This is the world's shortest introduction scene. Now it is over. [---] Forgot About Jae CHAPTER 21: No Mention of Grape Jelly This story created as punishment for us sinners by Shelby Scott. This chapter read to the Baby Jesus just to make him cry by OgOpOgO-. This is an RECBT clone. Would I lie to you? Well yes, yes I would. And I'll do it again. [---] Last time on Forgot About Jae: - Orochi was revealed to be a pussy. Just one big, whiny pussy. - A random security Kyo clone was killed by Iori. I miss him already. - Jae, NEG, Choi and Chang visited the dedication statue of Kim Kap Hwan. - Then Grahf316 forced us all to relive Kim's death. Afterwards, I cried softly into my pillow for almost an hour. - Dee Jay was put on 'The List', and we witnessed Dong Hwan's amazing counting ability. - Rock, Stone, and Sakura visited OOSHA, and were sent to retrieve Chu Chu before Rock would be allowed to take Blanka's anklets. Smells like a fetch quest to me. - OOSHA then declared Jihad upon the Church of Athena and the Scrub Corps. - Albert Einstein fought Hitler bare-knuckle, and brought freedom to our world. - Other stuff happened too. Important stuff. But I've spent too long here already. [---] "Megaman has finally reached the end of the trail that was left, unbeknowst to Megaman, by Megaman X, Megaman's something-like-a-brother but probably not really. But what will Megaman do when he finds his sister, Roll, in a love nest with the diabolical Chick Magnet Man, who had captured her from under the nose of Megaman X, the Megaman from the Future, himself?" The Blue Bomber carved a path through a mountain of robotic debris. Before him stood Love Shack Castle, a tribuite to Li'l Wily's Skull Castle. Well, not much of a tribute, really. It was just an apartment above an adult video store in a sleazy neighborhood. Beside the door with the flashing, neon "XXX" sign was a door with a small "C. Magnet Man" note taped over a doorbell. Doorbell indeed. Chick Magnet Man was going to be eating hot plasma in a nano- second, and there would be no ringing of the doorbell. But first, three shadowy forms dropped from the roof of the building to the street in front of Megaman with distinct metal 'ka-chink' sounds. "Oh, crap. Not more reject Robot Masters." The first shadow stepped under the light of a street lamp. "Is that you, Cut Man?" asked Megaman. "NO! I'm..." powerpose "All Out of Ideas Man!" "'Cause you look like Cut Man." All Out of Ideas Man tapped his foot and sighed. "Look. Wily's getting on in age. His mind isn't what it used to be. Let's just go with it, and I'll cut off your head." "Or I could rip up a chunk of this street and crush you with it. We could try that," offered Megaman. Then the blue bot ripped up a chunk of the street and crushed All Out of Ideas Man with it. "Ho-ho! Megaman, the Megaman of the present, is a powerful robot indeed. But I, Megaman X, the Megaman of the Future, am even more powerful. Or perhaps not. I will watch from my vantage point atop this phonebooth, and strike when needed." Megaman quickly absorbed his enemy's data. "What a rip-off!" he complained. "This is just another Mega Buster with a different color scheme!" The next Robot Master stepped into the light. "I'm... Yet Another Man!" "Oh man," moaned Megaman. "No. 'Yet Another Man'," the robot repeated. Megaman glared daggers at the stupid thing. "How many more of you guys are there?" The last shadow stepped up beside his partner. "I'm The Last Man," he declared with a powerpose. "Good. Great! Fantastic!" Megaman threw his arms into the air and sighed with relief. "Look, it'll take me hours to cycle through all of the weapons that I've got. Why don't you just help me save some time and tell me what you're both weak against?" Yet Another Man bit his nails and looked about nervously. "I hate..." he began, and seemed to jump at his own voice. "I hate... squash." "Boom. Squash Cannon it is." Megaman blinked and his color scheme turned green. Then he vaporized his foe with a single blast... of squash. "And you?" Megaman asked, turning to The Last Man. "Ha! I'll never help you!" The Last Man taunted, and slapped his bottom. Megaman seethed. "Fine, Turn You Inside Out Beam it is." The Last Man went wide-eyed with fear. "Scat Man's Poop Shoot!" "Oh," Megaman winced, "That isn't much better, but..." Blink, plink, boom. "There, now I can--" "Oh no! Megaman is being attacked from behind. It's time for some secret help from Megaman's secret advanced form, Megaman X, the secretive robot from the Future!" Megaman X leapt into action. With one shot from his X Buster, Sneaky Man was reduced to component parts. At the sound of the explosion, Megaman turned about. "Ha-HA! Rock. That was a close call, for I just jumped off of that phonebooth to save you from Sneaky Man, who was sneaking up behind you, no doubt with evil thoughts in mind. But forgive my intrusion. I will leave now to let you go about your business, Rock. For I am just--" Brad Vickers walked between the two blue robots. "--just... a..." Megaman X's eyes followed the passing S.T.A.R.S. agent. "'Just a' what, X?" asked the other Megaman. X thought to himself, what was it that Dr. Wily used to say? In his mind, he recalled the mad genius's voice. "X, never put salt in your eye." No, that wasn't it. The doctor shared more wisdom. "Use the Force, X." No... "That gas will alter your memory banks, causing you to be driven to feed off the flesh of humanoids to survive! Bwahahahahahahahaha!" Bingo! [---] Brad "Chickenheart" Vickers continued down the sidewalk, oblivious to the flesh- eating robot from the Future slinking after him. "I've got to get out of this town. When the shit hits the fan, I don't