Humanoid Aardvark of Doom.
zero: (looks at Neo) What the hell are you talking about?
R. Jak: A flying aardvark.
zero: ...I guessed that part.
NeoVid: He's one of the more... unique... GMCAers.

> Outside, 
> the silhouettes of seven of the heroes 
> were visible against the deep purple of 
> the night. Audible above the drumming 
> of the rain and the occasional rumble 
> of thunder, was the voice of 

NeoVid: Da da da da da da DAH.

> Tejina. 

R. Jak: Wow. That was very nearly dramatic.
Mr. Knht: Too cliche visual to be dramatic.

> 
> "Han, how could you possibly confuse 

NeoVid: [Tejina] ...Peyote with marijuana? They hardly look alike!

> this map of what is obviously New 
> Mexico, with one of California?" 
> 
> "But when I bought it I was assured it 
> was a map of California." 
> 
> "Where did you buy it?" 

R. Jak: [Han] Uh...New Mexico?

> "I got it second hand off some bloke 

NeoVid: [Keiko] ...Who cursed me to sound English at random times.

> with an umbrella at the airport." This 
> left nothing much to talk about for a 
> while until Matsuro noticed something. 

zero: [Matsuro] Look! A bug!

> "It's stopped." He said. 
> 
> "What has?" Asked Kireiko. 

Mr. Knht: The plot.

> "The talking, Ayame's finally stopped 
> talking." Instead of the whoops and 
> cheers this would normally bring, there 
> was another muted pause. Aki spoke up. 

R. Jak: [Aki] Can I start talking then?
All: NO!

> "I wonder if she's snapped out of this 
> whole craziness thing." 

NeoVid: They tried curing me that way. Once.

> "Someone will have to check..." noted 
> Becky. This produced a sort of Captain 
> Oates situation. Which Keiko quickly 
> solved. 

R. Jak: With the liberal use of nuclear devices.

> "I vote Kireiko goes. All in favour?" 
> 
> "Aye!" 
> 
> "Yes!" 
> 
> "Agreed." 
> 
> "'Got my vote." 
> 
> "Naturally." 
> 
> "All opposed?" 

All: ME!

> 
> "No way!" 

NeoVid: It's turned into Survivor all the sudden. I think. I kinda wish I had 
        seen that show...
R. Jak: [Rudy] I vote Carol off. She smells funny.

> "Tough luck Oni-boy, get down there!" 
> Keiko kicked Kireiko down into the 
> ditch, where he landed on 

NeoVid: ...Ayame, solving the problem.

> his feet. He 
> creeped slowly over to the opening, 
> peering into it in the same way that an 
> action hero who has just slain a giant 
> robot checks for that it suddenly

Mr Khnt: ...Is really talk like Thinker writed it down.

> isn't 
> going to lurch back to life and 
> strangle him to death. 

R. Jak: How come we never get to watch THOSE type of stories anyway?

> "Hello fellow crusader Kireiko! Would 
> you remove my bonds so I may re-join 
> you and my fellow friends?" called 
> Ayame. Kireiko sighed, untied and then 
> re-unified

NeoVid: ...And died.

> Ayame with their friends. 
> 
> "I still blame you for this Han." 
> Blamed Keiko. 

zero: Nerf herder! 

> "Things could be worse." Said Han. 
> 
> "Worse? We're lost with nowhere to stay 
> for the night. What're we going to do?" 

R. Jak: Five bucks says it's gonna be a wild group orgy.
zero: You're on. (RJ and zero shake hands.)
NeoVid: If Jak's right, everybody wins!
Mr Khnt: NEVER LEMON! I BLINDED!

> As if fulfilling some dramatic 
> necessity, a sudden flash of lightening 
> illuminated a large, ominous mansion 
> atop a hill, conveniently within 
> walking distance. Everyone sweatdropped 
> in unison, then Tejina spoke 

NeoVid: [Keiko] Hey look! An large ominous mansion atop a hill conveniently 
                within...
R. Jak: Vid...
NeoVid: Yeah?
R. Jak: Don't.
NeoVid: Don't what?

> "Well, there's at least one answer..." 
> Keiko smiled, the house looked quite 
> gothic... offering the possibility of 
> cool architecture. 
> 
> "C'mon everyone. It's time I got outta 
> these wet leathers and into

zero and NeoVid: a- OW!
Mr. Knht: Nice follow-through.
R. Jak: Thanks. 
zero: We were just gonna say a dry martini!
R. Jak: Suuuuuuure.

> a nice warm 
> bed." 
> 
> The Do-Gooders and companions began 
> their trudge up to the mansion. 
> 
> 
> 
> ***
> 
> 

zero: Well, no orgy. Pay up.
R. Jak: Hey. It might happen in the hotel. Keep your shirt on.
zero: I'm not wearing a shirt. Just the jacket.

> 
> 
> 
> 
> Meanwhile, in an airport lounge in Los 
> Angeles... 
> 
> "Excuse me sir, but I really must ask 
> you to move your tent." 
> 
> "For the last time, I'm not getting out 
> until Aki-sama arrives or there's a 
> major

zero [Quake Camper]: ...Plot development! I'll be here forever!

> breakthrough in earthquake 
> prevention!" 
> 
> WHAT AWAITS OUR HEROES AT THE 
> GOTIC-ESQUE MANSION? WILL THEY EVER 
> REACH LOS ANGELEAS? 

R. Jak: Will they ever type Los Angeles right?

> WILL THE QUAKE 
> CAMPER EVER

NeoVid: ...BE MORE THAN A CHEAP GAG?

> LEAVE HIS TENT? WILL 
> MATSURO'S MOTHER

Mr Khnt: ...KEEP DIED ONCE?

> TURN UP? WHAT OTHER 
> EXCITING LOCATIONS SHALL THE DO-GOODERS 
> VISIT? 

Mr. Knht: What with all this facefault?
NeoVid: Who is Spain?
zero: Why is Hitler?
R. Jak: How was Trump in Munich?

