The rising sun shone brightly down upon the face of Kim Kaphwan, his polished smile (the one where the light goes *ting* off his teeth) shining out for all to see, his posture heroic, reminding all that the best life was a life of justice where you'd eat your vegetables, say your prayers, and take your vitamins. That was how the bronze statue served to remind the world of a hero who had parted from the world many years ago, and it was here that, for once, by himself, one Kim Jae Hoon came to focus his thoughts and, perhaps, talk to the man upstairs. "Hey, dad... it's been a while. Man, where should I begin..." Jae sighed heavily, sitting on the ground with his forearms resting comfortably on his knees. "It's been rough, working for Cracker Jack, but it's good pay... and I do find time to spread the cause of Justice, like you taught me." Jae smiled. The light that went *ting* off of his father's memorial's teeth proceeded to go *ting* off of his own. "Still... there's something I gotta talk to you about..." All around him, the city of South Town was alive with activity. Birds sang, people went about shopping, the homeless begged for money (the homeless being, for the most part, the War Gods), and Talbain was busy sniffing the asses of any pretty lady that passed him by. Just a typical South Park morning... "It's about...." [---] In the inky depths of Limbo, a strange, small man with "NEEDLESS EXPOSITION" written on his shirt walked into the only source of light. He then proceeded to hold up a sign that stated, "I LIKE CORN." His task complete, the small, strange man waddled off into the darkness. [---] "It's about...." While Jae began to collect his thoughts, a strange, simplistic backbeat made its way through the streets of South Town, inundating the entire town with the feel of 'the ghetto', complete with finger-quote motions. G'won, do it. 'The ghetto'. Feels great, doesn't it? ... oh, I almost forgot. Jae finally stood up and regarded the image of his father, expression resolute and filled with purpose. Jae: Dad, it's me, your Jay-Ay-Ee But it's been tough, see Fighting with all these evil peeps Who don't say 'please', don't plant trees, don't like teas And don't cross the street with old ladies Wanna hurt the world 'cause I got a girlfriend who loves to squeeze Got a job and a life and I'm doing fine Feels good to say that I call it mine And yet the troubles don't let up a moment... jeez They just want me to drop to my knees Evil, *please* You better hope I don't use these Feet that burn with the flaming breeze And crush you all like a bunch of fleas I'd do it to you all and not even sneeze With a kick, then a jump and the greatest ease Gave you a chance to reform And hoped that you'd wise up and change your ways But when you went right back after so many days My foot's the last thing you got to see You all better listen up closely All of you who thing I've gotten weak 'Cause you got to sneak You're what make my sense of mercy freeze So I'll defeat you All of you Evil will not stand and that holds true You're all going to push me way too far And I'll do just what my dad would do That was when... the *entire* town dropped what they were doing and felt the overwhelming urge to sing the chorus to this little ditty. And it went something like... CHORUS: Nowadays scurbs come to the fore like they got a game to play But nothing synchs up when they move the stick Just a bunch of single hits The muthafuckas act like they forgot about Jae For the sake of sanity, the resultant song-and-dance routine that followed as the chorus continued (and Jae was hefted onto the shoulders of the people) will be ignored. It's safe to say that there was a sudden, resounding... CHORUS: ---forgot about Jae! ... before Jae struck a mighty pose, the light going *ting* off of his teeth as she smiled the smile of assuredness. He knew his mission. He knew his purpose. He just had no clue why he has started rapping a minute or so before. Jae hated when he forgot about things like that. [-----] Forgot About Jae Chapter 39: The Old Song and Dance Routine Created when Shelby 'Darkheart One' Scott found the answer to all of life's mysteries, only to trade them in for his own tentacle sex demon planet and matching innocent, moldable schoolgirl planet. Apologies in advance for putting FAJ once step closer to being Reforming Evil Can Be Dark, Gritty and Laden With Dickgirl Jokes. No, seriously. [-----] LAST TIME ON FORGOT ABOUT JAE: -It was all just a dream. Yes, I know that's been done to death... -Apparently Dong's been tapped to become Doom's stand-in. Poor Doom. -Garuda knows the