"You sure that's what you saw?"

"Yes, daddy. He... pulled the trigger and... the bullet just 
stopped!"

"I figured as much."

Joseph Joestar walked with his daughter Holly and his travel 
companion Muhammad Abdul. He wasn't surprised about the request for 
help. He knew that it was only a matter of time before his grandson 
Jotaro's powers would awaken.

"His cell is in there," the warden told him. Joseph and the others 
walked into the jail to see Jotaro lounged in his prison. It was his 
choice to be locked up. He knew there was something brewing inside 
him. Something evil.

He saw the man coming over to the cell and perked up. "Sweet! It's 
Sean Conner- oh. It's you."

"Jotaro," Joseph said, face to face with his grandson. "I'm here to 
help you."

The teenager turned away. "Hmph. I don't need your help, old man."

"Listen to me. I know what you're going through. You have developed 
what the kids on the street call a 'Stand'. I have one too."

"A Stand?"

"Yes. A Stand. It's a physical incarnation of your fighting spirit. 
You and I must use our Stands to destroy Dio Brando, our blood enemy. 
On our quest we'll have to do battle with a soul-stealing gambler, a 
pedophilic monkey, a man with two right hands, a kung fu tumor and 
others, with stupid names like Captain Tennille and Steely Dan."

Jotaro lifted his eyebrow. "Sounds like quite the adventure."

"Yes. A bizarre adventure, if you will."

Jotaro leaned against the wall. "Well, I won't. I'm not leaving. 
Especially since they're serving Jello at the cafeteria tonight."

"Then you give me no choice. Avdol!"

The dark-skinned man stood up. "Mr. Joestar, my name is Abdul and you 
know it."

 "Yeah, whatever. Get him out of that cell."

A humanoid with a bird's head appeared and floated above Abdul. 
"Forgive me, Mr. Joestar, but I may have to get a little rough."

"I don't care. Just get the job done."

Using its flames, the Magician's Red destroyed the prison bars. The 
warden and the guards were shocked to see what seemed like the bars 
flying off on their own. By reflex, a large, Aztec-looking robot 
appeared above Jotaro with its fists out. The Star Platinum glared at 
the Magician's Red. The two powerful Stands rushed at each other.

And then they commenced in slap fighting with their heads turned 
away.

"I'll give you such a pinch!" Jotaro cried.

Joseph just blinked. Then he angrily threw his hat to the ground and 
stormed away. "That's it! I quit!"

The warden caught up to him. "Mr. Joestar, what is going on?"

Joseph continued to walk away. "It's a long story. See, we have 
Stands and you don't. That means you can't see them."

"And there's no way for regular people to see them at all?"

"Well someone made a pair of sunglasses that could see Stands a long 
time ago but they've been missing for years. Nobody has a clue about 
what ever happened to them."

[---]

Pausing from a one-on-one game of basketball, Clark Steele adjusted 
his sunglasses. "Say, Ralf. Check out that thing over there."

Ralf got ready to shoot. He peered over and he lost his grip on the 
ball as it fell to the ground along with his jaw. "Whoa, man! Look at 
that chick!" The Ikari warrior gawked at the woman across the street 
at the bus stop.

"Ralf, don't you notice anything weird?"

He continued to stare at Midler. "Hells yeah! My bandana covers more 
skin than that outfit!"

"No, I mean that floating troll thing in front of her."

"Dude, what are you talking about? All I see is a harem girl with a 
nice rack and two lucky star-shaped pasties."

Clarks removed his shades and saw the same as Ralf did. He put them 
back on and again saw the High Priestess floating near Midler.

"Wacky. Something about these sunglasses lets me see some fuzzy, 
mucus leaking monster over there."

Ralf scoffed. "Uh huh. Man, fuck you." He took a jump shot and 
bricked it. "Damn."

"I'm serious, Ralf." Clark removed his trademark sunglasses. "See for 
yourself."

"I'm not going to fall for it, all right?"

"Ralf, put on the sunglasses."

"I don't want to."

"Ralf, put on the sunglasses."

"I'm not going to do it. So quit it!"

"Ralf, put on the goddamn sunglasses!"

Ralf knocked Clark back with a right hook. "No!"

Clark grabbed Ralf and drove him into the ground, headfirst.

"*Put* *on* *the* *sunglasses*!"

"Never!" Ralf used Clark's cheek as a means to make a mold for his 
fist (in Laymen's terms, he punched him). The Ikari cracked his 
knuckles and looked ready.

"Putonthesunglassesyousonofabitch!" is what Clark screamed as he dove 
into his best friend and rolled him around the street.

[---]

Forgot About Jae
Chapter 9: The Shoe Doctor Is In

Story extracted from the heads of Fanfiction Gnomes by Shelby 
"Darkheart One" Scott.

Chapter sentenced to death for horse stealing by District Attorney 
Gavin "Gavok" Jasper and Judge Scott "W4" Watson

[---]

Previously on FAJ...

Oh yeah! I remember writing that! Heh. Those wacky ninjas.

Anyway...

[---]

The battle had raged on for minutes. Buildings were reduced to 
rubble. The town's residents had either hid underground or fled to a 
neighboring town. Only a brave (or suicidal) few had stayed to watch 
the fight that would be known as, "The Really Pink And Cold Fight of 
That One Tuesday Afternoon."

Bad Mr. Frosty punched Chu Chu, causing her to crash into Dr. 
Robotnik's Shards of Broken Glass Factory. Chu Chu got up, looking 
like soggy cotton candy. She charged at Bad Mr. Frosty, picked him 
up and threw him into Bubsy Tomcat's Annoying-Sounding Defective Car 
Alarms Factory. Amidst an ear-splitting melody of sirens and buzzers, 
Bad Mr. Frosty shook his head and stood up.

Chu Chu and Bad Mr. Frosty charged at each other, arms extended. Just 
as they were about to collide, they locked fists and pushed with all 
their might against each other.

Their eyes locked. They snarled. Their eyes narrowed.

They continued to stare. Neither one budged.

The staring continued. A cherry blossom flew past them.

The staring continued. The sky around them became pink and rosy. 
Their deep scowls fade.

"Chu?" Chu Chu asked.

"Chill," Mr. Frosty replied.

They blushed. Their grips on each other loosened. A deep flush 
appeared on their faces (Bad Mr. Frosty's face nearly melted off).

"Chu!"

"Chill!"

Smiling, they embraced. They sighed in bliss.

The onlookers watched in utter confusion as Chu Chu and Bad Mr. 
Frosty, hand-in-hand, skipped through downtown.

"I'm glad that had a happy ending," Mai Shiranui sighed dreamily. 
"They belong together like my hand and Andy's firm ass."

[---]

"A shoe."

"Yes. A shoe."