wanna be ar--" He tensed at the sound of a creepy soundtrack starting up. "BOOGA BOOGA!" cried out Megaman X as he leapt up in front of Brad, wiggling his fingers in the air all spooky-like, and practically foaming at the mouth. "Oh damn." Acting quickly, Brad drew his gun and put a bullet into X's forehead. The mad robot fell forward onto Brad, and sunk his teeth into the pilot's shoulder, before collapsing on the ground. Advanced robot or not, a high caliber bullet to the head is going to knock you just a little bit silly, like a good left hook would do to a normal man. Bitten, but not beaten, Brad ran away from his problems again. Too bad a few hours later he'd be completely under the affects of the T-Virus now spreading through his system. [---] Megaman kicked the front door off of its hinges and leveled his blaster. Then he cursed to himself when the only thing on the other side was a flight of stairs. He ran up the steps, and kicked in the next door. "All right, get your God damned hands off of Roll!" A stunned and naked blond girl sat up quickly, then fell off of the couch as Chick Magnet Man did the same. "Shit, it's my brother," squeaked Roll. "Oooh *FUCK* me! I just saw my sister naked! I saw like all of her flesh. God damn it!" Megaman peeked from behind his covered eyes and aimed his blaster at the stunned Robot Master. "Damn it, damn it! You made me see my sister's little boobies. Now you are fuckin' dead. I mean, you were dead before, but now... now you are *really* fuckin' dead!" He blew off Chick Magnet Man's torso with an overcharged Buster shot. Megaman is good on his word. Roll stood up, holding her red dress in front of herself. She stared at the floor and blushed a bright red. It was so embarrassing to be seen like that by her own brother. But she knew, deep down inside, that later she would be pissed at Rock for blowing up her boyfriend. However, Megaman had just automatically assimilated the data from his fallen enemy. Without thinking, he switched the power on to see what it was like. His blue armor was replaced with an iridescent copy. "Huh, it's a lot like Pimp Man's color," he mused. "Oh cool. I've got Playa Charisma!" Roll thought to herself, how can he be worried about new weapons when I'm standing here like this? She was about to tell him off, when she glanced up into his eyes. His dreamy, sexy blue eyes. She let the dress fall to the ground. Then she pounced on Megaman. "What the!?" cried Megaman. It was a good enough question, but then he realized the robot power he was using. Crap. Now, a good little Megaman would've turned off the power, clothed his sister, and taken her home. But this Blue Bomber had come across a few hundred of Wily's most warped robots in the past few days. It's a little difficult to keep the data on Robot Masters like Pimp Man, Dirty Old Man, Hentai Man, and Alone on a Saturday Night and Looking for Porn Online Man (just to name a few) without letting a bit of that data affect other thought processes. So it was that when Megaman X came up into the room, he had little choice but to shout out: "What the Holy Fuck are you two doing? My god, Rock, that's your sister! Why are you doing that?" Reflexively, X covered his eyes. "Guys, stop! Aww, geez. You were both created by the same man! You're like family!" He continued to plead with the pair, who didn't seem to hear a word of it, while he peeked out at the scene from between his fingers. "Aw! Aw god, no. Why? Why are you two doing this? Oh, it's sick! SICK! Awwww damn. Geez. I'm gonna throw up." He paced around the room, stealing glances at the two on the couch, and throwing his arms into the air in dismay each time. "I'm gonna hurl all over this place. AWW DAMN! Aww *crap*! Oh, oh what's this? What did I just do? I just turned on the cameras in my eyes! Oh why? I'm recording this! Oh, it's wrong. It's immoral. It's twisted." X dropped all pretense of trying to look away, and instead circled around the couch for a better look. "Oh gag me. That's... that's... no, man, don't put your hand there. Awww, no. No. That is just terrible. Oh, no! Roll, no. Don't touch that... you don't know where it's been." He gagged a little, then continued. "Oh... aww no. No. Why? What am I doing? Aww, aww. I just handed you two some body oils. Awww, geez, that is sick. I'm fucked up. This is fucked up. Why is this happening? Aww, oh man, I just connected remotely to the internet, and I'm uploading all of the footage of this." X pounded his fist against the table. "Aww! AWW! Man, I just sent Dr. Wily an e-mail with a direct link to this video! Why would I do such a thing? Sick. Geez. I... I couldn't bare to watch this much longer than, say, three hours. Or however long it takes you both. He sat down in an easy chair, and took out a bowl of popcorn. "Aww, that is just wrong." [---] Meanwhile, RobotGenius01 was interrupted from his Instant Messages when his computer announced "You've got mail!" "Oh goodie!" Li'l Wily opened up his e-mail, and experimentally clicked on the link inside. Immediately a butt-naked Roll appeared on screen, arching her back and crying out. It took a moment for realization to hit him, but then Wily began laughing like a madman (which he is). "Ha HA, I've done it! I've done it at last. I've succeeded in my plan. My glorious, glorious plan." Bass ran into the room, "Doc? You did it?" Taken by surprise, the doctor began banging on the keyboard, trying to close the window. "Uh, uh, yeah. Yeah. Hey Bass. Didn't know you were here tonight." "Yeah. But Doc, did I just hear you right? Did you say you've succeeded in your plan? Did you finally destroy Megaman and take over the world?" "Uh, what? Huh?" Bass