Kyo Kusanagi and the remains of his defeated forces tumbled through space. 
Soon
the air supply in their space suits would be gone and they would be 
forgotten
and replaced by Blackheart without so much as a memorial.  The stockholders
would divide up Kusanagi Enterprises and probably sell out to Heihachi or 
one of
the other Evil Corporate Groups.

Kyo was too weak to properly express his 
anger, and too short on air to waste
his breath on Armor King, Shang Tsung, Goro and Scorpion.  As he drifted 
through
space contemplating the unfairness of it all and how he'd love a chance for
revenge,  he noticed something approaching from the darkness of space.

"ssssss...k-k..kyooooo," said a distorted, feminine electronic voice in his
earphone.  The muted sound of something vaguely resembling a siren began to 
wail
in the background as the voice continued in a deeper, yet faster-speaking 
tone.
"kyo kukusanagi.  Kusanagi! GI! GI!"

Kyo used what minute fuel he had left 
in his thrusters to stop tumbling and get
a clearer look at the object approaching him.  It was two huge spaceships 
linked
together, covered in swarming spider-like repair droids attempting to remove 
the
husk of a gigantic space worm wrapped around them.

Kyo forced himself to 
speak even though his throat was screaming from the lack
of water.  "Who said that?" he croaked into the suit-mike.

The warbling in 
the electronic voice ceased for a moment and it spoke with
frightening authority.  "I AM SHODAN."  The voice split up again, half-heard
fragments of phrases mumbled in the background, as if the entity were trying 
to
express multiple schizophrenic thoughts at once.  "I have-have-HAVE 
sssummoned
you to me for a pu-purpose, helpless meat-thing." The phrase "destroy 
huuuman
cities destroy human cities desssss-krk!" played in the background.

Kyo 
sneered as best he was able. "Listen, lady," he rasped, "Nobody summons Kyo
Kusanagi."

"Your pathETIC liEs aRe-are-R-R as t-t-ransparent as your 
all-liance with
Blackheart on Earth."

Kyo's blood froze in his veins.  "HowÉdid you know 
about that?"

"N-nothing hides from the magNIFicent compuputerized sentience 
that that is
SHODAN," said the AI, it's voice shifting into rapid high pitch again.  "I 
shall
give you a chance sssss at revenge against your foes. In X-change you yeeeew
muSSST dessstroy the Elemental Spirits, four 4 for they are the one thing, 
the
ONLY thing, that can stand in my way."

"THAT again? And just what are you 
going to give me to do that,  SHODAN?
Assuming I even accept your offer," said Kyo, crossing his arms.

"Y-your 
bargaining posture is highly d-dubious. But ph34r not.  I shall give you
a new, more pow-powerful body, and n-new troops to command."

"And?"

"And 
nothing! You belong to me now, puppet..."

Kyo's anger flared. "I belong to 
NOBODY!" he screamed at the approaching ship.

"V-v-e-r-y well.  Y-your 
eyeball grease shall make use-ful-ful blade wax for my
cyborgs." The Von Braun's tractor beam shot out and took hold of Kusanagi 
and
his underlings.

"No, wait! I accept your terms! I accept! 
I--arrrrrgh!"

"Ex-cellllleeeeent," purred the insane computer.  The Von 
Braun's warp engines
hummed to life, distorting space and time around it.

The distortion wave 
hit Kusanagi and he felt the very reality of his body being
shifted, his flesh transforming into a cyborg body.  Out of the corner of 
his
eye he saw the same happening to the others.

"Behold! Youareareareyouare 
you are now Major Kusanagi! And t-these shall be
your minionnnnns."

Goro's extra arms vanished and his skin took on a 
silvery sheen.  "P. Jack, the
Strong."

Scorpion's face became unmasked and his limbs got bulkier, covered 
in hanging
wires and grafted armor plates.  "Rax, the Champion."

Armor King's 
already-powerful body transformed further, the emblem for "Bad-Ass
Cyborg" appearing on the back of his spacesuit. "Cyber-Akuma, the 
Destroyer."