"A fucking shoe."

"Yes! A fucking shoe!"

"You got to be fucking kidding me."

Dr. Doom blasted Skullomania with his finger lasers. "Quiet, 
imbecile!"

"Didn't hurt." The friendly neighborhood Skullomania said under his 
pained breath.

Doom pointed to a giant green shoe with a windup key sticking out the 
back. "With Kuriboh's Shoe, Doom will march valiantly into the 
battlefield! And as the world we be reminded, there is not a soul in 
the world that can fill the shoes of Victor Von Doom. This will be 
one small step for Doom; one giant crater in the earth!"

The tied up Skullo snickered. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever 
heard."

Doom exploded (as in anger, not as in Doombot). "Ah shut up, it is 
too a good idea! The other thing is, that when I'm in Kuriboh's Shoe, 
I'm stronger than even Ben Grimm! Shut up! Fuck you! You fucking 
dick! Always nay-saying everything I create! You piece of shit! You 
create something like Kuriboh's Shoe! You fucking shit! You fucking 
sit in your tower! Fucking fight evil- what's funny?"

Skullo continued to giggle at Doom's expense.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH! FUCKING FUCK YOU! FUCKING COCK-ASS!" Doom took a 
couple deep breaths and composed himself. "I have decided that you 
won't leave Latveria alive."

"That's okay."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I'm probably going to laugh myself to death anyway."

"Once Magnus arrives we are so going to torture..." The phone rang. 
"Ah, that must be him now." Doom picked up the receiver. "Doom 
Residence. Victor speaking. Uh huh. Uh huh. Really? You sure? Well 
then, you have Doom's gratitude and that is a powerful weapon to 
have. For Doctor Doom is the future ruler of this- Hello? I can't 
believe he just hung up on me! On Doom of all people! Christ."

The metal gloves rubbed the chin section of his metal faceplate. "It 
seems we'll have more visitors than expected. Doom needs to prepare."

[---]

"I don't know," Cracker Jack said. "I mean, Doctor Doom? That's a 
little too risky. What do you think?"

The mute wheelman from Liberty City shrugged and laid back.

"What about you, Sharon?"

"I don't know. A job's a job. It would be bad business to chicken 
out. Doom or no Doom. Or even a fraction of a Doom."

"Poison?"

"Fuck if I-"

Ralf and Clark rolled through the room, continuing to punch each 
other.

"Put on the sunglasses!"

"No!"

After the two were out of sight, Poison cleared hir throat.

"Fuck if I care."

"Hugo?" CJ noticed the absence of Hugo, followed by noticing the 
absence of Fuuma. "Where the hell are Hugo and Fuuma?"

Speak of the devils, the two walked in wearing tuxedos, top hats and 
carrying canes.

"And where the hell have you two been?" CJ said impatiently.

"HRRRGLGGGRR!"

Poison asked, "A talent show?"

[---]

Fuuma tap-danced across the stage while Hugo stood like a statue. The 
spirited ninja sang to the music.

o/~ "If you're blue and you don't know, Where to go, why don't you 
go, Where fashion sits?" o/~

He pointed his cane at Hugo.

"PRRRTTNGGGGNNNNRRRIIIIIIITZ!!"

o/~ "Different types who wear a day, Co-pants with stripes and cut 
away, Coat, perfect fits?" o/~

"PRRRTTNGGGGNNNNRRRIIIIIIITZ!!"

[---]

"And we won, too!" Fuuma piped.

"Cool beans!" Sharon exclaimed. "What did you win?"

Fuuma pulled out a card. "Check it out! A $50 gift certificate to 
Violence Unlimited!"

CJ would have sweat-dropped if it weren't for the fact that he was 
just way too badass to allow it. "Pack your bags, boys."

"Schlock rocking!" Fuuma shouted. "Where are we going?"

"Latveria. We received an anonymous order to go stop Dr. Doom's evil 
plans. So let's get out of here."

[---]

"You tipped Doom off, right?"

"Indeed I did." Karnov tugged on his mustache. "Dig Dug my raspy 
friend, this idea is one of brilliance!"

"Thanks, hon."

Akuma (no gimmick this time. Just plain old Akuma) wandered into Dig 
Dug's office. "What are you two talking about?"

"Karnov and I anonymously hired Violence Unlimited to take out Dr. 
Doom."

The big Russian laughed. "Scratch one pagan establishment!"

"You should have asked me if you wanted them gone so much," Akuma 
growled. "I beat their errand boy before. Every one of them would 
fall to my unmatched fists."

Dig Dug pulled out a piece of paper. "Well sorry, but we have 
something else in mind for you."

Akuma stared at the piece of paper. "..............."

"We've decided that you should take a couple courses in anger 
management." Karnov told him.

"SHOUSHI!" Akuma ax kicked Dig Dug's desk into splinters.

Dig Dug shook her head. "See, that's exactly what we're talking 
about."

[---]

Kim Dong Hwan sat on a cliff overlooking Angel Grove. He was deep in 
meditation.

Why, yes. I am lying through my teeth. Thank you for asking.

Kim Dong Hwan was removing earwax from his ears.

With his toes.

Screams and yells interrupted his activity. He looked over the cliff 
and saw the small town on fire. Humanoids that looked like they were 
made of clay were rampaging through town and burning buildings.

"Gasp!" Dong Hwan shouted. "I know now what I must do!"

He ran down the cliff, a grim look of determination on his face. He 
rushed into town.

"Hey! Look! It's Kap Hwan's boy!" a townsperson shouted.

"And he's here to save us!" a second townsperson shouted.

Dong Hwan waved to the townspeople, darted into a 7-11, grabbed a 
small box of Q-Tips, darted out of the 7-11 and ran back up the 
cliff.

The townspeople sobbed on each other's shoulders as the clay-like 
monsters circled them.

Sitting on top of the cliff, Dong Hwan happily cleaned his ears with 
his newly-acquired Q-Tips.

[---]

Cracker Jack watched the airplane movie and tried his best to get 
comfortable. He wasn't afraid of planes, but something about the 
flight was making him uneasy.

"Something wrong?" Sharon asked.

"I locked the doors, right?"

"Yeah."

"I turned the lights off, right?"

"Sure did."

"And I set the VCR to record Terry Bogard Fighting Around the World, 
right?"

"Definitely."

"Huh. Okay then." CJ laid back, tipped his had over his entire face, 
and attempted to take a nap. Ten seconds later, he sprung up.

"Oh no! Forgot about Jae!"

[---]

Jae abruptly pulled away from NEG and put his hands on his cheeks. 
"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!"

Deep within the bowels of Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, 
Sweaty, Pus-filled, Malformed, Slug-For-A-Butt's Maggot Factory, NEG 
gave Jae a look of bewilderment.

