The powerful fighter Johann stood before his enemies, knowing that he was defeated. "What a surprise... eh, Lynn? You guys really know your stuff! But you will never seal off the Black Dragon again. Give it up now, while you still can." Lynn, the really, really bland girl with the big socks and the power of the White Dragon merely smiled. "Don't flatter yourself, ugly! The Black Dragon is as good as locked away!" Johann chuckled to himself. "Vain fools... But it seems my time has come." Father Elias pointed at the one-sleeved fighter. "You're not getting away." "No, I'm being called away..." Johann raised his hand to the air, "...to Heaven!" "Heaven?" Elias put his hands behind his back and explained in song, "That's not what I hear." Behind him, his teammates Oni and Cassandra giggled. After filling his body with black flame, Johann's lifeless carcass fell to the ground, ending his menace. Elias turned away and shook his head. "What a fool... taking his own life." The psychotic Oni (that's his name, not species) looked around. "Hey, the cutey's gone too!" "Hey, you're right!" Cassandra said. Elias nodded. "Yes. But instead of that, you guys..." "Uh oh!" the demon-controlled youngsters groaned. "Congratulations, my children," Elias smiled. "You have really proven yourselves. You're free to go." Oni exhaled. "Eh. Finally..." "R-really?" Cassandra asked. "Really! You two did great. May God's good grace follow your souls, my friends." The siblings high-fived. "All right!" "Our days of penitence and suffering are over!" Cassandra piped. Oni's smile was greater. And more chaotic. "When I think we can get away from Elias, it makes me so happy that I'm going to bite the head off this kitten and then go eat a baby!" "Yeah!" The two siblings howled with laughter. Laughter that died down when they realized Elias was still standing right behind them and he didn't look very happy. They sweatdropped in stereo. Oni scratched the back of his head. "Uh... heh. Forgive me Father for I have sinned?" "That sounds like fun." Elias cracked his knuckles. "Let me try that." "Forgiving?" Cassandra gulped. "No. Sinning." "Eep." [---] Elias sat up with a couple cold beads of sweat going down his head. "I had that dream again." The obscured memory of his former reformees faded away as he realized what day it was: Christmas Eve. And that meant it was the day before Christmas itself. And as a priest, Christmas was a very important day to Patrick Elias. For Christmas was a time when everyone would reach towards each other with good will. And it was the celebration of the one man whose generosity was admired by generations upon generations of Christians. Truly a selfless hero and model for how people should live their lives. And this great man's name was... Sumo Santa. [---] "Sumo Santa!?" Drahmin exclaimed. "Yes," Quan Chi nodded. "Sumo Santa." "You go kidnap Sumo Santa?" Moloch asked. "Yes! I'm going to kidnap Sumo Santa!" Drahmin raised his hand. "Why?" "It's very simple, my simple associates." Quan Chi flipped over a chalkboard where he had his master plan summed up perfectly. STEP 1: KIDNAP SUMO SANTA STEP 2: ??? STEP 3: WORLD DOMINATION "Me no get it," Moloch huffed. "What is there not to get?!" Quan Chi pointed at the board. "Step 1: Kidnap Sumo Santa. Step 2: ................................... Step 3: World domination!" Drahmin and Moloch looked to each other and shrugged. "Now the challenge of this plan -- which I assure you has been my ultimate plan all along -- is how to get to Sumo Santa. Getting to the North Pole and back with only hours in-between is nothing simple." Drahmin raised his hand again. "But Quan..." "Shut up. So I did plenty of studying of the ancient scriptures, 'Magic Portals for Dummies' and learned of how to create portals to specific coordinates. And now my plans will come to fruition. Behold, my dopey friends!" "But Quan..." "Shut up, Drahmin! I'll be back in a minute." Quan Chi opened up a green vortex portal and hopped inside. Moloch silently played around with a rubber band and listened as his master began to scream obscenities from the other side. Finally, Quan Chi walked out of the portal. "He's not in there!" "But Quan..." "WHAT!?!" Drahmin rubbed his head with his club-hand. "Sumo Santa here in South Town for parade." "...parade?" "Christmas parade," Moloch added. "Why did you not tell me about this before I went and made myself look like an idiot, Drahmin?!" "..........." The sorcerer rubbed his temples. "Fine. Let's just go plan how we're going to kidnap that fat do-gooder. Agreed?" Moloch raised his hand. "Yes, Moloch?" "Can this wait to next week? Me have Christmas Specials to watch." Quan Chi blasted the bulky monster with a flying