importance of vacation time. And ass. Good Garuda. -The Ghostdusters did nothing, and expected to be paid for it, the morons. Oh, and then Samael mindfucked everyone but Fuuma and Whip! -Poor Norimaru. -It was reaffirmed that Fuuma is a complete and utter dumbfuck. I know that's like saying water's wet, but it's still fun to do. -FUUMA used STUPIDITY on SAMAEL! It's super effective! -Geese is back, and man, is he without pants! -Scarebro's got work, but needs allies. And more hay for his arms. [-----] "KIM KORN CARN SHOW WELCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!" The crowd went wild as their host and idol, Mr. Carn, approached and then pretended to attack the camera with--- "KARATE KICK!" The applause light flickered, but the audience needed no prompting. After a bit more joking about, KKC grinned broadly, adjusting his trunks. "Finally we have good guest who did not show before because of big mean dinos who immune to MONGOLIAN CHOP!" Laughter and applause. "Anyway, big dino hunter Regina White!" He pointed to the curtain over to the side, by his desk and the guest's chairs. Said curtain parted. Said parted curtain revealed a pack of raptors eating a stagehand's greasy head while Regina watched, looking immensely pissed. "That's what you get for grabbing my ass." "... COMMERCIAL TIME NOW!" [---] "BACK THIS SHOW NOW!" Applause! It seemed that Regina was sitting primly at her chair next to Carn's desk, sipping on a mug of coffee. Her slinky, tight suit looked quite dashing on her, aside from the raptor drool on it from the pack of dinos hovering around her like trained attack dogs. "You Regina White... you say you dino hunter, but it look like you more like dino tamer! I know you do not use SPINEBUSTER! to subdue raptors, but what do you use?" "Well, you see... it's a rather long story..." [---] The jungle was steamy, wet and claustrophobic. Armed with just a handgun, a taser stick and her wits, Regina marched ahead, searching for her prey. The sound of a snapped twig caught her attention, and she turned to the side, only to be ambushed by a leaping raptor, the two of them tumbling into a bush. She screamed. It screeched and roared. She screamed again. It sniffed. She grew silent. It purred. She gasped. "OH BABY!" [---] "..." Carn could not find the words to vocalize his thoughts. Not even a funny catchphrase came to mind. Regina's smile fell. "... what. You try going a year without a lay." "COMMERCIAL TIME NOW!" [-----] Muscle Power's Pectoral MAX Gym was perhaps the most popular place for a person to get ripped. There was all sorts of questionably-legal exercise machines to use (the Dance Dance or We Break Your Ankles machine was the most popular) that went with the perfectly legal mega-enhancement drugs that all but came free in the mail to all South Town residents anyway. At the ultra-heavy duty punching bags, Grant and Kain were busy practicing for battle. Well, Kain was. Grant was busy scoping him out some ass. So far, his search had been rather fruitless, but suddenly... "Oh... my... GOD, Kain!" Grant grabbed Kain by the neck and pointed him in a direction. "Look at his butt! It is so... firm! He looks like one of those... ninja boyfriends." Kain, unable to look away, snarled slightly and broke one of Grant's fingers to free himself. "Who could ever understand those ninjas, with their 'flipping out' and their 'total sweetness'. They only like guys like that because he looks like a total manwhore." "Still! His ass... it's... it's so *FIRM*! It's so... perfect, so... statuesque. I mean... look closer, Kain." "No, I won't." "Look *closer*, Kain." "I'm not staring at Andy's ass!" "Oh, yes you are!" "I will *NOT*--- oh, alright, I'll take a closer loo---WHOA." Kain blinked. "... it is firm." "Toldja. He's just so... so... perfect." That's when the music started again. Everyone's eyes suddenly went to the double-doors as a familiar someone with large, bobbling breasts and an extremely skimpy workout outfit stomped towards the door... then reached the door... then kicked *down* the door. Mai: I like. His. *ASS*, and I cannot lie! All you stupid people can't deny Than when a guy walks by with big ol' pecs And a tight ol' double-deck You get *HOT*, wanna make a scene Cause his rump's built like a machine Deep in the outfit he's wearin' I want, 'cause I can't stop starin' Oh, Andy, d'you think mebbe I can have your baby? The ninjas tried to warn me But that ass y'got makes Grant: ME SO HORNY! Mai: Oh, king of tight ol' butt D'you wanna come to my hut? Well use me, cooze me 'cause I want that double-doozy I've seen other rears But have no fears