"What's the matter, Jae?" NEG asked. "Are the maggots crawling into 
your brain again?"

Jae shook his head. "No, dear. It's not that," he said with a sigh. 
"It's just..."

"Just what?"

"I feel... I feel like something's missing in our relationship," Jae 
sighed.

NEG looked at Jae with confusion.

"NEG... I think we should..." Jae mumbled.

NEG paled and shouted, "What? What do you think we should do?"

"NEG... I think we should... I think we should..."

"Yes? Yes? What?!?"

"I think we should take bagpipe lessons!" Jae wailed, tears forming 
in his eyes.

NEG shrieked, "NO! You can't possibly do-" She then paused. "Wait. 
That would be cool, actually."

Jae scooped NEG up in his arms. "Then let us make haste, my hyper 
affectionate beloved, to bagpipe class!" he announced as he merrily 
pranced out of the factory.

[---]

On top of the skyscrapers of South Town, two dark figures looked down 
at the city they had sworn to protect. The large, chunky figure with 
the lone shoulder pad seemed to be scribbling on a notepad.

"So what are we doing tonight, Battler Man?"

"We're going to the airport, old chum."

"Why is that?"

"Because tonight, we rid China of crime."

Bao Wonder blinked. "All of it?"

"Yeah. All of it. I have a timetable."

"But China's a big place..."

"Timetable, Bao Wonder."

"Really big."

"By midnight we should... how big?"

"Bigger than America."

"Whoa. Um...."

"BILLIONS OF PEOPLE!"

"Billions? Is that more than a gagillion?"

"Probably."

"Hrm. OK." Battler Man scribbled some more on his timetable. "Revised 
timetable. Tonight we rid that street corner over there of crime."

"Hi there!" an innocent voice said behind the Detested Duo, jolting 
Battler Man so he almost fell off the roof.

"Don't do that!" he took a couple deep breaths. When he turned around 
he saw a teenage girl with a tight green shirt and a plaid skirt on. 
Around her waist she had the long sleeves of another shirt tied in a 
knot.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Moe Habana."

"Like the lead Stooge?"

"I... guess..."

Battler Man grabbed Bao Wonder by the nose. "Woob woob woob." He then 
slapped his hand and caused Bao's nose to bleed.

"AUUUUUGGGGGGGGHH! Oooh boke bah dose!" the kid in the stupid hat 
exclaimed.

"Quit yer crying. Go walk it off. Rub some dirt on it."

"Anyways... I'm Moe."

"Like the..."

"Don't say it."

"Right."

"Anyways, everyone hates me."

"Probably because you pull on their noses with pliers." Battler Man 
reached to his utility belt and pulled something out.

"I'm NOT THAT MOE!"

"Right. Right." Battler Man put the Battler-pliers back into his 
belt.

"Everyone hates me, and I want to hang out with you guys."

"Why the hell would you want to...?" Battler Man looked her up and 
down. "I mean, tell me more."

"I asked everyone else to let me hang out with them, but they said 
you guys were the only people they hated worse than me." Moe pouted.

"Well... I think you can stay..."

"YAAY!"

"...if you meet our qualifications."

"What?"

"Are you willing to wear an embarrassingly tight outfit in outlandish 
colors?"

"Um... sure!"

"Great, great. While you're wearing that outfit, would you be 
willing to fight crime?"

"Yes!"

"Also, while wearing that outfit, would you be willing to jump up and 
down on a trampoline?"

"Well, uh... wait. Where did Bao Wonder go?"

"What are you talking about, he's right..." Battler Man turned his 
head and saw only a yellow hat and a pack of cigarettes. "Where *did* 
he go?"

Battler Man and Moe Habana heard a sinister laugh from the distance.

"HeeheeheeheehahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-" a coughing fit and 
hocking noises disrupted the laugh.

"Oh crap," Battler Man said. "It's him."

"Who?"

"See, it happened a couple years ago..."

[---]

"Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!"

Hol Horse the cowboy-type mercenary ran for dear life through 
Kusanagi Enterprises' abandoned chemical experiment lab. The dark 
shadow behind him refused to stop following.

"Listen," Battler Man said. "I just want some directions to Ruby 
Tuesdays!"

Hol turned around and pulled out his Stand-gun, the Emperor. As you 
can guess, Battler Man couldn't see it.

"Die, you bastard!" The cowboy pulled the trigger. The bullet missed 
Battler Man's head and instead deflected off his shoulder pad. It 
ricocheted off a wall and went right for Hol's face.

"Not again."

A bullet blasted its shooter and knocked him over the railing he was 
standing on. The cowboy splashed into a large tub of green chemicals. 
He tried to get out, screaming in agony as he did, but he was taken 
under by the goop.

Battler Man just stared wide-eyed at what just happened and attempted 
to save the cowboy. But then he noticed something in the corner of 
his eye.

"Hey, this vending machine has Whatchamacallits. Awesome."

While Battler Man put his spare change into the machine, he didn't 
see the bleached white arm rising from the chemical pool.

[---]

"And ever since then, the Smoker and his sidekick Mariah-Net have 
been my most significant arch-enemies. So come on, Battler Girl. To 
the Battlercave." He grabbed Moe, shot his Battlerang at another 
building and swung to his sweetass car.

Meanwhile, in a nearby alley...

"I'm going to ask you... one more time. Put on the sunglasses."

"Go... go to Hell, Clark!" Ralf pinned Clark to the ground and 
rapidly punched Clark in the face. Clark shoved him off, stood back 
up and staggered.

"I'll... see you there."

[---]

Jae and NEG walked into the classroom, wearing matching white tops, 
kilts, black socks and brown loafers, carrying their bagpipes in 
front of them. NEG smiled mischievously at Jae. "You know, Jae..." 
NEG purred. "It's traditional to not wear underpants underneath the 
kilt."

Jae's face became beet-red. "I... I didn't know that," he stammered.

"Jae," NEG sighed. "It'd be a bad idea to offend our teacher on our 
first class."

Jae chuckled nervously, "I... I really don't think our teacher would 
be offended if I kept them on."

Morrigan Aensland floated into the room, her outfit similar (yet two 
sizes too small) to those of Jae and NEG. "Greetings, class," she 
purred. "Welcome to Bagpipes 101. I'm your instructor, Morrigan 
Aensland. I can't wait to-"

Morrigan stopped mid-sentence and gave Jae an analytic look. 
"Hmmm..." she muttered, her seductive smile becoming a frown.

"Something wrong, teacher?" Jae asked.

Morrigan growled, "You're wearing your uniform wrong! You're wearing 
underpants underneath your kilt!"

Jae gulped as NEG mouthed, "I told you so." He bowed to Morrigan and 
responded, "I'm sorry, teacher. But to not wear underpants is evil."

