Rose, late night TV psychic, retired street fighter, and radio personality best known for 'The Rosy Tint,' was running for her life. Her Italian home had been burned to the ground, along with the rest of Italy. In fact, much of southern Europe had been razed by one Julius Carn, heir to the Mongolian throne. She had escaped her home around an hour before J. Carn had come around with his army, setting things on fire, throwing eggs, toilet paper, and generally ripping shit up. She watched in horror as Carn blithely walked up a church, looked at it, and tackled it. The church wobbled for a bit, then fell over onto its side. She did what any semi-famous celebrity and psychic would do when chased by an evil, evil man. She ran like hell. [---] Behind her, Carn had turned his attention to other things. After knocking over a trucking station, he'd noticed a pretty young thing trying to steal a semi-truck. A very pretty young thing, with some kind of face mask. "Hey there, babe," he said. "Nice car." The girl looked up at him, her mask staring blankly. "I've decided to reward you for your tenacity. You'll be staying with me for tonight, chickie." Carn grinned wolfishly and made some suggestive pelvis movements. Dollface looked up at him and wished that the damn mask wasn't nailed to her face, or else she'd curse him out. [---] Roll Light, one half of the rock and roll duo known as Rock & Roll, sat in her dressing room, getting undressed, as she would not be participating in the show tonight. Megaman, her older brother, could be such a *prick* sometimes. 'No, Roll,' he says. 'You can't go onstage, Roll,' he says. 'Upskirt-Picture-Taking-Man might be in the crowd again, and we all know what happened last time, Roll,' he says. 'Dirty-Old-Man might be in the crowd again, Roll,' he says. 'That Wily guy might have created yet *another* panty-stealing robot, Roll,' he says. Dick. Rock & Roll would be *nothing* without her. She played guitar, drums, keyboard, she even *sang*. Megaman just shot random robots in the audience and stole their guns. Then, he prevented from *any* kind of groupie action *at all*. What the hell was that about? She was *almost* of age now, there's no reason why she can't have some fun with her groupies. She was an *idol singer*, for Pete's sake. Idol singers collect fanboys like flies. Or something. But, noooo, Megaman got to have all the fun he wanted with that dirty slut Ms. Pac-Man... and Roll wasn't even allowed *one* groupie-night. It wasn't fair. Something had to be done. A knock at the door roused Roll from her musings. Perhaps this would be a groupie who managed to sneak past her brother? "Roll?" asked Dr. Light. "Can I come in?" ...dammit. "No!" she shouted as she threw a potted robo-plant at the wall. Instead of a satisfying crash, she got the strange thump sound that robotics make when impacting plaster. "I'm *naked*!" The door to Roll's room opened anyway. "It's okay, Roll," Dr. Light said as he walked in. "I didn't make you anatomically correct! ...or maybe I did. Oops," Dr. Light chuckled. Roll walked up and punched him in the eye. [---] FORGOT ABOUT JAE Chapter 19: Groupies Muyo! Story used for purposes too perverted to go into now by Shelby Scott, aka Darkheart One. Chapter tricked into being Swanton Bombed by a Kung-Fu Cow by David 'black dub' Brothers. The question is, however, 'Man... or Astro Man?' [---] Last time, on Forgot About Jae- -Peter Parker was revealed... to be a complete and utter douche bag. -Mephisto began reading a literary classic... Moby Dick. Winkwink, nudgenudge, saynomore. -Jedah licked The Driver's face. Ew. -Sub-Zero was revealed to be *daring*. -Rugal Bernstein sold Cracker Jack some real estate. No, really. He did. -Amingo stole Sakura's clothes... so she's naked. Yep. Naked. In the nude. Wearing her birthday suit. Nudie. -Birdie got some screen time. -Fuuma turned it up to ELEVEN! -Choi went Yoda all over Garuda's spiky... samurai... blue... spiky... samurai butt. -Logan told Bob not to bother him, bub. I mean, Bub not to bobber bob, bob. Bob, don't bubber him. Something. [---] "YES!" shouted Dr. Wily. "I've done it! Ultimate Nullifier Man is complete!" Two miniature robotic versions of Dr. Wily suddenly appeared on his shoulder. "You go, L'il Wily! You are the greatest