looked confused, "Your plan, right?" Now Wily looked confused. "To... destroy Megaman?" Bass offered. Wily didn't seem to be getting it. "To... take over... the world?" Bass added, weakly. Wily shrugged. "The goal you've been trying to achieve for almost two decades?" "Ooooh! Oh my plan," exclaimed Wily, "Yeah, yeah that plan. Certainly not any plan involving Rock and Roll doing naughty things." He chuckled half-heartedly. "Er, no. I didn't succeed. I was just kidding. Ha, got you! Got you good." "Riiiiiight. Funny you would mention that about Rock and Roll, since you helped create them and are a sort of second father to them." "Ye- yeah," Wily stammered, "That'd just be sick." But then when Wily turned back to his computer, after skillfully dodging Bass's suspicions, he was alarmed to see his system had crashed. L'il Wily burned with rage. [---] Meanwhile, in a world totally removed from what (or who) Megaman was doing, half of Violence Unlimited jumped from rooftop to rooftop in downtown Southtown. Leading them on their way was a warped Bomberman, with flex-tube limbs and a digital display on his chest. "So he *says* to me, he says, 'you wanna be evil?', and I says 'Yeah baby', and he says 'you're gonna need a gimmick', and I says 'Hiiiiiiiiigh *exPLOsives*!'." He tossed bomb after bomb across the roofs and down into the streets, all the while his eyes growing wilder and wilder. "'CAUSE I'm the Evil Midnight Bomberman, What Bombs at Midnight! HAhaHaHAHahahA!" Two rooftops back, Cracker Jack and Kim Jae Hoon picked up the pace. They'd left Hugo behind almost two blocks ago. "Come on, kid!" called C. Jack over his shoulder, "We gotta catch that loon before midnight, or half this city will be leveled. Mayor Rodriguez won't pay up after that." Jae Hoon looked across the cityscape to the clock tower. 11:52. "This is ridiculous," said Jae between measured breaths, "He moves too fast. It doesn't make sense for someone his size." Jae sped up and leapt across another chasm-like alleyway. "You're right. We're moving closer to Sharon. Keep to the right side of the buildings and force Atomic Bomberman to the left." Jack fumbled for his radio. "Sharon, the target is heading your way. Slow him down." "Roger that," crackled the radio. "HA-Ha. So he goes, he says, 'you gotta be quick, man, you gotta be all over this town' and I says 'Yeah baby! I've got the *ticket*. I've got ROLLERSKATE power-ups!'" He tossed another bomb up into the night sky. From her vantage point a few buildings away, Sharon watched it sail through the air from the center of her crosshairs. She pulled the trigger on Sniper-chan. Atomic Bomberman skidded to a halt before the explosion. "Whoa," he said breathlessly, then his mouth curled up in a smile. "BOOM, BABY, BOOM!" A flash of Tae Kwon Do flew past him, coming to a stop at the roof's edge. Bomberman swung around to see Cracker Jack behind him. "Uhhhhhhhhhh*hi*. I was just, uh, you know, uh... out for a stroll, get some fresh air aaaNNND BOOM! I says to him, I says, 'I am BAD, but *bad* is GOOOOD, BaBy!' Heh-HA." Bomberman paused. "Just out for a stroll." C. Jack nodded, "Take him out, kid." Jae walked forward purposefully. "You'll NEVER take me aliiive, cOPPer. I'm going *all* the way to the BUTTER PALACE and I'm tAKing my *whole* cargo of kittens! 'Cause I'm the EVIL Midnight Bomberman, What Bombs at Midnight!" And to prove his point, he tossed five bombs towards Jae. The fighter hopped back, away from the blasts. "Evil, huh? Evil can NOT be forgiven," Jae declared, shaking his bangs out from in front of his face. But then he was forced to evade another volley of explosives, making his declaration sort of null. "This is nuts," Jae called to Jack. Cracker Jack spoke into his radio. "Sharon, take the shot." "No can do," crackled the reply, "He's moved behind a water tower." "All right, then." Cracker Jack advanced on Bomberman. "Ha-HA," the madman cackled, lobbing a bomb at Jack, "In *two* minutes, you'll all be EAting *building* foundation!" Cracker Jack 'feh'd. "I don't think so," he said, taking a step forward, "I'd like to see you try that again." Cracker Jack pointed directly at Atomic Bomberman. Bomberman complied. He was probably already thinking the same thing. Another bomb was hurtled at Jack. Cracker Jack smiled at the bomb, and wound back with his steel bat in hand. He had just called his shot, and he never missed a called shot. *CRACK* The bomb sailed straight into Bomberman's chest plate, and it's fuse reached its end. The explosion turned the bomber's body and limbs to ash instantaneously. A moment later, his hands fell to the ground, and his head followed them closely. "Wanna buy a monkey?" the head asked. [---] Rock, Stone, and Sakura walked through the ruins of Dilapidated Way St., the former battleground of Chu Chu and Bad Mr. Frosty, as chronicled on the 11 o'clock news. It had been weeks, however, since the battle. Now most of the rubble was cleared out, and most of the damaged buildings were already completely demolished. "Ah, this is a bust," groaned Rock. "This place is mostly deserted, there isn't even anyone to ask about which direction Chu Chu was last seen to be heading." "We'll figure something out," said Sakura while she gently massaged Rock's shoulder. "At this point, Sakura, one of us is going to need to grow fifty feet and start tearing down buildings. Either that, or we find the Chosen One." Then Stone Krauser tapped Rock on the arm, and indicated across the street. "Maybe this doesn't have to be a total bust, eh, cousin?" As luck would have it, some guy had just dragged a shrieking woman down a dank alley... but not without attracting the attention of a certain