> IF A TREE FALLS IN THE WOODS AND 
> NO-ONE'S AROUND, WILL ANYONE CARE? 

zero: If you like trees, yes.

> All this and more next time on The 
> Do-Gooders World Tour! 
> 
> Authors notes: 

NeoVid: [author] I'm very, VERY sorry.

> C&C desired, please? 

Mr. Knht: Stick to day job.
R. Jak: Try to be more coherent.
zero: Wear loose knits.
NeoVid: I used to like this fic.

> WAI! This was fun to write! 

NeoVid: To READ, however...

> I'll 
> probably be writing the next part, 
> though I plan on having other writers 
> from the DGML write episodes later on. 
> So stay tuned! 

(R. Jak whimpers.)

> A big "Ta mate!" to the folks on the 
> Do-Gooders mailing list who at least 
> partially inspired this and a slightly 
> bigger "Cor blimey guvner, you've been 
> a great help!"

zero: [author, screaming] I'M BRITISH!

> to the pre-reader for 
> this omake, Yasha, whose scathing 
> critique over petty little details 
> greatly improved the readability of 
> this episode. 

R. Jak: This thing had a proofreader?
NeoVid: Must have been low budget.
Mr. Knht: More like bad news to me.

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

Up in the broadcast booth of the Theater of Pain, Kate and her evil twin were 
engaging in a staring contest.

Kate glared at Evil Kate. "You're slipping, you know," she said.

Evil Kate glared back. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on. 'BLOT 4!' 'I'm invisible!' You're going into Thinker-speak. You're 
losing it."  Kate shook her head sadly. "A shame... I'll bet your genetic 
structure is going to destabilize any minute now or something."

Evil Kate looked slightly nervous for once. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know... scientists managed to create a super-strong, genetically-
superior being, but in the end there's always some fatal flaw, and the clone 
ends up going insane or melting into a puddle of goo on the lab floor or 
something like that." Kate probably would have shrugged nonchalantly if she 
hadn't been tied up.

"You're lying!" Evil Kate said. "This is just some sort of trick so you can get 
yourself and all your little friends out of here!"

"Suit yourself," Kate answered. "But don't come crying to me when you start to 
disintegrate."

"You... you... you're so mean!" Evil Kate wailed.

In the meantime, TV's Echo, who had been sitting in the corner and watching the 
Sailor Moon S movie (subbed, of course), realized that the first part of Do 
Gooders World Tour had ended, and it was time to let the test subjects back into 
the lobby for the intermission. Taking care not to disturb the Kates, he pushed 
the buttons to open the theater doors. In a few minutes, he'd turn on the lobby 
projection screen.

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

Meanwhile, in the lobby, the eight poor souls left to fend for themselves were 
comparing their experiences in the theater. More than half of them were drunk, 
partly to the fact that Jonatan, while in captivity, had stowed away a secret 
cache of alcohol inside a hollow wall.

R. Jak gulped down yet another shot of spirits as he talked with a small group 
gathered around the popcorn popper. "As far as I can see," he said, with a 
slight slur, "this experiment is actually kinda mild, in comparison."

"Comparison to what?" Zeek asked, trying to focus on the blurry images ahead of 
him.

"Well, think about it," Scott said, as articulate as ever (not that that's 
saying a whole lot). "The basis of this is supposedly a sort of torture, ne? 
Except this one's supposed to hurt, but it only causes... causes..."

"Annoyance..." NeoVid groaned from underneath the popcorn popper.

"Right. Annoyance." Scott thought a bit. "Bloody load of pauses, weren't there? 
I bet we could write our own fanfic in all the whitespace."

"Yeaaahh..." NeoVid mumbled. "Til I was forced to read it, I thought World Tour 
was pretty good..."

Mark would have commented on the subject, but at the moment, he was holding an 
ice pack on his head and groaning. All that from downing two shots of spirit.

Jonatan nudged Mark. "You really can't take liquor very well, can you?"

"Shaddup! Ooohh..." Mark replied. 

"And then there's the fact that he keeps messing up who's speaking," Jonatan 
continued, sipping a glass of vodka.  "That's way messed up. I told him
you can't do that, but did he listen? Nooo..."

"Who?" Zeek asked, a confused look on his face.

"Him," Scott said unhelpfully.

"Never mind." He looked up at the mysterious Mr. Knht, who was floating around 
the room, rather disoriented. "So what you think of Do-Gooders World Tour?"

Mr. Knht glared at Jon, refusing to speak for a few moments.

"Funguy," Jon repeated, "what did you think of..."

Then, Mr. Knht took out his Game Boy. "Zapdos! I choose you!" he yelled. 

Zapdos flew out of the Game Boy and let out a great bolt of electricity, 
destroying the popcorn machine and shocking everyone in the room expect Mr. 
Knht. 

"Okay," said Scott, slightly frizzled. "That was unnecessary."

Mr. Knht pocketed the Game Boy. "I think Zadpos giv ya my anwser." Mr. Knht 
replied. 

"A pain in the Game Boy system?" asked Jonatan.

"Correct, but good enough for me." stated Mr. Knht. 

"I mean," Scott droned on in the background, "you completely ruined the 
popcorn... now what am I supposed to eat during part two? Nachos? I think not. 
No respect for tradition, I'm telling you..."

Mr. Knht suddenly boggled, as the Zapdos gave one last terrified squak and died 
a horrible death via steel.

Zeek then sheathed his sword, totally sober now. "DO THAT AGAIN AND I CUT YOU TO 
RIBBONS, KNHT!" he shouted again.

"WHAT WRONG WITH YOU! NOW I GOT GET NOTHER!" Mr. Knht reached for his Game Boy, 
but it was snatched out of his hand.

"Let me keep this for now, Thinker," Mark said ominously, stuffing the 
contraption into his pocket as R. Jak and NeoVid struggled out of the large 
mound of broken machinery and popped corn.  NeoVid, who was still drunk, 
staggered out and leaned up against Mark.

"Now Knht," Zeek replied, "you'd better knock it off, before you do something 
you will regret."