scientific genius in the UNIVERSE! Go, go, gogogo!" The little robots, named Wilya and Wilyb, waved little pom-poms and danced about. On a large screen behind Wily, a huge yellow ferret danced a victory dance. "Now, to call Galactus and tell him his robot is ready," muttered Wily as the robots chattered in the background. Wily's train of thought was interrupted when the door to his secret laboratory was thrown open, showing a very familiar outline. "Megaman?! No! You're early!" "No," said the figure. "It's just me." He stepped into the light. A glint of light shone off his dome piece quite dramatically. "Megaman... X!" "Of course," said Dr. Wily, "I knew that. I know everything. I am the *greatest* scientific genius in the UNIVERSE!" The two Wilybots popped up and began cheering again. "That won't stop me Wily. I've come from the Future. Things in the Future are *quite* different, evil-doer." "Why did you just say 'future' with capital letters?" "What?" "Forget it! Eat my new robot master! Cider Man, attack!" A robot shaped as a barrel of apple cider leapt out of the many shadows of Wily's lab. "Go Cider Man! Do all the things a cider can!" shouted the Wilybots. Cider Man leapt at Megaman X, only to be blasted by a strange purple energy ray. Cider Man exploded in a burst of yellow ferrets. X grinned. "Sorry, Dr. Wily, but I've used my reverse polarity ray to spoil your plans." Wily grinned as well. "Not so fast, Imbecile X! You *will* call me L'il Wily!" The Wilybots cheered their agreement. "But, that doesn't matter! My time-space manipulator has assembled an army of invisible Astro Men to block your reverse polarity ray! "I come from the Future, Wily!" shouted X. "In the future, we use re-routed frequency demodulators to send Astro Men to the Victorian era, where they will be mocked for their ill manners and crude mode of dress!" "That's unlucky," Wily said. "However, you do realize that you are an idiot, right? You have no hope of standing up to my intellectual genius!" The Wilybots did yet another cheer. "Yup." X shrugged, grinned, and aimed his weapon at Wily. "I've got you now! I can just shoot you and then it will all be over! No more Hunters, no more war in the Future!" "It's never that easy," said Wily. "For example, look at that little nozzle just to your left, there." "Yeah," shouted the Wilybots. "Look at it!" Megaman X turned his head towards said nozzle, and got a face full of green gas. He gagged and hacked about for a couple of minutes, before he remembered that he was a robot and couldn't really be affected by a deadly gas. "Ha-HA!" laughed Wily. "That gas will alter your main memory banks, causing you to be driven to feed off the flesh of humanoids to survive! Bwahahahahahahahaha!" X began coughing and hacking again. "Seriously?" he choked out. "Well, no. In reality, you will just be a poorly conceived running gag stolen from somewhere else. And robots can't choke." [---] Dio looked up from... whatever place he might have been located in at the moment. "Despicable. Originality must be a rarity nowadays. [---] "Seriously?" choked X again. "YES, seriously! I'm a genius, everything I say is RIGHT!" shouted Wily. "You go L'il Wily!" cheered the Wilybots. X stumbled towards the door, coughing again. "You'll pay for this Dr. Wily!" "THAT'S L'IL WILY! L'IL WILY, DAMMIT! ...that's it. World domination is *on.*" "You go L'il Wily!" shouted the Wilybots. [---] The location is not important. It won't be here in ten minutes. Rose, renowned psychic, yadda yadda, yadda, was hiding from J. Carn. Somehow, he'd managed to make it across the Atlantic Ocean. Was he tracking her? As she was thinking, Carn wandered by her hiding place, tackling buildings as he went by. In the rubble of an overly large Chinese food restaurant was Xiangfei. She looked up in fear at Carn. "Mmmm," Carn said. "You are looking mighty tasty. You will be with me tonight, woman!" Carn left none of his intentions to imagination as he began his gyrations. Xiangfei's eyes welled up in tears. [---] Rose ran. She ran like she never ran before. She ran 'til her veins pumped battery acid. Then she ran some more. [---] L'il Wily sat in his secret other dimensional lab, plotting. Perhaps his old way of functioning wasn't quite right. Megaman always