Shang Tsung remained as he was.  "And Shang 
Tsung."

"Laaaaame!" yelled Shang Tsung. "And how come Armor King's 
Cyber-Akuma? He
wasn't even Regular-Akuma!"

A smaller spacecraft sped out of the Von 
Braun's shuttle bay and maneuvered
close to the warriors, scooping them up except for Kusanagi.

"I swear, I 
shall destroy all the Elemental Spirits and those who possess them!"
declared Kusanagi, startled at the new, higher pitch of his voice.  He 
looked
down at his chest.

"Wait.  I'm not supposed to be THAT Major Kusanagi, am 
I? NOOOOOOO!!!"

[---]

Kyo woke up from his nap on his desk with a 
snort.

"Dammit, I had that dream again!"

Yuki poked her head in through 
the door.

"There's someone here to see you again, sweetie. Someone named 
'Blade.'"

"WHICH Blade?"

"The one with cool sunglasses."

"Yuki, I can 
think of at least three Blades with cool sunglasses."

"Uhh...the black 
one?"

"ARGH!"

[---]

Forgot About Jae
Chapter 37: Restless Dreams

Forgot 
About Jae created from tinfoil and toothpicks by Shelby Scott, aka
Darkheart One

This chapter scribed with genuine bird quills by J.P. Chabot

[---]

Last 
time on Forgot About Jae:

- Boy howdy, there sure were a lot of naked 
girls.

- Violence Unlimited is no longer lost in time and space.

- Poison 
saved the day! Wow, I think that's the first time shi's actually done
something. The rest of Violence Unlimited got even less screen time than shi
did.

- But considering we had clothesless Poison, that may be a good 
thing.

- Jae fought the ultimate battle for his life against a dark future 
version of
his brother, but thankfully, it was all an illusion by bumbling schemer Quan
Chi.

- Eiji Kisaragi answered even more email. Including one about how to 
draw
Yoshimitsu the Chopinator!

- Battlerman had best beware, for a new villain 
walks the streets.  Jax IS the
Scarebro!

[---]

Cracker Jack tossed and turned in his sleep.  He mumbled 
something about
kneecaps and groaned loudly.  Then he shot up out of his chair, screaming, 
"Get
your hands off my Mark McGuire, Casey Jones!"

Poison stopped filing hir 
nails and blinked at him.

Cracker Jack recovered from the nightmare and 
thumped his fist angrily on his
desk.  "Dammit, I had that dream again!  And it was about a signed McGuire 
BAT,
Poison."  Even though they weren't very visible, shi could feel his eyes 
burning
into hir.

"Actually, CJ, it's funny you should mention that," said Poison.  
"I've been
having a recurring nightmare too. Come to think of it, I think Fuuma was
mentioning something like this happening to him as well."

"That's right!" 
said the potted plant next to Poison.  "I dreamed I was being
beaten up by a two-dimensional dog and a onion-headed martial arts master in 
a
rap video."  Fuuma crawled out from under the floor mat on the opposite side 
of
the office from the potted plant.  "My worst fear come to life."

"Weird," 
said CJ.  "Hey, Hugo, have you been having a recurring dream lately?" 


"HRRRGGRMPHLR," said the hulk.

"Yeah, I can't blame you for not really 
caring since we dragged you out of that
living nightmare with those twins," said CJ, scratching his chin. "Driver? 
How
about you?"

The Driver gave a sheepish nod.  He had been dreaming he was 
starring in some
kind of interactive version of the movie "The Italian Job," only with E. 
Honda
being delivered in the trunk.

"Well, fuck it.  If we're ALL having 
recurring dreams of some kind it can't be a
coincidence.  We got any people who mess around with the supernatural on the
rolodex, Poison?"

"One sec..."

Jae and his Nameless Everpresent Girlfriend 
walked into the room.  Jae started
to speak but got cut off by CJ.