"Like what?" R. Jak remarked, wiped out the last of the melted butter out of his 
hair. "Write another Supergirl story?"

"THINKER rwite Supergirl story, no me!" Mr. Knht replied indignantly. 

Before Zeek could reply, the screen lit up, revealing an angry Kate and a 
sobbing Evil Kate.

"Hi guys," Kate said in an embarrassed tone of voice.

The group waved back, then NeoVid passed out.

"Hey, Kate!" Mark shouted. His headache and dizziness were doing weird things to 
his thought processes. "You made Evil Kate cry! That wasn't very nice of you!"

"But she trapped you in a theater and made you watch bad fanfiction! She isn't 
nice!" Kate attempted to defend herself.

"Huh?" Mark intoned. "Oh, yeah. Forgot." He tossed the water in the ice bucket 
over his head, in effect also drenching NeoVid. "Brrrr! That woke me up!"

"What, and you are?" R. Jak pointed out to Kate. "You beating up on poor Jon all 
the time? You should be ashamed."

"Are you saying there's something wrong with my hobbies?" Jonatan asked, 
confused.

Despite still being on the floor, NeoVid said "She's eeeevil, man, evil... I 
never thought MSTing was a bad thing until today..."

Scott shrugged. "It's not a bad thing."

"What was that 'FUN?' thing about, then?" Jonatan retorted.

"Well, it's sort of expected. You know. Anyway, Kate, you should really be nicer 
to Evil Kate. Because the only difference between you is that she's not nice. 
Right? Aside from the revealing leather, I mean. Which I still think you 
should reconsider. She looks really--" He paused for a moment. "Um, I said all 
that out loud, didn't I?"

Mark nodded.

"Damn. I shouldn't've started drinking." He gave Kate a very broad, very 
innocent smile, which didn't fool her in the slightest. "Er, never mind?"

"So now that you defeated your evil twin, does that mean you're going to let us 
go, Kate?" Mark asked.

"Well..." Kate responded.  "I wouldn't exactly say that I *defeated* her.  I 
mean, you don't see me untied or anything, do you?"

Echo, meanwhile, decided that he could help his boss out by taking matters into 
his own hands.  He pushed the button, reopening the theater doors.

The groups started to head back to the theaters, before they were interrupted by 
Evil Kate (who apparently had managed to recover from her crying fit).  "Wait, 
where do you think you're going? You don't get back into the theater until you 
switch teams! It's because... um... because you'll have a harder time dealing 
with the fic if I shake you up like this!"

"Uh...okay," R. Jak said, a bit unsure.

"Oh yay. So who's the lucky members this time?" Zeek looked up at Evil Kate.

Evil Kate took a sheet of paper from Echo and read the new groups. "Okay, the 
hentai, the immortal, the cynic..."

"...the lion, the witch, the wardrobe..." Jonatan filled in.

"...and a partridge in a pear tree," NeoVid finished.

"Shut up." Evil Kate glared. "...and the new guy go to theater one. Theater two 
is the normal guy, the cosplayer, the guy speaking bad english, and the goth."

"...oh my," Jonatan giggled. The others looked oddly at him, wondering what was 
so fun about Kasumi impressions.

"Be more specific, Kate," Scott said. "Which one's the normal guy?"

"Mark's the MOST normal," Jon suggested.

Mark nodded. "Yes, I may be..." Pause. "Wait a minute..." He stopped and glared 
at Jonatan. "I am NOT! I'm as abnormal as any of you." Mark stopped again. "That 
didn't come out right," he muttered under his breath.

"Hmm. Given the present company, I think I'd have to agree with Jon," Scott 
disagreed with Mark. "But you couldn't come up with anything better than 'new 
guy' for me? Come on... what kind of villain are you? I could do better than 
that..."

"Okay, specifics here," Evil Kate said angrily. "We're switching the ones called 
R. Jak and NeoVid to theater one. They 
trade off with Mark and Zeek. Is that better?"

"No relly," Mr. Knht said innocently. "Who normal one?"

"JUST GET IN THERE, SPOONY BARDS!" Evil Kate screamed.

"Okay, okay."

"I'm not really a-- ah, forget it, nobody'll get that reference anyway," Scott 
muttered.

"Jeez," Jon remarked before the group departed. "Not a funny bone in her body. 
Loves to break mine, though..."

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

DOOR SEQUENCE:

4B: It's a rotten door.  It takes Mr. Knht five strong Pokemon to bring down the 
door.

3B: A picture of Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank.  The door opens by replacing Dr. 
Forrester and TV's Frank with Evil Kate and Echo.

2B: It's a IFR picture gallery of Dr. Thinker's pictures. You find the doorway 
behind W4's picture.

1B: It's the famous Pokemon, Mewtwo. He transports the B-Riffers into the 
theater.

*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\*

> The world burned.

Mr. Knht: [Charleton Heston] Hey fine did that those dirty rats, they nuked the 
                             world! 

> Mankind had foolishly 
> wasted 

Mark: ... his chance at a World Championship Title by jobbing to Triple H.
Zeek: (turns to Mark) You a wrestling fan?
Mark: (shrugs) I only watch it to get some laughs.

>its only chance at peace and 
> gone to war. Weapons more terrible than 
> any conceivable today were deployed, 
> and all life on earth was destroyed.

zero: You know, I'm feeling much happier about this fic now.
Mark: [Author] But if you think that ends this fic, think again! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

> It's a good job this omake takes place 
> a few centuries before that then.

Mark: (groans) Thought so.
Mr. Knht: What was that about?
Zeek: Smile and nod. 
Mr. Knht: I try.

> 
> ***** Do-Gooders The Do-Gooders World 
> tour An Omake Serial 

zero: Omake Cereal: Made from 100% pure bran. Guaranteed to make you f--
(Others glare at Zerosum)
zero: --feel younger. (Notices the glares) What?
Mark: Never mind.

