*/\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Indie Madnesse proudly presents: IMPROFICROAST: Improvisational MiSTing or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Come Up With Riffs In Two Days http://www.students.rhodes.edu/%7Eknoke/indie/indie.html Episode 002: High Stakes, Chapter 1 Participants: -Chaobino (XellossMettalium@aol.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion -Jonatan Streith (a99jonst@ida.his.se) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion -NeoVid (neovid@hotmail.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Guest Villain -Ranma X (drstupid@geocities.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion -Signus Megido (maramala@hotmail.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion -W4 (indiemadw4@home.com) Intro, MiSTing, Conclusion, Editor */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* OBLIGITARY LEGAL BLAH MST3K & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Charles, Jonatan Streith, Jake, NeoVid, Ranma X, Signus, Skrib and W4 are owned and copyrighted by their respective creators. ImproFicRoast is owned and copyrighted by Indie Madnesse. And if you don't know who holds the legal rights to Pokemon, then you have obviously been living under a rock for the past decade. Lucky. MISTING CLASSIFICATION [MST]: Meta-Misting - Misting Of A Misting, Or A Unusual Misting The misting was completely improvised; see the ImproFicRoast home page for more details. [NONE]: Era Unknown or Unspecified The cast and characters are completely independent of the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" Storyline. [PROSE]: General Fiction Works The original story is the first chapter of an improvisational fanfiction. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* In a universe that most people probably haven't heard of, a powerful man watched a recording of a fighting tournament. "Hmph," he said quietly. "First he trashes our dimension, then he makes me do a MST, and now this GMCA thing..." He stood up and laughed once. "All of a sudden, I feel like doing something unworthily petty..." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Charles was in the third hour of his beard maintenance. He had a big date tonight, and nothing, come hell or high water, was going to stop him from getting that "Indiana Jones in a goatee" look. He made one final stroke with his razor and looked in the mirror. And it was good. There was a knock on the door, so he left the bathroom, headed for the front door, and was teleported away the second he started to reach for the door. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* In a well-known building in Sweden, Jonatan was having the time of his life... well, week at least. The tests were over, he was wearing his ever-so-trendy, eye-wateringly yellow jumpsuit, he was rather drunk, everyone was his friend, and he was currently showing off his Mad Toecrushing Dance Skeelz to anyone who watched. He had just finished a brief bout of waltz and was watching as a cute girl was trying to match his steps. Sadly, he suddenly vanished. The girl looked around, shrugged, and continued dancing. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Ranma X was busy writing on the computer. "Damn. This is most annoying. This sucks. And I'm out of Pop Tarts(tm) and Jolt(R)!" The phone rang. His girlfriend cancelled their date. Bill Collector. His dog was pronounced dead. Friend moved away. Bill Collector. He shot the phone. "Okay. I'm normally not the happiest of campers, but if anything else happens, I'm gonna-" he said cut off as he changed into light and disappeared. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Signus Megido settled into his plushy Snorlax sofa. "Aahh... that feels better already," he sighed. "Siggy," Signus' other Author Avatar looked up from the stack of papers he was writing on. "Shouldn't you be starting with 'West Eastwood High' and 'Chosen Warriors' now?" Signus waved him away. "Naah. I need my siesta first. It's been a long day, our RL Persona has some projects to do, and you are still working on that SUKOL Millennium crossover." Skrib groaned. "Don't remind me. This su--" There was a flash of light, and Signus was gone. Skribulous, D' Fat Dragon Scribe, looked down at his now-transluscent claws. "Great. Another ImproFicRoast. Being bonded to a Megido sucks." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* W4 woke up with a throbbing headache. "What happened?" he asked no one in particular. He stood up and looked at his green labcoat. "Oh, that's right," he commented. "I remember now! I'm supposed to be working on destroying Akane Tendo and comma abuse! Yes! And I know just how to do it! BWA HA HA HA H-" A well-timed teleport cut off W4's evil laughter. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* They all reappeared in the same place: the evil Doctor Kichigaisakka W4's Theater of Pain. Signus took in the surroundings. "Great," he muttered. Another ImproFicRoast. Being bonded to a Dragon sucks." His eyes narrowed as he recognized one of the other people in the theater. The one in the green labcoat. W4 looked around. "Oh, hey! I know this pla... oh, nuts." "YOU!" Signus and Ranma X shouted as they began to throttle, beat and perforate W4. Or rather, Ranma X began promptly throttling, beating, and perforating W4 while Signus calmly took out every single weapon of mass destruction under his jacket coat. Jonatan appeared in the middle of a twist and collapsed due to lack of music. He looked around. "...okay. Note to self: More than five drinks give you hallucinations, dimwit." He looked confused for a second and wobbled unsteadily to his feet. "No wait. It's real. Okay. That's cool." A big smile plastered itself over the even more plastered youth, and he stumbled towards the group of people in the other end of the room. "Yo! Peace!" he slurred. He had no idea who they were, but that had never stopped anyone from making new friends. Charles looked up from his prone position to see W4 being maimed by two people. He got up, dusted off his fedora and his bathrobe, sat on a nearby chair and watched. Oh, and he seemed to be in a sort of Evil Theater, but that wasn't nearly as interesting as the Chibi-Impro-Author- Turned-Mad-Scientist getting mauled. "I thought you wouldn't be doing this sort of thing again, old friend," Signus casually remarked, assembling the Panzer Assault Cannon Mk.3 from its component pieces. "It's not me this time! I swear!" W4 managed to blurt out as Ranma X continued his attempt at a grappling assault. "I...DON'T CARE!!!" Ranma X shouted as he throttled away at W4. "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE-" Signus pulled him away, and he started catching his breath. "S.. sorry. I don't know what got into me. I think it's caffeine withdrawl," Ranma X mentioned between pants. "That's okay," Signus replied as Ranma X brushed himself off. "Soooo... who's putting us through it this time?" "I am," came from the sound system as the Comparatively Big Screen lit up, showing a very... memorable person. To start with, he was big. More like BIG, really. He also looked to be a member of the "Everything Looks Cooler In A Black Trenchcoat" Club. The silver eyes with gold mixed in were pretty damn noticeable, too. But what really made him unforgettable was that he wasn't human. He seemed more like a wolf with one pair of slim fangs down to the point of his jaw. Oddly enough, however, he didn't seem intimidating. Not even slightly. The reactions to seeing that a brown-furred wolfish guy was playing the Mad's role this time were just as memorable. "Now my head REALLY hurts," W4 complained. Charles looked up at the screen. "That looks like a stuffed animal I had as a kid... Bitie-Chan! Is that you?" Ranma X looked up. "You must really hate me, Takahashi-kami-sama." Signus facepalmed. "Shouldn't have asked... me and my big mouth..." Jonatan blinked, then smiled. "Hey, it's 'Wolf' Diego, the Strontium Dog hunter! How many points do I get for that?" Noting the other individuals' stares, he muttered, "Okay, maybe not. What the hell are you, Jojo?" Well, in most cases they were. Perhaps "weird" might have been a better choice of a word. "I'm subletting the theater from Dr. W4 while he's being indicted for his last episode of Furniture Warriors. "...damn," W4 grumbled. "And what I am is a posthuman." Jonatan asked, "But what about-" "If you're wondering about my physical form, I'm a sabretoothed wolf." "But you wrote down on the Theater of Pain rental application that you were a constipated wolverine!" W4 grumbled. "Oh yeah... about that... I lied," the wolf remarked. "Wow. A sabertoothed wolf. I could be impressed if I wasn't taken away from my chance to do the Horiziotal Shuffle with Annah," Charles deadpanned. The wolf just stared at him. "....Right," Ranma X said. "Anyways," the wolf continued, "I've brought you here because I wanted to indulge myself with a small-minded act of pointless revenge." "Revenge on whom?" Signus asked. "I've never even heard of you!" "Wait..." Jonatan started to say. "Aren't you Jake? You did the Suikoden Quadruple Feature with NeoVid!" "Exactly. I've decided that I want revenge on NeoVid for that." "You mean for his making your head explode?" Jonatan mentioned. Jake glared. "I did that for comedic value. I didn't want to disappoint the readers, after all. No mere human fanfic could have that much effect on me." Jonatan snickered, "Yeah... right." The MSTiers looked at each other. "How is making us do a MST supposed to help you get back at him?" Signus wondered out loud. "He's not even here." "Very simple. You'll be MSTing one of his fanfics. Once you suffer through the mind-numbing effects of a SERIOUS fic by NeoVid, you'll want to get vengeance on him for me." The thought triggered a huge, fang-filled grin from Jake. "That... sort of makes sense," Signus commented. "Yes it does," Jake replied cheerily. "Have fun with the fic. It's a painfully slow paced and serious Impro starter based on an unknown manga, but it ended up being more like a mix of 'Pokémon' and 'Highlander.' It's 'High Stakes: Part 1.' Hope you don't like it." He telekinetically activated the theater's systems. Signus glared at W4. "You do know that, if we survive this, I'm going to kill you, right?" W4 grumbled, "Yeah, yeah... wait in line..." "I don't have to wait long," Signus smiled evilly. "Everyone else will probably go after NeoVid afterwards, while I get all the time in the world to think up of ways to repay you." Ranma X said, "Oh, I don't care who I inflict pain on, but..." He began to twitch ever so violently, "I'm ready to kill." "You've read NeoVid's work?" Charles asked Signus. "Yep. Liked it, too," Signus grinned. "I mean... it's more a mixture of 'Magic: The Gathering' and 'Power Stone' rather than 'Pokemon' and 'Highlander.'" "You are insane," Charles grumbled. Signus smiled darkly. "I know." "We're doing a MSTing?" Jonatan grinned even wider (now looking capable of biting through small vehicles). "This'll be fun!" W4 shot him a glare. "Are you nuts?" "Drunk," Jonatan corrected. Charles glowered. "Lucky you." Seconds later, klaxons began to blare and the theater's screen began to flash and flicker. "WE GOT STARTER SIIIIGN!!" the trapped men hollered. