"So," Kyo Kusanagi, world-famous millionaire, fighter, and general jerk said to his one of his four new employees, "You're a ninja, huh?" ". . . yes," replied Scorpion, being the one Kyo was speaking to, but you already guessed that. I mean, how many other ninjas reccently came under the authority of Kyo Kusanagi? The only way you couldn't have guessed that is if you didn't read the last chapter. Which I'm assuming you did. "Well, then tell me, what's the deal with the recent kidnapping?" Kyo asked the undead recolor. "When you were kidnapped by the group we have come to know as Mean Street Pos-" "No, not them," interrupted Kyo, "I mean, when you damn ninjas kidnapped me, what was that all about?" "Well you see, Mr. Kusanagi, as we explained to you during the event, our problem was not with you in particular, but rather, a faulty- product of your company, since then, your company has stopped production of this product (swords) and thus us ninjas have no current problem with your company." answered Scorpion, or Scorps, if you're a close friend of him. Kyo continued, having turned away from Scorpion to look upon what he called his city, "So, thanks to my association with you, the ninjas are practically my allies, which is good, I could always use more allies. But what about that bitch Iori Yagami? I recall he's now buddy-buddy with your ninja gang." "Iori Yagami will not be a problem," said Scorps, Scorpy-worpy if you're his girlfriend. "I have taken precautions that as long as Mr. Blackheart has a use for you, Iori Yagami will not get in your way. (except weekends)" "What?" asked Kyo, "Did you say 'on weekends'" "No, I did not." "Are you sure? I'm pretty sure I heard you say 'on weekends'" "No, I did not say that." "Alright Mr. I'm-so-sure-what-I-said-because-I'm-a-totally-sweet-ninja. We'll see if you really are so sure what you said." Kyo then reached into his desk and pulled out the tape-recorded he had playing at all times, he rewound it several seconds and pushed the play button. The cassette spoke: "Oh Trowa!" "Oh Quatre!" Scorpion chuckled as Kyo angrily reached into his desk and pulled out the correct tape recorder. He rewound a few seconds and played a clip: "...Iori Yagami will not get in your way. (except weekends)" "Ah-ha!" Kyo smiled, "Can't get anything past me!" Scorpion, without hesitation, shot some kind of crazy ninja spear from his hand and grabbed the recording device, he then crushed it in his hand and glared at Kyo, before starting the process of shoving the cool ninja-spear thing back into his arm. Kyo gulped and his a button on his new intercom, "Goro, redouble your efforts to keep me not dead on weekends." [---] FORGOT ABOUT JAE Chapter 17: Cross-dressing! JET! Story started Shelby Scott, aka Darkheart One, who I don't think is related to Zato-One, but you never know. This chapter written, produced, and drenched in hippie-blood by NeroMan Dead by: Dawn My uncle's real name is Kevin Ryan, how cool is that!? [---] Last time on Forgot About Jae: -To protect Kyo, Blackheart hired threeee Mortal Kombatants: A freak, a ninja, a senior citizen, and one guy who reminds me of the Decepticon "Ravage" -Shang Tsung looked like David Lo Pan -Ryu's current location was revealed. -Brad Vickers raced to warn Jae about..... something I'm not quite sure about. Are you? -Rock Howard beat up Skullomania. Sakuurra exposed herself. -Some of the Violence Unlimited boys wwoore dresses [---] Angel rode around on the Merry-go-round. For three hours. [---] Several days ago... Scorpion entered the room in Secret Ninja Headquarters Dojo. He bowed before his master, Hanzou (oh, that was *nice*). After bowing, Scorpion spoke. "Master Hanzou *shiver* it has come to my attention that there may be a conflict of interests. As you know, to maintain an alliances with the forces of Hell(c) I recently have come into the service of Mr. Blackheart, this has lead me to become the temporary bodyguard for one Mr. Kusanagi-" "Stop!" ordered Hanzou. "Being the totally sweet ninja that I am, I already know what your problem is, remember, ninjas have eyes - everywhere-, yes -everywhere- and I have already taken steps to protect our interests. Iori Yagami, show yourself." Coming from the shadows, Iori Yagami stepped into... light! Hanzou spoke to his underling, "Iori Yagami, from now on, you shall no longer hunt down your rival, Kyo Kusanagi" "but-" Iori objected, which is to be expected. "No." "but-" "No." "but-" "Oh, okay. Only on weekends. Scorpion, does that accommodate you well?" Scorpion nodded, vertically, which means, "Yes!" (just in case you didn't know). Having solved another