seemed to beat the eight robot masters... hmmm. A flood of Masters should do nicely, in terms of mayhem, and such. Indeed. There was no way Megaman could beat a bunch of them at the same time... perhaps in groups of three? Wily signaled for his Wilybots to begin mass production. [---] "Fuck!" yelled Yuri Sakazaki as she wandered along the streets of Southtown. "Garcias! Fucking fuckity-fuck! I fucking hate them all! Fucking Robert, fucking Robert's mother telling me what to do, I *hate* them! *Fuck* the Garcias!" As usual, Yuri had broken up with Robert Garcia, this time for a record ninth time in one day. As she walked down the street, randomly firing fireballs into passerby, including J.P. Polnareff, she happened to notice a large hole in a wooden fence. The hole had a large red circle which was labeled "For free sex, call Kyo Kusanagi!" Actually, it wasn't labeled anything, but some wiseguy had written that Kyo bit on there. She pushed her head through and looked up, only to see Lucky 'Luke' Glauber. He was dressed in an impeccable black pinstripe suit, carried a white cane in one hand, and a basketball under the other arm. "Kane," he said, "get her." As soon as the words left his mouth, a large hand wrapped itself around the top of her head. Kane, Lucky Luke's tall, succint, masked compatriot held her tight in a one-handed headlock. The expletives that rolled off of Yuri's tongue would make a sailor's ears bleed and his brain explode. Lucky Luke took this as an opportunity to explain the situation. "You see, lady, I've decided to branch out a bit. My whole kidnapping scheme wasn't working out that great. I needed to move up in the world. So, I called a cousin of mine. Guy named 8-Ball. He referred me to a friend of his, who gave me some advice. He said that I should do some freelance work, stop flipping out over my first name, murders, loan-sharking, gambling, rap management, robbery, mob shit. Italians and things. The best thing he ever told me to do was to drop Clay9999 like a bad habit. Me and the Big Brit Machine here have been in Liberty City, making the best money ever. Plus, I got this kickass suit." Lucky Luke showed it off for Yuri. Yuri struggled and wiggled around in an attempt to get free. Kane just tightened his grip. She stopped. "Anyway, me and Kane have this new assignment. You're our first... target." As Yuri's eyes widened and more expletives left her mouth, Lucky Luke pulled a small Post-It note from his inner jacket pocket. "Ahem. I, Lucky Luke, am quite pleased to view this display of curiosity. As such, I've decided to reward your curiosity. Kane, hit her with it." Kane took the glass bottle he was holding in one hand and broke it over Yuri's head, knocking her unconscious. "*Dammit*, Kane! I meant *give her the soda*, not fracture her skull!" "Urrrgh," shrugged Kane. [---] "All roight! Clevela-, er, Southtown! Are you ready to RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK!" Megaman stood on a large stage, surrounded by various dancers and musicians, screaming into a cordless microphone. Rush, his robot dog, stood beside him, headbanging. Backstage, Roll sat in a Robot Master Proof Booth, where her image and voice were sent to the by way of video camera. It was for her protection, said her brother. "Do you wanna... Roll?" she breathed into the microphone. And the crowd went wild. The Rock & Roll concert was in full swing. The moshpitters were moshing, breakdancers breakdancing, and the goths were sacrificing J.P. Polnareff in the back. All in all, things were going well. The concert was actually going off perfectly, if you didn't mind the fact that Roll, idol star to millions, was not on stage. The only kink in the show that night came when three figures crowd-surfed onstage and stood before Megaman. The light techs, assuming that this was part of the show, cut the lights and focused a psychadelic spotlight on each of them. "Megaman," one of them said. "You will *die*! My compatriots, Exploding Man, Hey Man, and *me*, Crowd-Surfing Man will destroy you! Watch as my Stolen Watch Laser reduces your timepiece into its component atoms!" True to his word, Crowd-Surfing Man blasted Megaman with a bright white ray. Rush began barking loudly. "My gosh!" shouted Megaman. "You fiend! My internal