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Door Sequence 7: It must be Hell since you can hear Michael Bolton and Yoko Ono singing "Livin' La Vida Loca." Jonatan hums along before the others drag him through. 6: The thunderous clatter of one hand clapping. 5: There is no door 5. Door 5 is only a creation of the Matrix to placate your mind. 4: It's the infamous Fourth Wall. As you mention "authors", "change of writing style" and "scripts", it crumbles to dust. 3: A Wall of Blossoms. You burn it away by throwing down a red card, casting a 'Lightning Blast' spell at it. 2: It is a 70's era disco. You open the door using a 'Disco Inferno' attack. 1: It's a huge vault door. You fiddle with the mechanisms for what seems an eternity, before realizing it's not locked. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* > Presented By Beware the Radish Signus: Radishes? What about the Carrots? Jonatan: I fear not the radish. I only fear the chicken. Charles: You'd better Beware the Radish. Damn things can take your finger right off. > -------------http://btradish.tripod.com/-------------- > > > HIGH STAKES > > > Chapter 1: Take a Gamble Signus: Anyone care to bet that the doors are still open? (RanmaX tries to leave the theater. He finds that the door is locked.) RanmaX: Damn. Signus: Eh, worth a shot, kid. > > starring Jinsaku Nagaoka W4: Which would be interesting if he were somebody famous! > > Written (and created) by NeoVid Jonatan: Read and scrutinized by us. W4: Department of Redundancy Department seems to be busy with their redundancy. > > Jinsaku knew he'd be having a bad day when he woke up. RanmaX: Welcome to the club. Signus [Bad Day]: Hello, Jinsaku! I'm your bad day, and you'll be having me for today! Charles [Jinsaku]: (singing) I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. W4: (glares at Charles) Not one page into the story, and we already have a severe case of "Crow Syndrome." No good can come of this. (sighs) > It had been years since a day that had started like that > had been good for him. Charles: Wow! That long since he scored? Signus: More like that he never did. > Prying his eyes open, RanmaX: What? Did he need a crowbar to do it? [Jonatan and Signus mimicks prying his eye open] > he blearily Charles: I love when adjectives get turned into adverbs. > looked around the hotel room. The sound of muffled techno > music told him that Katsuya was already awake, and was Jonatan: About to die. Techno music is not something you want to wake up to on a bad morning. (Signus makes some noises.) RanmaX: And what was that supposed to be? W4: Random guess. You were trying to sound like muffled techno music. > getting a head start on his lifelong work of distancing > himself from the real world. RanmaX: Considering you're his roomate, I don't blame him. > He decided to waste a Jonatan: Street mime who was for some reason sitting on the floor. > moment's effort and look over. Sure enough, he had his > headphones on, and was listening to the music (Signus blinks.) Signus: Wha...? Jinsaku's a quick one. That's for sure. > with his > eyes closed, already far off in his own little universe. Jonatan: It's 8:00 AM. Do you know where your little universe is? > As usual, Jinsaku wondered how his life could have > possibly sunk so low for him to have to share a hotel > room with a moron he didn't even like because he couldn't > afford two rooms. Signus [Jinsaku]: Damn! I thought my future was set after Community College. > A knock at the door was the next sign that this > day would be exactly like every other day in his rut. RanmaX: So when did we switch over to "Groundhog Day"? > He decided not to fight Fate and unlocked it. Jonatan: 'Cos Fate was a 7-foot bodybuilder. I wouldn't fight something like that, either. Signus: I take it you've met my Aunt Fatae? > Tyrell opened the door, showing everyone W4: Ack! Put on some clothes, damn it! > his usual > irritatingly positive expression. Jonatan: Hey! That's my trademark irritatingly possitive expression! I'll sue, card-boy. > "Hi! How's everyone doin' today?" All: Do you really want to know?! > Jinsaku's expression didn't change from his usual > steel-melting glare. Charles: ...And Tyrell's belt beckle was fused to his zipper. > "Shitty. How else would we > be doing?" RanmaX: Wow, he read my mind... Signus: Your mind?!? I thought he read mine! Jonatan: Are you high on drugs, Tyrell? > "Yup, Jonatan: Thought so. > you're your usual cheery self! You had a > battle last night, didn't you?" > "How did you know?" > "Let's see... wet footprints on the carpet, soaked > jacket wadded up in the corner, Signus [Tyrell]: Bloody glove, hollowpoint shells... > and of course nobody > sane would have gone out in that rain last night." Jonatan: And neither would I. > "If it was nobody sane, why didn't you think it > was Katsuya?" RanmaX: Well the gun says, 'Property of Jinsaku Nakaoga...' > "I'm psychic, that sort of thing." He went back > to the subject. "Well, did you win?" W4: You've won... (drumroll) Signus: A NEW CAR! All: Yay. (All throw confetti.) > "Yeah. That kid took me on Jonatan: Lucky... was she cute, Jin? > with a Minion barely Jonatan: Kinky... hired help? > rated above 300. Jonatan: ...and I lost the thread somewhere here... RanmaX: (thwaps Jonatan) Lay off the ecchi. Charles: (Mock Horror) My goddess! Barely above 300? What kind of strategy-lacking fool does that? > I don't know how he's managed to last > so long if he goes out looking for challenges with his > rank that low. He must have had more Cards left, > though, since he was able to walk away afterwards." Charles: No, you idiot. Jonatan: Hmpf. It's so obvious. Charles: So they break your legs if you run out of cards? > The big kokujin- 'Think English, dammit.' Jinsaku > reminded himself- gave a demonstration of that > partly-faked overenthusiasm that grated on Jinsaku. > "Ooo, can I see!?" (Charles makes a zipper noise, folowed by a comedy boing.) (W4 rolls his eyes.) > Jinsaku grunted and got out his newest Card: Signus: (reads) "Get out of prison for free?" W4: Sorry. We don't take American Express. Charles: (reads) "What's better than having a nephew like you? Nothing! It's a trick question!" Heehee... (The others stare at Charles.) Charles: What? I think it's cute... > a > Lightning type rated at 150/200. "I suppose I'll fuse > this one with my weakest Card." He got out another > Card and touched the two together. In a faint glow of Charles: ...radiation, Jinsaku's hands melted off. Signus: That's dark, man... Charles: I passed up [nookie] to be here. I have a goddess-given right to be dark. > yellow energy, the newest Card was soaked into W4: ...grape jello. The stuff ends up everywhere these days. Jonatan: ...lard. I'm not kidding. It's lard. Oh my GOD, we're gonna get SUED! RanmaX: Two words: get help. > Jinsaku's Card. He read the new stats. Carapace was Signus: (reading encyclopedia) ...a thick protective shell worn by most insects and some land- or water-living animals... W4: I'll have "multi-syllable words without context" for 400 points, Alex! > now a Lightning/Air/Fire type rated at 450/430. W4: It's a Butter-Pika-char-free...-chu-...izard. > "Did you notice it's noon already? Are you goin' > to keep sleepin' twelve hours a day?" Tyrell asked. RanmaX [Jinsaku]: Well, I usually sleep more after my vodka and painkiller tonic. > "I'm happier when I sleep, okay!? Lay off." He > started to put the Card away before he saw that > the glow hadn't faded the way it normally did. "Oh no. > I think I'm-" W4: ...caught in a crappy fanfic? Charles: ...a clone now? Jonatan: ...falling in love? > His vision started to fade, then came All: Eww. > back a few moments later. "I am really sick of > that..." W4 [Jinsaku]: If Scotty is going to beam me up, just do it already. > Jinsaku stumbled once, then looked up into RanmaX: The sun. Sadly, the light burned out his eyes, rendering him scarred for life. Jonatan: Get a flashlight for your dark world. W4: (sings) The sun is a mass of incandescent gas... > Tyrell's smiling face, and Katsuya's permanently blank > one. RanmaX: Should I even ask what's being suggested? (Everyone shakes their heads.) > "You were given a challenge, right?" Signus: Here, we call in an oblation. Jonatan: Did it include running naked across town, Jin? > "Well, of course!" he snapped. Jonatan: Hee, hee, hee. > "What else would it mean when I fade out?" Jonatan: Acid flashback from the sixties? RanmaX: The writer had sense enough to kill you, thus ending the story? Signus: You wish. > "It could have been Katsuya's schizophrenia turnin' > out to be contagious." RanmaX [Jinsaku]: Nahh...I had the Schizo when I was a kid. > The