NEG purred in Jae's ear, "But to disobey your teacher is evil, too."

Jae gulped again, his face reddening. Under the lusty gazes of both 
his girlfriend and his teacher, his will faded. He let his 
underpants drop to the floor, stepped out of them and kicked them 
into the corner.

Morrigan smiled. "That's better. Now..." she said, a bagpipe 
materializing in her arms. "We'll start with the basics. It is 
important that you position the bagpipe just right." She pressed her 
bagpipe into her abdomen, pushing up and accentuating her breasts. 
NEG, always the quick study, followed suit.

Jae dropped his bagpipe. "Uh... sorry," he mumbled, his face red. He 
didn't notice the looks of disappointment as he bent down with his 
knees to pick up his bagpipe.

"Now that we've got our bagpipes where we want them," Morrigan 
continued, "We have to hold it just right." Morrigan slowly stroked 
the outside lining of the bagpipe, grasping and gently stroking each 
rod of the bagpipe. NEG, always the quick study, followed suit.

Jae dropped his bagpipe again. Neither lady seemed to notice, 
although they did notice when he bent down at the hip to pick up his 
bagpipe.

"Now that we're holding it correctly, we're ready for the next step," 
Morrigan instructed. She floated towards Jae, stopping right in 
front of his face. "Do you know the next step?"

Jae shook his beet-red head.

"You just... put your lips together... and blow," Morrigan purred. 
She floated away from Jae and put her lips on the nearest rod. She 
blew softly, the bagpipe offering a weak bleat. Within moments, 
Morrigan was playing "Scotland The Brave" while her mouth seemed to 
slide up and down the rod. NEG, always the quick study, was soon 
following along.

*GULP*

"...I... I swallowed mine," Jae said with a nervous laugh.

Morrigan dropped her bagpipe and put her hands on her hips. "You 
what?" she demanded more than asked.

"I swallowed my bagpipe," Jae admitted.

Morrigan shook her head. "NEG, drop your bagpipe," she commanded. 
NEG complied.

Jae turned to leave. "I'll just go get another-"

He stopped when he felt Morrigan's hand on her shoulder. "You stay," 
she commanded. She pointed to NEG. "And I will teach you to play 
Jae's bagpipe."

NEG looked at Morrigan in confusion. "How am I going to do that? 
Jae swallowed his..."

NEG stopped, her smile widening. Jae blurted out a D#-note as the 
two ladies sauntered towards him. When Morrigan grabbed him and 
kissed him deeply, the note rose an octave.

[---]

"Hello everybody," a man said while trying his damnedest to sit 
erect. "Welcome to anger management. I'm Dr. Boskanovitch. I think we 
should start things out by going around the room and introducing 
yourselves."

"I'm Jeffry McWild," he looked into the sky and furiously yelled, 
"AND I'M THE WINNER!!"

"The name's Craig Marduk! And if you don't like it, I'll shove my 
foot down your goddamn throat!"

"My name is Remy. It's 6 pm. Do you know where your children are?"

"HULK SMASH!!"

"I am Akuma, the Supreme Master of the Fist. To challenge me is to 
embrace misery and live the rest of your short, pitiful life in 
indescribable torment."

Dr. B scribbled down in his notebook. "Okay then. Mr. Akuma, what can 
you tell us about your mother?"

"..........."

"Okay. We'll get back to you. What about you Mr. Marduk?"

[---]

"Oh, Trowa!"

"Oh, Qua- Hey, what are you guys doing here?!"

"Put on the sunglasses, Ralf!"

"No! Galactica Phantom!"

"Shit."

[---]

"You just HAD to insult Doom's choice of weaponry, didn't you?" one
of Dr. Doom's purple-suited henchmen said to his colleague, a
red-suited henchman.

The red-suited henchman crossed his arms. "I stand by what I said.
I think he's a fool for using a shoe when he has a wide array of
lasers!" the red-suited henchman protested.

The purple-suited henchman sighed, "Everything's lasers with you."
The red-suited henchman pulled a pen from his pocket as the purple-
suited henchman continued, "What about toxic gasses, giant mecha
and the attack weeEEEEYEEEOOWTCH!"

The red-suited henchman laughed as he pocketed his laser pen, which
he used to blast the purple-suited henchman's right eye.

"That HURT!" the purple-suited henchman whined.

The red-suited henchman laughed. "See? Lasers. That's all Doom
needs," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Doom disagrees with your simple-minded assessment, peon!"

The red-suited henchman and the purple-suited henchman looked at each
other. "Did you say that?" the red-suited henchman asked.

The purple-suited henchman shook his head. "Nope. You?"

The red-suited henchman shook his head. "Then who-"

The red-suited henchman's question, as well as his life and the life
of the purple-suited henchman, was interrupted when a giant green
shoe landed on them, squishing them flat and leaving a sizeable
crater on the castle floor.

"Oh, yeeah!" Dr. Doom shouted from within the shoe. "It's the
motherfucking shoe, biznotch!" He maneuvered the shoe so that he
ground the dead henchmen into the ground. "Thus have you learned the
folly of doubting the wisdom of Doom, foo'!"

Skullomania grumbled, "One dirty sock, and it's all over for you and
your stupid shoe."

Dr. Doom bounced towards Skullomania. "Dr. Doom thinks that you want
some of this, punk."

Skullomania quivered as Dr. Doom stomped closer. "You know, your 
shoelaces are untied."

"They are?" Doom stepped out of Kuriboh's Shoe and checked. "Wait, my 
invention doesn't even have laces!"

Skullo taunted. "Monkeys always look! Monkeys always look!"

"Doom hates you."

[---]

Kim Dong Hwan bounced merrily down Route 66.

On his butt.

As he boucned, he came across a large, blue bus. On each side of the 
bus, there was a sign reading, "'Dead Or Alive 2' Bikini Jello 
Wrestling Team."

"Ooh! I like jello!" Dong exclaimed. "I like it GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD."

Kasumi, Lei Fang, Tina, Christie, Hitomi and Helena, all clad in 
bikinis that were about as thin as the chances of Joe Higashi keeping 
his shorts up for longer than an hour, stepped out of the bus and 
looked around.

"Oh, maaaaaan..." Kasumi whined. "We're in trouble."

Dong perked his ear up.

Lei Fang crossed her arms and grumbled, "You're probably going to 
blame THIS on me, too. Aren't you?"

"Of COURSE we're going to blame you for this!" Helena shouted. "If 
I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times! You have to give 
the poor oiling boy a chance to rest every once in a while!"

Lei Fang responded, "But I can't help it! I love oil! I love it 
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD."