chronometer just deleted itself!" "Hey," said Hey Man. "Hey, hey, hey-nonny-nonny hey!" Megaman's eyes narrowed. "*What* did you say about my siser?" Crowd-Surfing Man whapped Hey Man on the back of the head. "Stupid, I *told* you *not* to say tha-ack!" Hey Man and Crowd-Surfing Man disappeared in a burst of yellow ferrets. Rush and Megaman turned to Exploding Man. "You're ne--" Exploding Man exploded. [---] Offscreen, a shadowed form watched the action. "Unknown to Megaman, Megaman X, secretly the Megaman from the Future who has apparently only one connection to Megaman, that is, being created by the same creator that created Megaman, secretly watched as Megaman vanquished the first two robots. Oh! However, it seems as if Megaman will need some secret help from Megaman X, the Megaman from the Future, as Exploding Man is known for only one thing, which is exploding, hence the name Exploding Man!" With that, Megaman X leapt from the shadows and pushed Megaman out of the way. He leaned down to check on his original incarnation. "Ah! Rock, are you okay?" asked Megaman X quickly. "I jumped out of the shadows just in time to push you out of the way of Exploding Man so that you would not be caught in Exploding Man's explosion. Not that I have any special powers, or anything, that would allow me to do that, even though I have been known to fire a Hadoken occasionally, but I am in reality just a simple robot like you. Are you able to talk to me? Ah! Rock, speak to me!" "Oh! Yeah. I'm okay. I just got three new weapons, too! Stolen Watch Ray, Heyday, and the ability to self-destruct on command." Megaman trailed off as his organist began to play some truly spooky music. "What's going- X, what are you doing?" Megaman X's eyes had turned red, and he was bent over at the waist. "Nooooothing." "I would appreciate a biscuit, if you please," woofed Rush in a surprisingly cultured accent. "I am quite hungry." "Not now, Rush," said Megaman. Suddenly, Hay Man jumped on stage. "I'LL END YOUR CAREER! I'LL RIP OUT YOUR SPLEEN! I'LL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF! I'M GONNA TEAR YOU APART! THIS IS EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!" Hay Man exploded into yellow ferrets as Eiji Kisaragi dropped from the ceiling and just so totally flipped out and kicked his head off so hard it went six inches deep into the wall. That was totally cool. Eiji powerposed, and turned to the Megamen. He was almost able to speak before Megaman X leapt at him and tore his mask off. "What are you doing?!" Eiji gasped out. X just used his Barber Blaster to shave Eiji's head. In the back of Megaman X's mind, Wily's voice said, "Ha-HA! That gas will alter your main memory banks, causing you to be driven to feed off the flesh of humanoids to survive! Bwahahahahahahahaha!" "Biscuit!" barked Rush. "Not *now*, Rush!" said Megaman. "You've got a nice, boney head," mumbled Megaman X. Eiji struggled vainly to get free from X's Immobility Gun. Broken Spine Man had been a surprisingly worthy opponent. "Lots of treats in there," he mumbled. "Biscuit!" "*NO*, Rush!" The lights at the concert went dark as some truly disgusting munching sounds went out over the loudspeakers. When the lights came on, nothing remained of Eiji. "Dude!" shouted Megaman. "You just fucking *ate* Eiji!" X wiped his mouth. "*burrrrp* What?! No I didn't, Rock, you must be mistaken! Oh no!" "I saw it!" "Oh no! Robots can't eat, Rock. We don't have stomachs." "Then what's that schmeg on your face?" "...cranberry sauce." "Dude!" [---] Yuri Sakazaki was again stomping through the streets of Southtown. She'd woken up lying in a ditch and missing her wallet. 'Pissed' did not begin to describe her. 