>This part by 
> Eslington. [Eslington@bigfoot.com] Part 
> Two: A spooky mansion in a foreign 
> country! What shall our heroines do? 

zero: (thoughtful) You know, that explains a lot about Kireiko and Matsuro.
Mr. Knht: Meet up with the Scoody-Doo gang?
Mark: Have a night of "fun"? (*Thwap*) OW!
Zeek: I knew Jonatan's hentainess was rubbing off on you. 

> *****
> 
> The Do-Gooders trudged up the winding 
> path towards the creepy gothic mansion 
> atop the large hill, some of them 
> carrying their instruments, all of them 
> arguing about matters such as luggage 
> handling and proper van driving. The 
> group stopped as they reached a large 
> cast iron gate. 

Mr. Knht: Ther are on the site of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.


> Keiko had once seen the 
> gates of hell, and these looked 
> amazingly similar. 

Mark: [Keiko, valley girl] I swear, they must have had, like, the same tacky 
                           interior designer.

> Of course in hell 
> the gates had little blood red picket 
> fences on either side of them, rather 
> than tall brick walls topped with 
> spikes, but most of the details were 
> the same, even the little stone 
> gargoyles on the gate posts. One of the 
> posts had a doorbell intercom attached 
> to it, Ayame pressed the button 

Mark: ...and the bomb behind the gate exploded, killing off all the cast members 
      in one fell swoop.
Mr. Knht: Not huppning.
Mark: I can dream, can't I?
zero: o/~ To dream, the impossible dream...o/~

> to 
> attract the attention of the mansion's 
> occupants. "Good evening, can I help 
> you?" 

Zeek: NONO! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!

> Said a voice with a distinct 
> British accent. "Yes oh occupant of 
> this grand house, 

zero: [Ayame] ...we're here for the [NOOKIE].
Zeek: That's what the N stands for after all.

>we require assistance 
> in our mission of spreading delight 
> across the world as our method of 
> transportation has tragically been 
> rendered inoperative and we humbly 
> request that you offer us a roof over 
> our heads, four walls around us and 
> possibly a method of telecommunication 
> to the nearest automotive repair and 
> modification centre." Answered Ayame. 

> "Very good Miss, 

Zeek: (deadpan voice) And would you like fries with that?

> may I simply ask that 
> you put that in slightly less verbose 
> terms?" Matsuro pushed Ayame lightly 
> aside. "Our van's broken down, can we 
> stay here tonight and call a garage?" 
> "Yes, good sir. If you'd just wait a 
> second..." There was a click and the 
> gate swung open with an agonised 
> squeak. The Do-Gooders looked at each 
> other, shrugged and walked in.

Mr. Knht: Into Dr. Forrester's summer home. 

> 
> *
> 
> Beneath the Mansion, someone lurked, or 
> more accurately, 

zero: Dozed.
Zeek: Loafed.
Knht: Be bord.

> fiddled with 
> scientific equipment 

Zeek: Yea, whatever.

> whilst lurking. An 
> intercom panel buzzed on the wall. The 
> scientist rushed over to it and stabbed 
> at the "answer" button. "Yes, what is 
> it?" "Master, visitors have arrived." 
> "Excellent, that small cute thing I 
> trained to jump in front of cars is 
> working like a charm." 

Zeek: [servant] Actually, sir, it was the big ugly thing you trained to bite 
                tires.
zero: Oh.
Zeek: [servant] But i'm getting sidetracked...

> "Actually sir, I 
> chose to notify you because the gate 
> sensors indicate the presence of 
> powerful magic within our female 
> guests." 

Mark: [servant] They might be able to liven up our tea party with some tricks!
zero: Last I checked, Matsuro carried a magical sword around in his stomach. Is 
      that not inside enough?

>The man grinned as he heard 
> the news. 

Mark: [Man] The Lakers won? Wheee!

> "My day just gets better... 
> Bring one of them to me, so I may study 
> her 

Zeek: (coughs) Ahem... (looks around) Oh yeah, forgot that Jonatan's not here.
Mark: You're a bit edgy, aren't you?

> energies." The man turned off the 
> intercom and strode away, cackling 
> evilly.

Mark: I lost track of who said what.
Zeek: Ditto.
Mr. Knht: My head hurts.
zero: (twitching) ...format the paragraphs...format...format...

> 
> *

Mr. Knht: Isn't that the grade for the new X-Men outside?
Zerosum: Issues?
Mr. Knht: Nah, I like DC Comics better. 
Mark: You get comic books in the Fifth Dimension?

> 
> The entrance hall of the mansion was, 
> of course, 

zero: Bloodsoaked.

> extravagant. The dark oak 
> floor was covered in part by strips of 

zero: Human flesh.
Mark: (turns to zerosum) I wonder where you got your interior design senses.


> crimson carpeting. The furnishings were 
> made of the finest Mahogany and on the 
> walls were pictures of people who, by 
> the look of them, were 

zero: In more agony than -we- currently are.

> all related to 
> each other. 

Mark: They all had three eyes.

> Clearly this was a house 
> that belonged to a family of 
> aristocratic breeding. 

Zeek: [Narrator] Or a mad scientist, go figure.

> "Hmm..." Hmmed 
> Aki. "Looks like the owner of this 
> house is a family of aristocratic 
> breeding." 

Mr. Knht: Perseptiv sa allway that gilr.
zero: (looks at author) Hey! That was a perfectly good riff you stole!  
(collapses under a large weight dropped from the ceiling) ...owie...
Evil Kate: Watch the fourth wall, gothboy.

> From one of the room's many 
> entrances, a butler walked in and stood 
> before the band. Th butler's employer 
> had clearly spent a lot of time 
> searching for a classic English butler. 

Mark: He was forced to settle for Plage, however.

> If any of the band had ever read any of 
> P.G. Wodehouse's books, they would have 
> found this man unusually familiar,

Zeek: Yea... Grey Archive... (shudder)

> but none of them had, so this was a moot 
> point.

Mr. Knht: I rather had some put a a point in your head, E. 
Echo: (over the loud space) Take this! FIRE 5!
(Mr.Knht gets burned.)
Kate: I think he was referring to the author, actually. ^^;

> "Good evening. May I take your 
> coats?" "We aren't wearing coats." 
> noted Tejina. "Then I shall not take 
> them. May I have your names instead?" 