Tina nodded. "Yes, verily do we loveth the oil most oily," she 
spoke. "However, we doth face the perilous problem of lacking a boy 
or man, the likes of whom is willing and capapble of applying upon 
our bodies most fair the lubricating oils."

The other ladies blinked.

"Uh... what she said," Kasumi said, breaking the silence. "But where 
are we going to find a man out here who wants to travel with us for 
weeks, rubbing us down with oil several times a day?"

Dong Hwan stood up, a wide grin on his face. "I KNOW NOW WHAT I MUST 
DO!" he shouted. He ran towards the bus.

The ladies saw the young man running towards them. Smiling and 
blushing, they opened their arms towards him in anticipation of his 
arrival.

Their arms remained open when Dong ran past them.

Several hours and several miles later, Dong Hwan sat at a diner, 
eating a cherry jello mold. "I love Jello SO VERY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" 
he announced between bites.

[---]

Marduk, McWild, Remy and the Hulk all openly wept. Dr. B nodded and 
scribbled down some notes in his notebook. "Well this has been a very 
successful session. It seems everyone here has had a great 
breakthrough." The doc noticed Akuma still with his arms crossed. 
"Everyone except you, Mr. Akuma."

"Shoushi!"

"Yes, I see. The rest of you may leave. I want to speak to Mr. Akuma 
alone."

With a big smile on his face, McWild said, "Hey fellas, let's go 
fishing! I know a great place..." his voice trailed off as they 
walked down the hallway.

"Hm. Akuma, we're starting a revolutionary new type of therapy. We 
were wondering if you'd be willing to let us try it on you."

"............."

"I'll take that as a yes." Dr. B turned his head and screamed, 
"MUSCLE! WE NEED YOU!" He then fell off his chair. Muscle Power 
rushed into the room, and placed Dr. B back into his chair. He then 
put his hands on Akuma's shoulders and stared at him with an intense 
smile on his face.

"Akuma, this is Muscle Power. He's here to help you."

"HEY there, Akuma! I'm gonna make YOU take that FROWN and turn it 
UPSIDE-DOWN! Ready?!"

Akuma growled.

"THAT'S the spirit! Now it's TIME for some..." he grabbed Akuma and 
squeezed his neck and head with his arm. "HEADLOCK THERAPY!"

"Get off m- ACK!" Akuma could hardly talk. He found himself unable to 
teleport or power out of the hold.

"YEAH BABY! Feel that ANGER just MELT away!"

Akuma just weakly pounded his fists into Muscle Power's midsection to 
no avail.

[---]

Albatross loved being an international spy and agent. It wasn't 
because of his special gun which seemed to almost never run out of 
ammunition. It wasn't the thrill of going to exotic locations, 
meeting the nation's locals and wasting several hundred thugs that 
looked like technicolor KKK members. And it wasn't even the sexy 
women that were all too grateful to have been rescued by him.

Albatross loved the doors.

No matter where he went, whether he was fighting in an underground 
sea base, an active volcano, or even the middle of the desert, there 
were always doors. And behind each door, Albatross could practically 
always count on some pleasant surprise, ranging from innocuous ("Hey! 
A Slurpee!") to vital ("Hey! A BFG 9000!"). And he didn't even have 
to be on a mission for this to happen. On his most recent vacation, 
he went to the mens' restroom in a convention center and found $1500 
in the paper towel dispenser.

Unfortunately, this caused a most compulsive habit. Every time 
Albatross saw a door, he'd open it, walk in, take whatever wasn't 
nailed down, try and shoot what WAS nailed down and walk out.

Such was the case as he walked down a hallway lined with doors, a 
wide smile on his face. He turned to his left and read the sign 
above the door. "Ooh! Bullets!" he cried happily. He walked into 
the room. A synthetic sound, quickly rising in pitch, played until 
Albatross walked out of the room. He walked to the nearest door. 
"Ooh! Arms!" he announced, opening it and walking through it. Five 
seconds later, he exited the room, holding the door open for Ashley 
Winchester and his friends to slip out.

Albatross walked towards the nearest door. "Hmmm... Bagpipe 
Lessons?" he muttered. It seemed odd to him, but "Scotland The 
Brave" was coming from the other side of the door. However, he 
didn't remember the song having so much grunting and panting. And he 
could have sworn that "Oh, God, YESSSSSSSS!" was not part of the 
chorus.

He shrugged and walked in.

He walked out three seconds later, a bagpipe stuck to his head.

[---]

"Dig Dug," Karnov said. "I have learned something... disturbing 
about you."

Dig Dug raised her eyebrows. "Disturbing?"

Karnov nodded. "It could jeopardize all of OOSHA if anyone else 
found out about it," he grimly stated.

Dig Dug paled. For her, that meant that her skin tone was now a 
normal, beige-ish color. "You... don't mean?" she gasped.

Karnov walked to the VCR and inserted a tape. He pressed "Play" on 
the VCR and walked back to his seat.

Dig Dug gasped when the TV displayed the show's title: "Deep Dug."

"Karnov... I... I... I was a young girl, and I needed the money," she 
stammered.

Karnov's angry gaze was fixed on the TV. He used a nearby remote 
control to fast-forward to a scene of a very-scantily clad Dig Dug 
posing provocatively on a heart-shaped bed.

On the television, a door burst into flames, and a six-foot tall 
green dragon walked into the room on his hind legs.

"FYGAR!" a choral chant came from the TV.

"YOU DAMN RIGHT!" the dragon shouted.

"Who's the fire-breathing dude That puts the ladies in the mood? 
FYGAR!"

"YOU DAMN RIGHT!"

Dig Dug inflated the television until it exploded.

Karnov turned to Dig Dug. "You forget the principles of Danism. We 
are expected to belittle and degrade our opponents, but we do not 
belittle and degrade ourselves."

Dig Dug looked at her feet and shuffled nervously. "...I'm sorry," 
she mumbled.

"If our enemies get a hold of that... just to think that you... and 
that Fygar..."

A nearby wall burst into flames. Fygar, dressed in a long 
trenchcoat, sauntered into the room, walking through the hole his 
fiery breath had created. "YOU DAMN RIGHT!" he announced.

Dig Dug paled again, her skin looking oddly normal. Karnov pointed
at Fygar. "Begone, you defiler of other deism's disciples!" he
commanded.

Fygar laughed and spewed fire at Karnov. Karnov, not expecting the
attack, stumbled back on his right leg, fell down on his back and
seemed to vanish with a popping sound.

Fygar turned to Dig Dug while large orange balloons with goggles and
thin legs bounced behind him. "You. Bitch. I have a proposition
for you and your holy shithead you worship," he growled.

Dig Dug stammered, "But Fygar..."

"YOU DAMN RIGHT!"

Dig Dig took a deep breath. "But Fygar..."