green skull between the eyes. "Idiot." [---] FORGOT ABOUT JAE Chapter 31: Merry Christmas, Brian Battler! Story packaged with a fruitcake by Shelby Scott, "The Darkheart One" Chapter stuffed into your stocking by Gavin "Gavok" Jasper [---] Last time on Forgot About Jae: - The good guys won the Contest. - Quan Chi is up to something. Really, he is! - Fuuma's *back*! - Gordon has come back in time to protect the birth of Kim Sue Il by stopping futuristic ninjas Mezu and Gozu. And only five people actually know who those four are. - Justin Bailey finally appeared after all these years. No word on if we'll ever see UpupdowndownleftrightleftrightBAstart show up. - Abubo joined SCABS. This is followed by people trying to remember who SCABS actually are. - Dan and OOSHA are after the One-Eyed Sinmeister. - Kyo was kicking it in the Krypt. - We bid a fond farewell to Daniel J. D'arby. And I really, really hope we don't hear from his worthless brother Terrance. [---] Angel, dressed only in a wrapping paper bikini that Clay9999 supplied, went through her gifts with moderate enthusiasm. "Clothes. Clothes. Clothes. More clothes. Clothes. Gift certificate for clothes. And clothes. Thanks, Clay. This is the best Christmas ever. Really." As Angel left the room to put one of her gifts to use, I-no handed a small box to Lord Raptor. "Here you go, baby!" "Aw, ya shouldn't have, babes." The zombie tore through the paper and his face lit up. "Wow! Lemmy Moles!" Clay9999 lifted his eyebrow. "Lemmy?" "Yeah, you know. The guy from Motorhead." Raptor stuck the two Cocoa Puff-sized moles onto his face and beamed. "This is great! And I got a little something for all of you guys." "Oh?" I-no said. "I pulled some strings and you can now consider us associated with Blackheart. Officially!" "Rock on, Raptor!" I-no squealed. "Rock on, babes!" Angel reentered the room dressed in a Mrs. Claus skirt. "You know Clay, I got a little present for you, too." "You're going to keep that on with crazy glue?" "I constructed a plan for tonight. By the time the clock hits midnight, you'll already have had revenge on the man who ruined you." "You mean...?" "That's right, honey. Tonight we're going to kill Battler Man!" Then she bent over to pick up a piece of discarded wrapping paper. Just thought you'd want to know that. [---] "Even now I can feel it..." Bao stared into the bathroom mirror, clutching the sink as he trembled. Beads of sweat dripped down his face as he mentally narrated. "...buried somewhere deep inside... watching me... waiting." His look into the mirror became even more desperate and he began to shake violently. "But you know what scares me the most? When I can't fight it anymore. When it takes over." He closed his eyes. "...I like it." His eye opened again as his skin transformed into a bright white color. His yellow smile stretched across his face. Then he reverted back when he heard a knock on the door. It was Moe. "Bao, I need to take a shower! Finish up! Besides, Brian wants to talk to you." He put his black eye mask back on. "Coming!" Bao Wonder walked out the bathroom and past the towel-clad Battler Girl. He found Battler Man with his cowl off, standing near the entrance to the Battler Cave. "Hey, BM! I saw you win the Contest! You were great!" "Thanks, old chum. Don't call me BM. Sorry I'm late, but that bozo driving the bus brought me back a week late. So I left a Battler Stink Bomb in there." Bao Wonder's eyes widened. "Holy Tardiness, Battler Man! You're going to be late!" "Late for what?" "Don't you remember? You're supposed to be protecting Sumo Santa from the shadows during the Christmas Parade tonight!" "Feh." Battler Man made a fist and shook it sideways. "That's what I think of Christmas." "How can you say that?" "I'll tell you how." [---] An 8-year old Brian Battler finally reached the end of the mall line. He finally got to meet Sumo Santa. Granted, the guy looked nothing like Sumo Santa. His fat was mostly padding. In fact, a strap seemed to hold his beard on. On closer inspection, he looked a lot like a younger Heihachi Mishima. "Wow! Sumo Santa!" "Yo ho ho!" the jolly one cheered. "I thought it was 'ho ho ho'?" "That's what I said. Now what do you want, little boy?" "Santa, all I want is a football." "A football!? You'll put your eye out, kid! Why don't you ask for a bb gun instead?" "But I--" The faux Sumo Santa tossed young Brian down a long slide and laughed, "Merry Christmas, sucker!" [---] "So there you go. But I'm going to help out that fat jackass anyway, because that's the kind of guy I am. And I hear their giving out free candy canes." Battler Man searched his belt. "Say, I think the keys to the Battlermobile are in the Cave. Can you get them for