ninja-crisis. Hanzou stood, and Hanzou spoke, "Now that I have solved another ninja crisis, let's celebrate by totally flipping out and cutting off some people's heads!" And everybody said, "Yatta!" [---] Cracker Jack was still looking for a place to park the Violence Unlimited van. When suddenly(!) Jae, asked a question. "Say, boss? Where did we get this van from anyway?" Cracker Jack continued to look around the parking lot. "Uh, I stole it." Jae was a bit startled by this answer, so he asked for a confirmation. "You *stole* it?" "Yes, kid, I stole it." CJ answered, but as soon as he did, he remembered Jae's passion for justice, so naturally, he lied. "I stole it in the name of justice from some evil entity or some such. Whatever." "Well that seems alright to me then," Jae said. "Say, where's my girlfriend?" [---] Zato-One, (no relation to, say, Kim Kap-one-) held up his captive who was wrapped in... shadow? "Now, criminal, prepare, as I (we) HOLD YOU HOSTAGE!" "Oh yeah!?" came the voice of Zato-One's greatest nemesis. "Skullomania! How dare you ruin my... er... our lives? Again!" roared Zato as he looked around the room to find his opponent, which was rather pointless, cause, you know, he was blind as a... really.... blind... guy. "Not anymore. You can call me... the Scarlet Skull!" announced the hero henceforth known as The Scarlet Skull as he stepped out of the shadows. "I felt it was time for a change!" Zato-One was amused by the not-webslinging opponent before him, "Felt like a change, huh? From the smell of the fresh blood, I'd say you were beaten up painfully and had your costume changed due to the heavy amounts of blood you were leaking." "Oh yeah!?" responded The Scarlet Skull. "Yeah!" responded Zato-One. "Oh yeah!?" responded The Scarlet Skull. Meanwhile, Jae's Nameless Everpresent Girlfriend slipped away. Zato- One, however, was not oblivious to this. "-Yea! Hey, my hostage is getting away." The Scarlet Skull looked at Zato questioningly. Somehow, Skullo's facial expression was reflected in his mask. "Yea, so what's the deal with that? I thought you were supposed to be a cool anti-hero badass who fights crime using controversially lethal means? "I... we... well... shut-up, the other guys in the Cult of Some thought it was a good idea." [---] "Christ." exclaimed Jae, "How do you *do* that?" "I told you, it's a gift!" answered Fuuma happily. Ultros answered with his own question, "Do my breasts look even?" This question made a lot more sense to you if you were aware that Kim Jae Hoon, along with Hugo, Ultros, and Fuuma were in dresses. "Damn, this is one huge parking lot," grunted CJ [---] Abobo sat. Abobo plotted. Abobo vowed that he would destroy Southtown bit by bit to accomplish his goals. Abobo swore to crush the one who embarrassed him so much so many years ago. Abobo made sure that his ex-lover would suffer. "Poison." [---] "Man, I am *so* bored," complained Dr. Doom as he sat on the couch. "No kidding, and your country's TV sucks," complained Doom's best buddy, Magneto, also sitting on the couch. "The only thing ever on is Baywatch: Doombot Shores." "What? You don't like Baywatch? Have you *seen* the size of the knockers on the lead actress?" "Hel-lo! She's a freaking Doombot! Her skin is metal!" "You say that like it's a bad thing. I thought you liked metal." "Not on my women." said Magneto, "Whatever happened to M. Bison? I haven't hung with him in ages." Doom spoke to his buddy, "Don't you know? Ever since he held the third Street fighter Alpha tournament he's been totally washed up. In one day over 20 different fighters beat him. Since then he's had his organization destroyed at least twice a day." "Really? Ouch. Hey I got a great idea! We can have a party, you know, to help him get back on his feet. All he needs is to get it together by hanging out with some real evil villains." "That's a sweet idea! Who do we invite though? Onslaught and Apocalypse of course, and there's Gill, I've made some metal pants he can wear." "Oh yea, I totally owe Onslaught from that time I asked him to restore my memory -and he did! Apocalypse is pretty cool, even though he plays poker with those dorks. I suppose we can let him in if he supplies the beer. What about Orochi and Blackheart?" Doom filled in his uninformed friend. "Blackheart? He was grounded by his dad for something. I heard from Gill that it was because he was looking at Internet porn.. And Orochi? He hangs out with Blackheart, you know, cause they're both trapped in Hell(c). I suppose if we can convince BH to let us hold the party in Hell(c)..." "Good idea, but first, I finally found a good show, Marvel vs. Hollywood