masked vigilante first. [---] "Let her go, punk, and I'll only beat you into a coma instead of beating you to death," commanded Casey Jones in a breathy voice that was muffled by his hockey mask. The criminal waved his knife towards Casey. "So you want to do it the hard way, huh? That's fine with me, scum-bag." Casey drew a hockey stick off of his back as if it were a sword. "But the hard way leaves a lot of bruises, you realize?" Then Casey Jones received a punch to the center of his back, and an elbow to go with it. Before he knew it, he was airborne and assaulted by at least a dozen kicks. He slammed down onto the concrete hard on his back, and fell unconscious, even as Rock landed beside him and ran his fingers through his... oh, that silly sombrero. Rock looked to the criminal and his victim, the first freaking out, and the other silently sobbing. Slowly, he reached down, removed Casey's mask, removed his own sombrero, placed the mask on his head, and placed the sombrero back on top of it. Then he turned and walked away. "*Ahem*" Sakura coughed. She crossed her arms and shook her head at Rock. "What?" he shrugged. "You know better." "*Sigh* ... Fine," he submitted, pulling the hockey mask down over his face and spinning around on his heel. Then he charged at the punk, who yelped with surprise and slashed with his blade. But Rock sped by him so quick as to be a blur, and quickly tossed the man into the air with a Shinkuu Nage. As the poor sap slid down the side of the building, Rock readied a blast of energy and released it into the falling target-- Sending him straight through the brick wall, the room inside, and the next wall after that. "Whoa," Keanu'd Rock in surprise, as he flipped up his hockey mask again. "I've never done that before." This damned silly outfit... was really starting to pay off. [---] That guy from Liberty City drove down the street. Really, what else would he do? What else had he done in the last couple weeks? Being stuck inside this wheeled harness, Daddy's Revenge, was beginning to suck away his will to live. The guy seemed to wimper, seemed to cry inside, each time he saw a shiny sports car pull up to a redlight with its driver paying more attention to his own blaring music rather than the people around him. Such easy targets. Such fast cars. How he wanted-- "Hey!" The guy from Liberty City startled out of his despair at the closeness of the voice. He spun around in place, and stared down into a face he didn't recognize. "You think you're a great wheelman?" Shrug. "You know who I am?" Head shake. "I'm Tanner. I am *the* wheelman." Roll of the eyes. "Jacking cars and doing jobs is my gig, and I don't need competition." Raise of an eyebrow. "Bitch." Tanner grabbed the guy, and threw him down to the ground. The guy stood up, flexed his fingers, and dusted off his jacket. Slowly, a smile creapt across his face. He turned and walked towards the nearest open business. He had to pee like a mother-fucker, and it had been a long time since he had been able to undo his own fly. Tanner, smiling smuggly from inside the Daddy's Revenge, became irritated when the guy didn't seem to care that he, a carjacker, had just been carjacked himself. He would have ran after him, and punched in the jaw or something, but suddenly he realized... he couldn't remove his arms from the wheels. [---] Poison picked up the ringing phone. "Violence Unlimited. You point, we mangle beyond recognition." Shi listened to the voice on the other end and blew a bubble. The bubble gum popped. "Computer job, huh? Well have you talked to SOREASS yet? Already booked, huh? [---] Meanwhile, across town, Solid Snake slid along a cold, metal wall. Carefully, he peaked around the corner and into a room of lab technicians and armed guards. Quietely, he checked the magazine on his SOCOM. Silently, he cringed to himself when from behind him-- "Ow! I stubbed my toe. Aww, it hurts," whined Raiden. Snake's eyes went wide, and he put a finger to his lips to tell Raiden to keep the noise down. But it was too late. "Huh? What was that noise?" asked a curious, if not unnecessarily vocal, guard. Then, Snake's codec rang. Otakon always had something to say right when Snake was in the middle of a time sensitive action sequence. Christ. How had 'Snake, Otakon, and Raiden's Espionage, Assault, and Surveillance Service' even lasted this long? [---] "SOREASS can be a pain in the rear to work with, anyway," said Poison, continuing to smack at hir gum. "Why don't'cha tell me the specifics of this job, then." Shi began jotting down info, "Uh huh. Yeah, I hate his OS too. My computer's crashed three times in the last week. It's a shame when you can't trust a big corporation to turn out a quality product. Uh huh, I hate his crazy hair and glasses too. Too much of a nerd. Good to hear the point of this job will be to mangle his face beyond recognition. Uh huh. Alright, then, Mr. Wily... okay, uh, Li'l Wily," Poison twirled her finger around her ear, "let me put'cha on hold for a sec." Shi placed the handset down on the base, and hit a few buttons to call Jack. "Yeah," came Cracker Jack's reply. "Boss, an Albert Wily wants us to rough up that big time computer nerd." "Hang on, Sharon," whispered Jack before he spoke clearly into the phone. Poison rolled her eyes. "What big time computer nerd?" "The guy responsible for this shitty operating system on our computer, that crashes every other day. The guy with the shameful hair style and thick glasses, and more money than God." Cracker Jack's voice was grave, "Iggy Koopa." Jack practically spit the name. "The one and only." "We'll take the job." "There'll be a small computer job with it. Inserting a virus