The inside of the mecha was dark. This was the kind of darkness that you could cut with a knife, and possibly serve alongside a salad, or perhaps a bit of baked salmon. Or, you could slice it up thin, and form it into a kind of cracker. Either way, it was dark. A man sat in silence inside the cockpit. His features were obscured by the aforementioned darkness. Since there was no concept of time inside the cockpit, the man did not know how long he had been sitting. The man didn't move, save for the occasional blink, or eye twitch. His discipline was complete and total. Of course, this discipline was sheer hell when the itch on his nose kicked up again. Simply put, the man was preparing himself for his Mission. His god had a certain plan in mind for him, and the man was hell-bent on success. Success was Important. It was what he was born to do. The Mission was All. The world would need to be prepared for the Coming. Pieces put into play, enemies destroyed, and governments rearranged. For the first time in a long time, a small panel lit up to the man's right. The miniature television screen flickered for a moment, bathing him in the grey glow of static, and the solidified to a familiar shape. "Greetings, Honorable Blasting Pink Wind of Saikyo-ryu," he said. "What do you wish for your loyal servant to do?" He moved his head slightly to focus on the screen. "Enough with all of that 'Honorable' business, hon," said Dig-Dug. "Are you ready?" "The Mission is ALL!" shouted the man. Dig-Dug could *hear* the capitals in the man's voice. It figures that one of the Harbingers would be a total nutcase. Great. "Good," she said. "Your time has come. I'm activating the Blodia Mk. 2: Saikyo-Cougar now. Do the Lord proud, Jin." The monitor displaying Dig-Dug flicked off even as the rest of the cockpit lit up. Holographic keyboards and joysticks sprang into pseudo- existence, computer screens scrolled start-up information, and a seat belt locked the man into his chair. The screens bathed his face in a beautiful (ghastly) pink light. A female computer voice asked him for a vocal passcode. He grinned widely and said "Oosha." A loud grinding noise accompanied the computer's 'ding' of acceptance. The mecha slowly stood, as the man could see by way of his external monitors. He flexed the mecha's fingers, testing out joints that had grown lazy with disuse. The mecha flexed, and then powerposed, and a crash of water crashed behind it for no apparent reason. The Time had come. With the respect due to this occasion, Jin slapped the button labeled "Launch This Beast!" and screamed: "Blodiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" [---] Just outside and above Jin's hangar, yet another display of impressive mecha pyrotechnics was going on. Five gigantic multi-colored lions were battling a quite stupid looking robotic badger. "Team!" shouted the man in the Black Lion. "It's time to form up!" The other lions quickly transformed in a highly improbable manner into a semblance of a human being, sans head. "And," shouted the man, "I'll form... the head!" True to his word, the Black lion twisted, and warped, and became the head of the new super-mecha. "Form... Blazing Sword!" shouted the man. A huge sword appeared in the red right arm of the robot, and was used to dispatch the badgerbot. After the badgerbot finished exploding, the pilots of the mecha began cheering. Just as they were preparing their post-battle Powerpose of Victory, Blodia exploded from the ground beneath it, melting the super- mecha into so much multi-colored slag. Apparently, the paint used on the mecha was genuinely fireproof. Jin paused a moment, and triggered a power surge through his mecha, sending a huge burst of pink flame in every direction for miles. "Blodiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" [---] Orbit. Asteroid M to be exact. Magneto's Acolytes were searching for new recruits for the coming war. The Lord Magneto would soon descend to the Earth and rule it with an iron fist. For now, the Acolytes accepted the fact that all that Magneto wanted to do at the moment was sit in his room and watch television. There was a Ren and Stimpy marathon running, and Lord Magneto had left strict orders against interruptions. That explains why the Acolytes simply stared in awe when they detected Jin's impressive burst of power over the Colorado Rockies. After regaining the use of their minds, the Acolytes quickly began scanning for the source of the power. They focused their visual monitors on the epicenter and saw a large white robot wearing a gaudy pink gi. All the Acolytes sweat-dropped mightily. "No," said the lead Acolyte. "But," responded another, "Look at its power! It's amazing, it could ensure Lord Magneto victory in the coming