me?" "Sure thing!" Bao Wonder pulled the arm on the Hiesman Trophy and entered. "Wait, didn't I-- AH!" *BAM* *SMASH* *CUT* *CRUNCH* *POW* *BOINK* *OUCH* Battler Man heard a jingling in one of his belt compartments. "Oh. There they are. Never mind, Bao! I found them!" "Ugh..." "That's nice." Battler Man put his cowl on and wandered off. "First I just got to take a leak." He entered the bathroom. There was a ten second moment of silence. "Hey, Moe. Need help with that?" *slap* [---] Eiji Kisaragi walked over to his desk and sat down before his beaten up 1980's computer. He began typing while saying, "Let the heavens cry: Email!" A message showed up. "Dear Eiji, Do you really answer all your mail personally? Crapfully yours, larry6787" The ninja read through the message and groaned. "Great, there's like at least 6786 other boneheads like this guy. Okay, okay. Do I really answer all my mail personally? Sure. Except all those stupid emails about enlarging my Little Eiji. I forward all of those to Billy. He could probably use it. Not that I'm into checking out dudes or anything, but me, Billy and that assface Iori had to use the same locker room back in '95. ...I think I just gave all the yaoi writers something to write about. Please do not send me any of these fanfics and/or art pieces. If I receive them, I'll just forward them to Billy. So, yeah. See you later." [---] A picture of Mayor Khushnood Butt appeared on the monitor. "This is Mayor Butt. He *says* that he's out to help the public, but his actions say otherwise. This is a man who is intent on signing the Fire Tax as he makes his home into Kyo Kusanagi's greedy pocket." Several newspaper clippings appeared to back that claim up. "In fact, it's been proven time and time again that Mayor Butt does nothing more than listen to the commands of Kyo Kusanagi. And it's a proven fact that Kyo Kusanagi lacks a penis or any form of male genitalia. South Town needs a new form of leadership. They need leadership that only a high priest and a man who served the military can bring." Leopold Goenitz appeared on the screen, walking down the street with his spiky-haired associate Cloud at his side. "Hello. I'm Leopold Goenitz. In two weeks, when the ballots are cast, give a vote to the Wellness Endorsement Establishment party. We'll bring South Town back on track. So when you're given the ballot, just say W.E.E." Cloud pointed his monstrous sword at the camera and nodded. "That's right. Vote Goenitz and Strife." A narrator quickly whispered, "Paid for by Goenitz and Strife; part of the W.E.E. party." [---] "You see? That's exactly what I'm talking about." Heihachi turned off the television. "As some of you may know, I am going to toss my hat into the race for mayor of South Town. By having the power over this city, I will be unstoppable. I will even be more powerful than Kyo Kusanagi. But I cannot do it myself." Heichachi turned his chair around to face the most recent incarnation of SCABS, made up of Sharon, Rolento, Abubo, "Howling Mad" Jack and Yoko Kishibojin. "So, SCABS. I want you to make sure that our friends Goenitz and Strife don't make it to the election. Same goes for Khushnood Butt and his Bear. They aren't fit to run my city." Behind him, Kuma the bear growled in agreement. "True, my soon-to-be vice mayor." Sharon smiled. "Well it's about time we got a mission. Consider it done, boss." "ABUBO!" Rolento lit up a cigar. "I'm already coming up with a plan to take them out." "Uh oh," Yoko said. "Looks like Rolento's on the jazz again." Heihachi nodded. "You are dismissed." The five soldiers left his presence with Jack closing the door behind him. When he did, a dark figure with glowing eyes was revealed from hiding. He stared down Heihachi with anger and hatred. "Ah. I'm glad you decided to heed my invitation. I have a special job for you." Heihachi turned around and pressed play on the VCR. "Behold." [---] Khushnood Butt and Bear appeared on the screen. "FACT! Mayor Butt has used his term to raise South Town taxes." A three-eyed woman named The World appeared on the screen with a purple alien named Neo Dio behind her. The World was only dressed in a giant ribbon that floated and wrapped around certain parts of her body. "FACT! The World is wearing only a ribbon." Butt and Bear appeared again. "FACT! Mayor Butt has spent most of his resources tracking down a so-called 'Gym Buster'. He hasn't succeeded in anything other than wasting taxpayer money." World and Neo Dio again. "FACT! The World is wearing only a ribbon. So when you go into your booth to vote, remember which candidate for mayor has a cool alien guy as a running mate and is also a hottie wearing only a strategically placed ribbon. Vote The World