"Sick bastard," CJ muttered, as he walked down the street leading to Violence Unlimited. "If he thinks I'm gonna stay in that damned Taco Bell while he reduces the ozone layer, he can take his money and stick it up his-" "CJ!" Poison bellowed, running over to hir boss. "What now?" CJ barked, brandishing his bat wildly. "Remember that spiky black samurai guy?" "The one who looked like the offspring of Spawn and a porcupine on acid?" "Yeah." "What about him?" "Well," Poison began. "He drove by here a while ago, rampaged through our offices, then left in the weirdest damn car I've ever seen." CJ patted his bat against his palm. "Fucker's goin' down." He looked behind Poison at the smoking rubble of VU. He frowned. "Where's the Driver?" [---] The Driver was running full-speed in the direction of Garuda and the Hammerhead. He knew his way around these streets like each and every one of the firearms in his jacket: intimately. The only problem was that he just couldn't go fast enough to catch up with the samurai-demon. A distinct, familiar sound brought the Driver to a halt. He stood in the middle of an intersection, listening carefully. It was a car. The Driver grinned with malicious glee. He pulled a pistol from his jacket with more slick and cool than even a bishonen could muster. The sound of the engine drew closer. Closer. Closer. *BAM* [---] A large black man coughed up blood as he rolled across the gravel from his car. He lay there for a few seconds, then got up. He stared at the shrinking form of his car, now in the hands of the Driver. He massaged his hands, then opened his mouth wide. And cheered. "I'm free!" Axel cried, tears flowing down his face. "I'm finally free!" He began to do a jolly dance in the middle of the street, clapping his hands for the first time in years. *BAM* [---] Dollface leered as she braked just a few feet from Axel's mangled corpse. She giggled. "This is fun!" she cackled, just before putting her semi into reverse. [---] Forgot About Jae Chapter 15: Silence of the *BAM*s This story allowed to escape by Umbrella employee Shelby "Darkheart One" Scott This chapter hijacked for the purposes of organized crime by Matt "Zeroin" Maldonado [---] Last Time on "Forgot About Jae" - OOSHA was ignored. Again. - Rock Howard started wearing Krauser's armor without giving thought to hygiene. - Hugo, Sharon, and Fuuma became...THE BATTLERS!! - CJ found himself at the mercy of the REAL Battler Man's digestive system. - Garuda stole a car. Certain Twisted Metal characters were eliminated. No, I don't know who they are. And I don't care. - Calypso beat up Calypso and took over Calypso's operation. Don't ask. [---] "You know," Poison began. "I think the Driver can handle himself." "I agree," CJ said, letting his binoculars drop from his eyes. "He's *good*, getting Axel out of his car like that." "Did you even see-" "Nope." "Me neither." A pause. "So, now what?" Poison asked, adjusting hir hat. CJ did the same. "We start filing our insurance, that's what." [---] Rock Howard stared at the list before him. "No way." "Yes, way," Stone Krauser said patiently. "But-" Rock stabbed the paper with his finger. "-but those are..." He looked up at his cousin and scowled. "Why are you smiling?" "Huh? Oh, no reason." Stone quickly shifted into Concerned Mode. "Don't you *want* to be all-powerful?" "Yeah, but this is going a bit too far!" "For omnipotence? I don't think so. I'd do it." Rock stared at Stone. "You would," he said finally. Stone ignored the comment. "So, are you gonna do it?" Rock gazed blankly at his list, then sighed. "I wish I was old enough to drink." [---] The Driver smiled quietly as he caught up to Garuda. He felt so, so...*right* in a stolen car. Even a stolen car like Axel's. It wasn't so great, but he was only beginning to discover all the quirks and features of the odd automobile. [---] Garuda could FEEL the Prey nearby. Obsidian spikes rose and fell all over his body in trepidation. The blood of the Prey would coat their surface in a matter of minutes. Garuda couldn't wait. Then he looked in his rearview mirror. An Italian man in a jacket and cargo pants was driving a strange vehicle with huge wheels. And he was *grinning*. Garuda began to sweat in his armor. [---] The Driver's grin widened. He'd just found the controls for the weapons. [---] Jae backed away from the huge man, who resembled a muscular, Asian Mr. Clean. "W-who are you?" he asked tremulously, getting into a fighting stance. At first, the man said nothing. Then: "ABOBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" he screamed, throwing the car at Jae. But Jae wasn't there anymore. Before Abobo could react, he felt the All-Mighty Flaming Foot of Justice strike him soundly in the back of the neck. "HA!" Jae roared, landing behind the man and glaring defiantly. Abobo slowly turned around. He didn't look the least bit harmed. "..." [---] Rock and Stone stood, staring at the house before them from the sidewalk. "I can't do this," Rock said for the hundredth time, turning to leave. Stone grabbed him, turned him around, and nudged him forward. "I hate you," he said, as he