war!" "No." "Look, we have to recruit, it's part of our--" "No." "But--" "No." "I'm saying, this is--" "No." "But, it's so strong!" "No! We keep searching." The lead Acolyte reached over and flipped off the monitor. "We don't want anything like that. It's not worthy." "Yessir." "Damn straight." The door to Magneto's room opened suddenly, and Magneto strode out, clad in boxers and a tank top. The Acolytes snapped to attention immediately. "What is thy bidding, my liege?" asked the lead Acolyte. "..." said Magneto. "Why are you talking like that?" "I'm just showing you proper respect, sir." "Whatever. Go find me my Guru Guru episodes. Now. And find me some ice cream. I'm all out." "Your will is my command, liege." [---] Forgot About Jae CHAPTER FOUR: Super Bestial Machine God: Saikyo-Cougar! Story begun by Shelby Scott, a.k.a., Darkheart One This chapter pulled kicking and screaming from your momma's bedroom by David Brothers, a.k.a., Black Dub [---] Last episode, on "Forgot About Jae..." All right, you know what? I'm through summarizing for you lazy bastards. Go read it. It's 60k worth of MultiMediocre-flavored goodness. It's really amazing, it's freaking impressive, and it's adjectively adjective. Go. Now. Read. Then, after you have read that chapter, come back and read this chapter. You just might like it. [---] It has been said before that it is necessary to bring in the big guns to handle big problems. Allusions were made to Regina of dinosaur hunting fame. Sure, she was skilled, but what practical experience did she have? How many people have a T-Rex infestation that they have to get rid of? So, while she was skilled, perhaps a better person could be found. Jill Valentine from S.T.A.R.S. for example. She had fought zombies, zombie dogs, genetically engineered warbeasts, and genuine human beings. Was Jill good? Not really. Too many of her missions ended up being completed by way of aerial bombardment or a thermonuclear explosion courtesy of the local government. In the not so exclusive world of trouble-shooting, some names held more prestige than others did. Some you could call on for whatever job was needed. Cracker Jack, head of Violence Limited, was on the phone with one of these groups right now. When CJ called in the big guns, he wanted the guns that fired thermonuclear warheads. "Tarma?" asked CJ when the person on the other end of the phone answered. "Yeah. Who's this?" answered Tarma. "CJ." "Ceej?! Holy *shit*, man! I haven't heard from you in years! How've you been?" "I'm doing okay. Business is doing good. I've got a big problem, though, I need some help from you guys." "No prob," said Tarma. "It's on the house for ya, anything for an old drinking buddy. What's the big prob- what the *FUCK*?!" CJ quickly pulled the phone away from his ear as a cacophony of screams, shouts, automatic weapons fire and explosions sounded from Tarma's end. "Dammit, Fio!" Tarma shouted. "I thought you said that fuckin' thing was *dead*!" Tarma continued shouting, and the weapons fire grew much louder. "Be with you in a minute Jack," yelled Tarma over the line. "Got a bit of a problem." After a long moment, the noise died down. "You still there Jack?" asked Tarma. "Yeah. What was that about?" answered CJ. "Octopus-thingy. They keep on popping up. Anyway, what was that problem you were talking about?" "OOSHA." There was a long silence on Tarma's end. Finally, he spoke. "That's not funny, Jack. Not funny at *all*." "No joke. They're back. They tried to off one of my people, *and* his girlfriend. They're on the offensive now." "We'll see you in Southtown then. By tomorrow. We're gonna bring an *army* of Metal Slugs. Blow those fuckers right off the map." "Thanks, man," CJ said. "This is a freebie. Don't mention it." "Thanks," CJ said, and hung up. "Sharon! Get in here!" he shouted. "Yeah?" Sharon answered, poking her head into CJ's office. "Get Fuuma in here. I need to give him some work to do." Sharon nodded and shut the office door as she left. "Yeah, boss?" asked a voice from behind CJ's television. "What the hell?!" CJ exclaimed. "You've got less than a second to show yourself, Fuuma. Now." "Yessir," Fuuma said from the TV. The door to CJ's office swung open and Fuuma quickly strode in, only to step on one of Poison's trademark Detest-Iclelazation Bouncing Betty Landmines. "Eep," said Fuuma. "Whatever. Deal with it. Listen, go back to that wrestling place and try to figure out what OOSHA is doing. Headquarters, plans, things like that. We need to take them out, and fast. I've got some muscle coming in tomorrow to help out. Go. Now. You bother me." "Sure, boss," said Fuuma. "By the way, a six letter word for out of luck?" "You're going to be thoroughly *fucked* if you don't leave my office *now*," growled CJ. "Thanks!" Fuuma exclaimed, and threw a package of Magical Ninja Vanishing Powder. Instead of it hitting the floor, as he intended, it landed in CJ's half-full beer mug, turning the brew an unhealthy shade of black. CJ only had time to say "*Son* of a--" before Fuuma ran off. "Poison!" CJ shouted. He could have gotten Sharon to get her, but he really, really needed to shout right now. Poison walked into CJ's office, and sprawled over his couch. "What?" shi asked. "Call that new guy. Tell him to come in." "Who, Jake?" "Jae." "I hate that fucker." "That doesn't matter. Get him in here." "If he smiles I slit his throat." "No, you won't. You'll send him in here like a good little... whatever- you-are, or else you'll be right back on the streets, eating those giant turkey legs that you just find lying around the city." "Damn," shi muttered. [---] Jin was slowly trudging across his way to Southtown. While the Colorado Rockies made for an amazing hiding place, it was not Southtown. Southtown was where the Mission would finally be completed. But, Southtown was a long way away. Jin had attempted to stop for a bite to eat at a local drive-thru, but the fact that the waitresses simply screamed and ran away when he pulled up to the second window was irritating. He was still hungry. But that would have to wait, the Mission must be completed. [---] "Jae," said CJ, "I need to know if you are with me or against me." Jae, his Nameless Everpresent Girlfriend, CJ, and Sharon were all sitting in CJ's office. NEG and Sharon were getting their grope on, while Jae and CJ were both grinning. "I don't -eep- see what the problem is," said Jae. "Just who is OOSHA? And why did that man jiggle his -oh!- behind at me?" CJ giggled. Sharon groaned in disgust. "OOSHA... is evil. Pure and simple." "Okay, I'm in. What do I have to do?" "Wait, what? That's -meep- it? I don't have to convince you?" "No, you said it's evil. Evil will not be tolerated." Jae flashed one of his father's trademark smiles, nearly blinding everyone in the room. "Stop that," CJ said as he adjusted his glasses. Sharon stopped. "Not you Sharon, you keep going. Jae, never, *ever* smile again in my presence. Understand?" "Uh, sure. Okay. -oh!-" "Good. I'll call on you tomorrow, maybe sooner." "I've got a question," Jae said. "Why exactly are you guys... uh... warring?" CJ grunted. "They want to out-perform us. We have to prove that there is no one better than Violence Limited at anything we do. Be it part- time jobs or mass destruction, we are the *best*." "Oh. Whoo!" Jae squeaked as NEG groped a bit harder. A knock on CJ's door caused both Jae and CJ to look up. "That must be Fuuma," said CJ. "Come in, Ninja-boy! Hurry it up! You're late!" Imagine NEG's surprise when Fuuma stepped out from under her chair. "Okay," Fuuma said. "Their headquarters is still in the same location, it's composed of the same people, and oh Sweet Mother Mcree there is a huge mecha robot wearing a pink gi right outside holding a baguette." "Fuuma," said CJ. "What the ever-loving *hell* are you talking about?" Fuuma just whimpered and pointed out of the window. CJ turned around to look. "Holy *fuck*! Everybody outside! NOW!" he shouted. Everyone in Violence Limited dashed outside. And looked up. Way up. "Violence Limited," spoke Jin from the mecha. "You have opposed the will of OOSHA for the last time. I, the Divine Pink Wind of Retribution, am here to stop you. Once. And. For. All." Jin powerposed with each emphasized word, causing the earth to shake and a flag bearing the likeness of Dan to appear just behind the pink-clad mecha. "..." CJ said. "Hugo?" "MRRAHGPHLHF?" responded the hulking fighter. "Kill it." "HLERHFS," Hugo affirmed, and stepped up to Jin. Jin looked Hugo up and down. Hugo looked Jin up and down. Jin shot a rocket at Hugo. Hugo flinched. Jin laughed. Hugo punched Jin in the throat. Jin fall down go boom. Believing their work done, our heroes went inside their building to have a hearty keg party of celebration, as was their tradition after a battle. Poison, the last to enter the building, quickly shut the door before Jae and NEG could step inside. As they turned around to sit on the porch, NEG squeezed Jae and pointed out that the mecha was still wiggling. Jae looked up in time to see Jin rise up from the wreckage of his mecha, wearing only his pink battle suit. "BLODIAAAAAA! NOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted. He beat his fist against the side of his flaming mecha, burning his hand in the process. He looked around the area, and his eyes zeroed in on Jae. "Pagan scum, you will *pay*!" Jin leapt at Jae, only to receive a flaming boot to da head. NEG looked on in wonder. It wasn't every day that a pink man attempted to kill