'Wanting To Kick A Hole Through Someone's Chest' would be a bit more accurate, but still not quite there. So, she took off walking again. Fireball sandwiches were served up to anyone who wished to stop and try to tell her anything, as well as a kick in the possibly-non-existent-cojones for an unlucky boxing dinosaur. It was all downhill from there. As she was stomping along, a notably bishounen blonde haired boy stepped out of an alley. He ran his hands through his hair and said, "Excuse me, but *about* what size do you wear?" Yuri, understandably, took a *little* offense to this and chased him into the alley. "KAISER WAVE!" shouted Stone Krauser. And Yuri was down for the count. "Okay, Sakura," said Rock Howard, "get her clothes. We... Stone will turn his back while you change." Two minutes later, Sakura was newly clothed in Yuri's blue tights and undershirt, leaving Yuri in only her gi jacket. *Only* her gi jacket. Ten seconds after that, Kevin Ryan and Marky wandered into the alley. "Rock, shit, we've got company!" said Stone. "Hey guys," said Kevin. "Uh... is there a problem, officer?" asked Sakura. "Geez, I hope not. Hey, is that girl unconscious?!" Rock edged forward, readying an attack that would take out both the cop and the kid. "Um... no." Marky jumped past the three teens, and checked the girl. "She's knocked clean out, Kevin!" "Good." Kevin turned to Sakura. "Since you're the lady of the group, I'm going to ask you this, and ask you this only once." Sakura began to sweat. "Um... yes?" "What is she, like a B cup?" "...yes." "Great! Marky, we've got the unconscious Japanese girl with a B cup!" Marky checked off something on a piece of paper. "All right, Kevin! What's next?" "Something about idol singers and a horse. Let's go! Thanks guys!" "...you're welcome," mumbled Stone. He looked at the rest of the group after the two left. "What the hell was that about?" Sakura shrugged while Rock tossed Yuri's body into a nearby dumpster. "Let's go," said Rock, wearing his new hat. "We need to get Blanka's anklets." [---] "Let me get this straight," said Cracker Jack. "You want us, Violence Unlimited, to beat the living hell out of your big brother at a concert, then let you stomp us into the ground, to show that you can take care of yourself?" Roll nodded. "Exactly." "Sharon, what do you think?" ask Cracker Jack. "Go for it. It'll get Fuuma out of the house, and out of my hair," said Sharon. "We'll take the job." "Sweet," said Roll. [---] El Riddlador sat in his lair. Life was boring. Either Battler Man would show up, mutter something stupid and punch him, or *nothing* would happen. Life was boring as *fuck*. Until the phone rang. "Yo, Riddlador, how's it hangin'?" asked The Smoker. "¡Fumador! Que` pasa, 'mano?" "Nothing. Listen, check it out. Concert. Rock & Roll. Tonight. Free smokes. You in?" "¡Por supuesto! ¡Me encanta Roll! Muy, muy bonita, eh?" responded El Riddlador. "Eh, yeah. Sure. You know what, hang on. Battler Man just broke in my hideout again." *BOOM!* *THWACK!* *BLAMMO!* *BOWWOWWOWYIPPYYOYIPPYYAY!* "My smokes! You bastard!" *BLAM!* "...Riddlador?" asked Battler Man. "Si`?" "The Smoker is gonna have to call you back. He swallowed three cigarettes, two cigars, and a Black & Mild, then shot himself in the face again." "Gracias, cabron. Te veo pronto!" "Uh, whatever." *CLICK* [---] Rock, also known as Megaman, sat in his room. Roll had bullied him into letting her onstage, for some reason. Eh. No problem. Megaman was certain he could handle whatever tried to sully his sister. Megaman checked his MegaBlaster and got ready for the concert. Showtime. [---] "Okay, Fuuma, listen up. You jump on stage, beat the snot out of Megaman, and then job to Roll. Understand?" asked Sharon. "Can I crowd surf?" asked Fuuma. "Fuuma, no. You just fight Megaman." "Can I stage dive after I beat Megaman?" Sharon sighed. She wanted to kill CJ for giving her the job of explaining things to Fuuma. There couldn't possibly be anyone more out of it than Fuuma. [---] Makoto, sometime practitioner of Karate, and often-time kicker of M. Bison's loser ass, was currently being held in a very tight headlock by Kane. "So," continued Lucky Luke, "we would like to reward your curiosity. Kane, give her the bottle." Kane let go of Makoto and offered the bottle of soda. Makoto slumped to the floor and slammed her head on the dresser. "Uh... she dead?" Lucky Luke asked. After Kane nodded in the affirmative, Lucky Luke looked down at her. "Shit. This isn't working out. Let's get the hell out of here." [---] The Rock & Roll concert was going as it usually did. Tons of chaos, some violence, a few explosions, and Roll winking suggestively at every man, robot, and humanoid in the audience. It wasn't that she was looking for action, per se, but she was an underaged technologically advanced robot, and underaged technologically