schizo in question had Jonatan: A gun against Jin's head. This was the last time he'd insult Katsuya... RanmaX: And you accuse me of being dark? > slouched back to his bed, and had his back to the two > Players. Charles: (Singing) You can check their stats! They roll in a fleetwood, that's how they mack! > "Right. Well, it told me I'm taking on some guy > called Chase Campbell at five today." > "CAMPBELL? You are in serious trouble..." W4: And it'll be double! Signus [Tyrell]: He fights with soup! > As much as Jinsaku disliked Tyrell (about as much > as he disliked everyone else), his judgement was > disturbingly accurate when it came to the Game. "How > much trouble exactly?" his narrowed eyes looking as if > they would blow a hole in Tyrell before he could answer. > "Hell, it takes a while to explain that guy. Let's > get somethin' to eat first." They were both shocked Charles: Maybe he should have fixed that live wire on the floor. > when Katsuya got up and went to the door. "Wow... the > zombie walks!" W4: Hey Jon, what do you call a zombie that doesn't work? Jonatan: Um... pass. W4: A corpse. (rimshot, canned laughter) RanmaX: (deadpan) Ha. Funny. Wai. > Katsuya, for once, looked straight at him. "That's > not funny," he mumbled. RanmaX: You're telling me... Charles: I agree. That wasn't a very good joke, Woof. W4: Can't please everyone. Jonatan: Or anyone. > "Uh..." he worked to say something coherent. "...sorry?" Signus [mother]: Sorry isn't good enough, Mister! Wait until your father gets home! Go into your room! > Still trying to overcome his surprise at Katsuya actually > talking to someone, Tyrell went back to the subject. "I'm Charles: ...Actually a walking mannequin. W4: ...Three Giant Squirrles controlling a mechanical Tyrell-Looking body. Sorry for not telling you earlier. > off work today anyway. The horror story about Campbell is Charles: Completely true in every detail. It happened to my uncle's friend's cousin's neighbour... > sorta complicated... so I'd better save it 'til after we've > eaten. RanmaX [Jinsaku]: Of course, so then we vomit afterwards. > I'll be waitin' outside when you're ready to leave." > As Tyrell walked off with Katsuya in tow, RanmaX [trucker]: Well, normally it'd cost ya $45 a mile, but since he's a flat, badly written character, I'll tow for $10... > Jinsaku > thought about how much he hated the way the guy would Signus: Steal his lunch bread every day... > take over everything anyone around him did. W4: (metallic) I am Tyrell of Borg. You will be assimilated. > He had > learned a long time ago that the only way to deal with > him was to just go along with it all. Jonatan: Though the straps did chafe... and the feathers... no, let's not start on the feathers. RanmaX: But Jinsaku was rather fond of chiffon... > His pessimistic imagination was starting to give > him all sorts of disturbing ideas about this goon > Campbell. Whatever the truth was, it couldn't be as bad > as his imagination. Charles: Only if you imagine some WAY twisted things, Jin. > At that thought, he sighed. Who > was he kidding? Of course it could. > > ~=~=~=~=~ > > A short while later, he stepped out of the hotel Jonatan: And he just wanted to sing, sing, SING... Charles: Stop it! There will be no singing while I'm around! > lobby, into yet another grey Seattle day. Before > Tyrell could say anything, Jinsaku asked, "Who's paying? > I don't have any money with me." > "I don't either. But never fear... The Cards will > provide!" > 'Shoot me.' thought Jinsaku. RanmaX: (Overjoyed) OKAY! Signus: Me first! Jonatan: Certainly! Dispatch War Rocket Ajax! Charles: We don't have that one. Jonatan: Damn! (Signus reaches into his jacket pockets.) Signus: Here... Aw, rats. Left them in my other trenchcoat. > "Just trust their luck. They've always given you > what you need to live, right?" RanmaX [Tyrell]: You know... cheap hotels, beer, several verenal diseases, measles... > "Wrong. And I notice you still have to work." > That didn't make a dent in Tyrell. "Well, you're > payin' for two people with yours. And I'm not as > high-ranked as you. Let's just head to that Japanese > place you like. We'll probably come in to some money > on the way." > "...Wish I could just play the lottery and make > myself rich that way. But I still haven't got a good > enough rank to beat twenty-five-million-to-one odds." > Tyrell smiled at the thought. Jonatan: Actually, he was thinking about catgirls again. Signus: Mmmm... Nekojin... > "Just because we're > Players doesn't mean we can push our luck THAT far. > Campbell doesn't have a good enough rank to beat > twenty-five-million-to-one odds. Forget it. > Everyone gets what they deserve in the end." RanmaX: Everyone? (grins evilly at W4) Signus: Yes... everyone. (cracks his knuckles) Jake: (over speakers) Don't even pretend to think you have a chance, monkeyboys. (Signus stiffles his giggling.) Jonatan: What's so funny? Signus: ...Monkeyboys? Heh... > "I was afraid of that." Jonatan: I, on the other hand, am afraid of this. Signus [Victor Borge]: This is a that, and these are all thisses. Thus... > ~=~=~=~=~ > Signus [traffic controller]: Attention. Heavy traffic on Highway 16... > As usual, Tyrell had been right about the Player's > luck. Jinsaku had found thirty dollars on the sidewalk Signus: It was in someone's wallet, but nevertheless on the sidewalk. > before they had headed off to the restaraunt. Even so, > they had still had to restrict themselves to some of > the cheapest things on the menu. Charles: Happy Meals for everyone! Signus: He said "the cheapest." Jonatan: Such as the menu. W4 [Jinsaku]: Yum... greasy paper. > Jinsaku was suddenly struck Signus: ...several times on the back as the owner of the wallet where he got the money from emptied his .44 Magnum rounds. Jonatan [Jinsaku]: Owie! Who did that?! > by the thought of what > their little group would look like to anyone else. > He personally was the worst of the bunch. Signus: No kidding. RanmaX: I don't know. I'd rather hide in a world of techno music than listen to those two. > A skeleton > thin, depressed-looking foreigner, obviously not caring > about his appearance- that reminded him, he'd have to Jonatan: Shave someone. It's a great form of relaxation. Signus: Speaking from experience? Jonatan: Ah, frosh week... (sighs happily) > shave sometime this week- Then there was Katsuya. Dressed RanmaX: You're suggesting the others weren't? Jonatan: They were going to streak, weren't they? > like a slacker, always wearing headphones, and going > through everything he did like a robot. RanmaX: He even danced the robot. > And, finally, Charles: The Rock has returned to Brooklyn! > the one who could pass for normal Jonatan: But didn't, 'cos he DIDN'T WANT TO, so neener neener! Hahaha! >: Tyrell, a big, > eternally smiling black guy with a mechanic's > permanently ground-in dirt on his hands, even though > he smelled like soap even at medium range. > Tyrell, watching the door to the kitchen like a hawk, Charles: So he's circling around in the ceiling? W4 [Tyrell]: I can see my house from here! > spotted their waiter. Jonatan: Where is the waiter, Tyrell? > "It's here!" Jonatan: Good boy, Tyrell. W4: How do you DO that?!? > Jinsaku tried some of his order almost before the > waiter could set the plates down. "Huh. At least they > know how to do a good imitation of the food back home." RanmaX: Ah, the lovely cardboard rice back home. W4: The carbon-copy miso soup. Jonatan: The tasty imitation sushi, made only from the best rubber and oil paints. > Tyrell was watching the waiter leave. "Did you > notice that guy's older than me? That's what I love Jonatan [Tyrell]: Guys older than me! Charles: Nothing like a bit o' Shriveled-Old-Man love to get your day off right! > about this country. Ain't it great that someone with > an anthropology degree," he tapped on his own chest, Jonatan: An anthropomorphic degree? That's a first. Is it cute? Charles: I think they look like Hsein-Ko's ofuda. > "can work in a garage for exactly the same amount of > money as a guy who didn't get through high school?" RanmaX: Wow! I thought you only get a McJob after a degree like in Anthropology... W4: No, that's Philosophy or Medieval Studies. All: Ah. > Miraculously, this observation got a reaction from > Katsuya. "Don't remind me about high school." RanmaX [Katsuya]: I was lead cheerleader... > As Jinsaku wondered how Katsuya could hear through > the headphones, he told Tyrell, "There were some rumors > going around about how he managed to get into such a good > school in the first place." Charles [Jinsaku]: Something about good grades, above average test scores and a good character, but what do they know anyways! > He then remembered the reason > he had come here. "Now, will you hurry up and tell me > about Campbell?" RanmaX [Tyrell]: Well, he's rather condensed, so you'll need water or milk and... Signus: Enough with the soup jokes. > Tyrell finished off his rice before he started into > the story. "Right. I've been lucky enough to only have > one run-in with Chase." Signus [Jinsaku]: And you lived? You call that lucky? W4: Do I detect a hint of bitterness there? Signus: Well, that would make him in-character, though. > "There's no chance of you getting right to the > point, is there?" RanmaX: If he did, this fic would be over. > "Nope! Let's see, it was last year, just before > you got here..." W4 [Tyrell]: You know, when everything went nuts, and that deathmatch you're in was started... > Tyrell parked his junkpile of a car down the street > from the bank. He hated driving the damn thing. Signus [Tyrell]: "Previously owned by a little old lady who only drove on Sundays to church" my butt! > Even > after several repairs, the thing was still Jonatan: Japanese. Sorry, no amount of repairs can fix that. > as clunky > and temperamental as one of the loaners from work. > The moment he shut off the ignition, he blanked. Jonatan: Time for a nap already? W4: No... the theater has