Squares: New Age of Has-beens." "Yeah, it's a shame about what happened to all those heroes. There were some good ones. Whatever happened to all the superheroes and X-teams?" asked Doom. Magneto sat back. "Oh you don't know?" [---] Captain America stood tall and proud. "Bring it on, Onslaught. You might have captured the minds of two of the world's most powerful mutants, but all of earth's heroes in one mighty stand of justice, can never be defeated." he professed emotionally, a tear dripping down his face. Surrounding him was at least a hundred heroes, each willing to sacrifice what they cloud to stop Onslaught. "Foolish humans!" spoke Onslaught. Well, though Onslaught anyway. He's a psychic, you know. "The dream is dead!" Captain American shouted out, "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" "Oh. Well, sorry to bother you, then," said Captain America as the collected army of Earth's heroes gave up. There was no more point in fighting for Xavier's dream, it died. Onslaught said so. Turning away from the psychic monster, Captain American stood facing his good friend Thor. "Say Thor, want to go to a bar or something?" "Verily!" As each hero left to live his or her life in a much more normal way, no longer support Xavier's dream, one lone hero continued to stand ready to fight Onslaught. Jean Grey approached her boyfriend. "Honey, what's the matter? Come on, let's go home." "...dreams never die." [---] The announcer spoke: "Live! from King Hippo Studios in downtown Southtown comes the brand new amazing incredible show: MARVEL! VERSUS! HOLLYWOOD! with famous icons like Wolverine, Sean Connery, Jean Grey, Jerry Lewis, The Incredible Hulk, Whoopi Goldberg, Hawkeye, The Shat, Silver Surfer, Michael Keaton, Iron Man, Alex Winter, War Machine, Keanu Reeves, Colossus, Fei Long, Thor Smith, George Carlin, Captain America, William Sadler, The Punisher. And here are your hosts, Stan 'The Man' Lee and Greg Lee!" [---] The Bootleg Buccaneers sat around the stolen television set they used to record television shows to record them and then redistribute the shows over the internet. Cervantes happened to be eatting popcorn. He took in a handful, "Arr, wasn't that Greg Lee fellow the host of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" "Yeah, I wonder whatever happened to her. Think they ever caught her? She was quite the fine wench. If you know what I mean." joked Johnny. Ruby Heart just chuckled while the back of her neck began to become a little sweatier. "A-heh, I'm sure they must have caught her eventually, I mean, it's not like she could have possibly changed her outfit, learned how to fight, and became a swashbuckling pirate, that's for sure. A-heh. Yea, that's the ticket." Bonne Jenet gave Ruby Heart a strange stare, "Say, what game were you in before MvC?" Johnny threw a blank CD-R at the television, "Damn, this Marvel Vs Hollywood Squares show sucks. Everybody is randomly shouting out words as fast as they can, there isn't any skill involved! What Kind of company would make a game like this?" [---] "True believers, this show we have now is incredible! Fantastic! Stupendous! Our first contestant representing the Marvel team is the incredible! The fascinating! The amazing Cyclops!" yelled Stand 'The Man' Lee. "YES!" yelled out Cyclops as he sat down in the contestants seat. "Dreams never die!" "Incredible!" boasted Stan "The Man" Lee. "Out first Outstanding! question today is: How many episodes of The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer ever aired? Fantastic!" The washed up celebrities answered the question, with no restraint, summarized: "Verily!" "Washington State!" "Three Hundred!" "Buymybook! buymybook!" "Rookie!" "What a Powerful Fighter!" "But Don't Forget There Are Many Like You All Around The World." "I'm not Joseph, Dammit!" "IM DUFFMAN!" "Oh Yeah!" "COLOSSUS!!!" "w00t!" "Rookie!" "buymybook buymybook!" "Whoa..." "They love me in Paris!" "HULK SMASH!" "Whoa!" "Stupendous!" exclaimed Stan 'The Man' Lee. "Cyclops, which of the Awesome! contestants do you suspect might have, at one point, said the answer!" "JEAN'S NICE!" "Amazing choice! (and not surprising if I say so myself!) Judges, did the Stupendous Jean Grey say anything close to the number eight?" *ding* "YES!" Cyclops congratulated himself. "Our next Spectacular! question: How many Shotos can a Shotokan kan if a Shotokan can kan Shotos?" And so: "Tornado claw!" "Hulk love puppies!" "Verily!" "Alright, I've had enough of this!" "Buymybook-ow!" "I'm serious, I quit this stupid job!" "Let's go bub!" "Final Justice!" "You, shut up, now!" "Can't breath!" "Whoah!" "Three thousand!" "Stop yelling, dammit!" "Hulk Crush!