into his computer." "That's fine," replied Jack, and he hung up quickly. Poison picked up the phone. Hit the hold button. "Li'l Wily? You've found your team." [---] Cracker Jack stood before his assembled crew. Fuuma, Hugo, Jae Hoon and his Nameless Everpresent Girlfriend, and VU's driver. "Alright," said Jack, getting everyone's attention. Except for NEG. Her attention was on what her hands were doing inside Jae's clothing. That being said, Jack only had about half of Jae's attention. "Hit the lights, Sharon." The lights went out, and a projector came on. Iggy Koopa, a spiny shelled, bipedal turtle, appeared on screen. "This is our next target," began CJ. Jae put his hand up. "Yes, kid. Evil. Very. Probably sells poisoned milk to school children. But we're after him because he is the owner of Koopasoft, the makers of the least stable computer OS on the planet." Jae smiled contently. Was it because he was fighting evil, or because NEG had gotten more frisky when the lights went off, no one knew. The screen changed to an ariel view of a heavily fortified castle on an island. "This is his castle sanctuary, about 30 klicks off the coast." Jack indicated various craft in the air and water. "The island in surrounded by Koopa's own military. Sea vessels here, and flying battleships in patrol above." The view changed to a zoomed picture. "On land, we'll have tanks to contend with. Getting past these three defenses is our fist objective. Our team is small, and we'll be under the cover of night, so I believe we can get to the island with relative ease." NEG gave Jae a good squeeze, and he reflexively jumped up out of his seat. "Yes, kid, what is it?" "Oh, uh. What... will our transportation be?" "Good question." Jae sat down, happy that went well. NEG gave him a pat on the back. "We'll move in by boat. Now, we don't own a boat, but our overly skilled driver will steal--" Jae looked alarmed. "Will pick up the boat my friend is lending us," Jack corrected, before adding a knowing look to the driver. "Our guy will then stay with the boat, while Fuuma, Hugo, Jae, and myself cross to the castle." "We have to move past the tanks next. Research shows that in the past, fat little plumbers have been able to do so with relative ease by simply hopping from tank to tank. While our mission will be a little more covert, the indication is that the army is slow and dimwitted, not unlike Fuuma." The view changed to a picture of Fuuma. "Hey! I'm not slow." "Worse comes to worst," continued CJ, "the tanks are made of wood. I'm not too afraid of tanks made of wood. Jae, you can burn 'em down. Hugo can toss a few around." "I'm a ninja," offered Fuuma, "Ninja's can cut through tanks like a hot knife through gravy!" He gave his compratriots two thumbs up. "Hey, that's great Fuuma. Be more quiet now." The screen changed to a profile of four different Koopas. "The inside of the fortress is a mystery to us. What we are almost certain of is that at least half of Iggy's family lives with him." Jack indicated each of the potraits. "Wendy. Larry. Lemmy. And the big guy, Bowser, himself." CJ pointed to Hugo, "That's why you are coming along. I wouldn't chance trying to get your hulking form through on a covert mission if it wasn't for the off chance that we might have to contend with the King of the Koopas." "Hnnnnhhhrrgh," affirmed Hugo. "Good. Then that is everything. We'll each be carrying a disk with a computer virus provided by our contractor. During the mission, we have to infect Iggy's mainframe with the virus. Doing that, and punking Iggy's ass, are our only objectives. Hugo and our driver know their parts. Jae and Fuuma, you two and I will be working seperately once inside. The point will be to find Iggy with as little trouble as possible. Should the need arise, however, we want the odds to be faily even with the turtles." Cracker Jack nodded for Sharon to hit the lights. "So that's it," C. Jack finished. "I shouldn't need to tell you all that besides the immense enjoyment I'll get from paying back that little turtle bitch, this job is also worth a lot of money. The sheer scope of the defenses we'll have to contend with should be proof enough of that." With a nod, everyone stood up, ready to begin. [---] At approximately 0900 hours that night, Cracker Jack and his Violence Unlimited team infiltrated the Koopasoft headquarters. The mission had gone off without a hitch so far. Now came one of the most difficult parts. Jack had to give the signal to split up, and that meant letting Fuuma go loose. Fuuma was, unfortunately, unpredictable. He had the capacity to be a great diversion just because of this. In fact, it was best to let him go on his own, so that when he attracted attention (and no doubt he would), it would be focused on him. Unfortunately, this could result in heightened defenses all around the castle. Nevertheless, the team split up into three groups. Fuuma on his own. Cracker Jack and his muscle, Hugo. Jae Hoon and his Nameless Everpresent Girlfriend. Oh sure, Jack hadn't mentioned her at the meeting. But it was sort of implied. After leaving the others, Jae had ascended the first flight of stairs he came to. The wing he had chosen was unusually dark, and this gave him the nagging feeling that he was going the wrong way. Fortunately, it created other feelings. Namely, the feeling of NEG's hand held firmly against his ass so that she wouldn't lose her way in the dark. Silently, Jae dispatched evil fungus, evil bats, evil turtles, and an evil potted plant. It was a good night for justice... but his target still eluded him. [---] Elsewhere, Fuuma darted from between the shadows of stone pillars and statues of Bowser. He was