Mark: [Tejina] Why? What will you do with them?
Zeek: [Plage] I've always wanted a Japanese name for my collection.

> The group introduced themselves, though 
> this dialogue was removed to prevent 
> unnecessary typing. 

Mark: That could be read as "the author didn't feel like it."

> "And I am Plage, 
> humble servant to this house, the manor 
> of Wallingfourthshire."

All: Gesundheit!

> "That sounds 
> like somewhere in England." Noted 
> Keiko. "It is, the master of the house 
> had it moved 

Mark: [Plage] You wouldn't believe how hard it was to move this castle brick by 
              brick. Oy.

> after the local coal 
> mining industry collapsed. I regret to 
> inform you that our phone lines have 
> been blown down in the storm. 

zero: [Plage] The fact that we have no phones is also a problem.

> I would 
> give you a grand tour of the house but

Zeek: [Plage] You'll have to wait for the first group to finish and exit before 
              we can start.

> it's late, and you are probably in 
> greater need of some rest. I shall 
> escort you all to your rooms. The 
> master of the house is busy in the wine 
> cellar and 

zero: [Plage]...can't interrupt his blood sacrifice, but he'll see you...later.

> does not wish to be 
> disturbed but he assures me he shall 
> see you in the morning." With that, 
> Plage walked silently out of the room, 
> followed by a slightly confused but 
> grateful group of teens.

Mark: [Bugs Bunny] What a maroon. So naive.

> *
> 
> Tejina pushed open the door to the 
> first guest room. It was simply 
> furnished with an empty chest of 
> drawers and two small brass-frame beds, 
> each in a southern corner. Hanaki 
> walked in around her and collapsed onto 
> a bed. 

Mark: [Tejina] Oh, great! It's going to take an hour to fix her again.

> Tejina closed the door and sat 
> down on the other bed. "I'm so 
> tired..." Began Hanaki. "I could fall 
> asleep in these sodden clothes." "Looks 
> like that's the only option." "What?" 
> "You left the rest of the clothes in 
> the van didn't you? "No." "Han..." 
> "Well yes, but I'm sure you said it was 
> Kireiko's job to bring them." Tejina 
> sighed. She was tired too and despite 
> her mission for truth, justice and 
> concert fees, arguing over the truth 
> with her sister could wait until next 
> morning. Removing enough clothing to 
> sleep comfortably,

(Mark moves a bit closer to the screen.)

> but leaving enough 
> to maintain the PG rating,

(Mark moves back to his seat.)
Mark: Dang.
Zeek: Mark, you really have to stop hanging around Jonatan. You're weirding me 
      out.
zero: There, there, Mark. Have faith. Someday (strikes a pose) there -will- be 
      Do-Gooders lemons!

> Hanaki and 
> Tejina settled down to sleep.
> 
> *

Zerosum: [Confused traveler] It's the North Star! We're in the South! Whee!

> Ayame had fallen asleep as soon as she 
> got onto the bed and would have slept 
> in a very uncomfortable position if 
> Becky hadn't turned her over so she 
> wasn't sleeping on her elbow. 

Zeek: So she's sleeping on her other more confortable elbow.

> Becky had 
> tried to get to sleep, but she had 
> discovered the horrible and terrible 
> and horrible secret about Ayame that 
> Tejina and Hanaki had hidden from the 
> rest of the world... 

Zeek: Ayame's a guy.
Mark: (shudders) Sheesh, "Ace Ventura" flashbacks.

>"...nnnmmnnnn HA! 
> I shall not allow you to nullify the 
> Emblem! On behalf of the fourth wall 
> you're punished! Mmmm...."

Mr. Knht: Who... broke... the... fourth... wall... again?

> Ayame 
> exposited in her sleep. Just great. And 
> to make it worse the voices in her head 
> were arguing again. [Sailor Rapture 
> must continue in her quest to spread 
> her joyous music across the world!] 
> [Agent B-A3 must fulfil the objectives 
> set by her parents. If she does not 
> check the locations for anomalous 
> occurrences then the free world may be 
> in grave danger, as her parents 
> ordered, she must fulfil this mission 
> with the aid of her associates within 
> the two weeks allotted. 

Mark: She went to the U.S. to check for any threats against the well-being of 
      the United States of America?
Zeek: Mark, remember?
Mark: Oh, yeah, just smile and nod. (Smiles and nods)

> Besides you got 
> those bass lessons off me.] 
> [Irrelevant! Without the power of her 
> music the world shall never know the 
> possible rapture that awaits it.] [The 
> wellbeing of the United States of 
> America and the Earth outweighs your 
> concerns.] [Does not.] [Does.] [Does 
> not.] [Does.] [Can you two keep it 
> down? I'm trying to get some sleep!] 

Zeek: [Shut up, we aren't talking to YOU!]

> Thought Becky. [Sorry] Thought her 
> personalities. Becky settled down into 
> bed and closed her eyes and drifted 
> off... [Does.] [Does not.] Becky sighed 
> and spent the night arguing with her 
> personalities.

zero: Okay, I've figured it out. The author is Ayame.

> *
> 
> Much to Keiko's disappointment, the 
> beds in the guestroom were large enough 
> to accommodate one comfortably, but 
> small enough to prevent any bed 
> sharing. 

Mark: And the author masterfully sidesteps a potential lemon scene. 
zero and Mark: Yay.

> When she had complained about 
> this to Matsuro, he had just shrugged 
> and slipped into bed, he hadn't even 
> bothered to undress. 

Mark: Does everyone have to undress before going to bed?
Zerosum: Maybe the author thinks so.

> Keiko lay awake in 
> bed, cursing that fatigue resistance 
> spell she had cast on herself six hours 
> ago, in the hope that she would be able 
> to 

zero: [narrator] ...occupy herself with Matsuro.