-ow!" "Incredible!" protested, well, you know whom. "It appears as if the Fantastic! Sean Connery has begun to battle with every Amazing! contestant, it's so Incredible! Stupendous! Adjective! Exclamation! And in an Awesome! twist, it seems that the Incredible! Sean Connery has challenged me! The Legendary! Stan 'The Man' Lee! Stupendous! What? You want some of this? Bring it on, True Believer!" "Why am I even here?" Mumbled Greg Lee. "Verily." [---] "Dammit!" yelled Dio Brando. "Cyclops personality in that last scene was a complete rip-off of his personality in some-other-fanfic series! I haven't seen unoriginality like that since... since Bahn and Dandy J!" he ranted as he walked down the middle of a street, in broad daylight. "But master," soothed Vanilla Ice, "That's how Cyclops actually acts, sorta, anyway. Now could you please explain to me again why we are walking down the street holding rather large boulders over our heads while an Asian man spray paints obscenities on aforementioned rocks?" "For the one hundredth time, Iced. We have to carry these boulders to gives us shade and to protect ourselves from the sunlight. Vampires + Sunlight = Bad. And I'm sure as hell not going to use one of those poofy pink umbrellas you carry around. Also, there isn't anybody painting these rocks, you idiot, there is obviously some chemical reaction with the minerals or some shit. Now help me look for a good house for sale." Kazuya answered his cell phone. "Huh? Party? Yea sure, whatever." He then went back to spray painting "Jojo rulz" on Dio's rock. [---] Super Happy Akuma wandered around outside of OOSHA headquarters, "!!!!!!" he smiled. Somebody had stolen his favorite floating-around-on rock, but it wasn't a problem to him, it was still a happy day and he could just teleport around, he could use the exercise. [---] Joseph Joestar sat onscreen "Hello, I'm Joeseph Joestar, are you like me, having trouble keeping the sun out of your eyes while you pound the crap out of some assassin? Do you sometimes wish that you had a neat psychic friend to help keep the sun out of your eyes, but this friend was invisible to everybody aside from people who had their own psychic buddies and whoever has the glasses of G'vock? Well. Allow me you help you. Just walk, don't run! Down to Speedwagon Stands and Hats. Where we can set *you* up with a Stand all of your own. We have plenty of spare colors and music references waiting for you! Hon-Fu appeared on screen, "I used to be really down all the time, until I got my own Stand, and a hat! Now I always have company when I stay awake at nigh watching the gameshow channel! Watch this! STAN BUSH!" Nothing happened. "Amazing, huh?" continued Hon Fu. He then put on a hat and walked offscreen to be replaced by Kliff Undersn. "People always used to disregard me as just a guy with a big knife, but ever since I got a hat, people have been giving me way more respect! VINCE DICOLA!" Nothing happened for several seconds until Kliff walked off screen. Joseph finished up with commercial. "So come now to Speedwagon Stands and Hats. You won't be pissed off afterwards, and the scar you'll get from the arrow will attract females!" [---] Crack Jack had finally managed to park the Van, it had taken three hours and seveteen minutes of searching for a parking space, but he finally parks the van. He called out to his employees, "Okay. Now as I said, it is completely important that you get paid in full for this job. You mission is pretty standard, we have been hired by some guy named Neo to slam his sister Geo. Oddly enough, he didn't mind that I let the phone ring 72 before I picked it up." The four crossdressers nodded their heads and exitted the Van, a short walk later they say their target, Geo. They also say their employer, Neo. Both of them were apparently mime-rowing a canoe, they wore wigs which didn't at all look like real hair, and they wore pink bath robes. Clearly inane. The taller one stood up, "Neo! Look! it seems we have visitors!" exclaimed Geo. Jae appreached the standing insane person and asked first. "Excuse me, are you Geo?" "Yes! I am Geo!" piped up Geo. "And I am Neo!" piped up Neo, who was still paddling the canoe. "And we are 'The Sizzle Strikaz'" the duo said in unison. "...and not two clearly insane people!" added in Geo. "Are you, perhaps, the prrrricks! we hired?" Jae, who was quite confused since Neo was the one who hired the group, shurgged and smiled, "I suppose so." "Excellent!" shouted Neo in an overly loud voice. "We can assume you prrricks will get the job done quickly and destory England's-" Hugo