your boyfriend. Unless you count that whole 'Eat the Dots' ghost thing. [---] Kyo Kusanagi was *angry*. His blood was boiling. Literally. "That son of a *bitch*!" he shouted. "More *fire*?! Fire is *mine*, dammit! Where the hell are my lawyers?!" [---] Jin fell down, but was apparently unfazed. "So, you have fire, huh?" Jin grinned evilly. "I've got fire, too!" Jin stood up, and threw his arms out wide. His clothes exploded from his body in a burst of flame, leaving him wearing a pink loincloth and grasping a bright pink towel. As Jae and NEG looked on in stunned horror, Jin began rubbing the towel across his back. His entire body quickly turned red, and a wall of flame formed in front of him. [---] "*Dammit*!" shouted Kyo Kusanagi. "Another one!" [---] Jae and NEG looked on in stunned horror... oh. I did that already. Where were we? Ah, yes. [---] "Quatre..." "... oh, Trowa!" [---] Dammit! That's *not* funny! Not funny at all! Never, *ever* again, do you understand! NEVER! Bastards. [---] Inside Violence Limited's headquarters, Fuuma noticed the on-going battle outside. "Uh, boss?" he said. "Leave me alone. I'm trying to die by way of alcohol poisoning." Fuuma could feel his boss glare at him, even though CJ's hair covered his eyes. "Hookulledmah?" said a highly drunk Poison. Shi looked around, shrugged, and returned to hir three-fourths empty bottle of Absolut. [---] Jin began pulling the towel faster and faster, causing the firewall to increase in size. Jin let loose a blood-curdling scream, and released the firewall, and pushed it in the direction of Jae and NEG. They looked on like deer in the headlights of a Mack Truck as they were burned alive. Or, that would have happened, had a pineapple not beaned Jin in the face and exploded, causing the firewall to dissipate into nothing. Jin finally went down for the count. CJ came rushing out of the building just in time to see this display, and whistled in appreciation. He noticed the thrower of the pineapple, an obese woman who looked vaguely familiar. "Fio?!" he said. "You got *huge*!" Fio glared at him, then popped a diet pill. She shrunk immediately back to her normal size. CJ might have blinked in surprise, but his hair was in the way so it's hard to tell. "Forgot about that," he said. "Anyways, thanks." Fio glared again. "Whatever. Tarma is on the way in the Metal Slug, he's got some new Slugs to show you, too. Camel Slug, Alley Cat Slug, Ultraman Slug, and a couple of others. You wanted firepower, and you got it." "Good," said CJ. "Sharon, Poison, Jae, Jae's Girlfriend, Hugo, Annoying Ninja Man, meet Fio, one fourth of Metal Slug." Jae would have asked "One fourth? Where's the other three?" if NEG hadn't picked that precise moment to goose him. Instead, it came out as more of a squeak than a question. Instead, Poison received the honor of asking the question. "You looked like *all* of Metal Slug about two minutes ago, chubby," Poison added for good measure. "Tarma is on the way, amd Eri is out somewhere in space with Marco killing those octopi. For all intents and purposes, Tarma and I are Metal Slug for the moment." Fio glared hot painful *death* at Poison. "Bitch," Poison muttered under hir breath. "Let's go inside and talk, drink, and be merry. We're gonna take OOSHA down." CJ led the group into the building again, once again shutting the door before Jae and his NEG could step inside. "Jae?" asked NEG. "Yes, dear?" responded Jae. "Why is it that people are intent on getting nearly naked and flashing us? "I don't know, hon." "Okay." Pause. "Will you get nearly naked and flash me?" "What, now?" asked a surprised (not really) Jae. "No, silly, when we get home." Jae didn't say anything; he just picked NEG up in his arms and ran off towards his house. On the way, his smile blinded no less than three freight trucks, causing them to swerve off the road and run over J.P. Polnareff repeatedly. [---] "Please leave a message at the beep. Beep! Ha-ha! I fooled you!" *BEEP* "Karnov," said Dig-Dug, "It's me. I've got the body of Jin. He's alive, but barely. So far, your subordinates have proved... unworthy. He has heart, to be sure, but not enough skill. I would like to use him." She paused to take a puff from her cigar. "I think with my aid, he could truly become a Divine Wind of Retribution. Call me back. Bye." [fin] Notes: *Big* thanks to Gavok for prereading and input. Plus, he's a Twisted Metal fan, so he is automatically a great guy. Writing for two impros at the same time... is an experience. Especially since Jae is in both RECBT and FAJ. I kept the mix-ups to a minimum (read: none) so it turned out all right. Let's keep this going, Gavok is up next. And let me tell you, his part is gonna be *sweet*. davidbrothers.blackdub 03.19.2k2 19:57