auto-censoring. He probably did something we weren't supposed to see. Jonatan: Really? W4: Yeah... let me demonstrate. (as Tyrell) This blanking piece of blank motherblanking car! I'm going to find me a blank and blank until... (W4 gets flattened by RanmaX's combat spatula.) W4: (in a crumpled mass) ...you get the point. > The Cards informed him that he was going to Jonatan: Meet a tall, dark stranger... > challenge > someone named Chase Campbell at eight tonight. > He wasn't > too happy about that. Charles [Tyrell]: I'll miss Jeopardy! Oh no! > Win or lose (usually lose), it > was just one step closer to eventually losing for good. W4: Better than losing for evil... > Though he didn't particularly mind having Jonatan: His back shaven by a circus midget. Others: BAD IMAGE! > chanced into > the Game in the first place, he had no illusions about > the odds of his winning in the end. Signus: (takes out a notebook) Place your bets, gentlemen! The odds are... Tyrell, 1... Campbell, 100! W4: I'll bet on Gryphon; he always wins these things. Charles: (looks blankly at W4) Woof, this ISN'T "Warrior's Legacy." W4: ...oops. My bad. > Putting those thoughts aside, he went W4: What, right there? Eww. > into the bank > to cash what his boss tried to pass off as a paycheck. Jonatan [Tyrell]: I hope it's a paycheck. The rubber chicken I got last month had me fooled for a while. > The run of luck he'd been having since becoming a Player > had taken some of the pressure off at his underpaying > job, but he was still nowhere near being able to get > everything he wanted. Signus: Yup, he would have to become a Chippendale dancer again. Others: AGH! ANOTHER BAD IMAGE! > Then again, he thought > philosophically, no one could do that. RanmaX: Make sense of this fic? For once, I agree. > When he went inside, he saw that everyone was being > careful to stay out of the way of a short, thickly-built > dark-haired guy with a pair of bodyguards looming next > to him. W4: Gimli's gone up in the world. > Tyrell instantly sensed the guy was a Player, > and from the way he had looked over, he had Jonatan: Some grey Poupon. W4: Jock itch. > definitely > noticed Tyrell. > A nagging sense of familiarity came over Tyrell until > he realized where he had seen the guy before. When the > memory came, Jonatan: This fic is getting increasingly more ecchi... Charles: You're strangely coherent for a drunken person. Jonatan: It's a knack. > he could hardly believe he hadn't made the > connection. THIS was Chase Campbell, founder of Campbell > Security Systems and familiar face on the eleven o' clock > news, Signus: Under headlines such as "Victim of Involuntary Pantsing." Charles: And "Leading Contributor of Methane in The Tri-State Area." > as various prosecutors tried to connect him to > "unexplained incidents". Signus [Prosecutors]: This is the man who flooded downtown with chunky clam chowder! RanmaX: I thought we agreed on no more soup jokes! > Intending to get to know his opponent Jonatan: Really getting to know him, eh? Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more? (grins) Charles: Ranma X, if you'd be so kind... (Ranma X nods, pulls out his combat spatula and flattens Jonatan.) Charles: Many thanks. > before the > battle, Tyrell walked over and introduced himself. > "Hey, I'm Tyrell Morgan-" RanmaX [Tyrell]: -and I'm a compulsive player. Others: Hi, Tyrell Morgan! > One of the goons immediately stepped between him > and Campbell. Campbell pushed the guy aside. "Stand > aside, Dean. Mr. Morgan and I need to talk for a second." > The goons immediately moved out of the way. W4: INTENSE MOVING ACTION! > "I see you're > not the type to be easily intimidated." W4: I see you're not the type to be easily assimilated. Charles: I see you're not the type to be easily infatuated. Signus: I see you're not the type to be easily assassinated. RanmaX: I see you're not the type to be easily inebriated. Jonatan: I am. ^_^ > "Never have been. Never been the type that backs > down, either." > "Good. I'm harder to match than you might think. Signus [Campbell]: I mean, I've checked the personal ads, been set on blind dates from my friends and even tried searching online. But I just can't get a date for the life of me. > I'll be ready and waiting." Campbell cracked his knuckles, > offered Tyrell his hand and smiled disturbingly. W4: Oh Lina-kamisama. Campbell's snapped... RanmaX: Spilling tomato-soup flavored blood everywhere... Signus [Campbell]: Take it... eat it... a gift of my own... he he he... > Tyrell took the proffered hand. "You better be ready," Jonathan: I just gave you a stink-palm. W4: Eww... > Tyrell stated, his voice not giving any indication that he > noticed Campbell was trying to squash his hand into pulp. > After a moment, Campbell's smile became strained and > sweat started beading on his forehead. Tyrell waited > another second, then let him have his hand back. With a > snarl, Campbell gathered up his security guys Signus: And attacked Tyrell, beating him into oblivion and stealing all his cards. > and left the > bank. Tyrell noticed him surruptitiously wipe his right hand > off on his pants leg. RanmaX: So when did the severed hand end up on his leg? Jonatan: Maybe it was trying to climb back up. Charles [Tyrell]: Well, I'm certainly not opening up an account THERE! > After seeing that, Tyrell idly wished Jonatan: Make a wish upon a star... Charles: (clicks his heels together) There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home... Damn. Nothing happened. > he had brought a tire iron or something to use as a head > cracker on the head cracker. > The rest of the day was a blur of anticipation. > Campbell had a bad reputation, > and though Tyrell had an almost > Zen-like total acceptance of everything, the thought of > having to take on Campbell was getting him tense. (Jonatan starts laughing madly.) W4: I'm warning you... (Ranma X waves his combat spatula over Jonatan's head. Jonatan pipes down slightly.) > After > parking on Campbell's block, he checked his watch. 7:46. Charles: Campbell 7:46 says I just shook your hand! > Just enough time. He stepped out of his car, remembering to > set his alarm (though it wasn't like anybody who lived in a > big-money neighborhood like Campbell's would bother to steal > his piece of junk RanmaX: Maybe they'd do it just to spite him. >), and went round the block to the one way > in through Campbell's fence. He was slightly > surprised to find Jonatan: Jimmy Hoffa in a vat of M&M. > that the gate was still locked, and that the security > booth was manned. Charles: How unethical. That booth should be womanned as well. W4: AUGH! Puns! (W4 bangs his head against the back of his chair. RanmaX and Signus share a conspiratorial grin.) > Campbell did have a reputation for being > paranoid, though. W4: He had a burglar alarm on his garbage can. > He told the first of the guards on duty, "Open up. > Chase's expecting me." > "Sorry. Mr. Campbell said we're not supposed to W4: Throw live weasels at beauty pageants. Damn that party pooper! > unlock the gate for anyone tonight." > "I'm expected. I have to be there at eight." > The CSS guy looked at him over the top edge of his > sunglasses. "No one is being let in. Didn'tcha > hear me the first time, pinhead?" > Tyrell couldn't believe this. Maybe Campbell just > hadn't remembered to inform the guards at the gate. When > Tyrell noticed that there were only three minutes left > till eight, he quickly said, "Look, just call Campbell > and tell him I'm here." Signus [Guard]: Okay. (calls up) I'm here. RanmaX [Tyrell]: That's not what I meant, and you know it! > The guard sighed. "Alright..." > After a moment on the phone, the guard set down the > phone and smirked. "Mr. Campbell says, 'Haven't you > figured it out yet, sucker?' And there's one more > thing he said I should give you." It turned out to be The > Finger. W4: Oh God, more severed body parts. This is sick. Charles: Nonono... it's a living organism like "Thing," "The Fly," or "The They." > After carefully thinking out his course of action, Jonatan: No, he's thinking about catgirls again. W4: What is it with you and catgirls? Jonatan: ^_^ Signus: (sighs) Felicia-chan... > Tyrell gut-punched the guy. This ended up with > him being pummelled a few times and quickly kicked off > the premises. > Campbell watched the scene from his office window. > Another easy win by forfeit. He would get Morgan's weakest > Card automatically when time ran out... which would be right > about... Jonatan: Okay, everyone! Hide behind your seats! Others: What the... Jonatan: GOSH DARN IT, JUST DO IT! (All hide behind their seats.) > now. (Jonatan leaps up from behind his seat.) Jonatan: SURPRISE! (sings) Happy birthday to you! Happy birth- (The others gang up on him, beat him a bit and tie him to his seat.) RanmaX: And you'll stay tied up until there are traces of blood in your alcohol stream! > With a weak flicker, a Card appeared in the air in front > of him. He grabbed for it as if someone was going to > materialize out of the walls and take it (his street > instincts coming back) and checked the stats. It was even > lower than he had expected. Even if Morgan had somehow > reached him, he would have been no trouble at all to beat. > Of course, if a Player who was tough enough to be dangerous > got the upper hand, all he had to do was switch Signus: To decaf. Then they'd fall asleep and he could run laughing into the night with their cards... > to one of > the crappy Cards he didn't care about, and lose that. He had > known this was survival of the fittest as soon as he stole > his first Cards, and was sure as hell going to prove he was > the fittest there was. RanmaX: Read: Cheapest. W4: Okay... someone explain this to me... this is all about... cards? Jonatan: They're the next evolutionary step in Pokemon card collectors! > "So, he never actually fights and gets wins by forced > forfeits. Why couldn't you just say that in the > beginning?" Charles: Because then the fic would be much shorter. Signus: And that is bad... how? > "It was about time I told someone that story. Jonatan [Tyrell]: I wanted to see if it still could make people fall asleep on the spot. > And it's > not like it could make YOU any more depressed. Charles [Jinsaku]: Really? Well, you were wrong. Bye. (mimics gunshot, followed by a soft thud) > I found > out a couple more things about him later: he was a small time > crook before he was a Player, and- this is the big one- nobody > heard of him til a couple of years after the Game started." > "Hmmm. That is weird. Wait, how are we going to get to > him now?" W4: Oh, that's easy. Ghostwrite a crappy Ultra chapter and slap his name on it. There won't be enough of him to bury. (The others just stare at W4.) Signus: My GOD. You ARE an evil mad scientist. > "Oh... I've got a way." An infuriating smile followed > that statement. Signus [David Attenborough]: Here we see the wild statement in its native habitat, as it is being stalked by a predatory infuriating smile... > "And there's not a chance you're goint to tell me what > it is." > "Right again! You're really on a roll today." Jonatan: That explains why his pants smell of cinnamon. > The definitely non-Japanese waiter returned. "Your > check." RanmaX [French Waiter]: I hope ze miso zoup was to your likeeng, monsieur. > Tyrell started to count the money out, then looked at > the numbers a second time. "Uh oh. Check this out, Jin." W4 [Tyrell]: It's a sixty-year old man... wearing a thong. Others: Urgh... Jonatan: Hey! Why isn't someone tying HIM up? Charles: He's not drunk? Jonatan: ...that works. > "WHAT?! This is ten dollars more than it was supposed > to be! We don't have that!" > "Sorry," the waiter began, "but there's a misprint on > the menu. Signus: Maybe they fuzzed the numbers when they tried to eat the menu. > It's clearl-" > Jinsaku flew out of his seat and into a rage, two > languages worth of swear words tripping over each other. > "You damn... chikusho... mother-" > As Tyrell slowly backed away from the scene, he tapped > Katsuya on the shoulder. "I say we go out Signus [Katsuya] Oh, you're just trying to get me into bed. > the back while > Jinsaku reasons with the staff." Katsuya shrugged and > followed him out. All: Ha. Haha. Ha. Signus: Funny. Chalres: Wahh Wahh Waaaaaaah... > ~=~=~=~=~= RanmaX: And it's neck and neck! And the = team reach the finish line! > > Several minutes later, Jinsaku stormed out of the > restaurant, homicidal fury showing in his eyes. "That was > really funny, leaving me in there to deal with them on my > own... especially when YOU had all the cash!" > The infuriating smile returned. "You were being so > diplomatic in there that I knew you could handle it." > Jinsaku flexed his hands in the strangle position, > and as he did whenever he talked to Tyrell, contemplated a > murder/suicide. "You're not getting out of this Charles [Jinsaku]: This time, I'm tying lead weights to your ankles before I throw you in the river. > by doing your > reasonable bit this time." > "Naw, I'm getting out of it by reminding you that you have > something way more important to worry about. Signus [Jinsaku]: And what would that be? RanmaX [Tyrell]: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Signus [Jinsaku]: ...um... (counts fingers) > We've gotta get a > good look at Campbell's new place before we try my idea. W4: They're going to enter in a pizza box! Geniuses! > I > can't get us in if we get caught doing it." > As Jinsaku's fury slowly went away, he thought about how > much he wanted out of the Game, and wondered whether the > easier way would be dumping his Cards in a garbage disposal > or stepping in front of a bus. Of course, he had tried both > before and they hadn't worked. Charles: The poor fool got confused and put a garbage disposal in front of a bus. RanmaX: "If this bus goes below 50 mph, it will- WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!?" > After dealing with insane amounts of traffic on the way, > they got a chance to cruise around the mansion slowly enough to > get a good look at the security. "Bigger than his last place. > More goons, too, but since they're staying in the grounds, Jonatan: The M&Ms weren't enough. Now he's placing his security guards in a coffee can. W4: Welcome to the world of the rich and deranged. Signus: You're halfway there, Woof. > they'll be no problem," Tyrell stated smoothly. > "Good. Now HOW ARE WE GETTING PAST THEM?!?!" > Tyrell got that look he did when he knew he shouldn't > say something, but was going to anyway. "Heh... sore wa > himitsUUMPH!" Jonatan: (about to take a sip from a bottle) Damn, he interrupted. W4: Huh? How did you get untied? Jonatan: I ate the ropes! W4: WE USED STEEL CHAINS! Jonatan: Needed catsup. (burps) > he ended as Jinsaku's elbow buried itself in > his gut. > "I don't need comic relief, jerk." > "You know how much more bitter you'd be if I never > tried jokin' around? If you're in on a cosmic joke, the > only thing you can be is a jester. The best jesters can > get people like you to think... like where Jonatan: Do they make the best coffee? Signus: Do little babies come from? Charles: In the world is Carmen Sandiego? > would > you be if you hadn't turned out to be a player?" W4 [Jinsaku]: Well, I wouldn't be talking to idiots like you for one... > "Out of college, working for a Very Big Company and > making 15 million yen a year, that's where," Jinsaku > retorted. "You just had to bring that up again, didn't you?" > Jinsaku hated it when something got him thinking about > home again. He could feel his carefully suppressed memories > come flooding back... RanmaX: OH My GOD! Tsunami!!! W4: Relax. It's just a cheap flashback. RanmaX: Oh. Charles [Young Jinsaku]: Mommy! What are you and Uncle Phil doing in bed?!? Signus: (eyetwitch) That Phil had better not be the one with the Ursine Avatar... Jonatan: Wouldn't surprise me. Furboy's a card-carrying hentai, after all... > His last year of college had been pure hell. W4: Their teacher, Ms. Baalzebub, had popquizzes every day, and they had to write a ten-page essay titled "What I did in Purgatory." > The > work was no problem, Jinsaku being brilliant and all. > What was the problem was the number of challenges he > had run into since coming here. Back home, there had > hardly been any Players, and he had once managed to go > six months without Jonatan: Bathing? Charles: A date? W4: Pants? Signus: Breathing? > a battle. Here, he was meeting > challengers constantly, and worse, some of them were W4: Mimes. Signus: (shivering) Don't go there. > close to being knocked out of the Game entirely. He > was never going to do that to anyone if there was any > way to avoid it. The few other solutions he had come > up with had failed miserably, so he had settled on his > last resort: W4 [Jinsaku]: I never wanted to be a Player. I wanted to be... a LUMBERJACK! Charles: I will pay you to not sing. Jonatan: (chuckles) Hee hee hee... Charles: He's up to something... Ranma X? Ranma X: Sure. (pounds Jonatan) Jonatan: Itai... @_@ > leaving Japan. > Now he just had to deal with the complication of his > pathetically bad English. RanmaX: Deal with the complication of pathetically bad English? Most AMERICANS never bother; why should he? > Abe Katsuya, who was two years and a lot of good > marks behind him, stared at him in disbelief. Jonatan [Katsuya]: I can't believe it's not butter! > "You're > planning what?" > "I'm leaving for the States. I can't take it here > anymore." Jonatan [Jinsaku]: It's just too boring. Over in America, they know methods involving feathers... > "And why do you think I would want to go along?!?" > "It's obvious! You hate it here more than I ever > did. The only reason you've been here this long is > because you're scared of what would happen if you W4: Ate pop rocks and drank soda at the same time. > tried to leave. If you went to the States they'd > never be able to do anything about it. And... I can't > go without a translator, anyway." > Katsuya poked the much thinner and lighter > upperclassman in the chest. RanmaX: We've secretly replaced Jinsaku with Folgers Crystals. Let's see if his friend notices. > "So that's your real > reason? You almost had me convinced until then." > Jinsaku remembered a saying about desperate times. > "You want my real reason? Then watch real close!" He > got out his Cards, there was the *FLASH*, and Katsuya > was left staring at the Minion that had appeared right > in front of his eyes. > He was never the same again. RanmaX: Not after he purchased that big-screen TV... Jonatan: He was now John Lennon. W4: I'd say... being flashed by a minion is not a pleasant sight. Signus: Unless it's... (sighs) ...Felicia... > "Then when we got here, somebody said something to > me, and I understood it... Jonatan [Jinsaku]: Although I still don't understand why he wondered if I was a servant of the Great Ambiguous Eel... > the first thing I did was yell > at my Cards 'Why the hell didn't you say you could make > me understand English?!?' and what I got was Jonatan: Outlook hazy, try again later... W4: 404 file not found? > 'You never asked.'" Charles [card]: Jeez, you act as if you never talked to inanimate objects before. Jonatan: Talk to the card, 'cuz the Player's not listening! > With a small shock Jinsaku realized he had Jonatan: A lousy haircut. > been telling the story out loud. > "Hey, you knew that there would be consequences RanmaX [Tyrell]: Setting fire to mimes is illegal here, you know. Signus: Unfortunately. > if > you let an outsider know about the Game. It's YOUR fault > he's this way, so you blame yourself and hate him > because you blame yourself. I understand." Jonatan: (sarcastically) THANK you, Dr. Freud. W4: You're not fooling us, Tyrell. We can see the inflatable psychiatrist you have there. > And that was the hell of it. He really did > understand. Even though he knew Jinsaku was right to > think it was his own