and Neo Dio. Paid for by Guys Who Gawk at Chicks in Ribbons." [---] "With this threat, I figured that you would make the best choice for assistance. Don't you think... my son?" Kazuya nodded and grunted. "Yes, father. She's as good as gone." [---] "Eiji, I heard you people kill without even thinking twice about it. Is this true? Regards, Metaljedd" Eiji took a couple seconds to put his thoughts together. "Dear Metaljedd, Do my people kill without even thinking twice about it? By 'you people' I figure you mean members of the David Hasselhoff Fan Club. If so, then the answer is no. We do at some point ponder where we are going to go after doing the killing. Sometimes I -- I don't know -- go to a movie and sometimes I just go back to my place to play some ping-pong with The Gon. By the time I finish figuring out what I'm going to do, my prey is already gone. I guess that's kind of why I was never invited back into the King of Fighters tournament." [---] "Five minutes to showtime, Mr. Santa!" In his red robe with white trim, Santa nodded. "Thank you." As the door shut, the white-bearded fat man tore off the robe, leaving himself in a sumo thong, boots and cap. Sumo Santa was ready. The door cracked open again. "Five minutes to showtime, Mr. Santa!" "You said that already!" "I did?" the man said. "Then let me say something different..." He molded into his true form. "DIE!" "Wha?" Clay9999's arm transformed into a shotgun and blasted Sumo Santa in the shoulder. Candy canes and ornaments flew out the wound instead of blood. Immediately the hole closed up. "So you're made of clay too, huh?" Clay9999 laughed. "Someone's getting lots of coal for Christmas. And I'll see to it that it's shoved straight up your ass!" "Tough talk for a-- wait, did you hear that?" The two paused as they heard a loud pounding from above. Looking up, they could see cracks forming in the ceiling. The ceiling then exploded as Moloch and Drahmin dropped down. Drahmin quickly tossed a swarm of flies to disorient Sumo Santa. While Santa was blinded and swatting his arms about, Moloch used this opportunity to smash his head in with his palmed ball and chain. Sumo Santa fell to his back, completely out cold. Clay9999 kept his arm in shotgun form. "What the fuck is going on here?!" Quan Chi hopped down from the hole in the ceiling and stood between his henchmen. "Calm down, Clay9999. There is no need for us to shed blood... or what have you." "How the hell do you know my name?!" "I know much about you. But there is no need for us to fight, my friend. We have come only to take this idiot's disgusting hide. You are free to go on with your own plot." "'My friend'? I am not your friend, Uncle Fester! I decide who gets out of here alive, you hear me!?" "Now now, Clay9999." Quan Chi pulled out two broadswords. "I think you should calm down." "Swords? You really think swords can shut me up?" To demonstrate, Clay turned his arm into a blade and ran it through his midsection. His body molded back to its regular form. "I see. But if I was to say, tell your girlfriend that you've been trying to cheat on her with Roll Light, only to end up doing the nasty with Shang Tsung, I'm sure that would probably cause you to shut up. Don't you think so?" Clay's eyes narrowed. His arm reverted to normal before his body morphed into Sumo Santa's form. "Freaks." [---] Dr. Doom took a swig from his mug. He set it down on his coffee table and turned to address his protégé, while globs of eggnog flowed down his mask. "Dong, Doom has a mission for you." "Man, do I have to take over Antarctica or something?" "No. ...not this month. Doom needs you to go to the cleaners and pick up Doom's favorite tunic and cape before they close." "I'm bored as it is, so sure. Be back in a bit." "Farewell, Dong." As the door closed, Doom steepled his hands and narrowed his eyes. Then he exploded. Another Dr. Doom walked out of the closet, laughing his ass off. "He really thought it was me. Doom's still got it." Then he exploded. "Shit," another Dr. Doom said. "Must be a crossed wi--" Then he exploded. The real Dr. Doom crawled out from under the couch. "Doom guesses that means no poker tonight." [---] "Whazzap Eiji? Ryo Sakazaki and Iori Yagami are equally distant from you, with one being on your right and the other on your left. Which one do you attack first? Gaijin Dan Mastriani" Eiji coughed during the end of the email in order to cover up the fact that he couldn't pronounce most of it. "Well, Gai... Dan, thanks a freaking lot for telling me how far away they are. For all I know, they might be equally distant from me right now. Do you see me attacking anybody right now? But if you were to mean that they were each, say, fifteen feet