"You been having any recurring dreams 
lately, Jae?" asked the boss.

Jae closed his mouth, opened it again when 
NEG tickled him, then closed it.
Finally he sorted himself out and spoke.

"Well, not exactly, but I had this 
really disturbing prophetic dream where I
fought my brother who had become Dr. Doom's replacement or something, which 
is-"

"Close enough," said CJ.  "Poison?"

"Give me a fucking minute to 
check, CJ!  You've got a lot of kneecappers and
commandos and heavies in here but not a whole lot of tarot card readers or
whatever-the-hell it is we want."

"Well, CJ, I've been meaning to ask you," 
asked Jae.

"Spit it out, boy,"

"Well, in the interest of pursuing justice 
and truth, I'd like to follow up on
Dr. Doom and see if he really is training my brother to be a little 
him."

"Doom? Oh, come on, boy.  You still haven't fully paid me for the 
last time you
hired us out, and there's not enough money in the world that would make me 
want
to take him on."

Jae's mouth, much more accustomed to displaying his 
father's shining smile,
began to pout and quiver.  "But what if it's true?  If Dong turns to evil my
family's honor would--"

"Kid, sit down," said CJ.  As if to make Jae feel 
more relaxed he put both his
own feet up on his desk.  "There's something you need to understand about 
evil
supervillains. First off, they're losers."

"That's right!" said Jae. This 
is something he liked talking about, good
prevailing. "Thanks to the efforts of shining champions of virtue who don't 
stop
to give evil a second chance-"

"No, no no no," said CJ.  "Sure, once in a 
while a guy like Doom will stop
brooding in his castle for a  month or so and come up with a dangerous, evil
plan, but mostly he just sits around all alone.  So your dumbass brother is
probably just learning new ways to be a slacker."

Jae considered that for a 
moment.  It seemed pretty fitting for Dong.

"And sometimes they don't even 
need heroes or defenders of justice or whatever
to stop them. Like last Christmas, when we stuck out our necks to save Sumo
Santa.  We spend weeks lost in time and space and meanwhile he rescues 
himself.
There are whole organizations like that..."

[---]

Somewhere, inside an 
ornate, fantastic castle, in a darkened room, mysterious
and evil figures sat around a round table.  A woman in black robes with 
horns
and pale green skin spoke.

"The meeting of the Legion of Evil will now come 
to order!  I have gathered here
together some of the most fiendish minds in all the universe with the goal 
of
destroying do-gooders everywhere,  leaving us in control.  The crafty 
sorcerer,
Jafar!"

Jafar pointed his staff at a chandelier and disintegrated 
it.

"The, uh...gambling Mr. Oogie-Boogie!"

The bug-filled burlap sack 
chortled and threw dice on the table, which came up
skull-faced snake eyes and exploded.

"The powerful and, er, smarmy god of 
the dead, Hades!"

The god smoothed his flame-hair and flicked off tiny 
flames from his fingers,
lighting his part of the table on fire.

"The rapier wit and razor-sharp 
claw of Captain Hook!"

Captain Hook raked his hook on the table, leaving a 
deep gouge.

"And Ursu-GOD DAMN IT!" shouted Malificent, the leader.  "Do 
you think we could
go through one simple roll call without destroying stuff?  Hey, Captain 
Hook!
When I said 'razor-sharp claw' that doesn't mean you need to show me. I 
already
know!"

At "razor-sharp claw" Captain Hook scratched the table 
again.

Malificent's eyes glowed green with rage. "How are we supposed to 
take over the
multiverse when we can't even take care of our own fucking 
furniture?!?"

[---]

"So I don't think you need to worry, kid," concluded 
CJ.

"I still don't feel good about it," said Jae.

The Driver got off the 
office couch and decided to see if his buddy 8-Ball had
finished "customizing" his latest car in the parking lot.  He opened the 
hallway
doors and was a bit puzzled at the unseasonably thick fog outside.  His car 
was
there, but 8-Ball wasn't.