"YOU DAMN RIGHT!"

Dig Dug took another deep breath.

"Hanzou," Fygar barked.

Dig Dug's body shook with pleasure. Fygar chuckled, flame flickering
out of his snout. "Now," he said, approaching the flustered Dig Dug.
"About my proposition..."

[---]

Battler Man and Battler Girl were sneaking around the abandoned 
half-torn down building that used to be Dawson McShane's Cigar Hut. 
Their search for the Bao Wonder ended when they entered a brightly 
lit room with a young Indian woman, dressed in a tight cowgirl outfit 
and a really short skirt. She saw the visitors and her face lit up. 
She stopped watering the flowers and turned to a figure in a chair, 
smoking a pipe.

"Puddin'! Company!"

The chair spun around and the figure was fully into the light. It was 
the Smoker. His skin as white as paper, his hair as green as fresh 
grass, his cowboy garb as purple as uh... I'll get back to you on 
that. Besides his wooden pipe, he also had three cigarettes between 
his lips. He gave a yellow smile and jumped over to Battler Man.

"Battler Man! Long time no see! Who's the babe?"

"That's Battler Girl."

The Smoker tapped the ash off one of his drags and rapidly moved his 
eyebrows up and down. "Not a bad outfit."

"Yeah, man. It's actually one of my old socks that I- wait a minute, 
don't change the subject." Battler Man grabbed the Smoker by the 
collar. "Where's Bao Wonder."

The albino cowboy spat a cloud of smoke into Battler Man's face, 
setting him free. "Bao Wonder? Hey Mariah-Net, do we know a Bao 
Wonder?"

The cowgirl smiled. "Maybe he means Li'l Smokey!"

The Smoker perked up. "Of course! Little Smokey!" He and his sidekick 
looked over to a curtain.

"What are you talking about?" Battler Girl asked while moving towards 
the curtain. Battler Man followed her.

"No peeking!" Mariah-Net yelled as she lassoed the two together.

The Smoker paced by the Dork Knight. "Ah, Battler Man. It's been a 
fun year or two of being at each other's throats, hasn't it?" The 
Smoker coughed for a little. "Ahem. But let's face it. We're getting 
nowhere and it's only a matter of time before I succumb to lung 
cancer or something of the sort."

Mariah-Net piped in. "So we decided to adopt an heir!"

"Right as always, babe!" The Smoker was prepared to open the curtain. 
"So since you always had that kid hanging around, we figured you 
wouldn't mind if we yoinked him away!" And with those words, the 
Smoker pulled open the curtain.

"Gasp!" Battler Girl gasped.

Battler Man stared in disbelief. "My God. You have a cookie jar on 
the other side of the room! ...Oh, and you brainwashed my sidekick 
into a young version of you."

Correct Battler Man was on both accounts. Besides the jar of Chips 
Ahoy (which has nothing to do with the story), behind the curtain was 
Bao, made up to look like the Smoker himself. His skin just as white, 
his hair just as green and long, and his cowboy gear just as bright 
purple. His face featured an absent glare and three packs worth of 
lit cigarettes in his mouth.

The Smoker beamed. "Battler Folk, meet Little Smokey!"

Battler Man tried to reach his Battler Scissors. "Man, what did you 
do to him?"

"Oh, you know, had Mariah-Net zap him, pistol-whipped him, forced him 
to watch Baby Blues. Stuff like that! And you'd be so proud of him, 
Battler Man! He was so strong and brave! But only too quickly the 
torture wore him down and I gained control. Now your precious little 
Bao Wonder is mine! HAHAHAHAHA-*cough*cough*cough*!"

"But you kidnapped him like two and a half hours ago," Battler Man 
stated.

Mariah-Net shrugged. "What can we say? We work quick!"

Battler Man nodded. "I understand that, but what about his hair?"

The Smoker smiled. "Well... uh..."

"It's like shoulder-length now."

"Yeah, well you see..."

"It was nowhere near as long two hours ago. How do you explain that, 
genius?"

"Well..."

"And that's genius with a 'J'."

"Listen, can we just move on with it!"

While Battler Man couldn't get a hold of his utility belt, Battler 
Girl could. She grabbed the Battler Scissors and cut the ropes. The 
two stood up and power-posed. Battler Man shoved the surprised Smoker 
into the wall and put his fist out.

"I'll break you in half."

"Oh, Battler Man! If you were capable of that type of fun you 
would've killed me years- Ow! Stop hitting me! What are you doing!?"

"Breaking you in half?"

"But I thought you were a good guy and can't do stuff like that!" 
beads of sweat immediately rained from under the Smoker's hat.

"Hey, you're not my boss. Now take your beating like a man."

"Mariah-Net! Help me!"

"Comin' Mista S!" The cowgirl ran right into a roundhouse kick from 
Battler Girl.

The Smoker just rolled his eyes. "Just great."

But suddenly, Clark barged in with Ralf over his shoulder and 
trampled over Battler Man and his would-be victim. He used the little 
energy he had to plant Ralf into the floor like a lawn dart. Then he 
laid down to rest for a second.

The Smoker kicked Battler Man while he was down and whacked him with 
a brick (he always had one around for some reason). He kneeled down 
and whispered into his ear.

"You lose, Battler Man. Bao Wonder is mine now. The last thing you'll 
smell is our tobacco." He looked at Little Smokey. "Hey, son. Watch 
daddy show you how it's done."

Little Smokey continued to stare as the Smoker aimed his invisible 
gun at Battler Man's head. Both albinos chuckled uncontrollably.

Meanwhile, Clark had finally forced his sunglasses onto Ralf's face. 
He sat him up and pointed. "See?"

"Huh?" Ralf snapped into realization. "Oh, shit! That guy has a gun!"

Then an odd sequence of events followed. Ralf stood up and rushed at 
the Smoker. Just as quickly as he stood up, he tripped over a plank 
and fell. On the way down he head butted the back of Little Smokey's 
skull. The force caused Little Smokey to spit out all of his 
cigarettes, right at the Smoker himself. The Smoker was ailed with 
cigarette burns from head to toe. While spazzing out from the pain, 
he accidentally pulled the trigger to the Emperor while it was aimed 
at himself. And once more, Hol Horse shot himself in the face.

Battler Man looked up and saw Little Smokey standing there with the 
same vacant stare. Bao started twitching and then began a fit of 
laughter that became a fit of coughing until seamlessly becoming a 
fit of intense sobbing. Battler Girl ran to him and hugged him, 
claiming everything would be all right.

"What happened to Mariah-Net?" Battler Man asked, standing up.

Battler Girl pointed behind her. Mariah-Net was hogtied and sprinkled 
with pink petals.

Battler Man pointed at them. "What the hell are these?"

"These what?"

"These pink chip things?"