You're hot, HAWT Like a damn sunspot I'm tired of stupid tricks Sayin' all men are huge dicks When they try to change my mind I just think of your behind So, Andy! Andy: ... yeh? Mai: Andy?! Andy: Yeah? Mai: D'you wanna piece of my candy? Andy: ... uhhhh... Mai: Then work it! Work it! Work that healty butt! Andy's firm ass! By this point, Andy seems to have someone gotten himself trapped under a straddling Mai, who is also attempting to dance. It should be noted that Muscle Power's already charging people to watch. "He's a South Town face," Kain noted. "With a Oakland booty," Grant added. Mai: I likes 'em tight and firm When I see it, it makes me squirm I can't stop myself, come do me like an animal I'm sure y'can cram-it-all I wanna get you home And HUH! Double Time! HUH! HUH! I'm not talking about doing a pushup I'm talkin' bout the immortal schtupp I like it real hard and juicy That tempting, pleasing double Shiranui Mai's in trouble Oh, Lord, Andy, gimme somma that bubble So I'm looking at other guys With their barely-holding flys You can have that no-talent dick Just lemme have an ass this *thick* A word to you, Andy lover, I wanna getcha under the cover I won't leave you for another But I gotta be honest when I say I wanna fu--- Grant: FUDGE PACKIIIIIN'! Everyone stared at Grant for a second. "... oh, sorry, wrong genders." Mai: Until the morning light Oh Andy, y'can do it right Alotta gals won't like me saying all this 'Cause they just wanna meat it and beat it And I'd rather drag it out 'Cause I'm burnin', and I'm yearnin' And you're about to get a sexual learnin'! So! Andy! Andy: Yeah? Mai: Andy?! Andy: Yeah?! Mai: D'you know thatcha make me randy? Andy: Figured. Mai: Then turn around! Let it show! So even straight guys gots t'know... of Andy's firm ass! At this point, the gym had turned into something resembling a dance party. Maybe it was the music. Maybe it was... something else. Mai: So your boyfriend drives a Lexus Got a package the size of Texas But I don't see much of a Texas on the back of that Lexus My hungry hippo don't! Want! None! Unless you got buns, hon! You can fight all day, or slack off Just please don't lose that butt Some girls like their men all girly And say ass don't make them whirly So they settle for their bishies While I got my mighty tishies So Shoto says you're lame ... well, I don't play that game 'Cause your body's tight and your butt's not hidin' And I'm thinkin' about ridin' To the fem-dudes in the ads Enjoy bein' stupid fads! Gimme my Andy, me makes me dandy And his ki skills are quite handy Some shotoclones tried to bitch 'cause Andy don't wanna hitch I'm a patient girl, so I'm waitin' He'll get tired of masturbatin' So, Andy, when the time comes 'round And you wanna triple-X throwdown You know my addy, find yer girl And I'll *rock* your fucking world. Andy's firm ASS! Mai, from her spot above Andy, grinned like the cat who stole the cream. "So, Andy... wanna make like pink donkeys?" Andy thought. And he thought. And he thought. And finally... "Ooooooh no!" One punch later, Andy made a run for it, leaving Mai to rub her jaw and pout. "You will be mine, Andy. OH YES." It should also be noted that Grant had some lady in tight clothing blast him in the crotch, but that's another song entirely. [-----] Her name was Vanessa Z. Schneider. She was a warrior beyond compare; a killing machine with a highly stylized attack method that left her opponents dazzled before they exploderated. To many, it looked like, when she battled, she was dancing. But Vanessa does not dance. [---] Vanessa walked up to the Pectoral MAX with the intention to relax and wail on a punching bag. Instead... the inside of the gym had turned into an impromptu dancehall. This irked her. Orchid approached Vanessa with a smile at the door. "Hey! Aren't your Vanessa Z. Schneider?" "I am." She almost *knew* what was going to follow. "I heard you're a dancing fighting machine!" Orchid grinned vapidly. "... I... do not *DANCE*." With that, Vanessa broke Orchid's neck with a beautiful, yet efficient spinning chop to the throat. Her anger peaked, she proceeded inside, mumbling to herself the entire time. Vanessa: Going to the Pec MAX I go up to the floor Something's playing music Vanessa lock the door People are all dancing They seem to be in trance Vanessa HATE THEM ALL because Vanessa does not dance Vanessa passed by Eddy Gordo and saw fit to blow his face off with a bright burst of energy and a pose that could be seen as coming from a profession jazz dancer. She didn't feel better, however, as no one had started to panic yet. Vanessa: You should be working