silent, but he was deadly... no, wait, that would describe a fart. He was, uh... he was quick, and he was unseen. Yeah, that's good. With ninja-like agility, he jumped into boiling lava pits (oh... replace 'ninja-like' with, maybe, 'senior-citizen-like'). With cat-like reflexes he was squashed by falling Thwomps (did I say cat-like? I meant blind-man-like). Finally, he made his way to a pitch black room. Oh, today was not a good day for him. Why was he so off his game, he wondered. He'd eaten his Shinobi Flakes this morning. He was wearing his Ryu Hayabusa boxers. Oh no. It hit him. He'd missed The Late Show with Rikimaru and Ayame last night. He knew he felt odd when he fell asleep that night. Like he hadn't gotten his dosage of Sweet Ninja Tricks (most tricks involved cutting off an audience member's head) and the Ninjitsu Top Ten. Darn. Darn darn. Why had he gotten so into Iori Yagami's Happy-Happy Fun Magic Sing-Song Hour Jamboree? Was seppuku the answer now? Suddenly, he was forced out of his self-reprimanding thoughts by a bright spotlight shining down on him. From the faint light now cast about the room, he could see the forms of dozens of tiny, black clad, star-like things. Ninjas! "Kill the intruder!" one of the ninjas shouted in a high pitched squeal. Then they came at him. [---] You know, speaking of ninjas, let's see what Mai Shiranui's chest is up to. I mean-- let's see what Mai Shiranui is up to. The kunoichi, clad in her typical drafty attire, wasn't actually doing much. Like any good ninja, she was splattering the insides of her foes across the walls. And, like any good female, she shopping for clothing. So it was that the escalators at Macy's ran red with the blood of a hundred shoppers. Her mission accomplished, Mai made her way to the front doors. "Andy's gonna fall all over me when he sees what I've picked out," she said dreamily, visions of Andy's Firm Ass shaking in her head. Abruptly, she dropped her bags to the ground. "My Boobie Sense is jiggling." Before her, the automatic sliding doors gave a mechanical hum and parted. (This would be a good time to get Duel of the Fates running through your head.) Ayane, the purple haired vixen with the big bow tied to her back, looked up and locked eyes with Mai. Mai's eyes went wide with shock. "At last, I've found you. After hundreds of miles of riding on public transportation, I've found you." Ayane stood up a little bit straighter. The subtle motion became magnified ten- fold on her ample chest. Oh, I said her motion was subtle, not me. I'm pretty damned blatant about things. I mean, look at those jugs. They're outrageous. And you know, she's like sixteen. Does that even seem right? I mean, possible, sure, but likely? Well. I'm not gonna hold it against her. Oooooh, but she can hold them against me. Oh hell yeah. Oh, ah ha... yeah. Forgot about Forgot about Jae. "The Bounce is strong with you, young Ayane." Mai flipped open a fan, and her loveliness jiggled about. "But I'm number one," Mai declared. She and Ayane dropped into fighting stances. At last the fated battle had begun. Boy, it was gonna be a flesh fest. [---] Jae Hoon and his girlfriend worked their way quietly down the hallway. From a doorway up ahead, light and laughter was spilling out into the darkened corridor. Jae listened to the voices, trying to decide just how many enemies were in the next room. Some muffled conversation, and then what sounded like two voices laughing in response. The laughter was definately from a male and a female. Jae strained to hear the voice they were laughing at, but he couldn't make it out. Hesitantly, he chanced a peek around the corner. He nodded to himself. "Who is it?" mouthed NEG. "Space Ghost," Jae whispered. He pointed at the spot where they stood. "Stay here," he mouthed. Silently, Jae made his way up behind the couch where Larry and Wendy Koopa sat watching television. On the TV, Space Ghost narrated his documentary on why sharks explode. Well, thought Jae, best to do this the fair and just way. Jae announced himself with a loud "Ahem". Wendy and Larry looked back at him. They seemed a bit surprised to see a student of Tae Kwon Do in the room with them. Then again, it wasn't too often that this kind of thing happened. "Can we help you?" asked Wendy, unsure of herself. "Oh," Jae was caught off guard. He thought for sure his intrusion was a good enough reason to have a fight. Well, why not see how things went. "Yeah, actually. I was hoping I could find Iggy Koopa. Would you... " Jae shrugged his shoulders, "... know where to find him?" "Sure. Um. Go down this hall to the left," Larry pointed back out the door, "Then take the first stairwell down two flights and keep to your right. He should be behind the big, double doors you pass." "Well, thanks." Jae waved as he left the room. He took NEG's hand and led her were Larry had said. Wendy looked at Larry. "Should we try to stop him? Beat him up or kick him out, or something?" "I dunno," shrugged Larry, "He didn't look like a plumber to me." "I'm going to follow him," said Wendy, "He's... cute." When she smiled, she bared large fangs. Larry frowned. He thought his sister was too young to be dating. [---] CJ and Hugo, taking a more direct route to where they hoped the mainframe computer would be, arrived at the pair of overly large, red doors first. Tightening his grip on his trusty bat, Jack indicated for Hugo to open the doors. Behind them, seated in front of an immense computer screen taking up the far wall of the huge room, was Iggy Koopa. Well it doesn't get any better than this, thought Jack. "IGGY KOOPA," called Cracker Jack, and at the sound of the booming voice, the young koopa prince spun