"Those are cherry blossoms. I use them when I fight."

"Uh huh. We'll talk about that later." Battler Man looked at the 
Ikari Warriors. "Hey, Duke and Snowjob. You guys cool with hauling 
these guys to prison?"

Clark shrugged. "Sure. But isn't that guy dead? He shot himself in 
the fucking face, for crying out loud."

"That's what I thought... the first five times he did that."

Battler Man and Battler Girl walked out of the building with Battler 
Man towing Bao by the ankle, with his face dragging on the ground. 
"We have to get home," the caped football player said. "Terry Bogard 
Fighting Around the World is almost on."

"That guy has some serious anger problems," added Battler Girl.

"Okay, so let's talk about these cherry blossom things. You can do 
better than that. Now see, I used to hang out with a guy who fought 
with basketballs. He knew what he was doing. What I think is..."

[---]

"Mad ape! Mad ape!"

Dong Hwan looked up. A crowd of people ran past him, running from
barrels and sentient fireballs. Atop a rickety structure of girders
and ladders, Donkey Kong held a blonde woman in a red dress in his
left hand and threw barrels with his right hand. The barrels rolled
down the structure, flattening would-be rescuers. Worse, some barrels
ran into burning oil drums, giving birth to sentient fireballs that
slowly stalked the walkways of the structure.

Dong Hwan gritted his teeth and balled his fists. He shouted towards
the heavens, "I KNOW NOW WHAT I MUST DO!"

With blinding speed, he darted up the structure. He obliterated
barrels and dissipated fireballs with his lightning-charged kicks.
He literally leapt from level to level of the structure, growing ever
closer to Donkey Kong and his captive.

Within minutes, Dong Hwan had reached the frenzied ape. He dashed
past Donkey Kong and destroyed his stock of barrels with a flurry of
kicks. He leapt past the ape again, liberating the female hostage.
He then leapt onto the platform where the hostage was held, and he
stared Donkey Kong right in the eye.

Man stared at ape. Ape stared at man. Both grimaced. Both snarled.

Man picked a bug out of ape's fur. Man bit said bug with a loud
crunch. Ape picked a bug out of man's gi. Ape bit said bug with a
loud crunch.

Man and ape smiled at each other.

Man and ape groomed each other for hours.

The female hostage asked, "But... but who's going to rescue me?"

Man and ape picked bugs out of woman's hair. Man and ape bit said
bugs with a loud crunch.

The female hostage shouted, "AUGH! I HAVE LICE!" and darted down the
rickety structure in seconds, making a beeline for the nearest Voldo
Sasoon salon. On the way, she stopped and saw a familiar figure in 
the corner of her eye. A man dressed in red and blue, with a red cap.

"Say, aren't you Terry Bogard!" she yelled enthusiastically.

Terry, surrounded by a camera crew, looked at her and growled. In a 
mocking tone he quoted, "Oh, look! It's Terry Bogard! I've never seen 
a real King of Fighters champion before! Whooptie-fucking-do!"

"Huh?"

"Now it's time to fight! C'mon, fight me!" Terry bounced over to her 
with his dukes up. "Let's see what you got!"

[---]

Say, do you remember Violence Unlimited? I know I do! And there they 
were, wandering through Dr. Doom's penetrable fortress. They couldn't 
help but notice the complete lack of security in there. Then, amidst 
the darkness, a sole spotlight appeared on four weenies in colorful 
suits and fedoras. And the four sang to the confused task force.

o/~ "He sits inside his castle scheming plans of devastation!
He puts fear into the hearts of all the heroes in the room!
He's the metal leader of the Latveria nation!
Where in the world is Victor Von Doom?" o/~

Another spotlight appeared, focusing on the bathroom door with a 
symbol of a male stick figure in a green tunic. The door burst open 
with Kuriboh's Shoe leaping from the wreckage. Doom himself 
controlled the powerful weapon, while totally unaware of the giant 
piece of toilet paper stuck to the heel. Dr. Doom crossed his arms 
with only his head sticking out of the shoe.

Fuuma smiled. "Aw man, look at him peaking his head out. That is so 
cute!"

"Silence! Doom is not quite sure why you lay your challenge. But if 
you hope to prevent Doom from stomping a mud hole through the Earth, 
you have one chance to back away."

CJ and the silent wheelman took out their baseball bats and took a 
couple practice swings. 

"Hmph. So be it."

The four men in fedoras sang, o/~ "So be it!" o/~

Sharon raised her hand. "Excuse me, but what's their deal?"

"Ah, yes. Them. They are my new henchmen: Rockapella!"

Everyone blinked.

"Listen, flunkies are at high demand these days. They're the best I 
could get."

Poison wondered, "Well do they at least do anything other than sing?"

"Nope. They only sing."

o/~ "Kuriboh's Shoe!" o/~

Doom buried his face into his hands. "I should have been an 
accountant. Anyway, I believe we must commence with the battle."

CJ tapped his muscular henchman on the shoulder and pointed at the 
villain. "Hugo, take him out."

"HRRRPGGGGLLLLRR!"

"Ah, yes. Hugo Andore. The biggest threat. I did my homework on you 
and your androgynous friend. Behold!" Doom pressed a remote control.

Nothing happened.

"Behold!"

Nothing happened.

"Fuck."

Hugo rushed at Doom with Poison perched on his shoulders. A red blur 
knocked Poison to the ground and two men ran by and pounded on Hugo. 

Doom looked at his remote. "Ah. There's the problem. I had it set to 
VCR."

Hugo and Poison got back up and saw replicas of Mike Haggar, Guy and 
Cody, all looking like the originals besides their red eyes. Robo 
Cody bent a pipe over Hugo's head, allowing Robo Haggar to piledrive 
him. Meanwhile, Robo Guy kneed Poison in the abdomen and tossed hir 
over his shoulder.

CJ shook his head. "Well, that sucks. Sharon, it's your turn."

"No problem, boss. I have a full level and I'm ready to use it."

"Then do it!"

Sharon loaded AK-Chan. Then she looked to CJ.

"...That's it?!"

"Yeah. I can only shoot if after building up another level."

The wheelman constrained CJ from braining Sharon. "Goddammit, you're 
useless!" He composed himself. "Okay, Fuuma try to... where the fuck 
did Fuuma go?! Okay, fuck this! Let's just rush him!"

Just then, JP Polnareff walked in. "Excuse me, but has anyone seen an 
ugly dude with two right hands? I- HOLY SHIT!"

Those were the last words for Polnareff before Kuriboh's Shoe pounced 
into the air and landed on the Stand-wielder.