away, then here's what I'd do..." [---] Eiji looked over his right shoulder to see Ryo Sakazaki waving to him. "Hewwo thewe, Eiji!" He looked over his left shoulder to see Iori Yagami. "Shi-ne." "Hey, Iori! I am really awesome and you are not! In fact, you are a frigging piece of crap and you like to eat crap!" While Iori's anger grew, Eiji looked back at Ryo. "Hey, dumpface! I'll give you a nickel if you run at me headfirst." "You got it, buddy!" [---] "Then I'd, you know, wait for them to both run at me head first. At the last second I'd probably jump away or disappear, making them hit each other in the head. So there's your answer." After a long pause, Eiji looked down to see his dino midget pal, The Gon, at his feet. "Ah, The Gon. I need you to call Iori and Ryo and tell them to meet me here. Yes, I know what I'm doing." [---] Evil, rich asshole Kyo Kusanagi sat up in bed to hear an ominous howl from down the hallway. "Who is that?" "It's me... son..." "What?" The ghost of Saisyu Kusanagi entered the room, covered with chains. "Dad!? I didn't know you were dead!" "Of course you didn't know. You stopped calling me and your mother a loooong time ago, my boy. Ever since your deal with Blackheart, you're soul has suffered for it..." "Blackheart? How do you know about that?" "I'm dead, you fool! I know much about you..." Kyo tried not to show any fear. "So are you here to haunt me, or what? I can have Donovan Baine come over here if I want. Don't think I can't." "My son... You will be visited by three ghosts tonight. The first will show you the events Christmas of years past... The second will show you the events of Christmas at this time... And the third will show you the events of Christmas yet to pass..." "No shit?" Saisyu rattled his chains as he backed out through the wall. Once he was gone, the silence was interrupted by loud knocking from outside Kyo's door. "Uh, who is it?" The door opened to reveal Kyo's bodyguard Scorpion. "Hey, boss. It's just me." "Scorpion?! You're the Ghost of Christmas Past?" "Yes and no. Bishamon, Hsien-Ko and Xavier Pendragon were supposed to show up, but their car broke down. So they called me to fill in for them." "So you're the Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future?" "Seems so. But I actually have places to go tonight so if you can do me a big favor and act like I showed you the meaning of Christmas or something, that would be great. And try to pretend you're nice for tomorrow." Kyo shrugged. "Okay." "Great! I'll see you tomorrow, boss!" And Scorpion teleported away. Kyo just lay back down, wondering what the hell just happened. [---] "Yo ho ho!" Santa9999 laughed. "That's 'ho ho ho'!" an onlooker yelled. "That's what I said!" Santa9999 looked around and cleared his throat. "Gee, I'm so glad I'm so well protected in case someone was to, say, come and attack me!" He looked up at a rooftop to see the black silhouette of Battler Man looking down at him. Truth be told, it was really just a cardboard decoy to make people think he was working. Battler Man was really a few feet away, reading the latest Maxim. That's when Angel sprung to action. She zipped out of the crowd and appeared behind her boyfriend. She swung her arms a full foot from Santa9999's face while he pretended to be hurting from the assault. "Oh no!" someone screamed. "Santa is being attacked by that voluptuous heathen! Somebody help him!" Meanwhile, two blocks away... Spider-Man hung onto the side of a building when white squiggles appeared over his head. "Spider-sense tingling! There's something wrong at the parade! I better go see what it is!" Venom turned off their invisibility to show that they were hanging next to Spidey the whole time. "Psst! Hey, Parker!" "GAH!" The superhero almost fell off. He clutched his heart. "Don't do that! And stop calling me 'Parker' in public." "Right, right. We need to show you something, Spider." "You mean the trouble at the parade?" "What? No! We just ate the part of Fei Long's brain that tells him to stop doing his vibrating shrieking thing." The blank stare on Spider-Man's mask was apt of how blank Peter Parker's face looked underneath. "...this I have to see." Back to the parade, Battler Man finally put down his magazine and reluctantly followed the screams. "Risking my neck for Sumo Santa. What the hell..." He hopped down from the rooftop to find Angel stomping a mudhole (snicker) into Santa9999. She stopped and looked up at the masked football player. "Hey," Battler Man said, "you know, I have a spot open for a cheerleader if you're interested." Angel made the mistake of trying to kick the Dork Knight in the crotch. Thanks to his Battler Electro Cup, she was the one who took the fall. "Well, that