removed his very large fist from Neo's body, which currenlty lie on the ground, as most bodies do after contact with Hugo's hands. Hugo didn't enjoy being called a prrrick! and he didn't enjoy wearing a dress so he wanted this mission to be done with quickly. "My god! What an amazing job! You prrricks! are great!" bounce Geo, who ran over to the body of his best friend and sister. "My god, Neo! Look what happened to you! I told you to wear a life jacket!" "No Geo, Look what happened to you! You look horrible! pale! sick! pale! aweful! sick... and pale!" said Neo. "My God! You're right! I am in horrible condition! We must find our long lost cousin Fio and ask him to train us, and perhaps then we can win King Of Fighters 94!" said the physically healthy but mentally less-than-healthy Geo. "But first, proper payment for services rendered." said Neo, who, despite being rather brutally injured, managed to reach into his bath robe and removed a wad of bills which was handed to Jae. "Here is three thousand dollars! Now go and save the world!" Jae pocketed the money and turned around, he and the rest of the Violence Unlimited walked back to the van. They had done a good job, somehow, and were paid well for it behind them they heard something like "Oh, why do the good always die so young?!" followed by "Don't worry Geo, I'm sure they'll find a cure for your Smallpox!" Fuuma reflected on the events of the day, "Those guys were AWESOME." [---] Dr. Doom and Magneto stood at the entrance to hell with Dr Doom. Blackheart stood behind them silently. Onslaught teleported before them. "HEY GUYS" he telepathically broadcasted. Doom said "Onlsaught! great to see you, you're the first guest, okay? so why don't you go inside and set up Blackhearts PS9?" "VERY WELL" thought Onslaught as he hovered through the portal into the comfier part of hell. the next arrival arrived in a strang car, on one side, the car was a Saturn, on the other side, it was a Chevy. Gill stepped out of the car. "Hey guys! Dig my new car?" "Ah geez!" said Magneto as he averted his head, Dr. Doom and Blackheart did the same. "Quickly! Go inside, Dr. Doom left some un-burnable pants in the bathroom, put those on!" "Pants? Awesome!" exclaimed Gill as he rushed into Hell. Arriving after Gill was Apocalypse. "HEY GUYS. I BROUGHT A KEG." "Great!" said Doom, "bring it inside! Hey wait a minute. Is that a henchman?" "YEA" Magneto informed Apocalyse, "We said on the invitation that no henchmen were allowed! No Acolytes or anything!" "OKAT, DEATH, GO... CAUSE DEATH OR SOMETHING." Apocalypse carried the massive keg into hell. M. Bison was the last attende after Apocalypse. He came in a beat-up Volkswagon. He stepped out of his car and walked over to Doom and Magneto. "Thanks for the party guys, this really means a lot to me." Doom brushed off M. Bison's thanks. "To Doom it is no problem, now c'mon, the party already started." Inside, Magneto poured himself a beer fromthe massive keg. He raised his cup in the air. "A toast!" he said. "To comebacks!" "TO COMEBACKS!" the party-goers all shouted out as they each raised their glasses. Magneto spoke up next, "Now lets all go bug that loser Thanos!" And everybody said "yatta!" [---] *Splat* "Hmm? What could that be? Who dares to encounter I, Thanos!" thought Thanos, he had just sat down to enjoy his dinner of Chef Boyardee when he heard a splat from outside. He stood up, opened his window, and stuck his head out. Making himself the perfect target for anybody who might be tossing eggs at his house. *Splat* "Great shot, Onslaught" Thanos wiped the egg off his eyes and looked at the group before him. first to catch his eye was Blackheart, standing silently. Then he saw Orochi, Blackheart, Dr. Doom, Magneto, Gill, M. Bison, Onslaught, and Apocalypse. And for the most part, they were all holding eggs. "Hey, you guys quit it! Don't make me tell death" Thanos whined. The group laughed at him. Thanos continued. "Don't make me use my power glove on you jerks!" He closed his window and tried to ignore the grou's taunts. He opened up his drawer and pulled out a strange, orange glove covered in jewels. He kissed it. "I love my power glove, it's sooo bad." [---] End! Authors Notes: 1. Not saying "The Man" in Stan "The Man" Lee is high crime. 2. I bet I'm also related to a Mary Ryan. 3. http://www.realultimatepower.net/ Special thanks to Gavok for pre-reading, and putting more effort into it than I put into writing this thing. And thansk to Mervyn for giving me and extension, thanks to The Kids in The Hall for unknowingly letting me borrow the personalities of Neo and Geo from them. I LOVE YOU STAN!