CJ looked around. "New plan. Run for your lives!"

o/~ "Run for your lives!" o/~

Dr. Doom and Kuriboh's Shoe bounced around the room, trying to squash 
its foes. The man with no name inspected the crushed Polnareff and 
pocketed a couple packs of gum. He scratched his chin and thought to 
himself.

Meanwhile, the robotic Final Fight heroes were still taking it to 
Hugo and Poison. But before Guy could slice them up with his sword, a 
phone booth magically appeared across the room. The door opened and 
the real Guy and Cody stepped out.

"I am Guy!"

"And I am Cody!"

"And we are... FYNAL FYTERS!"

Guy stopped playing air guitar. "And you asswipes totally killed us!"

Robo Cody smiled. "Yeah! And we're totally going to do it again!"

Cody grinned. "That's what you think, dudes! Check out what Dr. Light 
made for us!"

Out of the phone booth, two crude robots, both looking somewhat like 
Cody and Guy stormed over to Doom's creations.

Robo Guy nodded his head. "Whoa! The human usses have created good 
robot versions of themselves to destroy us!"

"Yes! Kudos on a brilliant plan, dudes!"

Instead of blocking or attacking, the evil robots just saluted their 
flesh counterparts. "Catch you later, Guy and Cody!" they both yelled.

"Catch you later, Guy and Cody!" the originals yelled back.

The good Robo Guy and Robo Cody jump kicked the heads off of Doom's 
creations and destroyed them once and for all. Just then, Robo Haggar 
took the good robots apart with a steel pipe. He dropped the pipe and 
smiled.

"Heh. Not in my city, punks."

"HRGRR..."

Robo Haggar gulped. He turned around and was face-to-face with a 
pissed off Hugo. A trickle of oil spilled from his pant leg right 
before Hugo wrapped his humongous hands around him for the Gigas 
Breaker. 

"EIN!" *crack* "ZWIE!" *crack* "DRIE! END!!"

*CRUNCH!*

And Robo Mike Haggar was no more.

Cody and Guy went back into the phone booth. "Catch you later, Hugo!" 
They played some air guitar.

"CRRCHLTTTRRGYYYCDHHH!" Hugo did the same and stuck his tongue out.

Poison sighed. "That made absolutely no sense at all."

The phone booth disappeared, leaving Hugo and Poison to deal with the 
giant shoe of Doom. Said shoe was chasing Cracker Jack, trying to 
crush him into oblivion. CJ seemed to be outrunning it, but then he 
tripped on a wire and took a dive.

"Goodbye, Cracker Jack." Doom gloated before making Kuriboh's Shoe 
jump once more. But instead, the shoe made a short hop and fell back 
to its original position. "What?!" Doom tried again. Same result. He 
jumped out of the shoe and tipped it.

"GUM!? WHO GUMMED DOOM'S SHOE!?"

Sharon and the nameless guy high-fived while chewing.

"Very well, then. Doom needs no devices to deal with such pests!"

Just then, a black and white fist smashed Doom in the back of the 
head.

"One for CJ!" Skullomania piped while giving the thumbs up.

"Skullomania!?" the villain angrily questioned.

"Yeah, that's right. The freak with the red headdress set me free. 
Your reign of terror ends here, metal head!"

Fuuma posed behind Skullo. "Get off my plane!"

Doom wasn't amused. He raised his hands and fired lasers at anything 
that moved. But every blast he sent at Hugo did nothing. For every 
beam, Hugo would stick his chest out and take the blast head on. 
After, he continued to advance. Doom played keep-away and continued 
his futile assault. This left him wide open for Skullomania to Skullo 
Dive the dictator into the back. Doom dropped to the ground and fell 
prey to a bat-filled beating, courtesy of CJ and that one guy from 
Liberty City.

Doom's hide began to smoke and squiggly lines surrounded Skullo's 
head. "Skullo Sense tingling!" He shoved the others out of the way, 
just in time to save them from Doom exploding.

"What the fuck was that?!" Poison demanded.

o/~ "He's a Doombot!" o/~

CJ looked to Sharon. "You build up another level yet?"

Sharon concurred and shot one of the members of Rockapella in the 
head at pointblank range. The other members silently backed away.

CJ smirked. "That's better. So I guess that means we won. Let's go 
back home and collect." He led the team towards the exit, but stopped 
when he saw Skullomania staring into the distance. "Skullo, old 
buddy. If you want, you can always join us."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I can't charge money for thwarting evil."

"I don't exactly have to pay you, you know."

"It's okay. I just want to fight crime on my own. Just like my uncle 
told me..."

CJ interrupted. "'With great power comes great responsibility?'"

"No. 'Whoever smelt it dealt it.'"

"...That has nothing to do with anything."

"Yeah, I know. But it's better than what my other uncle told me."

"Oh?"

"'Come join me in the cellar and I'll show you-'"

"Okay, okay! Christ!" CJ shivered and walked out of the fortress.

[---]

Dr. B smiled. "Well, Akuma. It seems as if Headlock Therapy is a 
success! Don't you agree?"

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Akuma stood there looking incredibly hyper 
and cheery.

"Well I guess I'll see you later. Goodbye, Akuma."

The doctor and patient hugged each other. But inadvertently...

WHAPPITY-WHAPPITY-WHAPPITY-WHAP-WHAP-WHAP! *TING!*

*TEN!*

"????????????????" The happy Akuma looked down at Dr. B, confused. He 
then just shrugged it off and left. 

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The red smiley face tattoo on his back shined brightly as he strolled 
down the hallway.

[---]

W4's Author Notes:
Poor Gavok. Not only did I get writer's block, but my computer went
barfo on me for 2-3 days. Sorry, Gavok, if I didn't pull my weight on
this chapter. And thanks for helping me out with this.

[---]

Well, I said I wouldn't bring Hol Horse in. I said I'd try to stop 
inserting so many characters.

Daddy says a lot of things.

I wanted to toss in some more scenes, mostly Skullo related, such as 
him getting bitten by a radioactive Spinal. Or Jae attacking him for 
being a talking skeleton. But I ran out of time. Ah, well.

Thanks go out to the eDANgelist, the leading expert in Battler-speak. 
And a big thanks to W4 for teaming up with me on this chapter. Even 
with his computer fucking up, he still puts my stuff to shame :)

Next up is Grahf316. If he's so great, why haven't I heard of any of 
the other 315 Grahfs?

Gavin "Gavok" Jasper
Half Horse Productions
http://www.rit.edu/~gjj2192/hol

[---]

Magneto wandered around the empty fortress.

"Hello? ...Hello? Vic, you there?"

o/~ "Doom's not here!" o/~

"What the? Weren't you guys on that Carmen Sandiego show? Where the 
fuck is Victor Von Doom?"

[---]

At a diner in New Jersey, the real Dr. Doom smiled under his mask. 
"Doom loves Jello SO VERY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"