about in his leather chair. "What the?" he gawked. Then he saw the giant German crack his knuckles and start marching his way. "Meh... Mecha Koopas!" he shouted out in terror. Immediately, a small army of robotic, wind-up turtles marched into the room from two doors on opposite walls. "Kill the intruders," Iggy squealed, pointing at Hugo and CJ. The two men were overwhelmed by the sheer number of robots. CJ was slowly being surrounded by the things, even as he batted them back towards the stone walls. Hugo had started out by stomping the koopas, which seemed to put them under for a while, but after a few of them latched onto his backside it became easier for more of them to dig into his body. CJ was thankful when Jae and NEG arrived. Immediately, the young man started stomping and booting the Mecha Koopas away. The small army of devices, having to attack three opponents now, quickly fell to pieces. After a few koopas let go of Hugo to attack Jae, the wrestler began throwing the things off of himself. Soon, the three men of Violence Unlimited where staring down at a frightened Iggy. Iggy chuckled meekly, and bit at his finger nails. The three men stepped closer. "LEMMY!" shouted Iggy. Lemmy rolled into the room balanced on top of a ball and giggling like a madman. Behind him marched a dozen or so ninjas, who were carrying a soundly beaten Fuuma above their heads. Cracker Jack smiled maliciously. "You seem to think I give a damn about Fuuma." *CRACK* Jack's bat connected with a satisfying sound against the side of Iggy's head. Immediately, Hugo and Jack began mercilessly beating the software tyrant. "Jae, get that virus uploaded." Even as Jae nodded, and searched for a place to insert the floppy, Lemmy's ninjas dropped Fuuma and charged at Iggy's attackers. Lemmy giggled, then broke out into a wild laughter. He was about to join the battle, when something grabbed his ankle. Fuuma. "You... still... have to... beat... me," choked the noble warrior. But it probably would have been more dramatic if he hadn't passed out right then. Lemmy tittered and broke out with more insane giggling, then hopped onto Fuuma's chest, and began bouncing his ball off of the ninaja's forehead. He giggled with each sound of the *thwack* the ball made against the ninja. Yeah, Lemmy giggled a lot. And no, he didn't do much else. With the last of his energy, Fuuma cursed the fact that he had never learned a Desperation Move. Wendy Koopa entered the room to this chaotic scene. The cute kid was working at the main console. Lemmy was dancing on the body of some guy with flaming red hair. A giant and some guy with a crazy hat were beating the hell out of Iggy, and simultaneously trying to throw ninjas off of their bodies. And the room was littered with the parts of dozens of Mecha Koopas. After she picked up her jaw, she ran to a panel near the door and hit the alarm. The warning klaxon caught everybody's attention, and the collective group turned embarrassed looks towards the koopa princess and the quickly growing assembly of Goomba guards behind her. "*What* is going on here?" she demanded. Her answer was a rythmic pounding approaching from the corridor behind her. "Oh shit," she groaned. Bowser's shadow loomed over her form. She turned, and said as sweetly as she could, "Hi, daddy." "What ish all thish racket!" Bowser bellowed. Bowser was smashed. Wendy cursed to herself. Daddy was hitting the bottle again. Either his latest scheme was just foiled by the Mario brothers, or Peach had turned down another one of his advances. Before anybody could answer him, though, he teetered, and tottered, and fell to the ground with a thunderous sound. How embarrassing, Wendy thought. Passed out drunk in front of all these strangers. Jack laughed to himself, and punched Hugo on his arm. "He was easier to defeat than I thought." "Hhhrrrnngh." "Let's just get out of here," suggested Jae. But it wasn't going to be that easy. Seemingly possessed, Bowser awkwardly rose up from the floor. Defeat, for him, only made him stronger. His body contorted, and his muscles seemed to balloon up in size. His teeth, his horns, and the spines on his back extended. Every last vestige of his dragon-like body became a twisted, terrorfying mockery of his former self. Giga Bowser grinned, flames escaping from between his fangs. "Well, we're fucked," proposed Cracker Jack. With a deafening roar, Giga Bowser attacked the nearest thing. It would have been Wendy, had she not already beat feet across the room. Instead, it was a handful of Goombas, who promptly found themselves in the dragon's mouth. The other Mushroom Kingdom traitors began to run in fear, but Giga Bowser seemed to enjoy chasing them down and gobbling them up. When that was finished, he turned his sights on Violence Unlimited. Mad eyes looked from one gawking face to the next. And then those eyes seemed to look past them, at something that was apparently very interesting. A strange smile crept over the lizard's lips to accompany his blank stare. He just stood there, swaying slowly, then he gave a loud whistle and moments later his flying clown cup swooped into the room. Giga Bowser climbed aboard, his tremendous form obscuring the fact that the clown car was even there. He looked, for all intents and purposes, like a comedian riding a miniture bicycle. If it could have been seen, the face on the clown mobile was straining to stay in the air, and its eyes were filled with tears. Finally, with a strange giggle not unlike Lemmy Koopa's, Giga Bowser flew out of the castle and into the night. The Koopa kids and Violence Unlimited all ran outside to watch him leave (save for an unconscious Iggy), Hugo carrying the