was pretty easy." "You'd think that," Santa9999 told him. "But then you'd change your mind when you taste *this*!" And he hopped into the air and crushed Battler Man from above with a belly flop. Standing back up, he looked down at his sworn enemy and reverted back into his normal form of Clay9999. "Hello, Battler Man." Battler Man stood back up and rubbed his neck. He looked Clay9999 up and down and lifted his eyebrow. "You look familiar. Do I know you?" "You remember the NESTS headquarters? Eight years ago?" "Hmmmm... I was there, yes." "You remember a Kyo clone floating in a tube, next to a box full of experimental face clay?" "Yyyyyeah...?" "Do you remember what you did?" Battler Man looked to his side and silently said to himself, "Kyo clone... Kyo clone..." He turned back to Clay. "Not really." "You accidentally knocked the clay into the tube and made him into a freak of nature." "Oh yeah. Yeah." Clay9999 began to lose his patience. "Well?" "Well what?" Clay cleared his throat and waited a moment before saying, "That was me. I was the guy in the tube." "Soooo..." "So I've, you know, come back for revenge." A half a minute later... "Ohhhhh! Oh." "Yeah." "I did that." "That's right." "And you're like that because I--" Clay nodded. "That is exactly right." "Uh huh." "I was a Kyo clone." "All right, yeah. Okay..." "You made me a freak." "Right, I got it now." "Made me a freak." Battler Man laughed at himself. "Yeah, yeah. I got it. I'm sorry, man, I-I didn't... make the connection... But now, yeah. Wow. So, what're we doing, again?" [---] You might be wondering what Jae is up to during this chapter. Heck, you might even be wondering why he isn't helping at the parade. Well five minutes before Angel's attack, Jae hung around with his Nameless Everpresent Girlfriend and his comrades from Violence Unlimited. It's worth noting that Cracker Jack was wearing a Santa cap that conveniently covered his eyes. Jae took a sip of hot chocolate. "So they say C.C. is going to be able to leave the hospital in a couple days. I should probably give him another visit tomorrow." CJ nodded. "When you do, ask him wear he buys his hats. I wonder if we go to the same place." Poison peeked over hir shoulder to see Quan Chi leading Moloch and Drahmin, who were holding Sumo Santa's body on a stretcher with a sheet covering most of him. "Hey Jae, I think that fat guy you hang out with just had another heart attack." "Chang? Oh no!" Jae noticed the stretcher and ran towards the sorcerer and oni, NEG following after. As the two ran, CJ observed the familiar boots the body was wearing. From what he remembered from meeting him, Chang didn't use footwear of any kind. Something told CJ he should investigate. "Something's not right. Poison, Hugo, follow me. Fuuma, stay here and eat paint chips for all I care." Fuuma scratched his head. "Wait, where's the Driver?" Before following CJ and Hugo, Poison informed, "He's in Vice City, visiting his uncle for the holidays." "Oh." With the rest of Violence Unlimited gone, Fuuma stood alone and enjoyed the parade. Then something ran right into him and knocked him to his back. When his eyes refocused, he saw a familiar face. "Hi, Fuuma!" "Hey, Whip! How's it going?" "Pretty good! I'm here to see Santa!" "That's nice." Fuuma sat up with Whip sitting beside him. They looked to each other and smiled. Whip looked upward and noticed something hanging above their heads. "Look! Mistletoe!" Fuuma saw it as well and smiled. "Neat!" The two slowly moved their faces towards each other. When only an inch apart, they both shouted, "We should eat it!" [---] "Deer Eeji, If u hait Ryou Szakakazi so much, y dont u kil him??? Eric" "Hm... that's actually a pretty good idea. Hold on." [---] Eiji Kisaragi wandered into a field. Standing around in the middle of it was a short, fat, cross-eyed guy in an orange gi with blond hair. "Hey, Ryou Szakakazi!" "Uhhhhhhhhhhh, what iiiiiis it, Eeeeeeeijiiiiiiiii?!" he yelled in a Gomer Pyle voice. Eiji tossed a knife into Ryou's throat and casually walked away. "Say, that felt pretty good. Thanks for the email, Eric." [---] "Why Quan Chi lead good guys up to rooftop?" "Shut up, Drahmin. It sounded like a good idea at the time. Besides, Moloch is handling those idiots quite well." And Quan Chi was right. After receiving a forward somersault kick from Poison and a Hienzan from Jae, Moloch shrugged it off and swatted the two away with his monstrous arm. CJ, on the other hand, went after Quan Chi. "Who the hell are you, and what are you doing with Sumo Santa?" he demanded to know while swinging his bat. The sorcerer blocked with his swords. "My name is Quan Chi. And once I have you morons out of the way, I will rule