fault. Jonatan: Newsflash... All: IT WAS! > ~=~=~=~=~ > > After going off and wasting the next few hours Charles: Surfing for netporn. Signus: Throwing wet prunes at old ladies. Jonatan: Drinking himself sober. > trying > to focus on the upcoming battle (though it ended up being > the usual long adrenaline scream for Jinsaku), All: What the hell? (Jonatan does a very weak flasetto scream for a few seconds.) Jonatan: (coughs) My throat... > they left Charles: Those lucky bastards... > the car several blocks from Campbell's, just in case someone > was watching. Tyrell led them through a maze of little side > streets, avoiding any residents who might notice. W4: And trying to make a beeline for the power pellets before Blinky and Pinky rounded the corner. Jonatan: Not to mention the madmen with the nailguns and rocket launchers. Charles: Before Tyrell could get to the flag, though, he was burnt by a Pyro, and infected by an enemy medic, inadvertently teamkilling Jinsaku and his Magic Card. > They stopped in an overgrown park that had branches > blocking every way to see out... or in. "Alright, > you've been keeping me in the dark all this time, Morgan. Jonatan [Jinsaku]: Don't you know I need at least eight hours of sunlight to maintain my photosynthesis? > Now, how are we going to get through what Campbell's got?" W4 [Tyrell]: Simple. We're going to use... SPAM! All: (sings) Spam spam spam, spammeti spam spam spam, oh spam... > Tyrell held up one of his Cards between two > fingers. "We don't go through it; we go UNDER it!" Jonatan [Tyrell]: You see, we stick these cards underneath our fingernails, and then... > ~=~=~=~=~ > Secure in his mansion's office, Chase Campbell > set down the last wad of paperwork for that day. Charles [Campbell]: Hmm... 'Carpenter's best friend'... six letters... H-A-M-M-E-R. Jonathan [Campbell, writing]: Dear Penthouse forum, I never thought this would happen to me, but... > Despite the fact that he wasn't a particularly > large guy, and wore a respectable business suit, he > still radiated a sense of being dangerous. Signus: So's your typical Darwin Award recipient. What's your point? W4: That should teach him not to go swimming outside the nuclear power plant. > The sort > of person who would pick someone up and break them > into pieces just for the fun of it. And the sense > was probably right. All [Spiderman]: Campbell sense tingling! > Campbell called his secretary on the intercom. > "Has there been any sign of those visitors that I told > security to watch out for?" > "Not a sign, sir." 'That's strange. Normally they > never risk waiting until the deadline is so close.' Jonatan: Tell that to the writers I preread for. > he > thought. The secretary went on, "Security has reported > one strange thing, sir. Charles [Secretary]: I'm pretty sure the south wall shouldn't be made of Jell-O, sir. >Slight tremors in the ground." > "Tremors? I haven't noticed... wait, I think I Signus [Campbell]: I saw that movie once. It really sucked. > feel one now. And..." letting go of the intercom button Signus: The button gives him an increased sense of security. RanmaX: Yeah, but he'll have to let go sooner or later. > so the secretary wouldn't hear, "I could swear I smell... Charles [Campbell] Eww. Oh, sorry. Too much Mexican last night. Jonatan: Have you been digging in the trash AGAIN, Camp? > scorched metal?" > He dropped the intercom with an expression of > shock when the floor next to one of the walls buckled > and a blunt metal blade, glowing red hot, Jonatan: Chili Peppers. > punched > through. What he knew was an Earth-type Minion > crawled out, followed by three people, one of whom he > recognized. Charles: (gruff voice) Avon calling, you son of a bitch! RanmaX: Three? So they dragged along the techno guy for NO APPARENT REASON!? Charles: You never know when you'll need a loner with no apparent useful skills when you're dealing with an evil businessman. > "Morgan. So, you're a friend of the punk who's > going to lose to me." Jonatan [Tyrell, confused]: No, I'm a friend of Jinsaku here. Who's the punk you're talking about? > Ignoring him, Tyrell held out his Minion's > Card. > "Okay, Burrower, get back in here." After the Minion > faded, Charles: Tyrell lived a bleak, lonely life. He'd never forget the Minion who had stormed into his life all that time ago and turned his world upside down... Jonatan: (wipes away a tear) That's so sad, man... > Tyrell backed away, leaning against the wall with > a smug smile. "I'm staying out of this one, Campbell." RanmaX: I just KNOW that this twerp owns a copy of "Acting Like Xelloss for Dummies." Charles: (Reading) "Chapter One... How to throw in a catch phrase at every Goddamn opportunity." > Jinsaku turned his concrete-cracking glare on W4: Then the foundation and frames of the house were destroyed, and they were all killed... > Campbell. "I'm not about to lose to you. I've had > twelve matches with only two losses in all this time." > "Oh, twelve. Well, I'm SO impressed. You're > talking to man with nine cards," Campbell snorted. Singus: (snickers evilly) Would that mean that he's not playing with a full deck? W4: (holds head) Augh! Not puns! RanmaX: (snickers evilly) You could say that he's a real paper tiger, eh, Woof? W4: AUGH! Charles: It's okay. He might not know Jack, but he has an Ace up his sleeve. W4: Stop it! Jonatan: Yeah, guys! Have a heart! Or a club! Or a diam- (W4 curls up into the fetal position.) > "If that's all you have, I'll go easy on you- for a > little while. I'll start with my second-most powerful RanmaX: Pokemon. > Minion." RanmaX: Same thing. > "Like I care. Use whatever you've got. I can take you Jonatan [Jinsaku]: But we'll need a bowl of jello, three lengths of rope, and some cloth pegs... (W4 just... STARES... at Jonatan.) Jonatan: (giggles) This is fun! > down with my second-best also." Of course, Jinsaku's second-best > was also his favorite, and the one he was best at using. He > rarely resorted to bringing out his most powerful Minion. Charles: (imitating alarm) Whoop! Whoop! Plot point dead ahead, Captain! Signus: No kidding. I could see it approaching a mile away. W4: You didn't spot it, Jon? Jonatan: No, I was thinking about catgirls again. > Tyrell walked to the other side of the room > to keep himself well out of the line of fire, then > dragged over Katsuya, who was off in his own little > world as usual. RanmaX: (signing) Dream... a little dream... in my little corner of the world... W4: Here in on the planet of Katsuya, be sure to visit the Katsuya Falls in Katsuya Mountains, a day's travel from Katsuya City. > Jinsaku got out his suddenly-pathetic-seeming deck > of four Cards. He held out his favorite, the Ice/Water > mix. "Okay, Aquazor, waste him." Charles: A... W4: ...qua... Jonatan: ....zor? (All start laughing.) > In a flash of magic, Jonatan: (sings) FLASH! AAA! Savior of the universe! > the monstrous thing appeared a few feet in front of > Jinsaku. It looked to be made of chunks of ice pressed > together, stood about six feet high, had four legs > jointed like a bug's, a vaguely egg-shaped torso with > an almost unnoticable little turret of a head, and Signus: A creamy center. > completely mismatched arms, the right being massive and > short, and the other being thin as a sword blade. > Campbell was looking at the back of one of his > own Cards, with a superior expression. "750/950. (Signus clamps down on Jonatan's mouth.) RanmaX: What's that for? Signus: I just KNOW he's going to do a bra riff. (pulls his hand back) Ow! You bit me! Jonatan: (sourly) Getcher filthy hands off me. You think I'm some sort of Happosai wannabe? Signus: Well... Jonatan: (cheerfully again) Besides, it's not the size that counts. It's what's in it! ^_^ Signus: AAARGH! > Better than I thought you'd have. But you're still > doomed," he stated off-handedly. "Dread Machine." RanmaX [Campbell]: Oops. I actually brought out 'Bread' Machine by accident. Charles [Campbell]: Make the best of it. Flaky Crust Attack! > Another flash, and Campbell's Minion loomed in > the center of the room. It was less monstrous than > Aquazor, looking like an angular robot coated in a > layer of red clay. Naked metal gleamed on its forearms, Charles: Going to cover Jonatan's mouth again, Signus? Signus: Nah, I think we've breached our "Crow Syndrome" limit for this fic. Jonatan: Huh. Nothing alluring about THOSE forearms. > which were tipped with paired claws that could most > easily be compared to railroad spikes. Jonatan: So they were stubby, rusty, and stuck in heavy boards? > Jinsaku looked at its stats on the back of > Aquazor's Card. Though he didn't show it, he nearly > had a heart attack when he saw that thing's ratings. Jonatan: PG-13. > Defense/attack rated at 1360/1040. A physical powerhouse, > able to take even more damage than it could dish out. > Even scarier, though, was the type: Earth/Blood. Blood was even > rarer than Darkness or Light, and he had never had to > take on a Blood type before. After a tense moment, his > resolve came back. He had never given up before- > at least not in battle- and he wasn't about to start now. > "Aquazor, Washout." Even though it was totally Charles: Out of character... > pointless Charles: That too. > for him to announce the attack, due to his > mental connection to his card, he was one of the Players > still in the habit of doing it. Jonatan: Which could really get to be embarassing at parties. Charles [Jinsaku]: Aquazor, open can of peanuts. > Cracks opened in Aquazor's chest, and a huge flood > of water with sharp lumps of ice mixed in poured out, Jonatan [Jinsaku]: Damn, it blew a valve again! Time to take it back to Honest Jim's Minion Repair Shop... AGAIN. > slamming into Campbell's Minion, which hadn't even > bothered to move, then the wall behind it. Jinsaku > looked at how much damage his best special attack had > done. Charles: Specials max out at 15%. > He went wide-eyed. RanmaX: It's standard for anime characters. > 50. Jonatan: HIKE! > Goddamn. > Points. > Of. > Damage. RanmaX: Yeah. Brain Damage... > This was going to be a long, painful, ugly, > fight. W4: Jinsaku knew he'd have to resort to taunting. Jonatan [Jinsaku]: OOSHA! RanmaX [Campbell]: I know you are, but what am I? > And that was if Campbell didn't start switching > Minions. Jonatan: I didn't know his minions were into that stuff... Signus: I thought... forget it. > Campbell sat down behind his desk, seemingly > even more condescending than before. "You > know how much that oak paneling cost me, punk?" > He was sick of having to deal with the property damage > from his battles. There were times he considered having his Jonatan: Car turned into a giant transforming mecha. Charles: Do you even think about what you say? Jonatan: What makes you think I even think? Charles: You should think, but I don't think you think about what you think? Jonatan: But if you think I don't think about thinking what I think I think, then I don't think you can think of how I think, don'tcha think? Charles: ...uh... Jonatan: I win. ^_^ W4: This scene shamelessly stolen from the Multimediocre Knight. We expect a lawsuit tomorrow. Charles: How do you know we can expect a lawsuit? (A package lands in W4's lap and explodes, covering him in Kraft(tm) cheese.) W4: Call it a hunch. > opponents arrested after the fights, but his Cards wouldn't > let him... He then realized he'd better not get distracted. > "Berserk Claw." Dread Machine rushed forward, faster than > anything made of that much metal had a right to be, Jonatan: Do Minions even have rights? W4: They have the right to look stupid. Also, their ridiculous names can and will be used against them in a court of law. > and tore > into Aquazor with a series of slashes. Chunks of ice > went flying, leaving huge gashes across what passed > for Aquazor's head. Its left arm was torn loose > entirely before Jinsaku had the time to think of a > counterattack. Charles [Jinsaku]: Piddle on his leg! Jonatan [Jinsaku]: Start with the "Yo' mama" jokes! > 'Ice Hammer!' he thought desperately. Aquazor's > right arm changed shape, turning into a > thick sledgehammer that, with a sort of crunch/clang, > smashed into the center of the Machine's chest and > sent it sliding on its back halfway across the room. > He checked Machine's stats. "Just great. Down by > another 60." Warily checking his own Minion's > stats, he saw that Campbell's one attack had > already done over 100 damage. 'Okay, it's going to be > a SHORT, painful, and ugly fight.' > Despite the unbelievable tension he was feeling, Jonatan: This one is far too simple. > Jinsaku couldn't help making the same observation about > himself that he always did when he was in battle: Jonatan: He had a booger on his finger. > as > much as he hated being a Player, when he was actually > in a fight, he... it wasn't "wanted to live," exactly, > but more... forgot that he didn't. W4: Okay, so why weren't we told earlier that Jinsaku was an undead? Charles: It happened after Techno-Zombie-Guy bit him. > He considered his options, and came up with a > blank. He could always switch to Shade. It was a > Darkness/Light type, Charles: A Goth minion. Go figure. > and its stats would outmatch > Dread Machine... no, he hated using Shade. It Jonatan: Smelt of makeup... and it kept writing bad poetry. > always made > things too easy... but here and now, it still > wouldn't be enough. > > To be continued (if this Impro catches on)... (Jonatan hums the theme to "Back to the Future.") > ______________________________ > Author's note: Amazing what I got out of reading one > untranslated installment of YU-GI-OH! isn't it? W4: So THAT'S what "Pokemon" is called in Japan. Charles: It actually means "cheap marketing ploy that brings in lots of moolah from millions of children and gullible fools". > You might be (but probably aren't) thinking "Serious > Impros don't do so well. Why'd he write one?" Well, RanmaX [Author]: I'm not really sure. W4 [Author]: The voices told me to. It was either this or shave the cat. Jonatan [Author]: My neighbour threatened to take off her clothes if I didn't. Charles [Author]: This is part of my ongoing war agoinst Human Sensibilities. > it's not a serious Impro, it's a serious story arc. Signus: Joan of Arc? Jonatan: The Arc of the Covenant? W4: Noah's Arc? > See, this story is meant to go in short arcs, > focusing on one Player for a few chapters, then going > on to another one. There are thousands of these > guys, so why limit yourself? The arc style also has the > advantage that if anyone introduces Cthulhu cultists or some > crap like that, all the good writers will have to do is > end that arc, and focus on somebody on the other side of > the planet. Signus [Cthulhu cultist]: And wE shAll brIng fOrth An ErA Of... hEy! whErE Is EvErybOdy gOIng? RanmaX ["Beware the Radish" admin]: Your screentime is up. The story is now going to focus on a twelve-year-old with a slight overbite. Signus [Cthulhu cultist]: dAmn It! Charles [12-Year-Old]: High! Eye'm BiFF! Nice 2 MeaT U! > Oh yeah, C&C (heh, yeah right) should go to > neovid@hotmail.com. > -=-=- > High Stakes: Rules of the Game and Character Guide Charles: Finally. We get to understand what the hell those fractions meant. > (This has spoilers. Loads of them. Read the story first if you > don't want to wreck your fun. (All laugh hysterically.) > In fact, you probably shouldn't read this > unless you plan to write for the series.) Jonatan: Okay! Let's go! (Jonatan runs towards the doors, then runs INTO them. He bounces off of them, muttering.) > Table of Contents: > > 1 - Terms > 2 - The Cards > 3 - The Elements > 4 - Fusing Cards > 5 - Ranking > 6 - Challenges > 7 - Player's Luck > 8 - Battles RanmaX: 2 - cartons of milk W4: 1 - dozen eggs Jonatan: (singing) And a partridge in a pear tree! > 1 - Terms: > All terms connected with the Game (such as the word Game right > there) are capitalized. Most of the terms are self-explanatory. > Anyone in possession of at least one Card is a Player, and is > part of the worldwide Game. Each Card holds a Minion, which is > a unique monster that can only be summoned by its Player. Jonatan: Most players live in Houses, eat three Meals a day, and have no Social Life. > 2 - The Cards: > The origin of the Cards, as well as how some people were chosen > to become Players, is still a mystery (in other words, it's being left up to > future writers). The Cards obviously > contain powerful magic and seem to be linked to each other. > They also can give information to their Players, but whether > the Cards have minds of their own is a matter of some debate. Charles: The same goes for the Players. > Cards also have a permanent mental connection to their Player... > read the Battles section for the consequences of this. > > 3 - The Elements: RanmaX [Tom Lerher]: There's Hydrogen and Helium, Lithium, Beryllium... Jonatan: Earth, air, fire, water, void, negativity, peppermint, metal, wood, deadlines... um... > Minions can be any combination of these Elements: Fire, Air, > Water, Ice, Earth, Lightning, Darkness, Light, and the two > Elements that are outside of the relationships with the other > Elements: Poison and Blood. Jonatan: And Hanson. > ELEMENT WEAK AGAINST Charles [Puritan Lady]: I crusade against prostitution, gambling, and alcohol, or as you tribals call it, > Fire Water, Jonathan [Tribal]: We call it alcohol, too, Ma'am. > Earth, Light > Air Fire, Lightning, Darkness > Water Ice, Lightning, Darkness > Ice Fire, Earth, Light > Earth Air, Water, Darkness > Lightning Earth, Fire, Darkness > Darkness Fire, Lightning, Light > Light Ice, Air, Darkness RanmaX: Also of note: all the aforementioned elements are weak against stupidity. > (As you can see, Darkness and Light are sometimes weak against Jonatan: Pop music. > Elements that are also weak against them. This results in > both doing extremely high damage to each other.) > > Poison and Blood are both strong against every other Element, > but when fused with other Elements, Poison is weakened, while > Blood is strengthened. W4 [Author]: I don't have an explanation for it. It's just the way it is. > 4 - Fusing Cards: > The only way to gain in Rank is by fusing Cards, won from losing > Players, with your own. The fused Card's stats are added to the > stronger Card. The stat balance of the Card is changed > depending on the relationship of the Elements fused. Neutral > Elements will leave the balance unchanged. Fusing opposing > Elements will result in a Card with low life, high attack. > Fusing complementary Elements will result in a Card with high > life and low attack. Signus: But Fusing a Card to your Forehead using Superglue will only result in making the Player look Silly. > 5 - Ranking: > Rank is determined very simply. Add up the complete stats > of all of a Player's Cards, Jonatan: Multiply with your number of toes. W4: Add today's special at Bob's Burger Barn. Charles: Divide by the number of Greek Dieties you can remember at the moment. > compare that to the other > Players, and you've got your Rank. At the start of > chapter 1, the average Rank was a total of about 5,000. > > 6 - Challenges: > Players are assigned challenges by their Cards. Charles: They're bossed around... by cards. Signus: Pet humans! Yay! ^_^ Jonatan: Remember, Camp's cards wouldn't let him arrest people. Boy, are they whipped. > Both Players > in the challenge are informed, with the lower-ranked Player > having to seek out the higher-ranked. Failing to meet a > challenge in time means a loss by forfeit for the lower-ranked > Player, automatically giving his lowest-rated Card to the other > Player. Players can challenge each other if they want. (Fair? > Of course it's not fair. You think this is supposed to be fair > because...?) > > 7 - Player's Luck: > The Cards have the effect of twisting probability for their holders. This > causes Players to be much luckier than normal people. The Luck is generally > good, but not