> drive for a while. Keiko looked over 
> at Matsuro. He was kinda cute when he 
> was sleeping. That little ingrained 
> expression of annoyance on his 
> otherwise still body... She got out of 
> bed, pulled up a small chair and sat by 
> his bed. She didn't want to close her 
> eyes; she didn't want to fall asleep

Mark: Leno was on.

> (She knew she'd find that difficult 
> anyway) because she'd miss him. And she 
> didn't want to miss a thing. 

zero: (rolls his eyes) That was a lot funnier last time he did it.
Mark: You know, I just realized this was stolen from a song.
Zeek: Which one?
Mark: o/~ Don't wanna close my eyes, don't wanna fall asleep, cause I'll miss 
      you, baby and I don't wanna miss a thing. o/~
Zeek: Those weren't accurate lyrics.
Mark: (shrugs) So sue me.
zero: [Steve Tyler] Your soul is mine, copyright infringer!

> It 
> occurred to her that some might regard 
> this as either very sweet, or mildly 
> disturbing. 

zero: Not really. I mean, it's pretty natural to stare at your loved one all 
night like some paranoid stalker.

> But she was all right with 
> that, she felt both descriptions suited 
> her well.
> 
> *

Mark: [Educational show host] ...Halley's Comet can only be seen once every 
                             70... er, 71, ...er, 76! Yeah, that's it. 76 years.

> Aki settled down in her bed, smoothing 
> the sheets out over her body. 

Mark: Giving the fanboys a glimpse of how form-fitting a bedsheet can be.

> The bed 
> was so comfortable that sleep was so 
> easy... Aki sighed, a small smile of 
> comfort on her face with the expression 
> that come from one who has an instinct 
> for this sort of situation and just 
> knows the snag was about to turn up. 
> There was a thump as Kireiko turned 
> over,

Mark: Wouldn't it have been more logical for Matsuro and Kireiko to be roomies? 
      And Aki and Keiko to share the room?
Zeek: How else would the author set up Matsuro and Keiko?
Mark: Point.

> and then a noise akin to that 
> thing some really evil people 
> occasionally do with their nails and 
> blackboards, as the half oni's claws 
> dragged down the wall, leaving gashes 
> in the wall paper. 

Mark: [Public service announcer] Has your oni been declawed yet? If not, send 
                                 him to your nearest vet. Because a declawed oni 
                                 is a happy oni.

> Aki looked over, her 
> face contorted in pain. She didn't 
> trust those tentacles to keep 
> themselves to themselves either. Aki 
> groaned, gathered up her bedclothes and 
> went downstairs to sleep on the antique 
> Georgian sofa-bed.

Mr. Knht: Wait into Mrs. B hears about this?
Rest: Huh, what you talking about Thinker?
Mr. Knht: Well, Mrs. Georgain B is a famous MiSTie.
Evil Kate: Well, you guys stop breaking the four way! BOLT 6! Eat that, little 
           miss goody two-shoes!
Kate: Uhhh... no thanks. ^^;
Zeek: CAN YOU TWO SHUT UP? WE ARE TRYING TO STAY SANE, OR SHOULD I SAY INSANE, 
      HERE! AND YOU WITH YOUR OVERPOWERED SPELLS... don't make me come up there.

> *

Mark: [Siskel] You're being too generous giving this fic that grade.

> In the basement, the intercom buzzed 
> again. Fortunately, the villainous 
> figure was walking next to it so there 
> was no rush to answer. "Yes?" "Our 
> guests have retired to their rooms. 
> Evidence shows that all of the females 
> are charged with 

zero: ...raw sexual energy.

magical energy, one 
> even shows evidence of a sorceress' 
> skills." "Excellent." 

Mark: [Mr. Burns] Smithers! Release the hounds!

>The shadowy man 
> flicked on four of his security 
> monitors grinning; he pressed buttons 
> five and seven on a small eight-button 
> array by his side. "I shall dispose of 
> the two males with my patented 
> Deathbeds(tm),

Mr. Knht: It is me or this guy nutter then Dr. Forrester?

> and the you 

Mark: [Shadowy man] and the me are going to have a the party! Mwehehehe.
(Others stare at him. Zeek shakes Mark's shoulders.)
Zeek: Snap out of it, man! You're losing it!

>shall bring 
> one of the girls to me for analysis." 

zero: [shadowy man] Yes, that's what I'll call it. "Analysis", hehehe. (Rubs 
                    hands with glee.)
Zeek: May I commit seppuku now?
zero: There is no escape, mortal.

> "Very good master, will there be 
> anything else?" 

Mark: [Master] Do you have those pink drinks with the cute little umbrellas?

>"That will be all." The 
> mad scientist turned off the intercom 
> and turned to the massive machine in 
> the centre of his lab. "Soon...

Zeek: The cappuchino will be complete!

> The 
> government will bow to may demands and 
> I shall have enough money to retire 
> from Mad Science! BWA-HAHAHAHA!" 

Mr. Knht: He died from laughing too much. 
zero: (blink) This... is actually a clever goal. I'm a little impressed.

> Laughed the scientist, rubbing his 
> hands in glee.
> 
> *
> 
> ***************

Zeek: Looks like the author is increasing the stars in this one.
Mark: Probably hoping the added star power would uplift the fic.
Mr. Knht: o/~ Tiwndle winkel lit stars. o/~

>*** *COMMERCIAL BREAK* 
> ******************


Mr. Knht: What happen here? Likes the highway got borken again. 


> Tired of eating the same old 

Mark: Shoe?
zero: Semper non sequitur!

>breakfast? 
> Well why not try new Jusenky-os? Simply 
> add cold milk and these delicious 
> breakfast treats become all kinds of 
> morning delights! "That is bowl of 
> drowned sugar coated cornflakes! Very 
> tragic legend of sugar frosted 
> cornflakes that drowned there two 
> thousand years ago..."

Zeek: Why would anyone eat from a two thousand year old bowl?
zero: [Guide] Ah, that is also very tragic story.

> "*Gasp* Not bowl 
> of drowned chocolate flavoured cereal 
> Os!" "Ah, you dine from bowl of drowned 
> puffed rice." Breakfast time will never 
> be the same! 