headed up to the front door. "You'll thank me later!" Stone yelled, grinning. "Besides, after this we can go beat up Skullomania!" Rock brightened up a bit. He knocked on the door. After a few minutes, he knocked again. Frustrated, but determined to get it over with, he knocked again. Just before Rock's glowing fist impacted with the door, it opened. Sakura Kasugano stepped out of her house, brushed aside Rock's stalled fist, and blinked up at him prettily. Rock bigsweated. "Uhhh, M-miss Kasuga-Kusa-Miss Sakura?" "Yes?" Sakura said in a sultry voice. "Ummmm..." Rock bit his lip. "Errr..." "C'mon, Rock!" Stone shouted. "Just say it!" Rock cursed his cousin and looked back up at Sakura. "Well, I..." Sakura batted her eyelashes and pouted her lips. "I need a pair of your panties!" he blurted. Sakura blinked. "Oh, is that all?" she said. [---] While walking down the street, Angel realized she wasn't wearing anything under her skin-tight body suit. And then she said Hanzou. Twenty times. Just thought you'd like to know. [---] Abobo glared at Jae, seething hatred barely contained by his massive, powerful body. His face was glowing red, and his upper lip twitched in manic fury. Jae was just wishing he'd bothered to write a will when all the lights in the garage blacked out. "Wha-" he began, but before he could finish the lights went back on again. Jae froze in mid-question, and stared. There was Abobo. There was Abobo, wearing a metallic green tube top and ultra-tight blue jeans. There was Abobo, in his tube top and jeans, with a boom box by his side. There was Abobo, dancing to Britney Spears. "o/~I'M A..." Abobo sang, in a high-pitched voice. "...SLAAAAAAAAAAAVE...4 U...o/~" He raised his hands over his head and began to thrust and roll his hips to the music. Jae burst into flames and ran through a wall, leaving a pile of black sludge and a smoking hole. "Wait!" Abobo yelled, still high-pitched. "I haven't even gotten to sing N*SYNC for you!!" Frightened whimpering could be heard for miles. [---] The sound of Abobo's singing reached the now-scarred soul of Battler Man/Hugo Andore, who shook like a vibrator and began a frantic search for a hiding place. [---] Garuda U-turned in the Hammerhead, trying in vain to lose the persistent Driver. The samurai hadn't found the weapon controls yet, so was forced to stall for time until he had. Of course, being Garuda, he found alternatives. Garuda slowed down, just enough so that the Driver was only a few yards behind. After calculating the distance, adjusting the equation for wind and acceleration, he grinned and let one arm hang out the window. [---] The Driver narrowed his eyes. Something was up, and he had to be ready. Thing is, nobody is ever ready to have a half-dozen black spikes launched at them. Thing is, the Driver isn't nobody: he swerved Axel's car, using the wheels to deflect the spikes. Simultaneously, he launched three freeze missiles directly in the path of the Hammerhead. [---] Garuda was chuckling deeply as he watched the Driver spin out of control. He looked up just in time to see ice creep over the surface of his vehicle. Garuda was not having a happy happy joy joy day. [---] "Fuuma, what are you doing?" Fuuma, a rope strapped tightly around the middle of his Bao Wonder costume, ^_^'d at Sharon. "I'm going to save Hugo! You wait there, I'll be right back down!" That said, he began to pull himself up, concentrating hard to keep his feet from losing their grip on the building. He didn't want to plummet to his death, nosiree. "Fuuma!" Sharon yelled. "Can't you see I'm busy scaling this building!?" Fuuma yelled back. "I might FALL!" "Fuuma, you're on the *ground*." "What?" Fuuma looked down. "Oh! Ha ha!" He rubbed the back of his head and laughed. "Whoops!" Sharon had to fight the urge to use AK-chan on herself. Fuuma's idiocy wasn't THAT bad, was it? Was it? "Sharon! Hey, Sharon!" Sharon looked over at Fuuma, who had ditched the rope and was now standing at the end of the street. "What, you idiot?" Fuuma ^_^'d. "I found Hugo!" He looked down at his friend. "And I think he's gone into a coma!" "Great. Just great." [---] The Driver made his way over to the frozen Hammerhead, rocket launcher in hand. Why was the Driver doing this? Cause he's the Driver, that's why. Don't ask questions, ho. A crack appeared in the ice, followed by a single black spike. The Driver hefted the rocket launcher onto his shoulder, aimed, and fired. The rocket slammed into the car, throwing it through a concrete wall and into Abobo, whose garage happened to be right where Garuda had been stopped. The Driver smirked and returned to Axel's car. He drove off into the night, a raise in his near future. [---] Back in the garage, Garuda was hardly dead. He was pissed as all hell, but he wasn't dead. "ABOBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Garuda jumped and looked around to see a very angry, very red, very *pantsless* Abobo charging him. For the first time in his existence, Garuda felt a soul-crushing wave of fear possess his mind. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" [---] Ultros raised his glass high. "E. Honda smacked my ass and ate all my lemons and cream! To E. Honda!" "TO E. HONDA!" [---] Southtown Televised Direct (STD) Studios, 12:30 PM "1, 2, 3...you're on!" "Hello, and welcome to..." the host, Johnny Pringles, said, a huge grin planted on his face. "...The Ratings Show with Johnny Pringles!" Johnny waved at the audience, who cheered and applauded. "Tonight on the Ratings Show we have the famous wrestler, KIM...KORN...KAAARN!!" He continued to grin. "C'mon out, Kim!" Kim Korn Karn came out, waved to the crowd, and powerposed. The audience 'oohed' and 'aahed' appropriately. A pair of pants flew past the wrestlers head. "Well, Kim Korn Karn," Johnny said as his guest sat down. "We here at STD are glad to have you back!" He glanced at his notes. "So, what have you been doing lately?" "I have been consulting with Sie Konsou and a Mr. Nikkaido on a movie," Kim Korn said proudly. "It'll be great." "Really?" Johnny said, pretending to be interested. "Who's going to be in it? What's it about?" "Well, we have Ms. Athena Asamiya, playing the lead character, a woman unable to control her hyperactive libido. It'll be great." Now Johnny *was* interested. "Athena Asamiya, huh? I'd pay to see that!" Kim Korn Karn nodded. "And playing opposite Ms. Asamiya is Sie Konsou himself, as the lucky, ultra-bishonen pizza boy. Mr. Nikkaido and I are Director and Producer, respectively." He grinned. "It'll be great." "Nikkaido?" Johnny asked. "Benimaru Nikkaido?" "Yes." "The--" A glare from Kim Korn Karn silenced him. "Right, then. Moving on." He shuffled his papers. "About your next appearance in the Southtown Tournament Dome..." [---] "SIE!!!" Athena Asamiya roared drunkenly, stumbling away from the bar's TV. "YOU BASTARD!!" "Dude," Benimaru said, shaking his head. "I TOLD YOU." Sie, hidden behind the bar, scowled. "I didn't know Kim was going to be on today! I only talked to him about it a few minutes ago!" "SIE! I'LL GET YOooouuuuu....ugh." "I think she's out of it, man." "I'm stayin' right where I am," Sie whimpered. [---] "And next," Johnny said, glancing back at his papers. "We have a poll about who you think is the single most dangerous villain in Southtown. Are you ready, Kim?" "Always, Johnny," Kim Korn Karn said with a smile. "First, we have the Chenguin." "Bah!" Kim 'bah!'d'. "A fowl-mouthed midget, that's all!" Johnny nodded. "The Smoker?" "Black-lunged baby." "Clay9999?" "Putty in my hands!" "El Riddlador?" "El Riddlador?!" Kim Korn Karn roared, smashing Johnny's desk with a chair. "El Riddlador is a most dangerous fiend, I tell you! Even *I*, *KIM KORN KARN*, fear *HIM*!" "Oh, come on!" Johnny yelled, incredulous. "He can't be THAT dangerous!" "Oh, but he *IS*!" Kim Korn Karn bellowed. "FOR HE *HAS* ROLLING SOBAT!" Johnny, the Audience, and the Cameramen all gasped. "What a dark day, this is..." murmured Johnny Pringles. [---] "Thanksh for the shaki, Mish Shak--Saksh--Shaksh--schoolgirl lady!" Stone slurred, stumbling over his feet and landing face first on Sakura's lawn. Rock, who'd only had an A&W Root Beer, bigsweated as he turned to Sakura. "Sorry about him; I didn't know he was such a heavy drinker." "It's alright," Sakura whispered, putting a hand on his chest. "*You* more than make up for his bad manners." She let one finger trail down his chest, making him shiver. "Th-thanks for the panties," Rock mumbled, holding up the red undergarments. "It's no...problem," Sakura purred, her hand dropping lower than normal decency allows. "Ms. Kasugano," Rock said levelly. "Are you seducing me?" Sakura grinned. "You're damn right I am." She pulled him into her house by the waistband of his father's Emergency Pants. "And, my big Rock, you are going to show me just how powerful the Panties of Sakura really are!" The door slammed shut. "Rnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn," Stone snored in the grass. [---] Thanks go to Gavok for his wonderful ideas, most of which I used. His input on the first draft of my chapter was also greatly appreciated. Congrats go to MMK for graduating from high school, which still doesn't make any damn sense to me. Does Canada have a completely different school schedule, or something? Thanks also go to MMK for the Kim Korn Karn scene and for dropping off the queue. This way, I'll have time to do New Haven! Anyone I forgot, forgive me. Complaints and other such things can be sent to mmzeroin2@anime-genesis.com. I apologize with all my heart for the last scene with Rock and Sakura. I figured that if RECBT had a sexual deviant character (King), why couldn't FAJ? Please, put the guns away. The next author, Grahf316, can fix it if he wants to. So there. Nyah nyah. Ha-ha. . Matt "Zeroin" Maldonado 6/29/02 6:50:28 PM. [---] "Oh Trowa!" "Oh Quatre!" "Oh Miss Butterworth!" "Oh Aunt Jemima!" "Oh Frosty-chu!" "Oh Chu-Chu, love!" "Oh Rock!" "Oh Sakura!" "OH YEAH!!" Kool-Aid Man said, as he crashed through the wall. "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!" everyone screamed. "oh yeah..." Kool-Aid Man muttered, as he left. [---] "...SIGN UP FOR NEW HAVEN!!" I *still* can't get over that! Damn you, W4, damn you to hell!