out Instead you watch ninja say 'randy' Vanessa crush your windpipe Vanessa eat your pinky Vanessa opens skulls Vanessa shoots up Grants Vanessa want to kill because Vanessa does not dance Indeed, Vanessa shot Grant in the cock and watched him double over in agony. This pleased her slightly, and she reminisced on the moment. Vanessa: You like to stare at manass It gives you tiny wood You think it time for jackoff But I think that's no good Your penis good for SHOOTING No protection are your pants Vanessa watch your cry because Vanessa does not dance Sated, Vanessa turned around, kicked Grant through the window (again, in a dance-like manner) and stepped out the broken pane, wandering around to see if there were any robots to destroy. Not with dancing, of course. [-----] "I heard that whenever E. Honda eats a plate of steamed pork brains, an angel gets its wings!" Seth crushed the can in his hand and grabbed another. "I heard that Angel just gets naked and starts rubbing herself down with body oil compulsively when that happens." Guile grabbed another can and crushed it in his hand, spraying beer suds everywhere. Thankfully, everyone was too drunk to care. "... maybe they both happen!" "Sounds good. To E. Honda!" A clink of cans and a round of cheers, all in the honor of E. Honda. Naturally, Dante was in a corner, nursing a Shirley Temple and a plate of donuts while sulking. Rainbow Mika was kind enough to pass by him, take a donut them remind Dante that he sucked. "You suck, man." "Yeah, you're just, what six even, two hundred pounds?" Vanessa (the other one with the hips and the tiny tie and the hips and the red hair and THOSE HIPS) muttered. "Lightweight." "Yeah. Hell, I heard that Sparda found his mighty demonic powers in a box of Bison Flakes tucked in the folds of E. Honda's bodyblubber." Ken slurred. "To E. Honda!" Dante pouted. "I hate you all!" Mika sat back down at The Table. "Hey... I heard he stopped Mr. Domino!" "No fucking *way*! You can't stop Mr. Domino!" Ken's jaw dropped. "Apparently E. Honda can." Mika nodded, just so. After a communal "WHOA", everyone nodded, their love for their portly idol increased. And that was when Voldo, in his table tucked in the corner, stood. That act alone seemed to silence the room. The silence held when Voldo suddenly removed his gag and cleared his throat. Silence gave way to dramatic orchestral music- like goodness, and Voldo, after having not said a thing in countless years, started belting it out like a world-class tenor. Voldo: I know a tale of a place in the cold, distant land With a chill no living thing can hope to withstand In this waste, there lay a tomb for a powerful force The very depths of the Abyss was its cursed *source*... A few glasses shattered as Voldo hit one hell of a high note. A few minds broke at the prospect of Voldo being able to sing, let alone speak. Most people were just hoping he wouldn't start stripping. Voldo: The force soon came to life, and wished to be free Thus its tomb broke apart, as if by decree The very earth itself trembled with fear For it knew that the Apocalypse drew *NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR*... The pause that followed was so pregnant that it could have filled the room with screaming little anklebiter pauses. Although pauses are probably facehuggers. But still... Voldo: ... and then E. Honda wandered by and ate it. Voldo slipped the gag back on, breathed deeply, and sat down. Thus, all was silent. "... to E. Honda?" "I think I know him." "Lemme buy you a drink." [-----] "Another one, sir?" King cleaned out her last glass, then leaned over the bar top to peer at the man, the myth, the legend. And her only patron this late, it seemed. "... naw, I'm fine." He pushed aside buffalo wing platter number twenty-six and sat up, wiping his mouth clean. "What do I owe ya?" "Eh, it's on the house. To E. Honda and all that jazz." Honda sighed softly. "... y'know, sometimes I wish that thing'd never hit me in the back." King turned around from helping herself to a bourbon on the rocks. "Wuh?" "Oh, nothing, nothing..." Honda regarded his own empty glass... then turned to the piano. "Hey, you. Play something soft. I feel like singing." Blind Kenshi nodded and got right to it, leaving Honda no choice but to turn around, rest his elbows on the counter and... sing. As if that wasn't a surprise by now. Honda: I can't stand my weight I'm not that hungry I'm just out to find A way outside of me Weigh more than a bird, not quite much as a plane More than some painted face with a silly name It's not easy to be E. Wish that I could cry And no one could