The Driver checked under the car.  The timer was 
there but the explosives hadn't
been placed yet.  Strange.  8-Ball never did a job halfway and always took
everything he needed in one trip.  If he had needed to go to the restroom he
would have gone inside Violence Unlimited, but he wasn't in there.

The 
Driver got in the car and turned on the radio.  For a few seconds it was
silent, then it buzzed static loudly.  He flipped impatiently through the
frequencies but they were all the same.

He almost didn't notice the hideous 
humanoid lump of flesh walking out of the
mist until it smashed its melted-looking limb through the passenger window,
grasping at him and making horrifying slurping and gasping noises.  


[---]

At a converted firehouse deep in the trashy area of downtown 
Southtown, the
Ghostdusters sat around their dinner table in the snack room, eating Chinese
food.

"To our first customer!" said Luigi, raising his can of soda.

"To 
our first and only customer," said Yuna. She took a long swig from her soda
can as well.  "You know, business sure isn't booming as much as I thought it
would be."

"It seems that those four ghosts were the only real ghost 
problem Southtown's
been having for the past few years," said Miku, resting her head on one hand
while twirling her chopsticks in the other.  "I thought for sure with all 
the
incidents with them we'd be facing a supernatural onslaught but those four 
were
just 'repeat offenders.'"

"Maybe we should branch out, y'know?" said Yuna. 
"Go on to zombie slaying or
something? My healing spells work great against the undead!"

Miku just 
sighed and bit off the top of a won ton. 

[---]

Downstairs, secretary 
Cham-Cham was busy getting ready to go home when the phone
rang.  Shifting her boomerang to her free paw she picked up the 
receiver.

"What's that?  Oh.  We don't really handle zombies...you say 
they're not
zombies? What? Lots of fog?  Oh, we handle other supernatural phenomena too, 
and
if we can't handle it, we give you your  money back and refer you to who 
can,
guaranteed.  Yes.  Yes, oh, they'll be totally discreet in the matter. Yes.
Okay, I've got the address. Great! Bye!" She slammed down the receiver and
screamed as loud as she could.

"WE'VE GOT ONE!"  She punched the Fire Alarm 
button.

[---]

The Ghostdusters looked at each other for a second, then 
bolted into action.
Yuna grabbed her staff, holy water and dancing shoes.  Miku snatched her 
camera
bag and spiritual exposure meter and jammed extra film, herbal essence and
spirit stones into her pockets.  Luigi strapped on his vacuum cleaner, 
checked
to see his flashlight had fresh batteries, and grabbed a plunger and a Fire
Flower just to be safe.

One after another, the Ghostdusters slid down the 
fire pole into the garage,
where their car, the SPECTRO-1, awaited fueled and serviced.

[---]

"Aaah! 
What *are* these things?" said Poison, emptying a clip into a massive
bulk of flesh wearing a polka-dotted shirt.  "Did these used to be 
people?"

Jae finished off another monstrosity with a rapid series of 
flaming kicks. "I
don't know, but I'm pretty sure they're evil, and they sure are 
ugly!"

Violence Unlimited had retreated deeper into their building after 
the Driver
escaped back to the main office, only to find more of the monsters already
wandering the halls.  Since the monsters took so many bullets, bludgeons to 
the
head or flaming kicks to kill, even with their superior ass-kicking 
abilities
Violence Unlimited was quickly becoming outnumbered by the nightmares.

"I 
don't know about you," said CJ, pausing to beat the lump where he thought 
the
head of a beast was, "but I'm starting to get pissed off.  If I find out 
someone
was behind this..."

[---]

It was a dark place.  The walls were ancient, 
crumbling concrete covered in
dozens of unidentifiable stains.  The floor was a rusty metal grating.  
Beneath
that, as far as any person could see in the dim light, was nothing but 
darkness.
A lone figure sat on a throne at one end of the room.  The figure had long 
black
hair and a rather beautiful face, and wore voluminous robes with big 
shoulder
pads.