the world!" CJ ducked a spinning attack. "How?" "By kidnapping Sumo Santa." "And how will that help you rule the world?" "Let's not get into this, please." Quan Chi ducked a swing from CJ and popped him into the air with a sliding kick. He got back up and roundhouse kicked Cracker Jack off the rooftop. "CJ!" Jae yelled. "Do not worry, Jae. He's still holding on. But he hasn't much time. So are you going to save Sumo Santa or let your employer die? Heh heh heh." Jae ran past the albino and reached for CJ. Quan Chi smiled. "Good. Moloch, Drahmin, let's go!" Moloch was currently besting Hugo in a test of strength. "But boss!" "Now, you nimrod!" "Aw, fine." Moloch let go of Hugo and smacked him upside the head. He picked up Sumo Santa's unconscious body and hopped off the rooftop. Drahmin watched CJ struggle as he escaped with Moloch and Quan Chi. "So that why use roof?" "Um... yes! That's exactly why I led them up here! Because I'm brilliant." Jae and NEG pulled Cracker Jack to safety. He smacked Jae across the face. "Stupid kid, you should have gone after him." "But..." "I would have been fine." CJ stood up. "But that doesn't matter now. We have to find those jackasses and save Sumo Santa." Poison watched as Hugo struggled to stand. "I hate to say this, but we might need some help. That blue thing took Hugo apart." "Hrrhggrrr!" "Well, it's true." Jae nodded while wondering how the bald one knew his name. "I'm on it." [---] The fight of Battler Man against Clay9999 and Angel had eventually moved into the insides of an office building adjacent to the parade float. Unfortunately, the crime fighter was outnumbered two to one. It seemed his days were numbered. "Your days are numbered, Battler Man!" Clay9999 screamed until Battler's dark blue fist pounded into his face. *CRUNCH!* "Gah! Angel, finish him off!" Battler Man turned around and swung his fist at Angel. But he missed his mark, leaving Angel to duck under his arm and reach over Battler Man's opposite shoulder. She lifted the hero into the air and slammed him hard onto his back. She pretended to roll up her nonexistent sleeve, crossed her arms, following with an "it's over" motion, zipped past Battler Man's body several times, and finally kicked her leg into the air while delivering an elbow drop to the sternum. Clay9999 blinked. "Uh, yeah." "Clay, look out!" "Huh?" He turned around, just in time to see Battler Girl make her presence known by kicking him in the face. "You guys again? And only at half the size it looks." She took advantage of the stunned Clay by spinning upwards in her own variation of Kyo's Oniyaki attack. With the villain creating a mix between a thud and a squish when landing in somebody's empty cubicle, Battler Girl and Angel stared each other down. Angel tried her hardest to look intimidating while dressed as Mrs. Claus. She wasn't really successful. "Your move." Battler Girl raced at Angel, only to have her zip past and try to attack from behind. Battler Girl elbowed Angle in the face and tossed her over her shoulder. With her enemy in a daze, Battler Girl readied herself for the attack that Brian himself had taught her. Battler Girl twisted towards Angel like a torpedo with her fists out while leaving a trail of cherry blossoms. Angel took the hit head on and was launched towards the window. She broke through the glass and hung on to the windowsill by one hand. "Help! I'm slipping!" The young crime fighter rushed towards the window, reached down and grabbed Angel by the shoulder strap. "And now that I have you, I'm going to bring you two to just...ice?" The only thing she had in her hand was Angel's outfit. Looking down at the alley below, all she could see was the shadow of a woman running away. "Well at least she was wearing underwear," Clay groaned to himself while standing. "Did you say something?" Battler Girl asked. "I said I'm going to fucking kill you!" Battler Man stood back up with a football in hand. "Heads up, Dough Boy." "Huh?!" He whirled the ball right at his rival's face, nailing him so hard that it sunk into the gooey skin. "AH! My eye! You put my fucking eye out!" "I'm not through with you yet." Battler Man shoved a Battler Explosive Yellow Flag into Clay9999's stomach and punched him out the window. *SCOOP!