always. The strength of the luck is determined by the > Player's Rank. This results in a lot of speculation Jonatan: Mainly among the players in Las Vegas. > about what will happen to the champion of the Game. And don't forget, the > luck does NOT apply to the Game itself, only to the rest of a Player's life. Signus: Hey! I found a ten-leaf clover! Oh, wait. I'm dead because of a stupid card game! W4: I think Ranma X is rubbing off on you... > > 8 - Battles: > Minions are controlled telepathically by their Players, linked by physical > contact with the Minion's Card. Jonatan: Explaining why Minion lemon authors always look like they've just been beaten up. > Only two Minions can battle at a time. No > outside interference is allowed. W4: Having extra minions sneaking up with metal folding chairs is a no-no. > The Cards will not let the rules be > broken, and things will get very ugly for anyone who tries to do it anyway. Jonatan: They are forced on a date with Roseanne. > A challenge is lost when one Player's Minion is completely drained of > energy. That Minion's Card goes to the winning Player. The consequence of > a Player losing all of his > Cards is... death, which is why this series lives up to its > name. RanmaX: Pokemon. It's not just a game. It's a way of life. Jonatan: (deep, rumblng voice) PIKA. > Beware the Radish Charles: I'm allergic to carrots, actually... Jonatan: See the Radish. Know the Radish. Beware the Radish. > 11/29/99 Jonatan: NOW can we go? (Theater doors open.) Charles: (sighs despondently) I lost... a chance to get lucky... to read... A POKEMON FIC!?! RanmaX: Well, this brightened my day... */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* "Whee! That was fun!" Jonatan exclaimed. "Yeah!" Signus agreed. "I got to do a lot of catgirl riffs! Felicia-chan..." Ranma X turned to Signus. "Alright, you. Who are you, and what have you done to Signus?" "Oro?" Signus asked. Charles asked, "What's going on?" W4 stated, "Come to think of it, he seems different from his previous MiSTing." "How can you tell?" Jonatan asked. W4 explained, "Signus doesn't like Felicia, despite his attraction for nekojins." "His favorites in 'Darkstalkers' happen to be Hsien-ko and her sister, if I remember..." Ranma X added. Signus grinned darkly. "So, you found me out, eh?" A draconic aura surrounded Signus, his stance and voice changing before the group. He spoke in a deep voice, "My other Persona is writing his delayed Impro parts even as we speak. We earlier agreed to exchange places in the meantime, and I'd riff this piece with you humans. Any questions?" Jonatan pulled out a spherical object. "So, you're not human?" he asked. Signus shook his head, grinning. Jonatan shouted, "I saw him first! Pokeball, go!" He hurled a red-and-white sphere at Signus, who narrowly dodged it. "Hey! What are you-" Charles pulled out a card. "Get in the card!" "EEP!" In no time, Signus was dodging and rolling, trying to avoid the Pokeballs, cards, steel cages, nets and other incarcerating methods of Jonatan, Charles, and W4. Ranma X stood there, blinking and looking at the screen. The Sort of Big Screen lit up again. "Have fun?" Jake asked in a horribly bright voice. This prompted the others to give up their chase. A stray Pokeball bonked Jonatan on the head. Skribulous, still in Signus' form, glared back. "What do you think?!?" Ranma X said, with heavy sarcasm, "The horror... a fic with a suicidally depressed main character..." Another smile from Jake. "Gee, does that mean you won't be doing reviews?" "You want REVIEWS?!" all the MSTers yelled back. W4 took a deep breath, shutting his eyes. He calmly stated, "Simple equation. 'Pokemon' + 'A-Team' = 'High Stakes.'" A pause, then, "...Oh, yeah. I pity the fool who reads this fic." "With a litte 'Magic the Gathering' for overkill," Ranma X added. "A little?!?" Skribulous retorted. "You're too kind. While the story is workable, the mechanics added are not. The author should choose to be either vague or specific in the Rules and stick to it." Charles groaned, "Okay piece of work, but I have a feeling I'd be making fun of it even if I didn't have to." "Well," Jonatan started, "I actually kinda liked it. It's an interesting premise. Original, too." Jake blinked in curiosty at Jonatan. "You're drunk," Jake stated. Jonatan nodded gingerly. "...that explains THAT reaction," Jake sighed. Charles decided it probably would hurt to ask, but went ahead anyway. "Can we leave now? I'll be sure to pummel NeoVid if I ever see him." "Wait! We can't go without mangling Dr. W4 first..." Signus mentioned. "Don't worry about it," Jake told them. "You can go back to whatever you were doing- and do what you want to W4-" "Mommy..." squeaked W4. "ALL RIGHT!" Signus and Ranma X cheered, getting their armaments out. -HEY! I'M TALKING OVER HERE!- Even at low power, Jake's telepathic voice was a lot like being two millimeters away from the speakers at a heavy metal concert. After the MSTers picked themselves off the floor, he went on. "I was saying you can do whatever you want to W4 AFTER you've handled NeoVid. By the way, anyone who's currently unarmed can have one of those..." Jake pointed them to an open box tagged "for anti-NeoVid use only." "You're sure NeoVid's going to show up?" W4 asked as they looked into the box. The question was answered when the door opened and NeoVid walked in, looking at the ground. "Hmm. The trail of Life Savers ends here..." He looked up and saw a group of MSTers all going through Darkfic Aftermath, most of them with pointy sticks labeled, "Courtesy of Jake." He gave them a "yaaagh" smile and said, "This could be somewhat unpleasant." NeoVid should have received an "Understatement of the Century" Award for saying that. W4 watched the retreating forms of NeoVid, Charles, Ranma X and Signus. He held one of Jonatan's empty Pokeballs in one hand and a Neovid-poking stick in the other. "Hmmm..." he mused to himself. "Capture Sig? Or hurt NeoVid? Capture Sig? Or hurt NeoVid? I GOT IT! I'll capture Sig, train him, evolve him, and use him to hurt NeoVid! And then I'll train him to attack Akane Tendo and comma abusers!" W4 let out a booming, evil laugh, then ran after the group, yelling, "Heeeeere, Siggy, Siggy, Siggy! Heeeeeere, Siggy!" */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Meanwhile, somewhere else, the real Signus Megido sneezed while he was writing. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* As the other MSTers stampeded out the door, intent on performing graphic (four-color, even) violence upon NeoVid and the world in general, Jonatan sighed, looked at the stick he held, and dropped it. "Well, I'm a pacifist." He looked up at the screen, where Jake was busy gloating. "Hey, Jo-Jo! Can't I just go home now?" Jake glared. "If you're not obeying my orders, I have no option but to punish you by keeping you here." "I get to watch more fanfics?" Jonatan grinned. "Cool!" "You..." Jake did an eyetwitch. "On second thought, I have no need for mentally unstable people. You can go home." "Hey, wait--" With an audible *POOF!*, Jonatan vanished. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Authors' Notes Chaobino: Whoo! That was my first MSTing, and although it was idfficult in spots, I'd say I did pretty good for a newbie. Of course, I couldn't have done it without all of you, so thanks. Oh, and yeah, I can't wait until next IFR, or at least Thinker's story. A Superfriends fic written by Thinker. This truly is great. Jonatan: Waiwai! This was actually very fun! I want to thank W4 for coming up with this idea and my co-MSTiers for being a very supporting cast to do riffs with. I also want to apologize for those occasions when I hogged most of the riffs. Soree... I got carried away. ^_^;; Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope I can do this again. See ya on the flip side! NeoVid: Well, only doing host segments was new for me. And now I know what it's like to be MSTed. Yech. ^_^ OK, they all turned out to be good MSTers. In fact, if they get any better, I'll have to break their fingers so they can't compete with me. (Editor's Note: Eek!) Well, if you liked High Stakes (the fic I mean), YOU can write part of it at http://btradish.tripod.com. And if you have any comments, I'm still at neovid@hotmail.com. Ranma X: Wow. Second one down the drain. It was a wild ride, though the hardest part was the entrance scene. Thanks to W4, Jon, NeoVid, Sig, and Chaobino for the riffs and relative coolness. I'm probably am gonna step out of the next one, but I'll sure as hell be back for Dr. Thinker's piece of goop. I'm also waiting for my chance at villany. MWUHAHAHAHHA- cough cough..need practice. Anyways, you can contact me at drstupid@geocities.com. Now I kinda have to get back to writing West Eastwood High.. (Runs like hell)... Signus: Oi. This was a bad timing. We get to riff a work I liked, only to have deadlines catch me. Thanks to my co-MSTiers for filling in for me, especially some of the funnier riffs. (Jonatan, I'm looking at your general direction here.) Enjoy. W4: At the risk of sounding arrogant, I think this one turned out well, too. I dare say that ImproFicRoast is here to stay! Woo hoo! Be warned: I'm going into full-blown "URL Slut" mode: -http://www.students.rhodes.edu/%7Eknoke/indie/indie.html (Indie Madnesse, the home of ImproFicRoast) -http://www.dimfuture.net/elsewhere/mot.html (Mystery Octagon Theater 3000. The head editor, Wanderer, gave me a few helpful pointers. And he and his crew do some darn funny MiSTings of their own.) -http://btradish.tripod.com/ (Beware The Radish, the home of the (unMiSTed) High Stakes improfanfiction.) Our next project is going to be [gasp] an outside fanfiction (which is to say "not part of an improvisational fanfiction.") It'll be ImproFicRoast's first acid-test, but I think it will turn out just great. And, as always, I gladly share the praise and hog the complaints. Send c&c to indiemadw4@home.com. > "50. Goddamn. Points. Of. Damamge."