advanced robots have needs, just like everyone else. As such, Megaman was on pretty high guard. However, yet *another* group of three robots bumrushed the stage. "Ha ha! Megaman! I... am... FLASH MAN!" Flash Man, having leapt onstage, powerposed in a column of light. He was wearing a brown trenchcoat that went just below his knees. Having finished his introduction, he bowed and moved out of the way so that his comrades could introduce themselves. The next robot master was clad in an outfit that resembled Benimaru Nikkaido's usual daytime wear. "I am... MAN's MAN! Fear me!" The robot began doing the YMCA dance as he moved out of the way. The next master to step up was wearing stereotypical wizard's robes. "I AM SARU MAN!" he said in a booming voice. "FEEL MY WRATH!" Another robot master floated up behind Saru Man. "I am... Floating Man!" he shouted. Megaman looked at him, and blasted him to pieces. "Floating isn't funny." "Ha ha!" shouted Megaman X. "I don't think so! I, Megaman X, secretly not related to Megaman at all, no matter what anyone says, will stop y-*burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp!*" "..." began Megaman. "X, where are my sound men? And my drummer? My promoter? Where are they?" "Ah! Rock, I put them in my mouth and ate them earlier today! Haa ha ha! You will need to find new hired help, which is so hard to come by these days! Ha-haha!" "Forget it," said Megaman. "X, we'll talk later. For now, I've got some robot busting to do!" Megaman raised his blaster to fire off a shot at Saru Man and Man's Man, but got a blaster full of Fuuma instead. Literally. Half of Fuuma's body was inside the blaster. Unseen by Megaman, Roll grinned and readied her blaster. "Megaman!" shouted Fuuma. "Now I have you! I will-yaaaaaaaaaah!" shouted Fuuma as Megaman blasted him. Fuuma flew nearly twenty feet before skidding to a stop. In the background, dramatic music began playing. "Shit!" said Roll. Things were not going right. "Yatta!" shouted Megaman. He threw his arms into the arm and waved them about. "I've got... what was I doing? I... seem to have lost my train of thought. X, do you remember what I was doing? Hey, where'd Man's Man go?" "That gas will alter your main memory banks, causing you to be driven to feed off the flesh of humanoids to survive!" As the scary music cut off, X wiped his mouth. "*burrrrrrp!* Oh! No idea." "I'm still here!" shouted Flash Man. He quickly unbuttoned his trenchcoat and yanked it open. Everyone quickly turned around so that they couldn't see. "Aw, c'mon!" Flash Man shouted. "This is my *power*! Look at me!" "No fuckin' way, dude," said Megaman. Instead, Megaman blasted Saru Man, causing Saru Man to fall off the stage and explode into ferrets. "Awright!" shouted Megaman. "I've been equipped with... TYPE CAST!" "Ah! It seems that one of Megaman's arch-enemies has bared a weapon most foul! Ha-ha! I can easily vanquish this foe, since I am Megaman X, the futuristic incarnation of an already futuristic robot!" X's eyes turned red as the music began playing. "Mmmmm... this one is fleshy. Needs... salt." At that last bit, everyone turned around to see what was going on. They found Flash Man with his entire head buried in Megaman X's mouth. X looked back at them. "Whupf?" he asked. "...feed off the flesh of humanoids to survive!" [---] J. Carn had found yet another victim. Rose had happened to slow her pace once she reached Southtown, and that was the end of her. Now, she was in Carn's lair, weaponless and powerless to do anything. J. Carn sat across the room in a large throne, idly reading a newspaper (with reading glasses, no less) and smoking a pipe. "All right," said Carn's second-in-command, Baraka, "comfort him. Go on! Do it!" Rose looked defeated. She was to be shamed, as well as captured? She sighed however. She was resigned to her fate. She walked up to Carn, and touched his shoulder, beginning the foreplay. Of course, Baraka picking her up and managing to backdrop her into the far wall sort of threw that whole idea out of the window, so to speak. "Go on, comfort him!" Rose sighed again. What was going on? This was so confusing it wasn't even funny. Even if it wasn't confusing, it wouldn't be funny. She decided to take a more direct approach. She stayed on her