see Find a way to glimpse At the toes I cannot see It may sound obtuse, but cut me some slack Once you're here, you can't leave this track I might be upset, but please understand All in all, I'm not that grand It's not easy to be E. Up, up and away... away from food It's okay... I'll be your god today I'm not tired... or anything... I can't stand my weight I'm not that hungry Men weren't meant to move With this much fat around their knees I'm only a man in a nice mawashi Only a man jonesing for ice cream I'm only a man in a diaper, you see Looking for spicy wings behind a tree And it's not easy... to be... E. Honda bowed as Kenshi and King applauded, and continued well past the point when Honda sat back down. "So... heh, sorry. I get kinda angsty sometimes." "No problem, fella." Kenshi paused. "Wait a second. Is that E. Honda?" "Yeah, that's me." "I know about you." Honda smirked and turned to King. "Give that man a drink." "I dunno, he gets weird when he's drunk." King paused. Smiled. Grabbed the bottle of Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster she kept for emergencies (the bottle was hard enough to withstand being immersed in sulfuric acid for roughly 2 years straight) and poured a shot. "... ah, what the hell. To E. Honda." "To me." Honda grinned way too broadly. "Ooooh, something smells yummy!" Kenshi licked his lips. [-----] Right above the apartment complex on the corner of Main and Avenue A, there lived two guys by the name of Neo and Geo. ... yes, they were pillow-chewing butthunters, but let's look past that for a moment. Right now, they were getting back from a very rousing day at the arcades, and both looked quite pleased with themselves. "So, Neo, I see you're still a cheap-ass, one-tactic fuckwhore when it comes to Ultimate Clusterfuck Fighter 3!" Geo smiled brightly while he cursed out Neo, who happily returned the smile. "Perhaps, but you as well only know how to jam one button like a braindead moron! I've never seen such a complete lack of talent in all my life!" "I jammed your mom's button last night, you turd-covered ass-missile!" "I know, and she said that she thought a mosquito was biting her crotch!" "Whatever! That doesn't change that fact that you're a button masher!" "You're the button masher, you button-mashing rimjobber!" Suddenly, BRIGHT, CHEERY MUSIC piped throughout South Town! Again. This is getting old. Neo: Shut your scrubby maw, button masheeeeeer You're an Eddy Gordo lovin' button masheeeeeeeer You bang that machine, yes it's true Nobody mashes quite like you! Geo: Cram it up your ass, button masheeeeeeer You're the one that broke the buttons, button masheeeeeeeer You don't duck or jump or move the stick You just slap the buttons with your dick! I would describe what happened next, but that involved the two walking back over to the arcade, dropping trow and slamming their erections against the Ultimate Clusterfuck Fighter 3 cabinet's buttons in a 'Dueling Penii' manner that frankly disturbs even *me*, so I'll just skip to the grand finale. Neo/Geo: Learn some fucking moves, button masher You're a no-skill-havin' retard, button masher Neo: You got no skills, it is a shame Geo: Your button mashing is to blame! Neo/Geo: Button masher, fuck off! M! A! S! H! UP! YOURS! BUTTON MASHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! Fuuma: Do you wanna play with... my DING-A-LING? My ding-a-ling?! MY DING-A-LI--- Needless to say, the entire crowd that had been singing moments ago mobbed Fuuma and beat him senseless. [-----] Jae sighed heavily. "And... that's that. Well... I guess I'll see you around, dad." With a bow and a whispered prayer, Jae turned and walked off into the sunset, the crowd muttering the chorus the entire time. [-----] In the inky depths of Limbo, a strange, small man with "NEEDLESS EXPOSITION" written on his shirt walked into the only source of light. He then proceeded to hold up a sign that stated, "WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE DELAY. NOW, BACK TO THE STORY AT HAND." His task complete, the small, strange man waddled off into the darkness. [-----] -Author's Shit- I really, really, really, REALLY apologize for pussying out like that, but it's been maddening trying to catch up with FAJ, and it took me a while just to get these ideas together. Still... um... enjoy. This really should've been an omake or something. Oy. -_- Next up is... ah, I don't care. =P [-----] Whip cuddled Fuuma's phone to her chest, deep in the recesses of her labyrinthine hidey hole. After all, as much as he wanted to say otherwise, only one person got to play with his ding-a-ling. [-----]