The following is one of the fics from the Improvisational Fanfiction panel at Anime Expo 2002, transcribed by me. I've done my best to reproduce the text exactly as it was written. The author of each section is listed at its beginning. The first author contributed their mini-starter to the panel, and the subsequent authors are from the panel's audience. Enjoy, and feel free to continue the fic if you so wish. ^_^ -- Steven Rutter -- ~!@#$%^&*()_+ Castlevania 1970: Disco of Evil, Take II Written by: Steven Rutter +_)(*&^%$#@!~ Night approached its zenith in the murky woods. Stars faintly twinkled through the treetops. A shapely, masculine figure blurred around the tree trunks. An owl hooted, then stopped. Then it hooted again. Then it flew away. The figure still blurred. "I, Alucard, mighty warrior of justice and cursed half-breed son of Dracula whose human and vampire natures eternally war with each other and who struggles to good in the face of overwhelming evil must do battle against Dracula, Lord of Evil and Injustice whose umpteenth return might very well spell doom for life as we know it and whose discoing ways are outdated and in poor fashion, along with his sidekick Shaft, the mean black priest who drives all the undead wild and who's the slick creep that don't let Dracula stay asleep, and who is one bad mother... "Shut yo' mouth! "Just talkin' 'bout Shaft. "I can dig it! "... I've been in this fic for way too long. Anyway, continuing, below him would be Death, who used to be Lord Dracula, my evil father whose return might mark the end of existence as we know it, 's right hand man but was recently demoted due to..." As Alucard continued to talk to himself he soon approached the evil gate who beyond which stood the evil castle once know as Castlevania, but now evilly renamed The Disco of Evil, of which Discovania was a close second. Staring up at the immense gate, whose shear size dwarfed the surrounding trees and would have done the same to any elephants or giraffes had there been any around, but there weren't, there were just trees. Oh, and Alucard. Alucard who stood mighty and proud before the towering gate, whose shear size dwar-- "Enough with the rambling narative!" Alucard exclaimed with a bit too much force in his voice. Turning his attention back to the gate, he shouted, "Gatekeeper! I demand entrance to this sacred castle to which God himself has sent me!" "Are you the Keymaster?" A croaking voice called back. Alucard sighed. "Trevor never had such problems..." he mumbled to himself. He looked back up and answered. "Now that is a silly question, and you are obviously a very silly person. Open this gate imediately before I am forced to come up their and become rather huffy at you." "Are you the Keymaster?" The voice replied. "No! I am not the sodding Keymaster! Open the damn door!" Alucard angrily banged the hilt of his sword on the wood gate. "Sorry, can't let you past. Please, come again." The voice croaked. Alucard sighed again. "Look, would you please open this gate." Putting on his sweetest of faces, he continued. "I'd really like to get inside. It'd do me such a big favor, you know? I have business with your master. So if you could be so kind as to open the gate, I'd really appriciate--" Quote the voice, "Are you the Keymaster?" Alucard exploded. "Damn you! Damn you cursed voice whose speaker I cannot see and who is being stubborn with the stupid questions! Cruel fate, why do you torment me?! Has the world forsaken this cursed half-breed son of Dracula whose human and vampire natures eternally war with each other and who struggles to do good in the face of overwhelming evil! ARRRGGHH!!" His body seethed with rage as he violently destroyed everything around him. His sword flew about him, swiftly chopped neighboring trees in twine and sometimes three or four pieces. Sawdust flew about him, creating a thick cloud. Chunks of wood flew out from the tumult landing decoratively before the castle gate forming an elegantly cut bedroom set, with matching endtables and a pullout sofa bed. "How can one stupid peon stop me from gaining entrance?! It's not fair! It's just not fair!" Slowly running out of steam, he went over to a nearby freshly made cut of timber which was now a chair. He sat down with an air of great disgust, crossing one leg up onto the other, in his typical manly pose. There, he thought. How could he possibly evade this newly risen situation? For several minutes he sat. An owl hooted. A distant clock, somewhere in Switzerland, stuck the hour. Still, he sat. Suddenly, like a bucket of chimpanzees, an idea stuck him. "Eureka!" he cried out in pure joy. "I have it!" Calming walking back up to the gate, he called out what would most certainly be certain death for a certain Gatekeeper who was so certain of his own indominability. "SOUL STEAL!" as he chanted this, he posed dramatically. In the few scarce trees left standing, several squirrels plummetted to the ground in a rather lifeless and quite dead manner. "Ha ha! Now the gate is mine!" Alucard pushed gently on the massive gate. "Are you the Keymaster?" "GAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Running full force, Alucard slammed into the gate, span around three times and fell over on the ground in quite a lot of pain, I assure you. "Are you the Keymaster?" The voice asked yet again. "Umm... yes?" Alucard squeaked out, barely remaining conscious. "Oh, very well then." The voice said, satisfied. A great grinding of gears was heard and the gate slowly lurched upward along its track, allowing entrance to the castle. In a sort of daze, Alucard stumbled to his feet and shuffled inside the castle walls. Behind him the gate closed with a loud crunch. Having finally gained entrance, he shouted his mighty battle cry, "Now, to battle my father or something, I guess. Whatever." -- Unknown -- As the cursed half-breed son of Dracula whose human and vampire nature eternally war with... "Didn't we just go through that?" "Yeah, so? It's contractually required that somebody go through the entire thing at least once a part." "..." Each other and who struggles to do good in the face of overwhelming... "Who are you anyway...and who am I? It's confusijng without any descriptions!" the half-vampire complained. "..." "And to answer your first question, I am the thirty-seventh guardian of this disco! The dread... "Skelton?" "No." "Ghole?" "No." "Undead gcible?"* "..." "Death?" "Worse than that!" "Dad?" "No, you fool! I'm a Lawyer!" -- Unknown -- "Run for the hills! Open the floodgate!!" He smiled disarmingly. "Here's a daze* that hasn't been loved for 150 years." [* Confusing handwriting. My apologies. - jpr]