unconscious Fuuma. "What the hell just happened?" asked Jack. "He looked... pretty hopped up," offered Jae. Wendy shook her head sadly, and said, "That's what happens when you eat a lot of bad shrooms." Yeah, kids, drugs are bad. This has been a public service announcement from the Office of Mayor Rodriguez. Mayor Rodriguez loves you. Vote for Mayor Rodriguez in the next election. "We've got to stop him," said Jae, "He's heading straight for Southtown." Jack didn't want to have to tackle a rampaging Koopa King, but he had to agree with Jae. "Damn," he muttered, "That's were all my stuff is." [---] Downtown Southtown was on fire. Giga Bowser had the munchies, and he was eating almost every building he passed. He roasted whatever passed him by, and popped it in his mouth, 'cause hey, everybody enjoys a warm meal. It should be noted, however, that the twenty-five foot tall monster didn't hear the screams of the fleeing public, and he didn't see the wreckage he had caused. Mostly he heard trippy music and saw buildings made of candy and chocolate and Kirby-like people running around in the streets. Jae Hoon and the entire VU crew arrived at the scene. "This is terrible," cried NEG. She grasped on tightly to Jae's arm. "I don't know how you expect to stop this," said Jack. "It might be better to call in some heavy artillery." The driver took that as his cue, and stepped up in front of everyone else. He hoisted a rocket launcher onto his shoulder, and looked for the okay from CJ. "Heh, do it," smiled Jack. With a *foom* the missle took off into the air and sailed up towards Giga Bowser's head. It hit its target, but Giga Bowser didn't seem to feel the impact. The guy fired off a few more rounds, each with little success. "Alright," decided Jae, "I know what I must do." He took NEG's hand, and held her away from his body. They looked into each others eyes, and she nodded. Then, Jae turned and walked towards the towering Giga Bowser. "That is one stupid fuck," commented Poison. Most of VU nodded, but not Ultros. Ultros doesn't have a neck. Jae, however, had a courageous heart, and an unwavering faith in the power of Tae Kwon Do. He approached Giga Bowser without fear. This town needed a hero right now, and it seemed like only Jae was willing to accept the job. Half way to Giga Bowser, a furry form rushed by Jae and straight towards the mutated giant. Jae stopped, stunned by disbelief. The furry creature latched onto Giga Bowser's leg, and started humping it madly. "Chu. Chu," cried out Chu Chu in a lovestruck... uh... voice. "What the?" said Jae. Giga Bowser seemed distracted by the sudden movement against his leg. From the other side of the street, Rock Howard strode directly up to Giga Bowser and, specifically, Chu Chu. He palmed the horny furry by the head, who smiled sweetly at the oddly dressed boy. "Chu chu?" she asked. Rock wrapped a piece of duct tape over her mouth and around her head, then tucked her under his arm. Jae looked at Rock with his mouth agape. Rock cleared his throat uncomfortably. "So, uh, I'm just gonna... go this way," Rock said, pointing towards Sakura and Stone. Jae shrugged, "Okay." Rock walked away, just as he said. This was when Jae noticed Giga Bowser seemed to be as stunned as Jae was. It was his opening, Jae knew. With a mighty cry, the young man launched himself up at Giga Bowser and unleashed a Phoenix Flattener against the beast's chest. When he landed back on the ground, he looked up at Giga Bowser's face. "Nothing, huh?" Jae asked the monster. Giga Bowser's reply was to lift his foot into the air, ready to step on Jae. [---] Mai and Ayane had been fighting for hours, their battle taking them across half of the city. It was inevitable, they both knew, that sooner or later they were going to end up as they were now. Fighting in a park. Specifically, in a fountain. They splashed in the water, which cascaded down from above them. Their skin glistened under the beads of liquid. Their outfits clung even tighter to their curves. And they reacted predictably to the cold temperature of the water. Suffice it to say, the male audience of the park was quite interested in... uh... which girl was a better ninja. The two kunoichis seperated from their close combat, and stood breathing heavily, each knee deep in the fountain water. Mai focused her mind, and reached out with the Bounce. With a quick jiggle, one of the many nearby men ran towards her, unable to restrain himself anymore. Oh his way to Mai, he ran directly into Ayane, who never saw him coming. Mai bounced again. Another man ran forward, tripping over Ayane and knocking the tired girl to her hands and knees. Mai knew she was going to come out on top. With another jiggle, she called out to another male to charge at her bosom, and indirectly run into Ayane. But Ayane anticipated the attack, and struck out at the mindless object with a powerful kick which most likely broke the man's spine in half even as it tossed him back towards a bench. "You're intolerable misuse of the Bounce won't save you today, old woman." Mai fumed. The two charged at each other again. [---] Author's Notes: (*OgOpOgO- throws an old man with a shirt reading 'Boundaries of Decency' to the ground and kicks him repeatedly in the ribs.*) HA! Take that. I love FAJ, I really do. And much like Mayor Rodriguez, I love all of you. I'm sorry my chapter was short, and simple. Very simple. Just bad timing, really. I haven't got the time to dedicate to this story. But I hope you'll all let me come back! I'd like to thank Gavok and black dub for prereading, and for not telling me off. What troopers they are. Gavok, as you all know, is up next for FAJ. Get ready for the funny.