Mark: Especially when you have the Jusenkyo guide over everytime you eat.

> Warning: Do not ingest 
> cereal, may result in annoying but 
> amusing curse. 

Mr. Knht: Lik addtionl arvs.

> "Oh no! Not bowl of 
> drowned toast!"

Mark: (Facepalms) Egads.
Zeek: (pats Mark on shoulder) Take heart. We're on the downhill side.

> *

zero: Someone poked the cyclops' eye out.
Zeek: And now BACK TO THE SHOW... (facepalms) I didn't get paid enough for 
      saying that.

> As the night wore on, the Do-Gooders 
> and their travelling companions 
> dreamed... 

zero: ...that they were actually a band with talent.

> well, most of them did 
> anyway.

Mark: That's because they're still up making wild hot--
Zeek: Mark! (Starts to unsheathe his sword.)
Mark: --pancakes for a midnight snack. What?
Zeek: (Finishes unsheathing his sword and points it at Mark) You say waffle, you 
                                                             die!

> *
> 
> Tejina opened her eyes. She was on a 
> stage, but not any like she had ever 
> performed on.

zero: This one was missing the firepole.

The stage was carpeted 
> red and had a small stairway in the 
> back. Tejina found herself walking up 
> these steps and then spinning around 

zero: And tripped on her dress.
Mark: (taps zero) I don't think that's possible with her Sailor Delight skirt.
zero: My mistake.

> to 
> face the audience. Tejina looked to 
> either side of her. About a dozen men 
> wearing 

Mark: ...spandex speedos...
Zeek: (looks at Mark and shakes his head.) I don't want to know.
zero: (looks at Mark and grins) I like you.
Mark: (deadpan) Sorry, I'm not into that sort of thing. (zero mallets him.) Ow!! 
                >_<

> tuxedoes walked in from the 
> sides of he stage, their eyes focused 
> on her. She began to sing, for no 
> apparent reason. 

Mark: Other than the author said so.
Mr. Knht: Some authors just like that, so I hear.

> "Some boys kiss me, 
> some boys hug me, I think they're 
> OK..."

Mark: (Groucho-esque leer) I like a girl who knows what she likes.

> She continued singing as the men 
> danced around her, all of them showing 
> off expensive watches and rings. 

Mr. Knht: [Tux-man] Rolex, lady want one?

> To her mild surprise, she began stealing these 
> items from right out of their hands and 
> pushing the men away. [I must be 
> dreaming] She thought accurately [But 
> what is it symbolic of?] 

Zeek: Subconsciously, she wants to be a thief. Go figure.
Mark: Must have been from watching all those episodes of Saint Tail.

>The song 
> rolled to a close, the audience 
> applauded and cheered, and the back of 
> the stage lifted up again. The familiar 
> face of Villyn grinned at her from 
> behind a podium. 

zero: ~/o The disembodied, floating head of Villyn started yelling ~/o

"Our contestant has 
> successfully completed the challenge 
> from THE WHEEL OF HUMILIATION!" "Huh? 
> What? AGH!" The agh came as Tejina 
> looked down and realised that her 
> costume was 

Mark: ...nonexistent.
zero: ...transparent.
Zeek: <THWACK!!>
Mark and zero: ...owie...

totally unsuited to the 
> routine she had just done. For one 
> thing, it featured cones as a major 
> part of its design.

Zeek: NOT A DAMN WORD.
Mark: Huh?
zero: We weren't gonna say...

> [Oh right, just 
> this dream again.] She thought with a 
> small measure of relief. "Now, Tejina, 
> will you claim your prize or SPIN THE 
> WHEEL?" Tejina paused at this. "I'll 
> take my prize."

Zeek: Nothing is in the box! You stupid! You so stupid!

> Tejina's answer was met 
> with the sort of silence that would 
> have normally been impossible without a 
> complete vacuum. 

(Mr. Knht laughs really hard.)
zero: I think he's got some issues.
Mr. Knht: It's call a scence of humor. Just smile and nod.


> The armoured host 
> shuffled his question cards. "Uh... 
> You're supposed to spin the wheel." 
> "No, I want to take my prize and go 
> home." The host formed a sweat drop on 
> his right temple. "Please? Spin the 
> wheel one more time." "Let me guess... 
> The really humiliating question or 
> challenge is next, isn't it?" "Well... 
> yes,

zero: [host] ...we were planning to have you do something involving Chippy, a 
             tub full of peanut butter, a Moogle, and three feet of dental 
             floss.

> but I assure you you'll get a good 
> prize." "No." "Aw, you're no fun any 
> more," whined the host.

Mark: [host] I'm telling mommy!

> "Well, just 
> take a seat in the audience then." 
> "Wait a minute, where's my prize?" 
> Asked Tejina. "What?" Asked the 
> slightly disappointed host. "Oh, right. 
> Bring it in lads!" Two muscular 
> stagehands brought in Tejina's prize. 
> She stared at it, amazed that her 
> subconscious could come up with 
> something THIS weird. 

Mark: [Tejina] Subconscious, you and I are going to have to talk...

> "Contestant 
> number 2, you've won... ENOUGH PEANUT 
> BUTTER TO FILL A BATHTUB!" 

Zeek: Great. The goth reads ahead.

> Tejina's jaw 
> dropped as far as it could go without 
> causing lasting injury. "Doesn't it 
> even come in jars?" 

Mark: [host] Well, in supermarkets, it does. But this is a *dream*, you see...

>"Nope." "But isn't 
> it a little unsanitary?" 

Mark: [host] Only if you eat it.

>"Hey, don't 
> knock it, you're getting a free bathtub 
> as well." Tejina sighed and walked 
> offstage, taking a seat next to a teen 
> who kept staring at her coniferous 
> costume, 

Zeek: Well, it's not like people regularly wear pine boughs on their dress.

>much to her annoyance. The 
> next contestant answered all the 
> questions, performed the same challenge 
> as Tejina and 

Mark: [Narrator] ... even performed a sword dance while reciting the Swahili 
                 national anthem backwards!
Others: Ooooo!!!