knees and crawled over to Carn. She put her hands on his knees to spread his legs, but was once again... *boom*, backdrop. "What the hell are you doing, woman? Comfort him! Ask him how his day was!" screamed Baraka. "What?!" said Rose. "Ask. Him. How. His. Day. Was. Woman." Rose turned to Carn, more confused than ever. "Er, ah, how... how was your d-day, sir?" Carn didn't even look up from the paper. "Eh, so-so. Killed some people, threw down some buildings, conquered France, the usual. How was your day?" He picked up a coffee mug and took a sip. Rose assumed that she had passed some kind of test and moved in again. Once again, as soon as she touched his knee, Baraka threw her across the room. "Answer him! Tell him how your day was!" "I-I-I saw everything I l-love burned to the ground and flayed alive! You knocked o-over my h-house! You stepped on my p-puppy!" screamed Rose. "That's nice, dear," said Carn absently. "What'd you make for dinner tonight?" "Wha-what?" "TELL HIM WHAT YOU MADE FOR DINNER!" screamed Baraka. "That's *it*!" screamd Rose. "What's going on?! I'd understand if you were beating me, whipping me, kicking me, or forcing me to perform obscene sexual favors, but this is too much! If you want sex, just say so, don't put me through this!" Carn looked at her over his reading glasses. "No. You'd just laugh, just like all the others." Carn stood up and stormed out, leaving Baraka alone with a sobbing Rose. "See," said Baraka, "now you've done it. He's gonna be grumpy for the rest of the month now." Rose just cried. Carn, upon reaching the outside, wandered off in the general direction of Mongolia. Or maybe Minneapolis, no one was really certain. [---] Yet another group of three robot masters were standing onstage, facing down Megaman and crew. Clobbering Man, Bat Man, and Stick Man crowded around the group, taunting and flexing. "Do you know what time it is, Megaman?" asked Clobbering Man. "Er, 'Clobbering Time?'" Megaman answered. "Actually, no. Fucking Marvel lawyers. It's PUMMELING TIME! PUMMEL HORSE!" Clobbering Man flexed his arms and pointed his hands at Megaman. He shot Pummel Horse at Megaman, only to have it turn away from Megaman at the last second and shoot up into the rafters. The sound of half a dozen punches resounded throughout the arena. [---] "Ow! You sonuvabitch, that was my last smoke!" shouted The Smoker at the stage. "¿¡El Fumador, estas bien!? ¡Te sangras!" said El Riddlador. "Fucking robot masters. Always want to joke around." The Smoker rubbed the rising bruise on his face. "Excuse me, Mr. Smoker, sir, are you wearing an 'I LUV ROLL' t-shirt?" asked Marky. "Yeah, kid, what's it mean to you?" "And your real name is Hol Horse?" "Yeah, but keep that to yourself." "Thanks!" said Marky. "HEY KEVIN, HOL HORSE IS WEARING A ROLL SHIRT! WE'VE FOUND THE IDOL SINGER AND THE HORSE!" shouted Marky into the crowd. [---] Clobbering Man looked embarassed. "Oops," he said right before Megaman blew him to bits. Bat Man swung himself at Megaman, only to receive a fully charged Megablaster to the face. Megaman turned to blast Stick Man, but found no one there. Off to the side, X stood picking his teeth with what looked like a very thin pointer finger. [---] "...feed off the flesh of humanoids to survive! Bwahahahahahahahaha!" The Rock & Roll concert was over. It had gone off relatively without a hitch, even though X tended to eat whatever robot master wandered along. Matter of fact, he managed to eat a good third of the human portion of the crowd before the concert ended. Roll sat on the edge of the stage and sighed. Violence Unlimited had failed. Dammit. Now she'd never be out from under her brother's shadow. "Ah!" said X. "It is Roll, sister to the one who I am not at all a clone of! Oh! What's wrong, Roll?" Roll turned her back to X. "Go away." "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" shouted Choi Bounge, as he leapt onstage for an autograph. X's eyes turned red, narrowed, and scary music began. He stared at Choi for nearly thirty seconds, before the music stopped. "Can you bring your fat friend along next time, midget? You're too tiny. Barely an appetizer." he said. Choi nodded. Roll scribbled her name on the paper, and Choi leapt off, screaming "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "TWOEXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!" shouted a new robot master who had just wandered in. "Ah'm FREE MAN!" "No you're not," said another master with motor oil tears streaming down his face. "I am." "Naw, ya'll are Crying Free Man. Ah'm Free Man." "And I'm QUICK MAN!" shouted a newcomer. The two Free Men were quickly vanquished by a black light. Megaman leapt down from the rafters, cheering. "Take *that*, Free Men! Or should I call you Free *Boys*! I *knew* that Pile Driver I got from Hemmrhoidal Man would come in handy! Teach you to come on to my sister!" "But," began Quick Man, "I haven't even started yet!" Megaman looked at Quick Man. Rather, he leveled his blaster at Quick Man. "What's your power, perverted scum?" "No, Perverted Scum is my cousin, Trojan Man's weapon. I... well, they call my weapon the Slap and Two Tickles, but I don't think you want it." "TOO LATE! YOU'RE MINE!" yelled Megaman and blew Quick Man away, so to speak. "Roll, are you okay?" asked Megaman. "Roll? Where'd you go?" X jerked his thumb over his shoulder and said, "Oh! She just left with Magnet Man, Megaman. She said that you wouldn't mind at all, seeing as how you were busy, and things. Ah! That was a wrong thing to do?" "Magnet Man? Which one?" "Ah! It was the red one, of that I am sure! He had red armor with a heart-shaped loincloth." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Megaman. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Oh! Megaman, what's wrong? Is Magnet Man the type we should watch out for, in that he is evil, or in cahoots with an enemy?" "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! That was Chick Magnet Man! He's got mad ill pimp ninja skillz!" "That's too bad, Megaman," placated X. Suddenly, another robot jumped out of the shadows. "Hi, guys," said the robot. X and Megaman stared at him. "I'm a robot. My name is Jones." X's eyes turned red and the music started up again. "Mmmm... must... crack the helmet. Suck out the brains." "Say what? No, you don't wanna eat me! I'm made of metal!" "Use... eyeballs for chewing gum. Legs... barbecue. Ribs... mmmm." "No, really! I'm a robot! We have motor oil and everything!" "I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back riiiiiiibs!" sang X as he approached Megaman. "Wily's baby back ribs!" Robot Jones began to cry. [---] Yuri Sakazaki's day had just gotten worse. She'd woken up, and her pants were missing. "Motherfucking Capcom vs. SNK color edit mode! Third fucking time this fuckity fucking week! I've had it with this bullshit. I need to kick someone's ass." She exited the alley and walked right into Akuma. "Watch where the fucking fuck you are going, fuckhead! Take *this*! SHIIIIIIIIIIIN YURIIIIIIIIII SATSUUUUUUUUU!" Yuri dashed at Akuma and grabbed him. WHAPPITY-WHAPPITY-WHAPPITY-WHAP-WHAP-WHAP! *TING!* *TEN!* Yuri stood with her back to Akuma and posed. "Take that, bitch." If she had bothered to turn around, she would have seen Happy Happy Fun Time Akuma smiling in a very disturbing way. It was like an upside-down smile. ";_; ;_; ;_; ;_;" he said. Yuri turned around in shock. How had he survived her ultimate attack?! No one had-- "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" grunted Akuma. WHAPPITY-WHAPPITY-WHAPPITY-WHAP-WHAP-WHAP! *TING!* *TEN!* ":):):):):):):):):):):):):)" The Smiley Face on Akuma's back shone brightly. [fin] Whoo! Yet another chapter done. Hopefully, this doesn't feel too rushed/bad/crappy. It's a one-shot chapter. I had no ideas (well, no ideas that I could get onto paper) for plot advancement, so I decided to have fun with it. Hopefully, you find it as funny as Al Sharpton looks. Thanks to- Gavok for prereading. Jumpy for Flash Man in particular. Douglas Adams (yes, *that* Douglas Adams) for inspiring me to write the J. Carn bit. The entire #OR, for tossing random Megaman names out at me, along with various death threats, offers for sex, and stones. Thanks to them for letting me talk over some ideas, too. In case you didn't get it (shame on you!) the Lucky Luke bit is a parody of those Vanilla Coke commercials. So. That's that. Oh yeah, 'Vok... 'darkest dub around?' Does that make me the dub knight? ^_^; David 'black dub' Brothers ...hm. Looks like I forgot about Jae. Again.