* "Fool!" Clay screamed while descending. "You think this will stop me!?" "Maybe not, but I'm sure it will hurt like hell." "Point." And as the explosion went off, chunks of Clay9999 flew in various directions. Battler Man turned away from the window. "Well, that should keep him out of our hair for the rest of the night. Let's go home and check on Bao Wonder." "Wait," Battler Girl said. "What about Sumo Santa?" "What about him?" "Well if that creep was posing as Sumo Santa, where is the real one during all this?" "Hell if I know. Or care." "Battler Man!" Jae Hoon yelled while running into the room. "Thank God I found you!" "Jae? How *did* you find me?" NEG pointed out the window. "That guy who just exploded had a football sticking out his head. Plus he once attacked Jae and I out of spite for you. We just did the math." "He hates me?" Battler Man said to himself. "Huh. I wonder why." "That's not important," Jae said. "This evil guy named Quan Chi has kidnapped Sumo Santa! We have to save him!" "First off: no. Second off: hell no. Besides, do you even known where this guy lives?" Jae shrugged. "Sorry. I guess I didn't think this far ahead." Then there was a knock on the door. Battler Girl lifted her eyebrow. "Come in?" Scorpion wandered in with a piece of paper in his hands. "Hey, I couldn't help but overhear that you guys are out to beat up Quan Chi. Here, have a map to his place." Battler Man snatched it out of his hands. "Uh... thanks," NEG said. Scorpion walked away. "Don't mention it." Battler Man turned away from the other three. "Well you can still forget about me helping out. I'm out of here." Battler Girl reached for his shoulder pad. "But..." He pushed her hand away. "But nothing. Screw Sumo Santa and screw this joke called Christmas." He hopped out the window that Angel fell through earlier and swung away. Jae shook his head. "Shoot. Oh well, let's just go find CJ and the rest and go save Christmas!" "Uh, Jae honey?" "Yes?" "Battler Man took the map with him." "Shoot." [---] "Dear Eiji, Me and my sister think you're really cute and funny. There are two of us! Waiting for you, Morrigan" "Hey now. *Two* of them! Well, Morrigan. There may be two of you, but there is one of--" "DELETED!" the computer screen said. "What!? No! NOOOO!" [---] Author's notes Well, it wasn't one of my better works, but it's done. My free time took a dive during the holidays, which is why I had to leave it as a cliffhanger. Originally I meant to use Rock and friends with Quan Chi's plot, set up Gordon vs. Megaman X vs. Donovan, and do a scene with Mezu and Gozu (Two Wild and Craaaazy Ninjas!), but I had trouble coming up with ideas for the main plot, which prevented me from writing. Also, it's not too inspiring when you have to follow yourself in an impro. Thanks go out to black dub for prereading. Ideas for emails for the Eiji segments came from the Multimediocre Knight, Metaljedd, and Gaijin Dan Mastriani. Surprisingly, the eDANgelist had no part in this chapter whatsoever :) Up next is black dub. Sock it to 'em. [---] Brian Battler sat on a trashcan, brooding in a deserted alley. "Stupid Christmas. It's nothing more than getting presents that nobody ever wants. It's stupid. Why should I risk my neck to save the thing that represents a holiday I can't stand?" He saw a dobok-wearing figure come his way. "Jae, I told you, I'm not--" Then he noticed that it wasn't Jae Hoon after all. "Oh, sorry. Thought you were someone else." "Happens all the time," Dong Hwan assured him while holding Dr. Doom's green tunic and cape over his shoulder. "Something wrong?" "I'm just having some problems with this holiday, is all." "Oh, I get it. You thought it was Halloween so you dressed up like that and now you feel like an idiot." "You're way off. I guess I just don't have any Christmas spirit. I guess I really don't get what Christmas is all about." Battler Man looked up into the sky. "Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?" With the green cloth over his shoulder, Dong nodded. "Sure, I can tell you what Christmas is all about. Lights, please." A spotlight appeared over Dong. "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. "And that's what Christmas is all about." A tear drifted down Battler Man's cheek. "Wow. I have no idea what most of that means, but it really touched me. Where did you learn that, kid?" "Huh? Sorry, I was just reading that graffiti on the wall behind you." Battler Man turned around. "'And there were in the same...' Wow. Don't know how I missed that before." He patted Dong on the head. "Thanks, kid. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a fat man to save." The superhero ran off in order to find Battler Girl and Violence Unlimited. Dong waved him goodbye. "And I have a tunic to deliver." Then Dong realized that his hands were empty. "What the...?" Next to him was Angel, dressed up exactly like Dr. Doom. "Excuse me, Miss, but did you see somebody steal the green clothes I was holding?" "She... I mean, he went that way." "Thanks. I know now what I must do!" [---] "Dong, where is Doom's tunic?" "I dunno. But I like this eggnog GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"