> won the star prize. 
> "...and tonight's star prize winner has 
> won... A DATE WITH KIZUNA FROM THE 
> BISHOUNEN BOYZ!" 

All: (Deadpan) Yey.

>All the fangirls in 
> the crowd cheered the handsome bassist 
> ran on stage and embraced the lucky 
> winner. "Aw hell." Said contestant 
> number 3, Richard, "and I wanted the 
> peanut butter..."

(zero opens his mouth, looks at Zeek, who is holding his mallet at the ready, 
and closes his mouth.)
Zeek: Better.
Mark: That one was too easy anyway.

> 
>*
> Hanaki's badly remembered dreams were 
> chaotic and strange. 

Mark: I wonder how the author would describe Matsuro's dreams...

> When asked about 
> it later, all she could remember was 
> that it involved her dancing on stage 
> and singing to a wild crowd, and then 
> her being seduced by a secret agent 
> with a really groovy looking car. She 
> had to admit, it was a bit silly.


Mr. Knht: She had a Austin Powers dream! NOOOOO! It's can't be ...but it is the 
          END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! 
zero: ~/o as we know it, but I feel fine. ~/o

> 
> *
> 

Zeek : And thus, the star is seen again...

> Ayame was dreaming of shopping, which 
> was a regular occurrence in her 
> nocturnal rest. Currently she was in an 
> electronic store, eyeing up a TV she 
> was pretty keen on, the one with the 
> 30-inch screen and full satellite 
> access to virtually every station on 
> the planet. 

Mr. Knht: I wonder it has Food Network?
Zeek: Why?
Mr. Knht: I liking "Iron Chef".
Zeek: So you're a cook?
zero: We got it all, we got it all on UHF.

> She stared in glee at one 
> of the music channels, which was 
> showing some teen-idol band dancing 
> about on stage. A passing store clerk 
> paused to take a look at the band and 
> then walked off muttering something 
> about them making money for absolutely 
> nothing. Ayame switched over to one of 
> the European channels. The station was 
> currently showing some sort of Sci-fi 
> program, which was quite funny, despite 
> the fact that it was being shown in a 
> completely different language. 
> Fortunately Sailor exposition's powers 
> lay in language, so this was not a 
> problem. "Herr Flibble tycker inte om 
> galna maenniskor, jag maoste tyvaerr 
> doeda er..." Said the cross dressing 
> hologram sinisterly, just before it was 
> interrupted by a sudden news flash. A 
> froody 

Mark: Ding! Obligatory Adams reference.

> looking reporter appeared, 
> holding a microphone in his hand which 
> had the letters YTV 

Mr. Knht: It just me or do you guys aslo had the funny feeling that author is 
          from Canda?
zero: England, I thought.

> written on it. 
> "Dude... you must go to Stockholm." 

Zeek: [Keanu] Whoa.

> "Why must I go to this great European 
> city?" Asked Ayame, even though a 
> simple "Eh?" would have sufficed. "Oops 
> sorry, wrong dreamer." The reporter 
> sighed. "Looks like the department of 
> mystical destinies has messed it up 
> again..." 

Mark: Bureaucracy's like that.

>"Why has this most excellent 
> television channel never been available 
> to me before, despite the fact the TV 
> in my home has over two thousand 
> channels? 

Mark: By gosh!
Zeek: What?
Mark: Think of their cable bills! Those guys must be rich!
zero: Or stealing cable.
Mark: Good point.
Mr. Knht: Wnder if they watc all of th chanvels? 

> The Nakaos even have the 
> Czechoslovakian arts and crafts 
> channel."

Zeek: I sincerely hope the author invented that.

> Exposited Ayame curiously. 
> "It's a private channel," explained the 
> European. "it's only available to one 
> specific person and he chooses the 
> programs for his own enjoyment. Ayame 
> paused while she considered this. 
> Though she would be the first to agree 
> that her talents were better suited to 
> radio (her agreement would probably 
> last until the final person agreed) she 
> was also pretty keen on television. 
> [All Ayame! All the time!]

zero: mmm...Ayame...yeah, that's the ticket. Have to give her a ball gag, 
      though.

>She thought 
> about the possibility of a 24-hour 
> Shakespeare marathon to watch at night. 
> "I desire one of the personal channels 
> for myself please!" Declared Ayame. 
> "Uh, sorry babe, you can't. 

Zeek: [reporter] You're not yet legal age.
Mark: Well, technically, she is.
Zeek: What?
Mark: She's actually around 40 years old in the Do-Gooders storyline, the mother 
      of Tejina and Hanaki, reduced to a teenage state after their encounter 
with some entities-- (Zeek and zerosum cover his mouth with their hands.)
zero: Oy, don't pull Ayame's schtick on us.
Mr. Knht: I agre.

> Now if 
> you'll excuse me I've got to get back 
> the Swedish branch of the DMD and 
> straighten this out." 

Mark: [reporter] TAXI!!! Oh, wait, forgot that I could teleport.

> "That is not fair 
> my Scandinavian friend! I want my... I 
> want my..." 

Zeek: MTV...

> Ayame was lost for a 
> station name, no amusing titles 
> presented themselves, so she settled 
> for the unoriginal option. "I want my 
> Ayame TV!" "It's only available to 
> people with mystical destinies who're 
> too dumb to listen to other stuff. And 
> I'm not a Scandinavian, I'm a 
> pan-dimensional demi-god from dimension 
> ZZ9 Plural Alpha!"

zero: ZZ9 Plural -Z- Alpha, you twit.
Mark: Ding!

> "Not so fast my 
> pan-dimensional demi-god from dimension 
> ZZ9 Plural Alpha-ian friend! 

Mark: Whoah! No pause. How does she do it?

> I'll get 
> that station if it kills you!" 

zero: Well I've got this big pain in the diodes down my side, if you could help 
      that....
Mark: Ding! Weak, but the count is now zerosum:1, Eslington:2.

> "Do you realise how much those things cost? 
> I'm gone." Said the reporter, turning and 
> walking into the background of the 
> pi