In front of the figure was an enthusiastic young woman. She raised 
her right
hand in salute and shouted at the top of her lungs, "HAAAAAIL, 
SAMAEL!"

"Whip, this world is corrupt," said the seated figure.  "In order 
to-"

"Samael, Samael, Samael!" screamed Whip.  "Lord Samael's the greatest! 
  Lord
Samael's the TOPS!  We're all zeros and Samael's number ONE! If I 
were-"

The seated figure pulled a rope and the grating gave way beneath 
Whip, who
tumbled into darkness.

[---]

It was a dark place. The walls were....

I've 
done this before. You get the picture. It's the same place. Only
spooookier.

The seated figure spoke again.  "Whip, the time is drawing near 
when I shall
truly be able to rise again.  Already nightmares and dreams are becoming 
more
powerful.  Soon people will be unable to distinguish the nightmares of their
sleep with the horror of reality, and I will be able to truly cross over 
into
the physical world."

"YAHOOO!" yelled Whip, not entirely aware of what had 
just been said.  She
leaped forward and gave the seated figure a great big bear hug.  "Yaaay,
everything's gonna be super! And then it'll just...spiffo-tacular!  
And...wait,
your chest..."

Whip pulled open the overcloak on the seated figure and 
noticed a couple of
extra things she didn't expect to see there.

"Lord Samael's a woman? Wow, I 
never would have guessed!"

"Of course I am, you buffoon! I got summoned 
into this body by those cultists,
didn't I?"

"Wow, I'd have never guessed!" said Whip.  "I suppose there are 
layers to
everyone nobody sees! The dermis, the hypodermisÉ"

The seated figure 
slapped a hand over her face.  "When I decided to use my power
to twist your weak will to my control, I don't think I considered it would 
make
you ludicrously stupid and wacky."

Whip just nuzzled the seated figure some 
more.

"It's time for you to wake up, Whip.  The Ikari Warriors need 
you."

"Aww, already?"

"Yes.  You won't remember a thing until I truly 
become real and take over this
world."

Whip giggled incessantly.

"Then againÉI'm not sure I even need to 
bother blanking your memory."

"Hee hee hee!"

[---]

Jennifer Simpson 
tossed in her bed fitfully.  Then she woke up with a
bloodcurdling scream.

"What is it, honey? What's wrong?" asked her 
lover.

"I...I had that dream again," sobbed Jennifer.  "ScissormanÉafter 
me.  With
those giant scissors of his, clang, clang clang! And I can't get away from 
him,
and he won't stop no matter how many things I throw at  him, and he gets 
closer,
still snapping the scissors, and then he puts them around my neck and..."  
She
broke down into a new round of sobs and whimpers.

"Shhh, there there.  
Scissorman's gone.  You're safe with me now."

Jennifer sniffed.  "Thank 
you.  I donÕt know what I'd do without you, Cutsman."

[---]

To be 
continued!

[---]

Author's Notes: Well, darn it all, it again wasn't as 
long as I wanted it to be,
but I think I like the result.  Since we've turned one running gag into a 
major
plot point (the girls-getting-naked thing) I decided to see what happened if 
we
did the same with the "I had that dream again!" gag.

Major Kusanagi is the cyborg main character of "Ghost in the Shell," which 
was a
pretty good Playstation game, so I figured she was fair game for reference 
here.
SHODAN's from the excellent System Shock games, if you didn't know, and the
three Blades are Blade the Vampire Hunter, Blade the guy from the future in
Eternal Champions, and Blade the super cop from the game SIN.  The SIN Blade
isn't black, but he does wear cool sunglasses!

I really wanted to factor the Scarebro into this chapter but I couldn't 
think of a way, so instead we have more Ghostdusters.  Right now it's 
vaguely Miku = Egon, Luigi = Peter, Yuna = Ray, but this is by no means a 
guideline, it's just how I've worked most of the gags.

Next up is Blackdub. I eagerly await it!

J.P. Chabot
site_razer@hotmail.com